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3,598 Public Reviews Given
4,175 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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401
401
Review of Inner Child  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Thomas Seeker,

I'm back to re-rate this as I believe you corrected it or I'm blind to any mistakes.

I don't care though because this message needs to be read. So I read it again.


I totally like it. Maybe even love it. *Smile*

Thank you again.
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402
Review of Chapter 5  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily,
I contiinue on but will reluctantly stop shortly, I will be back later to read more.

One thing I noticed is a typo but I think it is in the segment before this.

Please remove me from your plants (or smething similar).
I think you meant pants.

I am enjoying the humor we see as the item responds in such literal ways. Maybe I should say smart alecky way. We know just where that comes from, don't we.

I like it when a story has humor in it. It breaks up the tension so latr we can bring that tension higher until finally find relief.

Watching.




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403
403
Review of Chapter 3  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
And away he goes. Cliff hanger.

Poor Jon is really getting nervous as h ventures forth.

No errors. Theres a nice balance between dialgue and Jons thoughts and his actions.


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404
404
Review of Chapter 2  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi again Emily,

Oh my goodness. Our character, Jon, sure got a shocking revelation. Nice tension builds as he wants to see his Valerie.

It raises another sory question: why is he now lcked in? *Gasp

You definitly want that. Great job.


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405
405
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Blue,

I noticed yourvitem limk in newsfeed and took a look.

Wow, this peson did well losing 20 lbs and she really deserves a bit of praise for that. I dont recall if it said how long it took, but for me im lucky if I can maintain my weight.

Everything looks good as far as paragraph spacing, dialogue, and descriptions. I dont see any erors either.

This certainly shows how words can sometimes drage you down rather than lift you up. Sometimes you just have to be your own cheerleader.

I just wish Nancy could somehow not get discouraged. At te same time I realise there was a word count limit and it needed an ending.
Good brief read.





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406
406
Review of Chapter 1  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily,
I just read the first chapter and oh what fun it is to read! I get a clearer picture of what the city might look like. Keeping in mind this is a rough draft I hope you dont mind me me telling you what caught me off guard and what cool things I noticed.

I was at first a little confused because someone was calling him "babe". I realise tat there are people who call several others babe or even honey. I thought maybe it was his wife.

Also slice of light. I might have used sliver instead.

WHAT I LIKED:

* I totally like your chosen colors. It feels vibrant and refreshing.
* that part where he's up and crouched trying to look outside .

ahh my tablet is messing with me. Again. I had this happen before. It keeps sending me back to the beginning. I will try to fix it or just send you a mre complete private review in email.


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407
407
Review of JUST ONCE  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Thomas Seeker,

This certainly had me thinking. It is straight to the point as it asks a question and makes a request that requires patience and time but also a cooperative mate.

There is a longing in this. Being so far apart whether by physical distance or other kinds can really feel painful.

Words can be meaningful but without effort it can be discouraging to the other person involved. Then again, no evident show of mutual feelings is too.

People tend to have pride or self doubt, which causes them to simply put on thier poker face or not listen closely enough.

One can only hope there's a breakthrough and both know for sure what they truly want.

They say patience is a virtue but it sometimes feels difficult.

It is easy to miscommunicate or not understand. They may say or do things that don't feel so great under pressure unintentionally or not.

Humans can often be like a intricate frustrating puzzle, and not complete with all but one missing piece.

Anyway,I may have overexplored this idea.
Thanks for sharing.
🙏



408
408
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Oh boy. I'm familiar with this I'm right you're wrong stuff. I pretty much think it's all about perspective. Everyone tends to think they are right until they are proven wrong, unless they aren't wrong.

It also can be applied to public opinion and how hurtful a believed mistake can be.
409
409
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

This shows a lot of emotion and changes. It is something almost anyone can relate to.

Its wonderful to love and be loved in return and so utterly horrible when relatonships change and people dissappear.

Yet even if it changes sometimes it promotes growth if it can make the relationship stronger. It takes a lot of honesty and open communication.

Even a lifetime seems like such a long time to not share life with a loved one.
410
410
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Pure Sci-Fi,
I'm not sure what this is for but it had me interested.
You started off in action, as the sword fighter inspected himself to make sure he was prepared for this fight.
I'm wondering why a thick heavy chain was attached to their legs. Is that so neither can get away?

I think some information was repeated. Kutan was the second best swordsman going up against the best swordsman. Seems kind of futile though knowing he will probably die since it's the law of Tatima.

He broke the law and now the King has no choice. Seems like there ought to be a better way or at least a different choice. Would these two possible say something before battle?

I think this could be done a bit different. How would each save face if they didn't kill the other?


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411
411
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Greg Schuler,

I found your item and decided to have a closer look.

I have to say it certainly had me reading from one sentence to another, wondering what was going to happen next.

Things changed quite a bit from the beginning to end as we see these two exchange pleasantries and then barbs. I like that you kept it somewhat civil although they were unpleasant with each other.

The guy was out of line as his first negative comment was like being beat over the head with his message. I suppose there is no good way to share such a thing though. If he were really a gentleman I think he might have tried harder to win this lady over, then again maybe it's best he didn't as she got to see what he was like and vice versa.

Thought provoking piece. Good job on communication, nice form.


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412
412
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi I read your item and wanted to comment on it.

What I liked: I like that it has a rhythm to it. In fact while reading it, it felt like it was a song. I'm thinking part of it might be used as a refrain that would be repeated in the song.

Also it tells a story.

What I found a little confusing:
It started off with an interaction between two people.

Soon we realize its a couple. Even the neighbors noticed.
Then we are in her thoughts when she mentions >he wont throw away her damn blue jeans.

Anyway, nicely done. I like it.


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413
Review of The Wood  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Doc,

I read your story and now will give my thoughts on it.

First I will say that I like the premise and reading it was easy enough. Secondly, there were a few easily fixed errors.

Here: Indian Medicine Manwho cursed the woods,
There shoukd be a space between Man and who


Here I would combine and reword to make this more concise. You wrote: Once our high school football hero, Bobby Richland, was dared to go in. Since he was the team quarterback and their leader they felt he should go in the woods.

Suggested edit:
Once, Bobby Richland, our high school football hero, was dared to go in since he was our team's quarterback and their leader.

HERE: The latest was two weeks ago when I I went back to get test results. (Doctor Badneuse or Doctor Who. *You get the idea) looked me straight in the eyes and said "You've got cancer."

I sat there and opened my mouth but was unable to speak. So many things rushed through my head.
After several minutes I said,"Are you sure? Maybe it's a mistake."

He laid his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry son, it's inoperable, but we can try chemotherapy."

(You could let your reader see his thoughts to know what hes feeling.)
So as promised I'm here.


Other suggestions: There were places where commas were needed in order to make the sentences clearer.

I think that a lot of this was telling rather than showing. By showing, it will help increase tension and let us see more clearly t th he setting. You could do that with descriptive imagery but also more dialogue.

You did great on proper line spacing between paragraphs, which are a decent length. The sentence structure was okay with varying lengths.

Overall well done. I just think with a few more details and editing this could be fabulous.




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414
414
Review of Waiting  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Tanty,

The introduction draws me in wondering what's going on next. Each line brings up questions, and is answered in increments. It does feel tense.

In the first two sentences there are places where it needed words like (hoping) to get (a) message reply (to) my

And instead of telling I would show the person is worried. Think about physical things that indicate they are tense, scared or worried.

Do they bite their lip, sweat, pace, tap their fingers, bite their nails, fidget, or organise items on thier desk?

This helps the reader to envision the condition of the worrier. It also build tension.

*Example: I glance at the clock It's 2:00 a.m. Instead of sleeping, I'm awake. My skin feels sticky. I bite off the last bit of a hangnail on my pinky finger. I wonder if my pacing has worn patterns into the floor.

Sinking into a chair I stare at the blurring shadows of inanimate items in the room.

My last thoughts were Why has he not called? My eyes betray me as they slide closed. Just a few seconds of bliss.

Here is your version with a few edits.band some dialogue.--

I always worry if I haven't (heard) from him, because I know (of) his condition.

Heres my rewrite: The phone rings, my body jerks forward. My eyes pop open, I focus on the phone in my lap. It's him. "Hello? What happened? Are you okay? I've been a nervous wreck waiting."

"I'm exhausted. I haven't slept in three days. Nothing helps."

"How are you feeling now?"

"Tired mostly."

"Anything else? Ive been waiting for yur call."

I've got pains in my chest."

I knew he had tried many cures for insomnia without having positive results--warm milk, chamomile tea, and melatonin capsules. "You need to see a doctor. This isn't good. You need one now," I say.

"I'm sorry I didnt all. I couldn't. It's difficult to move around at the moment."

"I don't feel good about this."

He hesitated. "Don't worry. I'll be okay soon. I always am. In fact im starting to feel better already."

"I will pray for you. Please call for an ambulance if it happens again."

** I hope you get the idea with my examples. Feel free to use them or your own.
With some changes, dialogue, description and additional information you could build on this hint of a premise. We want to know more about these two people. We ant o know where they are in life, what they may have experienced, and what they d at this time.

Y yo u need to break up large paragraphs with a single line space between them.

Continue to write even if it needs revision. Let your imagination soar.

Thanks for sharing.


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415
415
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Vijen,

I saw your item and read it and appreciate that you asked such a question.

It's not an easy one to answer as depending on who responds you might get different answers with opposing perspectives to choose from.

Honestly, I cannot really answer that and know for sure. I might say you are here to experience life as you will choose to.

I might also say you are a seeker searching and looking for your truth and true self. There is nothing wrong with that.

Thete are many people here willing to share thier own truth and faith in whatever we are here for.

I consider what i see or hear, but eventually only my heart tells me what feels right.

The only suggestion i have on this item is give it form. Also use periods or question marks at the ends of sentences depending on if its a statement or question.

I hope you find what you are looking for and wish you well.


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416
416
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Vijen,

I saw your item and read it and appreciate that you asked such a question.

It's not an easy one to answer as depending on who responds you might get different answers with opposing perspectives to choose from.

Honestly, I cannot really answer that and know for sure. I might say you are here to experience life as you will choose to.

I might also say you are a seeker searching and looking for your truth and true self. There is nothing wrong with that.

Thete are .any leople her willing to share thier own truth and faith in whatever we are here for.

I consider what i see or hear but eventually only my heart tells me what feels right.

The only suggestion i have on this item is give it form. Also use periods or question marks at the ends of sentences depending on if its a statement or question.

I hope you find what you are looking for and wish you well.


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417
417
Review of Freak  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi W.D. Wilcox,

* I just read this item and was immediately drawn to it because of the rich descriptions and subtle yet movement through it.

We see where she is and also reflections of her past in the posters on the wall and get a good idea of what has happened up to this point. She is ready for what comes next and almost welcomes it although there is a bit of fear indicated.

This was good too.--

As the wind blew, the trees shook like the manes of lions, and in her mind, she could almost hear them roaring, and see them gathering for the hunt

* the item is concise. There is only one suggestion. Okay. I changed my mind. No there is none. You did a splended job on this.
I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing.


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418
418
Review of The Knight  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Thomas Seeker,

As usual you do bring up interesting topics to discuss. In this day and age it seems as though the very existance of a knight is either non-existant, or often frowned upon, threatened and/or mocked. Such a shame. Even still I think there are such things, although his armor might look quite different. Still he is ready to willingly battle if need be to protect his own and others. In the news we sometimes see these knights serving and protecting the helpless and innocent. It is not just a duty but someyhing inside that seeks justice.

To try to get them to give up thier true self and do something they dont feel okay about could cause inner turmoil if the knight even had to choose. It is not who he is. His integrity is on the line. To have him break that, if it were even possible, would not be a good thing.

First you may wonder what else he's capable of being coaxed into doing, secondly he would most likely feel shame and wonder if he is somehow tarnished in your eyes.

First he must find a way so that he does not compromise his integrity and honor. For this other to expect less of him wouldn't be right.


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419
419
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Steel Metro

Here's yet another tidbit you've share. This one was amusing. At first I thought I'd misread, and found the doctor a bit annoying. Yet clearly hes losing his credibility.

Anyway, I thought it was clever as you showed these two during her counseling session.

The paragraphs and dialogue are workimg well.
I dont see any glaring grammar or punctuation errors.

Thanks for sharing.



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420
420
Review of Waning  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi. Noticed this item and decided to give it a review.

What I mostly notice is the character's enjoyment of nature and how blessed he feels as he enjoys the moment. He allows himself to see and feel the joy of each day yet at the same time feels as if things continually change and maybe in some way that isnt quite comforting. Yet this also means each day he can be refreshed but keep in mind as the day progresses things can change.

It's almost poetic.

*Pencil* what needs editing is the paragraphs. Its better to break it up a little and use some line spacing in between each paragraph.


Thanks for sharing.

KEEP ON WRITING.


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421
421
Review of Psych's Revenge  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Summer Day,

Im here to review this item as I got curious considering the title.

There's certainly a lot of intriguing drama here making this reader want to find out more about Psychs interaction with the other characters.

Te problem is I'm not be sure what's going on though, basically why he was fearful and where this is in a whole story, assuming there is more.

*Pencil* What needs editing:
“It’s a dangerous job.” Officer Boone said. “But you made a commitment.”
(Here you need a simple change. Remove the period, add a comma and uncap the first word But. Its because it's all part of one sentence.)

*Idea* “It’s a dangerous job.” Officer Bosaid, “but you made a commitment.”

*Pencil* I noticed you used a lot of ly words like quickly or flatly. Try to avoid overdoing the use of adjectives. A simple change of choice of words can vary give it an interesting rhythm.

*Pencil* These aren’t your quarters,” One called. (No need to capitalize One)
These aren’t your quarters,” one called.

Somewhere in this story. You wrote that Psych was fearful.

*Pencil* I'd rather you show him being fearful. Maybe there's a shiver running up or down his spine or he clears his throat discreetly.

*Idea* I would suggest submitting mre parts of the story because although the scene is thought provoking, readers are not sure what's going on or why.

Keep on writing and don't worry, we all start of making mistakes.

Thanks for sharing.


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422
422
Review of Fractured Reality  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Mister Suede,

I noticed you have an item needing reviews.

Below is my personal thoughts on this piece.

Here is what you wrote:
Taking a closer look at her, I saw that she was wearing a dark leather jacket with a plain gray shirt underneath. There were slim blue jeans on her legs and black sneakers on her feet. The most striking feature, however, were her eyes. They were a deep, dark grey. They wouldn’t have been directly striking to me if they weren’t so deep; there was a quality to them that reminded me of a finely polished piece of granite, and I found myself getting lost in them as we walked.

* I would make this more concise. There's some repeated information here. We know the jeans were on her legs and sneakers were on her feet.

Here is how i might have written it.

I looked over at her. She wore a dark leather jacket with a plain gray shirt underneath, slim blue jeans, and black sneakers. The most striking feature, however, were her eyes--a deep dark gray.
They reminded me of finely polished piece of granite, and I found myself getting lost in them as we walked.
Note: getting lost in them seems a little bit cliche.

Overall I like this story beginning. I like how it is explained what's involved and other details.

Action took place at the beginning and story questions came up right away such as why are they taking these young men, and where, and what will happen to them.

I'm also curious as to what particular traits were they each chosen for. And later what they end up like during and after they are doing their mission.

Nice start to a story, good dialogue.


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423
423
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Cradle of Abundance.

I may have read this before but it is one those things that you can do that with an ponder its meaning.

it is an item that a person can reflect on.
It's very deep. I did notice a play on words such as dew for do. Also it is written in an old world tongue.

My apologies but this revew box keeps moving to the top after I've typed a response. It's very disturbing.
424
424
Review of Top Ten Heroes  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Fellow dreamer,

I happened by your port and saw a few items and thought I'd get a closer look.

I like how you catageorised this and then gave more detailed information. You also said why you chose these hero's.

The Shannara series sounds appealing. It makes me want to scope it out.


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425
425
Review of Cowboy  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi StrlCuckoo.

Just dropped by your port and noticed this and decided to give you an anniversary review.

There's a nice rhythm and rhyme in this poem.

It looks good on the page with its short yet descriptive lines, and the words use allows the reader to visualize this cowboy, and can see where he might be, what his attire is, and what he might be doing.

Great job on this. Thanks for sharing.


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