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Review Requests: ON
3,533 Public Reviews Given
4,110 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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376
376
Review of The Smile  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dean,

The lead up to the final was rich with description as we see the character interact with the woman.

It is understably tense because he is submitting his work but also meets this strangely familiar yet doesn't recall meeting her.

The dialogue was done well but I didn't like how it was separated.

Here is an example--
You wrote- After what seemed like hours I held her head in my hands, running my fingers through the soft curls whispering,

"I don't even know your name."

*Usually is fine like this:

After what seemed like hours I held her head in my hands, running my fingers through the soft curls, and whispering,"I don't even know your name."

It's interesting that she came to his door to hand him the manuscript and then entered his home without hesitation, yet considering the final outcome there's a connection there too.
Thanks for sharing.





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377
377
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi DavidtheTrickstar,
Haha. This shorty is funny,to the point, yet so few words are used.

The truth is I'm the same way. I'm might be considered at least a little better at longer stories than short depending on who you ask.



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378
378
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Soldier Mike,

Such a joyful time during Thanksgiving usually. All the family gathered together but then tragedy suddenly strikes.

In so few words you've revealed a scenario and also a tribute kept in memory.

It is bittersweet.


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379
379
Review of Love Story  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Beholden,

I was looking around in your port a found this item. It drew me in curious to see how things would carry out.

I wasn't disappointed when something changed. The words you use helps this reader sense the emotion--the sadness, guilt, hopelessness. This poor heartbroken man left behind through no fault of his own.

But then we see through his eyes like a spark of light, his interest builds and he's fascinated by this newcomer

Yet there's an urgency, and so he indulges this renewed feeling of joy and what might be, yet at the same time he knows it can't be long lasting. If this story was longer, it could be something like the Ghost and Mrs. Muir. I was intrigued with their interactions and the whole idea of it.

We get rich imagery as the characters move along. The only suggestion I might have used is instead of the glass of wine (maybe the actual name of it like this --White Zinfandel? Rose? Chablis?)

I did like the dark hair cut Cleopatra style, Calfskin boots.



Well written my fellow writer. I like it. Your sentence structure and rhythm makes me think of Hemmingway, yet yours are also youique. Paragraphs were on the long side but not very hard to read.

Thank you for this brief adventure and perspective into love, life, and the thereafter.



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380
380
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi GeminiGem,

I really like this story about your travels on the back of a Harley.

It's easy to read as we see what you were seeing and feeling. I like that you mentioned the areas you rode through or stopped at.

The words you used helped us glide along noticing the openess of the land.

The paragraphs in this piece is done well and spaced correctly, yet there's one paragraph that was longer than the rest.

I use to live in Colorado not far from the border of Wyoming. I know that toad well. You're right it is wide open space but for me I liked it much and sometimes saw red fox running through there.

How about those boulders at the monument south of the border? The wind can pick up fast through there.

One of my stories talks about an experience we had on the way home to Wellington.

Once we went to the Badlands and such in South Dakota, although by car not bike. I loved seeing the differences between rolling hills and other terrain.

Thanks for sharing this.


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381
381
Review of Menagerie of Life  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again jdennis,

I'm still looking through your port and continue to find various interesting stories.

We see a extremely successful person slowly lose hope and fate seems to allow for that.

As things turn worse, desperation causes a chain of events to happen, yet in a moment we see his humanity realised. And he's given a second chance.

The character has changed within and makes a better decision. He's stronger than ever before and strives to have a good life and be a better person.

This is what we readers like to see in characters and how they manage to work through thier own unique 7problems.

The tension builds as we see him failing, even more. Soon he struggles with his urgent need and ends up doing something which could have ended up a lot worse, yet at some point he realizes and does the right thing that makes him more human.

Nice job on it. This reader had to keep reading as I wondered just how things were going to turn out.

I didn't notice any glaring errors and it was easy to read and understand. I liked the bit of dialogue. It was just enough.

A thought came to mind and it's only a suggestion. I might have liked to see what the character was like before all of this. Examples could be anything from experiences he had during childhood or later in life, which might have influenced him in some way.

This allows us to see how he interacts with others, how he reacts to stress, or what events may have been significant. It could even be used as foreshadowing. It helps us to care for the character before anything happens. It might not apply here but I wanted to mention it.

Thank you for giving me something interesting to read. It felt real.
Write on.


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382
382
Review of My Favorite Dream  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jdennis,

Ah dreams can be so sweet or sometimes frightening although in this one we see a fond comfortable place where nothing goes horribly wrong.

It's cozy and heartwarming and the dreamer is in a peaceful place and time. Eventually he's joyfully flying through the air without a care.

The dreamer reluctantly awakens and remembers those feelings which he felt and are then present in him.

This is a feel-good story, where our dreamer has found remembered joy and all is good. He's come back refreshed. And holds this dream to his heart.

Enjoyable read. Easy to understand.

I too have had some dreams I'm fond of. It's not so much what you're doing or not doing but the feeling you get. It's like being in another dimension where everything is uplifting.

That's so much better than those other type dreams where something horrible is about to happen yet doesn't but still you wake up sweaty and your heart beating fast, yet you're thankful it wasn't real, at least not in this existence.

One thing I noticed is there's no people or pets or dialogue, yet that's okay as dreams don't always include those kinds of things.

I think you've tapped into the Joyful Zone. Haha. We all should have at least one.

I enjoyed reading this item.


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383
383
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jonblair,

You do have some nice summarization going on between dialogue. I like that.

Dialogue is done well too, but there's still a few areas that might need looking at.

You wrote: You did what?" I shouted, staring incredulously at the Department's Head Detective, my rhetorical question another way of asking the Chief, "what are you, a total idiot?"

I would uncap the department heads detective and pissibly anywhere it reads chief unless it's said in dialogue.

Plus I'd change the comment from quotes to italics so that it's a thought.

* I'm seeing alot of ly words.
* the emotion is vivid between these two men. But wee are in first person so we can't know for sure what someone's feeling but most people can guess by thier actions.

Oh and dialogue tags aren't always necessary not if two people are the only ones talking and we saw who they were at the beginning of the interaction.

Example: "You know there wasn't," I reminded him again. "What about the gun? I asked.

Remove --I asked.
Do the same on much of this sequence of dialogue.

"You're lucky I don't arrest your for aggravated battery, Duggan. Fortunately for you, Mr. Moore very generously decided not to press any charges. You're free to go."

*arrest you (instead of your)

What kind of investigation are you conducting?"
*Remove the " as there is more dialogue.

I liked the glowered at each other part.

There's a random quotation mark where chief says you're walking on thin ice.

* Smooth transition to the refueling, view of the Sargeant, then the phone call.

Yet anywhere there's a change of location or time it's a good idea to add an extra line space between those two paragraphs.

Hope this helps. This is really looking good aside from a few easily fixed areas.


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384
384
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jonblair,

This is going to be a shorter version as I wanted to get these three done but give you decent feedback.

You wrote: Ten minutes later I pulled into my parking space, hurriedly walking toward the office before cautiously opening the front door

*Be cautious of using the ly words too much.

Maybe use rushed instead of hurriedly. Its less words same meaning.

I rushed toward

Cautiously is okay I think.

*. The fight scene seems believable but if you use short sentences it feels more active.

I wish I had more to say but this is coming along really well.

Before I forget can you provide a link to the next chapter at the end of each chapter?

Good job overall.

See you next time.





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385
385
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Needs attention:
Detective Seth McPherson
four door sedan (four-door sedan)
Hollywood

There was also to to twice in one sentence side by side.

I Liked this: All four doors flew open like they were spring loaded.

Lookinhg good.another good scene and good descriptions and reactions.


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386
386
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi again jonblair,

Aha.So this was the beginning of your story. Somehow I found that other one first. Oh well.

Anyway what I noticed was we don't know where Metro PD is. Can we get a location or did I somehow miss it?



The other thing I noticed is that your paragraphs are long. You might want to break it up some. It makes it easier to read.

What I liked is how we see our PI at work and how he thinks.

There's some good imagery in this too.

Delia is on first name basis. I thought she might use a title like Officer or Mister at least in front of potential client, but I do not know how PIs address thier assistants so I could be wrong. Plus I don't know if he'd be referred to as Officer once he's been retired.

Presidents who are out of office are still addressed as President. Just a thought.

There's a lot of use of "I" at many sentences you could alternate that part without losing what you intended to reveal.

Sometimes you can condense two sentences and not lose its meaning. Just change how you say it. At the same time you don't want super long sentences. I know that probably sounds contradictory.

There are some run-on sentences, but that can easily be fixed.

Aside from these kinds of things, your story has an interesting beginning. Also we see the characters and how they interact.

At the end of this first part we are left wondering what just happened to McPherson.
This type of chapter end is acceptable and is often seen in TV shows. It leaves the reader curious and they must keep reading.

P.S. I've been reading Robert B Parker's Night Passage.

Before that I read several noir private detective series. So this is interesting to me.

Good job!
387
387
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hijonblair,

I noticed your item and decided to read some of it.

I must say I was drawn in right away and my focus stayed as the story began and these two people started interacting. The detective is curious but cautious and that brings its own tension.

I started wondering why the notes were missing. Questions popped into my mind like we're they missing because Becca purposely misplaced them or because she's got a split personality, or maybe someone's trying to set her up to fail at whatever she's doing.

Anyway I liked the dialogue and how the detective noticed little things when he arrived at her place.

The last line leads us toask what happened and I'm sure we will find out in the next chapter.
There were a few errors which are easily fixed. Like combined words which need a dash.
Thanks for sharing. I hope to read more and get a better look at our detective--Matt.


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388
388
Review of Reunion  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Triv,

I noticed your item and am here to give my thoughts on it.

In the intro we see something has happened which effects these triplets causing them to not see each other.

We wonder what that was so this raised a story question and we are compelled to read more.

Nicely done.

Many years passed and we know because the triplets each have become successful in thier own way. (Although we don't see how they might have struggled or how they dealt with this time separated from each other and thier father, this part shows the passing of time.)

The rather decides to contact them because he's dying. We have to wonder why and what thier reaction is, yet we aren't sure until they do decide to grant his wish.

We still didn't see thier reaction. The father seems to be smiling or sneering. Then he utters those last words.

And those words can mean several things yet one thing clearly. Maybe he wanted them to find some sense of completion (for lack of better terms). Maybe it was one last poke at them since he was considered vindictive.

My Thoughts: I would have liked the story details filled out more, yet not spoil the surprise. I would like to see how vindictive he was so we could see him in action before the end.

I also was interested in what these triplets personal experiences and success story was.

Often what happens to us helps shape us and transform us. I just didn't see anything indicating how they felt. We want to know these characters more. Even the father could have a ba k ground which might explain or leafld up to that moment where things had changed.

If you wanted to you might consider adding more details, maybe even more dialogue.

It's up to you. If you do revise this let me know and I can take another look.

Thanks for sharing.

The premise was interesting.
however it was brief.

I didn't notice any errors as far as spelling.

Things happened in the right order too.


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389
389
Review of BONNIE  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aww. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet feathered companion. It's never easy when we have to say goodbye when their bodies expire and they go to the great beyond. I bet you have many beautiful memories of her personality.

Bonnie sure was a pretty one. One thing you never lose is your shared experiences and that bond. Wherever she is I'm sure she still knows the love and care you have given her.

Here's a little something to help with your goal to get a member ship. I know the feeling.
390
390
Review of My Nightmare  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Pernell,

I noticed your item and decided to look further and I'm glad I did

What I liked:. You described the experience of dreaming and we have a ton combined with sudden fear then we see the character busy with making breakfast when through this same window by and again our character faces fear and uncertainty .

Nice build of tension and a quick end.

He could have grabbed his shotgun nearby too.

Thanks for sharing.


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391
391
Review of On A Park Bench  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sandra Lynn, I e just read this piece and will share my thoughts on it.

It has a nice rythym to it as we see these two take turns interacting. It works for then even though somehow they've understood completely. Yet they do in a way as it's all connected.it reminds me of a😗spiderweb where things enter and as a😆result your in and conne Ted.

Good job on this.


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392
392
Review of Inner Child  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Thomas Seeker,

I'm back to re-rate this as I believe you corrected it or I'm blind to any mistakes.

I don't care though because this message needs to be read. So I read it again.


I totally like it. Maybe even love it. *Smile*

Thank you again.
393
393
Review of Chapter 5  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily,
I contiinue on but will reluctantly stop shortly, I will be back later to read more.

One thing I noticed is a typo but I think it is in the segment before this.

Please remove me from your plants (or smething similar).
I think you meant pants.

I am enjoying the humor we see as the item responds in such literal ways. Maybe I should say smart alecky way. We know just where that comes from, don't we.

I like it when a story has humor in it. It breaks up the tension so latr we can bring that tension higher until finally find relief.

Watching.




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394
394
Review of Chapter 3  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
And away he goes. Cliff hanger.

Poor Jon is really getting nervous as h ventures forth.

No errors. Theres a nice balance between dialgue and Jons thoughts and his actions.


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395
395
Review of Chapter 2  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi again Emily,

Oh my goodness. Our character, Jon, sure got a shocking revelation. Nice tension builds as he wants to see his Valerie.

It raises another sory question: why is he now lcked in? *Gasp

You definitly want that. Great job.


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396
396
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Blue,

I noticed yourvitem limk in newsfeed and took a look.

Wow, this peson did well losing 20 lbs and she really deserves a bit of praise for that. I dont recall if it said how long it took, but for me im lucky if I can maintain my weight.

Everything looks good as far as paragraph spacing, dialogue, and descriptions. I dont see any erors either.

This certainly shows how words can sometimes drage you down rather than lift you up. Sometimes you just have to be your own cheerleader.

I just wish Nancy could somehow not get discouraged. At te same time I realise there was a word count limit and it needed an ending.
Good brief read.





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397
397
Review of Chapter 1  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily,
I just read the first chapter and oh what fun it is to read! I get a clearer picture of what the city might look like. Keeping in mind this is a rough draft I hope you dont mind me me telling you what caught me off guard and what cool things I noticed.

I was at first a little confused because someone was calling him "babe". I realise tat there are people who call several others babe or even honey. I thought maybe it was his wife.

Also slice of light. I might have used sliver instead.

WHAT I LIKED:

* I totally like your chosen colors. It feels vibrant and refreshing.
* that part where he's up and crouched trying to look outside .

ahh my tablet is messing with me. Again. I had this happen before. It keeps sending me back to the beginning. I will try to fix it or just send you a mre complete private review in email.


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398
398
Review of JUST ONCE  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Thomas Seeker,

This certainly had me thinking. It is straight to the point as it asks a question and makes a request that requires patience and time but also a cooperative mate.

There is a longing in this. Being so far apart whether by physical distance or other kinds can really feel painful.

Words can be meaningful but without effort it can be discouraging to the other person involved. Then again, no evident show of mutual feelings is too.

People tend to have pride or self doubt, which causes them to simply put on thier poker face or not listen closely enough.

One can only hope there's a breakthrough and both know for sure what they truly want.

They say patience is a virtue but it sometimes feels difficult.

It is easy to miscommunicate or not understand. They may say or do things that don't feel so great under pressure unintentionally or not.

Humans can often be like a intricate frustrating puzzle, and not complete with all but one missing piece.

Anyway,I may have overexplored this idea.
Thanks for sharing.
🙏



399
399
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Oh boy. I'm familiar with this I'm right you're wrong stuff. I pretty much think it's all about perspective. Everyone tends to think they are right until they are proven wrong, unless they aren't wrong.

It also can be applied to public opinion and how hurtful a believed mistake can be.
400
400
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

This shows a lot of emotion and changes. It is something almost anyone can relate to.

Its wonderful to love and be loved in return and so utterly horrible when relatonships change and people dissappear.

Yet even if it changes sometimes it promotes growth if it can make the relationship stronger. It takes a lot of honesty and open communication.

Even a lifetime seems like such a long time to not share life with a loved one.
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