*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dnadream/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
3,528 Public Reviews Given
4,105 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
26
26
Review of No Love Lost  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello my friend, Intuey,

I decided to drop by and take a look at this piece of work of yours. I'm not sorry I did.

* The rhythm and rhyme in this is spot on.

The format is perfect.

* The message is clear. It's over. I'm done.

It's rather sad when things don't work out, yet to see with clear-eyes is important.

Nice job on this. I like this poem pattern.

I saw nothing that needs changing. It's perfect as is.

Thank you for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of The Road Ahead  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again Anthony,

At last I saw your name, and now I see another piece if your creativity.

Here's yet another well thought out work.

I liked the format and spacing of this. It's organized well on the page.

>This was a line that stood out for me.

* A stranger who's heart his love will melt

It caused me to pause at its deeper meaning. Well done.

I saw nothing that needed fixing.

Thank you for sharing this.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello. Forgive me. Im not sure what to call you here.

I just read this poem.

This was a nice one. The words used creates comfort for those feeling lost and lonely, yet they aren't as alone as they think.

This is much more than just a vacation, as it gently takes the ones feeling lost and lonely to a kind of soothing oasis.

Thank you for sharing this message.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Spirit Dawning,

I'm her in your port and noticed this item.

I like the format if this but also how the words tumble down in each stanza.
There is a peacefulness in the sights and sounds in the imagery here. The wind blowing and even the movement tickles our ears.

And so it's a respite from daily life, simply enjoying the forest and nature.

Have a joyful wdc anniversary.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review of You are You  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello son of drogos,

I just noticed this item in your port and also that it's a special time for you.

I've not read anything like this in a long time. It certainly has a rhythm and consistency to it.

I'm not sure I could carry it in as you did, but you did a good job and you told a story with it.

I saw no issues with it but senses the tension and so some words are more bold than others.

Thanks for sharing and happy WDC Anniversary. Have a blessed one.

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Legendar Mask,

I just read your item here and about to review it

The first thing I noticed was how well it's formatted. It is visually appealing.


It has lots of white space with evenly spaced areas between each set of stanzas.

It's written with such beautiful words and sweet sentiment. Memories of a love one not lost, but existing in someone's heart.

I saw nothing in this piece needing changing. It's perfect the way it is.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Winchester,

Saw this in your port and couldn't stop myself from reading it.

Here's another fun read. I liked the interaction between the husband and wife as they decide whether these new neighbors are friendly or suspicious.

It creates a moment for craziness as they ponder what the new neighbors are like.

Liked things like this:
I doubt very much they’ll attack. At least, not until it gets dark. Did you check the windows?

They could come in through the windows you know.”

It sounds like something I might say in jest, to soothe my own suspicions. Why not got for the way out there ideas. It relieves the tension, unless, of course, it doesn't.

These two are fun.

Then there's the part about greeting them with a loaded shotgun. Hah!

I'm loving it.

Even if the neighbors smile, they're still wondering what that means.

Loved reading this one. Keep doing what you're doing. We need more of this kind of funny absurdity.

No errors in this piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Winchester Jones,

I just read your story: "Last of the Jurgensens" . I decided to go ahead and review it.

From the start we are right there as the action starts.

You have some nice imagery in this. We are basically strolling along the shore line with you and your family. It's a pleasant memory, even though they tease the main character.

Being afraid of sharks can be a good thing since they have big sharp teeth and aren't overly picky about what they eat, even a tasty human. Lol
Umm, somehow I kept trying to find the man's voice in this. When suddenly it came to me. I came up with Tom Selleck. He happens to be one of my favorite actors, as well as Sam Elliot.

I enjoyed his easy interaction and conversation, and how he didn't get upset about them teasing him.

Your dialogue in this is spot on.

I liked the exposition. There was enough to get a view of the area and what else happened there.

Great job on this. Keep up the good work.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of Community Service  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again Amethyst Snow Angel,

This is the second story I've read of yours. Or is it the third? Lol

Anyway, wow. You had me interested from the start. And kept me reading all the way to the end.

I liked everything so it's hard for me to suggest anything.

This has a beginning, middle, and end. It showed tension and relief too. It showed a positive change for the main character.

Great job on this one.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Review of 3. Excitement  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Amethyst Snow Angel,

I just read your story "3. Excitement"  and decided to review it. Please keep in mind that these are only my thoughts and suggestions. Use what works for you and please ignore the rest.

You did a great job of the introduction. We are already there as the little girl gets the good news.

I like that you had dialogue in this and it's done right with each character having their own dialogue too

This was fitting:
green eyes glowing like traffic lights.


*Pencil* One thing I noticed was a lot of use of exclamation points. It does serve it's purpose to show excitement.

Even so, my suggestion would be to try and not use some of them. The child's actions shows her delight and excitement.

I like how the poor girl ends up sick and misses the event.

*Idea* At some point you write that she started to cry.

Maybe show her eyes filled up and threatened to overflow.

But then something extraordinary happened. And soon she's happier than ever.

To get honest, I wouldn't have done as well as she did, given the allotted time. I should take lessons from you. :*)

Good job on this. Thanks for sharing.







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of Cowboy's Lament  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello. Strlcuckoo,

I found this item in your port and decided to read and review it.

The title seems appropriate to the content.

The storyem (meaning story poem) allows the reader to see the cowboys lament.

She appears before him, and ever since their embrace he can't help but remember her.

He feels the loss because they are not together. Maybe she feels it too. We don't know as they are apart.

The rhyming is effective in this poem with it having the last words of each second and fourth line.

Thanks for sharing.







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello intuey,

I found this in your port and decided to read a d review it.

It blew me away. I was right there seeing and feeling. How horrifying that any one would have to deal with so much

It's good that we did see some very nice memories too.

Quite the struggle for a young girl, who is still learning about life and people.

But the young girl was strong in her own way and survived such brutality.

Some step-dads can be quite the monster, even worse when alcohol is in the mix.

And mom really had some problems too.

Your story definitely had me on the edge, as I watched events unfold.

I can imagine the freedom from all that misery. It's like you're finally alive in so many ways.

Well done on this one.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review of Danny  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Intuey,

Oh my you got me on this one. I fell right into it.

So realistic too. And that last line.

No errors in this.

It's very well done and just enough to keep us reading.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Review of Runaway  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hlo Amethyst Snow Angel,

I came across your port and found this story in your port.

* Runaway is a fitting title to the ge contents of this story.

* I can say this,you do have a way with words. The events in the story feel believable and they progress in a timeline that is done in a logical order

These two meet, not knowing that they are connected. The childs personality adds interest as well as the male character.

* We learn a bit more about the characters, which helps us know them and eventually care how things turn out.

*The dialogue was spot on.

* The tension mounts as he knows that this can seem like a bad thing happening. A little girl with a stranger and a van. I seriously thought it might create a problem. It could have went that way, but this was a short story, and it ended up as something people could feel about,without too much tension.

I could still see in my mind how the tension could have created chaos, which could eventually become harmonious. What I'm saying is that this could also be a long story, with further evts involving these two. But that would have made it more drawn out and detailed too. Maybe you were limited by word count for a contest.

Still, it is your story to write what you wish and end as you like. These are just my thoughts as I read it.

*Pencil* there were a few places that needed commas. Here's one. I added the comma in the brackets.

"Uh, hello(,)" I mumbled hesitantly. "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

You did a good job on this.
Thanks for sharing.





.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
Review of the COAT  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Bluesman,

I just read your story called the coat.

Title: It's fitting l, except it would be better if you also capitalized The.

You did a good job describing what you and Grandad did together. It created a strong bond.

In your words, you honor him and remember him with love and gratitude. This is a wonderful tribute to him and also loving for you to share and express the feelings.

I didn't see any obvious errors in it.

I might have broken the paragraphs up more, especially wherever the time or location changes.

Good job on thus. Thanks for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review of A New Start  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again strlcuckoo,

Here's another poem which expressed an emotion. First a desire to find a speci as l person, then, taking a chance, and then having a new start.

All well expressed in this item. Hopefully it worked out better this second time.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Review of The Right Words  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello strylcuckoo,

Just now read your poem.

It has good spacing.

These written words might seem, yet they hold a deeper feeling for a dear one.
The rhyming matches up perfectly on each line, while words express an emotion that many people can relate to.

It's not always easy, but well worth it, no matter the outcome.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Prosperous SnowGlobe,

I just read your poem and considering the notes message, you did great in the type of poem you made for the competition.

The words used created the scenario on the his stormy might.

I liked the flow and the rhyme.

Good job.

Merry Christmas and have a Happy and Blessed New Year! New Year's.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Review of The Bob  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello WD Wilcox, I just read The Bob,

It was a fun read. I liked the dialogue and innuendos.

* Title appropriate to item content.
* Good paragraphing
* Dialogue made sense

* Here it had me laugh. I can imagine that happening.

* until I became so annoyed, that I started scratching and twitching along with him.


Poor Bob, he had to fix the issue even though he wasn't sure how. After all, he's the Bob according to the aliens.

The ending made sense in the gat he woke up in his bed. ... But there's that duct tape and the message.

Fun read, keep at it.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
Review of Bruce Man  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Ben C,

I happened to notice your portfolio and this item, and decided to read and review it.

Please keep in mind that anything I suggest is only my interpretation of it and only you know how you want it to read. You're welcome to use any part of it or ignore what doesn't work for you.
That being said, let's get on with it.

Bruce Man is an okay title, but I wondered if there might be a better one as I have no idea who that is or what kind of life he had before this. It also depends on how he ultimately wants to be remembered. It allows the reader to at least care about the character.

The begining of this story caught my interest anyway, because I wondered what the list was about, whether it was a doctor reading the list or what. And so it caused me to read more so I could understand better.

It appears that the action occured before that moment. We don't know what happened to cause it, yet anyway.

Soon, we realize the doctor is sharing a page with Bruce.

*Idea*. In this sentence, saying he was in pain is telling, instead could be changed so it's showing him in pain.

Bruce rapped on the door, Oh great Now my DNA, will be left behind. With great effort, he wiped it with the side of his fist, which only smeared it. A sharp pain cause Bruce to wince.

*Idea* I'd delete that next sentence, since in my suggestion it served both purposes and more concise.

*Idea* Here I'd let that one sentence be dialogue because it's a bit confusing.
* The doctor explained, "I don’t hear of these things too often."

Need to keep his thoughts separate from what the doctor is doing.

The one thing that Bruce really cared about was the one thing the doctor

*Pencil* Here you needed a comma and uncap He.

“I’m dying,” he said.

*Note: You certainly have a lot of action and rising tension in this story.
The imagery was pretty good.

* I liked how the character appreciated the his grandson and the child smiled at him. It adds an element of humanity to him. I wonder why the child would not be afraid since he didn't know him. You might consider that the character might do something, which redirects the childs attention temporarily. Depending on the the childs age, it could be an item or something else the character just happens to have with him.

There were some rough transitions, yet I figured out what was more seeing for example when the car stopped at the gas station and next we know the females are in the trunk. Rightly so, since they kept making noise. Therefore irritating. This could make things worse for the character. I would think a headache might be present.

Your story idea seems feasible. I just wanted to know and understand him more. I'd have liked to see how his life was before all of this happening. Maybe he was happy at some point in time, yet now not much, if at all.

With a little bit of editing,this can be improved.

Thanks for sharing.
Write On.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Obsidian,

I just read "Devil Doesn't Bargain"  and I'm here to give it a review.

This reads as if the story teller is talking to the audience (readers). Yet, this is useful. its done well.

The transitions are working. Paragraphing and sentence rhythm look fine too.

I've had a hard time finding anything I didn't like about it.

What I liked: I liked the matter of fact way the story began and was expressed. It made this reader see what this character was like, although a vampire. He had compassion for living things and expressed regrets for acting badly at a young age, which in turn, he helt caused his dilemma.

He's a empathetic character and that makes this story even more likeable.

And his sweet love for Lenore creates something special too, yet also creates tension. It raises story questions, which are later answered.

I liked the little dog too.

You truly deserved the award icon. Congrats that you received it.

I hate to say that I envy you and how easy it looks to create this. I'm not sure how well I'd do.

Thanks for sharing.






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Obsidian Ogre,

I could feel the frustration through the words used in this. Some days just seem like that.

The marshmallows landing in front of the man made me curious. Was that to show how irritating it unusual things happen to other people too?

I noticed there were commas and periods missing on this piece, but maybe that was your intent.

Probably self checkout needs a hyphen self-checkout.

Other than that I didn't dnt notice any problems but maybe I was too interested in the situation.

Been there, done that. Worse yet,, is screaming babies in the carts, or kids playing hide and seek in the store, or they have a ball they bounce constantly.

Really gets on my nerves. I rush to the other side of the store and sure enough they show up there or it's another bunch of kids acting up. Ah well, what can you do but grab your stuff and head toward the checkouts.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has these things happen. Shame on me. Misery loves company, I suppose.

Thanks for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
48
Review of Faith Healer  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Obsidian Ogre,

I came across your item posted in the Newsfeed, and had to take a look.

Congratulations on your award. You do deserve it.

What a wonderful story you created, and using ideas from the Halloween questions answers.

This was formatted well and expressed in words anyone can understand.

The flow was perfect, as well as the dialogue. There was just enough to make a ge reader want to read more.

I did not notice anything that would need changing.

Done well.

Thanks for sharing.

And Happy Halloween.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Pumpkin,

First let me say I'm sorry for your loss. It's never easy to say goodbye to the ones we love. He sounds like wa wonderful man. Glad you had some time together to create memorys.

I will also say that your item is well written. I didn't notice any areas needing editing.

Your words show how happy you were and how sad it was once you lost him.

Many people can relate to this. Each of us has our own way of grieving. For me, I couldn't look at my mother's photograph for months, knowing it made her death more real.

I'd feel sad, then fine, then sad during that time. I kind of felt like I was going crazy.

So one day I decided I needed to look at her ID and her costume jewelry, holding them, remembering our time together and wept. But those tears were tears that she had been part of my life.

I put those items back in the box and left them alone for more months. It was my way of coping.

As for your item, I liked that you were able to smile again. I saw no errors in this item.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Winklett,

I just read your piece on "A Portrait of Autism" .

This was well written and informative. In it, you used words that anyone can understand.

I'm glad that you've shared your experience with autism and your dear little boy. I know it's not always easy, but you're doing the best you can with what you now know.

There are soany parents lately that also have this happening in their family. Some have Asperger's syndrome. There's different levels of that too.

It's good that you have qualified doctors that are aware of its complexities. I know of someone that had a child that later it became obvious that something wasn't quite right. And the doctors said there was no diagnostic test for it.

And so difficulties became a huge problem with learning since the child in school would be treated like it was bad. It created a problem because of not knowing why it was happening and how best to deal with it so that both the child and teacher could interact and be productive.

Trying to force a child to do something doesn't work out so well in cases like this. Positive re-inforcement works better than negative. That means giving praise for whatever the child does right, rather than negative reinforcement. Lets use an example. Maybe he plays nicely with you. You could say something like I like the way you did that. He hears you, sees you're happy and recognizing his efforts.

Please know that you're not alone in this. It's not always easy, but being aware of your child's needs are and build up his self-confidence too. Knowledge helps you too, as the parent.

Unfortunately, the average, or even special education teacher often doesn't know or understand that if this child does anything positive, the child needs to be recognized that he did something right and that it's appreciated.

The reward might be clapping, praise, a treat, a game he may like to play, iranything you can think of. The idea is the child will associate the behavior with reward and be able to cooperate. It also reduces the anxiety for him and the parent or instructor.

I found this on the internet:

What is the most effective positive reinforcement?

Positive reinforcement is most effective when it occurs immediately after the behavior. Reinforcement should be presented enthusiastically and should occur frequently. Deliver reinforcement quickly. A shorter time between a behavior and positive reinforcement makes a stronger connection.Mar 2, 2023

Hope this helps.

I did not notice any errors in this item. Paragraphing, sentence rhythm, line spacing all looked good.

Thanks for sharing. Have you ever thought of making a book about your experience with this? Or even a fictional version? Or maybe a child's book that maybe focuses on positivity? Just a thought.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,513 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 61 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dnadream/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2