I don't like this one quite as much as "Moment", but it's more of a personal taste than a critique. I also don't think it pulls of quite as well. There is just something extra special missing. The grammar is fine. In all, not much to comment good or bad.
This is excellent poetry! Just absolutely beautiful prose! The heartfelt romance made me cry. This is exactly the type of good read that I will come back to again and again, especially when I'm feeling down. If you can pardon the pun, the ending felt timeless.
These are some great and wonderful memories of your childhood. I'm quite surprised just how much and how well you remembered it all! These events must have meant a lot to you. I enjoyed reading this. It reminds me of a modern, suburban version of "The Little House on the Prairie."
Absolutely loved it! I enjoyed the clarity that the details brought to the mental image. I loved how the scientist was awed at the beauty of this raw force of nature, just as a sailor would respect the might and majesty of a stormy sea. Lastly, ending with how this force had untapped potential to be harnessed taps into the essence of our need to understand and take advantage of the unknown, particularly, the unseen.
Very interesting story! I was hooked right away and stayed hooked until the end. The paragraphing and grammar/spelling is also perfect. I can't help but wonder about how much fact was in there or is it a retelling of an actual legend? My only regret is this isn't a novel.
As a former owner of the best black lab (Duke) who never barked and hated to get wet, this hits very close to home. It's a well written real life story just as you would find in the Guidepost animal books. Thank you for sharing your memories of Lucky!
A wonderful poem honoring the troops of not just America, but all nations. In my family almost every guy for three generations were or are in the armed forces so I'm always pleased to come across content like this. Thanks for honoring them!
It's a decent story. You did an efficient job of letting the reader know the character's personalities. You also quite quickly established what was going on. Lastly, you ended with a satisfying solution that was interesting despite it's simplicity. I loved the sudden appearance of the third sibling as a big brother who takes care of everything and the young brother giving his pie for the considerate silence.
A bit to work on. For starters it is hard to read when all the sentences are so short. Also, put some detail and emotion into it. The guy is mugged and almost nothing is given to express the pain he must feel or the emotional anger. I will say that the ending was spot on in concept if not in execution.
As sad as it is good. It's good for us to be reminded to count our blessings. There are many who literally live with nothing and no one until they die. We should be more thankful for our things, comforts, and loved ones as we could have easily been and possibly still end up like this old man in these uncertain times. I enjoyed it immensely and thank you for the reminder to be humble in my chaotic life.
Where do I even begin? First, it was short which clarifies the focus of the poem. Next, it was deep and profound. Then the message of love and heartache made me cry. Lastly, the poem expresses that rare combination of a satisfying, full, emotional journey in a poem as short as this.
Very nice whimsical read! I enjoyed how it rhymed and the flow of the words. The concept was refreshingly gross (in a good way). I see this as appealing to young and old alike if you want a chuckle. I honestly wouldn't change a thing and I hope that one day you might go on to publish a collection of these. Reminds me of "The Light in the Attic".
I've always loved poetry like this about nature. Somehow the specific wording of the sentences, like in a Haiku, tend to lend a profoundness not found in the traditional rhyming poetry. I enjoyed the choice of nature's winter as to me it's the most poignant season.
Clever use of concept, just the right length, and overall a very good read. I'm giving a slightly higher score than I mormally do (a 4.0 instead of a 3.5) because it was satisfying like a good meal. Nothing exceptional, but neither did it lack anything. I enjoyed the ending. It reminds me of every time I renew my state ID.
I feel like I got sucked in with the character right away! The imagery was perfect reminding me of the better narrative games I've played including one in particular called "The NADI Project" or maybe "Song of the Sea". The only reason it's not a 5 is only because the character is ambiguous. I crave more!
It wasn't exceptional, but I enjoyed how you painted the picture of the perfact friend and partner, then ended with a few lines about what we as humans should do. The one issue I have is there must have been a better ryme than "put food in my toot-ey". I have questions about that sentence...
This was a senseless act of violance and hate, but we must remember for those whose blood was spilled. As tragic as this was, it only helped to stremgthen us. Not only were those who worked inside doing what they could to strengthen ties around the globe, or many of the first responders giving their lives selflessly for other's, but we found our true kindred spirits around the globe rallying for the good of freedom and right against the attempted reign of terror. While Americans mourned, the royal british guards gathered to sing our anthem. This is proof that our idea will never die. Despite being enemies when the Anthem was first written, our common bond of humanity unites us against all odds. We are to be thankful that even as the world crumbles, many of us still hold on to decency, to each other, and to God. May He bless all who hear and respond to the wrongs of the world with kindndss, compassion, and support. May this day of infamy also be the day of His infinite love.
Wow! I loved the layered irony here. A poem explaining what a proper poem should be while citing an example for a free verse poem, etc. A great poem like this can also "make the reader's mind blow".
Perfect and true except for one thing. I don't think that last word should be in an E rated work. This is the only reason I'm not giving a 5 rating since it's important to have correct content rating.
Um... Kinda all over the map and I couldn't tell what the subject matter was. You start of with food, then describe the home, while throwing a couple of lines about memories and love. What's the connection?
It feels a bit plain. Water is a common theme so it's hard to rate it highly without something else. Perhaps use more lines to elaborate or use different synonyms to add a "lyrical redundancy." It's by no means bad though.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.46 seconds at 12:49pm on Jun 05, 2023 via server web2.
Awards
Badges
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Auto-Reward Items
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "