It's a decent story. You did an efficient job of letting the reader know the character's personalities. You also quite quickly established what was going on. Lastly, you ended with a satisfying solution that was interesting despite it's simplicity. I loved the sudden appearance of the third sibling as a big brother who takes care of everything and the young brother giving his pie for the considerate silence.
A bit to work on. For starters it is hard to read when all the sentences are so short. Also, put some detail and emotion into it. The guy is mugged and almost nothing is given to express the pain he must feel or the emotional anger. I will say that the ending was spot on in concept if not in execution.
Very nice whimsical read! I enjoyed how it rhymed and the flow of the words. The concept was refreshingly gross (in a good way). I see this as appealing to young and old alike if you want a chuckle. I honestly wouldn't change a thing and I hope that one day you might go on to publish a collection of these. Reminds me of "The Light in the Attic".
I've always loved poetry like this about nature. Somehow the specific wording of the sentences, like in a Haiku, tend to lend a profoundness not found in the traditional rhyming poetry. I enjoyed the choice of nature's winter as to me it's the most poignant season.
Clever use of concept, just the right length, and overall a very good read. I'm giving a slightly higher score than I mormally do (a 4.0 instead of a 3.5) because it was satisfying like a good meal. Nothing exceptional, but neither did it lack anything. I enjoyed the ending. It reminds me of every time I renew my state ID.
I feel like I got sucked in with the character right away! The imagery was perfect reminding me of the better narrative games I've played including one in particular called "The NADI Project" or maybe "Song of the Sea". The only reason it's not a 5 is only because the character is ambiguous. I crave more!
It wasn't exceptional, but I enjoyed how you painted the picture of the perfact friend and partner, then ended with a few lines about what we as humans should do. The one issue I have is there must have been a better ryme than "put food in my toot-ey". I have questions about that sentence...
This was a senseless act of violance and hate, but we must remember for those whose blood was spilled. As tragic as this was, it only helped to stremgthen us. Not only were those who worked inside doing what they could to strengthen ties around the globe, or many of the first responders giving their lives selflessly for other's, but we found our true kindred spirits around the globe rallying for the good of freedom and right against the attempted reign of terror. While Americans mourned, the royal british guards gathered to sing our anthem. This is proof that our idea will never die. Despite being enemies when the Anthem was first written, our common bond of humanity unites us against all odds. We are to be thankful that even as the world crumbles, many of us still hold on to decency, to each other, and to God. May He bless all who hear and respond to the wrongs of the world with kindndss, compassion, and support. May this day of infamy also be the day of His infinite love.
Wow! I loved the layered irony here. A poem explaining what a proper poem should be while citing an example for a free verse poem, etc. A great poem like this can also "make the reader's mind blow".
Perfect and true except for one thing. I don't think that last word should be in an E rated work. This is the only reason I'm not giving a 5 rating since it's important to have correct content rating.
Um... Kinda all over the map and I couldn't tell what the subject matter was. You start of with food, then describe the home, while throwing a couple of lines about memories and love. What's the connection?
It feels a bit plain. Water is a common theme so it's hard to rate it highly without something else. Perhaps use more lines to elaborate or use different synonyms to add a "lyrical redundancy." It's by no means bad though.
Good start, but you should continue with more polls or maybe use a survey for more detailed questions. Also, you dont have the choice "breast expansion", which suprises me. Lastly, you have "giantess" and "shrinking", but not "growing".
I only recognized two choices. This should really be explored in more detail as a survey. Especially the pokemon choice due to its multiple regions and stories.
This is exactly what I need! I don't have trouble setting goals, its motivating myself. Nice way to earn easy GP and improve myself! Here is some GP for such an awesome idea!
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