ok not enough here to really say anything about plot etc but must admit the short piece has me hooked it has enough dark undertones to cause me to want to see more.Excellent build up and dialogue. There wasn't any technical errors that I could detect. Well done and looking forward to more. Duke Stone
A nice start to the story but unfortunately not enough to deterime if the plot is solid. The dialogue is well written and I like the mood even though the story doesn't really establish anything.. it's almost a slice of life scenerio piece. I would love to see this developed into a more complete and well rounded form. Good Writing...Duke Stone
A nice poem though the flow seems to hang up jsut a bit in places. Perhaps a reread with an eye towards that would smooth out the rough spots. Over all though a very descriptive poem with wonderful imagery and an excellent mood. Good Writing...Duke Stone
A great poem overall. The word acception seems to disrupt the flwo some and perhaps a reread might help with that but others it's a great poem as it stands. There were no technical problems noted.The imagery was sharp and clear and the mood was excellant...Good Writing...Duke Stone
A wonderfully crafted and well told story that had me involved from begining to end. Holmes is a great hero of mine and I really enjoyed your rendition of him. The story moved along at a nice pace, never dragging but always keeping the right amount of suspense. A great effort...Good Writing...Duke Stone
A very nicely done piece on the nature of words and the magical, mythical, almost scared quality they hold for some of us. I find myself more entranced by the sound and the flow of the words, thier meanings providing a texture of thier own rather than fonts, colors or emoticons. Still it was very thought provoking...Good Writing...Duke Stone
Very nicely done. I love the way you set the mood with the description of the flower then use irony to describe the day then find beauty in the image anyway. A great piece the flwo was there for me... and i really enjoyed this one... Good writing...Duke Stone
A nicely written piece. Very jaunty and the pace moves along well. The flow is there as the words seeming to move almost seemlessly. A very nice and well focused piece and very true to the subject that you chose. I did find that a couple of your rhymes were a tad awkward but overall it works well...Good writing...Duke Stone
A much better poem. the flow still misses a beat in a few places but the overall piece moves forward well, saying what you want it to say. your analogy works well and you create a very descriptive and emotive scene. A well written piece...Good writing... Duke Stone
Well not much here to judge in the way of plot etc but the characters seem real and compelling making me want to learn more about them. The story is well written and well paced giving just enough breathing space for the reader to absorb the info without losing it's momentum. Perhaps you should combine the chapters into a whole so that it would be easier to judge your plotline. Good Writing...Duke Stone
Since this is a WIP I'll reserve final judgement until after you ahve honed it but right now you need a lot more developement. Everything is rushed and it gets tangeled. Your dialogue needs work so that each character developes a distinctive voice. Keep Writing..Duke Stone
This one seems to lose it's way. I liked the start but it seemed to lose sight of what was being conveyed as it went along( or perhaps it jsut lost it's ability to communicate to me what it wanted to say) At any rate it would be a really nice piece if it was a bit more focused. Duke Stone
A really nice poem. I would ahve liked to have seen the interplay more but it evokes a very nice aura of suspense. The A rhyme scheme distracts me from the true depth of the subject at timews but it is a really nice poem. Have you thought of doing a free verse version or perhaps a prose story of sometype? I'd really love to see the characters/situation developed further. Duke Stone
A very thought provoking poem and so true. Mayhaps now you could do a follow up poem that answers the question. For man is a vain and shallow creature at heart. How many will follow the path of least resistance when it comes to though rather than think for themselves? Good writing...Duke Stone
A great story that works on several levels..I loved the way you started it as almost a fairy tale and ends with such a surreal scene of sacrifice and destruction...The way you prtray her emotions rings true through out and adds to the horror at the end.. a really great job..Duke Stone
only caught one slight typo.. (you instead of your in one line)... A well written poem , I especially liked the beginning lines that described her as you saw her. Perhaps this poem would benefit from a few more lines that tell of his need for her. A great poem and an enjoyable read...Duke Stone
A very good twist ending indeed.. still you might want to make her a little more hard to get or else even someone as dumb as him would figure something wasn't kosher...Still it moved at a nice pace with enough detail to set the scene but not cluttered as to slow down the action.. over all i'd have to say I really enjoyed this one...Duke Stone
A wonderful story. Well crafted and with a nice ending... The pace was taut and moved well. It really made me feel the emotions and the madness of your character and pity for his victim...great work to take so few words and be able to convey so much. keep writing ...Duke Stone
A very nice effort though it doesn't really make me feel the emotions that you're trying to convey ..I see the hourglass but it doesn't amke me feel the sand slipping away, through my grasp as it were. Also the single word lines at the end helped to convey the feeling but somehow fell jsut a little short. i think perhaps a rewrite with an eye towards increasing the detail and reader involvement would greatly improve upon this poem...Keep writing,,,Duke Stone
A very good description of a library but doesn't offer any new insights or turns. you should work on establishing something that sets your journey apart from other journeys that have gone before. Don't be afraid to take chances and explore new ways of expressing yourself. You have some real potential...Keep writing...Duke Stone
Gotta give this one high marks.. anybody who can work in a plot twist in 55 words deserves it...a great, fun read. The story was well done and complete . something a lot wouldn't be able to do in such a limited space. The short sentences in the first paragraph reall work to enhance the urgency of the chase. Alomst an homage to Jack Webb himself. Great job! Duke Stone
This is a great poem. I found it to be touching and oh so true. Your gut wrenching description of her absense is something that really reached deep within me. a very well written poem and one which deserves to be read by as large an audience as possible. Keep writing. Duke Stone
The poem is very powerful and moving. You can feel the hurt of the characters and it pulls you into their world. or perhaps I should say their hell. There is one place where i find myself a little confused as to wether he has left or simply broken a promise and torments her more by his continued presense but still a great poem. Duke Stone
I love the way you use casual laguage yet maintain an air of respectability to it. The poem flows well and really conveys the feels of your character well.. you can feel her crying out against the stagnant water yet afraid to plunge into the swift current of the river. Very nicely done. Duke Stone
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