This one has potential and I look forward to reading more. It is a great scene full of vivid imagery and a taut narrative to keep you reading. The bit of foreshadowing was great but needs to be resolved when you continue or expand the story. The ending strikes a bit off because the character of knowledge is too vague to really catch your imagination but am looking forward to seeing more revealed. Good writing, Duke stone
A wonderful , fun tale that promises to bring much more enjoyment. Your eye for imagery and the description of how the people react and act are great this reminds me a lot of the Robert Asprin Myth adventures series in the early books especially. Am truly looking forward to reading more of Cleomonth and his dragon. Good writing, Duke Stone
A wonderful read. It followed the form and rose to embrace the higher calling of the story as well. Too often the story is subverted to the form but here your story rang through with heart touching clarity and inspiring thought. A great poem that I envy you for writing, Good writing, Duke Stone
Wow, this one has so much pain and anguish in it that you can feel it crying out from the page. This one makes the reader really feel the pain of the lead character. If this one is in anyway biographical I'm truly sympathetic with their plight, if not then you have a strong sense of character and made it work for you. This one has a raw and ragged edge to the writing but it works for you as this appears to be similar to a dairy entry or a confessions type essay and so it adds to the realism of it all. Good Writing, Duke Stone
This one is a nice story , a bit disturbing, okay quite a bit disturbing and made more so because every writer has those moments of being willing to do almost anything to make the next word flow. A wonderfully written and well told story. Good writing, Duke Stone
This one shows some real promise but needs a lot of polish. You have a great chemistry between your two main characters and the dialogue flows well between them. There are several things however that distract from your story . mainly the lack of line breaks for paragraphs and the frequent typos and misusage such as "there" for "thier" A spellcheck alone isn't enough. You really have to read a piece over before submitting it. That said though, I found myself becoming involved with this one. If you decide to do a rewrite send me a note and I'd love to reread and rete it. God Bless and Good writing, Duke Stone
A wonderful, heart touching poem. God's grace is what allows us to surviver the terrible burdens that this life so often brings and only by his grace shall we one day live anew, his hands securing us forever more. You really caught the turmoil and the peace of a Christian's soul in a moment of supreme grief. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
I really enjoyed the twist and the way your character accepted his mission. No whining or groaning just waiting for the fateful confrontation. I would have liked for him to t least have remembered who the female is, perhaps given a clue as to their relationship. This would be a natural part of his thought process in my opinion. A great story here told with few well chosen words. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A touching and warm story that rings of truth. I would love to see a bit more of the interactions, establish the mother's character a bit more during her sane period so that when she loses it you can see the difference. The piece has the right emotions but a bit more showing will bring them across in a more powerful way, totally involving the reader in your story. A good story that can be great with a bit of polishing. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
Okay I was a bit disappointed at first because I was hoping that this would continue the story started in the last chapter but as a stand alone story this one works well. the pace slowed down and you showed that Ziti does indeed have something on the ball instead of just a geek living inside his head. This one really helped to round out your character. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
I'm giving you a perfect for the ending twist alone. Loved it. Your dialogue is taut and crisp and truly reminscent of a long passed era. An era that I murneven as I reread it . You have captured something special here. I have read several attempts to combine the grand tradition of the PI with a humorous slant over the past few months and none have succeeded as well as your's does. most make the mistake of getting too caught up in self mockery and it defeats the purpose of establishing the PI as a modern era knight errant. I look forward to reading more chpters. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
Well your poems exhibit the same raw power and passion as your stories and that's a good thing. You will find that your abilty to hone these will increase with time and practice which is the only way to sharpen the wit. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. God Bless and Good writing. Duke
A gripping story though a bit confusing in parts. Thisa one may of been under a word count constraint and so skips some major parts of the story to make itr coheshive. I enjoyed the great atmosphere you bring to the piece and the flowing beauty of your action scenes but you really need a bit more set up to make it as strong as this story could be. Lots of potential here. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A very gothic piece with a nice descriptive touch but you really need to open this one up. You can't invest in the character nor feel his emotions as it stands. Every thing hits too quickly. You don't have a moment to let it absorb. A good beginning here but in need of some work. God Bless and good writing, Duke
This one was fun though you cane tell when Hose' kicked in. The pace is fast, almost too fast. You seem to have a runaway horse here. It just keeps getting faster. You might want to open it and let it breathe a bit. As for the word play it was clever and well done and all too true. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
Well you have a really good sense of flow and a wonderful ability to create mood however your descriptions leave the reader wondering exactly what is going on. This may be intentional on your part but as a reader I found it distracting. You have a really nice kernel here and I' love to see it developed more. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
I would like to see a bit more detail here and perhaps some suspense elements. You have an opportunity here to launch a major quest. Both a search for humanity and one of robots finding themselves. As it stands you have a nice little side story but you're missing the main event. I enjoyed your characters as they came to life and would love to see you take them further. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A fun little story. This one had all of the classic earmarks. A sweet, wonderful example of an old fashioned romance. You really did an excellent job of making your characters come alive and that is what makes any story great. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A we;; written and intrigueing story. I feel that the last scene between the dwarf and Rhondar could and should be further developed. It felt as if you sensed the end of the story nearing and rushed this last scene. your usual talent for vivid description and action driven prose as witnessed in the earlier scenes seemed to be lost here for some reason. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A well done story that mixed a bit of fiction with a lot of fact. Your story enthralled me from start to finish as I witnessed the betrayal and death of Beckett through the eyes of innocence. The only thing that would improve this one is a continuation as it felt more as a beginning than an end. A start for the youthful Elspeth. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A great effort and the flow works well but I think that if you're trying to capture God/Christ here then you need to look at the fact that he waits but doesn't hide, That He shows forth through not only his chosen(Christians) but through the very world around us. You show some really good potential here and I look forward to reading more of your work. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A wonderful story. You have captured something truly special here. I love how you use God as the real mover in the story. There are people who say God is dead. That we need to replace Him with reason, science, insert whatever is the cause of the day here but you have managed to show what happens when we do so well. Thank you and God Bless.
Duke
Sadly this is all too true. We have allowed secret agendas and secret groups to influence us for decades. Perhaps we have waited too late to retake control of what was once a noble experiment but which has been corrupted into some thing so grotesque as to sicken the soul. You have struck upon the heart of the matter though. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A poem that drags you kicking and screaming into the character's world. Strong almost explosive with an under lying feeling of despair that holds a dark fascination of its own. Thank God that there is someone to lift even the lowliest of us up. A powerful lpiece that was a pleasure to read. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
A well done and deep poem. You have painted the univeral picture of the anguish caused by warfare. We hang convient labels on iell Shock war nerves. Post Traumatic Stress. call it what you will, it boils down to the soul rebelling at sensless death. God Bless and Good writing, Duke
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