Hi . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem. I truly love the way you've posted all versions of it to show how it evolved into your final form. I should try that but a lot of mine start as a scribbled line on a napkin at the waffle house so not sure how that's gonna work out.
What I liked about this one
Final version I enjoyed the calming flow of the words flowing smoothly like a gentle brook. The thought of the muse being akin to but not God was an interesting concept that i found well done and thought provoking. Truly I am rating this one a 5 simply because I can't picture one way to improve on it. Good writing, Duke Stone
An interesting view point, one that holds many truths. I hope that I can adapt a similar philosophy to the 1 star I received last night. I've been here years and is first time I got 1 star on anything....lmao live and learn..can't please everyone guess I'm back to pleasing myself. Hope to take a look at your main portfolio soon. Good writing, duke Stone
A well done poem that is a bit uneven in its flow in a couple of places but which carries a heart felt and wonderful message. The flow I think was placed second to the visual aspect of the form for the sake of that streamlined uniformity. It does make for a very strong visual and adds a certain something to the solidity but I'm not sure if it should be placed higher in importance than the flow. In the end only the writer knows what he is trying to achieve. I enjoyed the reading of this one and add an amen to your closing stanza. Good writing, Duke Stone
This one has a lot going for it thought the rapid pace and irreverence are at odds with the seriousness of the meaning . It reminds me a bit of a Monty Python sketch. If you understand you'll laugh hardily and if you don't you'll be left scratching your head. chuckles mildly for I have seen the enemy and they are us. Good Writing, Duke Stone
I'll give extra points for the laugh. Though gotta say the most disturbing part of this is the guy who talks to his breakfast. A twist ending for sure but it came just a bit hard and fast with no time for the reader to grasp the sudden change from resignation to elation. Over a ll a good story that could use some breathing room. Good writing, Duke Stone
Hi . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem. This one says a lot of your thoughts on your friends words though without giving the words themselves. The poem seems to follow the prescribed form well though it is one I haven't experimented with yet so can't speak of it from first hand knowledge.
What I liked
The almost martial flow of the piece you can hear the brass band in the background. well rhymed and the words are all well chosen , which is a big plus in traditional poetry as too many just plug in something that rhymes and try to make it fit.
What I thought good use improvement.
The last two stanzas could use a bit of fine tuning of the ideas conveyed for the concept of citizens as a herd being led, color blind or not, is a bit unsettling though probably true.
Overall view.
A nicely written poem that does provide food for thought and makes the reader consider if voting for a person because of color is any better than voting against them for the same reason. A well done poem.
Good writing, Duke Stone
Hi Pat . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your journal and thanks so much for the chance to be part of your great team here.
Wow. You have a serious and awesome challenge here and I am impressed at how well you have managed to handle it. I haven't read all of the entries yet but the ones I have read reveal the struggle for a young man's heart and soul. My prayers go to you that its a battle you, and he, wins. There were a few typos floating around but compared to the greatness of the struggle you depict it was grains of sand in my flip flops... I noticed it but it doesn't keep me off the beach. Good writing and great parenting. Duke Stone
Hi . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem. This one really appeals to me as I've done poetry based on a similar theme.
What I like.
I love the flow here as it sings to the mind and the ear. each word drops effortlessly from the tongue as one wraps the sounds inside and out. it carries a wistful tune that catches the imagination.
What could be improved.
The only thing that might stand improvement is the short stanza at the end which is carved in stone as opposed to the rest of the poem which was written on the wind. This may be the effect you're going for and if so then no worries but it jangled for me more than a bit. A great poem. Good writing, Duke Stone
Hi Mike . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem. Wow is all I'm even going to attempt to say. Your words were simple and eloquent. Beautiful and heart rending. Powerful and frustrated. Wonderful expression of an unthinkable event. You are so right when you say they can't know how you feel until their loved one is the one being lowered into that eternal rest. Your anguish literally drips from the page and into the heart. I'm sorry for your loss and the contradiction that is man. WE're allowed to feel as no other creature does but then hold no control over the events that shape and mold us. looking forward to reading more. Good writing, Duke Stone
Hi . Dutchess This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem. I'm just going to skip the break down with this one as it made me think and made me smile so for its simple style it stands at the brink....i'll jsut give it that magical five for I couldn't improve it one wink.
Good writing, Duke Stone
A wonderfully told story that rings so true. This actually reminds me of a country song from a few years ago called the "Chain of Love" but whether you call it a chain or love or ripples of kindness or paying it forward it all adds up to doing that little bit extra to inspire those around you and yourself. If you make a habit of doing that bit extra then the bit continues to grow as you do. Good writing, Duke Stone
A wonderfully told tale that swept me up in its scope and its very audacity to go against the current tide of political correctness. A well written and gripping story that while being a bit predictable had a twist ending that was well suited to it and stirred the imagination. Your imagery was vivid and sweeping and made your world come alive. Great stuff here, Good writing, Duke Stone
An interesting and cute's kids story. It shows that kids will be kids ghost or not. I really enjoyed the reading of it and couldn't detect anything that was out of place.Though you might want to reread the line about detention and grounding it doesn't flow quite as easily as it could. overall though a well told children's story. Good writing, Duke Stone
Well this story has a good bit going for it and concerning the word count limitations is well told. The development of your lead characters , especially the wife was well done however it left the characters of the brother(the dead) and the father(the finder) mostly non existent. This was more the reaction to news of someone else finding a body than of finding a body. That said it does make an impact in only 300 words. Good writing, Duke Stone
A very powerful and vivid poem. The emotion literally drips from it. The reading of it is disjointed in places but then so are dreams.. disjointed fragments that somehow weave a hold that all too often si even more compelling to us than the reality which surrounds us. I enjoyed this one. Good writing, Duke Stone
A darkly drawn and moving piece that firmly plants you in the eyes of the narrator but doesn't reveal much beyond that. The opening of a longer work perhaps ? A series of poems relating a story? I enjoyed what you ahve so far and am looking forward to reading the alrger work. good writing, Duke Stone
Ah but the act of doing is beyond observing and into translating thought to action which is often our hardest task. For how often do we see the woes of life dressed in silk and finery but fail to take them to task. in our mins we find excuses for not ripping away the mask. Still we wander these roads that life leads us down, struggling some how to make reason from chaos and rhyme from meaningless sound. A nice poem with a fun premise. Good writing, Duke Stone
Wow. A well thought out and well told story. The intermingling of some of the best written descriptive prose I've read in a long time with a very nice selection of lyric bits makes this a real winner. I loved the beat of your descriptions as they lent a certain bittersweet wistfulness to it all. A tale well told. Good writing, Duke Stone
An interesting story/poem that carries with it a sense of regal and majestic though horrifying doom. A well written piece that captured the imagination and filled the mind's eye even as the cadence built a stately procession that led to that doom with a unyielding but compelling pace. Like watching a car wreck. You can't look away even as the mind's eye is filled with the images of certain death. Good writing, Duke Stone
A wonderful poem of love as true that ever rode a trail. It always amazes me how people who don't have that contact with animals don't realize how deeply they can love or how deeply they can become a part of you. Good writing ,and as a wise man once said, Happy trails to you until we meet again. Duke Stone
A good summation of both what you're seeking and what most writers seek. The challenge of exploration and the satisfaction of growth and improvement. I truly wish you the best of wishes as you work towards those goals in the coming year. Good writing, Duke Stone
Loved this one. This one has all the things that make a story great, The characters have a strong life of their own and this is the most important part of any story. Without being invested in the characters the story is just a walk through. Good writing, Duke Stone
An interesting and true tale though he was seeing the measurement of life as much as the measurement of time. Life can not be conserved but only experienced the world goes on and your body ages regardless of the actions you take or fail to take each minute , every day. Family , love , joy are all part of the moments we need to carry with us but too often become lost in the tangle of sorrow and tragedy. Good writing, Duke Stone
A very vividly imagined and described scene with characters the come to life but the thread of the story becomes tangled and loss with the ending not really providing you with a string to start unraveling it. Your events take on the surrealism of a dream but confuse the reader so much that it leaves me with an unsatisfied feeling even though I really enjoyed both strong females. A nice but uneven and confused story that could use some revision. Duke Stone
wow a powerful and deeply personal poem to be sure. You pain is well captured by the words however the pain is mixed with a confusion that causes the reader to repeat the read from line to line trying to track your thoughts. punctuation changes and additions or a revise would help the cohesive whole of this one. I hope that you have regained your trust in boys in genreal if not him in specifics. thanks for sharing, Good writing, Duke Stone
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dukestone/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 3:19am on Apr 26, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
