First impression:
I love a good haiku. Good ones, as yours, invite the reader to read and reflect, multiple times.
Donning my Editing cap/suggestions:
None noted
In summation:
I had to look up a Cassia tree blooming and lord, are they beautiful! I’ll put Florida in the spring on my bucket list to be able to witness the golden blooms for myself.
First impression:
Spuddle! Spuddly! A Spuddly day! This poem made me laugh all the way through. Spuddle is a word I have never heard of, and you did a fantastic job of detailing a morning that’s getting nowhere fast. Each stanza reads well and everything flows together just right.
Donning my Editing cap/suggestions:
None noted
Favorite part:
Then crunchy bites of scrambled egg,
a piece of shell fell in!
I both laughed and cringed at this part. Breakfast is truly ruined when that happens!
Hi again! Another poem of yours popped in "Read & Review."
A review of {item: 2297216}
First impression:
Poetry, at its finest, pulls the reader in and makes them swoon from the words that grace the page. Love poems especially can do this. Your poem has all the feels, and all the swoons. Hopefulness with no regret is my takeaway. What would we do without hope?
Donning my Editing cap/suggestions:
There are many powerful lines in your poem. I feel that they are somewhat lost without breaks in stanzas.
If I may suggest:
I can’t keep looking back
wondering about what might have been—
not when you’re here right in front of me,
hinting at what could be
And I can’t keep holding on to impossibility, hoping—
not when you’re waiting for me,
promising nothing but possibility
I can’t keep thinking about all the yesterdays,
done and gone—
not when you might be all my tomorrows
And I can’t keep reaching backwards—
not when you can pull me forwards
I can’t keep wishing for that other world,
that other place so inaccessible to me—
not when you’re here and you can be my
universe, my galaxy, my sun and my stars
And I can’t keep lamenting the something that I can’t have—
not when you can give me the everything that I want
Favorite part: I can’t keep thinking about all the yesterdays,
done and gone—
not when you might be all my tomorrows
Overall impression: This is a great example of a tongue in cheek entry of doing something nigh impossible. Who know there were so many words with the letter "e" in them? I actually misread the description, thinking that just the last word couldn't end with an "e."
You did the almost impossible!
Editing/suggestions: None. Still kind of in awe of your accomplishment and wondering if I could attempt the same.
Hi there! I'm stopping by with a review of {item:}
First impression: This article is well-researched and interesting facts about the wives behind the men who were past presidents of the United States.
This is written factually, as it should be.
Suggestions: Between Garfield and Harding, there is extra white space that could be removed. Totally minor, but I did want to point it out.
In summation: I want to thank you for writing this. History is fascinating, especially when presented in such a manner as you have set forth to do. I was sucked in immediately.
I want to know more! You provided a handy link for readers like me to rabbit hole down.
Hello! I'm stopping by with a review of "Alice WC 297"
First impressions: "Old" ladies are not to be trifled with. This old gal has got it going on.
This is a solid entry for a contest, although I don't know what the rules were. That doesn't matter. What matters is that you have portrayed a feisty old lady, hampered by the well wishes of her son.
She longs to fly. He'd rather she stay at home. To keep her "safe." Funny how "safe" can feel like prison.
Editing/suggestions: None.
In summation: I really enjoyed this short story. A good story, to me, is one that entertains and makes you think. This one does both.
Hi there! I'm stopping by with a review of "Heading Home"
Overall impression: Your song lyrics made me cry. I hope you sell this for big bucks!
Songs that provide access to deep emotions are the ones that impact our lives. Your lyrics do that for this reader. There is a sad poignancy throughout that tug at me with each reading.
Editing/suggestions: All of this is just my opinion, but would you consider altering the line "Pride shines in their eyes," to "Pride shining in their eyes?" Just a thought.
Aesthetically, the very last line "I'm going home at last" is in smaller font. This might be deliberate to note fading voices but I wanted to point it out.
In summation: I'd love to hear this set to music. It's Really Good.
Overall impression: This is a really well-thought out story. Your description indicates that it's based on true events, which makes the telling even more impressive.
I liked your use of truncated words throughout the telling, giving the reader the impression that this takes place in an area that is not a city. There's a down home feeling with the children running out to play, and having to pass by a property with a barn.
Editing/suggestions: in your first use of "nothin" (third paragraph) Iapostrophean appostrophe to the end, in keeping with other instances of same throughout your story.
In summation: I really enjoyed reading this story. It came alive for me, as all good stories should.
I read your entry with interest. I think, for most writers, (this one, anyway) I can relate to the procrastination you talk about.
There are always a million reasons we think we can't. So we don't. Then we beat ourselves up that we are wasting our lives by not doing what we think we are here to do. It's an endless cycle.
Aesthetically, I would suggest more paragraph breaks so that the reader can focus on your message. Your words deserve that.
Favorite bit: I have been timid in the footsteps of my past selves' wishes for me
In summation: I would say that the path of writing isn't necessarily easy. Find your voice and glory in it. It's all in there. You hold the key.
I happened across your contest entry. All was well and fine until the end. That was a surprise/shocking/sad ending, which makes the notes that come before that much more poignant.
I liked the way you included the slang guide at the ending, although (my opinion) it would have been helpful to include "Wotcher." Is that some kind of greeting?
The progression of notes is appropriate. Ending? Shocking but effective.
"Coven" is an appropriate title for the subject matter. Somehow, my mind flashed an image of perhaps the time of the witch hunt in Salem? These women, as I read your entry, were all wearing long dresses and white caps that tied beneath their chins.
I'm not a hundred precent clear on how/why the change from reviling her to worshiping her? I might suggest a paragraph break as well, before the sentence that begins "They dragged her to the chair..."
Interesting though, the imagery that pops up when I read this.
I swear to you, Vincent Price narrated this story in my head. The theme to "Thriller" played in the background, heard in eerie strains between the clatter of dried leaves over the hard ground.
Your descriptions are beautiful and detailed. What a treat to be creeped out by your story.
There is such sincerity in your words. I can feel the love pouring through each line.
There's also a feeling of finality. As if the writer was actually in their last days. This tone adds poignancy to your words.
Editing/suggestions: In the first line of your second stanza, I might suggest replacing "see" with "find" or something similar. "I can find no finer word to say,"
You're very good at building suspense, as evidenced by this short story. I was appropriately creeped out by the end.
The pace is good. There are great descriptions especially at the beginning, when you reveal the contents of the box.
This leads me to my one and only suggestion, which is in your opening sentence, "Henry bought the notebook at a yard sale. It came at the bottom of a box of odds and ends sold for a couple of bucks."
I submit, for your consideration, that you don't mention the notebook at the beginning of the story. Henry bought a box of stuff at a garage sale, mainly for the figurine. The notebook is in there, but doesn't play a part until later.
Just my opinion, but I wanted to point it out.
Overall, this is a really enjoyable read. Creepy, but enjoyable.
Anger is always an interesting subject. We try to tamp it down but sometimes it rears its ugly head anyway.
I loved the first two stanzas of your poem especially. The third is also strong, transitioning anger to acceptance and the knowledge that our anger doesn't exist in a bubble. And while I like the fourth and last stanza, I wonder if it's too much of a turn to the "turning the other cheek?" It's my opinion that there is going to be anger still, even while knowing that you must indeed seek peace.
That's just my opinion, of course. Leaving it as is takes nothing away from the beauty of your poem, which I really enjoyed reading.
A Minute Poem! I've read a few of these, but didn't know what they were called. The website you provided a link to was certainly helpful in that regard.
The pace is good on your poem; the rhyming impeccable. In an expansive moment I imagine millions of healing hands the world over, soothing and healing.
There is a patriotic tone to it, which makes me sit straighter in my chair! No kidding! Patriotic yet welcoming. As intended, I think, that we, our forefathers immigrants, should welcome their new neighbor to this land where together we can look for a brighter future.
Whew! A good poem sparks a storm in the soul. Yours does that.
Editing wise, I believe "it's" should be "its," as "it's" would be the contraction of "it is."
I enjoyed reading your essay. The personalization of your own journey, coupled with not only a story from the bible but also how Christianity is perceived in other cultures make for a good accounting.
I might suggest that you take the very last time and move it to before the part about being in China, as (to me) that would be more of a set up for what is to follow.
I'm happy to have come across your beautiful poem this afternoon.
There is peace and serenity in your words. Sincerity and compassion also. But what stands out most for me is the Knowingness. The Surety. Your words invite the reader to KNOW this will be. That there is a way and a path. And that they are never alone.
I love poems like yours. Poems that spark interest, that read beautifully, and that linger in the mind long after the reading is done.
Favorite bit (hard to choose!): A soul sighing Yes/and you just know
I happened upon your short story in Read & Review. I've been known to plow my way through pretty gross stuff while reading. Think Stephen King gross. Your story ranks up there!
I could feel the boy's fear at being bullied into helping his "friend" skin that poor poodle (who hopefully died somehow not at the Harley's hands?) and then again when he thought he got away into his own yard and then Again at the vat of acid.
The story moved along to its grim conclusion at a good pace and was appropriately awful (I won't say poor Uncle Jack because clearly he had it coming to him).
Editing wise I noted a few things, but nothing to distract the reader.
I've read and re-read your poem and am left with the tranquility you promised in the title.
The words you use and the manner in which you set up the stanzas paint a lovely, bucolic picture that nestles into the heart.
I hope to carry this peace with me today.
I do like how your poem rhymes but that each sentence does not end with that rhyming word. That's unusual, and I like it. A lot.
Editing cap donned, I question the word "frills." My understanding of the meaning of that word doesn't fit here, but I'm sure you had a good reason to use it.
Tongue in cheek and smiling at the title, I read your fantasy entry. Fantastic indeed, including that Bob now gets the other two wishes since Doris has just disappeared herself from that scene.
I might ask how this would have gone had Bob originally found the lamp? Not that I'm an expert in djinn lore, but if we assume the finder gets all three and the bystanders get none, that might have changed things a mite. Although Doris disappearing probably would still be his first wish!
Oh wait. I see Bob did pick it up first! But Doris' foot touched it...
Editing wise, I might suggest a few more details in these sentences:
"Suddenly, a genie appeared in a cloud of smoke followed by a loud clap of thunder. “What wish may I grant you?” she asked.
Bob noticed how attractive she was."
If only to clarify that the genie was female (although part of the fantasy would be a fantasy-shaped genie).
Overall, this is a fun story. I enjoyed smiling my way through it.
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