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126
126
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review of "Buster Dog and the A-Team Cake" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This is a true story! It’s almost too good to be fiction.

Written in an engaging format, the story flows from one event to the next, leading the reader through not only the events leading to the tragedy but then onward to the fix that saved the day.

Buster’s untimely and unwanted sampling of the cake actually turned out to be a boon. NO one ever had a cake exactly like his.

What I liked:

I liked the story in its entirety, and this portion in particular: …Buster, up to the front porch then had gone back down the walk to boss his little brother around and watch for his friends to arrive.

Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

*Writing*I would suggest adding in the word “themed” in this sentence:

Marsha placed our order for an A-Team decoration with the supermarket’s bakery section,

Perhaps “Marsha placed our order for an A-Team themed cake with the supermarket’s…”

*Writing*And here, I would think about taking off the first portion of the sentence, for readability:

Meanwhile up on the porch, as soon as Buster…

Perhaps “As soon as Buster…”

To me, Buster needs to get in the house and he’s already up on the porch with Grandma.

*Writing*Finally, you did mention George Peppard by his full name. Perhaps this is nitpicky, but Mr T’s full given name is Laurence Tureaud…

In summation:

This story surely has been told and retold throughout the years. What great memories! And kudos to Marsha for thinking on her feet!

Thank you for an enjoyable read.


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127
127
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review of "Fight for me harder" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This is a poem about heartbreak. Ongoing heartbreak which, in my opinion, is worse than just ending things.

What I liked:

I loved the format of this poem: two lines to one stanza, then a summation one line before moving on. It reads well.

Something I wanted to point out: Please use or discard as you see fit.

*Writing*I’m not sure how I would suggest fixing this, but I’m not in love with the very last line of the poem. The writer admits early on that the issue is their own fault, so when you say

I wish you would fight for me harder

It feels like the writer is shifting blame. In my opinion, this last line doesn’t fit the tone of the poem. I encourage you to play with the wording. At the very least, you could try

I wish you would fight harder for me


In summation:

This is a well-crafted poem with a great format.

Thank you for an enjoyable read.


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128
128
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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A review of "The Girl In The Mirror" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This short story holds a lot of angst.

We live in a world of self-doubt, made only worse by the comparisons we make with people who are not us. Before social media we had doubts. LOTS of them. But certainly not to the degree we have them today.

What I liked:

This is written from the viewpoint of a young girl who, if nothing else, is disappointed in herself. The clarity of this angst stands true during the entire narrative. There is an uncomfortable feeling through the reading, making the character very relatable.

Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

*Writing*I would suggest breaking this up into paragraphs and enlarging the font for readability.

*Writing*Replace the period with a question mark here

so why can't I.

In summation:

I’d like to give this girl a message: don’t compare yourself to others. No one leads a perfect life. Be yourself, in all your glory. If you don’t know who you are yet, give yourself a chance. Lots of chances.

Thank you for an enjoyable read.


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129
129
Review of Birthday  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "Birthday" Open in new Window.

First impression:

Who doesn’t love a party?

The folks at WDC know how to do it!

I loved the image this evoked of a room full of fun loving people ready to celebrate.

Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

Perfect as is!

In summation:

This simple poem brings a smile to my face. 😊

Thank you for an enjoyable read.


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130
130
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review of "It’s the middle of the night again " Open in new Window.

First impression:

This poem is about heartbreak and love. Can a parent wish their child well? We can only hope that it would be so simple.

I loved the repeated usage of “It’s the middle of the night again” between stanzas. It gives the reader the idea that this constant worry is never-ending and ties the stanzas together well.

Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

*Writing*In this stanza, I feel the cadence is a little burdened. I get what you’re saying, for sure, but wonder if something like this might work:

I keep you in my bed to have you close
You're too big you're growing up
Taking all the space
My pillow is yours (LOVE this line!)

I keep you in my bed to have you close
You’re too big
You’re growing up, taking all the space
My pillow is yours

*Writing* Did you mean daybreak when you wrote day? Or dawn?

The day is getting closer
I'm too scared to fall asleep
Just a little while more
Listening to your breaths

In summation:

I was so sad reading this, while also filled with love for both the child and the parent.

Thank you for an enjoyable read.


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131
131
Review of Praise the Writer  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "Praise the Writer" Open in new Window.

First impression:

Oh gosh! This poem is so very appropriate for WDC! I loved it in its entirety. Each stanza, with each rebuttal, made me smile and nod in agreement.

We’ve all been on the receiving end of helpful reviews and then those that are just a little too much.

Suggestions:

I’m wondering how I dare point out something in a poem about editing? But it’s just my opinion and I’ll be brave!

An easy fix to rearrange.
*Writing* I can see where ‘rearrange’ might roll a little better, but mightn’t ‘arrange’ do just the same? (This might just fall into the “a little too much” category!)

In summation:

Rhyming, tongue-in-cheek poetry about the bane of every writer, here at WDC and elsewhere.

I’d nominate this for the 101 portion of this website! A must-read for all new members!

Thank you for an enjoyable read.


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132
132
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review of "King of all the Snails" Open in new Window.

First impression:

Had someone offered to read me a poem about a snail, I most likely would have turned them down.

Had I turned them down, and it had been your ever-so-cute poem, I would have missed out.

Donning my editing cap/Suggestions/Just My Opinion:

I like that you capitalized “Bold” here: And Caractacus the mighty was the bravest of the Bold. However, I wonder if you wanted to take it a step further and also capitalize “mighty?” That makes his title “Caractacus the Mighty.” Just a thought.

Favorite bit:

at a hundred miles a year
This made me smile

Thank you for an enjoyable read.


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133
133
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A review of "NY Jets: Draft Profile, Sam Hartman" Open in new Window.

First impression:

I enjoyed reading the assignment about Sam Hartman. While I am more of a fringe enjoyer of football (by that I mean I don’t have a favorite team nor do I get wrapped up in draft picks), it’s a very informative article. I came away feeling like I knew a lot more about the Jets potential pick.

Donning my editing cap/Suggestions/Just My Opinion:

The main thing that stands out to me is the capitalization of quarterback in several instances throughout your article. I believe it is more appropriate to leave off the cap unless you are using it as a title.

Example: Notre Dame Quarterback Sam Hartman. Here the capitalization is appropriate as it is part of his title.

Example: bring yet another Quarterback into the mix. Here I feel ‘quarterback’ is more appropriate.

Question: which could prove costly and help him in the long run. When I think of the term “prove costly” it doesn’t stand out as a pro to me. Perhaps I am missing the meaning you intended in this line.


In summation:

In these days where quarterbacks are more than just passers but are also expected to run the ball when they can, I’m curious how our Sam Hartman stacks up.

Thank you for an enjoyable and informative read.
134
134
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A review of "Diamonds, Pearls and Tea" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This is a clever short story. I liked how the lady/birds kept interrupting and flustering the inspector.

Donning my editing cap/Suggestions/Just My Opinion:

There are a few things I would suggest you give some consideration to. I’ve listed a few below.

“Thanks, — ” Here I would perhaps add, “and you are?” or something like that. He is an investigator and would perhaps want to give the illusion of being in charge.

“Dotty,” said Dotty.” Then, with this, you could perhaps take off the “said Dotty.” To me this is a little awkward. Or, you could amend it to say something like, “Dotty,” she supplied helpfully.”

“Ah,” said Inspector Bin. “Evening ladies. Sorry to bother you all.” I would add a comma after “Evening.”

For a challenge, perhaps consider using synonyms for “said” throughout the story.

In summation:

This is a fun story. I would encourage you to continue honing your skill.



Thank you.


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135
135
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "Weed Your Garden Day" Open in new Window.

First impression:

Eight lines of poetry to convey a setting, a feeling. You managed to do that quite handily with this poem.

It must be a universal dread. Yard work. Ugh.

The last line of your poem reminds us that the effort is worth the while.

Donning my editing cap/Suggestions/Just My Opinion:

My own personal preference would be to amend the word “beds” to “bed” to keep with the rhyming pattern. Of course there might be more than one flower bed in the gardens, but keeping the word singular just flows better when I read the poem.

In summation:

I admire the brevity of this poem, along with the emotions it evokes within me.

Thank you.


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136
136
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A review of "The Crucifixion of Time" Open in new Window.

First impression:

Question: did you actually enter the poem to the contest that no longer exists, or are you just flexing your (considerable) writing muscles?

Either way, I am once again impressed by your poetry. I’ll confess that I don’t even try rhyming poetry, but when I read poems such as this one, I’m always in awe of seemingly effortless rhyming.

Many attempt poems or stories about Time. You’ve got it nailed down. The others can stop trying.

Donning my editing cap/Suggestions/Just My Opinion:

In the second stanza, second line, I would like to suggest that the first “of” be replaced with “on,” so that it reads “on the altar of sin…”

"At the end of each year, he’s sacrificed
of the altar of sin that the world’s created.
He’s crucified but, unlike Christ,
his longing for pain is never sated."

Favorite stanza:

"He exists between each tick, each tock,
only seen by those he chooses.
Eternity measured by the sound of a clock,
and the suffering of those he abuses."

Thank you.


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137
137
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "The Crocodile and The Plover" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This is a cute short story! Just think, the plover trusts the crocodile not to snap his jaws shut and swallow her whole.

The interaction is fantastical and sweet. Both get what they want/need.

Donning my copy-editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

I would suggest making the font larger, for readability.

Nothing else noted.

Favorite bit:

"Eh was a 'ig hish."

This made me laugh. I love stories written with humor.


Thank you.


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138
138
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "for Grandma Joy: a pantoum" Open in new Window.

First impression:

When my mother died, I called her death “beautifully sad.”

That is what your poem is. Heart-wrenching, loving. Sad. And still beautiful because of your love for your grandmother.

The style that you used is new to me, but I really enjoyed it, especially when the most important lines coalesced into the final stanza. That’s very clever.

Donning my copy-editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

None noted.

In summation:

I got a good cry out of this one, and goosebumps.

Well done.

Thank you.


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139
139
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review of "The death of a writer" Open in new Window.

First impression:

You did mention these were snippets of an idea. I can see that it doesn’t really coalesce into a full story yet but certainly has the potential to be not only a whopping good short story but also a full-length novel.

Donning my copy-editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

These are minor copy-editing things that jumped out at me:

“She was lost and confused in the confines of her own mind.”
I would suggest you change “in” to “within.”

“The last 6 years have been brutal.”
Suggestion: spell out numbers. “6” to “six”

“She was a New York Times best selling author.”
Suggestion: “bestselling” is one word.

“She never was able to be herself unless she was behind the pen. That wall was why her husband left after years of silence.”
Suggestion: You reference a wall in this second sentence (love the imagery). However, to me, I believe you could add some reference to exactly what is the wall you’re referencing in the prior sentence. Is it her silence on all things writing? Is it in the past six years that this wall has been erected? Is it her inability to let anyone in? So many possibilities!

In summation:

It was my pleasure to review this story. Stories about writers and writing are always intriguing to me.

Thank you.


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140
140
Review of Blue Crayon  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A review of "Blue Crayon" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This is a beautifully written story with so many nuances to it. It’s also about color. I’m not even sure why I say that. Perhaps it’s when I imagined the crayons taking on a life of their own with the first paid portrait. Oh how I wanted to see the finished project!

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

None noted

In summation:

It was my pleasure to review this story. I’m currently watching an artist’s competition show and while I may not always understand why the artists do what they do or how they choose their colors, I will think about this story when I watch. Because it is, to me, about going outside of yourself and letting yourself be the conduit for the creativity that flows through you.

Thank you.


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141
141
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review of "Revelations WC: 817" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This is a story about pain. Real pain. Not only for the man who has missed the love of his father for forty-five years, but also for the father who could not come close to his sons, and then just the one son. A father is a man who takes the time to be there for his children, no matter who planted the seed.

It also left me with many unanswered questions, which is the point (I think) of any good short story.

There’s more to be written here, it seems.

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

I think I want to know how he initially suggested meeting up with his father. Was it a phone call? An email? This knowledge doesn’t change the story, but it does fill a gap this reviewer perceives.

I would also consider changing “strange” to “strangely”

“…mother started acting strange”
“…mother started acting strangely”

Both are correct. “Strangely” reads better, to me.


Favorite line:

“Seth and I thought a lot of things.”


I enjoyed this story very much.
Thank you.


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142
142
Review of Little Boy Stuck  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "Little Boy Stuck" Open in new Window.

First impression:

Bravo! What an interesting subject. You’ve captured the plight of poor stick boy, stuck forever.

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

I’m not sure how you feel about this, and of course it’s just my opinion, but what if you broke this into stanzas?

Suggested break points:

“I wish that I could run and jump,
Climb trees, kick balls, fall on my rump.
Between my sisters I am squished.
I'm a stick boy who's never fished.
My elbow will not bend to poke
the sibling that lives to provoke.
She bothers me with words and taunts.
I think of moves I cannot flaunt.

It's family my parents say.
On this car's glass we're meant to stay.
Stick together through thick or thin.
Stand tall, smile, wave, lift up your chin.
Never have I felt a tickle.
No tear drop did ever trickle.
Sigh, laugh or cry, it's not for me.
Stiff, posed figure I'll always be.

Car exhaust, road dust, I can't gasp.
Blaring horns, shouts, screech, I can't grasp.
Sun, smog, snow, sleet,. rain, I can't blink.
Up, down, bump 'round, it's hard to think.

I dream of mud puddles to stomp,
Friends in green fields to yell and romp,
hide and seek, riding a fast bike,
but I'm not real. This I don't like.

A sad simple sticker am I.
Ignored by most quick passersby.
If I could, I'd squirm and complain.
Stuck in one cramped spot is insane.

( 28 lines )”

Favorite bit:

“but I'm not real. This I don't like.”

Thank you.


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143
143
Review of In Me, a Mother  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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A review of "In Me, a Mother" Open in new Window.

First impression:

The structure of this poem is unusual and interesting. I’ll call them the “sub lines” which draw upon the connection of the baby in the womb as a testament to the never-ending love of a mother to her child.

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

While it doesn’t affect your poem or its readability, I wonder if the “&” would not better serve as just plain “and.” Not a big deal at all, but that’s what jumped out at me.


Favorite lines:

“as walls of a former residence;
as familiar pillars echoing womb whispers…”

Thank you.


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144
144
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "Divided by Miles (A Lost Love Poem)" Open in new Window.

First impression:

Your friend was right.
This is a well-written poem.
Love poems are (usually) about hope, longing and connection. Yours is a grand example of rhyming poetry that is not forced. It flows really well.

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

I would suggest you add a comma to this line, after “close.”

“We grew close heart to heart.”
“We grew close, heart to heart.”

In summation:

I enjoyed reading this. It brings to mind the special connection I share with the one I love.

Thank you.


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145
145
Review of Homecoming  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A review of "Homecoming" Open in new Window.

First impression:

I love poems like this one. Poems that leave you guessing at what happened prior to the person leaving. Was it a relationship gone sour? A friendship perhaps? Was the person in prison? The armed services? Rehab?

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

For me, I’m not sure how much the last line “after all” adds to the poem. I’ve read it both ways and of course it works fine. It’s just my opinion, but leaving it off leaves us in suspense. The last stanza is fantastic. Who is this person, really?

Favorite bit:

(Obvious, but it bears mention)

“because I can't help
but wonder
if it's really you”

Thank you.


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146
146
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "Baseball and Holidays" Open in new Window.

First impression:

The love of baseball is evident in this article. It’s well-written, with baseball facts sprinkled amidst personal observations.

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

The only thing I noticed is that there is no header for the graph you included at the end of the article. For non-baseball fans (like me!) (I KNOW!) it would be helpful in understanding why you included it. Probably I missed the significance, but thought I would point it out.

Favorite bit:

“Spring Training helps pass the time a little, but it's kind of like kissing your sister. How excited can anybody really expect you to get?”

Thank you.


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147
147
Review of Away  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "Away" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This is a simple, short poem, full of love, concern and caring. I imagined a soldier penning that to his love who is perhaps on the other side of the world. Circumstances pull us apart, but that doesn’t mean we have to say goodbye.

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

None noted

In summation:

Your poem evoked many emotions in me. I enjoyed the simplicity of the message very much. I pray that we all have someone in our lives who loves us this much.

Thank you.


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148
148
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A review of "Sharing Sunshine...It's What I Do!" Open in new Window.

First impression:

Amen! This is fantastic. You have put into words many of my own thoughts. Ratings are important to writers. Reviews are just as important—that’s why we’re here!

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

None noted

In summation:

I don’t have a cute nickname, but I agree with your philosophy. It is important to be kind. Especially when we expect others to treat us with that same kindness.

Personally, I’d rather receive a thorough review and a higher (but still fair) rating than just a few words and a lower one. I generally rate high but had tempered that after reading the reviewing guidelines. We’re all (or at least most of us) amateurs here. We deserve encouragement.

Interestingly, I have received several private reviews from one particular user here. The reviews are very short, but always trending towards the negative. I take the words with a grain of salt, but still find it curious that they choose the private format.

Thank you.


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149
149
Review of SELENA  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review of "SELENA" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This article is informative and factual. The writing style is friendly and flows well.

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

The only thing I am wondering about is the very first line:

XPbICTA\SELENAQUINTANILLA/GIgANTA


I don’t know what the letters before and after mean? Perhaps an explanation would help the reader understand.

In summation:

I did know this information about Selena, but enjoyed the read. Her music and legacy lives on.

Thank you.


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150
150
Review of Courage  Open in new Window.
Review by Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A review of "Courage" Open in new Window.

First impression:

There is a lot going on here! Trials and tribulations. The slog to the top of the hill.
But determination is the main theme, along with persistence.

Donning my Editing cap/suggestions/Just My Opinion!:

I would like to suggest that you break the poem into stanzas. There may be a reason for having everything together as you do, but from my POV, stanzas will give the eye (and mind) of the reader a pause to better assimilate your words and their impact.

Also, in the last line, "flag's" would be correct, as it is possessive.

In summation:

It took a few re-readings for me to get the import of the message in your poem. I quite enjoyed it.

Thank you.


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