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Thanks for participating in "Newbie Bitem Challenge - CLOSED"  ! Here is the review for "Universe" :
 Initial Reaction: The story is based on an interesting premise: What if there existed a door between Earth and Hell? What would happen if it were opened? The characters who are poised to discover the answers to these questions are well crafted. The story line is conflict-driven, and the reader understands Bill best as he is the main POV whose thoughts and perceptions we hear. The pace lags through some places, which is perhaps a side-effect of the attempt to keep the reader in suspense of what exactly is the 'discovery' they have made. It may serve the story to reveal the doorway nearer the beginning of the story body rather than halfway into the plot.
 What I liked: I thought you did a nice job demonstrating the conflict between Jarvis and Bill. It is evident through the dialogue, Bill's thoughts, and the back story provided that they have a close relationship which has, of late developed a competitive dynamic.
I enjoyed your characterization of Jarvis. Learning that he is a Texan, for me, added to his bullish characteristics, and helped me 'hear' him with a cowboy-like accent. You may consider putting this information earlier in the story, as it greatly shapes Jarvis's personality. I love this passage: Jarvis was getting dangerously obsessive about this. I could tell. His once pale blue eyes had burst into an incredulous and frightening orange, swirling and spinning around his pupils as if to tease them before swallowing them whole. He foamed at the mouth. He removed his hood to reveal his wild, hazel hair flailing in the tundra gale. Another hit, and another, and another. Great job capturing his maniacal actions. 
 Suggestions: I have a few suggestion  :
 Your vocabulary is vast, and I applaud you for looking for high impact, descriptive words. Be careful, though, that your choices don't lend a forced sound to the lines. If a large part of your reading audience must look up words to capture the essence of the sentences, they may tire of the story.
He proceeded to fetch the pickaxe from his bag, hoiking it over his right shoulder... -- Is 'hoiking' a word  , or should this be 'hoisting' or 'hooking'?
The inscription on the door is in French, (Is this a subliminal slam?  That the language on the Door To Hell is in French?). I am fluent in French, but am unfamiliar with the phrase: tout le toi. If you meant 'Everyone' I suggest using tout le monde.
Also, nous vous insistons jamais ouvert ceci.  Nous insistons que vous ne l'ouvriez jamais. (We insist that you never open it. - subjunctif )
You don't need the past perfect tense here: Soon enough, I had reached the bottom of the pit – as I looked back above us, it had hit me.
The paragraph beginning, "There was no light whatsoever. The only senses allowed to reciprocate from the experience were...", is full of amazing descriptives about the feel, sound, and odor the characters are experiencing. However, there is no explanation of how terrifying this must be for them. It left me with the impression that they took it in stride, unaffected by fear or horror.
 Grammar/spelling Oops: I suggest another read-through, with special attention to editing punctuation errors, specifically around quotation marks. A few such examples are:
“Yes.” He croaked, as though he was pushing up a word through force of will rather than through choice... -- Comma after 'Yes'; lower case h for 'He'. BTW, I love this sentence!
“We don’t.” I stated bluntly, beginning to turn back to the dogs. -- Comma after 'don't'.
“If you don’t wanna be part of this anymore, leave.” He snarled, now poised to take a swing... -- Comma after 'leave'; lower case h for 'He'.
Edit for typos. Some examples are:
Something within me that day wanted to me to escape the tundra... -- Extra 'to' before 'me'.
Once that had to be twisted before pulling it to open. -- 'Once' should be 'One'.
Overall, this story has a lot going for it. Once it is tightened up, and edited for editorial errors, it will shine brighter. Thank you very much for sharing; I enjoyed this read very much!
 I will roll the virtual dice on July 1st to determine the winner of the 5000 gps. I will post the winner in the challenge forum and email him/her directly. Also, keep checking "Invalid Item" for the posting of your (2)raffle ticket numbers, and when the drawing will be. Good luck!
Write On!
~ Nicki
 
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I wonder about lines 2 and 15:
Suggestions: None, I thought this was wonderfully written.
Nicki
!! (BTW- comma instead of a period after 'code'.).
I understand from the author's note at the beginning that this was written as part of a collaborative effort, so the Point of View narrative choice may not have been yours. Nonetheless, I will say that personally, I feel short stories like this one are better told in third-person limited narrative rather than third person omniscient. As the story opens with Jim, and we hear his thoughts, etc., it sounds out of place when we get to this line: