Hi Richard! Thank you for entering this story in:
In appreciation for the time and energy you spent writing this creative story in response to my prompt, I offer you this in-depth review. Please refrain from editing your piece until after the winners are posted in the forum. Thanks!
[The suggestions following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please only take what you find helpful and leave the rest  ]
 Characters: 4  's
 I enjoyed your depiction of Richard and Jenny. You use a great deal of physical description that helped me "see" them, especially Jenny, in my mind's eye. Usually I prefer more 'showing' than 'telling' descriptions, but in this piece I think the abundance of physical description helped establish the almost obsessive love Richard had for Jenny. It worked.
I thought the best example of characterization of Richard and his immediate feelings in this scene was: I dwelled on memories of how her skin felt, the swells of her breasts as she arched her back, the sound of her voice as she whispered my name, the scent of her perfume surrounding me and the gleam of the lamp light reflected in her eyes turning them into pools, through which I could see her soul.
 As the POV, Richard's feelings are exposed throughout the piece. At the end of the story, I felt a little short-changed after the extensive explanation of his love for Jenny and then no insight of the raw emotional wall he must have hit when he saw the newspaper article. I will never forget that front page, no matter how hard I try. I would have liked to hear more.
 Plot/Conflict/Pace: 3.5 's
The opening paragraph was an interesting choice. I see how "testing the boundries of what life can give you" relates to the plot line. It is obscure in its meaning, yet very telling at the same time. It made me think. Nice job.
The tone of this piece was very poetic. You used some rich imagery and spent a lot of time describing the weather and the season. Like poetry, there seemed to be a departure from steadfast grammatic sentence structure in favor of sentence fragments. Although the effect certainly mirrored the tone of the story, the trade-off is always the risk of distracting the reader with choppy flow.
The plot presented a couple of questions that I found went unanswered:
 My blood thundered around my body; full of hate and shame. That’s when I asked
it. A question I didn’t know was on my lips. A question I didn’t know I had been waiting to ask.
How long has he been hitting you? -- I would have liked some explanation why Richard suspected the boyfriend was hitting Jenny. He learned about the boyfriend's existence the afternoon before. Although he drove a beat-up car, Jenny seemed happy with him when she got in the car. What made Richard think, in the time between the afternoon and the break in his morning classes the next day, that the boyfriend was hitting Jenny?
...she gently tugged at the scarf round her neck exposing more bruises. These were small and almost perfectly round. I knew how these had got there. -- I wondered, How DID they get there? Perhaps what you alluded to would be obvious to many readers, but it is risky to assume all the readers will understand such an enigmatic statement. I think if Richard had asked Jenny exactly how she got the marks the tension in the story would have mounted even more.
I would have been amazed that I’d never seen her before, but for the fact that we had attended schools eight miles apart. -- I was not sure what this sentence meant. Where their high schools eight miles apart? "I would have been amazed that I had never seen her before" is an awkwardly constructed sentence that I suggest revising.
 Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling: 2.5 's
Grammar
As I pushed open the double doors leading outside, it was overcast. -- I know what you are saying here, but the sentence construction is awkward. The subordinate clause introducing the independent clause does not modify it at all. I suggest a rewrite along these lines: I pushed open the double doors and walked out under an overcast sky.
Swallowing my pride I asked her who that guy was yesterday. I guess if I’m honest, I knew. -- There is a shift in verb tense here: I guess if I was honest, I knew.
Punctuation
There were many incorrect uses of semi-colons. Only use a semi-colon when you are connecting two independent clauses in the same sentence without a conjunctive like and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet. Here are a couple of examples to illustrate:
I hurried outside, in hopes of finding her huddled under one of the beech trees; with a group of friends I wouldn’t know. -- "with a group of friends I wouldn't know" is not a complete sentence, so no semi-colon should be used here: I hurried outside in hopes of finding her huddled under one of the beech trees with a group of friends I wouldn’t know.
I spent the next day, with an aching almost burning need to see her; to have her tell me that her words had meant something. -- "to have her tell me..." is not complete, so no semi-colon is necessary: I spent the next day with an aching, almost burning need to see her, to have her tell me that her words had meant something.
My unease deepened, but I rationalised to myself, she could be sick. -- Here, "she could be sick" is a complete sentence by itself, so a semi-colon IS necessary to separate it from the independent clause it is connected to: My unease deepened, but I rationalised to myself; she could be sick.
There are many cases where a comma is used in a sentence where it is not needed. Three such examples are:
My heart felt leaden, to have her say something like, that then to watch her go with someone else. -- Suggestion: My heart felt leaden to have her say something like that, then watch her go with someone else.
The dirty red Ford pulled away, clouds of dust and God-knows-what-else, billowing from the exhaust. -- No comma after 'God-knows-what-else'.
She returned my smile, in that half-assed way of hers. -- No comma after 'smile'.
There are many places where a comma was needed but omitted. Here are a few examples:
From the gentle warm breezes to the changing colours... -- Comma between gentle and warm.
When I finally gathered the courage to ask the questions that had been on my mind all day we had five minutes until the next class; more by luck than any planning on my part. -- Corrected: When I finally gathered the courage to ask the questions that had been on my mind all day, we had five minutes until the next class, more by luck than any planning on my part.
Swallowing my pride I asked her who that guy was yesterday. -- Comma after 'pride'.
He was her boyfriend, his name was Simon Michaels; she had met him during her last year of school, they had been friends first and then he had asked her out. -- Suggestion for correction: He was her boyfriend. His name was Simon Michaels; she had met him during her last year of school. They had been friends first and then he had asked her out.
Spelling
During all of September and October my feelings for her had grown and changed, from a simple crush to an almost over powering longing. -- Corrected: During all of September and October, my feelings for her had grown and changed from a simple crush to an almost overpowering longing.
 First Impression Wow Factor: 3 ’s
I thought the story moved slowly through the plot until delivering a dramatic and unexpected punch at the very end. I would have liked more deliberate storytelling, including some foreshadowing and greater depth into Richard's "intuition" regarding Jenny's situation. The premise is excellent, and I would have enjoyed a stronger execution.
 My Overall Rating:
I enjoyed your creative story! I have already read through all the entries once, and am in the process of rereading each story and writing its review. I will make a decision no later than September 23 (probably sooner ) and post the winners in the contest forum. I will email the winners individually and award their prizes just prior to posting the results. Best of luck to you!
 Nicki
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Please keep in mind these are only suggestions coming from a non-poet who knows you may choose not to change a word 
Initial Reaction: I enjoyed the sensual feel of this piece. You did a great job setting the tone, and maintaining a pleasant tension.
What I liked:
Suggestions:
Grammar/Spelling Oops:
Nicki
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