In appreciation of your generous participation in "Invalid Item" , I have selected two of your portfolio items to review. This one is for Let's Take A Hike:
Initial Reaction: Congratulations on this article's acceptance into publication!! Woo-hoo!!! I enjoyed the entire piece, from its presentation to its light-hearted, easy-going commentary. BTW, I live in Jefferson, GA and my husband, two kids and I hike regularly in Amicalola Falls State Park and Tallulah Gorge State Park. It's so beautiful there! I am going to look into the The Canyon Climbers Club ~ thanks for the tip!!!
What I liked: There was a strong argument presented for the many benefits of hiking. The information you present concerning area hiking options and the list of essentials for the day hiker is thorough and easy to understand.
I particularly like the last paragraph, that wraps up the article with a powerfully written conclusion. Great job!!
Suggestions: I assume the magazine editors will be involved with the finalization of this article, but for the post here at WDC, I offer these humble suggestions:
This sentence uses the word 'gotten', and I wonder if a stronger verb could be employed: Also, hiking gives you a wonderful one with nature peace of mind kind of feel not gotten from the treadmill. Perhaps 'gleaned', or perceived, or observed...?
In this sentence: Hiking is what you make it--fun, leisure/social, challenge, a way to relieve tension, or all of these. -- I would treat the list of suggested terms like they replaced the phrase 'what you make it' in the sentence; in other words, 'Hiking is __________.' (It is) fun, a leisure/social activity, challenging, a way to relieve tension...
I suggest adding 'person' on to the end of this sentence: But, as a safety precaution, always hike with at least one other person.
The word 'into' is unnecessary in this sentence: For the avid hiker who plans on entering into remote areas, rent a satellite phone.
Again, I'm sure the editors will comb through this piece for typos and punctuation oops, but there are a couple capitalization boo-boos
why not hit the trails. Cap on 'why' and (?)
... from the ‘Yeah, it's okay' list to the ‘I Love This' list. Caps for 'it's' and 'okay', making the names of the lists uniform.
...tone leg muscles; If done in twenty-minute... No cap after '...; If'.
I will look for your article in Recreation and Parks in Georgia Magazine. Kudos for having it published!!! Thanks for sharing!
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Nicki
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