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3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
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Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
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Short Stories and better at Poetry
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451
451
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi bob county

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Questions for 9/11"  on behalf of the "The Talent Pond" .

*Jackolantern* First Impression/Thoughts:
You learn something new everyday *Smile* I hadn't really heard about Building 7 before ... of course, I worked in and live in the area of the Pentagon so naturally, my attention was closer to home.

*Pumpkin* Creativity/Impact:
I liked this and found it kind of a fun read. Conspiracy theories abound after every disaster and it's nice to bring them out into the light of day so they can be looked at. Good job.

*Jackolantern* Plot/Content:
This was "an essay" on the lingering questions from 9/11 addressing the missing "billion dollars in gold" and the collapse of Building 7 within the Trade Tower Complex.

You mention the "Die Hard" movie where gold is stolen and moved via dump trucks and the James Bond "Goldfinger" alternative but never give any credence to either. As you point out, where's the money? Had it been stolen (or recovered and removed) there would be a money trail and one has never shown up. Here we have a logical fallacy. There is no reputable source for the "billion dollar" number - in fact, there's pretty convincing evidence that the real number was closer to three hundred, fifty million - and that was what was recovered.

The collapse of Building 7 is another matter and it seems that a satisfactory answer has never been forthcoming. That said, you offer no explanation or accounting for it so it makes it difficult to say it's really been addressed.

*Pumpkin* Technique/Technical Notes:
An essay is generally a short piece of writing written from an author's personal point of view. Essays can consist of a number of elements, including: literary criticism, political manifestos, learned arguments, observations of daily life, recollections, and reflections of the author. Within this broad definition, I think you achieved your goal of capturing some of the lingering doubts about what happened that tragic day. Your writing is clear and well done, free of any misspellings or grammatical errors. I think you could have organized this better. I must admit that your ending came as almost a non sequitur asking about Flight 93 and specifics of Building 7 that had not been addressed anywhere in the write.

*Note3* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* A very interesting read. I learned something new and it inspired me to read more about Building 7. I think that, by its self, makes this a successful write *Smile*. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
452
452
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Booksaregreat

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Humourous Limericks"  on behalf of the "The Talent Pond" . I see you've only been here a few days. On behalf of the community, welcome to WDC. I hope you find whatever you were looking for and stay with us a while. I think you'll find we're a welcoming and encouraging group.

*Jackolantern* First Impression/Thoughts:
I see you're into Limericks ... at least that's all I see posted *Laugh*. Good for you. A day without laughter is a day wasted!

*Pumpkin* Creativity/Impact:
I thought both were clever and enjoyable - but there's room for improvement.

*Jackolantern* Plot/Content:
This was a double offering so I'll take each, in turn.

Limerick one was "local." I'm sure in Wales it would have more impact than to the average reader here. Without the understanding of the historical nature of this - the influx of the Norse and other's - it wouldn't have the same impact. It is my limited understanding that the Welch are a very independent group with their own culture and barely acknowledge their kinship with the Brits *Laugh*.

Limerick two was more classic in tone. What it was missing was the edginess of the traditional Limerick. By definition, the limerick is often times obscene with humorous intent. One of my favorites (author unknown) describes limericks thusly:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

*Pumpkin* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). That said, the limerick is more than just a five-line poem. There really are rules and forms which weren't apparent in two you wrote. The standard form of a limerick is a stanza of five lines, with the first, second and fifth rhyming with one another and having three feet of three syllables each; and the shorter third and fourth lines also rhyming with each other, but having only two feet of three syllables. Sounds complicate? Not really! I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. There's a great discussion about limericks that can be found at Shadow Poetry  .

*Note3* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star* An enjoyable and fun read. Your enthusiasm for this form comes through clearly and I found myself smiling at the word play. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
453
453
Review of "Gasp!"  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lesley Scott

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work ""Gasp!""  on behalf of the "The Talent Pond" . This popped up on Random Reviews and while I see you wrote this a while ago, I couldn't pass up the subject!

*Jackolantern* First Impression/Thoughts:
I am such a sucker for animal stories and this was a wonderful one. *Smile* I'm jealous of your job *Laugh*

*Pumpkin* Creativity/Impact:
More than a "story," this was a non-fiction tale about your life, your passing friendship with "Ernest," and your continuing friendship with Gwen. I found it totally interesting and creative.

*Jackolantern* Plot/Content:
This was a vignette - a small slice of life - about "a day in the life." While the center of the story revolves around the capture of "Ernest," a good sized alligator, it also gave us great insight into you and your philosophy about animal control. You obviously love animals and seek to minimize their harm when our encroachment on their habitat drives them into ... being themselves (LOL). You wrote this entirely in narrative, telling us the story. I think you could have added some dialogue which would have brought us (the readers) more into the story so we could have experienced parts of this. It felt, also, as though you lost a bit of focus on your story. I really was "a day in the life." I think you could have helped us understand what happened to Ernest - did he survive? How do you "relocate" a five-foot gator? *Smile*.

*Pumpkin* Technique/Technical Notes:
I think you did a great job and I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors. I am always pleased when I read an author's work and I see they pay as much attention to crafting the story as they do to developing the story.

*Note3* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* A very enjoyable and informative read. Your enthusiasm for animals comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as Ernest came visiting and Gwen took exception! *Laugh* Thank you for sharing your imagination, your life, and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
454
454
Review of Strays  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Mara ♣ McBain

It's just me, Ken, *Smile*. It's been a while since I've read your work and now I'm wondering "why"? You have such a talent. That said, you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Strays"  on behalf of the "The Talent Pond" .

*Jackolantern* First Impression/Thoughts:
Your purpose was to create a character - and Jared is in good hands with your writing skills.

*Pumpkin* Creativity/Impact:
I really think you created a complex, wholly formed character in Jared using an excellent balance of dialogue and narrative. You bring the reader into the story and the mind of Jared and we get to know who he is as a person. Excellent writing.

*Jackolantern* Plot/Content:
More than just a story, your goal was to create a fictional character. We enter the story with the arrival of Jared's minor sister. It's implied that he hasn't been close to her in a while and has assumed guardianship. This creates a tension and really gives us the opportunity to understand who Jared is. Through his talking and reflections, you begin to build, layer on layer, the character of Jared. (A reverse onion, *Bigsmile*) This was more of a vignette than a story since you leave the ending open. A few things struck me as I read this. You did an awesome job of creating Jared psychologically. I left understanding what motivated him. I think what was missing for me was a physical description (beyond green eyes.) If you're like me, when I write I create a scenario in my mind and that's what I record on the page. I sometimes forget that the reader doesn't have access to that image. We learn that his father and he hadn't been in contact for a while due to "feelings got hurt and neither of us was willing to say we were wrong." I think there was an opportunity there to add a bit for a deeper understanding of the character beyond they were both stubborn *Smile*. Perhaps the biggest item of information that I wanted to know was the hint that Jared's younger brother had somehow died. You spent some time indicating that Jared had been his protector so this would have been a major influence on him but you never really address it.

*Pumpkin* Technique/Technical Notes:
I am always pleased when I read an author's work and I see they pay as much attention to crafting the story as they do to developing the story. This was a clean, perfectly written story. Excellent work!

*Note3* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* This was, for me, a very enjoyable and enlightening read. I really like your character and I learned a lot about the subtleties of developing a complex character. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
455
455
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Joy

My name is Ken (Okay, you probably knew that *Smile* and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Wild Turkeys - a haibun"  on behalf of the "The Talent Pond" .

*Jackolantern* First Impression/Thoughts:
This was written ten years ago and, to me, sounds as fresh as this morning. I guess the adage "the more things change, the more they remain the same" is accurate, after all. Isn't that a pity.

*Pumpkin* Creativity/Impact:
I'm a fan of Asian forms but I had never heard of a "haibun" before reading this. It's a beautiful form and really allows you to tell a complete story. I read the narrative and then, I could almost hear you saying ... "and this is what it means" with the haiku.

*Jackolantern* Plot/Content:
This is a story of discovery. New neighbors arrive and you begin to understand their lives in a new context. The woman of the house, Eeya, slowly tells her story and you discover that she is the victim of abuse by her husband. Trying to help, you find that those with authority turn a blind eye when it's "domestic." This story, a metaphor for the national pandemic of spousal abuse, is written in such gentle language that it almost lulls you. Each narrative line is poetic with subtle internal rhymes and then recast with shaded meanings in a haiku. A beautiful, yet chilling, read. You left the ending openly vague ... and I thought that made it all the more poignant. I thought the seasonal reference of the Turkey's was a brilliant bit of inspiration since that's an integral part of many Asian forms.

*Pumpkin* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). Quite the contrary. You showed as much attention to the craft of writing as you did to the art that's contained within your words. Excellent.

*Note3* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* A very enjoyable and - yes, informative, read. I almost feel guilty reading this, understanding it's meaning, and still getting such so much pleasure from it. *Smile* Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
456
456
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Shannen Wrass

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Perfect Friend ©"  on behalf of the "The Talent Pond" .

You are squeaky new here, aren't you *Smile*. Welcome to WDC! I hope you find whatever led you here. This can be a confusing place at first glance but you'll find we're a very encouraging and helpful group. Please, don't be afraid to ask questions if you need help.

*Jackolantern* First Impression/Thoughts:
You were a bit precocious at 14, weren't you *Laugh* This is really a very insightful write. Let's see (counts fingers *Smile*) - that would make you 23 now. I do hope you post more - I'd love to see where your insights led you.

*Pumpkin* Creativity/Impact:
I think these sudden flashes of self-realization are one of the bedrocks of poetry. I found this very entertaining and thought your creativity in coming up with this was laudable.

*Jackolantern* Plot/Content:
This was a "self awareness" right, about discovering that your best friend was all around - it was you. There's a basic truth in that and you discovered it an age when most require a lot of outside validation through good grades, popularity, or "going with the crowd" even when it's not their own best interest. I particularly was struck by the lines "She knew my every weakness / And the problems I’ve been dealt / She understood my wonders / And listened to my dreams." If there is one failure most adults have, it's not taking the time to listen to dreams - their own and others.

*Pumpkin* Technique/Technical Notes:
Let's talk a bit about how you told this realization. On the positive side, I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). You've written this as a single verse using some of the older techniques of poetry (capitalizing every line, no punctuation). Believe it or not, it's acceptable to "direct" the reader on where to pause (comma), where to stop (period), and even when two thoughts are connected (semi-colon). *Smile* The flow of a poem is regulated by meter (think syllables or beats per line). In this poem, your meter varies wildly from 6 to 11. This makes the reading of it awkward. Most readers will try and find a tempo that allows the poem to carry them along and uneven meter will prevent that.

I personally finally understood the importance of meter by writing structured (form) poetry such as Villanelles and Kyrielles which require specific meters and rhyme schemes. (If you're interested, see www.ShadowPoetry.com for a variety of forms). I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best for you will become apparent quickly.

*Note3* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* This was a very enjoyable and insightful read. Your self awareness and natural intelligence comes through clearly and I found myself smiling, wishing I'd been that smart at your age *Smile*. The poem itself was excellent, displaying a real talent. I look forward to reading more of you "in your old age." LOL Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
457
457
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SWPoet

My name is Ken (I do believe you know that *Smile*) and I this popped up in Random Reviews. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Child's Front Pockets"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Wow - 2008. This must bring back some memories *Laugh* I hope, good ones. I know, now and then, one of my oldies will pop up and it's always a pleasant surprise to me.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I'm an acrostic fan so you had me at Child's Front Pocket. I love that you rhymed the first verse and do wish you'd continued it but - trust me - I know how hard it is so you're forgiven *Smile* and I did note the final verse was mostly rhyme.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Acrostics are (generally) simplicity. Child's Front Pocket is full of the things you'd find (although, with such a long acrostic, the kid's pants were probably falling down *Laugh*) I love that you relate the items to things he'll need as he grows. "Pencil to write his poems and his songs." He's probably on site as we speak. If I had to pick a favorite though, it would be "Eraser to get rid of mistakes that will come." Too many hold onto the past.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
This was an Acrostic and you did the form proud. Now that I look at it again, this was almost Dorsimbra-like in the rhyming form you chose. Excellent technique and great form.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* A very enjoyable read. Your imagination is clearly seen here, both in the words and your poetic sensibilities. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
458
458
Review of Sunset in D Minor  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi The Low Road

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Sunset in D Minor"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . Let add my welcome to you. I hope that whatever you were seeking when you came here, you've found.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
A beautifully told story, full of emotion. Very touching.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I found the tale totally engrossing and applaud you for taking a simple walk and turning it into a life story.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This was a poignant vignette about a simple evening walk. You've taken this common place event and turned it into an emotionally filling story of how life can change and what it can do the human spirit. Your descriptions are beautiful and paint a complete picture in the reader's mind of the setting and the feelings that our protagonist has. There's real talent displayed in this tale. On the down side *Bigsmile* you've told us a story and never really let us into it. There was room for dialogue which is an action and shows rather than tells the story, allowing the reader more intimacy with the character. I think you need to work a bit on finding a balance with showing and telling. If you're like me, I "see" my stories as I write them and when I first started, I told the readers what I saw. It took a bit of practice but I now find myself "transcribing" what occurs rather than reporting it. It allows greater access by the readers.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
There were a only a few SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar).
P1: You started with "My favourite part of the day is my walk with my Max, my dog." Be aware of repetitive words. My, my, my *Laugh* It makes reading awkward. Then you wrote "building to it's finale .." It should be "its" - not a contraction.
P2: Your last sentence was "There are other flower smells too, they are fleeting, kind faced, strangers, smiling at me as I pass by." This was really two separate sentences. Add a period after "too." I notice that you tend to do that - stringing thoughts together - which is fine, just don't forget the basics of sentence structure *Smile*

I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* A very enjoyable and well written read. Your talent for story telling comes through clearly. You have a real knack for descriptions (have you thought of poetry? *Smile*).. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
459
459
Review of Cold Coffee  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Tim Buckley

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Cold Coffee"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I happen to be one of the few who actually loves vignettes *Smile*. Not every story has to be full of adventure or mystery or little green men *Laugh*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought this very well done - a small daily happening makes for a fun read and opens possibilities. Well done.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
OK - let me start off by telling you a pet peeve. No names? Really? While I understand that in the real world, I can go through a whole day and probably not mention my wife's "christian name" - in a story it keeps the reader distanced. We start with the male getting up and his wife, female, suggesting that he play hooky from work. The male (see how cold that sounds *Bigsmile*) decides to do just that. They spend the morning indulging in each other and our story ends with them getting ready to just take the day as it comes. As I said, I like the story but there's an old adage in writing: Show, Don't Tell. You've written 95% of this in narrative and used dialogue rarely. The last sentence is a perfect example: You have the wife asking about coffee (dialogue) but then write, "And I called back to her that I did." Why not just say "I'd love some." Call and response - action. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice many SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). I'm going to assume that you wrote this another program and cut/pasted it here. You have a large number of spaces between paragraphs which isn't required. Too much white space makes it feel unconnected and, it detracts from the visual appeal and readability. The one minor SPAG is was in the next to last paragraph - "Nightime" isn't a proper noun so you don't need it capitalized. How's that for nit picky? *Laugh* Excellent form and technique. Well done.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* A very enjoyable and relaxing read. Your talent shines clearly and I found myself smiling wishing I could have a day off like this *Laugh*. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
460
460
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi nicky Ive

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Where the moon rest - Goodbye"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I get the impression that this is part of a bigger story. I like the idea of changelings and this was interesting but a bit confusing.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Your character, Storm, is very inventive. I really like her. Unfortunately, I'm not sure who she is. There's part of the story missing.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
The scene opens with Storm at the grave of a friend who was just buried. Your descriptions are very well done. We then proceed to her leaving and this is where it gets confusing - it seems as though Storm is a changeling with a wolf spirit inside? You never make it clear who Storm is or what her relationship with Hannah was. In paragraph 3 you write "She felt Storm's pain and the dead feeling made her nervous." This makes it seem as though she shares a body with Storm. There's also a conflict between pain and dead feeling. They're not the same. As I said, this feels like a chapter rather than a stand alone story.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I noticed quite a few SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). Here's a few of the more noticeable ones:

P1: "Water rolled down Storm's back as the rain drenced [misspelled drenched] her." Her hair was plastered to her skin looking black in color. [misplaced modifier – her hair was black, not her skin]

P2: "Storm were [verb issue - was] oblivious to it."

P4: "The cemetary [misspelled cemetery] was close ..."

Overall, this needs a good proof reading. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star* I think your character and the story that was here was very enjoyable. Your talent comes through clearly but you need to pay attention to writing skills. Nothing kills a story faster than common errors. Consider using a word program that has a good spell check and that will eliminate 99% of the most common errors. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
461
461
Review of He Will Tell You  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi R.L.Crow

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "He Will Tell You"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
From dark to darker to darkness. I do hope this is a portrayal and not reality in your life.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Is there anything that hasn't been written about? *Laugh* Still, I found this a fresh take of the "devil's wisdom" which, depending on the reader, can be anything from literal to depression.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This was a warning poem about how the "devil" - however you take that - can overcome the positive in your life and make you believe that you're unwanted, unloved, and unworthy of life itself. This has many possible meanings and it will be up to the reader to find their own way through your dark words. That's the beauty of poetry - it's never done until it's read and the reader adds his or her interpretation to it.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any major SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). I did see a few minor (and easily corrected) items:
V2L3 - "Tells you about ..."
V3 - You shift tenses. Before, "he tells ..." In verse 3, "he will tell ..."
V4L3 - "Tells you about ..."
V5 - You shift tenses. Before, "he tells ..." In verse 5, "he will tell ..."

I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* A very interesting read. I like that you left a lot open to interpretation - it allows readers to personalize your words for their own lives. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
462
462
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Isola Bertolucci

It's just me, Ken. *Smile* I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "To My Emily, With Love"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Izzie - this is a wonderful story that you shared and I'm sure many will relate it to their own children. (Not all *Laugh* - some of us had Satan's kids just teasing you a bit!)

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
To be honest, it's not a new subject but I think you've added a lot of what touched "Izzie" to this. That alone makes it unique.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is a tribute/praise/thankful poem about the birth of your premie daughter. From her too early beginnings to her growing and becoming the "shining star" you find a miracle in each step and another reason to be thankful. This is a wonderful tribute to both her and her mom *Smile*. I think you summed it up best when you said "It's all that I've dreamed of." You indicated that this was something written a while ago. Consider adding to it and you'll have a wonderful record of her growing up that she'll treasure someday.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). The poem itself is well crafted with a smooth, even meter and perfect rhymes. The true test is when it's read aloud and this was just exceptional. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* A very enjoyable and joyful read. Your love for your daughter comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I recalled my own children's growing and discovering. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
463
463
Review of split into three  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi six feet under

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "split into three"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Actually, I found this emotionally mature for one of your relative youth *Smile* That's not to say age necessarily relates to maturity but certainly contemplating one's self as a triumvirate is probably not the norm.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I found this a creative approach to self (and others) understanding. It certainly reflects you and your feelings and that alone makes it unique.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I think you had a very specific focus when writing this. From what I read, it was love and the search for love. I really didn't get a lot about the three parts of "people." *Smile* You tended to meander a bit as you took us through the heart, the physical self, and the soul so I think you could focus your message a bit make it clear what you want others to walk away with when they're done reading this.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I found this borderline prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. Each line read like a sentence. That's natural language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Yes, spelling and grammar count *Bigsmile* Just a few examples:
V1L2 "I don't. although , I use to." should be "I don't [comma]..."
V2L1 "See, you heart you .." should be "See, [your]...
V2L3 "I has always and will always be there." should be "I [have] ..."

If you write in a program like MS Word, these kind of simple errors will be caught. I'd also recommend using a font called Verdana. It's closest to the default font on the site and transfers the best.

I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star* A very interesting read. You've obviously spent some time thinking about this and you found a need to express it. That, my friend, is a big step and one I encourage you to continue taking. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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464
464
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi tonibarri

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The gardener`s prayer."  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Very cute. It's nice to know not every poem is about broken hearts - here, at least we have spades *Bigsmile* No groaning at the judges, please!

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was very clever. It's not the first I've read about gardening but I love the playfulness of this.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
A garden prayer that stresses the appreciation for what goes well but questions the need for the critters that love to come along and enjoy the fruits of our labor. I thought you closing stanza was perfect, not to mention the culmination of your poetic humor. Very well done.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). Your rhymes (for the most part) are perfect which really support the flow. There are some meter issues (think syllables in each line) but they don't detract from the enjoyment. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best for you will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* A very enjoyable and humorous read. Your sense of humor comes through clearly and I found myself smiling all throughout. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
465
465
Review of Hope Fades  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi SylphLuna

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Hope Fades"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Such longing is the muse of poets.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
To be honest, this is not a new subject but I think you've added a lot of what important to you, emotionally, to this. That alone makes it unique.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This was written as a lament of the lonely, to those who have loved but watched it fade with time. Your open, nurturing that small part of you that still has hope. You progress to what that hopes means. You end with the embers fading, questioning if the warmth you felt ever really existed at all.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). Free verse (or verse libre as the sophisticates call it LOL) retains the elements of poetry without the rhyme. You've done a good job using versification and form to keep this flowing and finding common ground with traditional poetry. Something to think about - with free verse, the poem structure itself is part of the poetry. Each line (or line break) should be there for a reason. I did find it odd that you didn't use any punctuation - except after "Hope fades." I doubt that was deliberate *Smile*. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* A depressing read - which is good *Laugh* The emotional content comes through clearly and I found myself responding to the feelings you were describing. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
466
466
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Tom

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Girl from the Train"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Excellent variation of the classic "Lady or The Tiger" tale. Kept me reading non-stop *Smile*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought the plot was very creative. I'm a fan of the supernatural (which, technically this is) and I love conundrums.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
A man on a train is provided two scenario's and told one will happen and one won't. He is forced to chose which one to intervene in, thereby stopping a tragedy. This begins an adventure as he tries to locate and prevent the apparent perpetrator from committing an act of terror only to find out that he chose wrong. Arriving home, the mysterious girl from the train reappears with another set of choices. Very engrossing and entertaining.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). It would appear that you've done some writing before joining WDC as this was well structured and a near perfect write. I did notice that your opening paragraphs started with quotation marks but never had any unquotation marks. If all three paragraphs were part of the same conversation, only an opening quote at the beginning and closing quote at the end are required.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* A very enjoyable and mysterious read. Your enthusiasm for your subject comes through clearly and I found myself anticipating what would happen next. Excellent tale. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
467
467
Review of A Time for Tye  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Theresa

My name is Ken and I'm helping judge "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Time for Tye"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I am such a sucker for animal stories and this was a wonderful one *Smile* Both my dogs chose me *Bigsmile*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
To be honest, it's not a new subject but I think you've added a lot of what important to "Theresa" to this. That alone makes it unique.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This was a "coming of age" tale about a young man, Jacob, who wants a puppy and his road to not only achieving his goal but his education about animals along the way. I like that you added facts about how breeders over breed animals and keep them in deplorable conditions and the state of
animal abandonment in this country. I thought the ending was just a bit "too sweet" with a perfect ending. It breaks my heart to say it but that was probably the biggest "fiction" in the tale. Still, I think this is a great story for youth/children and introduces them to understanding responsibility for animals under their care. Just as a thought (perhaps for a future write) you might have given more emphasis on how Jacob learned to take care of his pet - showing walking, feeding, bathing.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). I'm going to assume that you wrote this another program and cut/pasted it here. You have a large number of spaces between "chapters" which isn't required. Too much white space makes it feel unconnected. I also noted that you indented each paragraph. There's nothing wrong with that but it makes shorter paragraphs appear like you indented who sections of the story. Again, it detracts from the visual appeal and readability. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* A very enjoyable and informative read. Your enthusiasm for animals comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as Jacob learned about animals. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
468
468
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Jatog the Green

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Courteous Sleepwalker"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
*Laugh* OK, I'm a sucker for puns - the worse the better and this was definitely a "groaner." Well done.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I must admit that after perusing the word list, it made me scratch my head a bit. What a strange collection but you did well integrating them into this farcical poem about a sleep walker. Very creative.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
You've given us a humorous look at a sleep walker trying to find an answer to his problem. Some of the lines were a bit of a stretch (someone suggested alcohol -- that was good old Otis) but this is humor, not a serious emotional poem, so it actually played well. I appreciate how you worked "sledge hammer" into this but I think you missed the tie in in the previous verse. I'm assuming it was an anchor to hold him back rather than to help with his knitting *Laugh*.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
There were no errors (other than logical LOL) to speak of. I noticed a note at the bottom [SR: 8-7-8-6] which I'm guessing is your rhyme pattern? If so, the meter was varied by verse and this did make for a rough read for those who try and pick up on patterns in rhyming poetry. It wasn't terrible but it did make the reading more prose like

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An enjoyable and funny read. Your sense of the absurd comes through clearly and I found myself smiling throughout. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
469
469
Review of Withering  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Iva Lilly Durham

This "oldie but goodie" popped up on Random Reviews and, being a poetry lover, I had to give it a read. My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Withering"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I see you wrote this many years ago - but I'm guessing since it's still in your port, it has a special meaning to you. For me, I heard what you were saying and found it both poignant and persuasive all these years later.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
This was imaginative in that you used the withered tree as a metaphor for how you saw (see? *Smile*) your life as you age.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I think the use of the tree metaphor was a good choice. I certainly could see the parallels. I think, in this case, you strayed a bit once you started trying to tie it back into the occurrences in your own life. The lines in verse eight "The winds threaten to sweep me away. / He's not here to trim the branches" just confused me. They didn't seem to relate to each other. I know when I write, I have an image or emotion in my mind and sometimes I can see clearly what I meant - but other's, without access to my mind, only have my written words and can't make the same connection. I think that may be what happened here.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't find any technical errors. This was a clean write and that makes it a total joy to read.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An insightful and enjoyable read. Your emotions comes through clearly and I found myself reflecting on my own life and the aging process. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
470
470
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jim *Bigsmile*

Well, my friend, you've done it again. I am always amazed at how creative one man can be. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Love Lost...and Found"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I see we both went with "commercial" solutions to meet our writing needs today *Laugh* I did iPad, you did MasterCard.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
You're so darn imaginative with your writes! I'm always amazed at how you come up with these scenarios seemingly without breaking stride while I struggle *Laugh*. Just don't stop!

*Starb* Plot/Content:
An infected AI, a looming battle, and a "quick fix". How do these disparate pieces fit together? Ask Jim *Laugh* This was a really clever story and you managed to stitch it together so no one would ever see the pieces - only the whole cloth. Brilliant, as usual. Great use of dialogue to carry the action. You always manage to "show" not "tell." I do have one comment: "Yeeehaaa?" I was afraid for a minute that you had switched to "Marlboro Country" LOL

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
As always, not a comma out of place. I think that's part of the reason I so enjoy your stories - the plot is all I have to focus on.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* An thoroughly enjoyable read. Your creativity always shines and this was no exception. I found myself smiling the entire read, knowing that you'd come up with a clever ending. You didn't disappoint. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
471
471
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Isola Bertolucci

My name is Ken. Thank you for inviting me to review this, your first attempt at a Lai. (I just did my first too *Bigsmile*) It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "'Til Death Do Us Part"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . I see, although you've posted a few writes, that you're relatively new here. Welcome to WDC! We're glad you joined us. I hope you rekindle that young girl's passion you spoke of ... in words, of course. *Laugh*

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I see you're from Hermann - were you dipping in the wine just a bit? *Laugh* I'm just teasing you! I was there in May! A really nice first go at a tough little form.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was a creative way to tackle the whole business of matrimonial development. *Smile*

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Assuming I'm not reading too much into this (and, I'll warn you - no poem is ever complete until it is read. Each reader will add or change layers of meaning according to their understanding. I'm always amazed at what others see in my poems LOL) you've taken us from friendship, to passion, to marriage in this Lai. Verse 1 lays out the starting point - we're friends until more is desired (desire being the operative word *Bigsmile*) and you present that to us as a "capture." Verse 2 is the passionate phase but eventually wears down and you present that as a time of "rapture." Verse 3 is the marriage phase and you don't seem keen on that, presenting it as an anvil upon which the relationship "fractures." I'll not argue over your generalization of the process *Smile* but allow me to make one observation. When working with such a tight form (36 syllables) don't forget the importance of the "Title." This is the first thing people will read and it sets the expectations for what follows. When I read "Til Death Do Us Part" I wasn't expecting the poem I read, rather I saw this as a more positive take on matrimony. Just something to think about.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You used the form very well. There should be NO spaces between lines as the Lai is a 9 line (per verse) poem. There's nothing wrong with using the 2 syllable lines as "summations" which you did here but there are other forms which require that technique. This one doesn't.

Punctuation can be your friend *Smile* but I think you misused it here, punctuating each "verse" the same. The comma at the end of the 1,4,and 7 lines is not need - in fact, it interferes with the poem, especially in the final "verse." See the difference:

As written: Partners of free will (pause) 'till death an anvil (pause) Fracture.
Rather than: Partners of free will 'till death (pause) an anvil (pause) Fracture.

Additionally, the shortened version of until is 'til or till - not 'till *Smile*

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I found this a very interesting take on marriage. I think, with some corrections, this will be a good introduction to form poetry for you. I currently have around 75 different forms I've written to so feel free to drop by my port if you're interested in pursuing forms. To me, your talent is apparent but you need to continue to read, review, and continue to write to pick up some of the skills you'll need to take you to the next level. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS - I've included all the GPs you sent - except 13 LOL It is the site's 13th birthday, after all!
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
472
472
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Jim, you old dog ... err, I meant, how nice to see you back in the action *Laugh*

It's just me and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Interstellar Hookup"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . Sorry for the formality - Just trying to help out my group with a few reviews (LOL)

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Great story, full of pathos and your wonderful sense of humor. *Laugh*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
It's almost redundant to say Hyperiongate and Creative. As always, you never fail to amaze.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
What a wonderfully creative choice for today's prompt! I was thinking of entering but after this, no way! This is a winner for sure. I love the set up and the character of Edmund really should have a continuing story line. What is it about A.I.'s that we find so fascinating? I guess it's their unbiased look at the world. Of course, your Edmund has slid more toward the "soft bags of meat" emotionally but he's totally forgiven.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
As always, perfectly written. Great use of the prompt. Each word carefully chosen to impart the maximum story.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* An thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS Of course I'm returning your GPs. *Bigsmile* I should be paying you for the fun in this story.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
473
473
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Julie *Smile*

It's just me, Ken. I saw your name pop up in the Newsfeed saying that you had finally found some time to write/update this item. How could I pass that up? *Laugh* It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A CONVERSATION WITH GOD"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I think this is more memoir than even you'd like to admit *Smile*. It certainly is a positive message that will bring hope to anyone who reads it.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Truth is not only rare, I think it's creative to find someone who willing to share it. It takes trust and faith and I hope you won't be disappointed.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is a poem about talking with God and his affirmative answers. The say prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening to his answers. Whether or not you meditated, I believe you did get an answer in the renewal of faith you found. Beautifully said, my friend.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Hmmm. I think this was not only inspired but you showed careful craftsmanship in writing this. The rhymes are perfect, the meter smooth when read and spoken out loud. This is as close to a perfect write as I've come across here. Excellent job!

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* Not just enjoyable but an uplifting read. Your faith in spite of life's difficulty comes through clearly and I found myself admiring you for more than just the kindness and generosity of spirit that I've come to know you for. Thank you for sharing your message and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
474
474
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Nicky ...

My name is Ken. Thank you for inviting me to review this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Where the moon rest: In the ring"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . I see you've only been here a short time. Welcome to WDC. *Smile* I hope you're enjoying your time here and hope that you've found growth in whatever directions that led you here. I think you'll discover that we're a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
This was a "chapter" in an ongoing saga so I looked at it as just that. Still, it has to stand on its own. The reader shouldn't have to page back to understand what's going on and who the characters are.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I liked the story line as far as it went. Obviously, not knowing what had occurred I was working in a bit of a vacuum. Still, it is an interesting plot and I found it kept my attention.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
It would appear this about a pack of werewolf warriors who are being forced to battle by unscrupulous owners. There's a lot of action here and for the most part, the story was smooth. About half way through, you changed perspective from Storm to Mikeal which, without the back story, I found a bit confusing. Guess I'll have to go back and read the first chapters *Laugh*. I do have one comment about the title: [Title: “moons rest” or “moon rests]

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I found a lot of issues with the technical side. The problems aren't with the story, they're with the telling. I'm going to email you full comments on the entire piece but let me highlight the first two paragraphs by way of explanation:

Storm stepped out of the tunnel. She immediately focused on the wolf already in the fighting ring. She ignored the noise of the crowd; Darius was her only focus now. His grey coat was matted and he had a mad gleam in his almost [Superfluous word] golden brown eyes. He was bigger than her and he lived for only one thing....... [An ellipse, showing hesitation, is only 3 dots with a space on either side] to kill. He growled and pulled his lip up [More dramatic and accurate since he didn’t use his paw *Smile* – "curled his lip"] revealing long yellow teeth.

[You don’t need 3 spaces between paragraphs – a single space will do]

Her [Gender issue – you refer to “his” earlier] "owner" used Darius to fight in these "public fights". Her [Ambiguous – “her” who? Too many “hers”] own fights were usually at his [Gender issue – you referred to the owner as “her” earlier] own private house. Both she and Darius have made him a very rich man. And [Shouldn’t start a sentence with a conjunction] Storm knew she was good. She has survived the last four years. She was not about to roll over, nor would she be giving Darius her throat and die.


*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star* I rated this as average due to the errors. The overall story was an exciting and enjoyable read. Your talent comes through clearly and I found myself wanting to know what happens next. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
475
475
Review of Enemy Territory  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi đź’™ Carly

My name is Ken. I saw your entry in the Baker's Dozen and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Enemy Territory"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I read this as a WWII or perhaps even (if I stretch) Vietnam setting. The action is well planned and the story consistent.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I like happy endings *Smile* so I enjoyed this. Having been in the military, I did see a few errors but, in truth, they don't affect the story. This is fiction, after all (LOL)

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Our protagonist, "Patterson", has been separated from his unit and he's E&Eing it back to his unit - he hopes. I think you did a credible job in laying out the beginning and describing his tactics. He comes upon a group of the enemy and hides, hoping not to be discovered. For some reason, they become suspicious and begin to search until they are dissuaded by a flock of birds. As it turns out, the birds are actually a decoy set by the American soldiers. It was at this point that plausibility suffers just a bit. Still, as it turns out they discover Patterson and rescue him. Most of this is narrative, telling us about what's going on. Use more dialogue (external and internal) to bring the reader into the story.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
There were a few minor things I saw. Some examples:
P1: At the end you write "If I could only get out of this hell hole." This isn't a complete sentence. In fact, I read it as internal dialogue. The convention for internal dialogue (thoughts) is to italicize it.
P5: At the end you write "sending me spiralling into my fear." Spiraling is misspelled.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An enjoyable read but the excitement was somewhat diluted because I was outside the story. Your talent comes through clearly, however. I encourage you to read, review, and continue to write! The technique will come with practice. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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