Hi Cat Schnider  ! This is a review on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  and "a very Wodehouse challenge" [E] Please remember the below is only my opinion. I hope it's helpful to you and that you enjoy it! 
 This is an interesting idea for a story. I really like how creative and unique the storyline is! It's definitely a new spin on immortality and soul mates  I think if you flesh this story out a bit, it would really make for a fantastic longer story. Right now it feels a bit rushed, especially toward the ending. It left me with some questions.
 Title and Description - Interesting title. It caught my attention and made me want to read on. The description hooked me. It sparks intrigue. After reading the story, though, I didn't understand where the 'mystery' part came into play. Maybe I missed it? I also didn't understand the part about mysterious murders? I think those are two areas where the story could definitely be fleshed out. Adding that to the storyline would greatly enhance this already interesting piece. 
 Characters - Your main character is pretty well established. But I'd like to know some of his mannerisms and more of his characteristics. It would help the reader get to know him more intimately.
 Setting - The same with your setting. I think it would help to give the reader a visual of your story, a bit more than what you have now.
Suggestions - You said that when the people met their soulmates, that they age together. But you already said that Ivan was 105 and meeting up with Carol at that age. Yet, we read that Ivan was with his parents? Wouldn't they have been long dead?
Also, I thought he met Carol at the party of 124 and that was why he was meeting up with 'her'. You said he had a friend helping him to eliminate those of the 124 that wasn't his soulmate, but we don't hear anything else about how this friend is helping. That's something you may want to look over.
If I missed something, I apologize. But I scanned back over it and just didn't see it. 
 What I like about your piece - The originality behind the storyline. I think if you expand on your original idea (as to your description) and clean it up a little. You'll truly have an amazing piece!
I also like how Ivan and Martha found each other and decided they would spend their lives together forever--even though they were not soulmates. If I were Martha, I'd keep it quiet that I liked Ivan also. I'd fear ending up dead!  
 Below are a few places you may want to look over:
 every soulmate he’s ever had, because
No comma needed
 but all in all it had been
Comma after all-in-all,
 balance of space time
...space-time
 That is, until you met your soulmate.
No Comma needed after 'is'
 many clocktowers.
many clock towers.
 an african girl
an African girl
 crush on Ivan, but swore
No comma needed after 'Ivan'
 outfit for nearly everyday.
...every day
“Oh my. Do you want me to fix your hair?”
"Oh, my. Do...
“Just try to have fun.” Mom
"Just try to have fun," Mom
Bet they’re great in rain.
But they're great in the rain.
“Nice to meet you.” I say.
"Nice to meet you," I say.
He’s quite beautiful, if we’re being honest.
He's quite beautiful if I'm being honest.
I’m about to protest, because Father
No comma needed after 'protest'
First we’re in the history department.
First, we're in...
I'm not sure you need to list all of these different departments he's getting pulled around to. Maybe just say something similar to, 'he pulled me around to the different departments and introduced me to everyone around. But it was when we entered the Math Department when I truly did not want to leave. This was my element, where I wanted to be--where I felt like I belonged.' (something along those lines ).
Him and Carol talk for a bit, before the blonde-haired boy introduces the head to myself.
They talk for a bit, before Carol, with his tousled, blonde hair, introduces me to the head of the department.
This time I managed to yell an embarrassed apology.
This time, I manage an embarrassed apology.
the mechanics department.
the mechanic's department.
this time I willingly smiled back.
this time, I...
“I hope he didn’t bore you.” Riley
"I hope he didn't bore you," Riley
continue our race.” Riley
continue our race," Riley
“Good guys, both of ‘em.” Father
"Good guys, both of 'em, Father
I truly did enjoy your story. I hope you didn't think I was nick-picking. If I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't have put all this effort into this review. If you decide to work on it a bit more, please let me know. I'd love to come back and reread and rerate this piece for you!
Have you heard of the Paranormal Romance Contest starting on September 1st? I think it may be right up your alley!
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!
 WRITE ON!
Intuey
 
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Please remember these thoughts are only my own. I appreciate you sharing your piece with me. 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Hello 
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us!
Hello 
What's strange is daddy would beat the heck out of us with a belt, but he never believed hitting in the face. That carried on to me in fighting. I didn't like hitting in the face. Of course. as I got older and on my own at such a young age, I learned to do what I had to just to stay alive. Doesn't mean I liked it though. I was a short, little badass, simply because I knew if I wasn't something bigger and badder would come after me and I was far away from my family and friends. 
I like you, was glad when that period of my life was over. But I had learned to survive like that, so some of it hung around and completed me as who I am.
I love that you shared this with your little girl. A respect and love for all life. My bet is she will remember it forever. It will be a very special, intimate memory, shared between you two, always. 
Go figure. 
Characters - 
Setting -
WRITE ON! 
