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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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It really is sad how our nation has done a nose dive. We’ve become so degraded morally. You pointed every aspect of our fall; greed, power lust, media that lies, and other things. What did you mean when you talked about prepping for war for exceptional, reasons? Is it addressing political propaganda? Anyway, your poem was right on. Do you think we will ever change?
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Review of Math  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Oh how true are your words! I curse ye math! That is my worst subject. You so succinctly and creatively defined math exponentially with the pluses and minuses. This was very witty too; it made me laugh. Where did you come up with this? Anyway, I hope more people read and admire this work. Great!
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Review of LIFE  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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This was an excellent poem; all very valid elements of life. You definitely deserved the win. There was just one thing that threw me off a bit and that was the meter. For example: the last two lines of the third stanza I would change it to “ Life is a cool desert,/Vast calm thoughts that assert.” I do love the poem nonetheless. It’s very vibrant and paints a beautiful picture of nature and how we react with it. Nice job man! Happy WDC birthday!
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Review of Unworthy  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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I don’t know what it is, but spiritual poem are particularly beautiful. I think that you summed up the human condition in regard to salvation in part. The next thing keeps people from Christ is pride. I could not catch any inconsistences with this so that’s good. I pray this gives hope to anyone who read this; you never know. Wonderful poem and happy WDC anniversary!
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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I like how you used a stone as a metaphor to illustrate the apathetic, emotionally numb heart of the person addressed by the narrator and then speaking of yourself as a stream that make the rock smooth and the other metaphors you used. I think it would have been good of you expressed the pain of being rejected rather than just the sadness and gloom alone. You did this with the line that reads “My heart breaks and shrivels inside.” That is just what I would like to have seen of course. Anyway the sodden, lonely sentiment coms across very serenely and I loved it. Happy WDC anniversary!
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Review of Green With Envy  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Nice work on this one. I could not find anything wrong with it. I also like your cohesiveness with the dialog and action that drove the story. I thought the bitter ending was good and it really showed his jealous side. At the end when you mention chlorophyll, you’re referencing the sun right? Some people may not get that. I’d find some clarification on this last part. This was a splendid story! Congratulations for making it into the Short Story editor’s picks!
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Review of Forest Labyrinth  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Nice poem. It appears that you’re talking about the end of the world. Is that what it is? When I was reading, I found two parts that, in my opinion, would make for better meter would be to get rid of “so” in the last line of the poem and “are” at the last line of the first stanza. Also, why are you trapped at the end? I missed where you said what thing kept you from speaking. I’m just curious to know more of the character’s experience. All in all I very much liked this. Good move with appealing to four senses. I would have liked to also hear the signs of the end of the world too. Beautiful work!
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Review of Fade  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Its’ very hard to evoke interest with small poems and I thought you did and okay job at this. I really liked your last line. It’s of those poems that make you linger with emotion at the end. I did have to read over it a few times to get the full implication and beauty of the poem. That is not necessarily a bad thing as many famous poets are as hard as heck to understand. After reading it slowly I came to love it. Beautiful work!
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Review of Starship Sentry  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

I have not read many sci-fi stories, but I liked yours. Although the technical lingo threw me off a bit, it is probably due to me nit being used to it. The part that really appealed to me was the concept of different dimensions. I wish you had shown more of the third and fifth dimensions. I am quite curious as to what lives there and what it looks like. Congrats for the 1st place ribbon! Happy new year!
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Review of I am  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Wonderful poem brother. Like you, most of my poetry is about the marvelous character and creation of God. I don’t know what it is, but poetry and God go so well together. If you like, I have a poem called “Creation’s Mystery” that you might like. It’s in my highlights. How long did it take you to compose this? May God bless you greatly and have a good new year!
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Review of Levels of Horror  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Interesting analysis. To me it is like the difference between a nightmare and a night terror. The bottom line is that we like to be scared inn some cases. The thing is how you differentiate between pleasurable and tormenting fear? It’s quite a peculiar situation. We like adrenaline and fear precipitates that high we get in extreme cases. I agree with you about humor in horror; it’s; very funny in such a weird way. One of my favorite ones is Army of darkness. It cracks me up! Do you have any favorites? In any case this was stimulating and I wish you a happy WDC anniversary!
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Review of The Way It Goes  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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This was marvelous! Everything was so fluent and easy to follow. I think the format you wrote this in was what did it. I felt the brutal emotion and circumstances quite effectively. Is there a name for this line by line style you used? In any case you did a god job of presenting and I wish you a happy WDC anniversary! Great work!
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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I really don’t know what to say about this poem. It is good and aptly put with it being so short. The simplicity lets the reader absorb and retain more. For a split second I thought the tiger was a metaphor for the father that was briefly mentioned. I would have thought the same if it were not for your description. I like how the ending left me wondering. Nice poem and happy WDC anniversary!
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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I see how you compared Hitler to Bin laden. I personally think that Hitler was way worse but you’re right that both were equally anti-American. In the name of pride and hatred as well as religion is horribly divisive. It’s sad indeed that people are lied to from propaganda; our nation is falling from its roots and standards. It’s just going to get worse too
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Review of Hate the Hatred  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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This seems to be similar to the Bible’s account of how the world is. It’s full of evil, evil sits in the place of good, good is reviled and wickedness is praised and it is full of suffering. Yet in the long run, good will prevail. Also it is true the indwelling of God, the ultimate good, scares the Devil; literally and figuratively. Thanks for sharing this! It is quite refreshing to hear.
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Review of Restricted  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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This had such raw emotion and I felt it quite well. It is a sad case when a child is put in a box or misunderstood. Sometimes it is a control thing. There is a point where a person must let go and let a child fly on his or her own. I know how it is to have someone who is not satisfied with whatever you do. Thanks for bearing your soul so openly; it shows. Happy WDC birthday!
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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This was a very good moment by moment account. You threw in everything but the kitchen sink. It was kind of mundane until you got to the exciting part where the game began. I did notice a few errors. Below, my comments are in parenthesis.
(Here, you just forgot to put in “opened” after doors)
As the doors, a new sense of New York politeness is apparent as people getting off are shown right of way by people getting on. As I take my seat
(with this one you need “was” between “I” and “astounded”
As I take my seat, I astounded by how quiet the carriage is.
(For this you need a “p” to spell phone)
There are no formal rules about using a hone on the train
(Here just take of the “s” after “near.”
and it's caught nears the home plate seats to end the game
(Finally replace “don’t” with “didn’t” and change “too” into “to” when you use it a second time.
The time is approaching 10.10. Locating the place to wait for the 1 train, we don't have to wait too long for it too arrive.
I would put some emotion in and some dialog might help too. Just tweak it a bit and this could be even better! I could see a lot of interesting content if you put in those things. Keep writing and happy WDC anniversary!

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Review of Voiceless  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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This was so sad! I expected a happy ending where Melanie would receive her voice. You did a good job with evoking such emotion in such a short amount of words. Maybe I missed this, but what was the significance of the finger and the ring? I like the imagery you created; it reminded me of the old south with all its nature. Nice read.
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Review of The Ancient Ones  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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I’ll be forthcoming with you. This was interesting and you have an excellent raw talent. You need development and cohesion to your ability however. The sci-fi elements and occurrences were fascinating but it was as though you were reading a list of things and it got kind of confusing in the middle. Also there was no emotion, dialogue or described actions. This brings me to one of the cardinal rules of writing; show don’t tell. I thought it might be good to point out a few things. Below my comments are in parenthesis.

(Here, the word “ridiculous” sounds scant. Try stopping at “to do” and finish with something like “No matter how you feel about our wishes.)
what we tell them to do no matter how ridiculous our instructions are.”
(with this one, you call it a temple and a lab at the same time. Maybe say a temple that contained a secret lab in it. Or you could say “A temple that was actually a secret lab.”)
in the middle called Mount Meru where there was a temple, which was a secret lab
(For this excerpts just get rid of the word “Over.”)
Over there he tried to use the Cybersphere and hack into the computer network
(This error there is just extra spacing between “from” and “the.” Also I think a period is needed after “Mt” )
Using the technologies from the lab at Mt Meru he built portals.
Just work on it. You have a good premise. I can envision this being very captivating. Happy WDC anniversary!
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Review of On Parade  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Ah, another simple but excellent poem! You really expressed how it feels during the 4th of July. I wish you would have included fireworks in your vibrant, lively picture of this happy and special day. I like how you captured the joyful element that is very childlike. What a fun poem!; and happy WDC anniversery. This review seems to celebrate two special days!
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Review of Swooshies'  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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I like how you tell how man belittles that which is too unfathomable. People often put science on a pedestal that they deem the explainer of everything. This is the ultimate close-mindedness. We just have to realize there are some things that we will never understand. Some things take faith. You must have an exceptional mind to do this in five minutes. Anyway I wish you a happy WDC anniversary! Write on!
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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I love your illusion to the political realm. I can certainly identify with the line that says-“The people choosing the lesser evil.” No matter whom you choose there are always flaws; especially in character. I usually vote Republican because they hold to what matters the most though they typically have other things I disagree with. Like you said, it’s all about power and wealth. This was cleverly written. Great job!
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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I like this poem. It has a professional obscurity to it. By that I mean it’s very abstract and kind of mysterious; most if, not all, of the classic writers use this hard to understand format. It is very beautiful the way you display the emotion in this very short amount of writing. Just the sound of it is nice even if you do not comprehend it at first. To whom is the man showing gratitude toward?
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Review of A Seasons Whisper  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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To me your prose is like haiku written in a different format. It was very beautiful the way you personified the seasons. They fit quite well. It was cool how you ended it with Old Man Winter. It also speaks of the cycle of nature, again much like a haiku. Great work man!
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Review of The Cold Within  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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This was very convicting. How many of us would honestly take in a poor stranger who would knock on the door. You had a good melancholy atmosphere that peaked at the end; it was heartbreaking. It was a tough lesson and it grabbed me. Nice short story. Keep it up.
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