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Review Requests: OFF
1,038 Public Reviews Given
1,623 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a very straight forward reviewing style. I will tell you what I liked about the story and what I didn't. I will point out any errors that I noted as I read, but editing is not a strength of mine.
Favorite Genres
Erotica, dark drama
I will not review...
Poetry, non-fiction, Vore, Shrinking fiction, Gore or straight Horror
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
26
26
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

You did a great job of painting a picture of the corral and ornry wild horse. The descriptions grabbed me and made me feel a part of the action.

Snuffy's comments and the way he ignored his wife were classic. *Laugh*



*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

onto the pony’s black coated back.

No sooner than I had uttered those words, I found myself sailing through the dusty air ~ this would flow better .... No sooner had I uttered those words, than I found myself sailing through the dusty air

He grinned through his greying whiskers when as he climbed into the saddle



*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

None that I can think of.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
27
27
Review of Metamorphous  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I love how this poem tells a story. If I could find a story in all poetry maybe I wouldn't be so intimidated by it! *Blush* This was a very moving and passionate piece. It is surprising the emotion you can pack into so few words. Bravo, my friend! *Heart* Thank you for sharing your work with us.

~ Mara
28
28
Review of Peace Corps  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The story you share here is one that makes my heart pound and my eyes tear up every time I read the words and look at your pictured memories. You have lead an incredible life and the fact that you share this exciting, and sometimes scary, part with the love of your life makes it all the more special. I loved the story these pictures link to and can see why it won first place. Reading your words here, and in the bit you wrote from the view point of Christian's ring, I am awed by your strength and talent. *Heart*

~Mara
29
29
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

I stumbled over this article today offered up in one of the WDC Newsletters and was impressed. You do a wonderful job of covering the bases on what it takes to compete in and complete NaNo. I NaNo a couple of years ago for the first time and while I made the grade I was so mentally wiped out afterward I didn't write for MONTHS!

That said, I find myself this year contemplating doing it again. One part of me is terrified of the crash after and that little voice is nagging reminding me that I haven't been able to stick to any type of word count goal lately. All true, BUT 50k in a month is a long way toward a finished book and when I go back and read what I wrote the first time it is really not the drivel I feared! LOL I just wish I could write at 1/2 that pace on a normal basis! Think of the production! LOL

Thank you for laying it all out on the line for people signing up or considering NaNo. This should be required reading!


Any errors noted:

None noted ... but then this wasn't your first draft I'm sure. *Wink*


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I would post a link to this up on your "NaNoWriMo Write-A-Thon" ! It is a great reference!


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
30
30
Review of Traitor's honour  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

This was a wonderfully written piece that held my attention from start to finish. I loathed the weakling emperor and his lascivious ways and loved the old warrior that believed more in real honor than in an oath forced. Incredible tale!


Any errors noted:

None noted


Any suggestions for Improvement:

No suggestions for improvement. Write on. You have a gift. *Heart*


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
31
31
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

You had my heart in my throat as I read of your experiences. I've read a couple of your tales regaling us with your experiences and I'm always amazed and enthralled. You have lead such an exciting life and the fact that you met Christian to share it with makes it that much more special and romantic. *Heart*


Any errors noted:

Not a single one. You put an amazing polish on your work


Any suggestions for Improvement:


You can't improve on the passion of your story telling. *Heart*

*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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32
32
Review of Mariposa  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

I was looking for a good read this morning while at work and thought where better to look than in Nicki's port ... you certainly didn't disappoint.

I loved how you captured the despair of depression, how even when you KNOW there is a problem it can be impossible to battle through without help ... maybe even professional help. I cried for Marilyn and the bitterness that caused her to even question God. What a beautiful sign he provided.



Any errors noted:

Not a one noted through my tears.


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I wouldn't change a thing. This story was moving in so many different ways.*Heart*


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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33
33
Review of Letting Go  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I confess to not knowing much about poetry, but this poem struck a nerve in me which I believe is the aim of most writers, good or bad. Your words read like song lyrics to me and echo in my head after I am done reading. I see myself in the words. Well done. *Heart*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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34
34
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

I thought I reviewed this when I voted! *Shock* Oh well ... here it goes! *Laugh*

What an amazing challenge this must of been! There are so many times as I writer I think that I am in a rut of description or dialogue only (Which is amazing because I used to STRUGGLE with dialogue and now they yammer on) but, to actually write the same tale using each is awesome!

You have done an amazing job here of pulling the reader into the story in few words. My heart just absolutely fell through the floor when the lady on the other end of the phone told Belle that her mother had been released ... not just recently ... but LAST NOVEMBER! I could see her just staring blankly at the incriminating envelope. Awesome imagery and you did it with dialogue only and then again with description!


Any errors noted:

Not a one! You put such effort into polishing your work. It is a pleasure to read!


Any suggestions for Improvement:

Not a thing. You are such a perfectionist. Reading your work not only makes me want to write, but it makes me want to write better!


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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35
35
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

Straight upfront, I'm not a poetry person. That said, I thought this poem was beautiful. I can't tell you if it was technically perfect, but I can tell you it moved me and that is the most important part of reading for me. *Heart* I loved the simplicity of the words and the heart felt emotion.


Any errors noted:

Truthfully don't know enough about poetry and form to say, but nothing glaring to me.


Any suggestions for Improvement:

Keep writing and good luck in the finals! *Shamrock*


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

** Image ID #1383609 Unavailable **
36
36
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

You paint such a vivid picture of Piper in this piece. I loved the feel of the piece. As vivid the description there was a pawl over the words bringing alive the simplicity and sadness of her young life.

No surprise you won this round. It is not easy to make your reader feel with just a series of questions, but you managed it splendidly!

Oh ... and I loved that her best friends name was April *Wink*


Any errors noted:

Not a single one!


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I hope that you will write Piper's story someday. *Heart*


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
37
37
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello ♥Hooves♥ ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

The simple prose of this story really wrapped around me as I read. The content is one that promises to draw emotions from most, if not all, in this country and I love how you slowly introduced it, keeping the everyday life aspect. Well done. Beautiful and heart breaking at once.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

I didn't notice a one.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

My only suggestion would be to use more of the allotted word count. That could be selfish on my part. *Wink*


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
38
38
Review of The Presentation  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

You have presented a morning here that everyone can relate to in one way or another. With luck like that, I have to wonder if Meredith is Irish. That looked like Murphy's Law at it's finest.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Not a technical error, but a niggling one.

Meredith smiled, moved over to the waiting area and collapsed into an overstuffed chair. Thinking back over the events of the morning, she began smiling.

*Note* Meredith smiled .... and then ... she began smiling.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

None that I can think of. Great job and good luck!


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
39
39
Review of A Good Deed  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Totally different take on the picture prompt. Interesting how our heroine wasn't the biggest or the strongest, and yet her smarts and will to survive served her well.

One thing that really threw me off / nagged at me was the way your seven or eight year old boy talked when he finally opened his mouth. I thought the sentence structure / word choices here were too sophisticated for at boy of that age.

*Note* “They’re all over the suburbs,” the boy replied, smiling. “My dad’s company installed a bunch of them in the weeks leading up to the outbreak.”

As silly of a thing as it may seem, it jolted me out of the fictional cocoon.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Not a one noted. *Bigsmile*


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:


Work on the boy's speaking sentence, and perhaps build suspense while he is unlocking. Have her looking around, out in the open, not moving ... ect.

*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
40
40
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

This tale was so tense and emotional! My heart was pounding and tears flowed as I read. To know that this was another true tale from the exciting life you and your dear husband have shared made it all the more poignant.

Excellent job of following the prompt and telling the story from the POV of Christen's wedding band. The tiny details like the heat and sweat of Christen's palm ... the tiny ray of light creeping in ... the shallow grave in the dirt .. and the quick kiss. You have such a talent. Great story!


Any errors noted:

Not a one!


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I've likely said this to you before, but I hope that one day you will sit down and write your and Christian's story. The peeks you have graced us with have been exciting, heart pounding and passionate. I would love to read the whole story someday. *Heart*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
41
41
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OMG this was absolutely Priceless! You had me holding my breath and trying to laugh all at the same time! When Grammy said the one under your ass I died! The dialogue was spontaneous and real. A breath of fresh air! Good luck in the contest. I wish you the best!
42
42
Review of Round Trip Ticket  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello edworthly! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I liked the start. I think most of us would be excited and apprehensive both to start our own business.


*Shamrock*A few errors noted:

*Note* I heard some one say were (we're) losing him

*Note* Instantly I was standing In a beautiful meadow. That seemed to go on forever. (Combine, this is not two separate sentences)

*Note* I scanned all directions(,) but no one was in sight.

*Note* Iwent to school with you (I went)


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Take a look at the conversations in the story and work on punctuation and formatting to make it easier for your readers.

I would have liked to have seen you get more in depth with the character, to give your reader emotion to feed off. The story is very matter of fact and short, not even using up half of the allowed word count.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
43
43
Review of The Gift  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Milhaud - Long Tail ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Funny, when you mentioned Mansfield in the third sentence the prison was the first thing that came to mind.

You do a good job here of telling a coming of age story. Danny's struggles with an abusive father and then boss ring true and made me feel for him.

I like the realism of the story from Danny going to prison, to the simple way he escaped.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

None that I can think of. *Bigsmile*


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
44
44
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Lindy ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

What a touching and unique use of the prompt! Maybe boys don't have the emotional connection to secret/special places that we girls do, but your story certainly brought back memories for me.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Please don't change a thing! *Heart*


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
45
45
Review of My Place  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Noxys ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Telling the tale from journel entries was different and worked for me. The loss of wife and tree at the ending was poignant and I found my throat closing, eyes prickling ... it is a very good thing when you move your reader.

Choosing to make you character a writer works well, drawing your readers here on WDC in as we understand the lifestyle.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

*Note* I asked her from the top (of) this tree where we first met.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Because you still had plenty of space in your wprd count I would have liked to see one or two entries between 1974 -2006. Maybe mention of his childrens birth or something to make the timeline flow a bit more.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
46
46
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello CREEK ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Such a sad and lonely girl. Her compassion for the injured butterfly was touching.



*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Watch the wording as there were spots that made me stumble... try reading out loud to help you catch the flow. Ex:

*Note* The house , she lived (in) with her grandparents


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

The edit points are very distracting for the reader. In the future you might limit their use to early reviews and remove them for contest entries.



*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
47
47
Review of Relative Family  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Miike7311 ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

It seems an average everyday is about to go spinning off the tracks. I liked the build up and the tension between step siblings. I can only guess at what she wants to tell him, but my gut says it will be heartbreaking and life changing for both.


*Shamrock* Errors Noted:

*Note* Her small cracked lips closed and got smaller as she got closer, then the dream world swirled and disappeared as his alarmed (alarm or alarm clock) blared Aerosmith’s “Crying” out it its small twangy speaker.



*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

There were parts of the story that were confusing and a bit rambling. You might go back through and try to tighten the story up a bit.

ex: The third sentence confused me ... finished with what?


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
48
48
Review of I am a tree  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello lisa k ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Unique use of the picture prompt. You point out a lot things that no one thinks of in the life of a tree.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Your choice was unique, but more of and classic/emotional fiction might place better in a contest such as this. This is a purely personal observation so please take it as such. Write on!


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
49
49
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I loved the thoughts of Eden, you gave her a lovely voice, and of course her name. Great take on the picture prompt!


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

*Note* two creature walked cautiously descended


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

My only suggestion would be to continue the story with plenty of room in the word count and time frame.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
50
50
Review of The Tree of Love  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello jpsmtl ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

A classic love story. I would have liked to have found out about David sooner, seen her emotion at returning home tinged with wonder if he would some how find his way home.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

A lot of the descriptions were over done with adjectives. I understand that the time period had a flare for the dramatic, but it is something to watch.

Best of luck!


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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