Wonderful writing. I was pulled in from the time I started reading. Your characters are so believable they walk off the page. I have read your writing before and you have real talent. My tears for Toby are for hundreds of black Americans this actually happened to. I came to Atlanta from the North when I was 5 in 1959, I saw and experienced plenty to cause tears. Write on.
Kat
You have done a good job of pouring your pain out on the paper and I feel it. I went through something very similar myself and almost twenty years later (my ex has died) yet he poisoned our boys against me. I have to always remember that positive will always outlast the negative and those children (now adults-one was 18 at the time) always knew the truth. They are still confused about money and things. Sad. Write on! The following is great- The poem flows and no errors seen-very touching!
He has managed to steal
All of me, all that I am,
My heart nor my life will not heal.
Hugs,
Kat
You have the right idea here. There are some errors in spelling and punctuation, etc. A couple of edits would help and remove any extra words. Nice start-welcome to WDC. You will love it here. Write on!
Kat
The poem and analysis of it is very creative. It really adds to the Lansing series. I found the following statement something that really stood out
-That is what evil does to us...it leads us to believe something is beautiful, and places upon us a feeling of being alive...when in reality it stalks us, drains us of our life force, then destroys us, often before we even know it.
The idea of the Wind as something evil is intriquing.
Excellent writing.
Kat
Beautiful writing. I love the way the flower becomes a metaphor for life and sadly, it does end. Thank God for the rainbow that reminds us a new life begins with every end. I can just imagine an elderly person remembering the days of their youth for hours on end as the rain and gray clouds come in. I really enjoyed this. Welcome to WDC and keep writing.
Kat
A wel written piece about a man's spiritual life. I didn't see any errors in spelling or punctuation. You could feel the emotions and that means very much. I am so sorry that you lost your father and I am glad you all were in agreement at the end of his life. Write on.
Kat
Any comments are only my personal ideas and meant as suggestions.
As the writer, you must decide what your story, characters or message is saying.
My overall impression: I loved this poem.
What I liked most: Your descriptions of things that make a person happy were so vivid. I could picture each one and they made me smile.
It's taking an old beat up piece of furniture and making it new again, redefining it, making it a part of you. This was my favorite line.
Suggestions for change: the only error I saw was you need another s in happiness.
This writing made me feel: Happiness, serenity and fulfilled.
Keep writing. You are talented.
Always make the time to write. Your characters will speak to you, if you take the time to listen.
Keep writing!
Any comments are only my personal ideas and meant as suggestions for you to use or dismiss.
As the writer, you are the only one to decide what your story, characters or message is saying.
My overall impression: beauty of the cherry blossoms like the ripening of a young girl's life
What I liked most: the overall upbeat loveliness of the poem. The descriptions are perfect. The last two lines are my favorites.
Suggestions for change: didn't see any
This writing made me feel: optimism and beauty-something not felt in Washington much these days.
Always make the time to write, it is a window to your soul. Your characters will speak to you, if you take the time to listen. They never let you down.
Keep writing!
I believe I saw that you were born in 1992, are you sure about that? I am smiling because your writing reflects education, experience and more importantly, a maturity beyond your years. This is a moving piece that stirs the emotions.
My favorite lines:
Ever be warned that I am seven dresses taller,
I have written our silver names into sidewalk cement.
No Kings in what castles, no wings on which angels.
Firstmind reveries dreamt them until they ran colorless
Any comments are only my personal ideas and meant as suggestions for you to use or dismiss.
As the writer, you are the only one to decide what your story, characters or message is saying.
My overall impression: A very sweet and lovely story. mainly for children but as an adult, I enjoyed.
I love the positive ending and the moral lesson about not keeping something that isn't yours.
What I liked most:I loved the descriptions of the sea and your characters are wonderful. This story needs more. It is beautiful, joyful and you could really build on it. You are very talented.
Suggestions for change: A name for the mermaid and perhaps some more details all the way around.
What did the fisherman look like? Gramma Fish? If you had illustrations they wouldn't be needed. The world is so colorful, I believe you could really paint this story with shimmering shades of imagination.
This writing made me feel: Lovely and happy the problem was solved for every one. I liked the idea of an imagination hat.
Always make the time to write, it is a window to your soul. Your characters will speak to you, if you take the time to listen. They never let you down.
Keep writing!
Any comments are only my personal ideas and meant as suggestions for you to use or dismiss.
As the writer, you are the only one to decide what your story, characters or message is saying.
My overall impression: Nostalgia and love spring forth from this poem like my pond. It just makes one feel good, if you have memories of family that bring a smile.
What I liked most: The schoolbooks and trying on dresses-it rhymes without trying and that is hard to do.
Suggestions for change: None really.
This writing made me feel: Like my Grandma winked.
Always make the time to write, it is a window to your soul. Your characters will speak to you, if you take the time to listen. They never let you down.
Keep writing!
Any comments are only my personal ideas and meant as suggestions for you to use or dismiss.
You, as the writer, are the perfect one to decide what you are saying.
My overall impression: This is a very poignant piece of writing. I had tears in my eyes while reading it. Being Father's Day made it even mean more. It is written beautifully, flowing smoothly without errors. And it is so true. We are all so blessed and seldom stop to realize it. Life moves much too fast.
What I liked most: The feelings it evokes in the reader. When I see my two year old grandson today, I will think of this and reflect-for this is what we have. To see the world through his wide innocent and inquisitive eyes reminds me of my own father's quiet wise ones. They are the same pools of blue like the lake where we swim and fish.
What I liked least: That it ended.
Suggestions for change: Nothing-you are a very talented poet.
Your remarkable talent for detail had me feeling every pain Bill was experiencing. I could also visualize the terrible place he was at and what was going on around him.
“I don’t know Jace- I believe you need a comma between know and Jace. There are a few places where you need to make punctuation and grammar corrections.
The story is really good though. You are talented. I was pulled into it and look forward to reading on.
Write on,
Kat
Cacophony-I discovered a new word-had to look it up. I liked this poem-short but a very true statement. Sad how much poetry never gets read-most people that read don't even bother with poetry. You said a lot in a little poem.
Great writing.
Write on.
Kat
I love this poem. The descriptions are wonderfully creative. It has humor and interesting information. My favorite stanza has to be the following-
I like hungry spiders
With their very special jaws,
Which suck their tasty suppers,
Like milk shakes slurped through straws.
Great poetry.
Write on.
Kat
This is a beautiful poem full of meaning. I will have to read your story to fully understand it.
I love the following:
The days where sorrow dozes
When dragonfly’s glittering fire
And sunset’s amber delight
Fade softly on a distant pyre
Into a shimmering night
It sets up a stunning image.
I will be back.
Write on,
Kat
Being an RN, I knew a little about this disease but this was an eye-opener. You did a wonderful job of writing about this and it's effect on your life. I felt like I was lying in that bed with you, feeling all the emotions and indignities. I know that Gullian-Barre is a disease that most people recover from. I have spoken to patients before that suffered from this and heard their experience but reading it opens a new door to the emotional pain and physical discomfort. Thank you for writing this and I am so glad you did recover. You are a surviver with an experience that has changed your life forever-you have much to teach.
Write on.
Kat
I love the way you shaped the words, the stanzas to make a profile of a body(?) The entire poem is so sad. It is like
someone has to go back to see where they came from. Then finding how depressing it all is and unable to do anything about it-at the end, they are just resigned. The image of the dying animals carries through until there is nothing to do but wait for death. Very clever and heart breaking.
Kat
This brought tears to my eyes. When a writer can evoke emotion in me, they are talented. It really takes a lot because I am generally a person that keeps it all inside.
I don't see any errors. The poem flows well in freestyle. The use of eye color was a good way to explain feelings. All together, a wonderful but sad poem. I am sorry for your loss.
Write on,
Kat
This is not my favorite genre of reading. With that said, I think you do it pretty well. I used to read all of Anne Rice's novels and liked them. I may go back and read the other chapters. There were quite a few punctuation mistakes. I mention a few.
“Shut the door, you’re letting the heat out” he adds casually. ~4~You need a comma at the end of the quote before the quote marks or you can use a period and then capitalize he.
“How could it not when you are all so beautifully aroused and on display in front of me? I thank you for the offer,” I must be careful to not insult this proud and powerful man “and it is a tempting one, believe me on that. But I’ve made a vow to Rafe and I will not break it.” I believe the punctuation in the preceding needs to be corrected.
“Thanks for the meal Rafe. I believe you need a comma after meal.
You have talent. It is a little graphic for me. Write on.
Kat
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