Hello, nos4nus. This is an agonizing writing to read, so I cannot imagine the pain of expressing your thoughts. Your sorrow echoes in each line.
As a reader, I can certainly feel the anguish. As a reviewer, there is one line that I fought myself to mention:
"you are not here, not now, not ever."
I understand the reference to 'not ever,' but Cody was here and created so many memories that you express throughout your writing, and will always be here in your thoughts and heart.
Just my personal sentiment.
Here's hoping that someday you can smile again when thinking of Cody. Your words reflect the loss suffered, yet the pride and love shared.
This was a powerful writing about losing one's identity. Personally, I read it as a struggle, perhaps depression, robbing a person of their original self.
As the parent of a child suffering from depression, I would delete the 'so-called monster.' Mental disease IS a monster.
Of course, I have witnessed that this disease does not allow sleep...just mentioning my personal POV.
If I have missed your intent, I apologize...it just reads too familiar to me.
Your words echo in my head too many memories. The thoughts are expressed quite vividly.
Oh, haven't many of us been there? Well, not dialing the number and pressing #2, but suffering the effects of an undelivered school letter.
The experience was actually believable to any parent who has agonized over the above.
The comedy of events expressed is delightful and certainly kept me entertained.
I have to admit I found myself confused regarding why the glue gun came into the eventual calamity of events. Was is simply the feel of sitting on it, or was it plugged in? Being a glue gun user, if plugged in, I would never consider setting it in a chair. And, might I ask what the granny panties might have added to the situation? You had to be wearing something beneath those pants?
You might consider double spacing between paragraphs for an easier read.
This was an adorable story that I enjoyed reading, despite my confusion.
This is a sentimental poem that describes living through hopelessness, believing in one's self, and the miracles that we can expect in life.
Each line rolls so easily creating an enjoyable read.
There is one word that caught me by surprise...dingy. To me, it just doesn't seem the right description for a hopeless, forlorn, wretched, or lonely life.
Overall, though, it is a poem that allowed me to feel the emotions expressed by the writer.
This was a bittersweet story. A woman living with her overwhelming demons was able to cast them aside for one moment and think of someone else.
The story keeps the reader interested, not only through your wondering over the years of why your parents seemed supportive of this woman, but through the kindness itself of your parents.
Whoops, you might want to add a period to your last sentence.
The story progressed in a manner that allows the reader to follow the sequence of the plot. You introduced an unlikely hero.
Hello, Kikihill. You are fast approaching your first-month anniversary in Writing.Com. Congratulations!
This is a beautifully expressed poem about the love of a mother for her child. Although the lines are short, each one definitely delivers its powerful message to not judge.
I particularly feel the line, "He sees the world differently," although no comma is required in sees.
This is a heartfelt reminder to merely offer an encouraging smile to parents in public places, and not just assume a child is having a bad day. Thank you for sharing.
This was a thought-filled writing that is a good reminder of how we take for granted such simple, yet necessary, items in our lives. It was creatively written based on a dream.
Just a couple things were noticed:
another trinket.”
because it was such a great a gift
I like the whole idea of the story, but particularly how differently we view something that meant nothing to us until a desperate need makes us so thankful for the item. Occasionally, we also need to be reminded how a kind gesture might impact another life and is free to give.
This was a different writing but interesting. The contrast of 'her' looking into the mirror while others addressed 'her' as Sir or Mr. certainly depicts the struggle too many are dealing with silently.
The first paragraph is a little confusing. It's stated 'she' doesn't understand why the feeling's were the way they were, then states deep in her heart she knew.
didn't feel like anyone of those Since only two choices are mentioned, perhaps either of those?
didn't see her, the way she no comma necessary
Although too short to really deal with the inner conflict, the ending was strong. It definitely describes the turmoil of a reflection that isn't quite right.
Hello, michaelanthony, and welcome to Writing.Com.
Actually, I have been to the area of Westport in Kansas City many, many years ago. It was during the lunch hour and before this quaint part of the city was inhabited by the subspecies to which your story refers. Besides the bars mentioned, there were also many unusual little shops where a person could discover the most perfect purchase they would never have imagined they needed.
Several things you might consider changing:
immediately they are pleased
girls dressed up up for the
had the women
the young men can just
act like wild hellions.
ballad that he had surely made up
James, really not knowing
some reason he had brought
In one sentence, it is mentioned that Nolimkey is James' brother while others mention him as a friend. Best friends can feel like brothers, but as stated it seems a little confusing.
The end seems much too calm for the experience Nolimkey and James have just shared. Although possible, it seems a little unbelievable that two young men, out on the town for an evening, could just walk home from that scene. Not only because the story depicts them as rather innocent, decent young men, but also the mention that they are covered in blood and cop cars are everywhere.
I do suggest running your writings through a spell check before posting as this would probably have caught some of the corrections I mentioned.
Despite the grammatical errors noted and my personal view of the ending, you do have a knack for adding descriptive phrases throughout your story.
This is a powerful poem that demands the reader take a look within themselves. A first impression can be clouded by surroundings. I really feel that your words will make a difference in what I think I might see then force me to see with my heart, instead.
Just some things noticed while enjoying my read:
annoying buzz you irritably slap away
to be ignored when you're in need
teach you there's more to life
This is a well-versed tale of reaping what we sow. Our actions will catch up with us one day.
This is a cute story about the land where dryer-eaten clothes go.
The story seems targeted to a young audience. Would your audience understand what a gnome is? Just a personal thought...but what child hasn't heard mom accuse the dryer of stealing/eating a sock? I'm seeing a group of missing socks sitting on the pile of junk (the sock dad looked for while dressing for work, sister's sock that matched the outfit she just had to wear, even maybe one of Taylors's favorite socks. Of course, this is just my vision. As an illustrated story, though, socks would be easier to draw.
Just some things noticed while enjoying my read:
apologize to Toby for getting him so
gnome walkked to a pile
Quickly, he had Toby sifted through his toy chest Line reads a little awkward?
he found the toy he
Overall, the story idea is inviting and could develop into a 'just one more time read' at bedtime.
This was an expressive poem about loss, grief, and the lack of finding any reprieve of these feelings through justice.
To be honest, I finally did a search to tie the title to the writing. Although your words become clearer after the search, they do allude to fallen officers as written. I'm not suggesting any changes, just admitting I was not familiar with the term.
Your writing conveys the sorrow of losing too many close friends who gave their lives protecting us.
Your last line is quite powerful. It shares with us that the public is not alone in their search for justice which sometimes cannot be found.
What a delightful little poem that reads so true of our hectic lives...always trying to force the pieces to fit. You've managed to mark the precise pieces of life that occasionally need a spot of glue to hold them altogether.
This was a fun, inviting read...no errors that were noticed.
What a beautiful story! I can't imagine anyone reading your words without several sighs and pausing a few times to blink the eyes to remain focused on the page.
The warmth and love shared in this writing is a gift to your reader.
The presentation of your story is inviting; no suggestions for any changes.
Thank you for the smile from merely reading your words.
Your words will find a reflection in many readers. Are we extreme worriers, or do those we sit alone for not realize their own problems, or maybe they can cast them aside and enjoy life despite them? Whatever our reasoning or theirs, this poem spoke to me.
Your title and brief description certainly describe the emotions to be uncovered in this writing...desperation to hang onto love for just one more moment no matter what that moment may cost in the little left self esteem of the struggle.
Just one suggestion:
No longer you're queen your not you're which equates to you are
The ending line summarizes the desperation of wanting to hang on by hoping to believe the lies.
Your writing is quite expressive. I feel the deep emotion of desperation rooted within each line. Every word is heart wrenching to anyone who has been associated with such hopelessness.
The last two lines are so chilling to someone who has heard them voiced aloud. It only takes one read to sense the overwhelming sorrow that is sometimes woven into a life.
Hello, Kings. Random Review delivered your words to my screen, and they were words that I definitely needed right now after kissing my own little, grown up shadow goodbye at the airport.
Your writing definitely describes the feelings of loss, love, and wishes of having our children near, no matter their age. I found myself smiling at many of the descriptions used.
The ending reveals the real thoughts of a parent missing their child. Don't worry about us and enjoy your life, but please come home.
This was a powerful writing that inspires the reader to reflect on their own life...the reflection we might cast and how our own lives might either cause or calm waves when dealing with others.
Several lines caught my attention, but my favorite was:
and the faults we see in others
are just a reflection upon ourselves.
I read this as, if we are able to recognize certain faults in others, then we must be familiar with and probably guilty of these same faults.
My review is based solely on my personal interpretation of your words, which sometimes is all we can offer.
This was a sad little poem, but well-written. The emotion of your words grabs the reader and doesn't turn loose, even after the read is over.
The rhyme is scheme is perfect. Each rhyme fits well with the thoughts expressed; no word used simply for the sake of a rhyme. The lack of punctuation works allowing the reader to pause and reflect on each line as long as they want. The poem is easily read.
This is a writing that any reviewer will not soon forget after closing the page.
Hello, Carla. I am so glad I discovered this Christmas gem.
The story is well-known, yet creatively phrased in your words. The rhyme scheme is good; the rhythm not perfect...but the thoughts shared quite inspiring.
Each line tells THE story through the eyes of a shining star's humble glory.
A delightful, holiday read!
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