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1,499 Public Reviews Given
1,744 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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Review of A new chance  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello kendall

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A great twist on the prompt and on the words "carpe diem". I liked the character, you described him well enough without being gory about his burns. You described the desert scene well.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some of the sentences in the second half of the story could have been combined up into paragraphs.

Overall: An engaging story.

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252
252
Review of The Forgotten Man  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Naomi

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A heartwarming story of hope and love. I really enjoyed reading this, you did a good job of portraying the emotion of the child. I wondered the significance of the Dec 25 date, other than tying in the mother's name.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*I would like to have seen the word "wish" instead of "hope" at least once in the story to fit the prompt.
*Bullet*Blue (our border collie) ~ Could use commas instead of parentheses.

Overall: A nice story with a happy ending.

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253
253
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello David

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

What an ironic twist to the prompt, using a common wish many people make. I liked it! I liked your character Charlie and his fateful view on karma. I could see a story like this being published in a magazine.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Even written in this point of view, I would like to have known the Dad's name.

Overall: A toucning story.

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254
254
Review of Things We Make  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello romance_junkie

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I loved your portrayal of the pitiful cake and the whimsical little nine year old girl. The description of the father was great, just how a man in mourning and just managing would be.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some punctuation in your dialog.


Overall: An interesting read.

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255
255
Review of Little Pony Boy  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl!

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

What a cute story! So many little girls wish for ponies on their birthday, isn't it fun to see one wish come true? Your characters were a delight to enjoy reading and the pony's name was adorable.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Perhaps make it clear that the party was being held outdoors. Or did the pony come into the parlor? LOL

Overall: A lovely story to read.

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256
256
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I loved the self-deprecating comedic tone of this story. Haven't we all felt that way at times? The rhythm of your writing and your voice in the story was a delight to read. I liked your whole karma theory.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*

Overall: An enjoyable read, and I hope your next birthday wish comes true. You never know!

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257
257
Review of Earl's Fate  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Dude

This was a fun idea for a beginning of a story. I'm assuming this is a first chapter of something larger. It's always fun to daydream about what one would do with lottery winnings. Your details about checking the river made the character seem authentic. I would have liked to see the fishing tied in with the lottery ticket. Like catching the big one compared to the lottery.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs make for much easier reading.
*Bullet*"he noticed that it was in deed a lottery" ~ "indeed"
*Bullet*Would it be that no one "claimed" their win in the lottery or that no one won? If the ticket Earl found was a winner, the lottery would have said one winner, not yet claimed.

Overall, an interesting outline.

Regards,
Kim
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258
258
Review of Selkie  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Starlit Stranger

Welcome to Writing.com! You joined just in time to help our community celebrate 10 years!

Your item caught my eye because I'm writing a selkie story.

I liked your characters and how they portrayed a new couple with the uncomfortable moments that go with them. I love how lightning looks over the ocean.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Expand the story and add some back history and character description.

Overall, a good story.

Regards,
Kim
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259
259
Review of Leaving The Woods  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Knismo

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Your story was interesting with a very unexpected turn. Perhaps during edit you could add some clues as to why the affair happens and why she would leave because of a note.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"he's fathered on different women" - Suggest taking out "on" and using "with".
*Bullet*"past two from the closest paved road" ~ I don't understand what "past" means in this sentence.
*Bullet*"the scary note on the doormat" ~ Not sure why it would be scary. Even if your character was alone.

Overall: Good character formation.

Writer's Cramp!
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260
Review of Something missing  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Robert Kaine

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A heartwarming story about finding someone lost. Some of your story was told, rather than shown. I liked the characters but felt a little bogged with backstory. I know it's hard to fit it all in with a word count limit. Perhaps expand this later. Keep Gertrude, she's adorable!

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Perhaps link her pictures with Jim's by showing the reader the handwriting on her picture.

Overall: I liked reading the story.

Writer's Cramp!
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261
Review of Just a Quick Peek  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Organized Chaos

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

How true about our attention spans in the technilogical era. I thought your story was charming in the way you brought in the book, like it was some mysterious contraband. Your introduction of your character was clever.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Just looking. Just peaking." ~ "peeking"

Overall: I liked the secretiveness of the character. Well done.

Writer's Cramp!
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262
Review of Weekender  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Alan Davies

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I liked the ending to your poem, dogs really are man's best friend. The third stanza made me laugh. The rhyme was a litte choppy. The color changes added some zip.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 2 & 3 both started with I'll, a little disconcerting.
*Bullet*Perhaps expand some of your very short lines.

Overall: An intersting peek into your character's life.

Writer's Cramp!
263
263
Review of Epitaph (Edited)  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Raoc

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

What an ironic story! I loved your character but what was his name? Your scene description felt authentic and I could see what the man was doing in my mind.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Name the character, even if he doesn't want anything named after him. LOL
*Bullet*Twice in the story I wondered if the emergency breathing apparatus the character called irrelevant would have helped his situation. Perhaps just take it out?

Overall: Impressive work.

Writer's Cramp!
264
264
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Lupin Little

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I liked the ending to this story. While it was part of the prompt, you worked it in well and fashioned it as a good last line of the story.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"To quick, it all got worse to quick, he felt.." ~ "too"
*Bullet*"Maybe it was because it was a choice"
*Bullet*"As john got to a conclusion..." ~ "John"
*Bullet*"he felt hopeful even more" ~ "even more hopeful"


Overall: Good work!

Writer's Cramp!
265
265
Review of The Vacation  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Winchester Jones

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

This was a funny write! From a broken down bus to a helicopter ride with a criminal, definitely not what I would call a vacation. LOL I liked the dialog and his responses to her comments.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The man spoke in long ranbling sentences and was looking at Rose as he went on and on. ~ This is the only part that threw me off. I can't imagine he'd be doing more than just glancing at her if he was trying to naviagate a damaged Huey.

Overall: A comical story.

Writer's Cramp!
266
266
Review of The Sleepwalker  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Happy April 2024!

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Funny poetry! I've heard of people eating and walking in their sleep, scary stuff!

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The first stanzas felt as though they had some rhythm to them but it seemed to slip away later in the poem.
*Bullet**Paragraph*6 ~ The last line seems overly long.

Overall: An amusing read.

Writer's Cramp!
267
267
Review of Gym Split  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Than Pence

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A comedic embarrassing moment! And it was a bad day for the narrator to go commando. LOL

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The third section had a rhyme issue with go/door.

Overall: A funny oopsie!

Writer's Cramp!
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268
Review of putrid kisses  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello christo

I liked your work, it didn't seem as gory as I thought it would be when I read the intro on the Plug Page.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 1 ~ Suggest "dancers" instead of "dances".
*Bullet*Line 5 ~ Suggest " selfishness" instead of "selfness".
*Bullet*Line 6 ~ Suggest "ourselves" instead of "or selves".

Overall, you created interesting and thought-provoking images.

Regards,
Kim
Happy Spring!
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269
Review of A Field in Winter  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello TWRussell

Funny how snow makes a stark contrast for nature and one notices more even while driving down the highway. This reminded me of a time I saw a line of turkeys crossing a snow covered field.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, beautifully written.

Regards,
Kim
Happy Spring!
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Review of Lilith  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello bob county

A charming story, even given the fact that Winkin, Blinkin and Nod are not using their usual mode of transportation in the form of a wooden shoe.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some formatting issues, you should start a new line when you change speakers in dialog. The left margin should be justified.
*Bullet**Paragraph*1 ~ Typos: sniched/snitched potatoe/potato
*Bullet**Paragraph*3 ~ Typos: guess/guest clam/calm
*Bullet**Paragraph*8 Typo: your/you're
*Bullet**Paragraph*14 Remove "+".

Overall, a cute story twist.

Regards,
Kim
Happy Spring!
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271
Review of A Woman Scorned  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello C. Carlos Camacho

A spooky good story. I liked your scene descriptions and the cat transformation was delightfully creepy.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I'm not sure the shouting caps are necessary to the story.
*Bullet*The last part of your story could just as easily be the beginning of the story. I'd prefer it at the beginning.

Overall, a great spooky tale.

Regards,
Kim
Happy Spring!
272
272
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello dollzell

I liked the final line, isn't it true - many people leave footprints in our hearts.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 1, space between friendship and comma should be moved to the other side of the comma.
*Bullet*Line 3, 4 ~ space needed after commas.
*Bullet*Many of your lines have "but", perhaps reword.

Overall, a sweet and sad read. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
Happy Spring!
273
273
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Bwitchd3

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A good story using the prompt. I liked Kevin and James as characters. Good rising action!

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The change in point of view when Cindy slides down the wall is unnecessary - stick with James.
*Bullet*I liked the backstory, but it felt a little jumbled.
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs is helpful for online readers.
*Bullet*Tripped on a chicken...in the woods?

Overall: A good story idea.

Writer's Cramp!
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274
Review of Life From Death  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello TheGary

Your story had an other-world feel to it. The scenes are well crafted, dialog interesting and rising tension well-described. I understand this is a submission for a contest with a word count limit but after, you may want to add to your story to answer the questions: Why did Jasarra bury her family under the tree? Why did her suicide attempt rejuevenate the landscape? And especially, why was there a time lapse at the end? (the scar reference)

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"It probably would not matter, anyways" ~ take out probably or anyways. You could add anyways to the next sentence.
*Bullet*"prolongued thought" ~ no "u"
*Bullet*"He emptied the bucket of water they had taken along" ~ one wonders why it was taken along.
*Bullet*"pouch of gas wood" ~ clarify this - is it tinder that catches? a piece of deadwood? what is the gas?

Overall, a good read.

Regards,
Kim
Happy Spring!
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Review of Endless Night  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello hiryuu

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A cute poem about a sleepover. Funny how sleepovers never include sleep...*Laugh* You depicted it very well.

Suggestions for edit: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Suggest taking out the ellipses, not really necessary.
*Bullet*Kinship should be capitalized. (Mom, Dad)
*Bullet*"but hey make you feel like a chicken herder" ~ "hey" could be removed. And who is "you"?

Overall: A cute poem.

Writer's Cramp!
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