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Review Requests: OFF
1,499 Public Reviews Given
1,744 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Justfaeza

Ironic, isn't it? One always wishes for a better situation but it is what it is. I like how you listed the "situation" stanzas. An interesting format.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 12 ~ "I'd".
*Bullet*Last line, "don't go in" seems off, maybe "don't walk in"?

Overall, I liked the format and was charmed by the simple thought.

Regards,
Kim
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Review of Dust and Flight  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Summer... who's she again?

A fun story! How I would love to snoop around Aunt Stephanies attic more! Will this be a series? It could be a charming chapter in a children's book.
I liked how you made the spell things dusty, spidery and kind of spooky.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*A line break when you change speakers. Easier to read.

Overall, witchy and interesting.

Regards,
Kim
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Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Writing D

What a charming poem! A well-crafted summation of a young summer. I'll bet this stirs memories in many readers, it did in my mind. Very nice images and emotions in your words, no fluffy stuff.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, I like the work as is. Everyone who reads it will say awwwww.
Welcome to the site and keep writing! Good work!

Regards,
Kim
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Review of Lex 1  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Theodore M. Harper

I have to say, I was blown away by your first paragraph. You have fantastic style, I really wanted to continue reading the story beyond this intro. The last line was superlative. I'm hoping there's more story to tell.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*stomache ~ "stomach"

Overall, a very encouraging start. Let me know when you have more posted.

Regards,
Kim
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Review of Winters Glow  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello PAPA CASON

What a beautiful poem. It makes me think of those quiet, serene winter snows. Before we have to go shovel, of course. LOL

*Heart*My favorite phrase: "White dancers on the wind". Lovely.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The last two stanzas start in "like", perhaps the second could start as "In" instead.

Overall, your poem made winter a bit more bearable. Thanks.

Regards,
Kim
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356
Review of Going Home  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hello carebear306
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Going Home  (13+)
Brian finds himself on the road home with his memories and a surprise.
#1355068 by carebear306


What a sad story! I didn't see the twist coming, good work. I really thought the man would reach his mother. I liked your description of the mother, nice and soft.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The paragraph that explained the crash felt jerky and rushed. Some polishing would help.

Overall, good work. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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357
Review of The Bet  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello buddhaamc
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 The Bet  (E)
Is there ever such thing as a sure bet?
#1354682 by buddhaamc


A truly evil story...good work. The dialog lagged for me though, it didn't seem to flow well. It felt as though the two weren't having a conversation, but stating words with their own agenda.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*uncle only 2 years before ~ two
*Bullet*Night shirt ~ nightshirt
*Bullet*The story needs some grammar and format edit. It helps to have line breaks when you change speakers in dialog.

Overall, a unique plot idea. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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358
Review of Winterpass  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello C. Anthony
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Winterpass  (E)
Short story contest
#1354606 by C. Anthony


An excellent entry. I was surprised. I kept thinking, no other survivors? No carnage? I liked how the enlightenment was gradual, until your last paragraph. Well done.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*wrist watch ~ one word, wristwatch


Overall, very good work. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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359
Review of Today, Tomorrow  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello LilyMom
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Today, Tomorrow  (13+)
Based on a photo, a man begins again
#1352299 by LilyMom


The beginning of the story reminded me of the start of the Twilight Zone...that disembodied voice speaking to the audience.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"How with tomato sauce and mashed ~ hot
*Bullet*It's now made here thoughm Mel can cook a meal ~ not, though
*Bullet*The story seemed to ramble a bit as Robert got into town.

Overall, I hope you continue your story, it seemed like a fairly good start. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
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360
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello John T NightOwl
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 We Always Have Today  (E)
A collections of submissions written for various writing contest
#1352332 by John T NightOwl


What a sad ending to a happy reunion!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*soft emerald hills against the clear azure skies all puffy with cotton candy clouds ~ This feels a bit purple-prosey.
*Bullet* I was more so thinking of me, me and him playing catch with ~ Suggest: I was thinking of me. Thinking of he and I playing catch...
*Bullet*There was a definite tone of surprise in her voice. Don't tell this, show it.
*Bullet*Perhaps you should repost this as a static, not a folder.

Overall, good work, it made me want to read more. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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361
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello BillPiper
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Traveling Inspirations  (E)
Grandparents meet through a traveling stranger. Nice Story
#1351535 by BillPiper


A story of serendipity! Who was that man with the suitcase?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*afternoon light reflected off the tray and into my eyes, which required me to adjust my chair slightly. ~ I shifted to avoid the afternoon sun reflecting off the tray. Simplify.
*Bullet*He removed his small brown suitcase and shook my hand. ~ From? To?

Overall, I liked the clever twists in the story and your point of view. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
362
362
Review of "Palouse Country"  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello whimzician
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 "Palouse Country"  (E)
Man Leaves Home; Man Comes Back Home...How Life Changed...or Did It?
#1341864 by whimzician


This felt more like a prologue than a short story. A country boy experiences the big city.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I didn't know much more about your character than what he wore and his observations. Why did he want higher education?

Overall, a good beginning. I wanted to read more.

Regards,
Kim
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Review of The Last Look  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)

Hello Dorianne
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 The Last Look  (E)
This is a short story written from a prompt for a contest.
#1350829 by Dorianne


Although there was a gap and a stop in the story, the idea was good. I felt you could have given your characters more life and emotion than you did. Perhaps this was because you were limited to a word count.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*You jump your timeline from where Edward contemplates his family's reaction to his leaving and showing the reaction. No dialog announcing it or anything. It jarred the smoothness of the story.
*Bullet*I believe Navy should be capitalized.
*Bullet*raised his had to be excused ~ hand
*Bullet*I think as the adult, the father would be more worried about the son's welfare than seasickness.

Overall, a good effort.

Regards,
Kim
364
364
Review of Starting Over  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Sssssh! I'm not really here.
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
Starting Over  (ASR)
Following the death of his grandfather, a young carpenter looks toward the future.
#1350020 by Sssssh! I'm not really here.


A pretty story about craftsmanship passed from one generation to the next.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*While you projected sadness at the grandfather's death, I didn't feel the emotion.
*Bullet*Paragraph four, the geneology seemed too lengthy, my interest wandered.
*Bullet*Sadly, he just let that craft fall

Overall, a nice short.

Regards,
Kim
365
365
Review of The Black Willow  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Justyn
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 The Black Willow  (E)
He's been gone for so long; what has changed in his absence?
#1349039 by Justyn


What a heartfelt story! I thought your technical work with flashbacks was very successful.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Conner's cattle farm was only a few dozen ~ had
*Bullet*moved South for Pop's health ~ south

Overall, great work. Send it out for publication.

Regards,
Kim
366
366
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello kawheeta
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 The Journey Into Manhood  (13+)
For Short Shots contest
#1348295 by kawheeta


Short, with strong emotion.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*It's a shame you didn't use more word count to paint a picture...this appears to be more of a flash.
*Bullet*Instead of writing your impressions of the picture at the beginning, I would rather you had woven them into the scene.

Overall, good start...keep writing! I'll keep reading.

Regards,
Kim
367
367
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello RedCat
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 When life gets cold  (E)
When life gets cold, sometimes you have to find your own sources of warmth.
#1347484 by RedCat


A heartwarming (and kitten-warming) story. You portrayed believable characters and kittens.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Roger made it to she porch as she spoke and slowly, tiredly ~ Suggest: to the porch. Also, porch is redundant in the sentence.

Overall, a good theme of the heart coming home. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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368
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hello NOVEL-IDEAS
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 A long and dusty road  (13+)
SHORT SHOTS ENTRY A man tells a story about why he's walking down a dusty road.
#1347624 by NOVEL-IDEAS


I found your point of view interesting in this story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Why is Lawyer and Buck capitalized?
*Bullet*"A year mad I must've been an idiot to not have seen it." ~ Suggest: A year? I was an idiot to not have seen it.
*Bullet*What happened in Vegas?!?
*Bullet*"and by time it got morning I was lost" ~ Suggest: by the time morning came, I was lost.
*Bullet*"flat tire in the middle of no where" ~ Should be: nowhere
*Bullet*You remember me right the stupidest guy on the face of the earth. ~ Sentence should end in a question mark.

Overall, good work on the POV, after some polishing, could be a good story.

Regards,
Kim
369
369
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Iva Lilly Durham
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 
STATIC
Once Upon a Chance  (13+)
He was a stranger in town. Could he be trusted?
#1342734 by Iva Lilly Durham


I love a good creepy story. I liked the ending.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* If the dog was bloody, how did Jake stay clean?
*Bullet*"He touched his forehead as if removing a hat and then began walking towards the center of town" ~ In the picture prompt, he has a hat on. Later in your story, you put a hat in his hands.
*Bullet*"Actually, the Sheriff told me. He's an old friend ` You need to close the dialog in this paragraph.
*Bullet* Maybe he's interested in you himself ` Was this said aloud?

Overall, an enjoyable, well-written story.

Regards,
Kim
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370
Review of Old Dirt Road  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello JacklynSanders
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Old Dirt Road  (E)
A soilder's return home.
#1345677 by JacklynSanders


A touching short.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*You could have made better use of the remaining word count to build your story.
*Bullet*A technical detail....at first you say he's gone months, then a year.
*Bullet*"his hair still glistened like corn silk in the sunlight" ~ a pretty phrase, but the man in the prompt has a hat on.
*Bullet*"brought him home to him again." ~ "him home again" or "him home to her again"

Overall, a good story with some editing.

Regards,
Kim
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371
Review of Gargolinks  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello IGWOOTEN
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Gargolinks  (18+)
Aliens conquer Earth not with a bang but a whimper.
#1344917 by IGWOOTEN


I enjoyed your twist on the prompt and turning it to an alien story. I feel your dialog was good and really held up the story. Excellent ending!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"and Doctors from around the world" ~ No capital needed.
*Bullet*"storms nowadays were fast and violent, another gift perpetuated by the Gargolinks to prevent any large-scale farming." ~ I didn't understand what one had to do with the other. Storms stop farming?

Overall, an imaginative story.

Regards,
Kim
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372
Review of Arrival  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello hbar
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Arrival  (13+)
Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
#1343451 by hbar


The best part of your story is the dialog. I feel it comes across very genuine and true. I hope you continue this on, it's worth the effort.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*smoke from the horse ranch ~ The ranch is on fire?
*Bullet*"He looked at the home, not moving, inner conflict turning his feet to stone. Everything he possessed but his woodworking tools was with him. The work boots on his feet, sweat stained hat on his brow, worn jeans and a patched work shirt. He wore his only jacket. He carried a change of clothes and a dress shirt in his case. ~ A lot of this description could have been worked in the story instead of being listed.

Overall, excellent work.

Regards,
Kim
373
373
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Helen McNicol
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 The True Story of Jack and Gill  (ASR)
Heaven help Gillian, Jackson is back!
#1343609 by Helen McNicol


A great homecoming story. I like how you made the title work for you.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I'm not sure they had to sleep together to make it work but that's strictly my opinion.

Overall, good plot, nice dialog and a pretty story. Well done.

Regards,
Kim
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374
Review of The Untold Story  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello mwonder
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 The Untold Story  (13+)
Farm family lfe disturbed by events unpredictable, which had ...
#1343215 by mwonder


I loved the cold snowy image you showed me.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*tipped his hat and set it on the counter
*Bullet*just like the prairie wind, which was churning snow flurries
*Bullet*Edward was fourteen years old
*Bullet*Edward kept an eye on George, something to keep a watch. ~Edward felt he should keep watch on George. Conversely, George felt he could order Edward around.
*Bullet*he saw the barn door half a jar ~ ajar
*Bullet*Review your comma usage throughout the story. Many are unnecessary.

Overall, a good tale. It only needs a little grammar work.

Regards,
Kim
375
375
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Joshiahis
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Professional Courtesy  (13+)
A stroll down a lonely road...
#1342364 by Joshiahis


Good story, I do love a twist in the plot. You did a good job with your descriptive work on Lee. I could see him well. Not your typical mobster so I didn't guess the ending. Good work on the dialog.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"mahogany horn-rimmed glasses up along his hooknose" ~ occasionally I felt too much description was pushed into a sentence. I know it's tempting because you're limited with word count but don't let it become a habit.

Overall, a great short. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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