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Review Requests: OFF
1,499 Public Reviews Given
1,744 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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301
301
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Pumpkin

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

You wrote a good story, inventive with your methods of personal disposal. *Smile* The story line is contemporary with today's economy.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Being an invalid or a paraplegic for decades to come was bleaker
*Bullet*He had a job, a house, insurance, and money.
*Bullet* There was the business man, successful ~ "businessman"

Overall, a good read.

Regards,
Kim
Signature of fall
302
302
Review of Intruder  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Michael Priest

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked your portrayal of ideas arriving like a coating of light. Your character's actions of trying to see the intruder were amusing.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*An icy hand had grasped his heart as it became hard to breathe. ~ Suggest rewrite as "It became hard to breathe as an icy hand of fear grasped his heart.
*Bullet*lightening ~ "lightning"
*Bullet* bolt of lightening seemingly licked

Overall, an enjoyable story.

Regards,
Kim
Signature of fall
303
303
Review of Muse  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Mara ♣ McBain

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

What a deliciously dark story. I loved the Patrick character. I was very surprised at the shift in the story but because of his character, it worked.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Fragrant pine wreaths hung on nearly" ~ 'hung' is redundant to the sentence before, perhaps 'decorated'?
*Bullet*"those with the wanderlust were generally met with suspicion"
*Bullet*Nearly a month ago since he had released his housekeeper,

Overall, an excellent story.

Regards,
Kim
Signature of fall
304
304
Review of Soul Mates  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Hyperiongate

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This was a delightful story of everlasting love. Patrick was a well-portrayed character, a scientist without overwhelming the reader with science.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Was Sarah also a scientist? Or was this all knowledge from the Great Beyond?
*Bullet*It could have been any number of things. But it wasn’t.
*Bullet*A tall white coat with thick glasses ~ The coat wears glasses?
*Bullet*A minor format issue, the last part is bolded with a broken unbold ML tag.

Overall, an enjoyable read.

Regards,
Kim
Signature of fall
305
305
Review of Maizie  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Milhaud - Long Tail

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed reading your story, it was amusing in a slightly creepy way.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Sometimes all the brand name-dropping distracted from the story.
*Bullet*They carried her out the side, first floor exit and hoisted her into the alley dumpster
*Bullet*I'd like to see some indication in the last part of the story, that Maizie was the "floor model".
*Bullet*As far as the technician character, I wondered why you had Ted introduce him first. Would it have been more clever to have David more fussy and Ted be on the scene to soothe?

As always, a review is opinion to take or throw out as you choose.

Overall, a charming story.

Regards,
Kim
Signature of fall
306
306
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Cobwebby Space Reader Reindeer

I'm today's judge for your entry in "The Writer's Cramp - Poetry Week"  Thanks for entering!

Your poem envoked an image of dancing skeletons and swooping ghosts. I envisioned your Saints causing laughter and then fear as they danced and hopped closer and closer. Nice work.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Corpses collapsin' ~ woo, what a tongue twister!

Overall, a delightful write.

Regards,
Kim
Signature of fall
307
307
Review of Dark Lullaby  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Harvey
Welcome to Writing.com!

Hey, I really liked this little piece. Humming a lullaby-like song with the words made it special. You can feel the narrator's sadness behind the words. Well done.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The major suggestion is format. I think this would present better if each sentence had its own line and perhaps center it in the page with a {center} tag. A good presentation brings in more readers and reviewers.

Overall, a good read.

Regards,
Kim
Boo! BOO!
308
308
Review of Horizon of Silver  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello Bear Trap

Welcome to Writing.com! I enjoyed your story and offer these comments in the spirit of review, to be taken or discarded as you wish.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*As a general improvement to the format of the story, you should insert line breaks between paragraphs and when you switch speakers in dialog. Much easier to read.
*Bullet*Another suggestion would be to tighten up your group of workers. If the guys are going to haze Scott, then I'd like to see actions those groups would take - nudging one another, laughing with each other, etc.
*Bullet*Showing some panic in Scott when he realizes he's stuck in the hole would add to the fear.
*Bullet*The end would be more satisfying if all the men were there when Scott emerges from the hole, slapping his back or shaking his hand, not just a distant laughter.
*Bullet*Your ending paragraph is vague. Did you want the story to be about fitting in? Or conquering a fear?

Overall, your characters were interesting but the point of the story became vague. Tighten this up and it will be an amusing write!

Regards,
Kim
Boo! BOO!
309
309
Review of Untouchable  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Shayguin

Although the brief description seems misleading, I liked your story. It seemed full of symbolism and oxymoron.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Just some format issues with spacing in the story, an easy edit.
*Bullet*"Chick-in-Coat" seemed off base. You make the girl pristin in character and then give her a cartoonish name.

Overall, an interesting read. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
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310
310
Review of The Verdict  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello indrajit_majum

I found your story posted on the Plug Page and decided to visit. Your story was detail rich and I felt quite sorrowful when the final verdict came in.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*This sentence: "He was wearing a lungi, the traditional dress of males in Kerala." was a 'tell'. You could impart the information to your reader while Abdul rolled the hem.

Overall, a good narration of fishing tradition.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

311
311
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Nani - Blessed Indeed

What a pretty poem about the sea! I think a lot of people feel like the narrator of this poem, that the sea rejuevenates them and soothes their soul. I do and oh, it is so sad to leave.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only thing that jumped out was this line "While the sea gulls now whispered my name". I've never heard a quiet seagull. LOL They are noisy and raucous, loud and strident to be heard over the surf. Perhaps change "whispered" to "called" or "cawed".

Overall, an enjoyable write envoking nice memories for me.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

312
312
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello TiffyAnn12
I picked out your story because the description intrigued me. This was quite an interesting sci-fi story. I liked the point of view you chose, the underling men.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*It would be interesting to "know" what the boys did until their first D-Day.
*Bullet*It wasn't clear why you chose to call it "Donation-Day" since the men chose their professions then.

Overall, a great chapter.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

313
313
Review of The Bracelet  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello rjsimonson

What a charming contest story! (LOL, pun intended.) I found your item on the Reading page so I'm not sure if you place in the contest but the story was enjoyable.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*“Lee, do you like bracelets? I have one here I think you should look at, I think it would look great on you. It practically calls your name; just give me a minute to find it.” ~ Suggest removing the second "think", go with "It would look great on you."
*Bullet*"He was pleased with my progress, and wanted to see me back in another Month to see if I had continued my progress." ~ No need to capitalize "Month".
*Bullet*“I really don’t know. Nor do I care if you’re ok.” ~ Suggest a comma after "care".

Overall, an adorable story.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

314
314
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Tina Crain

What a sweet rhyme to bring attention to your subject of autism.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 7 doesn't seem to need a comma after sure.
*Bullet*Line 11 "I" should be "It".
*Bullet*Line 14 "Thak" should be "Thank".

Overall, a few simple edits and your work is done. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!
315
315
Review of Living With Mom  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Lexi Butterfly ~♥

Welcome to the site! I liked your amusing poem about a parent and son's point of view. I chuckled when reading it.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Your brief description below the title: "but" should be "butt" if you meant his backside. *Wink*
*Bullet*Second couplet: "hobbie" should be "hobby"
*Bullet*Fourth pair: "apartment" should be "apartment"
*Bullet*Sixth group: "collage" should be "college"
*Bullet*Eighth couplet: "mucsules" should be "muscles"
*Bullet*It's very helpful to do a spell check on your item, it's on the black bar below the title /Spell/.

Overall, adorable write. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
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316
316
Review of Frontispiece  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello MelanieD

What an amusing write! I liked the format of the poem, it felt right for the subject.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Vibrissa" would only be one hair, wouldn't it be "vibrissae" for more?
*Bullet*I'm not sure "mustacchio" is spelled correctly.

Overall, a delightful read.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1549526 Unavailable **
317
317
Review of Tempest  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Ken
I like how your work often contains a smile. It makes a reader want to go on and read another, and another. *Smile* This poem was a good example of onomatopoeia. The toilet part, true and amusing. Have you been in a tornado?

No suggestions for edit *Cut*.

Overall, good work fitting in the required words and making it rhyme. Not always an easy feat...lol.
Write on!

Regards,
Kim
A March signature.
318
318
Review of JOHNNY  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello RICH

This is delightfully amusing and I'd love to read more about your precocious Johnny.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some technical clean up, spacing issues throughout.
*Bullet*The canary part was very funny! *Laugh*
*Bullet*The candles part, would the students call the teacher "Teach"? Hard to say.

Overall, precious and funny.

Regards,
Kim
A March signature.
319
319
Review of nobody's baby  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Wink

A fanciful description of the fun before a shotgun wedding. In very few words you painted a lifetime picture. I liked the phrase "Ferris wheel kiss".

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*First line, caps in bABY.
*Bullet*Last line, the rest of the poem is double spaced so the single spacing feels off.

Overall, you painted an interesting picture.

Regards,
Kim
Sig which I animated.
320
320
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon
And adorable poem! Who know budgies could be the masters of horror?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"death by paper cut" ~ Threw me off, I wasn't sure how it related to the birds.
*Bullet*Last line, somehow ending the line in horror would seem to work better with the previous line. Just my opinion.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this bird poem, thanks for posting

Regards,
Kim
Happy Holidays!
321
321
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello daver

Ohhhh...what a chiller! I especially enjoyed the pace of this story. Slow and calm, setting up the scene, then fast in the ending action. Well done!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*P6 - "heheard" ~ simple edit, space needed
*Bullet*I was a bit confused about the basement setup. If the intruder broke in near the washer, would he have to open the door to Rick's basement bedroom? Would an intruder normally close the door behind him? The door appears to be closed with the intruder and Rick inside, when the mother comes down a few stairs. I understand Rick's not being able to attack the intruder, being dead.
*Heart*Good angel image, and loved the little twist at the end.

Overall, fabulous story, only needs a tiny edit.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1127711 Unavailable **
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Review of Storm Beach  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Paul

Welcome to Writing.com!

I really enjoyed your portrayal of a windswept beach. I opened your item because the beach is my favorite place, even a day like you described. My favorite image was "people lean, into the wind and out of the rain". Just loved how that sounded. I don't know if you used a specific form, but I liked the style.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, beautiful work. I loved the last sentences.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284498 Unavailable **
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Review of SALEM  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Onyx: a PURPLE MANIAC!

I enjoyed your poem, it created strong imagery in my mind. I thought your descriptive words were fitting and flowed well. All of the following suggestions are that, mere suggestions that I feel would make the work stronger.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Stanza 2: "blazing ~ blazed" / "the faces all etched"
*Bullet*Stanza 4: "the bodies of the accused
*Bullet*Stanza 5: Teetering, tumbling ~ teetered, tumbled.
*Bullet*Stanza 7: "the beast with two backs" ~ A reader may not know what this is.
*Bullet*Stanza 8: "she cried back at them"
*Bullet*Stanza 9: Lengthen last two lines, ie: for this beautiful girl / with flowing red hair
*Bullet*Stanza 12: no thing - nothing
*Bullet*Stanza 13: Attach last line to previous line.
*Bullet*Stanza 15: Take out second they in line 5.
*Bullet*Stanza 16: "to pass another wretched lie!"
*Bullet*Stanza 17: Line 1 - take out "the Reverend" Line 3 - end with period. Line 4 - Take out "and".
*Bullet*Last stanza: Suggest - It was of that night / The wind whispers in the leaves. The night a poor / beautiful girl.

Overall, a great write with wonderful imagery.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1346449 Unavailable **
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Review of Winter  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Ritu

A poem with some pretty imagery. I like the phrase "dew drops shines like a pearl".

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 3 is a bit of a contradiction "innocent - naughtylike". Perhaps describe the tickling more, since you use naughty in the next line.
*Bullet*As said in comment above, "naughty" is redundant.
*Bullet*Line 5 ~ Again, an unnecessary repeat of "face", the second could be removed.
*Bullet*You don't have a rating on your poem. The rating could be [E]. Not having a rating on your item means it won't be listed on the public pages. The more listing your item has, the more reviewers will see it.

Overall, a sweet write.

Regards,
Kim
Review Bear signature
325
325
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Navneet

Your satire on Wall Street was very amusing. A shame though, that it has to be true. Perhaps your next write can be about Cox and the SEC. Or about short sellers driving a company down to $1 a share. *Smile*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 5 ~ Stunned should not have a capital letter.

Overall, a good write. One has to laugh or one will cry.

Regards,
Kim
A patriotic signature.
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