Spelling/Grammar: Since you state it is a draft I am not sure how to review it! How about I just point out a few things that I felt stood out?
1. Numbers should be spelled out unless they are a part of an address, title, etc.
2. Not sure why Benson got reprimanded by his Mom, you may want to add an explanation.
3. I can't quite figure out how Magenta managed to cut her wrists when there did not seem to be an instrument around that would be useful for such things!
Readability: Great first draft, I can't wait to read the finished product!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - down the heads of the busy people - you may want to put "at" after "down".
2. In this section - So far he had only half been - instead of "so far" you may want to consider "until then".
3. In this section - spots throughout land that - I think you wanted "spots throughout the land".
4. In this section - could tempt him to such a place as - such a place as...?
5. In this section - answered by the muffled cheering - you may want to eliminate "the".
6. In this section - Our methods our crude - I think you meant "are" instead of the second "our".
Readability: This is definitely not "wordy"! A very well-written and interesting read! I enjoy a well-rounded story, enough information so that you know and understand what is going on, but not so much that you are bored to tears. Well done!
Overall Impression: A wonderful new take on the "secrets" of Area 51!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for your consideration:
1. All numbers, as in this section - about 8 years - should be written out. The only exception would be "Area 51" as that is actually part of a name.
2. In this section - to a differnt point on the map - you may want to fix the spelling of "different".
Overall Impression: A slightly creepy little tale!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - Annie sound irated - did you mean "Annie sounded irritated"?
2. In this sentence - She said my photo accompanying the obituary - I think you meant "accompanied" instead of "accompanying".
3. In this section - She told me the mortuary, scheduled funeral this - you may want to eliminate the comma and put "the" after "scheduled".
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a few spelling/grammar errors to report:
1. In this section - Olisha has to say about. - you may want to insert "it" after "about".
2. In this section - steps to off of the boat - I think you wanted to put "get" after "to".
3. In this section - I looked up as the sky while it - you may want to change "as" to "at".
4. In this section - I took n my surroundings - put the "i" in "in".
5. In this section - recognized him as his first love - I think you meant "her first love".
6. In this section - that point the million of scientists - you should have an "s" on the end of "million".
7. In this section - they are weary of when it will happen - did you mean "wary"?
Readability: A new take on an old concept and an easy read!
Overall Impression: A wonderfully well-done "fairy tale"!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section - Monty was whinging to come in - you may want to eliminate the extra "g" in "whining".
2. In this section - manic leap forge upward at terminal - a "d" should be added to "forge".
3. In this section - was a good few of miles away - eliminate "of".
4. In this section - while she was stood at the bar - eliminate "was".
5. In this section - to the diamonds raindrops peppering - you may want to get rid of the "s" on the end of "diamond".
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling errors to report! However, there is one item you may want to look at:
1. In this section - the matter of dragon’s head - you may want "the" after "of".
Readability: A very well-written and entertaining read!
Overall Impression: A very interesting take on the afterlife!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors you may want to look at:
1. In this part - in twisted sort of way - I think you meant to put "a" after "in".
2. In this part - Kerk hear another knock - I am thinking you want a "d" on the end of "hear".
3. In this part - Are aware you have a spirit attached to you - you may want to insert "you" before "aware" and "that" after "aware".
Spelling/Grammar: I found no spelling errors to report and no additions or deletions to ponder! However, I did find one grammar error you may want to consider revising:
1. In this sentence - but he falls part of the way down and sprang his ankle - "sprang" should be "sprains".
Overall Impression: Oooo, I do like it when the bad guys get their comeuppance!
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple spelling/grammar errors you may want to look at -
1. In this sentence - Afraid her husband would find him Kim asked Julio to keep an eye on things - I think you wanted "them" instead of "him" and you may want to insert a comma after "them".
2. In this sentence - Julio's voice barly above a whisper, bodered threatening. - you may want to fix the spelling of "barely" and "bordered".
3. In this sentence - The prospects, lurching, gaging, ran toward the entrance - you may want to fix the spelling of "gagging".
4. In this sentence - Kim, the only bidder at the sale, she was able to buy the building for bargain price of one dollar. - for better flow, you may want to eliminate "she" and insert "a" after "for".
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