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Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing Open in new Window. (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello nofluff Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for writing on the theme of this month's contest. Unfortunately, your entry did not qualify according to the rules. But I am happy, as agreed, to provide a review of your work.

 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "A Path to Inner PeaceOpen in new Window.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

Yes, this was an emotionally rich, personally authentic, deeply reflective, and human answer that found an anchor in God through Christ. Christ embodied the peace you were looking for but despaired of finding in a continually, changing and chaotic world.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

You have read widely and while you refer to a great many people I have the feeling that you have absorbed many of their ideas into your stream of conscious reflection. Your view of AI as a flawed mirror of a broken humanity was interesting. On questions like this, I would tend to agree - what kind of answer you get back from the AI depends on how you ask the question and it might change tomorrow.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

Your basic argument seemed to be that peace was like a ship that sails through troubles rather than an escape from them. That an Eternal, immutable God was a more trustworthy anchor in the storm of life than a continually changing and chaotic trust in mankind. That Jesus was a light in the darkness that modeled perfect obedience, peace, and trust and someone worth emulating.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

It seems like you had a difficult month and you mentioned an experience in the ER. Your answers come from a well-read soul with a richness of reflection. You understand, in a way that some of the other contestants this month did not articulate, the human struggle.

Looking a little deeper through the broken fragments of a world falling apart flying at us from every angle, as we dodge and dive along our journey, we can see the love of God. An anchor that holds through any storm, earthquake, famine, war, sickness, or natural disaster.

You give the impression of having walked through a great deal of dirty, stormy water, deceptions, and delusions on your way to more palatable fresh lakes and clean skies. Yours is a voice that heard many of the whispered suggestions from unreliable teachers, deluded atheists, pseudo-scientific counselors and digital deceivers on the way to truth, learning why each of them should be disregarded before leaving them behind. Has that made your journey slower or enriched the voice that you now speak so marvelously with? Your comments reminded me of that famous Churchill quote, spoken in the darkest hours of the war, "if you find yourself in hell keep going!" You seem to understand the doctrine of common grace quite instinctually but also that these fragments of light we can find in other places are fragments not fullness. Only Jesus offers the fullness of truth and peace. Our hearts are restless until they rest in God - to paraphrase Augustine.

It is a deeply Christian insight that peace is not the absence of suffering but rather the presence of God in the midst of it. It is also how the bible psalmists dealt with crises of suffering and faith. They reflected honestly on these and found the Lord in the worst of struggles. Your initial vulnerability to the various counterfeit spiritualities like self-deification, the law of attraction, and self-worship ultimately resulted in a trail of broken idolatries cast overboard and now in the ship's wake as rejected flotsam and jetsam.

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

My favorite line was this one which refers to Christ:

ā€œHe never promised calm seas, only presence in the storm.ā€

More critically your deeply personal journey and rich experience of academic texts and ideas do tend toward a sort of moral relativism. In part that is a reflection of the world you have walked through and indeed a feature of our times. You say things like: Life is contrast and so are anchors. They’re deeply personal. But sometimes the truth is the truth is the TRUTH. Jesus is an anchor that holds through any storm, for anyone that chooses to trust God through Him.

Also, your style, while entertaining and intellectually stimulating is quite introspective and there is a danger you believe that truth is the result of your struggle and journey rather than something you have received by grace, and by faith in Christ.

ā€œTherefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.ā€ Romans 5:1

Peace begins in reconciliation with God not in the achievement of emotional equilibrium. We are seeking an undistorted view of God, not a simple cleaning of the glasses through which we view Him. It is about revelation not human perception in the end.

Thank you for another stimulating read. It is a shame you did not enter properly as you could have won this month's contest with this entry.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Focused on the substance of what you wrote.


Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

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2
2
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Kaytings Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Path to Enduring Inner PeaceOpen in new Window. Congratulations on your victory in this month's contest.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

Yes in a poetical format.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

You have a unique style that quite distinctively addressed this month's topic.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

This was a very personal poem, you spoke about how trauma deprived you of peace and made it seem like a distant and elusive goal. Various techniques were tried, but by themselves did not address the heart of the matter. Instead, you learned to trust, there were choices to adopt techniques but also the faith to receive God's grace. Both trust and technique became essential to achieve peace. There was counseling and a steady unpicking of poisonous and self-sabotaging thoughts that would deprive you of peace. You looked around for human examples of inner peace, Mandela and Nhat Hanh inspired you with what they demonstrated was possible. But this was a process. Today's world offers many distractions and roadblocks to the attainment of peace. Charlatans offered easy fixes for a problem that required much more. But your journey toward inner peace continues despite all this, step by step, an accumulation of small victories, a balancing act between technique and trust, faith and a hope that a dark past cannot extinguish a bright future.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

Your poem reminded me of a sci-fi film I once watched called Contact, A scientist, Ellie Arroway, is sent on a journey organized by greater alien minds and gets to view spectacular celestial events that completely blew her mind. She comes back utterly overwhelmed - "they should have sent a poet," she said.

There is an enormous amount of literature about inner peace and different religions have different slants on this. But your poem summarised very well your own experience of the search for and partial achievement of inner peace.

Your account describes a personal journey rather than the objective conditions upon which a state of deep, spiritual tranquility might depend. The Christian view is that inner peace has to do with being reconciled with God through Jesus Christ. So it is not just a subjective feeling but also a profound state of well-being rooted in spiritual realities. Because Christ died for us, the sins that separate us from God can be washed away. A way has been opened up for us to be reconciled to God.

The Hebrew word Shalom can be translated as wholeness, harmony and well-being It is a holistic concept that touches every part of a believer's life. Christians know that this peace cannot be earned but rather is given. We are justified by faith, not deeds.

ā€œTherefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.ā€
— Romans 5:1

The gift of God's Spirit, sent by Christ after his Ascension, is the guarantee of peace:

ā€œPeace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.ā€
— John 14:27

Peace is regarded as a fruit of this indwelling Spirit of God:

ā€œDo not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.ā€
— Philippians 4:6–7

There is an authenticity and emotional gravity to your poetry which is powerful. It is emotionally sincere and thematically rich. Your journey from trauma and rage to healing and spiritual resilience resonates with the souls of any who have had similar struggles. There were only a few mechanical and stylist issues, described in the section below.

My favorite lines were:

ā€œpeace rose like dew on cold morningsā€ and ā€œmud feeds lotus bloomsā€


*Quill*Mechanical issues

"Peace asked for both, the steady practice of technique, / and a leap into the unseen arms of grace." . This is a direct explanation and reads like a self-help manual rather than poetry.

There was a degree of redundant repetition in the poem and in places, it could have been more concise. This is unstructured verse but sometimes the voice of the poem was uneven.

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

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3
3
Review of Woke  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "WokeOpen in new Window.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

A story was a good way to describe the lack of inner peace, the roots of that disturbance in a lack of purpose, old wounds, and the need for a meaningful role. The story described how inner peace was realized through purposeful living, and healing in service to others

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

This was your voice.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

This was a story, not an argument but as such it was able to explore a great many themes. It did cover the question and suggest a reasonable path to inner peace.

The retired detective found a role as a teacher sharing his skills in stories. In living a more purposeful life in service to others he achieved a degree of peace and wellbeing.

The mourning parents found children to care for thereby healing the wounds that scarred their souls.

In doing the right thing Reema and Dan find a peace that not even the crows can disturb. They were able to debunk the lack of peace felt by the children and the neighbor toward them.

Peace has theological roots and is also a hope for the future when God will make all things right.

Peace was achieved in community with others.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

The communal sense of peace achieved here was helpful. You write well, as always but I did not think this story fully addressed the roots of restlessness and the reasons why a person can be at peace. I liked how peace here is described as a restoration of what sin has broken but the account did not reach deep enough into the theological roots of that peace.

I could see a bunch of atheists making broadly similar decisions and achieving similar results. This was not the peace of early Christians singing praise to God in the arenas before their death, monks preserving the knowledge and truth of the gospel through the dark ages, islands of light in a sea of darkness. Abolitionists looking for an end to the abuse of man by man in the institution of slavery or missionaries risking their lives to share with hostile tribes.

The Hebrew word Shalom does not just describe an absence of conflict. It is a holistic reality grounded in God's presence, purpose and redemptive plan. The Greek word Eirēnē expands this definition to include the peace brought by reconciliation through Christ. So not just a matter of circumstances but something established by God'grace.

In some parts of Ukraine, a man looks out of his window to see no explosions today. But he turns on his TV to see pictures of the war elsewhere. Peace is not just his experience of an absence of conflict today but so also it describes the objective state of the end of warfare. That sense of objective peace and the contractual grounds of it was missing from this account.

Similarly in our relations with God, we can sometimes feel a state of peace and wellbeing due to circumstantial factors but what matters is that Christ has redeemed us with his once for all sacrifice. Thus peace is not merely that we feel ok and things seem to be working out it is an objective state of forgiveness and grace achieved by Christ reconciling us to God. The war between God and our souls is over because we are objectively forgiven by Christ's sacrifice. We can still have bad days but in our heart of hearts, we have the peace of someone objectively forgiven all his sins. This is a state of being that we carry through sufferings and not just the fruit of victories won over enemies and pains, nor an eschatological hope for a distant future. The most powerful Christian witnesses that I recall to mind are of Christians amid pain praising God. Corrie Ten Boom from the deepest pit of incarceration by the Nazis. Mother Theresa amidst the poor and sick of Calcutta. This peace is a supernatural one that guards hearts and minds even when everything is breaking down all around one.

Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 14:27

ā€œAnd the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.ā€ — Philippians 4:7

I found your story to be theologically quite shallow. God receives incidental references at the end of the account almost as an attempt to reconcile some good purposeful decisions that improved feelings of well-being and which carried healing significance. Being a detective for Dan seemed more like a restored habit than a revived calling in which justice, righteousness, and truth were the goals. The wounds of the lost child were not given a vertical context at the start of the account, nor were questions asked in this account as to why God had taken the child away. It is only at the end that the fuller picture of God's presence and the possibility of a future with him includes young Monica. Even the evil of the drunk and abusive father is just an incidental reference to misbehavior rather than grounded in a lack of faith, self-control, and blurred visions of goodness.

This was a great story but I am not sure it described true peace.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You write so well that I tend not to notice your mistakes if there are any.


Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

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for entry "~ Enduring Peace ~Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello ruwth Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "ruwth is writing...Open in new Window.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

You answered by saying that God was the answer and that we simply needed to trust in Him and rest in His presence. The way to approach God was in an attitude of thankfulness and praise. I got the impression you read the question, ignoring the description of it and focused on the single word peace.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

There was an extensive use of Bible quotes which were mainly useful and interpreted in the text. In the case of this quote: Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise you focused entirely on thankfulness rather than praise.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

In a word your argument was that God is the answer which is true but not the whole story of how human beings find peace. I felt it did not really communicate the struggles we have when we seek peace. It was an excellent answer but felt a little abstract.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

Personally I can agree that simply sitting in Gods presence and thanking Him for all the good things He has given and praising him for all the things we find excellent about Him works very well. It gives perspective, stills a persons heart and brings peace. Of course this only works if we already have a relationship with Him, if we have accepted the sacrifice that He made for us through His Son Jesus and if the dividing wall of hostility between us and God has been broken down by His atonement for our sins by the cross. So your answer really only works for people who are already saved. You assume a lot in your answer and do not articulate the real reasons why your answer seems so obvious to you. You were restless because of x or y and God gave you peace. You were wounded, stressed out, beaten down by events and yet you found peace with God. But why did God answer your deepest needs and minister to your greatest hurts? What made Him so effective where so many others had failed?

Of course as with any relationship peace is not the whole story. Sometimes there are disturbing and awkward challenges to be overcome. We can be at peace and riding the rollercoaster of life, white knuckled and our stomachs in our mouths, at the same time. Looking around we can see a world in crisis. I may be at peace but what about them, why are so many people dropping off the edge into madness and despair, how can I connect with them and find a way to share God's peace with them?

What about the charlatans peddling false religions and life coaching advice that enriches them but does not help?

Your answer was spot on, as always, but this month I felt it did not really address the issues and the soul and context of the question.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You indent quotes but it might also help to put them in italics to distinguish them from the rest of the text.


Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

"My Philosophy of Rating and ReviewingOpen in new Window.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Sandstorm  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, BrokenPen Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I saw "SandstormOpen in new Window. on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for last month. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The winner of last month's Sci-Fi competition this piece shared a Martian perspective of the difficulties of living on the Red Planet. Will the Martians survive the Sandstorm?...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Congratulations on your victory in this month's sci-fi contest.

The big picture here is of an underresourced Martian colony that has not achieved self-sufficiency and does not have adequate coping mechanisms for key Martian phenomena like Duststorms (Sandstorm is an erroneous title). The lack of Earth support is explained here in terms of it being weakened by wars and maybe also disillusionment with the vision of Martian colonization. There are no nuclear power plants or fusion reactors but rather the colony remains reliant on solar panels that are coked with dust in storms and greenhouses out on the surface of the planet. The settlers are just about ready to give up and for Ana and her son Dunn, the experience of the storm is the defining moment. They want to come home.

The key characters here are Ana who is a teacher and Dunn her son. The Martian community huddle together in the storm shelters like Londoners during the blitz and there is a camaraderie in that but also a shared bitterness and defeatism. The old togetherness has eroded with time.

I found this a rather dismal portrayal of future Martian history and not at all realistic. We already know that Martian dust storms can last more than a year at times so a dependence on solar power is a fundamentally bad design choice. Nuclear or fusion reactors at this distance in the future should both be possible as power sources. With that kind of power consistency underground solar lamps could support greenhouses in calderas and caves. Mars is rich in rare Earths and other minerals and as a trading post could possess a viable economy as well as being an attractive tourist destination. Long-term habitation might be less attractive not least because Martian children would not be able to return to Earth due to the gravitational differences. Bezos is probably right that spinning habitats are a better choice for colonists than Musk's vision of an actual Mars city but who knows what the study of the human genome and developments in medicine will bring in future centuries. Why not have some of those habitats orbiting Mars while workers on the surface exploit the planetary resources? I think I will write that story. It makes the commute home shorter and ensures the kids grow up both Martian and normal. I found this piece to be rather too defeatist.

This story gives a more positive slant on the long-term viability of Martian colonization.

 The Dragon's Cave Open in new Window. (18+)
Earth's economy is secured by the contents of the Martian Vaults. Is this good for Mars?
#2336757 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Setting aside my objections to the plot this was well written and the characters developed, albeit in a false direction. Wimping out is just not that an attractive storyline. No one writes history about the colonies that did not make it like the lost colony of Roanoke.


Thanks for sharing.



"Grill a ChristianOpen in new Window.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of The Long Caravan  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, centurymeyer. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Long CaravanOpen in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is not just a journey through the desert. It is allegorical and dreamlike. A surreal, cyclical journey of a fragmented soul through trauma, spiritual exile, and failed redemption, haunted by memory, guilt, and lost identity. In all his long journey the man is haunted by the phrase: The gods never have favored an unclean man

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is a journey through a desert, down a river, past ruins and shadows. It is a nightmare with glimpses of joy. It reads like an allegory of the life of a man who never found redemption. The ruins and the shadows of his soul are projected onto a harsh landscape of deserts and changing vistas. He is always moving forward listening to the voices of camels and captains that do not bless but rather spit indifference or judgment upon him.

You referenced Tolkien in your notes but I think there was more hope and a sequential progression through the ages of Middle Earth in his writings. Your writing cycles back to the ruined city of a broken soul as if there were no escape from the sufferings of the endless journey. It is quite Hindu in its description of this eternal circle of reoccurrence (samsara?) albeit set in a North African desert. A Buddhist would advise you to step outside of the circle. A Christian would point to a man on the cross and redemption that can clean a man's soul and rebuild his inner cities in the light of God's glory restoring purpose and direction to the cyclical journey of the prisoner of ruined dreams described here.

This was haunting, memorable, and powerful writing. Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The meditative, mournful, and mythical nature of the text forces the reader into a kind of trance. The places you describe do not exist and do not resonate in the manner that the island of NĆŗmenor in Tolkein's work does for example. Unlike JRR Tolkein you do not inspire with stories of heroes battling against all odds or with songs that stir the soul or with a hope achieved despite Dark Lords and monsters of the night. The text was on reflection a little depressing.

You mainly write in past tense but then occasionally slip into present tense e.g. ..were still far from Dwhell.

his eyes long and lonely - what is a long eye?


Thanks for sharing.



 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
7
7
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Robert Hayes Author IconMail Icon. This is a review of "Good Bye,Farewell,AmenOpen in new Window. by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A person about to die approaches the moment with peaceful acceptance and quiet dignity. Physical frailty has motivated this decision. But..

*Quill*Commentary

The theme here is that euthanasia/VAD is a kind of liberation welcomed by the person dying.

You asked me to review this and so I am going to give you an honest review. I completely reject euthanasia on the grounds of the sanctity of life, and the sovereignty of God and because I believe that even the pain, suffering, and decline that lead to a natural death have value in God's sight. Our characters are developed by suffering and our testimony continues up to the point of a natural death. I read this poem as an old man being pushed to death prematurely by a family greedy for his wealth and unwilling to continue to support him in his fragile state. This is playing God and exhibits a lack of trust in His timing.

ā€œThe LORD gives and the LORD takes awayā€ Job 1:21
"Thou shalt not murder," Ex 20:13

The voice here is of the person about to die but sometimes it felt it was written from an external point of view e.g. "As family gather they all embrace." Indeed all in attendance are co-conspirators in this false decision.

The person dying appears to have no doubts about the rightness of the decision or uncertainty about his heavenly destiny.

VAD is a slippery slope in my view that could lead to all kinds of evils- why stop at frail old people who no longer feel useful, why not kill the sick the weak, and the deformed also? Let's purge away all dissent too. Also, I fear that we jeopardize our hope for the next life by giving up on the life we have been given.

So sorry but I did not like or agree with this poem at all and could not therefore connect with the emotions you were trying to express in it.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

A look at experience of V.A.D.Voluntary Assisted dieing [dying].


Thanks for sharing.


 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon



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8
8
Review of after the bees  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Rhyssa Author IconMail Icon I found "after the beesOpen in new Window. when searching for articles on drones. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

What happens if all the bees die out and we only have tiny machines to do the job of pollinating flowers that no longer seem to grow?


*Quill*Commentary

What a fascinating idea! That tiny nanomachines could replace bees in the task of pollination. But the world you saw in this shattered mirror of times yet to come seems almost completely dead. It was a post-apocalyptic horror story devoid of life. Technology sought to fill the gaps but even that failed as there was no life left at all to cultivate.

I read this poem as a warning, we need to look after the world we have been given, protect the bees which are so vital a part of the circle of life. Our stewardship protects us from a world we do not want our children and children's children to grow up in.

Thanks for this.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Very well written albeit a little depressing


Thanks for sharing.


** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing Open in new Window. (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
9
9
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Fyn Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Progression of Sound: A Chord of SilenceOpen in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sitting in a home office the poet searches for an absolute silence. Can we tune into the sound of stars breathing or angel dust falling or simply an Amen.

*Quill*Commentary

This is quite topical for me as my contest's theme (Grill a Christian) this month relates to inner peace. Some people associate peace with silence.

Your poem described a sort of inner reflection that sought to eliminate distraction, look and feel deeper into the gaps between sounds searching for a place where there was no sound at all. It reached toward an elemental place where perhaps one could hear stars breathing, angel dust falling, or the pronouncements of the Divine.

But the insides of our heads are a noisy place and it is hard to focus between the notes in the music. Ultimately this is a work of speculation about what might be possible, about a journey to a place where perhaps no one has ever been.

From dark silence all things came, created ex nihilo by Divine proclamation but can we return to such a place and what is the value in that? Does it put our heart at peace, does it give us some new insight into the mysteries of the universe or the Divine or does it simply give us a time out from the worries of the day?

Loved this poem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

A master work.


Thanks for sharing.



 
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#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


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10
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Wissalsong Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The bus that never came Open in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A topical poem about regret for a life never lived, born of expectations inherited from a family-orientated childhood.


*Quill*Commentary

The ambitions of youth might be achieved but the narrative of family and happiness was assumed rather than achieved. The perfect man never came, the children of a happy marriage were never born and the house, the garden were never necessary. The tone of this poem is sad and melancholy. It seems that being alone at the end was not the desired outcome and the things aspired to earlier, though achieved, do not fill the gap.

This is the experience of a great many women here in Germany where 20% of women never marry and a great many remain childless. Indeed it is the highest rate in the world and has spawned a demographic crisis since the seventies. Germans are not having enough babies. The crisis is masked by mass immigration but that brings its own issues. The demands of careers and the choices of lifestyle create a society dedicated to its own pleasure and comfort but ultimately left alone. The mental health crisis is a major feature of this new state of affairs and many suggest it marks the nadir of the Western world.

Thank you for your topical poem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to eliminate some of the spaces between paragraphs.


Thanks for sharing.



 
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11
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello ruwth Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "ruwth is writing...Open in new Window."Problem and Solution for May 2025...Open in new Window.. Congratulations on your victory in this month's contest.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

Sorry to have caused you so much stress this month but I did like your answer.
You often seem swamped by the concerns of the day. You give the impression of a life that is like an against-all-odds battle to keep your head above water. In fact, at the beginning of your text, I was worried when I started reading through your list that you were entirely focused on the worries of the day. I was going to critique what you wrote in terms of you're already saved, consider the lilies of the field, none of this stuff seems like life and death, heaven or hell type stakes, get a little perspective but you critiqued yourself in the end and found true focus in your answer and I hope your life also. Your answer was so good I will use it for next month's question.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

Oh, this was definitely all you.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

I was interested in the 'method' you followed in writing this. First, you made a list of pressing concerns, then you tried comparing yourself to other more 'successful' models, and then you engaged in critical self-reflection on historical changes in your life to the present day. You received a helpful bible verse from a friend. You prayed throughout this collating and discussing and reflecting process. Often it felt like you were drowning in the mundane and the stuff that did not work out until God told you to focus on the good stuff (Php 4:8) and at the heart of all of that is your relationship with God which gives you peace. It was interesting you spent all month talking with the guy who was the answer to the problem all along without giving Him a moment to answer right until the end.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

I tried to fit your answer into the framework of the question provided.

You have a place to live, a job that earns enough to pay taxes, and a car, money to shop with and so you are not living in absolute poverty although life might be tough sometimes and just getting by requires a lot of your time. Poverty was not your focus and neither was the pursuit of riches.

You mentioned health problems occasionally in what you write and so pain might be an occasional issue. As a nurse, you can be no stranger to the sufferings of others. Pain is something you work with daily but this was not the focus of your answer either.

You are already saved so the question of sin is not a pressing issue to one already forgiven. Though interestingly while the big problem of salvation has been resolved sins like envy or covetousness can still spoil the peace of a Christian's life. What we have been forgiven may not be something we have completely worked through.

You perceived your main issue as being that you lacked a certain mental discipline, clarity, and focus. But unlike others who were also looking for enlightenment, you knew where to look for answers. You went to God in prayer and accepted Bible verses from His people. You listened to the answers and they were good ones. Focus on the good stuff and find your peace and contentment in the Lord. There is no need to covet or envy another person's life or lifestyle because God has His own special purpose and calling on your life.

From what you wrote it seems you are called as a nurse providing care to the sick, as a woman of God with a mission to bless others, as a mother. You are called to do the things God shaped you for and your "Viewmaster" rear view reveals a whole bunch of good, noble, just, lovely, honest, pure moments in a full life that makes God and His people smile and which on reflection gives you peace.

For you, the problem was simply finding the sweet spot where you could curl up in God's arms at peace with the life He gave you.

On reflection, that was a very good answer for us all.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I focused on the substance of what you wrote.


Thanks again for entering.

LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

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12
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Kaytings Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Between the Lines of Faith Open in new Window.
Congratulations on being the Runner Up in this months contest.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

Out of the four problems that the question suggested might frame humanity's problem you chose false perspective or as you phrased it confusion. Your poem articulated the difficulties in understanding what God and the Bible might be saying in complex and often confusing situations. Your fundamental faith is in a God of love who can walk into complexity and stay, you looked not for a clean theology so much as presence and wisdom, the kind of truth that knows when to whisper when shouting only wounds.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

This was your own work and fits your general poetic style of articulation demonstrated in your portfolio.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

Basically, you argued that God is love and the truth is always more complicated than simplistic theologians articulate. LGTBQ+ was a big background issue as well as the status of women and the fact that many modern issues like AI, climate change, systemic racism, and mental health were not properly addressed at all in the timeless texts. This was a woke poem from the post-Enlightenment Western era of liberals and the politically correct.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

You went for 'false perspective' as the major problem of humanity. The solution was the kind of truth that can demonstrate its worth by incarnating into the situation and demonstrating its worth with gentle wisdom rather than loud brutality. You spoke of God being just and Holy but really you preferred to simply trust that God was love. There was a lack of consequence here because you suggest biblically defined sins can never be clearly recognized as such in a complex world. Instead, the sins of our age became things like LGBTQ+ exclusion from churches, barriers to women's leadership, systemic racism, and other stuff defined by the commentators of the times we inhabit. You uncritically accepted these recent ungrounded definitions while remaining confused about what the bible might say about each of them.

Theologically the biggest problem with your poem was the failure to recognize sin and the necessity of the kind of redemption that Jesus provided. We only know that God is love because He proved it to us with his presence, death on the cross for our sins and resurrection in the life of Christ. Your poem assumes salvation but does not explain how the penalty of our sins has been avoided.

I got the impression that your hierarchy of understanding was defined entirely by your own experience. You are not in pain nor especially poor. You are more confused about what God might be saying to you today rather than condemned by His messaging. So this was sincere rather than objective and personal rather than considered. I also think that you are far from being the only person in the Western world with this kind of perspective. In this sense, you were a voice of the age which I entirely disagreed with but which I felt obliged to recognize as speaking for the many rather than the few.

There was a femininity about your poem which was both interesting and challenging. It demanded gentleness and wisdom rather than loud masculine confidence about doctrine- It wanted the reader to wrestle with complexity and nuance rather than etch clear commandments in stone. It demanded a love that was blind to all faults and never judgmental. You desired clarity but believe the world is messy and that God does not explain Himself very well. Maybe this confusion was rooted in the fact that you wanted God to simply accept you as you are without truly wrestling with who He is.

Despite the above, I tend to agree that a great many rush to simplistic answers in Job-like situations where they cannot possibly have all the answers. Also, God is big enough to handle our doubts and questions.

My favorite lines in what you wrote were these:

Not easy answers. Not a clean theology.
I'm looking for presence. For wisdom.
For the kind of truth that knows how to whisper
When shouting only wounds.
I'm looking for the courage to say, I don't know,
Without letting go of what I do know.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Your free verse poetic style is sometimes more prosaic than poetic. But it was an engaging and interesting way to answer the prompt.


Thanks again for entering.

LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

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13
13
Review of Destroyed  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "DestroyedOpen in new Window.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

Yes, you did this with a story that described a great pain, a great injustice, and then the power of forgiveness as a source of healing.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

I included two major tests to sift out the cheaters from the genuine in this contest. First was the red herring of poverty in the question list which you skillfully avoided. No major religion regards poverty as the major problem of the human condition, and anyone who equates that on the same level as the other problems mentioned was probably using a morally relativistic AI to inform their answers or had never given the matter much serious thought. The second test was one of hierarchy, in which order did you prioritize the problems and the solutions? So obviously something like poverty or pain which are discomforting features of this life only do not compare with things that might end with eternal damnation. So the sins of the father and the drunk driver were regarded as the main problems highlighted here but so also a journey of discovery that allowed the victim's father to see the perpetrator with more sober eyes and find the strength to forgive. Your story prioritized forgiveness as the root of all healing here and the solution. This is indeed the Christian option.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

Pains like the loss of a child impact the whole of a person's life and can manifest in the complexity of every aspect of those lives. But you navigated this story very well from trauma to healing. Reema's blaming, the anger at the sentencing, and the pain felt onto the final confrontation and then its resolution.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

Your story reminded me of a well-known Christian book, "The Hut". A man spends time with God in that story wrestling with the loss of a child which broke his faith for a season. Also perhaps we all know people who have lost children and the enormous pain of such losses is clear.

I liked how you managed to include all the important elements of the question (bar the red herring of poverty) and managed to sift and sort these into the correct hierarchy of understanding. Your story and the resolution were also a moving account and valuation of the power of forgiveness. Let mercy triumph over judgment as the Bible says.

This review is much shorter than with the other contestants because for the most part, I just enjoyed the content and agreed with you.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.


Thanks again for entering.

LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

"My Philosophy of Rating and ReviewingOpen in new Window.




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14
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello sindbad Author IconMail Icon . Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Sin Pain Poverty or False PerspectiveOpen in new Window.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

You answered the question by saying that all the suggestions were valid problems, and all of their connected solutions were valuable. Each of these problems and solutions was interconnected, and you picked all of them, not one. Sin was defined in terms of whatever moral code one followed, rather than in absolute terms with reference to God or by a universally accepted set of values.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

The tone of your writing was secular, psychological, and philosophical. You defined terms here and there with no effort to prioritize into some kind of hierarchy. This was the kind of non-committal, relativistic answer I would expect from an AI. It is easy to find quotes to support each position in the bible but an AI lacks the wisdom to differentiate the plausible from the improbable. For example, no major religion outside socialistic versions of humanism would cite poverty or alienation from the means of production as the essential human problem. Indeed ascetics in many religions have embraced poverty as an essential pillar of true religion. But you did not seem to express any recognition of this in your piece.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

You consistently accepted all of the ways of looking at the problem of the human condition without discrimination. There was no attempt to assess the relative weight of the problems in terms of discomfort, life or death, or the issue of eternal destiny. Interestingly, no major religion regards poverty as the core problem of humanity but you weighted it at the same level as sin. Discomfort in this life is therefore weighted more highly than one's eternal destiny in heaven or hell. You accepted without questioning the assumption that you were qualified to weigh and define the problems and map them to the solutions and did not seek a higher religious authority to adjudicate between the competing perspectives.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

St Anthony was one of the more famous desert fathers in the Christian tradition. These guys would go into the desert, endure extreme hardship and deprivation, living in absolute poverty to purge their sins. Neither pain nor poverty were regarded as the primary problem by these guys.

Traditionally also Christians have regarded false perspectives as a symptom of sin. It is our failure to obey God that generates the need to rationalize defenses of sinful positions, to conceal our guilt, and to build edifices of stone or mind that revolve around ourselves. We separate ourselves from God with our sins and then call our darkness wisdom.

So weighting the temporary experience of pain on the same level as that of eternal salvation would need justifying. An atheist might do this in terms of dismissing a Judgment Day or an afterlife for example. But you seemed to embrace a broader and more spiritual outlook and so would need to justify why pain for the short season of human life would be in any way comparable to an eternity in hell in punishment for our sins. If there is an afterlife, heaven, and hell then sin must be the weightier problem, and the forgiveness of sins the necessary guarantee of a hopeful outcome.

Similarly, the ability of a person to fully articulate reality and the human condition as it is and even to prescribe methods and values that could have beneficial practical outcomes is not necessarily going to save a person from the wrath of God for the sins in their life. We can say and think all the right things and still go to hell if we are not right with God. We can repent, change our ways, and receive the gift of salvation, It is this that ensures our long-term well-being rather than an ability to articulate all the mysteries of creation great and small. Such a capability will always be beyond our capacity anyway, in isolation, compared to God because we are merely finite creatures, mortal, and in our current state imperfect.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Your style was a little repetitive and you could have been more fluent and precise in the way you phrased things


Thanks again for entering.

LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

"My Philosophy of Rating and ReviewingOpen in new Window.




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15
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Review of My Car  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review of "My CarOpen in new Window. by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

So anarchists in full-on burkas are planning to blow up the Opry, as it is a symbol of Southern culture. An evil woman called Natalia with blue eyes and a burka disguise is the coordinator of the attack. But just about everybody in her team is not what they seem...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Thanks for asking me to review your story.

You hid the evil antagonist under a burka and all we got to see of her was a set of blue eyes and lots of attitude. You did not develop the character in this short piece. She seems a little too chatty about her psychological compulsions with Dan. Would an anarchist that selfish be so willing to commit suicide, the personality you described would probably enjoy the attention of a court case and the notion that she would sacrifice herself for a cause which
has no positive center seems dubious.

I understand that it all turns out to be a feverish dream which gives you more license with the details but even so, some things about the story did bug me.

Dan's character seems a little contrived. A supersleuth would not speak so freely about his top-secret status even with his own family. If he thinks he is being observed by drones and door cameras even more so as his house would also probably be bugged or his mobile being used as a microphone.

I am unsure of the plan. Mostly terrorists wear burkas not just for anonymity but also to hide suicide vests. But these guys are not being asked to commit suicide or blow themselves up with their target. So are they just meant to mill around the Opry looking suspicious and then disappear before the place blows up or are they being asked to sacrifice their lives? If everyone dies in the explosion then how will the presence of the burka women be associated with the cause? If the place is wired to blow why all the theatrics with the burkas, a simple declaration of intent posted before or a phone call after would push the blame on Muslim terrorists just as easily.

The real star of this piece is Reema as the rest is just feverish imagination. She was the spy who gave it all up for her family and daughter Monica. She is the one who nurses Dan and is there when he comes back to reality.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

He slipped into his best running shoes, taking measured steps towards the car in the driveway, wary of doorbell cameras and drone surveillance. - He needed running shoes to get to his car in his driveway. How long was his drive? Whose doorbell camera if he is only in his drive? So he turns up to the Anarchist meeting in running shoes also - he would have looked odd next to Kyle in his way-out jeans - one black leg, one white leg.

The figure who had spoken slipped out of the stockroom, quite unlike anyone Dan had expected. They were wearing a black, full Islamic burka. - They or she?

Couldn't care less if we blew it up tomorrow." - The explosion is scheduled for Thursday night but this makes that sound like tomorrow. It isn't as the rest of the text describes a couple of days of preparations first.

"I'm an FBI man, you're a private eye, Conan is with the CIA, Jose is from TBI… it's a sting." - The CIA do not operate on American soil in this way. A private eye is not a super sleuth government agent.

"You can have my body, but I've got my soul." - is a strange thing for an evil terrorist woman to say. It sounds like an invitation to have sex with her which is inappropriate not least for the fact that the government agents would have no desire to be reported as having demanded this by all the other agents in the room. It just sounds wrong.


Thanks for sharing.


 
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16
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Review of The Vulture  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Dad Author IconMail Icon. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* "The VultureOpen in new Window. was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A teleportation device disassembles the transportee at the atomic level and then reassembles them elsewhere. Put a vulture and a human on the platform and what could go wrong?!...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I enjoy this kind of story - so thanks for suggesting I review it.

Alec and Vic are the inventors of a teleportation device. It has been tested on inanimate objects, plants, animals, and single human beings. You used dialog to tell the history and mainly avoided context descriptions, so I was not sure where the first conversation took place. Also how they got the license to build a platform in the middle of an American Football stadium is not explained. If the university is still active how do they play football with the platform in the way?

My major questions about the piece were plausibility issues.

Even allowing for the possibility of teleportation being too remote due to the complexity not only of the atomic configurations but also the technology needed to provide instant mapping of continually dynamic relationships in a split second I have a problem with the notion of a merely material transfer. I wonder if my soul would get left behind in such a transfer.

The size of a Turkey Vultures brain would not be able to contain the consciousness of a human being. The relative size of the brains and the neuron density differentiation would be insurmountable issues.

The Star Trek Enterprise had transporters and the replicators also used this technology - but both remain implausible concepts even today.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You presented the text well and the dialog was engaging. Except for the recitation of dates at the beginning which seemed a little forced. "As you well know for the last ten years we've... well today we approach the next milestone" might have worked better as a format


Thanks for sharing.


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#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


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17
17
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review of "Somebody's Watching MeOpen in new Window. by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sheila's hearing noises, but there is no one there. What's going on?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Well, this story had a bit of everything. It all starts with a Satanic ritual of Airbnb guests in her house. This is followed by a scary intruder, the demonic hunter of souls, out-of-body experiences, salvation and even a visit from the Chief Archangel himself.

Sheila does not like hip-hop or rap, and maybe with good reason. These seem to be the devil's music. She has a carry and conceal permit, but maybe the gun she carries is not the kind of protection she needs against this kind of threat. She hears a voice in the house and calls the police, but they cannot find the devil that hunts her, nor any physical evidence that he was ever here. She has the common sense to reach out for spiritual help when all her efforts to defeat the demon have failed.

Moldoff, the devil has to be male with a deep voice and malicious intent. He has eyes so dark you cannot make out the pupils, black hair, and a black suit uniform that devils are expected to wear, and of course, he wears the required smirk and his aftershave smells like sulphur. The devil always gives masculinity a bad name and could provoke some men to want to talk in a high-pitched squeak by way of compensation, wear lavender and eat garlic, but let's wait for the other side to turn up first before making such big lifestyle choices.

Father Fred Dana is the stereotypical pervert in a priest's habit ( a statistically rare event, but a rep that has stuck on the Catholic church nonetheless). He keeps his nature concealed from all but Moldoff himself. He says all the right things to Sheila, preparing her for an exorcism, but he would have done well to follow his advice and confess his sins before resisting the devil. Yet with the wisdom of his profession, experience, or training, he identifies the cause of the presence before being overthrown by it.

You build the scene well here, describing the terror, the spooky ability of the radio to keep playing rubbish music after being unplugged and the unnatural temperature of the house and the poltergeist style beligerance of the unwelcome guest. Also, you rightly point out the ineffectiveness of a priest who had the form of godliness and the polished words of a hypocrite, but not the reality of God's Spirit in his life. Maybe the guy uses an AI to write his sermons, also.

Her prayer of commitment brings in the Captain of God's army himself, the Archangel Michael, with a sword of lightning and a voice of thunder. But then he seems to waste his more macho and undoubtedly deeper bass voice on a formulaic response to the demonic that could have come from an American evangelical. It did seem a little too verbose from an Archangel and especially with small fry like Moldoff. When disputing with the devil over the body of Moses, all Michael said was "The Lord rebuke you," before taking the body out of the devil's clutches. Sending an Archangel to swat away a minor devil seemed a little like overkill to me.

Overall, I enjoyed this; it reminded me of a story of my own I wrote a while back. Thanks for sharing.

 
STATIC
The Choice Open in new Window. (18+)
Damien has a supernatural guardian but it ain't no angel. He has a big choice to make.
#2256824 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon



*Quill*Mechanical issues

Perhaps he should have found someone more experienced to take this on. In context, I wondered if you meant she here rather than he.


Thanks for sharing.


"Grill a ChristianOpen in new Window.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
18
18
Review of Talk to Me  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Talk to MeOpen in new Window.. You finished second in this month's contest.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

Your answer was very personal and showed how it was difficult for you to communicate with others. You identified and shared the obstacles between you and a real conversation.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

This was a very unique and soulful response that evoked empathy and feeling in the reader. You spoke from your heart.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

Since you are the person communicating, sharing the walls within yourself seemed like a sincere and authentic way to tackle the question. I did not feel you arrived at a conversation with God in this piece. It was more like a conversation about the possibility of doing that, shared with a therapist, with an AI, or with the readers of this contest in a piece of writing.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

This was a very personal response to the question, and my immediate response was a flashback to an experience I had last week. I was talking with some German colleagues at work over lunch in German. My German is far from perfect, and I am culturally British. I often think in English and simply translate my thoughts into German, but sometimes the linguistic structures and culture do not allow for that, so there is considerable room for misunderstanding. I shared the fact that I did not have a car right now and did all my shopping by bicycle. There was a pause, dead silence and everyone stared at me like I was oversharing, a moron and culturally inept all at the same time. I am pretty thick-skinned, and so I continued babbling on and even had them laughing at some of my jokes, but afterwards I reflected on the experience and realised that they found what I said immensely awkward. I live in a car culture. Germans make some of the best cars in the world, and my colleagues all use cars to see customers. I do not need a car - they do. Much of my work experience is with remote connections, and public transport here is excellent. Maybe also the way I had said it made it too much for the Germans. British guys share their hearts on their sleeves with total strangers whose names they do not remember the following day. It is a friendly culture where you can make jokes with strangers and then move on to someone else. But Germans have a stricter work-life separation, and at work, they talk about personal stuff differently and are more reluctant to share with people who will repeat their stories. I have found them more cliquey with clearly defined sets of friends, often a group they have had all their lives. I find that too restrictive and a little stuffy; it is something I have never adjusted to and will probably never completely understand or respect. That said, it infringes on the possibility of genuine communication. Your essay felt to me like a British person talking and was a refreshing breath of air after too many German conversations last week.

Concretely, I analysed your essay based on its identification of the communication barriers and looked to find the solutions you seemed to propose to that. As I went through these, I was waiting for you to provide the answers, but you never articulated any. So my response to your thoughts is to provide some Christian-oriented answers to the questions you posed. The difficulties were:

1) Fear of speaking based on a feeling that your voice may sound silly, and being afraid of people's reactions.


Both love and arrogance can overcome fear. Pride struts into conversations like a bull in a China shop and tramples on everyone else in it. Love listens and speaks to the other person. If you love someone, you will talk to them, listen to their ways, and learn from them. I have been both an arrogant bull and a lover in my time - love is the better way.

2) The yearning to be understood and to connect with another human being. Someone who gets you, hears you, and likes you.

3) Going with the flow rather than genuine sharing. Being what others want in the conversation rather than being you.

4) A rich inner life and a love of writing, which allows you to build your inner cities and to live off their stories.

5) A more profound outlook than many of your peers. What you blurt is only a tiny part of a much larger worldview that would take time to explain to another. You don't think in soundbites.


Maybe you need to choose a better audience. You are quite intelligent and a profound thinker. Shallow people will never get you so why hang around with them? A book club, a bible group, or a discussion group might be a better place to learn to talk again. Or indeed a writer's forum like this one, where your thoughts are gratefully appreciated and your writing accepted as the best kind of communication.

6) Trouble hearing and seeing the other person. Too much of yourself gets in the way.

There was zero evidence in your essay that you ever really listened to anyone else, except maybe your mother, but the stories you shared from her were also about you. Maybe you could experiment with more dialogues in your stories between characters that are incompatible, with divergent world views, and where the miracle is that any words can be shared at all. The stories are then not monologues from an introverted mind but rather dialogues with different kinds of possibility and people, a clash of inner universes in a storm of explosive exchanges. Also, reviewing other people's work is a good way to consider an alternative perspective on reality.

When it comes to God, He utterly transcends all of us. Speaking with Him will always be a trip into an alien world (and I am not just talking German levels of strangeness here!). His otherness is disturbing and awkward in a way that overthrows our confidence in ourselves and leads us to trust Him and His ways. His presence, power and personality can all be overwhelming if we forget His love for us and His profound understanding of all our ways. Knowing what He has commanded, doing what He says is a key to developing a personal relationship with Him. First, we obey and then we love as we grow deeper into the mystery of the Divine. Using the Lord's prayer, the creeds and liturgies that Christians have developed over millennia are a good way to begin this conversation as we relearn what is important and learn a different language than our own with which to communicate.

I was interested in your perspective on ChatGPT. The AI would have given you structure and pertinent points to focus on, and a summary of the human approaches to the question. But all that seems abstract compared to the approach you took here. The AI way would not have engaged with your struggles in coming out of your cave in the first place to speak, it would not have given you a reason to share, nor a reason to believe that the other person cared at all about what you said.

I am truly grateful for your sharing, but it seems to be only a first step in the right direction. The direction is another person and God, and real conversation is not possible without them. I would hope that you would not hide this item but develop it to complete the story it tells. That story is waiting for real-life choices to be completed.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Very well written.


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19
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for entry "Communication?Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello ruwth Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "ruwth is writing...Open in new Window.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

To be honest, this time round, you and Apondia were the only ones to give a full answer to the question. You understood what it meant to have a full conversation with God.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

I liked your McCloskey and Shaw quotes, which were well integrated into the text. I could hear a good Christian response here that covered all the main points even though your text was quite short.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

There were no major inconsistencies or conflicts in your argument. These were the words of a believer properly using her Christian resources to describe how communication is possible. On a secular level, we undo Babel with listening. We can talk to God because Jesus opened a door for us to do that, because the Spirit enables us to do that and because God Himself authors that possibility in our lives.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

This was too short, but it was really good and to the point. I wrestled with giving you the victory this time for simply answering the question better than everyone else. But the point of the Grill a Christian contest is to get non-Christians talking about faith, to open doors for them to walk through. You are already through the door. Also, the other entrants put a lot more work into their entries, and there was far more creativity in style in the two non-Christians. Yours and Apondias' entries presented me with a quandry, though, as you both accepted that God was real and both have active prayer lives. Can I award a non-Christian who writes brilliantly but is ultimately asserting misconceptions about the Divine and has not yet been redeemed from sins that separate them from God over a Christian who gets what talking to God is all about? How can someone who does not talk to God or indeed listen to Him win a contest on communication?

In the end, I chose to award sincerity and beauty over accuracy and true faith because this contest is more about opening doors to those outside the church than it is about affirming those within it. My motive here is love and a desire to see people saved.

That said, thank you for your entry.

One thing I missed in your entry was how being made in the Image of God unites people both with each other and with God. Because we all image the same God, because we have His attributes built into us we have an innate capacity to understand each other. This capacity has been marred by sin but is still the basis of mutual understanding. We were created to relate to each other and God.

You identified the problem in terms of God confusing the languages at Babel and thereby scattering the peoples across the planet. In doing so, he confounded the arrogance and self-sufficiency of a humanity that blasphemously sought to usurp Him. You did not explore the why of this so much as the fact of Him doing this. Ultimately, it was our sins that created the communication barriers between us, and Babel is a consequence more than it is a cause. This is also why Pentecost, which follows the redemptive action of the cross, is so interesting and significant. Here, the Spirit brings together people who speak different languages in a shared event that unites them in the Body of Christ. He undoes Babel, because the sacrifice for our sins has been made, and makes possible a global church that reaches out to every nation.

You could have said more about how the incarnation of Christ on earth revealed God to us, opened eyes to the Divine and demonstrated God in action in human history. God's presence with us was the ultimate act of communication showing us what is means to know God, making sense of the scriptures and teaching us His ways.

You quoted scriptures well here, and the verses you used were well chosen. I especially liked the reference to Romans where we are told that the very groaning of our hearts are listened to by God. Also that we can ask God to open our eyes and ears to Him, to forgive us our sins and free us from all unrighteousness. God is indeed the author of our salvation and everything we need to know Him has already been provided in our design, in the sacrifice of the cross which undoes the sins that separate us from Him, in the gift of the Holy Spirit who dwells in His church and in the scriptures which show us how God sent His very Son to be with us and reconcile us to Him. God speaks to us by His presence, word and action and all we need to do is listen, obey and share to begin that conversation with Him.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

if you become gifted in a the rare act of listening

...turn to Him and say, "Heal me.[,]" and we can trust...

We are His Workmanship [workmanship].


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LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Apondia Author IconMail Icon. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

 
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Grill a Christian Open in new Window. (13+)
Will God fly with us to the stars?
#2327636 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Grill 2 April 2025Open in new Window.

*Quill*Did you answer the question?

Yes, you directly addressed the question of communication as someone trained as a journalist. You suggested that the Bible, empathy, and shared language meant that communication was possible with both God and each other. That our experiences, presuppositions, biases, and faulty senses can all filter our communications. You alluded to a deeper shared experience in our very design that facilitates shared communication and the insights that we bring to the conversation. You were the only one who considered prayer to be an objective reality and an activity anybody could engage in with an actual personal God. You did not attempt to explain the perceived existence of God in terms of the need to communicate, as did one entrant; your faith was taken for granted, and as a result, spared you from idolatry and doubts.

*Quill*Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

I get the impression you use AI a lot for research and to focus answers to the questions. Your collation seemed authentic enough, albeit a little emotionally flat. I would guess your training teaches you to hide feelings even when you share personal anecdotes. This came more from the head than the heart.

*Quill*How consistent was your argument?

The other writers had a more holistic approach, spiralling around feelings and insights related to the question but your argument was more purposeful, organized and sequential. You addressed a series of questions relating to the theme and answered each one in turn.

*Quill*My thoughts on the substance of what you said

You give the impression of a person who knows how to write without necessarily feeling the depths of what you share. Your words do not bleed onto the page from open veins, and they do not make us feel what you are feeling. You tell us what you think. In my view, you are broadly right in what you say, but have not tested your arguments against deep-seated criticisms of them. Maybe a machine could also provide such an answer. Your anecdotes and self-reflection save your answer from that accusation. This was an answer integrated into personal experience, but not one that brings the reader into a shared context to feel what you feel. You allude to the depths of shared insight but do not connect us to them here.

You have written a better answer to my actual question without making me feel your answer in the way that the other entrants did whose answers were inaccurate and full of misconceptions. So I have the dilemma of whether I choose a better answer over better writing. You know when a person has read widely and felt deeply because their understanding radiates in the nuances of their writing. Your response felt more like a business email, while other entrants read more authentically.

Some specifics that came up. You asked about miracles - I guess my definition of a miracle would be when only God could explain it.

Since God confused the languages at Babel, the differentiation of people by language has been a problem. It was Pentecost that reversed this trend to differentiation and made it possible that people from every land and culture could once more come together again. My church is an international one with people from every continent. But we share a common scriptural understanding, pray to the same God, and can share our deepest problems and hopes with each other, even though for many of these people, English is not their first language. It seems that what we share is more important than what divides us. We understand each other despite the genuine barriers to communication that exist in our cultures, histories, and individual psychologies. But my church is a refutation of the central thesis of the other entrants, who seemed trapped in their psychologies and unaware of how the grace and mercy of God can unite even the most unlikely of souls.

You alluded to the shared design that we have been made in God's image, but could have expounded on that more. In essence, we have a built-in ability to comprehend each other on a conscious and unconscious level because we all mirror the same God and share the same design. This design was broken by the fall, flood, and angelic fiddling. Enough remains for language to be still meaningful. The incarnation is God's deepest communication to mankind, showing us what a human life should look like, redeeming us from the sins that separate us from that, and giving access to the Holy Spirit to inhabit God's church and dwell within her. We can know and understand each other because the Bible shows us Christ's perfect life, and because the cross undoes the effect of sin, because the Spirit is active in the church, and because we share the hope that God will fix our brokenness and make all things new at the resurrection. Understanding may currently be, like love, a reflection in a cracked mirror, but we know that one day we will understand perfectly as we are understood even now.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.


Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind Author IconMail Icon

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21
21
Review of To the Everywhen  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Fyn Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "To the EverywhenOpen in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

It's all connected, it all cycles 'round to the everywhen.

*Quill*Commentary

Brilliantly conceived and executed. I cannot criticise your poetic style and mastery here.

Lines can be drawn back in time through the family tree, through history, through our biological connectivity. These same lines project forward also. These lines may also connect us to all time, everywhere - the everywhen. Such perspective is humbling, drawing us out of ourselves into the grander mystery of our connectivity with a larger reality.

As someone made in God's image, you also reach beyond space and time and the boundaries of creation. You link to eternity, and that gives you transcendence. No one wrote this poem before you did; it is a unique creation. The themes may echo Hindu understandings of the wheel of time and Nietzschean perspectives on eternal recurrence, but the way you wrote this makes the poem unique. Where did that innovation come from if not from beyond the everywhen?

There will come a time when the everywhen is ended and assessed, and yet you will still be. What merely appears cyclical will be exposed as sequential, completed, and judged. From the perspective of eternity, straight lines and clarity can be achieved regarding the time tunnel we follow from start to finish.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

N/A


Thanks for sharing.



 
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Review of Words  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Noisy Wren Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "WordsOpen in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A nasty woman leaves a man with poisoned wounds.


*Quill*Commentary

As a man, of course, I empathise. It is always the woman's fault, even when it isn't. But piercing, poisonous, stabbing, shattering, malicious efforts by this woman leave me wanting to call her names unworthy of the forum.

On the bright side, you are still alive to write your obituary.

In my experience, the only women who can hurt me with words are the ones that I care about. The more they use this power, the less I care about them. Well, unless that is, I feel obliged to care for them, in which case I pray for them and find an inexhaustible well of love, mercy, forgiveness, and generally positive resource to counter whatever tides of poison come my way. Then the experience of such encounters becomes less about being a victim and more about an inner struggle, a fight for good against evil. Whatever she throws at me, I can take. I am still here, still converting her negatives into positives, her darkness into light, her hate into love and her misery into humor.

This was well written, but was a victim poem that allowed too much poison in. Don't let the ##### win! Let mercy triumph over judgment and love over hate.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

No obvious errors.


Thanks for sharing.



 
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, SomeKindaWords Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Stone age people Open in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A political rant about inequality, cultural oppression, the waste of consumerism and missed opportunities.

*Quill*Commentary

I love political rants and especially when they have a kind of rapper vibe to them. This article came to me in an email about using senses in literature, but there was no touch, taste, smell in this.

A lot of this sounded cool but when I thought about it did not make sense. For example, what has growing inequality got to do with artificial borders. That only makes sense if you are talking in terms of walled off communities in which the rich separate themselves from the poor but the way you said made it sound like lines on a map separating countries.

One of your coolest lines was We live in space-age times occupied by stone-age people. But stone age people were not as wasteful as moderns are and were more in danger of starvation than obesity in many contexts. There were clear hierarchies, but also a strong sense of community, and this was essential to survival. Wasteful consumerism is something that, outside of rich elites, is relatively new to this planet and is probably not sustainable in the long run. It is not a part of human DNA.

Looking for a central theme, I settled on "we could be better than this, and our lives could be better than this." There was a healthy dissatisfaction with the status quo. Governments, corporations, AI pat-answers, and social peers were all trying to warp our lives into something artificial, wasteful, and exploitative. The few were living off the many and not using their wealth to get us out there in the stars. Even though we have developed the technology to leave the planet, the billionaires are spending their money on themselves instead, and the planet seems doomed by our wasteful consumerism.

But aren't billionaires driving the space race right now? Musk and Bezos, especially. There now seems to be enough momentum behind Mars trips, habitats in space and Moon bases to see these things happen in the next ten years. So maybe we should not be giving up on the dream quite yet, mankind might still make it.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Once I tuned into the style, most of the perceived misuse of grammar and word choices evaporated. Sometimes you close sentences with full stops and sometimes not.


Thanks for sharing.



 
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Review of Demons of Science  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Damon Nomad Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Demons of ScienceOpen in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The story describes a cutting-edge science project with two junior scientists as part of the team. They differ on whether their project is the work of the devil or just a discovery and implementation of natural laws. The consequences of their discovery changed the world and the direction of each of their lives...


*Quill*Commentary

Very interesting concept here and a meaty issue to apply the contest prompt to. Scientific discoveries on the level of Galileo and Copernicus overthrow paradigms and the application of nuclear fission to energy production and weaponry represented one such paradigm shift.

The contrasting reactions of the two men to the success of their research were a good way to bring out reflections on the meaning of the Trinity Test and the subsequent detonations at Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

I felt that you were more interested in discussing the big issue here than expounding and developing the characters in the piece. You had a moral dilemma, you wanted to expound on more than a story, you wanted to reveal to your audience.

Saul feels so deeply that what he has done is a work of the devil that he commits suicide. Oppenheimer's quote, "I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds," was a bit of an exaggeration as no atomic bomb can literally blow up a planet, but the advent of nuclear weaponry was indeed seismic.

You conclude on the side of Saul's colleague that this is just a matter of scientific progress. But is it? Nuclear fission is a rare event in nature, really only occurring with radioactive isotopes like Uranium 235. Fusion inside stars is the more common natural event, and we have yet to duplicate that cost-effectively. Maybe there is something wrong and naturally destructive in the notion of refining elements into artificial radioactive formats like plutonium-240, which are the more effective basis for bombs and energy production. I believe that creation was ordered in a certain way and that the natural laws need to be respected as they all have profound reasons for being the way they are. When we fiddle with the DNA of the natural order, we never do so with the holistic comprehension of the full system. Are we beginning to scar and destabilize creation with unnatural processes that may yet doom us? If so, then our lack of care and the pretensions of our intellects may well seem like tools of the devil.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Berkley - Berkeley

The splitting of the atom and the neutron chain reaction is [are] part of nature


Thanks for sharing.


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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing Open in new Window. (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


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Review of Black  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review of "BlackOpen in new Window. by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

We live in the best possible universe in a multiverse of options, where the Men in Black police the intrusions of the envious and resentful from those other universes. How can we preserve the life we have against the darkness in the mirror?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was a truly original and awesome concept. You drew the reader in with some really good writing here. The rules of the Men in Black seemed impossible to navigate, but a loving wife saves her man and the father of her child and makes the Men in Black look like amateurs.

I loved this line, which was so revealing of your mindset and the 'Kill Bill' feminism of the piece. Reema is the heroine of the piece, even though Dan also has the guts to try and save his family:

"If something happens, don't expect me to sit around like a princess in a tower. I'm armed too."

The fundamental concept of the piece was revealed here.

the best of all possible worlds."
"I thought Voltaire was being sarcastic."
-
Actually, the Christian Leibniz invented the idea, and the atheist Voltaire then parodied and critiqued the inherent optimism in it through his character Pangloss in Candide. The good guys win in your story but you describe a reality that is mainly darkness, with the vast majority of our alter egos suffering the pain and agony of inferior universes. I wonder if that makes you more Voltaire than Leibniz. In such a creation, God looks most unfair, while Leibniz did not burden his optimism with the notion that God was simultaneously parallel processing the best universe with inferior versions of it.

Your description reads "A man caught in the multiverse." But surely everyone is in the scenario you have created here. The Men in Black seem a poor substitute for Divine intervention and lack the wisdom or luck of Reema. If this were reality I would worry at the fragility of our optimal lives.

Anyway, awesome and thought-provoking writing.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Lightning flickered across the curtains. No wonder it felt strange; probably a thunderstorm brewing. - If the Lightning has started, hasn't the storm also? So not brewing. I guess the EMI interference of the multiverse matrix is the reason here, but Dan's thinking about this is muddled.


Thanks for sharing.


 
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