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2,292 Public Reviews Given
2,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Old Ball Game  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Damon Nomad . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Old Ball Game"  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Baseball, music, memory and death all combine in a magical account of a life.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This sounded very authentic like you were there in the old Ebbets Field stadium of the Brooklyn Dodgers. I understand they upped and moved to Los Angeles and the stadium was demolished in 1960. So this story is a trip down memory lane with references to the Korean War for example.

I loved how the details complemented the theme here, the songs created the mood and the feelings of a little boy with his dad. This was a last-time adventure story for that boy with a father who would die serving his country. It was a special memory that helped to ease the transition to the next life as his father and mother smiled at him from a tunnel of light.

The story made me wonder what memories I would rehearse in those final moments. Your death scene was uniquely American, localized to New York and to a family feeling in which the mother had not remarried after her war veteran died, and there was not that awkwardness of which father would be smiling from the pearly gates and which music would be playing from which memory. The purity worked, and the conservative feel of family values worked for me. It was all apple pie and sunshine but we all need to hear that to remind us of that better place where the brokenness and dysfunctionality of this world cannot intrude.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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2
2
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Lakin I found "Negative Voice: a testament of fragments"  when searching for articles on Shoah. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A child in the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum looks horror in the face and hears the story of the dead from the Shoah. Meanwhile, the ground beneath his feet heaves with the breathing of those who perished. Is this Catastrophe too much to bear, have we learned anything from man's inhumanity to man?

*Quill*Commentary

This is powerfully written and brings the experience of the holocaust alive even though it was secondhand.

I guess a great many people never really let the true horror in. They never ride in those suffocating, crowded red coaches with the victims to the place where they will be murdered. The train passes cherry trees in full bloom, a vision of beauty and normality in an abnormal and deeply dysfunctional world. Piles of shoes stolen from the dead, black and white pictures of hollowed eyes and emaciated naked forms, they were human once, if we look more closely the image of God is still there!

The crimes are too great for language itself to articulate, we scratch at the surface of this horror with superlatives and cliches but we were not there. These victims were not saints but rather people just like us. Should any human being experience what they did? It is easy to say never again but humanity seems incapable of learning from its past. 1.5 million dead Jewish children was not enough to wipe out the sins that caused this ruin, they still lurk in the hearts of people everywhere.

The image of the Earth swelling with the breathing of the dead is a haunting one. We circle this heart of darkness, tiptoe over broken glass and shattered memory but do we ever really see what is there? Maybe as you say, only a child can truly see what monsters lurk in our past.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Did not matter - this was about the content.


Thanks for sharing.

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3
3
Review of Shoah  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Willow Hart I found "Shoah"  when searching for articles on Shoah. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem about the holocaust, about the experience of being transported in stuffy rail coaches to be burned alive in concentration camps or to die by other means. This must never happen again.

*Quill*Commentary

The word holocaust means burnt offering. The word Shoah means catastrophic destruction. Both words capture what happened here

The Nazi plan made no sense to me from the perspective of their racial ideology. They had a social Darwinist view of evolution that came down to the view that the strongest races must prevail but their genocide of the Jews merely strengthened world Jewry. For example between 1933-1939 the richest and most successful Jews were able to leave Germany and Europe and many did so some coming to the USA. The ones that were left were the old, the poor and those who had not got the means to flee. So in effect, the Nazis let the strong Jews go and then purged the weaker ones. Furthermore, they activated a Christian compassion for the Jews which through such people as President Truman ultimately led to the foundation of the state of Israel. The Nazis in effect achieved the exact opposite of what they set out to do.

It was only in 1941 that the plan of mass genocide was set in motion and most of the 6 million Jews killed were dead by 1942. Before that other means were tried like crowding the Jews into unhealthy ghettos and pushing them to emigrate. After that the machinery of the holocaust was then used on Poles and Russian Slavs.

The racial ideology that put yellow stars on its victims was nonsense, inconsistently applied and ultimately doomed to failure.

Your poem is narrated rather than a demonstration of the feelings of the victims. You describe what happens but do not enter into the experience of terror and injustice, the agony of having loved ones ripped away forever, the brisk march to the gas chambers stripped naked and humiliated, the feelings that God had abandoned them nor the slow degradation of health experienced by many of the victims.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This is content-driven and could be prose or free verse, it is unclear.


Thanks for sharing.

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4
4
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Puds I found "A Day Never to Be Forgotten"  when searching for articles on Shoah. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem about the liberation experience of 25 holocaust survivors when the Americans liberated the extermination camps.

*Quill*Commentary

It is Easter time, the time of resurrection, and I am writing many years after the events described. Living in Germany as I do I have visited some of these camps where the murders took place. They are museums now that exhibit in photos, artifacts and text something of the horrors that took place there. But it takes the written text to make these experiences come alive.

I am not sure if you wrote this, your description suggests not but that does not diminish its power or reviewability.

My favorite bits included the vision of the car with the white star coming down the hill. The Americans are coming - we are free! This is how America was regarded for much of the post-war period, as a liberator. I also liked how the survivors were able to self-describe themselves as Jews again and how that gesture restored their humanity.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was shared not written and somehow correcting the grammar of people who have suffered the Shoah seems inappropriate anyway.

Thanks for sharing.

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5
5
Review of Unusual Mission  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello, JCosmos . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Unusual Mission"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

On a mission to uncover the truth Sam Adams must employ all the resources of the Deep State to find what he is looking for. That same Deep State will do everything it can to prevent him succeeding.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I used to be a fan of the X-Files. The notion that the Deep State had hidden the truth about aliens was mainly debunked by later transparency and the release of most documentation related to so-called alien encounters.

Today Trump tells us lies about election defeats and pioneers new social platforms like Truth Social predicated on the assumption that the Deep State is deceiving us and that mainstream media cannot be trusted to provide us with anything like truth. For religious reasons, I may mourn the bias in government and media against conservative Christianity while at the same time seeing Trump's initiatives as entirely self-serving.

This poem echoes a vague revolutionary reaction against Washington's Federal government but it is short on specifics as to why Sam's mission matters and whether or not it is credible at all.

Can heroes serve liars without becoming something less glorious? Many brave and capable Germans fought and died on the Eastern Front for their country but the world hardly regards them as heroes now as they were fighting on the wrong side of history. Can a mission be meaningful when it serves a false agenda?

There is much wrong with American governance right now but so also with the culture of resistance that it has helped foster by way of reaction. Maybe there is a third way to the truth.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Irregular stanza lengths, no rhyme, no rhythm, no consistency with syllable counts. This did not even read like free verse to me it sounded like prose and so I focused on the content.


Thanks for sharing.

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6
6
Review of Ink and Graphite  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Joto-Kai . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Ink and Graphite"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Our past is written in indelible ink. Oftentimes we look to change the runes we have inscribed upon the world but are our sanitized rewrites just sterile abstractions compared to the error-filled reality of our true stories?


*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I loved this. It is quite topical as for various reasons I have been reviewing a lifetime's collection of personal diaries at the moment. I had originally envisaged the task in terms of erasing or even burning all the embarassing bits. But as I read them I remembered the person I was back then, all my naivety, my romance, my hopes, my convictions. I was flawed, in many ways stupid and I made so many mistakes. I was convinced so many times that I was in love forever with the woman in front of me only to find many years later that I could not even remember her name without the aid of the text. I wanted to be this and then that but in the end was something very different.

Our stories, as you say, are written in indelible ink. If we attempt to rewrite or erase them we deceive ourselves. Maybe others will read them one day and think them silly or maybe they will connect with them and smile, seeing their own faults and dreams in the people that we once were. Our actions and decisions have rewritten our perceptions and our words many times over during the decades of our existence here. The journey is a series of tests that we pass or fail leading ever onward. One hopes upward but memory tells us that failure is built into success and our eternal security depends not on our flawed thoughts, words and deeds but on our faith.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Focused on the content here.


Thanks for sharing.

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7
7
Review of Where Did I Go?  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Cubby~Cheering House Florent! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Where Did I Go?"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Once we were young, vigorous and beautiful but the grandchild sees a different person. Who is that person in the mirror?

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Old age and ultimately death happen to us all. It is a universal experience shared by all humanity. But when you meet people whom you remember much younger it is often a shock to see timeless features stooped and shrunken in your eyes. Smooth skin is replaced by wrinkles, movements are slower and thoughts are more confused.

We label the people in our experience by the limits of our experiences of them and we miss the decades that came before us that made them who they are. I guess for a woman, the face in the mirror matters more than it matters to me. I felt my age in the pool yesterday as younger men than myself stormed past me. In running and cycling the gap is not so severe but in the swimming pool speed is definitely age-related.

But when our eulogies are written and the funeral congregations gather to say goodbye, who is left among our peers who knew us from cradle to grave? Unless we are a star of some sort whose life is documented for all the world to see most people never say goodbye to the real person, the person that we see in our mind's eye when we remember who we truly are.

Thanks for a thought-provoking poem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was content-driven free verse and I focused on that.


Thanks for sharing.

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8
8
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Professor Q . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Kirii Nostra- Daemon Faery of Clyhseret"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Fantasy about a doomed warrior Karmak McKellen whose soul is sucked out by a fairy, turned demon, called Kiri Nostra.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Fantasy is not my genre and the plausibility gap normally irritates me. But you have a good versus evil theme here which I could connect to.

Karmak McKellen evokes some sympathy. He was dismissed from the military because he had insightful and ultimately accurate premonitions about his fate. He did nothing wrong but he is marginalized and then killed nonetheless. That Kiri assumed his form to kill the dragon seems like a betrayal of the nobility of this character.

Kiri Nostra (Literally "our fog" if you read it in Japanese and in Latin) is just pure malevolence that sometimes assumes the form of a young woman. The only connection for the reader is milky white skin if you like that sort of thing. Everything else is hard, dark and unattractive. Yet she is the character that wins the battle with the tried and tested warrior. She has powers against which his sword and instincts are useless and so it is not even a fair fight.

The downward almost suicidal trajectory of this story, as a descent into darkness, puts me off. Also, there is no real conflict here, Karmak never stood a chance. The triumph of selfish hunger over nobility and skill is just depressing. Why would people want to read on? What hope have you offered that truth, life and love win in the end here and that something worthwhile will occur in this story?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

a apathetic air - an

a creature of Darkness // forces of Light - why the capitalization of light and darkness. These are not names.

before the Gods took his life - God with a capital G must be singular while gods are plural.

The North wind - why is north capitalized?

The Bane Dragon as [has] returned


Thanks for sharing.

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9
9
Review of WHITHER MY SOUL  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Dr M C Gupta . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "WHITHER MY SOUL"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Where does my soul go when this life ends? How will God treat me? What do I deserve? What will I get?

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I get your poems come up a lot on random reviews and maybe because I usually find them interesting and comment on them that trend is self-reinforcing. From previous readings, I know that you are a Hindu. But when I read this it resonated with my Christian experience to some extent also.

Maybe everybody looks back on their life and wonders if they squandered their gifts and opportunities in the pursuit of pleasures rather than higher causes. The fear of judgment for sin and of eternal security often seems linked to our previous bad behavior.

Your reflections on God indicate a God who could punish you for sins, but One also with a reputation for undeserved benevolence. I am writing this on Good Friday when Christians remember a God who sent His Son to die for our sins upon the cross. The severity of the punishment that He takes for us combines with His love and mercy toward us there. By his sacrifice, we are set free.

You appear to conclude more fatalistically that God will do what God will do and that you just need to focus on a life of selfless service. From a Christian viewpoint, this seems to ignore the benevolence that you previously recognized in God and suggests that you still need to earn Your salvation even if it is God who makes the final choice about you. As a Christian I do not believe I have to earn God's favor, just open my hand to receive it as a gift in faith. What He did on the cross for me is sufficient and removes all fears for the future.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say on this.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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10
10
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, Lilliad . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Pain is a Relief Pleasure Can't Give Me"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

There is a fight between good and evil, God and the devil for every soul. But sometimes the soul does not want to be saved and would prefer to burn in hell...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Wow, I absolutely hated this. The author describes a character that wimps out and chooses evil, pain and eternal suffering. What kind of choice is that? It made no sense whatsoever. This is an advert for self-harm, suicide and Satan worship all in the same package. It is morbid, depressing and dark.

The good news is that until that last breath, even if you feel the flames licking at you, it is never too late to turn back to God and no demon can prevent that choice however subterranean it may be.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Free verse, no discernible structure, defined by its content and lacking tone, rhythm and rhyme. This could have been prose or even a diary entry rather than a poem.

You need to choose between using punctuation or not. Your usage here is random. You use - to indicate a pause but maybe a new line or a ... would suffice better.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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11
11
Review of Garbage truck  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, sindbad . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Garbage truck"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Do you let other people dump their garbage on your life? Learn from the taxi driver...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

What a cool perspective on reality and helpful for me right now. It is so easy to give into the dark side emotions that other people dump on you or attempt to provoke in you. But the taxi driver shows us another way.

If you forgive and forget you do not carry that other guy's bitterness and rage into the flow of your engagements with the rest of the world. Let God judge the maniac you can stay clear of her dark emotions and get on with your life.

Thanks for this.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say on this.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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12
12
Review of Roots  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, K.L.B . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Roots "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Dark Scottish witchcraft poem describing evil as something established and permanent.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Not really my kind of poem but if the desire was to write dark despair and fear into a Scottish landscape you succeeded.

Your poem is a collection of negatives. Things do not mix, do not wear, do not shift, do not close, do not cease. Then personally do not hear. Through these, you describe to me a rocky, misty, windy, broken landscape in which a glimpse of Scotland is possible. But you smear the vision with dark veins, spindled bones and endless shadows.

This read like a bunch of Macbeth witches cursing the beauty all around them and searching out the guilt, fear and despair that they could use for their spells. It is tragic and hopeless and appeals to no higher powers or visions. The sun never breaks through here. It is an attempt to trap souls in the mists and shadows of darkness and make their lives as miserable as possible inside those bubbles of consciousness.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The third and last stanzas did not keep the syllable count 10-6-4 that you established through the rest of the poem.

Since you used commas you were inconsistent and missed places where they would logically apply: e.g. after black ink


Thanks for sharing.

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13
13
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Dr M C Gupta . You referenced this article that you wrote when reviewing something I wrote "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "THE TRUTH ABOUT REINCARNATION" . I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is an attempt to show scientific reasons supporting reincarnation. It is also a prime prior belief of the author who is Hindu by background.


*Quill*Commentary

One thing we share is a belief in the supernatural world and a rejection of the reductionism of modern materialism. There is a paranormal realm and as I read the list of research into the patterns that repeat between lives I was encouraged by our shared belief that our senses only reveal so much and there is much more out there.

But the broader view of mainstream science is that:

"Neither there is strong objective evidence nor specific research methods that can discover the mystery of reincarnation"

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC37056...

The main objection to the view that you shared is that most people have no recollection of previous lives. There are also a variety of alternate explanations and they are not easily dismissed without exhibiting a degree of bias and selective thinking.

Carl Sagan interpreted Stevenson's evidence relating to birthmarks reflecting the wounds and deformities of previous lives and suggested these had to do with the demons that passed between the two subjects. Despite efforts by Satwant Pasricha to eliminate this possibility the scientific world as a whole remains unconvinced that reincarnation is the only valid explanation for these linkages.

My next question regarding your text was along the lines of why would you want to justify this belief scientifically? At various stages in my spiritual journey, I have done the same on the creation debate for example. At the end of the day, I have reached a point where it seems that science is just a limited tool with a limited scope. It can neither verify nor disprove large swathes of the human story to do with our relationship with God, our origins, our very natures, the paranormal world, and indeed the remote and unmapped regions of the physical universe.

The choice in this area is between resurrection, reincarnation, and recycling. It seems that you have an evangelist's reason for sharing your choice of reincarnation. You are trying to convince others that your faith is reasonable.

We are faced with faith choices and the choice between Hinduism and Christianity comes down to an historical revelation of God in the man Jesus compared to more fanciful accounts of avatars at various times. It comes down to the claims of Jesus versus the more confused and diverse claims of the Hindu gods. Ultimately this is about who you trust more. The historical case (which is different from the scientific one) is stronger for Christianity than for Hinduism. The number of adherents and how the next major religion, Islam, is focused on refuting Christian claims in its core texts all show where the religious center of gravity in this world is.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Since 2008 grammar checkers have improved significantly. I would recommend quillbot.com and Grammarly as two free examples. You are missing a lot of commas and have capitalization errors and spelling mistakes in this including misspelling reincarnation( reicarnation).


Thanks for sharing.

 
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14
14
Review of LIES  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, wild flower . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "LIES"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Lies tear, break, kill, scream, scar and impact our lives.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

How can we speak of lies if we do not know the truth? Lies distract, blind, confuse and obscure the truth. But we cannot know the counterfeit unless we understand the genuine article first.

Lies make me think but I cannot say they tear apart any foundations I have in the truth as they are like wind on concrete in that respect. Lies do not break my heart as the light that shines there cannot be dimmed by shadows.
Lies need to be unpicked, cleansed out, and debunked but they are not powerful as to be able to kill us and we give them that power. Lies do not keep me up at night. Lies are the things that fade away in the light of day. They undermine trust and especially trust in people who always lie but for someone well versed in the truth, they largely do not matter.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Leaving their impact bright like a start - was not sure if you meant star here. Either way, the line was not that good-


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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15
15
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Dr M C Gupta . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "BODY AND SOUL--editor's choice"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Rejecting the doctrine of original sin the author suggests that it is through the actions performed by his body that he can achieve salvation. He suggests that his human attempts to act according to his conscience come at the end of a long journey of his soul by which he obtained his humanity in the first place after being reborn many times. His soul is the master, not the body.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I read this and my Christian background was screaming original sin and justification by faith in response to it. Also, a man lives once and then dies before being raised to judgment, the transmigration of souls across many forms is mythical from that perspective.

You did confuse me talking about creation and the special creation of mankind as that sounded positively monotheistic and Abrahamic rather than Hindu but then you went to the East again with the reincarnation talk.

You present body and soul in a dualistic way here while in Judaeo Christian thought the linkage is stronger. Some even suggest that the soul sleeps until the body and soul are resurrected together.

I found your poem a cultural challenge and found myself questioning most of its content.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The rhyme broke down in the last but one stanza.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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16
16
Review of Who Are You?  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Who Are You?"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Euripides and the author are drinking coffee in the tailor's store. They are questioning the decisions that they have made including moving country and failed marriages. Maybe there are no perfect decisions.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I got a little confused with the name of Euripides and Athens associating him with the great Greek tragedian during the Athens-Sparta war. But I guess the first sentence refutes that misconception with a reference to coffee. This was after all not available in the world of the ancient Greeks.

The ancient Euripides also had two failed marriages another connection that confused me, as with the reference to Carthage which is called Tunis in the modern era.

Your view on decision-making appears to be that we never get it entirely right but that we ultimately forget why. Maybe the ideal Platonic form of a decision is an over-intellectualization of an act of will. But what ideal did Euripides and the author measure the quality of their decisions? The tragedian Euripides spoke about heroes being ordinary people in exceptional circumstances but also of how the intensity of our loves and hates can sabotage good decisions, so that they go bad over time, as with a marriage that fails having started well for example.

In the modern era business decision making is often data driven with vast datasets being mined for the insights necessary to support a particular course of action. If the data supported the decision it can still be a wrong one because we never read the times perfectly and there is always a margin of error so the assessment is how professional was the decision you made and also did your results support the trust we placed in you to make these decisions in the first place?

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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17
17
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Take the Bully by the Beard"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A very Indian experience of exclusion. A girl is excluded from the temple on the grounds of her caste even though she is the one who helped to carve the idols inside it. A young man helps her gain access.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I like poems with stories and this one was interesting. As a Christian and a Westerner, I guess several cultural things stood out for me about this poem.

You talked about gods plural and the carving and worship of idols. The monotheistic faiths all have issues with such idolatry.

You described a caste system that is quite alien to a lot of people in the free West where such grounds for exclusion cannot be justified.

The grounds for exclusion were that she was unclean by her birth rather than her actions. The young man's argument against that was that she helped to make the gods within. That seemed odd to me as if she made the gods why would they be worthy of her worship at all? But he persuaded the priest by threatening to hit him.

Also, the idea that God even the gods can only hear our prayers inside a temple seemed odd to me.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Suddenly the young man stopped - Suddenly, the young man stopped

the Gods inside - the gods inside - they cannot all be the supreme being.


Thanks for sharing.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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18
18
Review of Healing Waters  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, pennman . This is a review of "Healing Waters"  by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A tiny stream leads a traveler down a route to the ocean. On the way, the sounds and feelings evoked by the waters of stream, brook, creek, river, lake and ocean heal the wandering soul. Sometimes the best of journeys are the ones that keep you so engaged you forget why you started and why you allowed yourself to be swept so deep into the waters.


*Quill*Commentary

I loved this soothing flow of words from its tiny intriguing beginnings to its overwhelming and all-consuming ending. Reading it out loud I liked the tone and rhythm and there was little to distract from taking the journey with the author as the waters grew more and more significant.

There is so much in human life that goes so badly wrong. There seems to be little rhyme or reason to these happenings but these wounding wars and hurtful endings of hopes and dreams can lead us into dark places. Your poem by contrast is sparkling with the sunny simplicity of nature and a journey from a tiny stream to an ocean that owns all its horizons.

Not that this poem is all dreamy sunshine on gentle waters. Rather you describe the dangers of the journey all too well giving personality to the waters as they develop from small beginnings to an all-encompassing planet embracing tidal force.

The brook babbles with delight and later babbles again about a slippery rock, though the author stumbles anyway apparently not realising what it was saying until he fell.

The Creek is busy with gathering leaves and is in a dialog with the surrounding trees. There is a feeling of early Autumn with life still growing all around but also the beginning of the Fall.

The Rivers swift current is well described and the power of that gives her an angry and stern vibe but she proves to be a woman of her word nonetheless. Now the personification of watery flows is joined by a Heart beating faster and a Soul that seems to be evaporating into the clean clear and crisp air.

There is something erotic about swimming over the Lady of the Lake but she did invite you in. And then you found she was a larger personality than first envisaged. She became the ocean and Nature swallows Heart and Soul and all ambition for a life outside these waters. Finally, there are only the tides and the pains and conflicts of all transcendence have been lost in a oneness with Nature.

Strangely I did not find the ending as comforting as the journey itself. It was as though something indeed maybe even the self had been lost on the way and it was only at the journey's end when it was too late to do anything about it that you see the measure of what has consumed you. It was something like looking at a single star and then suddenly having eyes opened to the infinite skyscape of all the stars in the universe at the same time. It was all too much and perhaps a person could drown in all that light. Your soul has become a wisp as if preparing to evaporate or merge into the mists over the ocean that are themselves burned away by the sunshine on the waters.

So I felt this was not really about healing but rather the annihilation of the self in the immensity of Nature. It was like a drug-induced high in which the self fades into insignificance rather than a genuine healing of heart and soul tormented by world events. I wanted to find meaning and purpose at the end of my journey not to be simply told I was but yet another drop in an infinite sea. I wanted to woo the lady and make her mine instead I find myself returned to her womb as if I had never been born.

Thanks for an enjoyable read.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I was slightly bothered by the repetition of 'way' in the first stanza. Maybe use day instead somehow.

You seem quite random in your use of capitalization. It seems you want to attribute personality to the Creek, Oaks, River, Heart, Soul, Sun, Ocean on a level with the Lady of the Lake and my Lady. But I wondered why if you were doing this you did not apply the same rule to the brook in the fourth stanza.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review of Nightwatch  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Nightwatch"  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Just after the Second World War, an American platoon conducted operations against guerillas hiding out in the Teutoburg Forest near Kalkriese. The location was well known for being the place where three Roman legions were massacred by the Germans in the reign of Augustus at the height of Roman Imperial power. Strange things occur...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I loved the way you combined history with a spooky ghost story here. The Kalkriese site is on my bucket list of places to visit here in Germany. There is a museum there called Römermuseum Kalkriese which hosts the products of the various archaeological digs in the area. The casualties were overwhelmingly Roman.

The Werwolf myth is less realistic, there were no American combat casualties after the war ended. Werwolf as a concept was meant to be a uniformed commando-style unit operating behind enemy lines not an insurgency movement inside Germany against a victorious conqueror. Hitler silenced all such planning as traitorous defeatism. Most Germans were exhausted with war in 1946 and consumed with the desire to get on with their lives. They had famine and ruins to contend with and survival was the priority for most of them. In 1946 American troops were there as occupiers intent on keeping the peace not punishing the Germans.

But I admired the way you combined the two stories leading to the Roman legionnaires getting their final revenge. So in your account, the lights become eyes and the mysterious deaths of the guerillas seem supernatural.

Jim Borrell could have been any American G.I. except for the things that he saw that night and reported to the Lieutenant. Doc resolves the mystery and despite his scrawny frame proves his worth in this soldier's operation.

The story was provocative and got me planning my trip to Kalkriese. Thanks.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Well written and nothing major to mention here.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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20
20
Review of THE CATCHERS  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, tosca I found "THE CATCHERS"  when searching for articles on Sport. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

St Patrick’s 1st XV Rugby Team takes on 900 Turkeys for a big payout from the farmer. At first, the progress is very slow but then they start to play as a team...

*Quill*Commentary

This was brilliant and very funny but also very clever. A rugby team was the perfect choice to catch these especially elusive and brutal free-range Turkeys. Every man in the team has his motives for being there which were entertaining in themselves. They range from a tryst with a prostitute to first beers, and buying a kid sister a communion dress and others.

I loved the way that they eventually worked out that they could use their rugby skill set to bring down these opponents. Rugby tackles and team play manhandled the Turkeys into the cages. This is also a story of a bloody victory against all odds that probably strengthened the bond between the players. Although since the timing of the event was mid-season you have to wonder if any of the injuries left players out of their next game. Having played rugby myself as a kid I could appreciate the language and mindset you communicated so well here.

Thanks for an entertaining read.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Grammar checkers have improved significantly since 2006 and you might want to check out Grammarly and quillbot.com regarding commas in this piece and break up some overly long sentences into smaller units.

Quotes are on the outside of fullstops or commas.

You leave spaces between hyphenated words.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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21
21
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Katye Teressing I found "The Benefits of Playing Basketball"  when searching for articles on xyz. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An essay on why you should play basketball. It helps to strengthen family ties, is good exercise, helps you think more carefully about nutritional choices, and keeps kids off the streets and from committing crimes. Students who play a sport also perform better in the classroom, add to your social circle, and help you to understand the basics of competition in sport as in life.

*Quill*Commentary

I thought this was a good prasi of why we should play sports generally rather than just basketball. As someone who played in most of my school sports teams and who also went to swimming club, tennis club, and squash club in my own time, running half marathons on the weekend and cycling everywhere, sport was my life but I was spread a little thin. I failed in the tryouts for the basketball team. On reflection, I did not understand the rules of the sport, never had time to watch people play it, and had not devoted sufficient time to learning the basic tools of the trade. It is a shame because the sport is a good one and my school team reached the last 16 of the nationals.

Contact sports are in decline in Europe in the schooling environment and there is a tendency to elitism in the corporate versions of the sports. The result is a fat class of spectators watching an elite class of super-fit athletes performing. To me this seems like a betrayal of the value of sports and your piece is a reminder of the considerable benefits of doing sports even if you never end up being the best of the best.

Thanks for an interesting and edifying read.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You capitalize Basketball when it should not be capitalized it is not a title but rather an activity.

My Dad and Oranges are also not titles and therefore should not be capitalized.

Check out quillbot.com which will help with inappropriately placed or missing commas


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, KURT I found "The Seventh Inning Stretch"  when searching for articles on Sport. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

I came here looking for how past WDC members have handled the subject of Sport. This was a funny exposee of the entertainment motive of the modern commercial sports industry. The hero is a drunk fan who invades the pitch and traces his actions back in history to a Roman ancestor whose blood-alcohol levels probably killed the lions that ate him in the arena thus saving the early church from extinction.

*Quill*Commentary

As a lifelong Manchester United Fan, I think I know the difference between the love of the club and hatred of the commercialism that has taken over the sport in recent years. The hatred of the Glazer family by most MUFC fans implies that they simply do not get the club story or the passion of the fans for the sport. The Glazers have betrayed the club that came back from the Munich air disaster to win the European Cup. In GB there is tribalism about sport, about my town against yours, my gang against yours which worked well in preparing young men for the local-based regiment system and the comradery of war. Until WW1 that is when whole regiments were wiped out and whole towns denuded of their young men. After that recruitment became more spread out to reduce the impacts of major defeats. Most of these young men played football in the playgrounds or other contact sports. Many like myself would play a sport every lunchtime just for the sheer fun of it.

Your piece focuses however on a single feature of modern sports, its entertainment value. This is the bottom line for corporations that make billions from these elite athletes. So their stories and achievements are exaggerated and woven into magnificent and stirring tales of victories against all odds. Mere mortals who play sports for fun cannot compare with the statistics of these professional athletes. Entertainment, as a focus, provides for more fickle and fast-changing audiences than those who turn up on the terraces in pouring rain with just a couple of hundred others to watch their team lose in the Third Division. The tribalism of the locale is replaced by the success or failure of the teams and how their stories connect with their audiences.
Now people script sports stories and the elite athletes act them out on the field. In the breaks stirring music keeps the fans entertained and if the match gets boring there is always the possibility of a Mexican wave.

Pitch invasions in the USA probably also were most memorable when done nude. Most men my age remember streaker Erica Roe in the 1982 England-Australia Rugby Union match.

Thanks for a funny piece. I loved the joke about the alcohol poisoning of the lions saving the early church. Preposterous but funny.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Grammar checkers have improved considerably since 2002 and you have false capitalization, missing commas, and some missing pronouns also. I would recommend Grammarly or quillbot.com as free checkers for this.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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23
23
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, loudermilk . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "Do-Gooders, A Public Menace"  was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Satirical critique of the Christian counter-culture. Do-gooders preach all sorts of things designed to stop parents who just want money, power and fun and do not care about adding meaning to their lives.

*Quill*Commentary

It is an interesting question. Has liberal society abandoned its responsibilities to the next generation for the sake of its freedoms and opportunities? Is this a sterile generation uninvolved in the future of the children they bore but failed to instill any sense of values in?

You wrote this almost two decades ago but in many ways, it is prescient of the kind of culture clash that has developed into the partisan warfare of the 2024 election. Two tribes go to war and Romeo and Juliet are not friends on Instagram so we do not even have tragic romances to bring us together anymore.

Maybe your satire picks a side or maybe it mourns a golden age that never was or maybe it is just a bit of fun to point out the absurdities of the culture wars that could tear our world apart and have probably already begun to do so. Or maybe we should invert what you said and take on board the sermon for today spoken two decades ago.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say on this.


Thanks for sharing.

Click here to join a fun reviewing group!

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review of Even Trade?  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Bandit's Mama . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "Even Trade?"  was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true...

*Quill*Commentary

It is quite amazing what you can do in so few words. This is very thought-provoking. On the one hand, there is indeed a lot of ugliness in the world. But is it better to be blind because then you cannot see it?

I think it is better to see the world just as it is warts and all because none of us our perfect and there is no hiding from our sins and imperfections. Reality hurts but with eyes wide open we can still find the joy and reason in it. Those who long for darkness and a quiet place to hide away from their pains are just wimps who have given up on the good fight, forgetting their promises and rationalizing the will of God according to their desires and intent.

Blindness is a curse, not a gift.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

Click here to join a fun reviewing group!

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review of LOVE TAKES TIME  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Maria Pen . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "LOVE TAKES TIME"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

She's been away from church for a while but hugging and chatting with an old friend restored the connection quickly reminding her of God's love.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was upbeat and inspiring and triggered all sorts of flashbacks to my own experience of church. We also belong to a hug culture but it all stopped with the pandemic. I hugged an older lady in church on Sunday who had been hit badly by COVID during the last few years and there were smiles all around. It feels like a restoration of warmth after years of distance in the church right now.

But I was not clear if you used to date the person you hugged in that church or if you were just happy to connect with another person in the church. There is a difference and it was not established here.

If you edit the issues below you will have a good story here.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

It looks like you cut and pasted this from another program hence the problems with line spacing and tabs which need correcting.

'Your here now,m- Your is a possessive adjective used to show ownership, not a contraction which is what fits here - so you're not your.

I knew that Love took time, and yet it seemed like yesterday it was here. - is this love taking time to grow and develop. Or love taking time like a thief. Or does this mean it takes time to recover from some kind of romantic love relationship that did not quite work out? It was not clear.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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