LightinMind's (luminementis) Reviews

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

I'm good at...

More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.

Favorite Genres

Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.

Least Favorite Genres

Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.

Favorite Item Types

I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.

Least Favorite Item Types

Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.

I will not review...

I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.

1

#4672959

Review of Letter to My Enemy

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Hello, Monalisa Vandercox

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "Letter to My Enemy"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A poem about addiction to Vodka and the drinker's decision to choose herself over the drink.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There seem to have been a range of reasons to drink in this poem: The pleasure of the taste, the ways in which fears and inhibitions were dismantled by drinking, and the ways in which pains were forgotten while drunk.

Then there is a list of reasons why it was not a good idea to drink. The shame that drinking brought, the ways in which drink was an avoidance measure by which pains were not properly faced up to, the dissolution of social contacts that resulted, and the fact that the drink was in control, not you.

I would add cost and the reductionism and lack of creativity of the drinker's lifestyle. Once liberated from drink you can contemplate doing alternate things that might be more healthy, sociable, and rewarding.

The choice is made by the end to be the boss over the drink rather than the other way around. Others have found that total abstention is the only effective remedy to such an addiction.

Mechanical issues

There was a variable rhyming structure which I found a little confusing.

The warmth, Burn, and Numbness were great too - remove capitals

In reality it was my only saving grace - In reality, it was my only saving grace

I had to get raid [rid] of you

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

#4672772

Review of The True Abyss

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, DoXx Stands With Ukraine

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "The True Abyss"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A man torn apart by troubles aspires to goodness and a return to a lost innocence but wonders if that is just a fantasy.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This poem describes to me a man in pain. He is tempted to describe the possibility of the good as a fantasy because he is wounded by his experiences and cannot look past them. It seems that this pain and suffering is ongoing with fresh wounds inflicted every day. But the poem ends well with the aspiration to recover goodness and innocence in his life.

To me, it describes the problem of a secularised society. Unable to look beyond their own existential experience, having lost any kind of anchorage in the eternal they are unable to rationalize any kind of reasonable hope from their experiences. So all that is noble, pure, good, and true, becomes a fantasy that they no longer have the power to reach for.

Goodness and evil are activities rather than states of being. However, torn or wounded we are we can choose to make the right decision and not allow our pain to dictate our actions. We become the man that our decisions make us.

Mechanical issues

This was a free verse with a variable stanza length with no obvious errors given that structure apart from the fairly arbitrary addition of spaces.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

#4672770

Review of Introduction

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hello, Jackson Shirrell

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "Introduction"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The story of a troubled soul, Adonis, who walks from mishap to mishap, somehow surviving, never thriving. It is a tale of pain and sorrow in which sin wears a human face...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I liked the story which was of a tragic loser called Adonis. He is punished for babe's death though even his neglect was not the reason for that. He is involved in a horrible car accident while racing away from the police in a Mustang and the tragedy there was his fault. He was very lucky about the incident with the septic tank. Almost murdered in a bar and brought back from the dead by the blood of the perpetrator and then finally forming an attachment with another human being only to see it snatched away when she was kidnapped.

Adonis is vulgar and lives on the edge. He is not someone you would want your kids to hang out with and he is no kind of example. But he is interesting and maybe enough to weigh a story onto. I guess I would hope for some kind of religious redemption for the man and transformation a sort of modern Les Miserables type tale. Leaving him in the hole with all the muck drowning him would be less attractive a storyline.

Mechanical issues

The language of the narrator is quite archaic. I am torn between the idea that this adds to the look and feel and the notion that it might make the story less accessible to some readers.

Paragraphs with spaces make the piece more readable but this policy is randomly applied throughout the story.

Much of the dialog is grammatically incorrect as it would be for people from that kind of background. That adds to the feel of the piece.

But you still need apostrophes when you abbreviate into slang e.g.

draggin'
waitin'
spewin'

pellotshot - pellet shot

like the halo of [a] catholic icon

Ain't nothin gonna catch us. - Ain't nothin' gonna catch us.

christmas - Christmas

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

#4672769

Review of The War of Three: Book 1(WIP) - Prologue

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, Blue

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "The War of Three: Book 1(WIP) - Prologue"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Tanya is a warrior who has sworn a vow to protect her people. They gather now as refugees crowding into a massive crawler hoping to make their escape to a safer place. The CUWs are coming and will soon be here. But do they have spaces on the Crawler? Will Tanya find the courage to fight for her people?...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I like the raw idea here of refugees fleeing some approaching menace. I am sure the crisis in Ukraine and indeed in much of Africa and the Middle East provides a lot of useful contemporary examples of such flights. Here you have a Star Wars Crawler and an alien enemy and set this tale somewhere out there in the galaxy and in another time.

I like the way that Tanya wrestles with her fears, but it seems her time to act is running out fast. She seems to use anger to overcome those fears but is still undecided as to whether to fight. Is that her decision if she is only a cadet?

The captain addresses a cadet as Ma'am. That requires more explanation. If Tanya is a princess in a soldier's uniform then that needs to be said.

Mechanical issues

You should separate this into paragraphs to make it easier to read. Also, some of the sentences are too long.

whom she sworn to protect - whom she was sworn to protect

As she witnesses this tragic event, he turns back the general. "How long do we have?" she asked. "Only a few minutes with the soldiers we have protecting the entrance." the captain responded.

So a cadet is speaking with a general now? So why does a captain reply?

She couldn't just stand her[here] and do nothing

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

#4672686

Review of Caverns of the Mind

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, AmyJo - pumpkin eater

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "Caverns of the Mind"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The mind is a vast cavern that is inaccessible at times and dark. Only with care, kindness, and patience can its secrets be unlocked.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Mental health is a theme of the age and neuroscience is a major focus of the modern scientific agenda. But the brain and its mental landscapes remain mysterious. The link between the hardware and the thought processes inside the human mind is hard to trace. Some conclude that thought is independent of the material world and must be considered in its own right. People like Thomas Nagel conclude that:

materialism cannot provide an adequate explanation of life because it cannot provide an adequate explanation of mind.

Specifically many philosophers focus on the problem of intentionality.

Creationists often cite the developed nature of the human brain relative to other primates as an impossible jump from our supposed common ancestors. It is the material basis of our imaging of God and his attributes, and proof in itself of special creation.

Your poem reminded me of these issues. It seems to refer to an old mind perhaps one closed off by Parkinson's or Dementia. Doctors look for surgical or pharmaceutical remedies too often but mainly these are not that effective. You understand the task in terms of a caregiver kindly and patiently offering support to troubled minds. Holding hands giving hugs and being there for someone lost inside the darkness of their own mind, frightened and confused by the loss of light and clarity there.

This was a helpful poem that reminded me of various old people that used to be in my life.

Mechanical issues

Nothing major.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

#4672579

Review of Picture This

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hello, mike_writes. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "Picture This"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Spooky poem about a time when the camera revealed more than the eye could see.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I loved the conception of this poem and the storyline grabbed me making me want to read to the end. The idea that the camera could pick up the secret history of a room not accessible to normal vision was a compelling one.

Though I wondered why the ghosts would linger in a moment of pain like that and whether they were truly trapped there or if this was some sort of psychic echo from a moment when space-time was fractured by suffering. It seemed like a big room with at least two separate beds and almost felt more like a hospital than a bedroom.

Mechanical issues

You kept a six-line stanza with a regular rhyming pattern very well and your word choices worked for me.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

#4672577

Review of the rhythm of writing

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Rhyssa

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "the rhythm of writing"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The writers experience as they struggle to find the words and rhyme to match the needs of a contest.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I found this a hilarious commentary on the experience of writing a poem. the distractions, false starts, and moments of inspiration on a seemingly random schedule.

It was also pretty true to life. I have sat for hours wrestling with deep work problems. Then walked away for a coffee or chat, or slept on it only to find a solution suddenly appear as if by magic at the strangest times. There are moments when everything is bunged up and then then the moments when

the tapping now flows like raindrops on the lane
or the marching of soldiers, or roar of a train,
and the word finally fits, and I see the dawn’s ghost
as I end the last line, save the file, and post.

Mechanical issues

You went for the zero punctuation and capitalization approach. But you did use commas within the lines to punctuate the sentences and indicate where the breaks should be. Some of these seemed not to fit.

at first as I tap the sound stutters -
at first, as I tap, the sound stutters

so I rub at my eyes, brush my teeth, go to bed,

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

#4672477

Review of FUTURE

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, Writing Pro.

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "FUTURE"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Where does fear of the future come from? The author suggests that disappointments and hopelessness are roots. In practice and good and bad are always intertwined in our experiences and the worst that could happen is that we will one day die.

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Anticipatory fear is apparently the official term for this and it is often related to low acceptance of risk and intolerance of uncertainty, something you did not mention. Past wounds color our responses to the present making us more reluctant to take risks.

You talked about hope as if hopelessness were a condition but really hope rises from the object of our hope. That can be eternal with a focus on God, resurrection, and the whole religious package, or on a more secular level, it might be related to a conviction that somehow things will work out. The secular mindset is ill-equipped for pain and suffering as its estimation of the probability of hope is more rooted in immediate experience rather than faith.

For me, the worst that could happen is not death but rather damnation. Dying is a step on the way to eternal life in my book and body bag counts are not the ultimate problem, therefore.

Mechanical issues

This was all a single sentence and could have been broken up to make clearer reading.

Fear of the future is born out of disappointments,
[and] hopelessness, because

the only time in ones life - the only time in one's life

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

#4672474

Review of Sam Adams Dies at Sunrise

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, JCosmos

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "Sam Adams Dies at Sunrise "

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Sam Adams is on a ship, outside on the deck in the rain. He stretches his legs in some pain and then dies of a heart attack. From the deck, he can see a misty sunrise as he dies.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

So Sam Adams dies in the rain watching a sunrise that will never dry his wet clothes nor warm his skin. His life ends in pain and in a final heart attack. All very tragic and natural, so fitting to the contest.

The imagery was quite good here I thought.

Mechanical issues

Regarding where you put commas and periods I would have gotten rid of them entirely as they do not really help the movement of the poem nor punctuate what seems to be the logical sentences here.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

#4672473

Review of " Can't Rush "

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Hello, Netty

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "" Can't Rush ""

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

We cannot rush God. We should instead thank and praise Him for His grace and mercy. We should ask for patience and seek to obey Him. His hands will sustain us.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I loved the sentiment here but found this to be full of grammatical issues and to be poor theology.

You capitalize in all the wrong places and this has nothing to do with emphasis. For example, Rush and Sea.

Were the fully capitalized words to do with a competition of some sort? If so it might have been helpful to say that at the bottom.

Can't Rush the hand of GOD will we rush GOD THE FATHER or will we be reminded what has been given to us. - TRANSLATION: We cannot rush God because if we do we will be reminded of all the good things he has given us. But how does that make sense? Urgent prayer is determined by the needs we raise to the Father, not by the fact that he has already provided us with so much.

To sustain or our lives and give thanks to him Him and for his His GRACE and MERCY. - You capitalize attributes of God but not the pronoun that refers to Him. Maybe this follows from the previous sentence. We should be grateful that God sustains our lives as we do not deserve that.

He says stand still to obey as he spoke to the waves and winds of the Sea peace be still.

When did Jesus ever say to us to stand still? He commanded the storm to stillness is different. We can be active and exhibit movement in obedience.

We must ask for patience and be still he will calm his HANDS will be upon us to sustain in our problems or any calamities. -
We must ask for patience and be still. He will hold us in his hands and sustain us in peace through problems and calamities.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

#4671923

Review of War Zone

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, Ranting Rayvin

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "War Zone"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Our human connections often bring us pain and are not something we can control. We search for souls that complement us, lend balance or completion, or with whom we can just dance. There is uncertainty about these connections to the point that we often feel alone, conflicted, and restless.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I both liked and disliked this poem.

Without knowing who you are talking to this could seem quite abstract. Relationships are personal but there are no names here and there are no recognizable souls. For me the universal, "every human relation" conflicts with the immediate and particular soul-dance between myself and my wife, with the deep and investigative conversations I have with my daughter as she tries to explain the world to herself and to me.

The notion that my connections can be made into a general law of interrelationship seems odd as I have no experience of those billions upon billions of alternative links.

Days of sorrow seem abstract here and contrasts with my pain of not choosing the right words to connect to my son in a conversation two days ago or being unable to say goodbye to my uncle who died recently.

Internal conflicts may be something that we all experience but this poem does not connect to my conflicts or my personal wars. If only it had been a project of self-expression I think it would have provoked a more gracious response.

Mechanical issues

But connection be is always the goal.

With it no feeling can compete. - With it, no feeling can compete.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

#4671922

Review of carnival swings

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, Rhyssa

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "carnival swings"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The experience of riding a carnival swing and having fun. The tastes and smells of cakes and popcorn surround and she closes her eyes.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This reminds me of a Carnival I used to regularly attend every year with my wife in her hometown. It reminds me of two different attractions one that swung violently up and down and another that spun me around and around very fast.

You express a half-hearted desire for conversation but the real fun for which you will queue is in the swing.

I liked this, it expressed the feeling of the ride very well and as I said triggered some pleasant memories- thanks.

Mechanical issues

I wonder why you bothered with full stops and occasional commas when you did not capitalize the sentences. The line breaks seemed a little arbitrary.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

#4671920

Review of Looper Again

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Megalodon

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "Looper Again"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The same old song rewinds in a person's head. He might be talking about an actual song or a pattern of behavior that continually and toxically repeats itself.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

A song that resonates with a person, maybe because of a painful tragedy they have experienced. Do they have a choice to listen to it or are they compelled to listen to it? Is this a freewill versus determinism discussion? Is this an earworm that continually repeats itself expanding into our consciousness like an unwanted daydream that paralyzes us in daylight? Or is a Groundhog Day experience of reality as if the same day is relived again and again without hope of reprieve or of a different future?

Why do some songs get under our skin and have us singing along and others can be easily ignored? It seems the poet has no answers just an awareness of the problem. It is eroding his faith in his capacity to make real decisions, it is disturbing and unsettling his peace of mind. How can he stop listening to the same old song?

I guess this poem raises issues for me about the relationship between consciousness and subconsciousness and about the issue of compulsive behaviors. The relationship between pain, habit, and choice is also raised.

But you could always just switch off the radio and go for a hike in an unexplored wilderness. See if the song follows you there also?

Mechanical issues

Listening to the same old song
and before [too] long,

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

#4671810

Review of Starlit Sky

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, GrewSum Stine

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "Starlit Sky"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The journey of lovers from childhood, married as adults, now separated for a short time by death.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Great poem with the story of a lifetime contained within it. I loved the simplicity of the childhood lovers who always knew they were to be together and who made that come true. The lover was by the ocean when he promised himself to her and by the ocean while he waited to be reunited to her.

A simple and powerful kaleidoscope of images and feelings from the perspective of the whole love story, but with an emphasis on its beginnings and only one verse given to the possibility of its future. This is the poem of an old widower looking back.

This line did not rhyme as with the rest of the poem and the notion of time having an ending seemed to clash with the hope of being reunited forever.

I await my time when I can join you again,
And we'll be together, til time ends.

Mechanical issues

You kept a rhyming scheme for all the verses except verse 2 and the last one.

startlit - starlit. Same mistake occurs x 2 in the poem

in to - into

til time ends. - 'til time ends.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

#4671803

Review of Meaning

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, 🐺Hunting Wolf's Moon

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I received "Meaning"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Join the Space Marines, meet interesting aliens, and kill them on worlds impossibly far away. This cliffhanger entry for a now-defunct competition makes sense of the motto tattooed on the Seargent's arm: "Don't get carried away."

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Great short story, though you started by referring to Andromeda as a system. It is actually the nearest galaxy to our own.

For such a short story you did well introducing new slang like Squints for example while using standard military slang like SNAFU to build the context. I am guessing the bolded words are the ones you had to use for the competition.

Pandora was a clever name for a planet that clearly had more terrors than hope but because you left it open how this would turn out we do not know which will triumph.

Mechanical issues

A empathetic nature-based society - An empathetic nature-based society

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

#4671802

Review of It Takes Time....

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, Izzy's Writing

. This is a review of "It Takes Time...."

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

She was lost in a gray world, a world of gloom and despair. But then he came and lifted her out, turned her broken pieces into stained glass windows, and taught her to hope and love again. It took some time but he has patiently brought healing to her life.

Commentary

It is not clear in the first paragraph who you are talking to. It only becomes clear in later paragraphs. This then reads like a personal love letter and an affirmation of a lover who seems to complement you perfectly. You are in effect revealing how this man has made you feel and what he has done for you. The only qualities you comment on here are qualities that work for you. The way he emerges into visibility is also from your own feelings and experiences.

If I received this letter I would be a little concerned about the comparisons with previous lovers. To what extent do they still determine your thinking even by way of reaction? You love your new man because he is not the last guy sort of thing.

That said he is ice to your fire and he calms your storm. A man with self-control and the wisdom to know how to help you. He manages your transition from grey to color, from broken pieces to stained glass windows (loved this sentence by the way.) He has brought hope and the world is no longer gloomy because of him. He lifts you out of your pain and into a new sunlit perspective where you can hope again, live again, and love again.

Your description of the continual tendency to recycle painful and self-defeating habits reminded me of the following blonde joke. Sorry, my wife is blonde and I tell them to her all the time.

How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?

Tell her to follow the instructions on the shampoo bottle, rinse wash, and repeat...

You followed a paragraph where you were lost in the mud .... with the view that things had been fairly ok which seems a little jarring.

I am not sure the image of the fire extinguisher works for a love letter. The man who puts out the flames of passion rather than the one who ignites them. The man who waits for you to burn at the appropriate moment rather than fanning the flames himself. That kind of gives you all the initiative and his power is only to decide the timing by saying yes or no. You avoid burnout but he has to respond to passion on demand, that sounds like a raw deal for the man. From a guy's perspective, I would wonder how sustainable that was for him and how he managed his own needs and desires. But that said you are talking about what he does for you and how that works so well given your own history and personality.

This is a man who has made a positive impact on your life and lifted you from dark to light and from fear to hope. But this love letter makes me wonder if you really know the man in himself. He is heavily filtered through your own feelings and needs here.

Mechanical issues

You use the word "I" too much for a love letter.

sometime - some time

Even on the days where when I’m gloomy

there’s brighter days ahead - days are plural so there are not there is.

I’ve learned that from you, that hope can diminish, but not totally disappear

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

#4670574

Review of Power

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Hello, Ajani Mgo

I found "Power"

when searching for articles on Monarchy. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The author discusses the historical development of power and how it has manifested. He asserts that there has been a decline in theological understandings of the roots of power and a rise in more secular and materialistic understandings based on human freedom. In recent years Mammon has risen to increasingly enslave humanity under its yoke.

Commentary

It was great you attempted such an ambitious undertaking as a history of power. But you made a great many untested claims which are demonstrably false e.g. about the inevitable demise of the religious mindset at a time when it is growing more prevalent globally.

The death of God has been widely reported time and again throughout history and every time refuted. People are in fact now more religious than they have ever been on a global scale and it is becoming easier to ignore the significance of various secular bubbles. Even in the supposedly secular West a majority identify as religious. The recent death of Queen Elizabeth II has unleashed a tsunami of love around the world in response to her Christian witness and life. So the theological roots of power remain intact even if pagan mythologies, atheist worldviews, and false religions litter the landscape like ruins after the apocalypse.

Despite atheism being a minority concern on a global scale and having failed miserably in its various more violent manifestations e.g. communism, and Nietzscheanism, there are some who still cling to this reductionist and hopeless worldview. Its latest manifestations include forms that elevate liberal free choices and science or individualistic imagination as positive values. In practice, most godless societies tend towards materialism, and Mammon worship and are unenlightened by higher forms of humanity in which love, compassion, nobility, honesty, and rationality are shaped by a broader world view including the religious. The ex-Communist societies are a perfect example and are still deeply wounded by the experience of the evil empire that atheists spawned. Selfish individualism rather than true freedom is the most likely consequence of atheist ideologies in the current West. In Communist China more oppressive communal forms of atheism hold sway.

I felt this article was rather dismissive of the Judaeo-Christian God and did not really explain its rejection fully. Given the continued growth and success of Abrahamic religions, this was essential to give this article any global historical credibility. Rather it reads like one of those distorted accounts that Western academia occasionally generates from their bubbles of foolishness and is completely disconnected from the real world.

Some of the most advanced and technologically innovative societies in the world today have a great many Christians in them not least Britain which has perhaps surprised the secular world with its outpouring of religious fervor as it remembers Queen Elizabeth these past few days.

Mechanical issues

A good grammar checker would help reveal a great many missing commas and issues with this text. Try Grammarly for example. Below are just some examples of the errors I found as there were too many to list all of them. This is where you lost most of your stars for this article.

does one entity ever stay immortalized in the eyes of mortal man. - does one entity ever stay immortalized in the eyes of mortal man?

Yet despite of the many forms and guises this mystical fascination may take, few actually can understand its true nature, which, fortunately, or unfortunately, has led to this entity - Power to have slipped away from the hands of those who would have held it once, to those who would dare not dream of having it before it finally came down to them. - sentence is too long and has errors highlighted, also missing commas.

to reflect on where they had came from - to reflect on where they had come from

Chinese emperors in their golden throne as they look upon their subjects bowed down before them - Chinese emperors on their golden thrones looking down upon their subjects bowed before them

They were the ones who had been at the forefront, against all odds physical, mental or psychological, bringing their people from a backward existence to become a strong nation among Man, surpassing all others of their time in all areas of civilization. - Again too long and missing commas

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

#4670571

Review of Monarchy and democracy

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, rabbit

I found " Monarchy and democracy"

when searching for articles on Monarchy. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The author discusses the value of monarchy and democracy in the context of Taiwan. He can see that both can be abused with democracies favoring minorities or monarchies degenerating into tyrannies. A monarch can potentially focus the resources of the nation on its priorities but democracies are better guarantors of the people's involvement in the political process. There is no perfect form of government but can we find a balance between these various forms that eliminate the scandals and perverse forms of either?

Commentary

This is quite topical right now as we consider the challenge of totalitarian regimes like Russia or China to the model of Western democracy that has dominated the world order for most of the last 77 years. The death of Queen Elizabeth and the tsunami of grief and love that are encircling the globe in response to this event also illustrate the enduring power of monarchy throughout the world.

In Taiwan, the prospect of invasion by China and absorption back into it looms. This might well end the brief experience of freedom that its inhabitants have enjoyed. In response to that threat, the temptations of autocracy as a more efficient way to coordinate the security concerns of the nation are also real.

Looking around the world we can see how democracies can conceal all sorts of corruption and the increasing consolidation of power in Russia, India, and China does not bode well for its future. North America and Europe remain strongholds of democracy but in some ways, the processes do favor certain minorities over the broad mass of the people in these places and there are a great many scandals also. Lobby groups paralyze American politics for example which is increasingly unable to fix deep-seated issues such as affordable healthcare.

Democracy in the UK is strong enough to embrace the color, majesty, and unity that monarchy adds to its culture without worrying about a return to tyranny. The democratic and non-democratic institutions of the country function cooperatively to produce a functioning result.

I found this an interesting discussion that raised a lot of important questions while being very careful not to offend Chinese sensibilities over your country. You could have grounded it in more concrete examples to add some clarity on your points however and there were a lot of mechanical errors of which the below are just examples.

Mechanical issues

I would recommend the use of a grammar tool as this text is full of mistakes. Grammarly is quite good for example. Just to illustrate:

According to the Wikipedia

the right of decision making belongs to all people rather than [a] single one person.

adherants - adherents

But Taiwan only allows legislative decisions just the same as other democratic countries.

Also states by Wikipedia - Wikipedia also states

In [a] republic

In republic, the head of state is normally elected for a certain amount of time. Or, the head of state wouldn’t stay on the position for life.

In a republic, the head of state is normally elected for a period of time. They do not stay in the position for life.

Most of the monarches serve as a symbal of continuity and statehood. - Most of the monarchies serve as a symbol of continuity and statehood.

machinism - mechanism

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

#4670570

Review of The Monarchy

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, Heleny

I found "The Monarchy"

when searching for articles on Monarchy. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Monarchs on horseback can appear very tall and imposing to children looking up. But if you climb the tree high enough even they can look quite small from the heights.

Commentary

From the heights that God stares let alone a child, there is no difference between an Archangel and a grasshopper. Our democracies thrive on the assumption of equality of dignity and status and yet there are still hierarchies. We can reduce everybody to the same level in some kind of socialist utopia or we can ask how hierarchies can add value. Maybe some monarchies add a sense of majesty, color, and indeed unity in grief or joy that is valuable to everybody and not just to themselves. It definitely seems that way in Britain right now as a nation and indeed a world comes together in challenging times to mourn the death of a beloved Queen.

There is of course the potential for nobility in every soul. Not all kings or queens embody it but the British monarchy has been quite successful in this respect. They model the king or queen in every person and allow us to put flesh on dreams of royalty and nobility.

Mechanical issues

Nothing major.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

#4670569

Review of The Royal Wave

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello, Avid Novel Reader

I found "The Royal Wave"

when searching for articles on monarchy. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The poet describes the distance between the monarch and the poor rabble. She waves from behind bulletproof glass in a carriage or a car. The people are not far away but she is protected from them. The vehicle transports her like a prisoner from one jail cell to the next.

Commentary

You have a British flag on your icon which surprised me. Your description of the British monarch seemed so far removed from reality. Just yesterday I was watching Charles III our new king shaking hands with well-wishers and even kissing one, though from the interview afterward, she was not even British.

The Queen was intimately involved in so many charities and community projects and so deeply connected to the people that ran them that I wondered if you were talking about the same person.

Of course, there are times when security concerns require bulletproof glass but the intimate connection between monarch and people forgives such occasions. These days in fact I wonder if we should grant them more distance, their lives so continually on display and at the mercy of the critics.

They are human but we are hardly poverty-stricken unwashed masses today. We are rich and we can afford the majesty, color, and unity that the monarchy brings to the UK, the Realms, and Commonwealth.

The death of QE2 brings together an ensemble of world leaders for the funeral which would be impossible to match for any other world leader. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II probably met more world leaders and normal people, from more lands than any other person who has ever lived. Literally, millions of people can speak of transformative encounters with her that they cherish long after.

May the Queen rest in peace, God save King Charles III

Mechanical issues

Nothing major.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

#4670343

Review of Why Being A Writer Is Everything To Me

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, Izzy's Writing

. This is a review of "Why Being A Writer Is Everything To Me"

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Writing is important, it can start wars and end them. But why is writing important to me? The author explores the roots and reasons for her passion. Fundamentally she sees writing as a means of expression that helps her wrestle with the darkest issues that she faces and to release her burdens. Writing gives her scope to express her soul and to be creative and a way of saying things that our mouths cannot. People should not be afraid to write and of what might be said by the critics. Take the risk, write something today...

Commentary

You take a risk, baring your soul like this, and writing down your passion for writing. What if I am in a bad mood or others who read this? What if I am inclined to take apart everything you say and with a pointy finger and red face shout out all the sins and failings that your self-expression has revealed? Have you assumed that your reader is as nice as yourself and just as inclined to accept the value of your creativity, passion, and the outpouring of your soul?

In fact, you seem to be saying that it does not matter if I am dressed like the Grand Inquisitor this morning angrily considering your words from exalted heights. You write for you and because the act of writing has value in itself. It brings healing and perspective and it releases the secret mysteries of your soul that would otherwise not be expressed.

But then why share this with me, why ask me to read what you have written? In a way, I am an easy audience as I share your passion for reading and for expression. Much of what you said resonated with me because I also am a writer. So are we the writers in a special club writing pieces like this to each other but not reaching the masses? No, far from it, being a writer has a wider impact. Most people today may think in terms of icons on touch screen interfaces, video calls, and commands to Alexa but the written word remains supreme and the writer is its priest. It sounds like an exalted title when it is written like that but I do believe that it is the writers and the programmers who shape the consciousness of the world right now. Everyone else might be watching Netflix and following the business plan but we are the people who write the scripts and give the reasons for the endeavor.

Putin writes down his thoughts on a greater Russia and the next year there is a war in Ukraine. Karl Marx writes the Communist Manifesto to unleash a century of wars and godless oppression. Izzy writes a poem or a short poem and the world smiles or nods empathetically sharing the insight or emotion that you capture there.

It is personal testimonies like this one that motivates others to write also and your focus turned outwards to suggest that in the last paragraphs. Overall, however, I felt the reasons you gave for writing were more for yourself than others, as with your title, even though I found them inspiring.

This forum is also useful in correcting style thereby improving the ways we express ourselves. There were some mechanical issues with this text.

Mechanical issues

Writing has embedded it’s [its] presence into my very soul and won’t let go.

Writing can be my anger when screams no long [longer] express it

Sometimes, I do not wish to share my writing with the word. - Sometimes, I do not wish to share my writing with the world.

Sometimes, my anger, pain and sorrow are so great that I must write it out but never share it with anyone. - Sometimes, my anger, pain, and sorrow are so great that I must write them out but never share them with anyone.

writing in of itself isn’t one or the other.

They will never understand us, the humans who create stories for our own comforts [comfort].

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

#4670279

Review of 911 2001

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, QuillMistress

I found "911 2001"

when searching for articles on 9/11. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Sherri Laurier captures the feelings of grief and devastation at the events of 9/11. She wrestles with how people celebrated this event in Pakistan and the inhumanity of the killers. Kill is a four letter word but so also is love...

Commentary

The emotions here, when you wrote this in 2003, are still raw even at a distance of two years from the event. The sadness, shock, and devastation are all too clear. Maybe assumptions about just how much Americans were liked around the world and especially in the Muslim world were also blown away by the event. Assumptions that America was a safe haven rather than itself responsible for atrocities elsewhere were unexamined here. Americans watched live footage of this Pearl harbor Mk2 in their living rooms. This was before Facebook and Twitter and so people were just glued to their TVs.

Five acts of terror are described here. Four crashed aircraft in New York, the Pentagon, and Pennsylvania, and then finally the reaction in the Muslim world.

There were people dancing on the street throughout the Middle East and not just in Pakistan. If Facebook and Twitter had existed then I would bet they would have been alive with affirmations of the event from these people. The author finds these people incomprehensible, and blasphemous in their declaration that they do God's will.

The idea that God does not hurt us or judge us however has no foundation beyond wishful thinking. It is similar to the rapture doctrine held to by many conservative Evangelicals and the idealistic notions of Disney land liberals. The biblical- historical experience of the global church has always been to go through suffering rather than bypass it. God has directed Holy Wars such as the subjugation of Canaan. He sent angels to wipe out the unbelievers and he wiped out the entire world in the flood. That there were Muslims in the building is a piece of evidence that even by the criteria of their own faith the terrorists made a horrendous mistake at 9/11, one that in all probability sent them straight to hell.

In hindsight 9/11 seems more like a wake up call for the USA that splendid isolation was no longer possible. That evil like good has gone global and we are all vulnerable wherever we live. America's reaction was to remove the regimes that supported this action and hunt down and kill the leader of Al Quaeda. Justice done, they came home twenty years later sick with their engagement with the dysfunctional cultures of Iraq and Afghanistan. It would be nice to think that America is a fortress that can never be attacked again but things like Pearl Harbor and 9/11 make it clear that is naive. America's safety now lies in engagement with the world rather than retreating from it. It has a great many allies and friends to help it in that task. What the USA is doing in Ukraine is an example of America at its best defending the freedoms of others as well as itself.

You were clearly in a lot of pain when you wrote this. Now twenty years later I wonder how you would revisit these emotions and what differences you would find with the person who wrote this so long ago now?

Mechanical issues

is silented with disbelief - word silented does exist: adjective used to describe the complete absence of any form of suffering or anxieties induced by real-life living in oneself or others, but does not fit here. Think you meant silenced.

There wasn’t any of knowing more tragedy was still to come… - There wasn’t any way of knowing more tragedy was still to come…

You capitalized all sorts of things, maybe for emphasis that technically should not have been capitalized:

A Demonstration Of Dire Devastation

in the Great United States, Human Beings are born with freedom of religion.

I Pledge Allegiance To Our Flag

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

#4670212

Review of The World Trade Center Tragedy

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello, RatDog

I found "The World Trade Center Tragedy"

when searching for articles on 9/11. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The author writes on the day of the attack on the World Trade Center with some follow-up comments from the day that followed.

Commentary

9/11 was a live media event with hundreds of millions tuning in to watch the unfolding drama. On the day you seemed sad but the following day you sounded mad (as in angry). Maybe in the commentary you received after writing the first part, there was a call to action and indeed even revenge. This seems to be the direction of the second part.

America did retaliate as you called for it to do. Many footsoldiers of the enemy flocked to the conflicts that followed to be slaughtered in their hundreds of thousands like flies running into the flame. They even got Bin Laden in the end. Then twenty years later America came home.

You speak of this media event in the same way as one might regard a fascination with gladiatorial combat in the Roman era. Many people knew this these contests and their conception were deeply immoral but were fascinated by the blood and gore of the games. Watching war on TV is a spectator sport of a similar genre and continues into the Ukrainian war.

Mechanical issues

Bin Laden not Ben Laden
terorist - terrorist
retalliate - retaliate

newscasters will continue to talk about a major event like this long after there is anything [nothing] new to say.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

#4670122

Review of Caught in the Rain

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Bikerider

. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

"Caught in the Rain"

was selected from the list for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The day seemed dismal at its start with low grey clouds that made him feel weary. He was going to fish and he did not want the rain that came. The sun darted in and out but then the fisherman got wet fishing and then soaked as the rain returned. He was full of joy when the day ended and laughing out loud.

Commentary

I loved this poem which described a sort of liberation from world-weariness and depressing thoughts to me. It was not a liberation brought about by perfect circumstances but rather it was more spiritual and came despite those circumstances. The man got wet fishing, got soaked by the rain, and yet by the end he is full of life and joy and this is overflowing from him.

It is the sort of feeling I get going for a run in a blizzard through 18km of snow or the same distance up and down mountains at 35C on a hot Summer's day. It is the feeling of sailing a boat in a force 6 past rocky cliffs, cutting hard into the wind and the giant waves, and then turning to run to a sandy beach. It is walking into a mosque a little nervous but then sharing the gospel with 30 Muslims and then leaving exhilarated and full of life, happy to still be alive.

Well maybe it is not the same but it felt the same to me. Thank you for your poem.

Mechanical issues

Nothing worth mentioning.

Thanks for sharing.

Image for reviewing

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

#4670118

Review of Stuck

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, Fynhowlin'

. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

!

"Stuck"

was selected by the random read & review button for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

We are stuck like a host of things that are really hard to unstick. Things like three-day-old yolks on the flat of the dish or super glue. We are stuck but maybe there is something romantic and lasting about that...

Commentary

You started with all sorts of familiar things which I have battled hard to unstick on multiple occasions. So I thought this poem was going to have a negative direction. I grew frustrated with the thoughts you summoned of all these impossible sticky situations. But then the poem started to move towards romance and I realized what it was really about and by the last first I was all awwww sweet and mushy inside.

In an age where so many marriages flounder, and indeed where so many are now terrified to take the plunge at all, your poem was a timely reminder of more lasting love. People who keep their promises, people who have made the hard choices many times, and who remain exactly where they always intended to be.

There is no need for historical revisionism and endless new starts when:

The stickiness that holds us fast
cements our now,
cements our past.

Mechanical issues

Nothing worth mentioning.

Thanks for sharing.

Image for reviewing

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind