*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis
Review Requests: ON
474 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of The Perfect Gift?  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Received this via random review and wanted this gift for my birthday.

Reader Experience

Sue is an entitled and rather spoilt girl doted on by Tom. He spends time thought and money to buy her the most expensive mountain bike with all the bells and whistles only to have her dismiss his efforts with the words "Oh Tom it's purple". So then she describes what she really wanted for her borthday was a teleporter. He buys her one but apparently still has not learnt his lesson as she dismisses it with the same words.


Commentary

Funny ending. I just had a discussion with y wife as to why she spent 30 euros on a bottle of super olive oil when it tasted no different to me than the normal stuff which is one seventh of the price. But people with taste buds can apparently tell. That said Sue, unlike why wife, is a really unattractive, spoilt, entitled brat and I do not know what Tom sees in her. But Tom, the real hero of this story should have learnt her color coded reasons for rejection and picky precise tastes by now. Lilac is not purple after all. Must admit I had hoped you would explore something of how this technology could transform lifestyles but was pleasantly surprised by your own take on things anyway.

Thanks for sharing.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and stayed for the love theme.

Reader Experience

A mother looks back on her daughter's life. She was the twin that they did not know was there until she followed behind her brother into this world. She has always craved attention and sometimes found it in thew wrong places and doing the wrong things. She broke her marriage and now she is alone seemingly always on the brink of breakdown. Her mothers heart is stretched to the limit trying to keep up with her, near to seeing all feeling evaporate away in fact. Then suddenly she tells her mother that she loves her...


Commentary

The dynamics of parent and child fascinate me having children of my own. One of mine came into this world effortlessly, is low maintenance and always fun to be around when he comes out of his cave. The other requiring constant attention was a nightmare pregnancy for my wife and hardly slept for her first 3 years before finally settling down into more normal patterns. Now she also is a pleasure to be with and a source of fascinating conversation and creativity. It seems every child is different, they all have their phases their ups and downs but a parents love never really goes away however extremely it is tested. It is a wonderful moment when a child turns around to you and says 'I love you'. I could review the last 8 words you wrote or the other 496. Weighed in the balance it is those 8 that I remember and it seems also to you.

Moving and well written account, so thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and thought it might give me some insight into the late arrival of the most recent Bond film: Tommorrow never dies...nah that was the old one: No Time to Die

Reader Experience

Hey this has got nothing to do with Bond, instead you suggest that the promise of that movie is just a euphemism that will never come. It is just a ghost a shadow a fabrication of a possible future, but actually completely dynamic. All that exists is the moment and what we do in the present. Tomorrows film may never come!

Commentary

This didactic musing reminds of a book I read once called the "Power of Now". Also of the teachings of the Buddha, that we should live in the moment and shed our delusions about the future and our chains to the past and the pains we experienced and experience. Both are not true in my view as promises do come true. My wife promised to marry me, she did, I promised to be faithful, I have been. I promised my boss to do some work, I did it. God promises me things which I trust for my future like salvation etc. A promise is only as good as the person who makes it and the rerendering of past and future in the shape of man's existential experience of the present is always doomed to failure, unless accompanied by Divine powers, resurrection abilities and a claim to the throne of God.

I did find an affirmation of the wisdom in what you said here however:

Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies will have their fill of poverty. Prov 28:19

If that is what you meant then I agree. No offence was intended by this review, this was my honest reaction to your words. Thanks for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Received this via random review and stayed cause no idea who you were talking about.

Reader Experience

Stuart whoooooo?..oooooOOOOOooooo is dead and haunting a simple country girl who appears to have the hots for him. So he should stop waiting for a supernatural breakthrough and make his move apparently.

Commentary

No idea who this guy is, let's google him, Wikipedia ahh lostprophets band, no devotion band. Wait he is still alive. Sorry miss, seems your ghost is operating under false pretences...NO wait that was Stuart Richardson and he was Welsh. This is Stuart Adamson, a Scot, yep he's dead, Big Country - Raphaels, 2 wives , committed suicide after his second wife filed for divorce. Now that is tragic not funny at all, but also doubt he is in much of a romantic mood if his ghost is still trapped here. You might have an impossible romance here on multiple levels.

Anyway liked the poem, sorry if I have offended you with my flippancy, but this is what came out when I read your poem.

I liked the lyrics to some of his songs but he betrayed them with his suicide:

I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
But you can't stay here with every single hope you had shattered
I'm not expecting to grow flowers in a desert
But I can live and breathe
And see the sun in wintertime


Thanks for sharing




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Received this via random review and liked the original Hansel and Gretel story so decided to stay

Reader Experience

Hansel and Gretel, having defeated the witch, do not return to their home. Instead they acquire magic powers, from their defeat of the witch, and spell books, and move to Frankfurt to start a bakery. Hansel is the Baker and Gretel makes the magic muffins. However her various potions soon attract the attention of the Inquisition. Hansel and Gretel flee, Hansel leaves his Blacksmith daughter girlfriend Brunhilda behind. They go to New York, to the Little Italy section of Manhattan. But then in 2010, eternal youth apparently be part of the deal with the powers, various murders with magical signatures they recognize cause them to wonder if another witch is not on the prowl. They discover to their horror that the Ginger Bread Man was plotting their immanent demise and planning to take their powers and become a witch himself. Fortunately they thwart this attempt with the help of a more professional witch who seems to actually understand the business better than they do despite their longevity. The Ginger Bread man is blown into a million pieces and consigned to the darkest part of hell. They carry on good works with magic sweeties.

Commentary

This creative extension of the Brothers Grimm retelling of the medieval tale of Hansel and Gretel takes a lot of license with the original story.

1) They do not return to their widowed dad with a whole load of riches and live happily ever after but rather they go to Frankfurt and start a magic Bakery

2) The Ginger Bread Man was eaten by a fox, yet somehow, here, survives 700 years without going moldy and keeps physical integrity despite a prolific shedding of crumbs all over the place including magic books.

3) The original story was about defeating the dark arts while this one is about embracing them. The Inquisitor is the enemy but didn't the original Hansel and Gretel actually burn a witch alive much like he would have done to them for playing with magic.

I liked the creativity here and the story was engaging and well written but there were a few things that irritated me:

There was a plan to save Brunhilda from being burnt at the stake because of her association with them which kind of died in mid sentence.

There seems to be little historical understanding here. New York did not exist in the Inquisition and was founded by the Dutch, passing to British control in 1664 and the Italians did not arrive until the nineteenth century. The original story was set around 1250. Even allowing for Brother Grimm time frames there was no Inquisition at that time so there are a jumble of dates and a mismatch with history that is quite jarring.

Also if they were genuine nice guy witches intent on helping people and had done all this research on magic why did they need professional help to defeat the Ginger Bread Man? Surely the wisdom of centuries must count for something.

Anyway it was an amusing and creative tale despite the inconsistencies and licence taken with the fairy tales it draws on. Thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by the theme of Fate.

Reader Experience

The author shares a low view of Fate.


Commentary

In this poem Fate adjusts to circumstance no longer promising the fabulous destiny when you fight for your life, no longer provisioning for the future when the game looks like being lost. Meanwhile a child struggles hungry and homeless - was that Fate also - the poem does not make the connection entirely clear? Fate is no lady she is a whore, who smiles or frowns according to what dues we pay her.

Hey there would not have been so many Terminator sequels if our Fates were sealed and the road was set. "No Fate" carved in the table with a knife seems like a good enough motto to live by and continually refresh the timeline. God knows what is coming but we have real choices and can make the best or worst of out lives. In Germany Hitler often preached about the destiny of Germany and of his Thousand Year Reich which only ended up lasting 13 because of the choice of good people to oppose him and his plans. In India many people will pass a beggar in the street because he is merely paying for his sins from his previous lives and we cannot overturn his Karma. But maybe "No Fate" should be carved onto the foreheads of those who can pass a crying, hungry baby on the streets. If we pick the child up, get it the right attention and provision, we make a choice, to reject the whore that is Fate. But not sure a "lady" would pick up the child either- maybe that word is too loaded with class snobbery and aristocratic distancing for me.

Thanks for an interesting and thought provoking poem



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of I AM NOW AN ANGEL  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by the wild west theme.

Reader Experience

Will is shot by a horse rustler, named Fred Armstrong, but in a ghostly form he gets to see justice done. Fred Armstrong is shot by the Sheriff while attempting to draw on him


Commentary

Well the Colt 45 and the horse riding dates this back in the time of the Wild West. The bad guy gets his comeuppance and justice is done. This was engaging and well written and kept me reading to the end.

What intrigued me about the content though was the view of death. That good or evil we end up ghosts looking down on our mortal remains. That our concerns remain with this world rather than the next and that we can in some small way plant thoughts in those left behind about matters of great concern. Though in this story Will actually did nothing of any actual help to the Sheriff. He worked it out by himself that Fred was to blame from the evidence on the ground- cartridges and horse manure. This is a very self sufficient and indeed secularized view of the after life, that it is what we make of it, that we can get our own revenge/justice rather than trust a Divine Judge for that. That over time even that existence begins to fade as in the case of William Penders, but fade into what?

You might want to correct this line:

Meanwhile the Sheriff was checking his Colt and to see it was fully loaded

Thanks for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Our Daily Rain  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a reciprocal review.

Reader Experience

This was so England! The feeling of mist and water, sodden soil, the sound and sight of streams and rivers and green shrouded in grey. Yes not our green and pleasant land, our grey and pleasant England.


Commentary

Having emigrated to Germany descriptions like this tug at my heart strings. It is funny what you miss. The fertile soils of Southern England are continually watered although I understand London receives less net rainfall than Rome in a warmer klime. It is grey that English moan about when caught inside a pea souper but they sing about the greeness of the land. Yet now I miss even that greay. Your poem was perfect, your descriptions brought this to life.

Loved the last line which made me laugh:

Give us this day our daily rain,
and forgive us our umbrellas.


It rarely really rained in the UK, really tipped it down. Maybe the occasional thunder storm in Summer. I remember drizzle and spitting rain instead. People would always carry umbrellas though

Thanks for sharing.






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of The Hunt  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Received this via random review and got hooked by the first line.

Reader Experience

The fae are a mythical race of beings that preceded human apparently. Killing one apparently invokes the wrath of the wild hunt. So why are they chasing him when he has done no such thing. It is only as the hunt passes him by that he realizes that they were not after him at all. A skeleton holds a bony finger to where lips should be to indicate silence but the author told us the story anyway.


Commentary

This is kind of action packed and a great read. You really feel the panic and the terror at being hunted. The author appears to understand how it would be possible to confound such a hunt but has no time to prepare and so just runs. Why he is aware and why he gets to see the skeleton on horse back seems to be a rare privilege. But then I forget that the world describes does not exist and I just allowed myself to be transported into a parallel universe by a skillful writer. I cannot fault this one and really liked it.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of 'The Incident'  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Received via random review and was hooked by the first line.

Reader Experience

A government experiment goes terribly wrong and a great many people completely disappear including Brenda Marsh's family. This is the interview by Agent Sully (nay Scully) and boss.


Commentary

The dialog was authentic and engaging from start to finish and you had me hooked. So this was excellent writing. But when I finished the story I got to thinking about the plot.

Government incompetence combined with access to cutting edge technologies is of course a terrible combination. The thesis here is that a tap of mechanical devices caused some kind of power surge that evaporated all human beings while leaving biological plant material still in the pot. Moreover Brenda survives with no obvious impairment. With a neutron bomb all biological material would be vaporized leaving the infrastructure in place, but this idea of only some survived does not fit any reasonable theories we have.

Also memory wiping technologies do not exist. If a government was that ruthless to test technology on its own people it would probably just shoot them if they were witnesses to their incompetence.

But my biggest question about the plot was why was the interview taking place at all. Brenda could not tell them anything they did not already know. They only pertinent info in her case is where she was when the incident happened. From that they could work out why she was not vaporized with her family by seeing what might have shielded her from the effect. But this question was never asked.

Anyway loved it even if I thought it slightly implausible. Thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of The Monsters Know  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Received this via random review and stayed to battle the monsters

Reader Experience

A woman let's the monsters within tear her apart. When she asks where her mind and soul have gone the answer comes, it is the monsters that know.


Commentary

My reoccurring dream as a young boy was always about killing the monsters and setting some girl I loved free. When the monsters looked liked winning I usually end up forcing my own ending on the dream, so they never defeated me. Passivity in the face of monsters seems to be a mistake. Resist the devil and he will flee from you is the best advice. Invent new weaponry, tactics, and superpowers, to take them on in your imaginary battles and drive them from your mental spaces. It helps to think about another's well being over your own, to spend more time in the light and to focus on what is pure, noble, good and helpful.

So monsters probably do know what they did with what they stole, but it does not belong to them and can be reclaimed.

Monsters always draw maps with arrows that point to hell, so maybe their maps are no good.

Thanks for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Driving  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and was hooked by the driving test theme

Reader Experience

Jennifer majored in German literature and is looking for a job. Her mode of transport has always been a bike but most jobs are too far away and so she needs to get a driving license. Her friend Nolan and her have both failed this test 3 times. She appears to be an insomniac. The build up to her test begins 7am with her instructor Christine. But she is late sleeping and will not be rested for the test.


Commentary

Living in Germany, right now, I enjoy a great public transport system and rarely use my car. For long business trips I tend to use a train and for local travel I can use the UBahn or Bus or bike it. My first jobs I would cycle to work and my wife would use our car. Now we have two cars but I still use mine only for shopping, church and dump runs and trips to the seaside. What I am trying to communicate is the culture clash your words evoke with mine. Germans love their cars but are not beholden to a car culture. Americans seem to have to use a car to travel any kind of distance.

Regarding the story line Jennifer seems to have no clue when it comes to value of sleep, knowing how to relax and she does not seem like someone who is a natural driver. She may well be a menace on the roads if she ever does pass her test. Sleep deprivation is as big a killer than drunk driving.

It seems Jennifer's surname implies German roots and her interest in German literature and bicycles tie her more closely with the German culture than the American one in some ways.

You seem to use British rather than American spelling. Aside from that there were no obvious issues.

I found Jennifer a chaotic character that was setting herself up to fail but also someone who seemed out of place in an American car culture.

It was an interesting cultural foray, thanks for sharing.








*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Received this via random review and it looked interesting

Reader Experience

Love a story about genies and magic lamps. Not sure what it is five o'clock somewhere means. This djinn is a female called Mari, which was a surprise as I thought they were all male. Well apparently she is not happy with her lot and is getting drunk with her attentive best friend Al who wants to marry her and make babies with her. But after 500 years of giving wishes some that have killed those that asked for them she is deeply unhappy and just wants to give it all up. It seems she may have dropped a ton of gold on the last one who made a wish. The scene ends with a summons and her back in her bottle waiting to be called by her new master, maybe she will go through with it. There seems to be a suggestion that if she breaks some rule then she will become mortal and start to die but not clear what the rule was.


Commentary

A lot of understanding is assumed by the author here and not properly explained. Like did Mari drop a ton of gold on the last person who made a wish? The implication is not clear. Do all her wishes end up cursing those who ask for them, is that the point and the thing that is dragging her down? To whom is she in servitude? What did this five o'clock reference mean? How exactly does she escape this servitude, by not killing the person who wishes, by refusing a wish - this was not clear either.

Maybe if I had more experience of outwitting djinn I would know how they operate better, but I do not have Aladdin on speed dial and he is missing in the lockdown.

Stylistically this is well written and engaging. But the content left me a little confused.

Thanks for sharing.







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Until It Sleeps  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by a Faustian bargain set to the tune of Metallica

Reader Experience

A holy man makes a Faustian bargain for the greater good, but now it is time to pay.

Commentary

Goethe did it before you. Trusting devils is a fools game and I have to wonder at the holy man's credentials at trying to force God's hand with a devils bargain, whatever the circumstances in which he thought he knew better. Is not the essence of evil, after all, thinking that we know better than God. The dimensions of the demon are exaggerated and swollen so that he becomes a superbeing gloating over his prey. This Holy Man still trusts in God and considers his sacrifice to have been for the good of others. That love motive may yet confound the demon but the holy man has placed himself in the worst of circumstances to test that hope.

Interesting story and well written, found one error here:

"And did I not delivery?" = "And did I not deliver?"

Thanks for sharing









*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by the theme

Reader Experience

Seekers glimpse the future before it happens and can change it. As Sarah comes of age at 16 she inherits her powers and a mirror in which she can see these visions. But acquiring the powers is only the first step, mastering them is also required and knowing that she is in control. She learns how to rebuke evil and to make the evil go away.


Commentary

A mix of prophet and prayer warrior, resisting the devil and causing him to flee, a seeker seems like a policeman of the timeline, keeping it as pure as possible. Why these powers are given, who gives them and why to this family and bloodline is not explained in the story. Why a mirror, in which you usually see yourself or those that stand with you, should be associated with this power is also not explained. But I guess images in a mirror are echoes of reality much as visions of what might be can also be. How a 4D insight into a 3D reality is managed would require brain extensions most of us do not have. I wonder if there is a stress and overheating associated with this gift or is there a genetic modification, natural or designed in the background here that makes this possible?

I do not know how Sarah keeps her moral compass set? There are no scriptures to guide here, just the inherited wisdom and experience of those who have been before her. If there is one of her, maybe there are many. Is she special because of this power and whom does it serve?

I liked the story, there are no obvious errors stylistically. YOur piece raises a lot of questions and was a stimulating read.

Thanks for sharing.







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of BLACK CROW  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and have liked your writing a lot in most past reviews.

Reader Experience

The poem talks about a black crow becoming a black man but compares the hearts of men and crows to suggest that man's deeds are dark while those of the crow would be pure


Commentary

The whole black- white / good-evil matrix is a difficult one in a color sensitive age with BLM and race so high on the agenda. I guess you wrote this in a different country and a different time. You have written some fabulous poems on this site which I have reviewed. But this was not one of your better ones. The language was a little difficult on the tongue and did not flow, for example:

This does not you bother.
Do deeds blacker, all know

That said it was quite remarkable how you kept the syllable count discipline throughout the poem.

Not sure why you chose a crow, it is associated with carrion in Europe. Not really a paragon of virtue by any means.

Thanks for your poem.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Fool in the Rain  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by the Naiad theme, so I read on.

Reader Experience

Aphrodite Greek goddess of love finds the perfect occasion, in the rain, to bring a naiad and a man together.

Commentary

Naiads, like Nemea, are associated with fresh water. The man remains nameless. In Greco-Roman mythology Venus had a habit of favoring devotees with partners though that did not work out in the case of Paris and Helen for example: fall of Troy. One wonders what kind of petty squabbles or machinations of the gods contributed to this act of matchmaking. I guess a Naiad IS a woman, definitely feminine in form, though I wonder what the children will be like. The Naiad's superpower seems to be her beauty, none of the pictures have her with gills able to breathe under water. In the myths, she actually demanded a sort of localized worship. So maybe Nemea is going to be a high maintenance bride who will always somehow get away with that because of her looks.

Liked the story, could find no obvious errors. Thought it was clever combining the first kiss with her raison d'etre - fresh water in the rain. She was always going to get hooked by that.

Thanks for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a Raid review.

Reader Experience

The only boy with a girlfriend in the last year of Junior High holds hands with Cynthia his girlfriend while skating in the public skating area. They receive all the jokes from his mates as needing to hold hands to stay up, even though half of them needed their hockey sticks as props to prevent them falling over themselves. Then Cynthia performs an ice dance maneuver that has them all reevaluating their priorities

Commentary

A skillfully executed 3 word contest combined with real life experience makes a good and engaging story here. Think it is the authenticity of the style that really makes it work.

The story is of one of those coming of age milestones when boys suddenly discover that there is something more than ice hockey and each others company. Cynthia shows the boys what feminine grace looks like on ice and suddenly the boys are staring over at a brand new world they want to visit.

It is a very polished piece and I did not find any obvious errors. Thanks for sharing.


*Snow4* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Winter Fun Raid Review *Snow4*




Winter Fun Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Poor Twisted Me  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a Raid review. Winter fun meets depression head on!

Reader Experience

This is dark, toxic wallowing depression feeding off the good and the bright and the hopeful and casting everything into shadows

Commentary

Simple remedy: snowball down the back of your shirt. You'll be too angry to be depressed. Leave you on top of a snowy mountain to make your own way home in the middle of the night. You'll be too scared to be depressed. Or leave a person you love on top of same Wintry mountain for you to rescue. Love, fear and anger are all stronger than depression. So hopefully you are angry enough now to climb out of the toxic twilight zone you described and read my review.

So depression chews on suffering BUT also "the thoughts you love most". I was unclear on its dietary plans. If it eats nice thoughts to generate bad ones then surely it does not eat the bad ones or they would not remain. If it feeds only on the bad stuff then does it actually eat the good ones.

You mentioned a play on building a person up to crash them down harder. Then depression got greedy and desperate and so it is not really feeding as well now as when it started. So for the sake of a really good wallow, later on sounds, like you need to build a snowman and find your sled, have a load of fun, and then just let the black cloud of torment and misery go to work later *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


*Snow4* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Winter Fun Raid Review *Snow4*




Winter Fun Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Snow Thoughts  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a Raid review.

Reader Experience

A tale of two places: Michigan and Texas, and two age groups: 5 and 50, and how they experience snow.


Commentary

Interesting way to categorize and then explore the experience. Contrasting warmth and cold, the spectator of a pretty scene and the active participant in Winter fun. One finds that the experience of the long Winter Cold helps her value the warmth of Spring and Summer and the other that the occasional trip North to experience Winter cold makes her value her home in the warm south.In the case of the 50 year Southern Gal the symmetry was spoilt by her previous Northern history and experience.

I was interested in the association of the arrival of the first snows with cooking cookies and hot cocoa. A sort of sense memory of the experience of snow that makes it feel better and more homey.

Thanks for sharing

*Snow4* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Winter Fun Raid Review *Snow4*




Winter Fun Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Ice  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a Raid Review

Reader Experience

A sudden freeze leaves Irene and Brynn heading for home in dangerous conditions. Irene sees something in the partially frozen river, Brynn is concerned for her safety and holding her hand. Irene confirms she saw a flower which had been rapidly frozen in the ice. Irene, much to Brynn's horror, makes her way to the waters edge and uses a stone to hammer the ice convinced someone is under the ice. Brynn reluctantly helps out and using a branch retrieves a red stripy glove. Now they can go home.

Commentary

The sequence of flower - dead body possibility - then stripy glove made for a good melodrama. I have had my fair experience of icebergs on the river, frozen lakes, blizzards, snow drifts and black ice. So the feeling of danger in the background of this story was a nice touch to which the two characters respond one in a more cowardly way and then practically dragged along by the other and the other more heroically. I felt the gender roles were reversed here with Brynn as the scared one who just wanted back in his comfy zone and Irene as the adventurous one taking risks. But maybe those gender stereotypes do not really work here. That said Brynn is usually a girl's name, but here it is used in a male form. He calls Irene his girlfriend, so "incredulous at the risks the girl was taking" sounds a little impersonal.

Liked the story, thanks for sharing.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Thin Ice Dreams  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a Raid Review

Reader Experience

An ice dancer at the Olympics has pushed her body to compete in these games. Only perfect scores will win this but the other guy wins because she fell twice to the sound of violins in the contest.

Commentary

This captures a lot of the competitive spirit and sacrificial focus of the contestants. Ice dancing looks so graceful but as you say the reality is knees that need pins and a ruthless training regime.

I liked the poem it made feel sad for her because she lost but even to get to the games is an achievement it is not just about winning, so maybe she lacked some perspective.

You made the structure of the Vilanelle work by repeating two lines about 'slicing ice' and 'only scores of ten suffice' multiple times. That helped deepen the emotional impact and I quite liked it.

Thanks for sharing

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Just read the rewrite cause I read the previous version

Reader Experience

A murderous rampage on a star ship bound for a place the murderer did not want to go. Now devoid of life except for the first victim trapped inside the ships computer feeling the ship as his body. He is now trapped on a planet called Limbo awaiting perhaps an even worse fate at the hands of some mystery alien trapper.

Commentary

Thought this version was far better than the original and you answered all the questions I had about the original text to boot. Definitely a five star effort.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of The Lucky Ones  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a Raid Review

Reader Experience

The 'Lucky Ones' are the survivors of what seems like a terrorist outrage perpetrated against innocent civilians. But some survivors have mangled limbs and have lost children and many are wounded, screaming or writhing in pain. Then there is the sense of surprise and the feeling that they have just entered a brave new world where outrages like this are possible even here.

Commentary

Cool first line that sets the scene. Also powerful and masterful descriptions here. The way you lead us from the daughters shoe to the mother with mangled legs through a chaotic post explosion scene works very well. The piece is pregnant with possible questions, who did it, how could they kill or maim little girls like that? why? Why was Matthew Slate there that day? How come the physically unscathed man was spared this outrage? Reminds me of my days growing up in England listening to reports about IRA terrorism, almost daily. I guess we all lived in fear of that and the bomb at the time.

I ran you through a grammar/spelling check and it went haywire. I was about to write them all down when I realised that your spelling was British. I have been using American spelling on this site. Since we Brits invented the language can hardly penalise you for speaking the Queen's English properly.

This line is technically OK saved by the single word verb-less sentence 'People' but I felt you should have used 'It was' rather than 'They were' because horror is singular and then written 'People:' with their list of horrors after.

Tearing his eyes from the horror was impossible. They were everywhere he looked.

People.


Anyway very powerful piece and very impressed. Thanks.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Deus ex machina  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Received this via random review and I like Sci-Fi

Reader Experience

The UNSS Grackle is not a US Auxiliary supply ship as I originally thought. It is a survey ship exploring the galaxy for planets that can support life. The Captain ordered an exploration of uncharted regions which sounded like fun to all of his crew except Jonesey who started killing them all. He stuffed the captain in some exhaust pipes and the captains consciousness seems to have been trapped in the ships computer as a result to the point where he can take over the ship, but apparently not save the rest of his crew. He describes as a kind of purgatory. The story ends with the Captain in the machine waiting for whoever trapped him on the world he landed in and for the beings that planted the alien artifact that did that to come collect their prey: namely himself. Presumably Jonesey is waiting for the same fate as no one killed him.

Commentary

The Captain's arbitrary decision to leave charted space probably killed the rest of his crew as Jonesey took his revenge. We see nothing of Jonesey's motivations, and even though, logically, he is still alive, there is no attempt by the captain of the ship, now caught in the machine, to effect some kind of justice on him despite his control of ship systems. There are no feelings of anger, revenge, pain at the loss of crew just the existential experience of being stranded on Limbo and in the machine. Isn't the god or ghost in the machine meant to save the day in the usual use of the tern Deus ex Machina.

Anyway I liked the story line but found the captain's character unconvincing and Jonesey should have had more airing to complete the story line I thought since he was logically still alive at the end the end of it and it was his actions that drove the story line to which this passive disembodied consciousness of the captain was actually a victim, firstly of Jonesey and then of whoever trapped the ship. You made the passive victim rather than the active bad eye the hero of your piece, even though a Captain is not usually such a passive figure.

Thanks for the story.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
319 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 13 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis