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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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376
376
Review of Cocoon  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is beautiful, the images, the feeling, flowing from one stanza to the next, drawing me forward to the beautiful resolution. Growth, rebirth, whatever one's faith, this speaks volumes. *Star*

Reading aloud, I falter in but one tiny spot, the third stanza, first line, the beat is different than the rest, making me stop for a moment ~ consider perhaps using a contraction "What's this that comes to me" so that the spoken emphasis falls on the word "this" naturally ~ see how it sounds to you?

The final image stays with me and I you leave a gentle smile on my lips even after having finished reading.

Thank you for offering this beautiful work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of John  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is a beautiful, loving tribute to a young man whose spirit shines through the words you put to paper. Your telling of the story is so natural and real, I find myself often lost in the moment.

I have but a few comments or questions to pose ~

Is Tony a physician, working in intensive care? He was excused to be with you? That seemed a bit abrupt as opposed to the smooth flow and introductions throughout the rest of the story?

Also, in describing John's physical attributes, "His thick sandy-blond hair complemented large, intelligen, green eyes." in place of "complimented"; and in the paragraph beginning, "That was the beginning... what seemed like it would be a long struggle." "seemed would" feels a bit forced to my ear reading aloud???

The final sentence is such a beautiful, heartfelt message, it stays with me after I've finished reading. Thank you for sharing this beautiful work!

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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378
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a great visual poem ~ shaped like a rocket ship*Thumbsup* with the departure checklist numbered (cute phrase about the jacket^_^) and the final sentiment is so matter-of-fact, like a kid would say it*Star*

Reading aloud, the beat flows pretty evenly, and the images are visual and vivid ~ like S.Silverstein's^_^ ~ I would suggest for your consideration, a period or dash after "I'm ready. ..." and after "I'm leaving now. ..." for consistency with the rest of the poem where you use punctuation very effectively, making me pause for just a moment before reading on.

Thank you for sharing this fun poem^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Your description and stories about the many beauties make me want to visit there, to walk with you and cool my feet also in her waters after long walks exploring the places and meeting the people. Providing a vignette of each location, as you do earlier with your family group, ties it all together as a series of life experiences and joys, Friuli being more than a place, but a reality, a way of being.

I like the description of all your happinesses as medicine ~ a word usually associated with something unpleasant, you recreate as a symbol of joy given by family, friends, and this beautiful place, Friuli.

I hope you are able to return there time and again and "Life the Life Friuli" ...

Thank you for sharing this uplifting, beautifully evocative work^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Did You Daddy?  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is so powerfully visual, each stanza evokes a more and more terrifying image, pulling me forward to the next. I keep hoping for something to happen to stop the inevitable, but it doesn't happen. So heartrending and, I think in the end, probably true. The violence and anger took over, destroying a life.

Reading aloud, the beat of the lines is forceful and compelling, moving me forward. I am slowed in but a couple places, and offer the following suggestions for your consideration,
In the third line, try remoing the first word "As" and begin with "I hear..." ~ see how that feels reading aloud;
the same with the third stanza fourth line, cosider deleting the second occurrence of "would", i.e., "That today would be the day I die" ??
and eighth stanza, try "When I know you are so near"

Thank you for offering this thought provoking work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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381
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is such a beautiful piece, so poignant and reflective, a sense of love and peace comes with the lump in my throat as I read the final statement. An easy transition to the past to give the backstory, and I like the focus item of the rocking chair, as well.

one tiny nit, I think that John would be more accurately "lost to his thoughts," ???

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Who among us can honestly say that one of our parents did nothing that absolutely mortified us in public at some point in time^_^ I enjoyed reading your example ~ well written story with a lot of great visual impact. I can see myself standing next to you at the store and feeling absolutely totally embarrassed*Thumbsup*

just a couple of spots I have a comment for your consideration ~ "ogle at" consider simply "ogle"; and "traumatize" (spelling*Blush*)

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your physical description of Sally Gulford is detailed, perhaps more so than Roy McLaird (thanks for the link, I read him to get a better sense of Sally). I think that, being a character sketch, you should include perhaps how or why she came to Australia from Los Angeles and I get the impression that she is recently divorced or separated from her despondency, but I don't feel sympathy for her ~ is that your intent? I think I would feel some given a little bit of her backstory.

I like the reference to the verandah again. The comparison of her musing on what has passed and lost dreams contrasts with Roy looking for a future.

Where she looks at her daughter, ruffling her hair ~ it's a bit unclear as to whether she or her daughter's face is tilted sideways and who the subsequent description is until I read further, realizing it's Sally. Perhaps end the comment about her daughter with a description of whether she is like or unlike Sally, then continue with Sally ruffling her hair?

I look forward to reading about the other characters and how they fit with these two^_^

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like Roy as a protagonist. Your physical description is vivid and offers hints to his habits (3 burgers ~ eaten alone) as well as his being a hard worker. I like the image of the verandah where he sits watching life go by and muses on it passing him by as he does so.

I can easily visualize him in a mystery, romantic story, perhaps more once you introduce other characters. I suggest that Roy's a keeper and you should keep developing his past, define his job or any friends he might have or a pet or hobby?

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of An Autumn Moon  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your writing offers some beautiful visuals, setting a serene scene and describing Autumn Moon with sensory detail to draw me in to the story*Star* I also like the way you pull the two parts of the story together by having Summer paraphrase Edward's refrain. The ending also reinforces the supernatural come true.

I note but a couple of comments for your consideration where I was slowed a bit.

In the first visual description of Autumn Moon, consider a return to your earlier description, with a bit more visual, i.e., something like, "Although her face was averted, he could still see her beauty in the graceful cheekbones surrounding a pert, small nose."

Also, near the ending, a fragment can perhaps be combined while still reinforcing the images from the first encounter, i.e., "Edward had no name, no substance, as if levitating above the ground."

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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Review of My Heart  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, I enjoyed reading your poem ~ it sends me a message about finding oneself and learnng to like myself without needing validation from the outside/others. Well written, the poignant images in the beginning draw me forward from one stanza to the next, similar to the personal growth depicted in your poem.*Thumbsup*

Reading aloud, the flow is rather smooth and I find myself being drawn through the poem from one stanza to the next very naturally.

one grammar nit ~ period . and comma , are always within quotes, i.e., "Love you that way."

Thank you for sharing this provocative work^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate
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387
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


So vivid, in the moment ~ you describe so well how the outer surface shown to the world not only masks who lives inside, but keeps them from getting to know that person, keeps them away. The intensity and force of your images just get stronger with each stanza. Not fitting in, always being on the periphery, and it seems no one is aware.

Reading aloud, I am pulled from one stana to the next; so powerful yet in a way subtly written. The beat flows pretty smoothly, also.

The images, your thought-provoking words, remain with me after I have finished reading.

Thank you for offering this provocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Review of Just Yesterday  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


How true, it seems the older we get, the closer the past seems, and the faster time seems to move ~ you say it so well here.

The images are beautiful, and rhyming within the stanzas and the same for the last line of each stanza adds continuity to sense of a time-line.*Thumbsup* Memorable phrases also "teetered and tottered...toddled away." Great visual images*Star*

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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389
389
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Powerfully written with increasingly provocative images; the chorus is memorable "eggshells rule my day" alone is a thought provoking image; and "Soul trapped inside a clouded eye" evokes an image of tears, anger, fear.

Reading aloud, each stanza propels me forward to the next, and the chorus definitely ties the images together for me. I am slowed but in one spot, the fourthe line, I stumble a bit on "I pinch my flesh with no flinch" ~ consider the sound of "I pinch my flesh without a flinch" ~ the natural emphasis falling on alternate syllables???

Thank you for offering this heart-wrenching work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Review of One Last Time  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


A beautifully worded tribute for your friend's loss; the images and simple pleas are so heart rending and visual. Each stanza holds an image and moves me forward to the next, ending with the final plea.

Reading aloud, I am slowed in but one spot, the third stanza, where you switch from past to present tense, perhaps consider keeping consistency and present as the rest of the poem ~ i.e. "The kids are crying" and the final long line, "They picture you walking through the door."??? just a thought to keep with the sibilant flow of the rest of the images...

The images are powerful and stay with me after having finished reading.

Thank you for offering this poignant work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Review of Toe Jam  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Truly a "lovely rhyme" ~ "washed out in a week" ~ hilarious*Bigsmile* Reading aloud, the pacing and rhyming flows pretty smoothly, and the visual imagery is creative and fun!

just a couple of nits ~ spelling ~ "Definitely" in place of "Definately" and "utmost" in place of "upmost"*Blush*

Thank you for offering this delightful read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Review of The Inner Child  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is beautifully written, poignant and leaves me reflecting on an image of a child reaching for the stars, knowing she will reach them... then how we lose that sight, that belief. I am left reflecting on the images your words evoke after having finished reading.

Reading aloud, the images flow from one to the other in ever swifter cadence, Powerful ending, reflective.

Thank you for sharing^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of The Ghosthunt  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this, you build to a seriously ominous crescendo quickly with impact, then say it was a joke, but return to the ominous when you infer there will be ghosts within a strict word limit. I am left wondering if it will be the speaker of the poem*Star*

One tiny suggestion where I slow a bit ~ in place of "who were" roving perhaps state where or why they were roving ~ i.e., something like "...Jade and Carlyn roving the halls." or "...Jade and Carlyn roving aimlessly." ??

I think this can be the start of an interesting short horror story, or flash, if you are so inclined*thumsup*.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is absolutely beautiful^_^ The images progress from stanza to stanza drawing me forward as if telling a story; the rhyming and pace is natural and unforced.

Definitely worthy of the blue ribbon i see*Star*

Good luck publishing*Smile*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Here I sit  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for offering this thought-provoking poem. The images progress with the opening line of each stanza defining it, then propelling me toward the next. I see a story of love unreturned or unknown. Poignant and heartwrenching.

Well written with natural rhyme when read aloud.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of I am afraid  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poem is very intense and vivid, each stanza grouping of similar images seem to reinforce a theme, then draw me to the next. Reading aloud, I find myself reflecting on the images after having finished my reading.

I am slowed but in two places, do you mean to say "piece" of mind or "peace" of mind?

and in the second last stanza, you conclude with past tense ("You always lied"), where the rest of the images are all present tense ~ cosider the singular "lie" , which I don't think would damage the integrity of the rhyming, but maintain the same tense as the other three images in that stanza, and the poem up to that point?

Thank you for offering this provocative and powerfully worded poem.
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Distant Star  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I think your story has much potential and I enjoy the details you include, and how centered in tradition, even when stressed by the deadline and fears that even know the work is good, it would not be well received, taking comfort in traditions and familiar routines*Star*

The fame and fortune at the end will hopefully be real for you one day*Smile*

Since you've asked, I suggest making the voice a bit more active.
For example, your opening paragraph opens gently, the first two sentences telling me that although she is focused and intense in her art, she is outwardly calm*Star*
I suggest something more active for the next two, perhaps combining them something like -
"She purposely ignored the cold sweat trickling down the back of her neck as she finished her last stroke."
then continue in the more active voice, "With a studied and critical eye, she examined the final portrait. She put her pen down on the table and smiled softly. Exhausted, her eyes slowly closed
and she drifted off to a peaceful sleep with pleasant dreams."

this is just an attempt to show you a slight variation on your words to make the story more active without, I hope, changing the pace.

if you think it works, try it for the next paragraph^_^

I really did enjoy reading and I wish you success with your Manga.*Smile*

Thank you for offering this story of hope!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …/i}
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Review of Loving you  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


For a few brief moments, you make me believe such passionate love actually exists to make your 'soul dance'... Thank you for sharing these beautiful, evocative images of true love*Star*


Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …/i}
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399
399
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I find this to be a powerfully written, image driven poem, almost an invocation. "leaving behind a path of pearl." ~ such a visual image*Star* and the conclusion again so vivid, your words remain with me after I finish reading aloud.

Thank you for sharing this provocative and heartrending work*Star*
Keep Writing!
Kate
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400
400
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Such deep sentiment, each line a visual portrait. The words, especially the conclusion, speaks to anyone who has sustained a deep loss.

Than you for sharing this powerful, evocative work.

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …/i}
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