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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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301
301
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for this delightful diatribe. The examples are imaginative and vividly portrayed, I can imagine feeling something slither across my leg, and I laughed at the snake-sighting in the pool image. Your concluding paragraph about the remote control definitely reaffirms the theme - vacation is for true leisure.*Smile*

The pacing of the story/essay is even, and each example clear and vividly portrayed in an enjoyable way. I found myself looking forward to the next paragraph and example.*Thumbsup*

The voice is fairly even. One small note, in the opening, a shift in tense "my husband will inevitably ask" and you answer "is the same" consider for consistency, perhaps "my hustand inevitably asks" ??

Thank you for offering this delightful read, and I hope this summer's vacation is in a place luxurious!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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302
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


You write with such vivid description, I can see a musician marching in a parade perhaps with his high school band; somehow prevented from doing so. The message of support for the group adds a poignant note at the end.

Reading aloud, the rhythm is fairly even, with stress mainly falling on key words. Consider a bit more showing in place of telling, to put me in the moment, i.e., eliminating "And" and "the" in the fourth line first stanza, and start with "Wearing clean white gloves." a bit more vivid showing.

Thank you for offering this reflective work and hope to see one where he is back with the band!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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303
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for this delightful poem ~ if trees cared to speak what they had seen and heard over time ~ reflective and beautifully written with some great conclusions ~ i am left with some great images after having finished reading*Heart* Even without the explanation, it's easy to follow the vivid imagery.

Reaing aloud, the flow of the story is natural, and the beat of the stanzas fairly even.

Thank you for offering this really beautiful work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of THE ONE I MISS  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for offering this beautiful love story. A tribute to a great friend. I should have caught on with the amber eyes, but didn't until the end. Well done*Thumbsup*

Some beautiful imagery opens the piece, and I can see the "whitecaps playing chase with the early morning sun's reflection..." (intense*Heart*)

Note just a bit of telling in place of showing, i.e., more active, something like, "He looked a bit scruffy, but had a certain charm, which attracted me immediately."

Thank you again for offering this poignant and beautiful love story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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305
305
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I have never been to an actual re-enactment, and your story has kindled my interest in seeing one! As well as the interesting historical tibits relating ot same! Well done.

I note a bit of redundancy with superlatives an some telling in the piece. For example "I waited for that day in anticipation." in anticipation of what? we know by reading the rest of the piece, but suggest something like "...scheduled for June 4, 2005, and my anticipation grew exponentially as the day neared."

also, next paragraph, "after we left and we arrived" suggest simply "when we arrived at the Reunion,"

The paragraph describing the women's rights, prohibition and treatment of wounds and illness. "how it tore families apart" I presume refers to alcohol and suggest forming the paragraph around that item. Good ending re use of whiskey for anesthesia, but "it's amazing" again asks what is amazing i.e., tht anyone survived, that the prohibition activists rallied against whiskey?"

also a couple of spell nits i.e., mannequin (in place of manikin), and I'm not certain, but believe it's a "re-enactment" of a past battle, in place of "enactment" ??

I like this piece and can see it inviting me to enjoy a good time while learning new and intersting little known historical facts, presented in an enjoyable manner.
Thank you for offering this inviting work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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306
306
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


First, I must tell you that after reading this thought provoking lament of a flower, I walked about and checked on all my indoor plants, and some did need tlc. Your images really got into the thought stream of what a neglected flower or plant could be going through. I'm glad this one was saved^_^

Reading aloud, the meter and flow are fairly even and each stanza works well to portray an image and move me to the next.


Thank you for offering this little call to action from the plant's point of view!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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307
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Wonderful satire! Deliciously politically incorrect as well^_^ The imagery vivid and clear; each paragraph details items that are recycled (stockpiled*Rolleyes*. The conclusion/summation is actually thought-provoking and would lead to some lively discussion*Smile*

one item is a bit slowing, your use of the word "cause" in the conclusion. If you are thinking to shorted "because," then an apostrophe before the word i.e., 'cause or just say "because" and perhaps other words with like meaning instead of repeating in several consecutive sentences?

I really enjoyed reading this and did a bit of outright laughing at some of the images*Thumbsup* while the conclusion actually was well played with wit as food for thought*Thumbsup*

Good Luck in the Contest ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

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308
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, what a delightful way to describe an awful process (no, not getting older, but having to take all those pills); visually very descriptive (i.e., that my lips help to leave on my hips) ~ I an relate.

I see free verse or a story poem here, the pictures descriptive and imaginative, easy to relate*Thumbsup*

I note a few places I was slowed, i.e., "keep my brain alert, but also quite" (do you wish to say quiet or did a word go missing quite _____ ??

"so it all" and "any at all" = using the same word to end the line??

and a bit of mixing of tenses, i.e., "there's the ones I take to cool me down..."

I'm glad I saw your post in the Noticing Newbies Newsletter and look forward to reading more of your work. You have a droll, wry humor that I personally enjoy.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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309
Rated: E | (5.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is truly a beautiful work of art. The images rendered with loving tenderness. Each reading elicits a tear. A love story in poetic form.

I can find no error in pacing or flow in this tribute.


Thank you for offering this beautiful description of true pure love!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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310
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


From the opening paragraph, I too knew they would not be having pizza. Very well portrayed, disturbing and realistic story. I was immediately drawn into the moment and each image as Suze remembered the other instances pulled me further into their story. The realization at the end that though both were damaged, at least Suze realized it and by so doing, was stronger than her mother.*Thumbsup*

The plotting is excellent, and I note very little telling, with very natural and realistic conversation to move the story along. All believable.


Thank you for offering this moving and heartrending story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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311
311
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I really enjoyed the vivid imagery; engaged all my senses, vision taste touch; very descriptive, taking me into the moment.

Reading aloud, I note the rhythm is fairly even and carries the image forward, one line and picture to the next. Right near the end, a couple of the adjectives slow the pace a bit, i.e., consider something like "It will shine on slow moving rivers." (I eliminated "For") and "I love the warmth and beauty it delivers." (again see how it sounds to you, how it flows, with "and" removed)

Thank you for offering this beautiful poem!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Horror Story  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I like the premise of your story, the innocent shower and the twist at the end. Great flash fiction, with all the elements of a story well met, plot conflict, kept in the theme. I did not suspect the perpetrator at all, so you kept his identity well hidden

I do note some telling rather than showing, i.e., where she thinks then reaches for the phone to call Ted, a bit more immediate would be something like "Karmen's first thought was to call Ted, her boyfriend. The sound of glass breaking in the kitchen, however, told her she had to act now." I also note a few download errors of spelling, i.e., scolding in place of scalding, shreeked in place of shrieked.

Karmen also didn't know he was unconscious, but presumed it.

I like this story, and believe it has much potential as a mystery with a good twist.


Thank you for offering this delightful thriller!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of The Lure  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the use of personification, and each stanza can stand on its own as well as be part of the whole poem. They are somewhat like invocations, something to go back to when the muse is hiding *Smile*

Reading aloud, the words flow rather smoothly, the beat fairly even.

Thank you for offering this thought enjoyable poem!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Jealousy  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Intense images in each stanza; the use of rhyme and beginning the first and third lines of the first and second stanzas with the same pronoun add impact to the visual imagery. Then comparing his feelings with hers right at the end adds extra poignancy*Thumbsup*

Reading aloud, the first line appears just a bit off balance by trying to conform to the pronoun usage, in place of 'gazes' consider a one syllable word perhaps 'peers' or something like that, see how you think the rhythm then feels. Also the last stanza, switching to plural an then back to immediate singular is a bit jarring, consider perhaps "affection ... is" for balance???

Thank you for offering this poignant, heartrending work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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315
315
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Such an entertaining yet reflective piece on (gulp) middle age - as easy to relate to for someone in their mid to late 30s as well as mid to late 50s (in other words, any time after we are no longer carded for liquor at the supermarket). Good opening, and pleasing conversational story telling style. The examples are well posed, and the conclusion arrived at in logical progression. Switching tenses is mainly smooth as well.

Thank you for offering this enjoyable story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Untitled  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Beautiful imagery, reminiscent of a senryu, the moon's light personified.

Reading aloud, I can picture the light as strands and dreams both.

I note a bit of conflict for me in "soft light" and "starlight" and "their vast sea." would it be more accurate an image with "its vast sea" ???


Thank you for offering this !
Keep Writing!
Kate
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317
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed this story ~ creative idea of a challenge, as well as a great idea for family time outside the perennial box*Star*

The story itself is well plotted, and flows rather smoothly into the challenge. and there are some vivid images "muttering mutinously" conveys such a realistic image of a teen not getting her way. Satisfactory ending, as well, with the winning 'appliance.'

There is a bit of telling in place of showing, i.e., first line of third paragraph; consider reversing the two images for more immediate visual impact?

Thank you for offering this delightul story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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318
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Writing as if this were occurring in the present is very visual, immediate. Interspersed with visions of the future, "butterflies will start..." and, of course, the final ingredient, remembrance.

Reading aloud, rhyming pulled the images together, although the rhythm of the stanzas seemed a bit uneven at times.

Thank you for offering this powerful, thought provoking 'recipe' for remembrance!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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319
319
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This made me feel almost a battle of words, or colors. The back and forth point and counterpoint very creative, and use of the colors described also added emphasis to the images/colors introduced; made me think of 'dueling banjos.' Like the droll ending*Smile*

Thank you for offering this delightul piece!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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320
320
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I like the story of Reginald. I could sense the satire, and knew somehow Reginald would mess up, but you made the journey there very enjoyable*Smile* Giving him back his original form and then his ultimate resting place was actually realistic, rather than a 'happy' ending. Again very satisfying.

Very little telling instead of showing, i.e., consider the 4th paragraph, inverting the first sentence for more immediacy, i.e., "A loud knocking on the front door interrupted his reverie over his miserable existence." (reverie isn't right, but I'm trying to show a bit more active and visual).

The converations are all very natural and easy to follow.

I really enjoyed the story, Reginald as a sympathetic and flawed protagonist works well for me.

Thank you for offering this very enjoyable story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of the river  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I really like the imagery you convey, both haste and peace in one image. It works well visually*Smile*

I note that you use a comma in the third line, consider perhaps also after the first, as it seems to me reading aloud to be a separate thoughtlet?

Reading aloud, the rhythm and flow are fairly smooth, and easy to follow, the peaceful image lingering after I have finished reading.

Thank you for offering this evocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Trees in Spring  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Beautiful imagery, very picturesque and it makes me feel peaceful somehow, similar to a chain Haiku with two images.*Smile*

I note in "Birth of newborns burst forth" ~ "burst" relates to "birth" as written, so would be more logical as "bursting" or "bursts" (bursts sounds off, I think) ??? what think you?

Thank you for offering this evocative poem!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Great idea to survey after the contest. Good questions covered the various facets of the contest, multiple choices for responses. The opportunity to comment, and offering the opportunity to voice a more detailed response via email also a bonus!

Thank you for a great experience!
Kate
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Review of Dust Bunny  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


A thoroughly delightful poem, personifying the little dust bunny. The rhyming is sing-song and the images are fun and playful. I can picture each character, even the vile vacuum*Star*

I note but one line where, reading aloud, it seemed the words were forced to fit the rhyme,
the third line fourth stanza
"Since he left dust footprints"
and the last line
"He'd always outrun"
sound like the words are being pushed to fit the rhyme.

I can easily see this in a children's poetry book or perhaps Highlights?

I thank you for sharing and wish you luck with the "Dust Bunny"

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

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Review of Letter Home  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed reading your 'letter' poem. It did read like a letter would in rhyme*Smile* Making mention of the kitchen sink, cute*Smile*

The rhyming words held the images in each paragraph together well, but reading aloud they sometimes sounded a bit forced. i would suggest you try deleting a few of the pronouns and see how you think it sounds as far as the beat and rhythm of the stanzas.
i.e., something like -
"I admit I was pleasantly confounded
Discoering your warnings completely unfounded"

This would be a fun children's poem, I think, and wish you luck with it*Thumbsup*

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

{image:976770]

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