\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/manga_kate/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14
Review Requests: OFF
1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
Previous ... 10 11 12 13 -14- 15 16 17 18 19 ... Next
326
326
Review of the gulf at night  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

** Image ID #1092289 Unavailable **

Thank you for this trip to the gulf ~ you describe this in such vivid detail, I can feel the sand and smell the ocean, though I have never in reality been there, feel the sand "squeak a bit," *Thumbsup*

It does actually feel spiritual as you state.

Technically, the stream of though is effective, but may be more so if separated into a few sentences to focus the eye on the images you convey so well individually.

Thank you for sharing this experience.
Keep Writing!
Kate
{Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Gossamer Angel Wings*Heart*

** Image ID #1092169 Unavailable **

~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Merit Badge in Editing [Click For More Info] Congratulations on winning the [Link To Item #1040577] ! You have proven yourself to be the pride of Writing.com not just as a reviewer, but an editor par excellence! Continue to grow and improve and, of course, grace your fellow members (and the reviewing page) with your stunning feedback. ** Image ID #933706 Unavailable ** Badge over display limit. -?-


327
327
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really beautiful, speaks from and to the spirit of the poet; the word images flow from one stanza to the next with poignant power.

When reading aloud, I feel the binding chains and the voice freed for a moment by the written word. The image stays with me after I have finished reading.

Reading aloud, I have but one comment on the depersonalization of the man "that" has toiled, perhaps consider "who" has toiled?
The pacing and beat is fairly even, each stanza leading to the next smoothly.

Thank you for sharing this provocative and powerful work.
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Image ID #1092289 Unavailable **


{Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Gossamer Angel Wings*Heart*

** Image ID #1092169 Unavailable **

~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Merit Badge in Editing [Click For More Info] Congratulations on winning the [Link To Item #1040577] ! You have proven yourself to be the pride of Writing.com not just as a reviewer, but an editor par excellence! Continue to grow and improve and, of course, grace your fellow members (and the reviewing page) with your stunning feedback. ** Image ID #933706 Unavailable ** Badge over display limit. -?-


328
328
Review of Andrew  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


You convey Sage's loyalty and love very well, as well as a hint of regret at the lifestyle she is missing, along with the anger at her absent father, whose presence she thinks might have made things different, perhaps easier. She also has an acceptance of her life and 'attitude' which I like.

The story is well well told, with sufficient explanation of Andrew's illness and you provide a clue as to Ana's situation, and the ending choked me up both times I read the story.

I note there is a bit of telling instead of showing, for example, "The nighs at the shelter always consisted of Andrew sitting on the corner of the bed..." ~ consider rewording to put me there next to Andrew and Sage.

Also note a bit of variance in the point of view ~ i.e., the previous paragraph told in third person about Sage's mother.

You weave some really vivid insights into the thoughts and feelings of the characters, i.e., Andrew's friendship with the mailman and how well he new his dog*Star* ~ shows the real knowledge and experience you have*Thumbsup*

I note a few places where past and present tense conflict, and some of the sentence strucure, i.e., partial sentences. Also, starting several paragraphs in a row with "Ana"

But these do not detract from the beautiful story, told with insight, of friendship and loyalty that transcended poverty, social neglect. I really found myself liking the characters and you conveyed for them all both strength and weaknesses{e;star}

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
329
329
Review of Sleep at last  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your poem engages all my senses; visually very vivid and the beat of the lines and rhyming adds a sense of guns or beating of drums, soldiers marching *Thumbsup*

In reading aloud, there's a staccato beat to the whole poem, amplified by the comma separation within stanzas, the mahcine gun sound*Star* The beat of the lines is a bit uneven, and with the comma separation I would look for it to be more symmetrical.

In the fourth stanza, suggest for a bit more balance, delete "down" ~ see how it sounds to you, I don't believe it would detract from the visual image.

Also, "was lacked" in the next stanza seems to be set there for the rhyming?

Thank you for offering this thought provoking work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
330
330
Review of On Being A Dad!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Each one of the images are so true for any parent ~ although you know when they really need somebody or are sick, then it's still "Daddy"

Reading aloud, the stanzas fit well together, comparing a past 'event' and its present counterpart*Thumbsup* The pacing was fairly even thoughout.

Your words entertain and delight^_^

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

{image:976770]

{image:1015814}
331
331
Review of content  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the way you start off nice and mellow, romantic, and then end tongue in cheek ~ nice twist

Reading aloud, there's a pleasing flow to the words, and the images are vivid, I can see the flashing orange and red in the fireplace*Thumbsup*

Suggested for your consideration, separate into two stanzas, with the second starting with "The fire flashes ...", see if you think they fit that was as individual images within the whole; I'm uncertain about ending two lines with the same word? "red"

Also in the beat of the lines (I'm figuring each comma would separate a line were this in stanzas), the beat falters a bit in one place for me, suggest "we push our worries aside" ??? and delete "will" from the final line.

Thank you for offering this great image poem*Smile*

Keep Writing!
Kate
** Image ID #1092289 Unavailable **


{Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Gossamer Angel Wings*Heart*

** Image ID #1092169 Unavailable **

~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Merit Badge in Editing [Click For More Info] Congratulations on winning the [Link To Item #1040577] ! You have proven yourself to be the pride of Writing.com not just as a reviewer, but an editor par excellence! Continue to grow and improve and, of course, grace your fellow members (and the reviewing page) with your stunning feedback. ** Image ID #933706 Unavailable ** Badge over display limit. -?-


332
332
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is written with such vivid imagery ~ you truly speak words that must reach the spirit of every writer here!! The description of the process of how words come to life on paper, then the lament on how they are maniputated and cheapened by mass media; then returning to the strength of the written word. Each paragraph has a vivid and memorable conclusion, written in near poetic prose.

Your concluding statement lingers with me after I have finished reading.

Thank you for offering this great treatise on writing!

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

{image:976770]

{image:1015814}
333
333
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is a beautiful story of a lasting friendship ~ we choose our friends and hopefully treasure them as these two have shown ~ to last even past death ~ beautifully related here*Star*

I was slowed in a few places and offer a few suggestions here for your consideration. You open with a lot of names and I am a bit confused as to who is getting married, had to go back to reread that they both are ~ suggest something in the first paragraph to state that their weddings are planned for the same date? or for dates but a few weeks apart? which is why they are each shopping for a veil or headdress.

Also, a couple of places, I note dropped words in your upload, i.e., "Nadine extracted her purse from her inner pocket."

When you state that they were back in "regular clothes," perhaps describe ~ i.e., jeans, shorts, whatever they are wearing to show me.

Where "Eve followed, looking concerned." suggest a bit more show than tell, something perhaps like "Eve followed, frowning with concern." ???

Another dropped word, "Everythig is going according to plan."

The scene in the hospital, again, I had to reread to determine whose wedding would be moved up? perhaps another line of conversation, or description?

Also, when pinning on the veil, using the last name, perhaps instead identify Jean as Eve's second-best friend (if that's what she is?)...

Absolutely beautiful ending, stays with me, "the future that seemed to blend with the past as she carried both." ~ had to note it, it's so vivid*Heart*

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

334
334
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I was angered and saddened by your story, well told with honesty and passion. You interspersed facts with personal details very well, so it is one that many who have lost children in a similar manner can realte to*Star*

A few places slowed me just a bit technically, using "that" to describe people instead of "who" in several places, i.e. suggest something like "...in a home with parents who could take better care of them than us."

Also, "...someday they will want to see Howard and me again."


Thank you for offering this thought-provoking and heart rending work!

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #976770 Unavailable **

335
335
Review of Dexter  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is such a beautiful tribute to an obviously wonderful child; a love story pure and simple. The images you share add insight into both the condition and how you and Dexter have overcome it in your own way. The feelings they evoke stay with me after I have finished reading.

Reading aloud, the beat and flow are rather even; and each stanza gives me pause to reflect before sending me forward to seek the next image.

Thank you for sharing these beautiful images of pure love!

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

336
336
Review of The Loner  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tour words speak truth with such vivid imagery*Star* The lone poet or writer, whose spoken words go unheard, until the muse finally gives up.

Reading aloud, I am drawn into the images, the rhyming of key images is powerful. The image of the chair in the corner ~ there but invisible.

Reading aloud, I am slowed only a bit by the long first line, consider perhaps separating into two? for symmetry if you don't think it would detract from your image. Also, using "so" twice in a line "So he hates the world that is so cruel" ~ ??? just a couple thoughts from my muse to yours.

Thank you for sharing this powerfully written, provocative work. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1092289 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Gossamer Angel Wings*Heart*

** Image ID #1092169 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #976770 Unavailable **

337
337
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for sharing this joyous reflection of love. Each stanza depicts an image I pause momentary with before being lead to the next image. Beautiful wish as well ~ to be able to love the thought of growing old with someone, with passion daily renewed.

Reading aloud, the phrasing and beat is fairly even and flows well in the conversational style you adopt.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

338
338
Review of Cloud Watching  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


So beautifully written, with such realism from the butterfly's point of view. I couldn't stop reading each time ~ and the images stay with me after i have finished.

One tiny thing, I suggest not giving it away ~ "...she began what might be the last flight she would take." ??? instead of being omniscient

Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing.


Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

339
339
Review of Crickets  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is such a vivid image ~ going through the night with the chorus of crickets, to end in a mellow psalm as morning draws nigh *Star*

I'm left with a feeling of quiet joy after reading aloud.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful image in words.

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

340
340
Review of Sigh of Spring  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed not only the word images, but the colors also setting the mood of spring ~ life itself wakening in colorful array*Smile*

The flow of the images, the beat of the stanzas is smooth,

some really wonderful images leave me smiling a moment after having finished my reading aloud*Star* bringing it all full circle with the butterfly ~ good touch...

Thank you for offering this great read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

341
341
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great idea ~ a wonderful sidebar to the contest forum for commiseration and fellowship after taking the daily plunge ^_^

Thanks for offering this challenge*Thumbsup*

Keep Writing!
Kate
Rune ~ taking chances
** Image ID #1092289 Unavailable **

~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Sig and my Gossamer Angel Wings*Heart*
** Image ID #1092169 Unavailable **

Merit Badge in Editing [Click For More Info] Congratulations on winning the [Link To Item #1040577] ! You have proven yourself to be the pride of Writing.com not just as a reviewer, but an editor par excellence! Continue to grow and improve and, of course, grace your fellow members (and the reviewing page) with your stunning feedback. ** Image ID #933706 Unavailable ** Badge over display limit. -?-

342
342
Review of Dad  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Obviously written with love ~ holding on to the last vestiges of who he is...

Reading aloud, much pathos, the disease is described all too well. Accurate use of the palindrome form; and the beat of the lines flows fairly smoothly.

Thank you for sharing this poignant work.
Keep Writing,
Kate
wistful rune
RAOK's logo image. This is a shared image, so feel free to use its item number.
343
343
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to express my gratitide for the encouragement and fellowship I've received since the day I first joined writing.com.

My Muse, long dormant, is awake and growing stronger and braver every day. My skin is no thicker, but I know that criticism is not personal here, but a guide. Also, the constant encouragement to review the work of others is a wonderful learning tool, not only to improve my own writing skills, but to read and appreciate different styles and forms of writing.

Thank you,
Kate
344
344
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your story moved me to tears. Such a beautiful message of pure love. I like the way you described the common ordinary worry in a conversational style, and surface concerns, then how they disappeared with the heartfelt and tender words so simply spoken. An uplifting message for the heart*Heart*

A minor technical nit, check the apostrophes in possessive words for singular and plurals. Also, some of the fragmented sentences could perhaps be combined into sentences, linked with commas or re-formed for ease in reading.

A beautiful message, conveyed with simple honesty.
Thank you for sharing,
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Image ID #1092163 Unavailable **

~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Sig and my Gossamer Angel Wings*Heart*
** Image ID #1092169 Unavailable **

Merit Badge in Editing [Click For More Info] Congratulations on winning the [Link To Item #1040577] ! You have proven yourself to be the pride of Writing.com not just as a reviewer, but an editor par excellence! Continue to grow and improve and, of course, grace your fellow members (and the reviewing page) with your stunning feedback. ** Image ID #933706 Unavailable ** Badge over display limit. -?-



345
345
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You tell the story so matter-of-factly from the third person view, as if it is one of the children speaking, remembering the past. Some really vivid images and beautiful prose ("angel's shoes").

I am glad you stated the futures of all the children, as it told me they survived the fire, at least.

A suggestion for your consideration ~ using "the woman" repeatedly ~ consider "she" or "her" occasionally where appropriate to refer to her actions??? Also, the little girl not realizing about the matches would not be omniscient if noted when they are wakened by the smoke and told to open the windows, perhaps?

Thank you for sharing this heart rending story,
Keep Writing!
Kate
346
346
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the easy conversational style of this piece and the way you weave your love of the coffee aisle {check your aisle (coffee) v isle (Bermuda), however). Your reflection on the tender memory of childhood and how it is carried forward to adulthood is really beautiful. Comparing your father's morning routine to "a peaceful stirring" ~ very visual ~ I can see it*Star*

Reading aloud, I am slowed upon occasion where you switch present and past, so do recheck that for consistency, along with a bit of telling instead of showing.

thank you for sharing this beautiful memory!
Keep Writing, fellow Clevelander
Kate
** Image ID #1092163 Unavailable **

~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Sig and my Gossamer Angel Wings*Heart*
** Image ID #1092169 Unavailable **

Merit Badge in Editing [Click For More Info] Congratulations on winning the [Link To Item #1040577] ! You have proven yourself to be the pride of Writing.com not just as a reviewer, but an editor par excellence! Continue to grow and improve and, of course, grace your fellow members (and the reviewing page) with your stunning feedback. ** Image ID #933706 Unavailable ** Badge over display limit. -?-





347
347
Review of untitled  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is so disturbing, written with such detail as to engage all my senses ~ almost feel the gagging reflex ~ Sad study of how people come to accept what is abnormal as customary, and each finds his or her own way to deal with it (avoidace, phantom illness??)

I was slowed a bit "She screamed, I guess; like she did every night." suggest something ike this for consistency in the voice, expecially in the opening line to draw me in and pull me forward.

I also see two stories kind of occurring ~ the storyteller and her illness, her method of coping, and the mother's madness, calling the rescue squad while being able to dash down the stairs to greet them? Was her mother always mad, to have the vivid heart racing dreams, or it it a symbol or symptom to show how she was dealing with her mother's illness?

Very provocative, I thank you for sharing.

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

348
348
Review of Sojourner  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Both reflective and a challenge or wake-up call! I found myself reflecting on your words after having finished my reading*Star* Very visual and powerfully written*Thumbsup*

I note, in reading aloud, a bit of discord in changing voices, the third paragraph, "us" and "you" ~ consider perhaps either putting the statements of the universe in quotes, i.e., The universe shoults, "Your time is short here; ...from quiet and stillness." ? or if not quoted, consider a bit of re-wording to eliminate 'you' ?

In the first paragraph, "in the microscopic mitochondrea to the vastness..." perhaps "from the microscopic..." for consistency in the comparison?

The final paragraph, something like "The paths we take and those we choose not to follow..." ??? might sound more cohesive???

Also, check the punctuation, some of which apparently was misplaced in your upload.

Thank you for offering this thought-provoking work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

349
349
Review of Smiles  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is such a beautiful, uplifting prayer, written with sincerity and obvious joy*Star*

Reading aloud, the flow of the words is fairly even and I like the use of the individual images, i.e., "As I try" "As I live" etc... each gives me a moment of brief pause to reflect.

Thank you for offering this provocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

350
350
Review of Masquerade  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Such provocative and vividly intense images*Star* It's all so true...

Reading aloud, each stanza makes me pause momentarily to reflect on the image, then compels me forward. The ending image "Dreams shattered like crystalline paths." so vivid ~ visual and tactile image.

Reading aloud, the beat of some of the lines seems a little bit uneven in order to maintain rhyming.

Thank you for offering this thought provoking work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Image ID #1085994 Unavailable **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

** Image ID #1067047 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1015814 Unavailable **

454 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 19 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/manga_kate/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14