Hello Douglas returning,
My name is mmbabyfac and I am a proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . I saw this piece of yours on the reviewers items and thought it sounded interesting. I am so glad I did. The description of after 13 years is what drew in my attention. Recently (2weeks actually) I have become single after 13 years of a bad marriage and have definitely thought about writing a letter such as this. Although this is a gay/lesbian genre, it still pertains to alot of people whether gay or not. So there are a lot of people who can relate to your emotions in this piece. I think you did a great job of not rushing into the plot of this piece. You took your time describing the surroundings and characters involved. This is definitely an emotional and sad write you have here. I think you did wonderful with expressing true honest feelings, even if it took 13 years to do so. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: I have no suggestions for what is already in my opinion the best it can possibly be with your truthful, raw emotions. Thank you for sharing this piece and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Ann Ticipation,
My name is mmbabyfac and I am a proud member of the groups "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor and "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor ! This weekend the BDC group is participating a=in a review raid and it is my honor to be reviewing this piece on their behalf!
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. The title caught my attention immediately! I also think the description fits well with your piece. I understand the frustration your descriptive words are expressing in this piece. I think this is a poem a lot of people who actually know what is going on with the world today can relate to. I think this piece flows nicely with the rythme, style and meter. Nice use of descriptive words! I found no mispellings or grammer errors in this piece. Suggestions: In your line no longer listen, or hear, I think this would be easier to understand if you delete or hear as it is the same meaning as listen. Other than this one minor little detail I have enjoyed reading your opinions on this matter. I have enjoyed this read and I thank you for sharing. Please do write on!
Best wishes,
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Hello Tim Chiu,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Your title and description are what drew me into this write. I think they fit very well! This is in my opinion also a very inspirstional write and I am inpressed with the opinions and expressions in this write. I think this is a poem a lot of men should live by, sadly a lot do not. I think this poem flows well with your rhythm, style and meter. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: Other than maybe listing this as an inspirational poem as a genre I have no suggestions for you at this time. I have deeply enjoyed reading this write of yours and I thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Allen James,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I think your title and description of this piece fits into your poem well. This is a topic that a lot of people can emotionally relate to. I like your choice of descriptive words in this write to express your opinion. I think this piece flows very well with the rythme, style and meter. I found no mispellings either. Suggestions: I would suggest using more punctuation in this piece to give the reader a chance to breath without feeling rushed through each line. Other than this I think this is a very descriptive write you have here and I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Tim Chiu,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this write today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I just had to read this piece agfter reading the description. I enjoy bowling myself although i haven't done it in years. I feel that it is a stress reliever! I think you did a wonderful job with the rhythm in this write. As well I like the style. Very nice use of descriptive words to express the purpose of this game. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: I feel there is no need for changes in this already enjoyable read of yours. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello aligi,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Your title and description of this piece is what drew me into reading this. I think they fit well. Especially your description. You make us curious as to the question you ask. I think this is a question a lot of people have asked of themselves as well as others so I think this is a subject that should get peoples attention. I like the style and the flow of this piece. Suggestions: Mispellings: surrounds, maybe, and soul In the last stanza the first two lines- We may never know what may hold us together, i think it would read better as this/ We may never know what holds us together. In your line Deep within in please delete the in. It would read so much better without the repeat of in. Other than these few minor details I think with corrections this will be a very good write. As it is it is a subject that is always nice to see others opinions on. Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Tim Chiu,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. The title and description is what brought me into reading this piece of yours. At first I thought it was going to be a tragic type poem, phew on that note! I think you described the emotions, situation and surroundings in this poem very well. I like how you lead up to her departure instead of only focusing on the moment she left. I think this poem flows very well with the rhythme and style. This in my opinion is a very lovely romantic piece telling the one you love how much they were missed. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this already perfect read in my opinion!
Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Brandiwyn🎶Sprinting,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I like how you used the title in this piece. Never once did you say longing within your write, but you expressed longing with other descriptions. I feel that you used very good descriptive words as well to express your feelings in this piece. I think this is a poem a few people can relate to as well. Sadly. I think this poem flows very well with your rhythme, style, and meter. I like the fact that you used red text in this piece it makes it stand out better. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: I have no suggestions at this time for what in my opinion is already a perfectly written piece.
Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello MissyK,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinons only. The title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. I think you chose a good title for this piece. I find this piece very inspirational as well as encouraging. I wish more people felt this way about themselves as well as the rest of the world. Although this is a short piece, I think you did a good job expressing your opinions in this write. I think this write flows well with thee rhythm and style. Suggestions: You have mispellied soul in this piece. you wrote it as soal. I think that the description could use a little work. Maybe just use a line from your poem to give a hint to others as to what to look forward to. Other than these two things I think you have penned a pretty good write here and I thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Harris,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. The title and description is what drew me into reading this write. I think indeed that this is a write that a lot of women can relate to when they are in love. I think you described your emotions and feelings in this write very well. Nice descriptive words. Suggestions: I think the description could use a little more detail. In your sentences with Love, to me, is
you need to put commas in there.
[e:note3}You were repetative in your first 2 paragraphs with the thoughts of being breathless. Maybe you could delete or use some other form of expression on this. I found no mispellings in this write of yours. I think with a little bit more descriptions in this piece it will be a perfect read and write.
Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello RadioShea,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Your description and title of this piece is what drew me in. I think they fit quite well. I think in such a short story you were able to give very good details on the plot of this story. Now a days this is all too common an occurance and I think you described the emotions of this person perfectly.
[e:star}It's sad that he took his own life along with all his co workers. I would have liked to see him survive, but then it would take away from some of the drama in this piece. Suggestions: I found no grammer errors or mispellings and in all i think this is a very good story you have penned here.
Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello CrazyChel,
My name is mmbabyfac and i will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. For me personally it is a subject that I am dealing with this very day. So there ae a few people who can definitely relate to your lyrics here. I think there are some real raw emotions in this write of yours. I can tell you are definitley tired of this person. I think it flows very well with the rythme, style and meter. The red color makes it stand out and speak louder. I found no mispellings or grammer errors and i look forward to reading this again as you add more! Suggestions: I have no suggestions at this time for this emotional write of yours.
Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Redtowrite,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. The title and description is what brought me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I think they fit your poem here great. I can easily understand the purpose and meaning of this poem of yours. It is very detailed in that i can see that the father suffered and now the next generation must do the same. I agree with your poem here. Working should definitely not be the cause of someone's bad health sadly it is something that happens daily. I think this poem flows very well with the rythme and style. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: I have no suggestions for in my opinion this is already a perfect write.
Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Sarahhh,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this write of yours today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my persoanl opinions only. The title is what caught my attention and made me want to read this write of yours. I think the title fits well with your poem here. To me I feel that this is a poem written for someone who has been through some rough times and you want to show them that you are and will always be there for them. I think you did great with descriptions in this write. I feel a lot of emotion in this poem of yours. It makes the write easy to understand it's purpose. I think you did a wonderful job with the rhythm in this piece. I think the meter is well within the style. I did not find any forced rhymes in this piece. Suggestions: I think you should maybe work a bit on the description. It doesn't say anything about what this piece is about and I think you would get more reads if it described your poem some. In your line thats the truth you should use an apostriophy in that's. As well as your sentence thats just the way. I think you should take a look at your sentence It's is yours to be toyed with. Delete the is maybe? In your sentence you can see the happiness if you tried. I think you should work on this one. maybe you could see the happiness if you tried or you can see the happiness if you try. Other than these few minor details i like this poem of yours. I enjoyed the meaning behind the write and I thank you for sharing. Do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Helo scars,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . I saw this piece in the newbie section and it drew me in immediately. The description is definitely a part of this story you have penned in this poem. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Your emotions in this piece tell us how hurt you really are for your loss. I like the descriptive words you did use to describe your feelings as well. This is a poem that a lot of people who have lost a loved one can relate to. I think it flows very well with your rhythm and style. Suggestions: Leftbehind should be seperated. Left behind In your line people commit a felonies I think you could go back and tighten that line up a bit. Maybe people commit felonies would sound a little better? Other than that I think this is definitely a very emotional write and again i am sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello ImpulseZip,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . The title and description is what brought me into wanting to read this poem of yours. I was actually out looking to read some comedy's tonight! I think this poem is very cute about a little girls body parts leaving memories in your head. I think it flows very well with the rhythm and style as well. I did find a few areas that did give me the smiles I was looking for. I found no grammer errors or mispellings either. I have definitely enjoyed reading this lovely little poem you have written here.
I thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Ann Ticipation,
My name is mmbabyfac and I am a proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of our group. I really enjoyed the new style here. Very nice flow to it and it doesn't take away from the meaning you were portraying here. I think you used a very nice array of rhyming words to describe your felings in this piece. I agree that this piece should be read slowly. Very good use of descriptive words in my opinion. Makes the whole piece so very enjoyable to read. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. I have no suggestions for this already perfectly good read and write!
Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello J. A. Buxton,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please forgive me if I get a little personal with this review as it is just something I will not be able to help myself from.
This is truely an exciting and dramatic story. i found myself slowly reading and then speeding up as she was rushing him to the hospital!
I think you did great in seeting the plot up with this story. I was definately not rushed into it.
I was estatic about the details and descriptions in this piece. I could actually see this poor man on the ground in so much pain!
I think yuo did this contest entry with justice and it is an amazing read!
I definately loved the ending. Although i know it's supposed to be so dramatic it is quite funny as well and I was literally laughing so hard i woke up everyone in the house!
I do have one suggestion for you though. In your sentence the sight of him double over, I think would read better if you used doubled instead.
I didn't find anything else wrong in this piece and frankly could not rate it lower than a 5 for one tiny little thing.
Thank you so very much for this wonderful piece and good luck in the contest!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
Write On!
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Hello Used2BWild,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Wow now this is one of the best 55 word stories I have read! It had me rolling on the floor so much my husband had to see what was so funny! The title and description is why I wanted to review this piece. Sounded so very interesting! I am so glad I did! It definately fits the story well. I wonder how many people have experienced this same thing! Kinda very curious now! I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. suggestions: I think the two words longingly gazing kind of threw me off a bit. I had to read it over and over again. I would suggest maybe at least using a shorter term for longingly. Other than that I have really enjoyed this wonderful piece and I thank you so very much for sharing and making me laugh!
Do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello nitafraunshuh,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
now for your review: The title and description of this write was what brought me into wanting to read this. I think they fit the write perfectly! I think this is a wonderful tribute to a horse that made so many people happy. I can imagine he is enjoying his retirement now.
[e:star}I think this has a nice flow to it with the rhythm, style and meter. You used very nice descriptive words to express these emotions. I also like the fact that you added to this about where it was you got your inspiration for this write. Suggestions: I have no suggestions for this already perfect read and write. Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello teihzbael,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor ! Thank you for requesting a review.
Please know that my reviews are my perosnal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your writing, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: I think the description of this piece was very interesting. The title umm in my opinion doesn't fit very well. But it might just be me. I think you did good with descriptions in this piece. Also you caught my attention and kept it for the most part. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: I was confused once i reached the long paragraph about fantasy. I like the descriptions in this paragraph, but fail to see how most of it fits in with the rest of the story. I would work on either shortening that paragraph and emphasizing more on details behind your main topic, or work on the second and third paragraphs to lead up to the fantasy. I think this would end up beining a very good emotional write with a few changes here and there. Other than that I enjoyed reading this story.
Thank you again for requestind a review and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello teihzbael,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor ! thank you for requesting a review.
Please know that my reviews are my perosnal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: I think the title and description of this piece fit perfectly. I like how you started off not telling people why you are passing away, instead waiting till the end. Which frankly brought tears to my eyes. The ending also made me think a lot as well. I am of course against suicide, but you put up a pretty good defense. I think you used very good descriptions to show us how you were feeling and what you were feeling as you passed. I think this is a piece alot od people sadly can relate to. Suggestions:I have no suggestions at this time for this already emotional write. I found no spelling or grammer errors either. I really liked reading this story. It was very hard to take my attention off of this story.
Thank you again for requesting a review. It has been a pleasure reading this wonderfully written story.
Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello teihzbael,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor ! thank you for requesting a review.
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: The title and description were very interesting. Makes me want to read more. This is definately a twist on the norm for a story! Very interesting take on the life of a toilet. I think most of your descriptions were pretty good. I didn't find any mispellings either. Suggestions: I think this piece could have used a bit more descriptions in the piece. Like the family members of the second household. I get the impression that it wasn't a home at all. Could just be me though. Towards the end there are quite a few areas that need commas. I'm not that great with commas and their placings so I could be wrong. Over all impression: I think it is an interesting story and I enjoyed the fact that the toilet ended up at the home of it's plumer. I did get a chuckle from the very last line! Although I think it could use a little more I did enjoy reading this story!
Thank you again for requesting a review and for the good read. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello J. A. Buxton,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: The title and description of this write is what caught my attention and wanted to read this. This is a very interesting contest piece. Some people can get pretty darned creative can't they!? I was able to keep my attention focused on this story the whole time! I think you did a great job with the characters and their descriptions in this story as well. This is quite a funny little story you have written here as well. Usually a most imbarassing day for someone is always pretty much funny for someone else. I found no grammer errors or mispellings either. Suggestions:I have no suggestions for this already perfect write. I wish you luck in the contest!
Thanks for the great read and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Beth Barnett,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today for the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my perosnal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: I think the title and description are wonderfully descriptive of this poem of yours. I think this is a lovely poem indeed as well. I like the fact that you welcomed different translations! The english version is about all i can understand sadly but I think you used wonderful words to express love! In English, I found no misspellings or grammer errors either. I like the style and feel that this poem flows very well with the rhythm. Suggestions:
Other than finishing this piece with full translations I think this is a wonderful idea for a poem and think you did a great job in writing it! Thank you for the wonderful read and do write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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In your line no longer listen, or hear, I think this would be easier to understand if you delete or hear as it is the same meaning as listen.
I have enjoyed this read and I thank you for sharing. Please do write on!
I would suggest using more punctuation in this piece to give the reader a chance to breath without feeling rushed through each line.
In the last stanza the first two lines- We may never know what may hold us together, i think it would read better as this/ We may never know what holds us together.
In your line Deep within in please delete the in. It would read so much better without the repeat of in.
