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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your description of this piece is what drew me into reading this piece. I think it is a nice hint to what your poem is about.
This is definitely a subject a lot of people can relate to. An emotion that is often dealt with tenderly and carefully, but lost through one simple word or action. I think you did a great job describing what trust means to you.
I also like the details in that you describe how you have been hurt and it is because you gave it too freely and to the wrong person.
I like the style of your poem. I think it has a very nice flow to it as well. The meter was well within the style.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: I would suggest for a title to mention something about Lost Trust or I Trusted too Much. Somewhere along those lines. You will grab more people's attention to your write with a title that gives a hint as to what your poem is about.
Overall Impression:I really feel that this is a very emotional piece that gives your feelings and opinions strongly. It is sad that someone has broken the trust you have given but also says that you learned a good lesson. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I think it gives a good hint as to what your poem is about.
Sadly this is something I have recently learned a lot of people, especially youth, go through. I think you gave good details on this subject of harming ones self.
I like the style of your poem here. It definitely has a nice flow to it with the rythme and style. The meter is well within the style as well.
I found no forced rhymes in your write.
I found no grammer errors either.
Suggestions: In your line with here the screams of pain and shame. I think it should be hear. I really think you should change the rating on this piece to 18+. I have a 13 year old on this site and as mauture as he is I still wouldn't feel comfortable with him reading this poem. If the poem only had the curse words it would be fine to leave at 13+ but since you talk of hurting one self I feel it should be a higher rating.
Overall Impression: I really think you did a good job of describing the emotions, reasons and examples of why and how it feels to cause harm to your self. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this write of yours. With a better description of your write i think this would be a good title.
Wow you really grabed my attention with your very first words! Very strong statement to make someone very curious as to why such language is being used.
I think you did a good job through this short piece on keeping the reader interested. I didn't feel rushed into the plot of the story.
I like the descriptives in this piece to describe what was going on and the emotions being felt. You also did a good job describing the characters.
I found no speliing or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: Again I think your description of this piece could use a little help as to giving a hint into the story. The Blast is already stated in the title, so i think giving a description of the blast would be a good idea. I think you could do a bit more showing instead of telling in this piece. You did good in most parts but I am confussed as to where they are and why they are there to begin with.
Overall Impression: For a short short story i really think you did a pretty good job. With a little bit more detail I think this would make a pretty good drama or even sci-fi piece. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what brought me into wanting to read this write of yours. I think it gives a good hint as to what your story is about.
I like the meaning you have set out in this piece. You used nice descriptive words to express your emotions and feelings.
This is a poem many can relate to. Many people suffer with some sort of distractions while they are trying to work. I like how you used like a toddler and pup.
I like your style to this piece. Very simple with a nice free verse flow to it. Personally free verse is my favorite form of poetry.
There are never any forced rhymes and hidden meanings. Nicely done.
I found no grammer errors either.
Suggestions: In your line: It did not good to tell you, I think it would read better as: It did no good to tell you.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this write about distractions you face at work. You gave nice examples of the reasons they are distracting and what you feel when they are. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
What a wonderful way to tell the Rising Stars what they mean to you!
I think you did a good job with expressing your feelings about the rising stars here on WDC. I like the descriptive words you used to describe your emotions about friendship and talent.
I like the style of your poem. Very simple and has a pretty good flow to it.
You have a good rhythm in most of this poem. I found no forced rhymes where it does rhyme.
I found no grammer errors either.
Suggestions: Seen and been doesn't rhyme in your second stanza. As well in your 4th stanza the 1st and 3rd line do not rhyme eiter.
I would suggest that if you would like to keep these words that you make the poem free verse. In your 4th stanza second line I would suggest using your life.
Overall I think with a little bit of work on the technicals of this write it could be a perfect dedication to the rising stars here on WDC. I really like the fact that there are so many people inclusing you who acknowledge the rising stars for their talent and friendship. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
This is a pretty short essay on what my guess is a famous explorer. You did good with the descriptions of what this man did in the years you have here.
Suggestions: I think maybe in the beginning of this piece you could explain a little more as to who this person was or why you chose him to write about. Your line "Exactly next month," This part confusses me a bit. Maybe In exactly one month or one month later would work a bit better here. In your last sentence of first paragraphe, I think that it would read a bit better deleting the second they.
They set sail for Cape Verde, crossing the equator.... I think you could give a brief description as to what he did after his last voyage. Did he settle down? Take a job doing something else? Raise a family? Something along these lines.
I think with jst a bit more to this story about your main character it will be a bit better as to understand your meaning in writing this piece. Other than that I think you did a pretty good job. Thanks for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. I think they give a good description of what your meaning for this poem is.
Your poem here holds a very passionate meaning. You describe your opinion and emotions well in this write.
I personally like free verse poems. They hold ore meaning rather than trying to force rhymes to make the flow better. I think you did a wonderful job with this piece.
Although the meter goes off in a few lines I still like the style of your poem here and even without a rhyme it flows very well.
I found no mispellings or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: I really like the line A contradiction of what is and what was and what will be! I think deleting the ands in this piece and replacing them with a simple comma would make it flow better.
A contradiction of what is, what was and what will be.
I really like the meaning you are giving in this write. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your description and title is what drew me into wanting to read this write of yours and I think they fit your poem well.Your description asks a question that makes the reader know they need to think while reading the poem to answer it.
This poem has a pretty nice flow to it from the second stanza to the end. You used very wonderful descriptive words to express the descriptions of this person and your feelings.
I like the 2nd and 3rd line od your first stanza. The rose cheeks and soft skin description gives good detail.
Nice style and angain it flows well with the rhythme and meter within your style.
I found no grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
The only thing I would suggest to give this the natural flow throughout your write is to switch your second and 3rd line in the first stanza.
My volumptuous Venus
Of rosy cheek
and soft flesh
It is I, the man you seek
As well you mispelled volumptious
Overall I think this is a sweet poem to describe the person you are or think you might be in love with. Very descriptive in your expressions! I thank you for sharing this poem and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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My name is mmbabyfac and I will be judging this piece for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my judgment will not be the final decision.
I wish you luck and thank you for entering!
I really like the title of this piece. To most people when they say money isn't everything and then describe what money could do for them it would be something to help themselves. This poem states clearly that this child only wants to heal her family.
You were very detailed in the reasons this family is hurting so much. No money, abuse suffered from a runaway dad and then a brother. No help from outside sources. This is definitely a heart wrencher.
As far as the technical asspects of this poem goes:
I personally love free verse poems. There are no forced rhymes, only raw emotions, truth with no sugar coating!
You have a nice style here and the meter is well within the rhythme of the read even without rhymes.
I found no grammer errors or mispellings either.
:Suggestions
My only concern really in this piece is the repetativeness of a few words. Such as turned away, turn us away. I'm hungry. I think there could be other words you could use that would be just as powerful in place of some of the repitition. I'm hungry could be replaced with My stomach hurts, or I'm starving. Turn us away could be replaced with close their eyes to us, or something along these lines.
Again these are just suggestions, take what you want and throw away anything not wanted.
Overall I really think this is a very emotional and heartbreaking piece. Too often is this story true. You have touched my heart with the thought of a child only wanting to heal a broken family.
Thank you again for entering and good luck!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
The title is what drew me into reading this piece. I think it fits your poem perfectly. It's good hint as to what the poem is about.
This is a pretty short piece you have written here but sometimes I guess less is more.
I think you named off quite a few noises that can drive a person nuts! Good job.
You also stated what each set of noises does for you. As in an action you do because of them.
I found no mispellings or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: I think you could work on the description a little more to give a better description of this piece. I like the way you expressed what noises bother you but i would like to see ant least one line of some noises that are maybe calming to you. Just to give this poem a litle possitive note to it.
Other than these 2 suggestions I think this is a poem a lot of people can relate to. Especially when having a moody day. The littlest noises can drive you crazy!
Thanks for the great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
The boldness in the title caught my attention on the page. I had to know what made it such a bad day.
Although I see that this is focused around a sport, I also feel that this is true in so many other ways in life.
I think that you used powerful words to express your emotions in this write. Very raw emotions.
I did notice a few lines that rhymed, but I wuld rather think this is a free verse poem which personally is one of my favorites. No forced rhymes.
I found no mispellings or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions at this time for a poem I think stands for so much more than just a bad day in a sport. Very well done write on emotions.
All in all I have enjoyed te eaning of this poem. Everyone has bad days and I'm sure mos everyone feels the same way.
Thanks for the great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think it fits your poem well.
This is definitely a subject that a lot of people can relate to. I like the meaning you are trying to relay in this piece and think more people should see others this way.
You used very real emotions and descriptions to detail your feelings in this piece.
I like the style and flow of this piece. It flows gently with your rhythme and meter.
I found no mispellings or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:I have no suggestions at this time for what is in my opinion a very well written piece on your opinion of how people judge others and how they should look at others instead.
In all i find this piece very meaningful and enjoyable. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think your title fits perfectly with the poem as well the description gives a hint on what this piece is about.
This is a very short poem indeed but yet it holds a great meaning. Sometimes less is more.
I like the style of your poem here. It flows very well with the rhythme and the meter is well within the style.
Sadly this kind of thing happens a lot and just as you stated inyour description it could be real or perceived. I myself am more on the percieved side with this type of matter.
Ifound no mispelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: The only thing I would suggest is to add a word after unless. right now it is a little hard to understand. Maybe there's or it's?
Other than this one little suggestion, I think this is a pretty meaningful write and I wish you luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what brought me into wanting to read this write of yours. I know several people who like a good horror/ghost story. I will be sure to pass this one on to them.
I like the way you started this story off, it caught my attention and kept it though the whole piece.
I didn't feel rushed into the plot of this story. As a matter of fact for awhile I thought the person in the mirror was her dead mother. Is this the case?
I really liked the ending to this piece. The poem at the end to describe where this story idea came from.
You have described emotions and characters very well. It is sad to think the father could not bare looking at her because she was too much of a reminder of her dead mother. So sad.
Sugestions: Is the person in the mirror her mothers ghost? I think you should clarify on this.
*not2*In your sentence "her mother has passed away" I think since you are talking in past tense this should be had. In your sentence with "once again speaking to her, It... it should read her, it or her. It
Other than these few details I really do enjoy this story and I plan on passing it along to a few horror lovers I know!
Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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I Will Be Reviewing This Piece On Behalf Of Numerous Reviewing Affiliates! mmbabyfac Here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
The title but more the description of your write is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. I was very interested in what it is people think to themselves when bored in class. You definitely did a good job on describing what you talk to yourself about.
I found this piece pretty funny in parts. I like how you switched from what was going with the main character, to the teacher and even a few other kids in between.
You were also very descriptive in the surroundings in class.
I found no mispellings either.
Suggestions: Wow do kids in school really curse this much to themselves? Times have definitely changed since I was in school! I think maybe if it is just you know curses a lot, maybe you could tone it down just a little. Make it a little more realistic. If you actually know that kids constantly think like this than keep it the same. I think that the part where the teacher is expressing her concerns about this student and applying themselves is actually a conversation most teachers have with a student in private. Maybe shortening it a little with not so much focus on embarrassing this student.
Other than toning down on all the cursing and embarrassing situation, I find this story very enjoyable. Being a teacher at one point I now know what some kids might have been up to while I was actually trying to educate them.
Thank you for the enjoyable yet educating read and please do continue Writing and Sharing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1392072 by Not Available.
Hello Kotaro,
Thank you for entering this piece in my contest "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor ! I wish you the best of luck!
This is a wnderful story you have written. You followed my prompts, all of them!
This story was so very interesting I couldn't stop reading. You used a lot of detail to describe the situations at hand and I like the characters in this story. Not only did you focus on a dragon and a female but also other characters in the story.
I absolutely enjoyed this piece!
I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Great job well done!
I thank you so much for the great read and please do write on!
Good luck,
mbabyfac/Tanya
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1392072 by Not Available.
First Off Congratulations on becoming a Rising Star ! In reading this piece and looking through your port it is understandable why such an honor was given to you!
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor ! Please know that my reviews are my personalopinions only.
First Impression: This piece is very short and to the point. You give a good description as to what the sun does for you after the rain.
I like the style in this write of yours. Very simple and it flows well.
I would have to say the last stanza is my favorite part of this poem. Lift me up to kiss the bright sun. Very beautiful description!
I found no mispellings in this piece.
Suggestions: The color seems a little pale. It makes the write hard to read. I would suggest if you want to keep this color that maybe you could bold the text.Lift me up to kiss the bright sun In your second stanza I think you should capitolize Tomorrow. And in your last stanza I think you should capitolize My. In your second stanza second line I think it would read a little beter and actually help the meter if you used "a new start (to)".
Overall impression: I think with a little bit of work to this piece it could really be a beautiful write about how you feel about the sun after the rain. It is a very inspiring poem in that you find hope after the rain as long as the sun shines.
I have enjoyed reading this piece of yours and I thank you for sharing! Please do Write On!
Congratulations again on becoming a Rising Star! I feel you deserve the recognition!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello SHERRI GIBSON,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
The title and description was enough to break my heart let alone the poem itself. The emotions were so believable and so real unfortunatly. I think this poem flows very well with the rhythme, style, and meter. You did a wonderful job with this piece. The descriptions were vivid and I am so speachless. I just don't know what else to actually say about this piece. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. I honestly don't think there is anything i could suggest for you in this piece.
Thank you for sharing and please do Write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello SHERRI GIBSON,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First impressions: So many people have found themselves walking alone some path at least once in their life for one reason or another. I think you did a good job with the title and description. It sets the piece for readers to know what the poem is about. I think your emotions in this piece are well put together to express your loneliness and missing this person. I like the repetition of I walk alone after each line. It makes the piece show you really feel alone. I like the style of this poem how it descreases with every other line. I think it also flows very well with the rhythme, style and meter. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this already emotional piece. I think it is perfect the way it is.
Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello SHERRI GIBSON,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on ehalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First impression:
The title and description of this piece is what made me chose to read this piece. I think it fits well with your writing. Abuse is such a common thing that so many can sadly relate to. I think you did wonderful in setting up the emotions in this piece. So heartbreaking. I think you did a wonderful job at expressing these emotions from a childs point of view as well. You make the reader know that this child loves their father and hates not being with him and would do anything to get back to him. I like the flow of this piece. I found no false rhymes. The style is simple yet flows well with the meter and rhythme. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time for what is already in my opinion a very emotionally perfect write!
Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Another Thing To Dust,
My name is mmbabyfac and I am a proud reviewer for the groups "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor and "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. First impression: The title was what drew me into this write of yours. I think it fits your write well. You managed to describe the dance without actually using the words dance. As well it makes ou think what kind of dance are you refering to. I think you used nice descriptive words to express your meaning and purpose of writing in this poem. You give a nice visual picture with this poem! I think it flows very well with the rhythm, style and meter. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: Although this is a very lovely descriptive poem you have penned here, I somehow think it is unfinished. Your last stanza kind of leaves you wondering what comes next. Maybe you could add at least one more stanza to emphasize on the afterwards. Overall impression: I really enjoyed your visuals in this piece. With a little more to it I think it will be a wonderful read to suggest the dance.
Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Allwrite,
My name is mmbabyfac and I am a proud reviewer for the groups "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor and "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. First impression: The title and description is what drew me into wanting to read your write here. I think they fit your poem well. I like the style you chose to write this poem of yours. The bolding of the word Fear makes this piece stand out and beg to be read and understood. I also like the shortness in this piece. Not a lot of words needed to express your feelings in this write. No false rhymes to throw people off the true meaning in this piece. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions:I have no suggestions for this already wonderfully written emotional write. It is easy to understand the purpose of your poem here and is abn enjoyable read.
Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Douglas returning,
My name is mmbabyfac and I am a proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . I saw this piece of yours on the reviewers items and thought it sounded interesting. I am so glad I did. The description of after 13 years is what drew in my attention. Recently (2weeks actually) I have become single after 13 years of a bad marriage and have definitely thought about writing a letter such as this. Although this is a gay/lesbian genre, it still pertains to alot of people whether gay or not. So there are a lot of people who can relate to your emotions in this piece. I think you did a great job of not rushing into the plot of this piece. You took your time describing the surroundings and characters involved. This is definitely an emotional and sad write you have here. I think you did wonderful with expressing true honest feelings, even if it took 13 years to do so. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: I have no suggestions for what is already in my opinion the best it can possibly be with your truthful, raw emotions. Thank you for sharing this piece and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Tim Chiu,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Your title and description are what drew me into this write. I think they fit very well! This is in my opinion also a very inspirstional write and I am inpressed with the opinions and expressions in this write. I think this is a poem a lot of men should live by, sadly a lot do not. I think this poem flows well with your rhythm, style and meter. I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: Other than maybe listing this as an inspirational poem as a genre I have no suggestions for you at this time. I have deeply enjoyed reading this write of yours and I thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Allen James,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today on behalf of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I think your title and description of this piece fits into your poem well. This is a topic that a lot of people can emotionally relate to. I like your choice of descriptive words in this write to express your opinion. I think this piece flows very well with the rythme, style and meter. I found no mispellings either. Suggestions: I would suggest using more punctuation in this piece to give the reader a chance to breath without feeling rushed through each line. Other than this I think this is a very descriptive write you have here and I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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I would suggest for a title to mention something about Lost Trust or I Trusted too Much. Somewhere along those lines. You will grab more people's attention to your write with a title that gives a hint as to what your poem is about.
I really think you should change the rating on this piece to 18+. I have a 13 year old on this site and as mauture as he is I still wouldn't feel comfortable with him reading this poem. If the poem only had the curse words it would be fine to leave at 13+ but since you talk of hurting one self I feel it should be a higher rating.
In your 4th stanza second line I would suggest using your life.
I think you could give a brief description as to what he did after his last voyage. Did he settle down? Take a job doing something else? Raise a family? Something along these lines.
.
