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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they fit your poem very well.
I like how you started off with crying the tears inside then went outside in the rain. I actually think the next time I need a good cry and it's raining I will do the same thing. Sounds better than everyone being able to see them.
You used wonderful descriptive words to express the actions and emotions in this piece. Made it very enjoyable to read.
Free verse is definitely one of my favorite forms of poetry as you find no forced emotions or rhymes. I like what you've done with this one.
This has a nice flow even with it being free verse and i like the style. How in some places it's a few words to express actions/emotions then longer lines. Very well done.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time.
Overall Impression: I felt very lonely and sad while reading this piece and when I can feel emotions when reading a poem, I think it's worth a read! Thanks for the read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description of this piece fits well within the story.
You caught my attention quickly as you described in great detail these two characters and the feelings Megan had for Corey.
Your descriptions of Megan and her surroundings and emotions were perfectly lined with her and Corey's actions. There were parts that were slow and then there were intense moments that keeps a readers attention.
I like how you started off with Megan being so young but knowing what she wanted. The reader sees that she knows what she wants and stops at nothing, letting her feelings flow in the beginning and then when she gets older, still wanting this same person, but is guarded. I like how she has pushed him away giving him the idea that she is still young at heart. It's a game of hard to get here.
This prologue is definitely interesting enough to keep a reader wanting more. It has the effect to make a reader jump into the next chapter to find out more!
Suggestions: I'm not crazy about this line: "differently than he'd ever had before." It doesn't seem to flow right as a sentence. In your last line I think you wanted to say: leaving Megan standing alone in shock. You have "is" shock.
Overall Impression: I am definitely going to read furthur as i am really interested in seeing how these two characters come together or drift apart. It is a game for them both at this point and i'm excited to see who gets what they want in the end. Thanks for the read and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this story of yours and I think they both work into your story well.
You grabbed my attention right from the start and with the great attention to detail you kept my attention all the way through.
This is a good story about how one man started out with his own aggenda, thinking only of himself and in the end, realized he was wrong and decided to change. I think you did a great job leading up to the plot and ending to the story.
I was able to feel compassion for Leon all the way through from the moment he was introduced in this story to the very end and as well at the end I felt compassion for Bobby because of the selfless act he did for Leon.
There were a lot of emations a reader couldget from this story and that is what made it enjoyable although it is a sad ending. Anger, frustration, compassion, hate
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for an already perfect write.
Overall Impression: This is a story that will stick with me. Exactly what I look for in a writing. A story of a man who starts out with selfish wants and in the end dies to save another life, unselfishness. Thank you for the wonderful read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this story of yours. I think you give a good hint as to what your story is about.
You caught my attention right from the beginning giving good descriptions of the main character, his actions and surroundings.
You kept my attention through this piece with details that lead up to the end of the story and the wonderful meaning of the story.
It is so sad that this woman thought that because of a few minor mishaps that pretty much envolved no one getting harmed, she feels it was her worst day ever. Sadly there are so many people like this in the world and I think that your story is realistic.
I really like the end to this story. How happy this character was with everything he had even though it is obvious he didn't have much.
Suggestions: In your second line when he asks himself how can people afford $4 for coffee, I think it is a good idea to italic his words.
Overall Impression: A great story about how self-centered some people can be and how proud others are of what they have worked so hard for. I enjoyed your message and the story. Thanks for sharing and please do write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description are very catchy and give a great hint as to what your poem here is about.
It's obvious in reading this that you have feelings for someone you either never see or see very little of. You give this in great details and descriptions.{?c}
A reader is prone to feeling sadness and compassion for the author as it is known that you can only have what you seek in your dreams at night.
This has a very nice style and the flow is natural with your rhythm.
I found no forced rhymes nor did I notice any spelling or grammer errors.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions.
Overall Impression: A very sad poem about wanting someone who is out of your reach. It is definite there are emotions involved that deal with yearning and awating the night when you can finally have who it is you are wanting. I enjoyed the read and thank you for sharing! Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title asks a question that everyone usually asks of themselves and therefor in wanting to know you i choose to read it.
You have given great examples to show how a writer becomes an author. Each word is descriptive in its own unique way.
Very nice style and flow to your piece here.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions.
Overall Impression: You describe a writer becoming an author and the steps one takes to acheive that goal very well. I enjoyed the read and thank you for sharing! Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
I chose to read this piece because it is so common a subject that so many can relate to.
Very short, sweet and straight to the point. No false emotions or diversions from the topic you are expressing.
I love the last two stanzas. So very detailed in what a broken heart stands for.
Nice flow and style to your piece as well.
I found no spelling or grammer errors.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions.
Overall Impression: A common subject almost everyone has indured at least once in their life. I think you pinned the emotions of a heart break very well. Thanks for the read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Hmm the title pretty much said it all.
I think this story is very realistic. Many a time have I heard this story and I think you wrote it exactly the way it would occur.
A very sad story with an ending that leaves a reader wanting more yet stands on its own as well.
I found no grammer errors.
Suggestions:
In your line with made her heart beat erratically, you misspelled heart.
Overall Impression: I think you told this story exactly how it would be. Straight to the point and emotional. I enjoyed the read and thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
So very sad a story. To give up on the one that you love because you never thought they would come back and then on your wedding day he returns. Ughh
Very descriptive words to show the actions and emotions the characters were feeling.
You grabbed my attention in the beginning and kept it. Your attention to details were great!
So sad an ending to loose out on both men. You give the reader the want to feel compassion for her.
I found no spelling or grammer errors
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions.
Overall Impression: A very happy start to a story that goes so wrong for the main character. I feel compassion for her, but realize where her mistakes were. Thanks for a great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
OMG too funny! The title and description say it all!
Very short, sweet and straight to the point. I was drawn in and you didn't let go till the violent end. LOL
There really is no need to fear spiders is there? I know too many that would actually feel the same way as you though. You kept this story realistic and funny as well.
I like the ending, how you were so brave, ready to kill it and it decided it wasn't it's time and jumped. Too bad your son was there to give him the end you started off ready to do.
I found no spelling or grammer errors.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for this write.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this realistic look at the death of an itty bitty harmless spider. Thanks for sharing this short piece and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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I know exactly what ring you are talking about in this story and I think you did an amazing job in giving this story life! Not saying it didn't before, but with the changes to make it seem so magistical I truely love it as I'm sure Stacey did as well.
Very well written write. You grabbed my attention right from the beginning and held it all through this story. I really love the ending as well! Nice very nice touch how the store and owners disappear!
Thanks for the wonderful read and I hope to see more for you soon!
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what caught my attention and drew me into wanting to read this piece. I think it gives a good hint as to what your story is about.
You caught my attention and kept it through this piece. Your descriptive words were able to give me a mental picture of the characters surroundings.
I could sense the fear that the characters were feeling when they heard the noises. You did a good job portraying this feeling.
I think you did a good job in leading up to the plot without giving off too many hints as to what the monster actually was.
Suggestions: Misspellings: now, menu, and understand. I think you should combine your sentences: It was mom, she was moaning. As well after moaning you need a period instead of a comma. With your lines that you used seemed in, I think you should replace the first seemed with: were exceptionally loud. In your line with: They seemed to be howling. I think you could combine this sentence with the one that follows, like this:
They seemed to be howling and could not be of a dog, but rather more like a monster.
Overall Impression: This is a pretty cute story told from a childs point of view about witnessing or at least hearing their parents showing their love for eachother. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they fit your story quite well.
Oh so sad a write. It really touched me deep down. I really think this is what kind of conversation someone in these circumstances would have. Very emotional indeed.
Its s o sad to know this poor man couldn't take the lonliness without his wife and even more so to take his children with him says so much about the love he holds for his family. He wanted them all together again, happy.
You did a wonderful job leading up to the sad plot to this story. As well the reader can do no other than feel compassion for this character and even though the fact that he took the children with him was a bit wrong, it's understandable.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in your write here.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions.
Overall Impression: I think this is truely a heart wrenching emotional story you have written here. The conversation between a husband who misses the love of his life and feels he isn't stong enough to go on and a wife who has passed is very well done. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title caught my attention and drew me into reading this piece. I think after reading it, it fits perfectly.
You grabbed my attention right in the beginning making me wonder what it was that was stollen. Your descriptions of the characters and actions kept my attention throughout.
My first reaction after completely reading the story was awww how sweet! This piece touched my heart. I felt compassion and then a sense of yay for the character in the end.
You described the situation quite well and is very realistic. Sometimes all it takes is a smile or brief touch.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in your write.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for this piece.
Overall Impression: A very heart warming story that started off with the reader feeling compassion for the main character but building a confidense along with him as he continues through till the train ride. I enjoyed the read and thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I think they give a good hint as to what lies ahead in your story here.
You caught my attention quickly with the descriptions of the janitor and his thoughts and you kept it throughout this write continuing with great descriptions.
I think you did a good job leading up to the plot of this story, giving small hints as to what the plot would be about, intising a reader to read furthur.
The ending was a welocmed ending. Not everyone always has to get the girl in the end, but at least as you stated, just for a split second he had her.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in your write.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions at this time.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed theis story about a janitor who saw himself as a sad man but for a brief moment knew he could intise even a married woman. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece of yours. I think they give a good hint as to what your story is about.
You caught my attention in the very beginning with this piece and held it all the way through. Your descriptions of the characters and their actions gave a good mental image of the story.
I think you did a great job leading up to the plot of this story. I even enjoy the fact that it was Jack in the end that was scared!
I enjoyed the descriptions of Sarah as well. I could really picture her standing there bouncing that ball and then giving it to the girl and walking through the wall. Very nicely done!
Suggestions: In your line with: Jack stopped talking as heard the sound... I think it should read: Jack stopped talking as he heard the sound... In your line with: Mary's grandma speechless as she..., I think there is a word missing here. Maybe
Mary's grandma was speechless as she... or became speechless
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this story about a ghost that a boy tried to tease his sister with and in the end, he was the one most scared. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they fit your story quite well!
What a sad start to this story, but you caught my attention from the very first line and kept it. I was one of these kids in school. Thinking I was invisible, not worthy of peoples mear hellos. So I had to read on.
I really think you captured the emotions a young girl in school who feels this way perfectly. YOu described this story with such detail I was able to place myself in her shoes numerous times.
The letter seemed very sincere and you even managed to have the character blame mostly herself instead of those that chose to ignore her. Very heart touching and I think very realistic.
The ending was beautiful! Not too much detail to take away from the stunning event.
Suggestions: You need to capitolize an I in the letter. shooting should be shootings.
Other than these two I find nothing else that needs changing.
Overall Impression: A realistic story about a girl who feels invisible in the world but truely has a happy ending simply because of one person. Wonderful story. You captured my heart with this one! Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this story. I think they give a good hint to what your story is about.
This piece started off very sad, giving examples why this girl was abused, sad really, no reason is a good reason. It happens too often in real life.
You did a good job of making the reader feel compassion for the character and made it seem justified in the end.
I think you did a great job leading up to the end as well. The whole time I figured the mother was too drunk to wake up, instead the ending proved otherwise. Very dramatic twist!
Suggestions: In your line with: slap in face, I think it should read: slap to the face or slap in the face. OK is actually spelled okay.
Other than these 2 minnor things i see no need for changes elsewhere.
Overall Impression:
A very sad story of a child's abuse and the only way a child feels they can end it. I enjoyed the story and I thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
YOur title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they both give a good hint as to what lies ahead in your story without giving away the major twist.
I definitely like the twist in the end. How he is suddenly living the life of his grandfather. I think you did a good job leading up to this point.
You gave great visual images for the reader to focus on while reading this piece. I was able to picture the character and his surroundings all the way through.
It started off very sad, with him loosing his wife before moving to his farm. You made it so the reader feels compassion for this character.
I like the fact that you added a dog to this piece and I really like the part when he gets there and confronts the woman then both her and the dog disappear.
Suggestions: ok is actually spelled okay In your line where you are describing the character thinking about taking his coat off you have a spacing in the word off.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this piece. A sad story with a very different ending that is surprising. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First off I just have to say this is a beautiful story! Absolutely amazing! Heart wrenching and heart melting and the message so very true indeed!
You caught my attention right from the beginning with the fast pace of the reactions of the characters. You held it all the way through with the emotional aspects and the lesson to be taught.
It's sad this poor mans daughter never really knew her father because he was ashamed. I like the fact that the child was first taken to burn units and such to show her real beauty before meeting her father again. Wonderful just beautiful!
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
NONE!
Overall Impression: A beautiful, heart touching, heart wrenching write with a happy ending and powerful message for anyone. I enjoyed the read and I thank you for sharing! Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they both give a good hint as to what your story is about.
You caught my attention right in the beginning with the descriptive words to describe the characters actions and feelings.
I like how you changed the subject a few times, still talking about your neighbor, giving us more insight into your friendship and why it was special, then going back to the dream.
A wonderful message is held in this piece, if you take the time to uderstand the whole story. Friendships are so important and it's wonderful to regain one, no matter how you are brought back together.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in your write.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for this write!
Overall Impression: I enjoyed the message and meaning of this piece and it's wonderful to see a happy ending where friends reunite no matter what caused the drift in the first place, the years you were seperated, or how you reunited. All that matters is your back in the friendship, enjoying each other once again. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they both fit your story well.
You caught my attention right in the beginning and held it all the way through. I had to find out what the addiction was, even after a few clues were droped, I still felt I needed to find out for sure.
You used great descriptions to describe the characters and their emotions and surroundings making this an enjoyable read altogether.
This subject is one so many can relate to as well. I think you did a great job of describing the withdraws and emotions surrounding it.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for an already perfect write!
Overall Impression: I really think you did a great job capturing the readers attention and keeping it. Dropping hints to lead up to the end was a great way to keep the readers attention. I really think this write is a perfect story in every aspect and I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this story. Ithink they give a good insight as to what lies ahead in your story.
You caught my attention in the very beginning. I found myself reading faster as the character quicken her pace and you kept my attention all the way through.
You used great descriptive words to express the actions and emotions all the characters felt and did in this piece. I was able to get wonderful vivid mental pictures.
This is a very heart touching story that is all too common, but usually ends in tragidy. I'm glad to know this one had a happy ending.
Suggestions: I really would like to se a bit more added to this story. Maybe just the emotional trip the parents took to go get her and the excitement they got as they picked her up. I think it would make the story more powerful than it already is to actually witness the happy ending. I really would suggest not using and or but to start a sentence off if at all possible. In the end when the daughter says she wants to go home, I think it would be better to use come home instead.
Overall Impression: A heart touching story that is too common indeed. I am glad there was a happy ending to this story and would really like to know a little more about the reunion but in all it is a very well written story. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this piece of yours and I think it fits perfectly.
Man I really enjoy these short shorts! You did a great job catching my attention right from the beginning and keeping it all the way through.
Your descriptions of the characters and details of their surroundings gave me great imageries to enjoy while reading!
Haha I do have to admit I knew when you described the masks what the characters were up to but it was so enjoyable I still felt the need to continue to find out exactly what would happen.
The ending was fabulous! The woman's words capitolized was a great idea to reach out and grab the reader.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for your write!
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this piece. You definitely grabbed me with this one and it's definitely one I will come back to reading especially when I need a good laugh ! Great job! I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this piece and to be honest I love these 55 word stories! Jealous because I really can't write 'em but I do love to read them!
I found myself reading this piece faster as the pace and anticipation built up. I was surprised by the ending and got a good laugh!
Shoert, sweet, straight to the point with a bit of humor and great imageries for the reader! Amazing job!
I found no spelling errors!
Suggestions: I only found one minnor error which i really couldn't rate this piece less than perfect because of. You need a comma after Pardon me,
Overall Impression: Absolutley loved the surprising and funny ending! I was on the edge of my sit and nearly feel off laughing!
Thank you for the great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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I'm not crazy about this line: "differently than he'd ever had before." It doesn't seem to flow right as a sentence.
In your last line I think you wanted to say: leaving Megan standing alone in shock. You have "is" shock.
OMG too funny! The title and description say it all! 
With your lines that you used seemed in, I think you should replace the first seemed with: were exceptionally loud. 
In your line with: They seemed to be howling. I think you could combine this sentence with the one that follows, like this: