Hello L. A. Powell,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing this piece today for the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: I definately think the title and description work well with this poem. It is a very lovely free verse poem with a lot of emotion. I would have to say that the last two lines in the last stanza are my favorite. Love like there is a tomorrow. Those are beautiful words! I think the meter was well within the style and even though it is free verse it still flows gently. I found no need to change anything about this write. I also appriciate the comment at the bottom. What a strange occurance!
Thanks for the great read and do write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Good for you! You are truely a strong person for keeping a child made from abuse and rape. I'm glad you saw that it was not the child's fault and I hope that you can continue to see his life that way.
I think this story was very well written. You didn't rush into the plot of the story. Very descriptive in your writing as well.
I do have a few suggestions for you however. In your first paragraph your sentence I figured when that when I had time. Should be read as figured that when... instead. another sentence is as I walked towards my the pariking garage. Delete my. And in your sentence tld them, "it's all... You're you need the comma and the capitolized Y in you're.
Other than that I think this was well written. With a few touch ups it will be perfect.
Thanks for the great read and good luck to you.
Do write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
Proud member and reviewer for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor
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Ohh so very true. What is even worse is when you tell him this and things still don't change! It rips apart what used to be such a happy marriage.
I can so definately relate to this poem of yours! I think you did a great job with this piece. The emotions are pretty much right on the mark.
I think it flows well with the rhythm and I didn't find any forced rhymes.
The title and description is what made me want to read this piece! Nicely done!
Very descriptive of your emotions and strong feelings.
I do suggest going back through this piece and using your apostrophies in your won't and it's. Also in your second line first stanza I think it would read better if you say slamming doors instead.
Other than that i definately agree and can relate!
Thanks for the read and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
Proud member and reviewer for group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
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Absolutely amazing write in my opinion. You made this person out to be the exact person I'm sure so many people back then thought that he was.
Your descriptions were very well done. I could easily understand all of this piece. I definately think you did a fine job with describing all the ways this one man was able to help so many others. It's sad to know they never actually hired him for the full time contract, but that is no different than today sadly.
I found no misspellings or grammer errors and I think everything was described perfectly. I never knew of this person and you have taught me a little about the town as well as the person.
Thank you for the wonderful read and do write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
Proud member and reviewer for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
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I have definately enjoyed reading this story and congradulations to you! Never do what your mama says always do what your daddy does. My dad was an avid bar hoper and of course that's how I met my hubby! 13 years of marriage and 4 awesome sons!
I think you did an excellent job with this story. Kudos to you! I found no need for any improvemnets anywhere.
Thanks for the awesome read and do Write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
Proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
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Hi Dannoden,
mmbabyfac here. I wanted to come back and rate your story here. I really liked this true story of yours and I'm so glad you suggested I read it. I love stories like this. Although it did hit me very emotionally, but that is what I like in a great read. I have also written a true story of something that happened to me as a child.
I really see how you are so proud of your daughter with this write. For some reason as I was reading it and it got to the part about her giving the doll to the stranger I knew that was exactly what she was going to do. I love being able to be right about that sort of thing ya know.
You really dd a wonderful job at describing EVERYTHING in this write. Again i thank you for sharing it with me!
Do write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
Proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor
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Hello firefighter4life,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor > thank you for requesting a review.
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: First Impression:I think your description of this poem is sweet. It is definately a poem that many people can relate to whether married or not. I find free verse poems to be the best. There are never any forced rhymes within them. You say what you feel with nothing false. I like the style and I think it flows well with your write. I think your description of the time spent in silence was wonderfully written. Suggestions} I think you should capitolize your title. The meter went a little off with the line and I am sensitive to your touch. I think you should delete the and it would still read the same basically. I really suggest never using the & symbol in poetry. By again that is just my opinion. Overall Impression:
I did enjoy reading this poem of yours written for the moments you spend with your husband. Again I think it is a poem many people can relate to.
Thank you for sharing and again thank you for requesting a review. I hope this review has helped in some way.
Keep On Writing!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello firefighter4life,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Thank you for requesting a review.
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: First Impression: I think this is a lovely poem that many people who are truely in love can relate to. I like the title, it fits nice with your poem. To me free verse poems are the best. There are no forced rhymes to them and true emotions. I think you did a good job with choosing the style. I think it flows well with the meter and style. You used wonderful words to express your feelings towards your husband and the things you love about him. Suggestions: I think that you kind of had a pattern going with your lines I give my love to you and I give you my love. At least it seemed that way. I think it would be better read if you changed your next to the last I give you my love to I give my love to you. It would make it a pattern. Overall impression: I think this is a lovely poem you wrote to your husband which shows exactly how you feel about him and the things he does for you. I ejoyed reading this piece of yours.
I hope this review has helped in some way. Thank you again for requesting a review.
Thanks for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello teihzbael,
My name is mmbabyfac and Iw ill be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: I think this is a lovely story you are writing about your grandma. You have described her love well. You did a great job of your descriptions of what your grandmother always did for you. It takes a strong person to admit they have not been the best person. I think you are very appriciative of her. Your way of talking about what she did for you shows exactly what she showed you, unconditional love. I enjoyed reading every part of this story. The only suggestion i could make is to elaborate on how she stood by you through tough times you went through. Like examples of smething that went wrong and what her words of wisdom were and how it changed you. I find it hard to see how she made an impact on you through just you saying she whispered to you.
Other than that I really like this story and I think you are very sweet to remember her the way you do.
Thank you for sharing a little about this woman and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions i think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: I think this is a poem many can relate to, including me. So many people think that long distance relationships can't work, i believe they can. I like the descriptions you have used to describe circumstances that stand in the path but not in the way. I think this is a nice free verse poem. It flows well with the style and rhythm. I enjoyed reading this poem of yours. It brought up a lot of emotions for me and that is what I look for in poetry. Suggestions: I have no suggestions at this time for this write of yours. Very well done and I enjoyed it!
Thanks for the great read and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello teihzbael,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor !
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinion only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: First impression: I really like the title and description you gave this story. It is what made me choose to read this story. You grabbed my attention and kept it through out the entire story. The descriptions you gave the animals was well done. I had no trouble with determining what they were. I think this is a good story for children. You didn't use big words that would confuse a child and you used interesting descriptions. I like the fact that you kept it real. Of course no one could have an elephant for a pet. I like the fact that you chose to keep the elephant in the zoo as a pet. This is definately a story I would let me young kids read! Suggestions: There was only one misspelling I found. You misspelled scene twice. It is actually spelled seen. Other than that little tiny error I couldn't rate this any lower than a 5! In my opinion it's definately a great childrens story and I think with pictures it will be a book children will enjoy!
Thank you for the share and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello J. A. Buxton,
My name is mmbabyfac and I am a proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor and I will be reviewing this piece for you today. First impression: I think the title and description is what brought me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I found it very interesting. I like the fact that you added the prompt in the beginning to explain your writing and what it was written for. I also like the fact that you are trying to go by the promises you made yourself and actually did try to write a poem. I like the fact that you incorporated both a poem and a short story into this piece. As well I like the character of the cat Minna. Of course we all know a cat can not talk but at least you have such an imagination that you incorporate her as one of the main characters in this piece. You kept my attention through the whole story/poem. I think I even got a giggle or two. hehehe Suggestions: I only have one suggestion for you and this write of yours. In the last stanza of your poem you discuss the cat "You try writing next to cat that..." I think it would read better if you used you try writing next to a cat.
Other than that I found mno mispellings or grammer errors and I enjoyed reading this story of yours.
Thanks for another great read and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Very interesting piece you have written here. I like the fact that you added in the beginning about where this poem comes from.
I like the flow of this piece. The rhythm was well within the style and meter and the words you used to describe your emotions in this piece. I do however feel like this piece is unfinished in some way. I think it could use more although I do like the ending.
I found no mispellings or grammer errors so in all except for adding a little more I think this is a pretty good write and read.
Thank you for sharing and Write On!
mmbabyfac
Proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor
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Hi there,
mmbabyfac here, proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Welcome to WDC!
I read your description of this piece and it sounded very interesting.
You drew me in with the desription and kept my attention throughout this whole write. I think you did a wonderful job of describing the situation at hand and the need for your daughter to be the center of the universe. I like how you kept it simple using only one example and elaborating on that.
I do have a few suggestions for you though. Suggestions} I think to make it easier for people to read you should put spaces in between your paragraphs. I think it would read much better if you delete the him/her type of words. You are writing this story, whivh one would you prefer to use? I would suggest not using the & sybol when writing. It lessens the grammatical effect. In your very last sentence you used my instead of why.
Other than that I think you did a pretty good job with this story. Thank you for sharing! Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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This is a beautiful story. I love dogs, even mean ones. Most of the time it isn't their fault they are mean. I have two dogs that right now I can't even spend time with because they I swear have ADHD!
Anyway I think it is so sweet that this dog would get out of his fence and go no where else but to sit under your window waiting for bisquits. I can just picture it!
I love the descriptions of the cats cursing too. I've heard it before and yes it is something!
Anyway, I think this write is perfect the way it is and i wouldn't recommend changing anything about it.
Thank you for the wonderful read and do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
Proud member of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor
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Plenty of people can actually relate to this poem of yours. I myself used to be like this until joining this site. I had so many people tell me I was hard to read and at first i liked it that way, but once people ignored me or treated me differently, i began to open my book and I have actually shred a lot of myself on this site. I hope one day you will feel comfortable enough to do the same.
I like your mention of the phoenix, very well done. I think this poem is your real emotions and again I hope one day you will open up and let others read your pages. It's the only way one will ever truely know you.
I have no suggestions at this time for this great read and I thank you for sharing.
Do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello Mary,
My name is mmbabyfac and I am a proud member of the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . I am going to review this piece for you today. First impression: The description is what brought me into wanting to read this write. I think the rhythme flowed very well with your choices of words and descriptions. I think yuo asked some pretty important questions that really need answers! Suggestions: Although I like the style of this piece I think it would be a better read if you seperated every two sentences in your stanzas. If you were asking questionsw somewhat similar then I could see the point in keeping them together.
Other than that i think you have a pretty good interesting read here. I especially liked the ending. I got a chuckle from those last two sentences.
All in all I think you did a good job and I thank you for the thought provoking questions in this read. Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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This is beautifully written. So sad and I like the fact that you can incorporate your fathers passing within these lines changing the character. I like the easy flow of this piece. So wonderful. I also like the explanation you put at the bottom for the paper cranes. It is a lovely way to pay tribute to loved ones sick or who have passed.
Thank you for allowing me to read this. You did a wonderful job and it touched my heart.
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
!!!
Hello Mr Bison,
My name is mmbabyfac and I saw this on the newbie page and had to read. The description of making me laugh is what brought me in and I tell you, I actually laughed so hard I cried!
You did a wonderful, almost too wonderful job with this piece. The descriptions were great, almost too much!If you get my point.
You drew me and kept my attention for the whole write, well except for when I had to wipe the tears from my eyes and describe to others why I was laughing so hard.
I found no grammer errors or mispellings, well done!
I truly enjoyed reading this piece therefore I have no suggestions on improving this already enjoyable read.
Thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC!
Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hello SHERRI GIBSON,
My name is mmbabyfac and I will be reviewing you today from the group "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. I can only offer you suggestions I think might help improve your write, if any at all are needed.
Now for your review: First Impression: I was surprised when I first went into this page. The boldness and color where very eye catching! I jumped back literally! I knew the title to this piece so I kinda knew what to expect but wow! This is a very well done poem on anger. Many people can relate to this poem which makes it easy to read and understand. I think the rhythm flows very nicely with the descriptive words you used to describe hate. I like the simple style and with the color it works very well. As well the meter was excellent! I found no mispellings or grammer errors either. Suggestions: I have no suggestions for this write as I feel it is a wonderful read and perfectly written. Overall impressions: I have enjoyed reading this piece of yours on hate. It is an emotion everyone has dealt with at some point in their life and I think you described it well.
Thank you for such a great read and do WRite On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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This is an amazing piece with a lot of details and descriptions. You placed this woman in a state of a lot of confussion and terror as well. I was drawn into reading this in the beginning and kept my attention all the way through with wonderful descriptive words. The settings and or surroundings of this woman were well described as well. I enjoyed reading this story of tragidy.
I do have a few suggestions that I hope will help improve your write. Please take what you want and feel free to throw out the rest, no worries. {Suggestions: In your sentence; It was if God.... heavens, I think it should read It was as if God... Heavens In your sentence look like apart of a wet painting, I think it would read better as look like a part of a wet painting. In your sentence away from the directing from which, I think it would read better as this, away from the direction from which... In your sentence The hit the water hard, I think it should be She hit the water hard? In your ending your sentence but with a deep scar the soft skin, I think it would read better like this. but with a deep scar to the soft skin on the right side of her naval.
As I said these are just suggestions. Take what you like from these.
All in all I think this is a pretty good story and I thank you for the read. Do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Hmmm this is a very sad piece in my opinion. I think it is sad that you look for comfort and help in someone who seems to hurt you more than support you. That is the impression I get from this write anyway.
I do however like the flow in this piece. For such a very long poem, you were able to keep with the rythme which is great!
Suggestion: I do however get stuck on the last line in the 15th stanza. To stay with the rythme of the whole piece I think it would sound better if instead of using the you'll you should use you will.
My favorite part of this is the 19th stanza, very beautiful words in that stanza to describe emotions!
Overall impression is this is so sad and I hope you will find support and comfort and help with someone who actually would care for you. But a very well written poem with heartfelt emotions!
Thank you for sharing and do Write On!
Best wishes to you,
mmbabyfac
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I think this is a very well written letter to yourself for the goals of this year you set out to accomplish. I think they are reasonable goals as well. I like how you split it into two sections one for daily one for weekly. I think it would be easier to accomplish them setting them up this way.
I did however notice one little missing word. Not to bad for a letter this size really!
In your first daily goal you wrote in the second sentence: I want thank Him... You need a to in there I want to thank Him....
Other than that I found nothing wrong with this piece and I wish you lots of luck in fulfilling your goals. Just remember to read this letter and take one step at a time and before you know it, the goals are acoomplished!
Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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This is definately a switch of subjects! Very well done in my opinion. It has a nice rhyme to it and flows very naturally. I like the style as well and the meter was well within the style. I recently painted the inside of my house in light blue and dark blue trim. It is a very soothing color!
Anyway, I found no grammer errors or missellings either.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for this already perfect write.
Thank you for sharing and do write on!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Wonderfully done! I think it is a great thing to write to those of us who have touched in so many ways. I myself wrote one a while back. It lets others know they are appriciated in even the littlest ways.
I think you did a great job with this letter. I especially love the end of the first paragraph when you say all the emotions you have done while reading someone elses work. I'm sorry you have gotten a few harsh, negative reviews but I am glad you don't let it get to you much. A randomness of 4 and 5 is proff you're better than what some few that are possibly having a bad day think and rate.
This piece will definately touch the heart of those that read it.
I found no misspellings or grammer errors and i have no suggestions for this already perfect write.
May you continue to be a part of the family here on WDC!
Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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In your first paragraph your sentence I figured when that when I had time. Should be read as figured that when... instead.
another sentence is as I walked towards my the pariking garage. Delete my.
And in your sentence tld them, "it's all... You're you need the comma and the capitolized Y in you're.
. My dad was an avid bar hoper and of course that's how I met my hubby! 13 years of marriage and 4 awesome sons!
I would suggest not using the & sybol when writing. It lessens the grammatical effect.
In your very last sentence you used my instead of why.
If you get my point.