Happy belated 60th birthday to you, even though it seems that you've lived a several lives with all that you have experienced and learned in such a short time.
I love how you began this work as a poem, but then you told the most engaging look of your life, as you traveled along through it.
I know so many people who don't really recollect what has passed them by to tell anyone else but you have. I am so truly blessed to have read your work.
I really look forward to reading more of your work!
This is a very well written piece of poetry that tells the story of your answer in response to a review you completed but I am glad to see that you are rising above it.
You handled it with style and finesse, even placing a comedic tone to this prose.
I thought that this line was very engaging - "Ha! Let them write complete dreck,
It's no skin off my, er, neck!" Too funny!
The poetic and educational piece titled "U.S. Bear Parts for Sale" really spotlights the tragedy of the senseless slaughter of this beautiful and strong creature.
You really tell it like it is and we all need to recognize that if we don't wake up, all of our bears will be extinct. And that would be a tragedy.
This awesome short story titled "The Six O'Clock Automobile" is a very well written suspense piece that is full of that old-fashioned tension from a writing style that is not common to writers today!
I always enjoy a good mood shifting story and I watched as your character, Luis goes from a man who has lived a pretty routine life for some time to one who is so engrossed with a car that is doing something that is not common, and it ends up being the very thing that decides his fate.
You have a great handle of suspenseful writing and I really look forward to reviewing more of your work!
The short story, "Happy Birthday, Mikey" is an interesting tale of a double cross that turns wrong for both parties in the end.
It is Mikey's birthday and he meets a lady friend named Amy at a local bar to celebrate, but there is some obvious underlying tension. He and his female partner have some stolen money that they plan to make off with, well, not the both of them. Mikey plans to kill his partner and it looks as though he has succeeded like so many times in the past but this time it is not to be.
She has poisoned his drink and he unwittingly has consumed the poison but not before she has as well.
This is a clever story and I enjoyed reading it all the way to the end.
The only area that I thought might need a bit of re-wording is when Mikey attempts to look around the room. I felt that the word "there" was used a bit too much but that was all.
The very touching poem, "End of Innocence" so poetically captures the tragedy, the abruptness of Sept. 11 on those who are no longer with us; for those who must continue on without their loved ones.
This line - "Each moment that passes by
Is an eternity between Heaven and Hell" is written so succiently in my eyes.
Great job with this poem; it is such a tough subject but you wrote it so well!
The poem, "Step Inside" is a lyrically and magical step into the world of poetic writing.
I loved this line - "Magically delivering, dispersing to kindred souls
Those who might peruse and long to step inside"
Isn't this what the mystical poet long to deliver to the world?
Suggestion for this line - "Perhaps a fairies wand, dipped in stars, to wave" because of the line above it ended in (with) and it didn't seem to flow to me. (with perhaps a fairies wand...?) maybe (with a fairies wand...).
This short story, "Relief By Death" is an interesting quick snapshot of that tells, without wordiness, that this is a woman who died, and it was both a relief for her and her loved ones.
You did a good job with the language you used to convey mood and meaning.
The poem, "One More Chance" is written in an imploring tone that wonders if you will have a chance at love in again in your life. It seems that love is visiting the writers world again and she muses if this is the right one? Will it last?
I can feel the emotion in those words; it is so hard to find true love, love that lasts.
I love this line - "I wonder if our love will last.
I feel like I'm a waste of your time" So true...so true!
This poem, "Stricken" is a such a brutally honest depiction of the feelings of desolation even though things seem are all corrected in the end.
Abuse, in any form, has such a terrible effect on a person's ability to feel whole, to even begin to find your way again. You capture this so completely in your prose!
This line really struck me - "but it's raining in my heart
I have so much to tell
I don't know where to start." So full of words, so full of emotions that are crying out for restoration.
I really wish you all the best and applaud you for your courage with such a tough subject!
The poem, "My fairy friend" is a sweet lyrical poem that is full of imagination as the writer maintains the open eye to the mind in her relationship with her fairy friend.
I think that what many of us lose is our ability to keep our special dream friends; to keep an open mind to the wonders of the fairy tale land.
I thought that this line was real sweet - "Shoshanna is my best friend; I met her when I was one,
And even though I’m thirty now we still have lots of fun"
The poem, "Unearthly Being" speaks of an private interlude with a vampire. How often one desires that everlasting life experience with a vampire, yet this is not always the case.
I love a couple of the lines from this poem. This one - "To me this is perfect,
But perfection is a lie." How true! What seems to be perfect may be perfect but there is often a lie connected with it.
and this line - "To stay in these arms so cold and pale, I’ve never felt so safe;" ~sigh~ Nothing could harm you in those arms!
I really enjoyed this poem and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
The darkly penned poem, "Never Die" speaks on a heart that has been hurt so many times, crushed and wounded that the writer believes it to be dead. Except for the ending. There is a slight bright spot at the end. There is "you" and because of this person, his heart is so alive that it won't ever die.
Just a few suggestions:
I know that this is a free form poem but it seems jerky in sections.
Here, (My body, now) doesn't need a comma
The third stanza is where is I had a bit of trouble finding the tempo. ~grimace~
I would suggest you re-read it again out loud; it is amazing how helpful this is for editing your writing for clarity.
I've had many people sugget this to me and it has worked. As always, this is just my suggestion. Take it for what it is worth to you.
I look forward to checking out more work from your port.
The poem, "Unrelenting Rain" is a moving piece that speaks on the different effects that rain have had on the writer's life.
The way that you list the different ways that rain have impacted your life is really deep! Not to mention, the rain has such symbolism here.
Wow! The ending really got to me. The line right in the last paragraph -I used to love the rain, but that was years ago, before I knew you got drunk and killed our daughter" That was a tough one to read; it must have been even tougher to live through.
The short story titled "Why I Don't Work" is an interesting look at a girl who acquires a "special" gift that seemingly gets lost in a family who lives a happy, yet simple life.
I could only smile at the line - "Suddenly, I did something we were told to never do. I interrupted grown-ups!"
Boy, did you take me back to a forgotten era with that line! Children today, even my own child, have freedoms that we never were granted until we reached adulthood.
I thought it was clever how you explained the meaning of the title of the story in a very subtle manner. It was downplayed until the very end of the story, very much like the girl's gift in her family's eyes.
That was a nice touch.
I enjoyed reading this story and look forward to reviewing more of your writing.
The darkly truthful poem "Tea with Mr. Lonely" is so true when someone feels alone and there is only the dark feeling of loneliness to keep you company.
I like the image you paint of Mr. Lonely; a dark character that will keep you company, will serve you tea so you will stay and continue to be with him.
I like this line - "I lock my soul away
In a room without a key
And it sits in the dark and cold
With Mr. Lonely having tea." This is very intuitive. I like it!
The poem, "Community Kindness" speaks on a terrible tragedy, how communities can all bond together "in kindness" for the plight of a wounded creature but we all ignore whole families of people who are suffering continued poverty and loss.
It is important to note that it is good to give to charitable causes for creatures but to give to these causes and bypass humans who are going through hard times is a sad way to think and live.
Your poem speaks much truth on this subject in words that are eloquent and well-versed.
This sweet little poem called "Angel Days and Angel Nights" captures the night interruptions that the little ones in your life can bring to your sleep time.
I think that you spoke of them in such loving tones; it is obvious that they are the pride and joy of your life, even if you lost a bit of sleep here and there.
I truly thought that this line was so sweet: "Completely forgetting the troubles of last night.
They look at me,
I start to grin
With cute smiles of their own they easily win" Awww! Isn't this how it always works out?
This fantasy story, "Oaths" is an engaging read of that shows the different oaths that were made, on both sides to destroy one another.
I enjoyed reading this tale of good and evil. I was also surprised to see that evil won; this is a different twist than what I have encountered in the past.
This last line - "It was to no avail as the blade pulled the soul inside itself and sealed its fate." Boy, that was an interesting line. Not only did the elf not achieve victory for his Lady of Mysteries but his soul now belongs to someone else in the end.
I hope that this is a storyline that you will continue. I would like to read more of this saga.
The poem, "Life's Rose" is a descriptive poem that is lush with emotion and expression. The life of a person who only shows that part of themself that is beautiful, but not true; in the end, only to find themselves wilted and only a memory of time.
I really enjoyed this line - "Merged into pressed pages of time passed
A beautiful memory in books from the past" How sad but so there is so much truth in this line!
The haiku "Fingers" is a beautiful and deeply loving poem that is inspired by something that could be simple in anyone else's eyes, but to you, it is the touch of love.
Great haiku!
The Tale of Coco Adore
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