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356 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (2.0)
This has some creativity. A talking worm in an apple is a novel idea. There are a few issues with verb tenses.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
You've created a good combination of rhyming words to describe the play of children. Is this intended for children to read? It seems to be written for adults about children. Reading this poem aloud, it seems to be a bit choppy. The lines have different lengths.
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Review of One More Memory  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
I grew up with country music and this certainly fits the bill. I'd really like to hear this set to music. It's a hurtin' song for sure. Your rhyme flows. It's not forced. The final verse is my favourite. You should definitely write some more songs. You have a gift.
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Review of veeer abhimanyu  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
All of the accented "A"s make this difficult to read. I understand that you enjoyed a play and are describing it. There are run-on sentences. There are missing verbs and connective words. It seems rambling. Perhaps with some editing this piece would portray your enthusiasm better.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
Sorry. There are missing verbs and connective words, poor grammar and spelling. All of this makes the story difficult to follow.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a funny twist on an old story! Imagine a monster with courtship woes. "Shined"? Shone? Is "phial" a regional spelling? Sorry, I know it as "vial". The monster "didn't bath regularly". "Bathe" is the verb. This is well-written and funny. Keep it up!
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.5)
What a conundrum. Really, what is too old or too young? It's a miracle children learn anything at all because so much they hear and see are contradictions. I like the rhyme scheme; it works.
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Review of Broomstick  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I like this, very creative. Who knows what our accumulated stuff is really thinking about us, especially when we seem to have forgotten it. Why can't witches worry about reunions? I like the expletive, "witches' wrinkles". Well done! Is there more to this story?
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Review of Touchstones  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
Oops, I think "planed" was meant to be planned. Darn sneaky typos! You describe the uncertainty of grief very well. I really like the lines " But the days right now are mine alone And they seem to weigh a ton", and "My days and feelings confuse themselves As I trudge through thoughts and fears".
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (2.5)
I like your opening line, "His hands strong enough to lift my heavy heart". The line "It all began with a smile " is evocative. It does stir memories.
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Review of A Funeral At Dawn  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like how several of the lines are interchangeable and if they were presented in order they do not change the essence of the scene. For example, the first and third lines could become first and second, while the second and fourth lines could become the third and fourth lines. This also makes sense with " I'm well aware'. It could be followed by " The dead's family looks at me with a weird sense of familiarity".
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Review of Obsession  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Such torment! You certainly are describing pain. "Ach" should be "ache". "The fade" must be " the face". Typos......they happen. "Ensnared by within my unrelenting bite". Huh?
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
You do evoke the cold beauty of winter. It's a simple, uncomplicated poem..... almost stark, like winter itself.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You've got a good story going here. It reads like an adventure tale with action. There are a few issues with the word "the" missing and a "too" that should be a ""to". I think something is missing at the line, "and soon my legs cracking and stretching fully". Perhaps in spots your sentences could be shortened, thus doing away with punctuation choices.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (1.0)
Much of what you wrote is difficult to follow. Perhaps it would make better sense to someone with your gaming interests. It's a jumble that needs sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling corrections.
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Review of Out of her depth  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well written with a twist. Out of her depth, indeed!
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Review of The Journey  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
I've never read this rhyming scheme before and I must say that it is very effective and distinctive. I like it. It's a clever way to repeat a message or imagery. I really like your final stanza. It's thought-provoking. I shall remember " to know myself is all I dare".
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (2.0)
I am a SpongeBob fan, so I was curious. I first noticed that "homey" and "chummy" do not rhyme. There are a few spelling issues such as "devine" and "pinapple". I agree, SpongeBob is always ready to " give life a tweak". ( Correct spelling.) I know that you are writing about Mr. Krabs when you mention greed and the "register bell', but you only write "his". For those unfamiliar with the characters, you need to spell out their names.
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Review of GHOST  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Reading this, I get the impression that English is not your first language. The tangle of verb tenses, unfortunately, makes this writing difficult to follow and understand. I'm certain you do not intend to be funny with the passage " some bears' footprints that were probably very hungry". Footprints are never hungry. Sections like "pass their appetite" reflect wrong verbs.
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Review of Beach Bait  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a great story! You tell your adventure well. My only suggestion is to look at the second line. "Our hearts" is plural and the end of that sentence should reflect this. Perhaps it should read, " as they ever were"?
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
WHEW! What a great way for you to vent. You are brave to bear your soul. Self-discovery is a lifetime commitment. Your story is rambling and contradictory , but that makes it real. We don't always think logically, especially when it includes emotions. There are some issues with awkward sentences. I like the imagery of brushing things under a carpet to hide them and then never vacuuming.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Almost everything people "do" can be described as a mania, no? Writing is a particular mania. The first two lines of your poem remind me of Dr. Seuss who was a very upbeat writer. They convey optimism. Perhaps you could rework that first stanza so you don't have to repeat the word "rest"? It sounds great when read out loud. There's nothing worse than a sleepless night with nothing to do. I really like your final two lines.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (1.0)
Ghastly Appearance.... In the first line, should it be "ghosts" as in plural or " a ghost" ? The attempts to match words by rhyme doesn't work. There isn't any rhythm or punctuation. To read this out loud, I have to make a guess where to stop and breathe.
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Review of Strombidae  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (2.0)
I find the imagery to be heavy-handed. The idea of "faint darkness" is an oxymoron. Are you suggesting lightning flashing? "Supplicating" entails entreaty, pleading, earnest prayer, and imploring. It implies kneeling and submission too. You've repeated the imploring in this sentence. I like the idea of the "satiated air". During a thunderstorm, the atmosphere seems super-charged and it can be dramatic. The air is gluttonous: fat and full.
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Review of INVISIBLE  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Okay, the idea is here. It needs more to clarify it. I suggest you don't need to repeat the word "divorce" when describing that it is tearing Daniel apart. Did he fall to "the floor" or do you mean "the ground"? There are many run-on sentences that need to be shortened. Doing this could add to the feeling of Daniel's stress. Verb tenses are all over the place. "Apply's" should be "applies", but in it's sentence it should be "applied". Punctuation is important. It allows your descriptions to stand alone and be understood. "Start to convulse" should be "started". An ambulance cannot or does not ask questions.
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