"Game of Thrones" Hi! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: Untitled First Impression: The opening paragraph hooked me with the main character's longing for solitude and what it means to her, precious freedom. As a mother I can relate to this. Nothing commands a Mom's attention more than the everyday of raising her children. Her time , alone time, is a rarity. Abigail yearns for peace and the release of a daydream. She imagines flying as a bird and leaving her life behind. The final sentence is a shocker. Drought and fires have occurred. Abigail carries matches in her apron pocket. Is she the fire bug? It leaves me with questions and I want to have more to read. What needs your attention: I cannot think of much to say about this. I understand this is a short story with a limited word constraint. You've crafted a concise tale here. Kudos on incorporating the three prompt words, too. Perhaps consider anointing this piece of writing with a title. What part I liked best: I like how the possibility of Abigail setting the devastating fires is introduced. She can blame the dry conditions, but she has an interest in the fires, a fatal attraction. She rebels against her restrictive lifestle by flirting with danger. She can join her neighbours with offers of refreshments to those both battling the flames and those affected by it. No one would suspect she is nothing but concerned and caring. Abigail is a mother after all and mothers do not inflict harm. This act of rebellion seems to be her only escape. Abigail is certainly a complicated woman. Overall impression: This story relays so much in its limited format. There is action and introspection. The psychological is both a horror and a thriller. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say???? Listen carefully. ( 1888 characters ) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
{id:1994693} Iron Bank of Braavos "Game of Thrones" Hi! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: Thursday First Impression: So, why are you writing about this particular day? Hmmm, what is it about a Thursday? It's a random day that reoccurs every week. This one caused you to recollect and perhaps wallow in vivid memories. Some are cherished. Some seem bittersweet. They have become a part of you for better or worse. The title intrigued me. What needs your attention: I cannnot think of anything. I like the reflective voice in this piece of writing. Your humanity shows. You remember and you still consider the what ifs. Your images are vivid and have not faded with time. Wait... should there be an 'a' before mention of the rose against your lips? This is miniscule, eh? What part I like best: I appreciate your imagery, your descriptions. I can picture the sunset as you compare it with the dying embers of a fire. Both glow with a distinct intensity.You wonder if the former lover is visited by your ghost which is a great way to introduce memories. The relationship has ended and you still continue to breathe. Your life still carries on even with the mundane, the reflexive. I too wonder who turns on the moon? I like that you incorporate the different senses. Relationships are nothing if not complicated. Yes, they are comparable to ivy choking a house. Another bit of vivid imagery. Your musings surface whenever they wish and this is believable. Overall impression: This writing evokes so many word pictures and the sharing hints at a commonality. Memories are never out of reach or forgotten. They linger and provoke. you capture that well. Thank you for allowing me to read your work.It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say???? Listen carefully. ( 2003 characters ) The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" {id:1994693} The Iron Bank of Braavos Hi Elisabeth! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: EnviousFirst Impression: This is an intense poem. I'm seeing vivid imagery that compares envy to poison. It spreads insidiously through the mind and body spoiling if not destroying everything in its path. It wreaks total devastation. It is merciless and all-consuming. What needs your attention: I'm not sure what to suggest here. As is, I like the starkness, the bleakness of this piece. Envy is a dark emotion.It's not pretty. Why dress it up, or make it look pretty? Perhaps you could expand on this poem. Maybe involve the other senses. You describe the sense of touch, but what about the senses of hearing, smelling, even tasting?That could be interesting. What does envy sound like? What does it smell or taste like? I immediately think of bitter or caustic. Is it a screech, or a moan or a disturbed laughter? These are just suggestions and by no means criticisms. What part I liked best: You evoke a slow-burning, intense pain with these words. "Slowly pulling jagged thorns from soft flesh." Envy is an emotion that wounds both the host and its target. You make that clear. It's an awful feeling that infects everyone and everything equally. Yes, similar to a poison, it is toxic. No one is left unscathed. It scars as the stab from a thorn. You also suggest that envy is something to hide, perhaps be ashamed of having."I hate gently and quietly." It's not always visible or easily detected, but it lurks beneath the surface. Overall impression: This is an impressive poem. Envy is a destroyer and you present that view point well. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. That does the fox say???? Listen carefully. ( 1991 characters ) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect neccessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of thjios pice to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
https://www.writing.com/main/em/box//msg/19600/dl/..."Game of Thrones" Hi! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.Title:a death long since forgottenFirst Impression: Your title drew me in and I confess I was curious. Like everyone I have experienced the death of loved ones and I wished to read your take on it. Right away you mention a nursery in a farm house and I can picture an isolated, bare bones place. You then emphasize that it is abandoned which further highlights desolation and sorrow. I can relate to an abanoned , forgotten room and building. Yes, what memories does it keep?What needs your attention: I really can feel and see the imagery you invoke, but I believe this could be enhanced with more show and less tell. in other words add more description. Could there be faded and possibly torn wallpaper in that nursery? Is there a layer of dust? Have toys been left behind? Little clues to the former inhabitants would be nice. You mention that the air is thick. What does it smell like? Is it damp and musty? Writing with the senses in mind creates vivid scenes. Does the wind howl or moan or whistle? Perhaps the house creaks. Do animals reside in the empty house? Could mice scuttle, scratch and scurry? Bear in mind these are but my suggestions. This is a short piece and you may have plans to expand it at some point. What part I liked best: The subject matter is one that speaks to so many of us. The idea that a grieving mother's tears can be soaked into the walls is an excellent show. It suggests unbearable grief without using the word. The still ticking clock evokes a time when someone cared and noted the time. It still stands as a sentry. You hint that the former parents were superstitious and made attempts to ward off malevolent spirits. This is intriguing and introduces a hook, a possible story line. Overall impression: I read this piece of writing as a prelude, an introduction to a much longer story. It raises questions and curiosity is good to attract readers. What happened? What are the what ifs? Where are those people now? You have a scene, now what? I sense melancholy. I encourage you to re-visit this and expand on your initial idea.Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.What does the fox say???? Listen carefully. ( 2500 characters ) The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Stop hiding! It's a simple phrase, but so true. You know what to do, put pen to paper, or fingers to the keyboard. Scribbling is indeed a form of writing. Journals are great repositories of your thoughts, ideas, feelings, descriptions, and more. Writing about the everyday is not mundane. It still requires effort. Every single person procrastinates. We all defer things until that magical later. To be fair though, most of us are busy balancing all that demands our attention. You composed this piece and then posted on the Newsfeed. First steps tottered. Welcome to WDC. May I suggest you continue to browse and attempt to become involved whether that be posts, or comments re the writings of other authors here at this site. There are many contests, too. No experience required, all accepted. I'll return to read more of what you offer.
Hello! This reads as a diary/journal entry with a sad ring of truth about it. What a miserable, horrific childhood you describe. You spare the reader all the gory details, but you paint a terrible picture. Never mind feeling depressed, that is more than understandable. You must have been terrified. You never knew what to expect. All I can say is that some people do not deserve to be parents and they never should have been. Kudos to you for being resilient and rising above their treatment of you. Thanks for sharing!
Hello! I chose to read this because of the title. I have two daughters and a son who all played t-ball and then baseball. My eldest daughter earned the nickname Dusty because she liked to slide into home plate instead of running. Neither of my daughters has ever been girly-girls. They loved and excelled at sports and I could relate to Taylor aka Lizzy. This is a well composed story with a lesson for both Mom and daughter. We cannot and should not force our children to do or be what we wish. Thanks for sharing!
Hello! This is a short, but succinct piece of poetry. With the two opening questions action and a dilemma are introduced. Yes, why is the poor character sitting in a tree? Did the writer misplace him? What is he to do with this scenario, this scene? A writer holds all the cards, eh? Whimsical or not, a writer controls the setting and the plot. A hero may not be suitable, or well-placed. I laugh at the idea of a writer throwing rocks to drive the hero from his perch. Being a hero is apparently not easy. Thanks for the laugh and for sharing!
Hello! I've never been to Tennessee, so I was curious. I like the flow and rhymes of this piece of poetry. For many of us childhood is a wonderful time and it evokes sweet memories. you've captured that innocence and worry-free time. All you had to do was enjoy each day whether you were catching fireflies, or sipping lemonade, or wading in a creek, or swinging from a glorious tree, or picking blackberries, or eating watermelon. What an idyllic childhood. I like the repetition of " it was a Tennessee summer and we had it made." Thanks for sharing!
Hello! This is a tight, fast-paced piece of writing. So much happens in the space of limited words and a short time frame. Keck is a different, unique name. I find no fault with your grammar or spelling. So, a thief is himself robbed. I suppose that is plausible. Easy come, easier go. I also suppose the stolen item could be something not only valuable, but of vital importance to the victim. Don't mess with certain creatures/entities. They will hunt down their lost property with dire consequences to the thief. I like the surprise ending with its swift karma. Thanks for sharing!
Hello! I like gardens and so, I decided to review this piece of writing. First, let me state that some spacing would be nice here, like neat, orderly rows of plants. All the words are a bit tangled together. You seem to have written this in a stream of consciousness type of way. Your thoughts tumble and collide which enhance the turmoil you felt. I believe you are describing change and its pain. It occurs with or without our bidding. We may retain memories, but we must move on, try again, mourn, but not go backwards. Thanks for sharing!
Hello! With your words I feel the dread and despair of Jeremiah Grumpus. He worked all his life for a meager pension and money is tight. Of course he wishes to spend wisely, but he still has loyalty for his former employer and disdain for the upstart, intrusive Walmart. I can picture him in his disguise hurrying through the aisles. He begrudgingly marvels at the cheaper prices that are to his advantage. What a quandary. I noticed that 'he' is missing from the sentence "But if ran into someone he knew." Does the word twins need a capital? Does the word came in that sentence need a capital? Thanks for sharing this story!
Hello! I chose to review your poem because it was an ode to your Mom and she died in November. My Mom died several years ago and her birthday was in November. We know that a parent must die some day, but we're never fully prepared for that actuality, are we? Your poem is beautiful and melancholy. The rhyming scheme is different in that each stanza is not the same, but I like it. It's sorta similar to the vagaries of speech and our memories. Perhaps that's just me. The third stanza is my favourite. The idea of being hugged in your sleep by your mother is comforting. Thanks for sharing!
Hello Amy! First, I'd like to mention that I too am a Canadian residing in Ontario. Newfoundland is on my bucket list for travel. Some day I'll venture there. I believe most of us writers discover inspiration all around us in the everyday, the everything. Sometimes, it's our senses that trigger a story idea and they always contribute. Our senses are closely associated with our emotions and our memories. So much lurks in our brains waiting to resurface. Ideas do not always appear at will. They seem to need to percolate, simmer, ferment if you will. Thanks for sharing!
This piece is informative. Of course I am aware that individual finger prints are unique and may serve to identify each of us. I have learned that other wonderful creatures have unique features that are their own. When I looked at a zebra or a cheetah I noticed their respective stripes and spots as being the same for all of them. Now I will see them with new eyes and marvel at their beauty.Thanks for sharing and reminding me not to take anything for granted. Memorable line:"we are all connected by the prints we leave on the world.'
This story is hilarious.I congratulate you for incorporating so many of the prompt lines. It's a challenge you accepted and bested. That poor husband couldn't say anything at first to banish his wife's funk. She seemed immune to humour. The chili explosion broke the stalemate. One can only laugh at the unintended mess. Your dialogue is spot on and believable. Tension is like that. It blows in, rumbles, and then dissipates. Even the fact Ray almost smothered Laura attempting to protect her is hysterical. Thanks for the laughs and for sharing this tale.
hello! First let me say that I like your username, Puddle Diver. Creative, unique. Yes, I agree, this tale highlights a tragedy of sorts. Two people maintain a twisted relationship. Who permits their partner to refer to them as a puppy? This Alice certainly seems to be manipulative. This reads like a scene from a movie or television show. It moves at a quick, tense pace. I found the dialogue to be believable and it contributes to the story. Yes, now I wonder, too. Did they do this to each other? Enabling at its finest. Thanks for sharing!
I was intrigued by the title of this piece. Your mother seems to be a no-nonsense sort. "There was a world according to Mary and that was that." That sums up a straight shooter. She really believed in the whole corporate scam thing. Sensible and not one to spend money frivolously. I'm glad she celebrated two holidays. As a mother I too appreciate an any time phone call. It need not be a special occasion. No mother wishes to lose touch with her children or be remembered only because 'corporate' says it is so. I salute your practical parent. Thanks for sharing!
Hello fellow Ontario writer! You pose an interesting question in this piece of writing. What would or could we do without the use of words? Even sign language makes use of words at times. It's not all symbols or gestures. We rely upon words to communicate. Look at the slang or short forms of this digital age. They are too easily misconstrued. We need actual words. Pictures or art work could also be misunderstood. Interesting idea to mention animal instincts. This would be very basic communication. Thanks for sharing!
This is a beautiful piece of poetry. People are complicated and this attempts to address that. They are never one-sided or simple. We are not perfect and we exist amongst different characteristics. This unveils naked, brutal honesty. To question our purpose, our intentions, our actions is to be human. That question, what shall I say is haunting. Thanks for sharing!
I think it's wonderful you still possess that special doll and appreciate the sacrifice your parents made to gift it to you. Sometimes kids want so much in the way of toys and things. They're too young to understand what they really need, love and attention. So, you remember your doll smelling like chocolate? Something else you really liked? I like the final lines you wrote. "I can see all of my past in her eyes and I cherish every moment of it." A loving childhood is a powerful memory. Thanks for sharing!
So, this is a sweet-this-is the-new-and-improved-me-revenge story. Who doesn't fantasize about revisiting someone who has hurt or disappointed them at some point in the past? This is a look at me now tale. Reconnection does not always happen. Life gets in the way. Caroline is starting over with her life and she wants some attention. She seems to have become a stronger woman. This could be the start of a continuing story. What happens next? Cue dramatic music. The ending is a tease. Thanks for sharing!
I'm still laughing! Of course this incident of airport security would happen when the character was running late and very preoccupied. Who does give the contents of their luggage a second thought? Packing is but one step of many in the travel process. What a clever and practical addiction cure created by a ten-year old. I for one, however, would not relish poking my hand into that coffee can. Just a suggestion: in a few places you wrote the word 'to' and it should be 'too'. As in "the humor in the situation is too much." As in "too much coffee." Oh, and it's a " voice says." Thanks for sharing.
This is a tale of resilience and courage. You never gave up and accepted that you'd be paralyzed. You fought for your care and your voice was not silenced. Bravo! I cannot imagine your fear, your anxiety, your frustration. Of course you had questions! What a testimonial to love. Your family and friends plus your spouse never deserted you. They encouraged you and supported you. I am so happy for you that your efforts to become independent again paid off. Thanks for sharing your story.
Hello! I'm impressed. You not only are familiar with this Johnny Cash classic, but you dared to spoof it. Now I'm singing this familiar song in my head. I have an ear worm. My parents were country fans and thus I was treated to this particular tune and many others on a daily basis. Thanks for the laugh(s)! This is amusing, but of course not funny if it's based upon an actual event. I believe Weird Al would be impressed with your parody. For the future I shall remember your particular/peculiar lyrics. I shall introduce this to my family this coming camp season as we sit 'round our own campfire. Thanks for sharing. Keep fanning the flames.
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