*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
Review Requests: OFF
3,215 Public Reviews Given
3,254 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 7 8 9 10 -11- 12 13 14 15 16 ... Next
251
251
Review of Hide and See  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi normajean.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing a French Creme Brulee.


*BareTree3* By Hook or by Crook
I didn't realize how much of a 'pick me up' I needed until I read this piece. First the perplexing title, which the mind might fill in, unintentionally, Hide and Seek. the brief description draws attention back to the title, and you've capture your reader.

Competition pieces are incredibly difficult to write. After reading this one, and noticing it was never edited, I expect it flowed from your mind as surely as it reads here. What a treat when that happens. For myself, my writing is better under pressure. I'm working on a piece due at the end of this month and it's been edited at least eleven times. No kidding. Granted, I'm writing in a genre never tried before. I'm not entering to win, the point for me is the practice. But the endless re-thinks requiring rewrites, is exhausting. I won't give up, though.

*BareTree3* Following George and Mark
Spicy first sentence is the second draw. The conflict begins immediately, which is the most important part when writing with a word count. It's a simple enough plot, a concept that always evades me, but, wow, it's extremely clever. So many excellent plays on words. I especially liked how you tagged 'as they say' after the cliche about the pig. *Thumbsup*

*BareTree3* Characters
Both characters were believable and opposite, which created the conflict. I'd be furious with George, but Mark must be a good friend, and seems to take it in stride. The entire part about the super glue had me laughing, which I don't, by the way.

Top it off with the twist, and wa-la! *Star*

*BareTree3* A big bloop. *Sad*
Only one big error. Writers don't show emotions in full caps or excessive punctuation. We use our skills to demonstrate emotional reactions by having the character respond to the problem. (You're certain to see which section I'm referring to, as it sticks out like a fire hydrant in the middle of a green field.)

Please, either return to edit that part, or take the knowledge forward to the next story. It broke my heart to see such a fantastic story thrown off balance with full caps and multiple exclamation marks.

There's a few places where the words bump up against each other, incorrect spacing. My suggestion is the same as before. Continue on and remember not to let that happen.

*BareTree3* Off I go!
Thank you so much for writing this. Random review surely treasured me today to bring me to this fantastic story. Keep writing, okay?

~Nixie



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
252
252
Review of Download This!  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Jeff
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing France - Creme Brulee.

What a complete stroke of luck to land here via random review. It's not easy to find Sr. Mods for Brooke's activity.

I've never liked punctuation in titles, before seeing yours. Since you can't italicize a word, an exclamation mark seems to be the only option. And without that mark, the meaning would be diluted.

So, here come the tiny Borg, about to assimilate earth. *Laugh* I've
always dreamed of humans evolving to telepathy, but never any thoughts taken against one's will. We'd have to learn how to build walls in our minds. Wait, everyone already has walls constructed. That's what makes speech so subjective. It would be nice if humans evolved in some way. All I've read so far is people, in their own homes, adapting cybernetics for their own bodies. Really weird.

Tony's one smart guy. What fascinates some humans disgusts me. I don't understand what the attraction is to abusive tv series like the CSI Special Victims. Is that the name? I can't imagine what an alien species would make of our predilection for violent virtual games. Again, not all of us. But Tony must have had a few disgusting images in mind. Or maybe they were acceptable to humans, but not these aliens.

"Just plain wrong" was my favorite phrase. Maybe because I tend to say it. Anyhow, crisis averted. What an awful twist for an advanced concept. Words as warfare.

As always, I enjoyed stopping by your port and absorbing a bit of your outstanding writing. *Smile*

~Nixie



~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
253
253
Review of Unfilled Time  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Angelica. Nixie here. I found your story via random reviewing.

*Vignette2*
From the top
Excellent title! The theme could have been expressed in many different ways, but I can't think of one more elegant than yours. *Smile* The brief description clues in the reader, which is a good thing, since the contest was so severely word-limited.

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
I'm trying hard to relate to this, but it's not an easy task, for the reason written above. I understand the content, for the parents it's a short walk, but the second line has a double-meaning. It can be referred to as time, or the length of stride. I needed to walk four steps to keep up with my dad's one. Now I'm wondering why he never slowed down for me.

*Vignette2*
suggestions/Thoughts
Apologies, I'm unclear as to the meaning of five. Was the child accompanying the parents and bringing her stuffed toys? In the beginning, it sounds like the parents are leaving her behind. So how did the toys fall?

*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up
"Then they came back." is a conclusive line which makes me think the parents really did leave the child alone for a bit. So then I'm back to sussing out the meaning of the teddy bears falling. *Laugh*

I clicked on the contest link you posted. What a shame it's no longer running. The challenge looked like fun.

I'm not really sure why this was rated so low before. You had a lot to overcome, and only so much can be expected. Seriously, I think you did a good job, other than confusing me. *Laugh*


Damiana Matrix SPR

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
254
254
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Holly! Welcome to WdC. *Smile*


Overall Impression
Beginning at the end, I found the conclusion pretentious and snobby. Lucky for me I read it again, and realized it was fictionalized. The narrator still didn't feel like a person I'd like to meet, but that was only at the conclusion.

Thoughts/Feelings
What was fun for me? The delight of seeing German here. Ich spreche nur ein bißchen.' or, Ich spreche nur ein wenig deutsch. Yes, I could understand the German written here. It's also how I know the sentence in the beginning should be "ich liebe dich", not [du.] Maybe you'll want to go through and correct the rest. *Wink*

It was fun to read about the cultural history and the interweaving of languages. "ich vermisse ihn auch." was my favorite moment. It was so intimate, her whispering into her mom's ear that she also missed her father.

For readers who don't speak multi-languages, perhaps a translation at the end would make the work more reader friendly. Some of the French I can guess at, but that's all. So many people in America speak Spanish now, I really need to learn.

Lasting Impression
So, honestly, I didn't like the narrator at all, due to the conclusion and the pretentiousness. I did like her rich cultural experiences, though.

Think about adding in translations. *Wink*

Here's a place you may want to check out.
"Noticing Newbies" 


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
255
255
Review of rain  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi day-na.
Nixie here. Dropping off a review for the activity depicted below. I'm making a dessert France - Creme Brulee

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


First off, welcome to WdC! We're happy to see new members.

For this flash of inspiration regarding human perception, I wonder if it can be taken a bit further. The concept is thought-provoking, and I understand, as one of your first pieces, you most likely dashed this off before the words slipped from your mind. That happens to me almost every day. *Pthb*

The topic of rain is unusual, and your short comments provoked a strong reaction, unexpected from only a few words. I thought of my mom and how she feels cozy and protected when it rains. I like the sound. And if there's a storm, all those negative ions in the air lift one's spirits.

I'd be amiss not to point out a few areas that need editing. Remember to always capitalize [I] in a sentence.

If you're directly quoting someone, the person's name needs acknowledgement. I googled the quote and Bob Marley appears to be the author. His name should appear, either in the body of the work,
[I've always liked the quote by Bob Marley...
or at the end.

Your feelings are stated in the beginning, introducing the mood, reflective and relaxing. I understand this is a personal reaction, but what if you could give the reader more? Describe a specific rain-experience. My mom liked the rain best when she was driving. (She's in her 90's, the past tense reflects her at a younger age, not as a deceased person.)

Here goes my mind into overdrive. Great job putting words to virtual paper. I think you have the basics for a short story in your words, should you be so inclined. Just sayin'. *Wink*

Most importantly, never stop writing. I'm on my 10th edit of what should have been an uncomplicated plot, but the story keeps taking me in other directions. A huge part of writing involves editing. You should have seen the first draft. *Facepalm*

Hey, you can always stop here to meet some new members.
"Noticing Newbies" 


All the best,
~Nixie




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
256
256
Review of I Want to Write  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi G.B. Nixie here, landing in your port via random review.

Every writer starts somewhere, and writing about the inability to write *Laugh* often triggers inspiration. Writers also have to read, and a published author's words can arouse a writer's sleeping talents. I've also heard that writers have to get all their 'crummy' writing out before the accomplished writing comes.

Sitting back and brooding leads nowhere, as you mention here. Forcing words from mind to virtual paper derails inaction. Prompt words often help. We have plenty contests to enter. your work will be seen, and you'll receive feedback that hopefully assists.

The first stanza is your hook to draw in a reader. In this work, it's a little choppy. I understand what you're saying, but maybe some tweaking, rearranging of words might help. I'm reading two feelings in one stanza. You want to write, but almost unrelated, the subject of killing trees pops up. It sounds as if your desire is to kill trees. And I know that's not what you're trying to convey. Since online writing requires no paper, maybe we can save some trees.

Try to find alternate words as mentality and mental are two similar words in close proximity. Sometimes the rhyming scheme flows. In the second line of the first stanza, an internal rhyme pops up. In the second stanza, hard and enthralled do not work as a rhyme.

I suggest editing this work by reading this out loud. It sounds weird, but it works. Your other option is to hopefully find a nugget of truth to carry forward and write something else.

Never worry about 'voicing' your concerns. The more you write, the more your true talents reveal themselves. What's the secret to success? Read, review, write. And then the worst, edit. *Pthb*

Be patient with yourself. Here's a link that will connect you with other new members.
Never stop writing!

"Noticing Newbies" 

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
257
257
Review of SNOW  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Richard. Nixie here. I found your story via random reviews.

Great, captivating story carried the plot by personifying snow. From the beginning, the pilot had little chance of survival, and from there the situation only worsened.

Beginning each paragraph with a capital [S] was very effective in spelling out an animated personality. I enjoy snow, but there is a mountain in NYS where squalls blow in unexpectedly and people die.

The pace of the story was slow, but didn't drag. You may want to consider using contractions to lighten it up. But if you want your snow to show off superiority, then using no contractions works. The story was believable and accurate. I could see the pilot struggling to live, and the snow determined to kill him.

Below, I left a few comments, without overwhelming the review, pointing out each and every one.

*BareTree3*
Your choice, of course, but surly seems out of place in this sentence.
Flying so low allowed Snow to slowly, surly build up on the wings of his plane.

*BareTree3* Lapses of attention
The sentence below is a gerund. Take care when beginning a sentence with an (ing) word. The pilot cannot simultaneously crawl and stagger.

Crawling from the cabin the pilot stagger away from the plane just in time to turn as it exploded into flames.

Even with the help of the broken tree branchs missing the [e]

Farther is distance. Further is everything else, often the progression of time.
seemed to get [further] away with every tortured stride.

Well done. Thanks for the read!

Damiana Matrix SPR

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
258
258
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Dongeon. I found your story using the read and review option.


Overall Impression
Considering I don't read dwarf and elf stories, you're quite the writer! And for something written in 2003 with 22 reviews? Normally, I'd pass on. Dang, you held my attention all the way through.

Characters
Cachi was quite a character. Daring, capricious, and fun. But Tormal stole my heart. His resigned manner of following Cachi against his better judgment tickled my funny bone, wherever that is. *Laugh* And Cachi sure has a lot of demands. Excellent and engaging dialogue between the two. What else could Tormal do at this point? I figured the story would wrap up with flowers and kisses, but an elf entered the scene, taking me by surprise.

From there, the danger escalated and both dwarfs seemed doomed. The story took another turn, and a whole new scene began. Ick for the description of the snake people, but ingenious way to show their appearance.

The plot moves swiftly as the battle ensues. Vivid descriptions! I know I belonged on Cachi and Tormal's side, but I felt sorry for the snake/person, who transformed from an elf. I had my doubts as to her children, it could have been a trap. But the dwarfs helped, after wounding the mother. YAY for Cachi who showed compassion. That's what I was hoping for.

Cute ending wrapped up the story. Thanks for the unusual read. *Smile*

~Nixie

New identity for SPR

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
259
259
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Paul
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm making an Australian - Bondi burger.

I can't believe I read this. My interest in vampires is -100. *Laugh* One reason I fell into this trap was my fault. I read the title, but not the brief description. The second reason I stayed revolved around your writing style. Though the plot dragged with passive verbs, it was still compelling to be inside a vamp's head.

Most are familiar with vampire lore, but you made this story personal through characterization. You effectively made me despise Sally. A strong vampire, beyond what Amanda expected. At first, she merely annoyed me. As the situation fell from bad to worse, I thought of her as stupid, refusing to move on,

I have to ask, why then did she turn.
Sally should not have turned; she'd only been bitten twice.


This sentence made no sense to me. How were the heads reunited? They were already dead. Sorry if I missed something.

The heads have already been reunited with their respective bodies.”

Good idea to write this as a list. The story progressed exactly as promised. A vampire taking account of his life. On television, I've seen vampires feed on animals. Yes, I confess to watching one series.

Favorite vivid description.
they often go into a frenzy – like sharks in the ocean

I'm not sure why I read the brutal descriptions.

It can be tricky to go back in a story, and I had to read the beginning a few times before it made sense.

The reader knows Sally is a vampire.
I struck at Sally, but Sally was not human.

The husband Jake doesn't know Amanda is a vampire? And then only Sally knows among her brothers?

Clever idea: police scanner.

Okay, before I drive both of us crazy, I'll stop thinking about this story (haha, unlikely) Thanks for the read.

~Nixie

pref


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
260
260
Review of New moon  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Bikerider. Random review has dropped me here, once again.
Yes, it's Nixie, preparing an entree ~ Australian - Bondi burger


Great story! What an inspiring (a little play on words there) write showing how the settlers lived and worked together toward a common goal. Writtenword, such an unusual name for a planet. I wondered if only writers lived there. That wasn't true. And I wondered about other things, like how many were there, where they came from, how they got there...nothing of importance with the theme you dreamt.

The way the domes connected made me think of a gerbil maze I made for my kids. *Laugh* And so they had to be linked for movement and visitation. I wasn't sure of the relationship between Tisha and Gabe. Since they came from the same dome, they must be married, or some sort of couple.

The Domemaster (excellent descriptive name) stole the show, literally. For eleven years the settlers had seen nothing above except the domes. I guess it's sort of like living underground. I can't stop asking so many unrelated or specific questions. But I stopped because you were word-restricted by the contest. *Checkg*

The description of the cake held me there for a bit as I tried to picture it in my head, I didn't quite understand that part. The performances described made of think of a traveling minstrel show. Times ten.

I'll admit to more curiosity wondering what the settlers brought for gifts. And I remained curious as they were never revealed. Again, not specifically germane to the plot.

My only problem stemmed from the endless word [gift]. I know all this is past you now, but I don't write without a thesaurus bookmarked.

Considering what you had to work with, nicely done. I'm a little taken aback that this piece didn't win. However, that's not the purpose of entering a contest, for me. It's a way to practice writing. Winning is a bonus, not winning isn't disappointing.

Good grief I've babbled on. I never wanted to leave your story world. Can I be a settler? *Laugh*

Thanks for the pleasure of reading and reviewing your work.

~Nixie

Mod


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
261
261
Review of THE LAST SWALLOW  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Rich
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing an entree, Australian - Bondi burger.

I liked the title, though full caps never look polished to me. Some writers prefer it. Double meaning up there. What if swallow meant a human swallowing something...but what could be not ours? The investigation began.

The plot wrapped me up, exactly like what you so poetically described in the story. all the scenes, so elegantly written created a movie in my mind. I've never seen a eucalyptus tree before. Thanks for painting the the sight. Now I can see how huge those trees were. Two men not enough to encircle? Wow.

Are we talking about mealie worms? I don't think so, which means I had no idea what mealies were. The description was picturesque.

I remember one time a squirrel not taking refuge soon enough before the hurricane hit. It was a small one, but the squirrel clued me in as to when the massive winds blew. He'd tucked his little body into the crook of a tree. As the howls began, he sheltered himself with his little curled up tail, and survived.

Excellent portrayal of someone watching an on-coming storm. Those clouds sounded bruised and nasty. Hail is an interesting phenomenon, unless you're caught in it. Forget being able to spare your car if you're driving. And most likely, kiss your roof goodbye. As described here, it is a fascinating sight as it blankets the ground.

Oh, the swallows, though. All I could do was hope they'd live, although it seemed unlikely.

One swallow lived, rescued by the narrator. Coaxed back to life, only for nature to swoop in and claim its dinner. I've seen that once before, and it's disturbing. I hope the prey dies when the claws bite in.

Life and death, all the same. I think about the life span of squirrels and swallows. How do they perceive the passing? Or are they totally unaware. Poison frogs have their defense. The moths that change color too, so they're not visible.

Nature is an amazing phenomenon. I'd prefer being a creature instead of a human. At least I won't be destroying the earth.

As I'm sure you noticed, your story entranced me. I spent some time here, absorbing all that happened. Great write!

~Nixie

pref


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
262
262
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Ken.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. U'm cooking up an Australian - Bondi burger entree,

You may think I'm kidding, but you'd be wrong. *Laugh* This may be the last time I stop by your portfolio.. I landed here via random reviewing.

Why won't I return? Because every item I've ever reviewed is perfect, always a five. Can't you make one simple error? Maybe I did catch you this time, If I'm reading correctly, a word is missing.

He went to [the] rope, giving

Along with the others, this story was concise, using word economy. The sentences flowed one into the other foe an easy read. You created a character I identified with, thinking of him the same as any other child learning a new skill. Many of my favorite people are kids. They[re so honest and forthright. Mostly, they are successful at completing a task. This poor troll had a whole lot dangling in the breeze.

The story was complete, setting, characters conflict, resolution, all in place. Who knew campanology was the actual meaning of the verb. "The art or practice of bell-ringing." Incredible.

Everyone has to love your sense of dry humor. What an image you created showing the troll ringing the bell with its body. Did he live?

Never one to disappoint, you'd better make an apology to Mr.Hemingway. You'll have to crank up those creative gears if you want to ask someone dead to pardon you. *Laugh*

Witty write!

~Nixie







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
263
263
Review of Against the Fence  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Pony Tale
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I am preparing an entree Australian - Bondi burger.

In general, time makes no sense to me. If we're in the moment, it's already the past. With our next thought we're in the future. One breath. In your write, time made sense to me because you included all expressions of time. Beautiful.

Your unique choice of words added to the majesty or this work. You had me scrambling a few times to look up definitions. Outstanding. What a clever mind you have. Either you looked up those words, or you already knew them, we'll never know. Those words enriched the already breath-stealing story. Definitely a timeless piece. On a second read through, tears burned my eyes. Normally, I'd deny the roughly paraphrased 'remember the way it used to be'. My mind usually balks, claiming no such thing.

The words and the formation of sentences lent a lyrical sound to the story. Each and every sentence held my attention while I pondered. And then you slammed me with the conclusion. Usually, I'll comment about the hook, the title, first. The title evoked images in my mind, and the brief description hurt my heart. I wish this had been written in 2019 because I'd nominate for a Quill. It's not often I stumble across an accomplished work such as this.

I have an infinity for trees and also remember them. To my shame, as a child I remember peeling the bark off a willow tree because the pattern fascinated me. Then my dad told me I was damaging the tree, as if tearing off its skin. I wish not that memory had not returned.

That's not a summation or interpretation of this work at all. The tree created a metaphor of your life. My words are inadequate to describe the splendor and poignant read. The title hits home at the last. Wow!

~Nixie
pref


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
264
264
Review of A Bear in a Storm  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Firewriter
Nixie here. Dropping off a review for the activity depicted below. I'm making an entree Australian - Bondi burger.

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


There's a first time for everything, and this time it's a question for you. What motivated you to write this unusual and unique piece? I hope you reply because I'm genuinely curious.

I've only encountered bears a few times in the mountains. Luck would have it they had no interest in me.

So your bear lives and enjoys life in the snow. Does this have a double-meaning? I liked how you emphasized his uncommon way of life by showing how other bears reacted to him.

I appreciate reviewers who tell me they made an emotional connection or not. My main focus is on a character, but a parable tells a different story. So much time has passed since I've read a parable, I double-checked the meaning by googling. A parable tells a story with a message. In this case, your wise bear shows that it's okay to be an individual and reminds us to watch our lives in joy. To celebrate living. That's a lesson often forgotten in this crazy world. (I think the bear is 'talking'.)

Reading a short work like this challenges the reviewer to choose a rating. I think more details could be added with less repetition of the word [bear]. And I suggest using a paragraph between describing your bear and the other bears thoughts. Beginning here: 'some other bears'. And possibly again at 'but not this bear.' That's a loose comment. This is your work, and I don't know if that last suggestion would look right without seeing how the parable forms.

In the conclusion, who is speaking? Most likely the bear. However, since 'I've heard' is in the second line, I had to think twice about who made the wise observation. I decided the bear was communicating. Where is the storm?

*Star*
I spent quite a bit of time writing this review, and that means I liked the work enough to chat with the author. *Checkg*

Here's a link where other new members sometimes gather.

"Noticing Newbies" 

~Nixie

newbie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
265
265
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Rhychus.

Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing an entree Australian - Bondi burger

As a quick recap, the theme is people enjoying watching others' fail and fall? That gives me the shudders and creeps me out, but these are your words and your story-world. I'm along for the journey.

You've done an excellent job describing all sorts of unfortunate people, to the fine point of showing how they became that person. It half-sounded like a psychological exam, and the other half of me envisioned a zoo full of these people, as if they were captured and displayed. Even worse, I imagined labels on their cages, identifying them.

(The fourth line is the first stanza is chunky.)

The light illuminating the characters was harsh and unforgiving. At the conclusion, I felt sick to my stomach, not the least bit entertained. Such is the demonstration of satire. You nailed that genre, but ick. *Laugh*

~Nixie

reg


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
266
266
Review of Sleeping Beaten  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Melisscious. We meet again.
Nixie here. Dropping off a review for the activity depicted below. I'm making an entree Australian - Bondi burger .

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


The first chance to snag your reader is through the title and brief description. Both could be strengthened. In the brief description, give the reader a hint about the contents. You can add the contest challenge at the bottom of your entry. *Wink*

Next, if they're iffy on whether to read or skip over, the author has a second chance. Grab them in the first sentence or line.

My first impression was confusion. In the first sentence, it sounded as if you're personifying the truck. My name wasn't what they called me.

A few sentences later, I felt drawn to it.

Maybe I'm reading it wrong. In my mind, there are two separate entities. A truck and a person. If that's correct, maybe others will be confused, as well. The way it reads to me is [I] is the truck. Going deeper, if you want to keep the three lines at the top, you could switch this to third person. Eric felt drawn to it.

*Star*
Once past the confusion, your prose delighted me. The words were imaginative and none repetitive. As the story/prose darkened, fear edged up a notch with every line. The truck morphed into something menacing. The narrator's thoughts added to the intensity.

*Shock2*
Completely enjoying myself, I never saw the last two lines coming up. (Often I read from the bottom up.) That's not the point.

You blew my away with those two lines. They far exceeded the impact of every other verse. Of course, all were necessary to further the plot.

A good write for the picture prompt. If I'm the only one confused, pardon me. Keep writing! You have a gift.

Want to meet more new members?

"Noticing Newbies" 

~Nixie





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
267
267
Review of Bound  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi BowHuntress
Nixie here. Dropping off a review for the activity depicted below. I'm making an Australian - Bondi burger.

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


As I read, errors pop up. When that happens, my reviews come out upside down. Usually, the suggestions appear later, after the accolades and positive input. But if I don't catch these errors now, I'll have a hard time finding them after finishing the story. One way to help the reader/reviewer would be to add paragraphing. So, we'll follow the story together. *Wink*

First comment: Turn passive sentences into active by avoiding passive verbs, any form of to be. In this case, the passive culprit is [was]. You'll need to root it out and rewrite the sentence. I prefer not to correct sentences with suggestions.

Moving on.
I won't copy/paste when corrections are extensive. That's why we're reading the story in tandem. In the beginning, 'no sounds could be heard anywhere' and then next
The wind whistled through the air like [a] scary, shrill scream.

In the next sentence 'heavy' should be 'heavily', but [ly] words, adverbs indicate a weak verb. What about panting?

Watch for repetition.

She wasn't sure but one thing was for sure,

[just] is considered a non-word. Delete it whenever it pops up.

She slowly took a deep breath, as someone began getting close behind her.
Using only your words
She drew in a shaky breath as someone closed in on her.

Come on out Makenna." The man said...

Quick punctuation fix.
Come on out Makenna," the man said...

that every child in the family inherited and learned [to do when they got old enough.]
Suggest the age is specified for clarity and word economy. [when they turned fourteen]

but she was different than mot
[most]

"What's wrong "mighty hunter", you can't find you're target?"

"What's wrong 'mighty hunter', you can't find you're [your] target?"

Full blooded werewolf's

Full-blooded werewolves

**********
I skipped over the majority of mistakes. Rewriting is required.

*Star* *Star*
The story line is compelling, so please don't abandon your work. As a gentle suggestion, perhaps polish this part up before you move on and write more? Reading and reviewing will demonstrate telling vs. showing, an author's most valuable tool. You'll learn how to write active, not passive sentences, and how to avoid adverbs by choosing stronger verbs.

I have complete confidence that you can edit this work. It won't be fun, but it's doable. *Wink*

You may want to check this out if you'd like to meet more new members.
"Noticing Newbies" 

~Nixie

Newbie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
268
268
Review of Love is crazy.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Carrick. *Smile* Welcome to WdC. I found your story using the read and review option.

Overall Impression
Title: Crazy needs to be capitalized. Love and crazy Doesn't make sense. Do you want the title to be:

Love is Crazy

In the brief description, the word [fallen] should not be capitalized.

The beginning few sentences are wise. People do get broken hearts, but we shouldn't give up. In your words did I read the advice that waiting for something to happen means it never will? Especially when it comes to love.

After struggling to read your work, I wondered if English was not your first language. Bios filled out introduce the reviewer to the writer. Good job. *Checkg* From what I read in your bio, it seems my guess was most likely correct.

Think about this *Wink*
I'm happy you were able to transfer your feelings from your mind to your fingers and write. Sometimes the words get stuck, but this read like an outpouring of emotions, unfiltered and honest. Wonderful. *Bigsmile*

It seems you're learning to speak and write in English. Good for you! Mostly you're having trouble with verb tenses. Reading and reviewing will help you see how the language works.

Paragraphing creates an airy, open place for your words to be seen. All bunched up as they are right now, the reader is looking at a large block of text.

I think the overall theme is going back and forth with feelings for two boys. One moment you're in love with someone, the next, the other boy.

My suggestion is to take this out of a telling story and write an active accounting with dialogue. It's a skill you can learn as you continue to write. You'll learn to move from passive writing by noticing the many sentences written with the verb [was].


Including your friend in the story means you can add dialogue. For example:

Passive: your sentence
I even ask my friend to look and see if he was staring at me.

Active (I'm making up a name for your friend.)

"Rose," I asked. "Is Eric staring at me?"

Closing comments
I'm worried this review has too many unfamiliar words that don't make sense to you. If so, I apologize.

Here's a general outline of what we discussed.
Add paragraphing
Make the story active, tossing out the word [was]
Use dialogue. avoid narration.

The largest obstacle is that English is your second language. I'm learning to speak German, and I don't dare write one word for fear of messing up.

Through my years of reviewing, this is the second time I've read something written by a teenager. I remember what life felt like as a 14 year old. Definitely a rotation of boyfriends coming and going.

Good grief! This review looks overwhelming. *Pthb* My intention was to encourage, not discourage you. *Thumbsup*

I admire your bravery, sharing your thoughts with the community. You may be interested in meeting other new members. I've included the link below that will lead to the forum. Most importantly, continue writing!

"Noticing Newbies" 

~Nixie

New identity for SPR

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
269
269
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Sam!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing Australian - Bondi burger recipe.

Ah, nothing like satire to bring a smile to my face. Excellent and to-the-point title, and a quip for the brief description worked well as a hook. 'A brief guide' made me laugh because it demonstrated that nothing about being with family can be brief. We'd need a book for that. *Wink*

Back in the days when we all got together for Christmas, we had more joy than expressed in your witty satire. We all loved each other, and incredible as it sounds, we never had any awkward moments. Except for me. Christmas was at my house, at least 20 family members. Weeks and weeks of preparation, I pulled it all off. But every single time something happened before we all went to Mass, and I broke down crying. One year I was showing my sister-in-law how to iron her dress without crinkling the fabric. And then I did exactly that. Placed a too-hot iron on the dress and scorched it. My brother said it looked better that way. *Laugh*

I was sobbing behind locked doors. There's such a thing as putting on a merry face to one's own detriment. Thanks for adding those last few comments. It's the same with everything. No such words as always and never. We find joy where we can, living without expectations.

Now, Thanksgiving? with a rag-tag or with pathetically few guests? That's always been awkward. This year, we had only four. We celebrated the day before to take the expectations and pressure off. When my son-on-law washed his phone, we all laughed so hard, for different reasons, we all found happiness in the end.

Personal experiences aside~ Thanks to annoying TV shows, none of what's written here is unique. Has everything been done and said, already? That's depressing. What we celebrate is the writer's approach to the theme.

Clever introduction to showing off the characters without being tedious. I liked the 4 paragraph breakdown, each topic in bold. It seemed like reading a brochure. I can't disagree with one tactic here. Had I been a guest, not the hostess, I'd have used all four of those suggestions, leaning heavily on the alcohol. *Rolling*
I also liked the last sentence. Because those coping skills can be carried to any awkward gatherings. *Thumbsup*

By writing this piece, you allowed me to relive some past holidays. Nicely done.
Keep writing!

~Nixie

Image #2122576 over display limit. -?-





registered


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
270
270
Review of Frustration  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi latentlove
Nixie here. Dropping off a review for the activity depicted below. I'm making French Bouillabaisse Appetizer.

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


This counts as my first time to be struck dumb and still want to write a review. I honestly don't know how to respond to this. I read your bio, nice going, and I'm not afraid of dark. Rather, I'm drawn to it.

I'm objecting to the words [supposed to]. It's too close to [should] which is impossible. All that's real is what is. Nothing is supposed to be a certain way, and nothing should be a certain way. We have what we have.

And in this work you've accomplished your goal, anyhow. Even though the words are glued and one is desperate to separate and share them, free thinking works too. We all yearn for understanding. Poems can be oblique to the reader and make sense to the writer. That's not a reason to stay silent. And you haven't!

What sticks in my mind is the remark about poetry being beautiful, pain discreet. Both are valid emotions and there's no rules for how to express them. I do like the majesty behind those words, though. You're a true poet.

Now for the lecture. *Laugh* We can't help the way we feel. Feelings fall on us like rain. There's no controlling them, only waiting them out. That can take an enormous amount of time. I've been struggling with anger for a week now. Finally, I'm wearing myself out. Negativity is a heavy burden. Joy is light.

You'll find a way to conquer or dissolve those walls. If you use visualization, it works. See the walls for what they are. An illusion. No need to lie to yourself, even if it feels like the truth. You're not imprisoned. Except I know exactly what that means. We all have walls to protect ourselves, but the walls that jail us can be dissolved. Evaporated. Nonexistent. A lie. Write, write, write. Who cares how it comes out? Write for yourself, even if you don't understand. I'm lecturing myself here, as well. I'm gritting my teeth, fighting back every thought that's slipping through. I want to stop the words, but now they've started ...you can do the same.

~Nixie

You might want to check out

"Noticing Newbies" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
271
271
Review of Purpose  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi George
Nixie here. Dropping off a review for the activity depicted below. I'm making French Bouillabaisse Appetizer

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


My first reaction? Beautiful.

What a lovely poem. The overall mood is uplifting, like a melody. The words employed painted a story and revealed something wise. Most appreciate the turning of the leaves, but I, for one, never thought of them in such a poetic way. I'm not savvy to all the ploys used in poetry, but the rhythm gently moved me. I did recognize the alliteration in the second line.

I liked your usage of the words [legion] and [clan]. Unusual words make an interesting read.

*Heart*Favorite line

Binding sun and earth and water into fiber for your tree.

You've shown the natural progression of seasons and the connection of all things natural working in harmony. Except for what humans ruin.

One word titles either impact me or draw a mediocre reaction. I sometimes have trouble working out a title if one doesn't pop into my head. Purpose is certainly a reflection of literal content. However, it doesn't express the elegance of this piece.

The brief description tears me in half. Part of me thinks it dramatic, already enticing the reader, and the other part wants it to keep the secret, only revealing the final glory in the last sentence. You'll make a poet of me, yet. *Smile*

This adverb works, but it's awkward. [uncomplainingly].

At last the final purpose is revealed in such a poignant manner. Painting yourself into this canvas and hoping to serve as the leaves left me with a winsome feeling, thoughtful and calm. I read it 5 times simply for enjoyment. Nicely done.

Keep writing. The link below will direct you to other new members, if that sounds like something you'd like to do.

~Nixie

"Noticing Newbies" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
272
272
Review of More Secrets  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi R_chel
Nixie here. Dropping off a review for the activity depicted below. I'm making French Bouillabaisse Appetizer.

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Thanks so much for spilling out your feelings. Not everyone is as brave as you. For 14 years old, I'd say you're wise. To know yourself inside and out is truly remarkable. My parents were weird, but they never said they didn't love me. They never said they did, either, but that was generational. It sounds like you're experiencing something outside of the norm with your parents. Whatever normal is. Not to diss your parents—it's best not to judge—I think your path has been more difficult due to their parenting style.

Parenting is terrifying—always afraid to make a mistake and mess up your kid. You're having the opposite situation. You've already learned to rise above, when you should be receiving support, not side-stepping your parents.

No one wants to show weakness or need, but one has to know when to ask for help from someone they trust. Do you have someone like that in your life? Do you have another place to go if need arises?

Mine was the house kids ran to when they needed help. Even though the parents didn't care, I had all those kids call their parents and let them know where they were. That was the deal if they wanted to stay.

I know one mom who threw her daughter out in the middle of the night, in the rain, in her pajamas. That mom kept a calendar counting down the days until her daughter would leave.

Another kid took refuge in my bathroom when her father came to pick her up. He dragged her out, threw her down on the couch, and sat on her! Parents can be weird. That doesn't make it okay.

*Right* Your work would be easier to read if you used paragraphs and a larger font. *Wink*

Once we're on the merry-go-round it never stops and one cannot get off. Such is life. You're doing the best you can. Keep writing!

I included one link below if you want to find other new members.

~Nixie

"Noticing Newbies" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
273
273
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "January 13, 2020" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi p. boutilier . Nixie, here, reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

I dearly hope you find someone other than I to review this. The red ribbon is telling, though. You've already had this reviewed by others who are savvy about this topic.

You expressed an awareness that your poem could draw disagreement. I think that's what you meant. 'Negative feedback' sounds like a reviewer critiquing your writing ability and means of expression. Feedback suggests help for improvement, or constructive comments.

AT any rate, I refuse to follow politics because no little people have control over what happens. And what the media portrays isn't always accurate. I read as much about
Soleimani as I could withstand. To some he's a hero, to other's a victim. Isn't that always the way? A knee-jerk reaction on my part goes against anything Trump acts upon. And it's the same principle. Some people practically worship him, others, like me, avoid his histrionics. I'm against any act of violence, especially when targeted from a distance.

Also, what if someone doctored that particular picture? I found another picture of him on WIKI praying without prayer beads.

Why did you include the sentence in the middle, regarding Pholarchos Tarot? I googled that as well and found the items up for sale. I'm sure you had a reason, and my knowledge is lacking since I'm unfamiliar with the topic.

I do understand why that picture prompted your 24 syllable write, though. It's the reference to the Pholarchos Tarot that doesn't seem to have a place here that caused me to take the half-star.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
274
274
Review of Guilty  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi flyfihsercatcher. Nixie here, reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 


*BareTree3*

The first thing that caught my attention, even before reading the brief description, was the presentation of this write. Line spaces, even paragraphs, and natural paragraphs created a pleasing visual. (Other than indents. In current fiction, indents are no longer used.) The sentences were succinct and precise, no words wasted.

The mood was subdued and grim.

Had I come across this piece any other way, it would have been skipped over. The brief description didn't appeal to me. It's an accurate statement, however, so readers know what to expect.

What surprised me was how different this story felt than what I anticipated. The use of specific names lent itself to an air of authenticity. The people seemed real in my mind.

And what of the narrator? How tragic to have kindness repaid with accusations and vindictiveness. The reader doesn't know why the people the 'witch' helped turned against her. What made her able to see past the crowd's physical bodies? Was that a clue as to why she might have been a witch? I think she's a gifted individual with an evolved mind and uses more than even her 6th sense to observe the world.

I liked how the story portrayed both the political system and the 'judicial', all in one narration. They played well against each other.

*Questionp* Why is [witchcraft] capitalized in the first sentence, but not in any others?

It puzzles me sometimes, why police officers are willing to put their lives on the line for so little recognition and so much danger. In contrast, I wonder what kind of person can carry out an execution. I agreed with how this character was defined. It makes sense that he's empty inside, but the next part almost negated the first. If he's empty, then why would he recognize himself as someone who could do what no others wanted to? That's a poorly phrased question on my part. And anything clearer is beyond my grasp in this moment. A matter of semantics, perhaps?

The 'witch's' last observation was most ironic. Of course she could have destroyed them all. I wonder why that never came to mind before?

Are you submitting this to a contest? If you find one that fits your story, enter it.
Here's one place to begin the hunt.

"Contest Central Station" 

Keep writing!

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Overwatch Guardian



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
275
275
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Holly! Nixie here,
dropping off a review from
A beautiful Simply Positive Reviewing Signature


Okay, this is a cute kid's story wrapped in a poem. Unique too! The rhymes are uncomplicated and easy for a child to understand. If there's any confusion, how much fun would it be to teach children about dinos? Priceless. Hey, I'm a grown-up and appreciated the humour.

Tech: I like how all the lines are balanced and even. It makes a clean presentation.
It's so silly, but I keep thinking dinosaur-er to make the match perfect. *Laugh*

Some authors center their poems so they not scrunched to the left. At least I think that's why they're centering them *Laugh* For what it's worth, I center mine, but only after seeing members writing poetry. (I'm no poet.) Some poets do not capitalize the first word of every line. Especially is it's a continuing sentence. As is my way, poet's discretion, of course. I didn't understand why 'eat' in the fifth line was capitalized.

For easier reading, I suggest breaking this up into some separate stanzas, if that appeals to you.

Extensive extension to include so many types for animals. Otherwise, the poem would probably be tedious.

I fell for the entire poem Ha-ha on the last line. *Smile* At least humans would not be considered food! I wonder what green stuff they offer for Vegans? Hopefully not leaves.

It stretches the imagination to draw a vision in they're head picturing any of these critters with the dexterity to cook, but it's a fun concept to entertain. It's something my grandsons like to do with their stretchy plastic lizards and frogs.

All in all, the poet delivers exactly what was expected. Nicely done.

~Nixie












*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,302 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 53 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11