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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
Review Requests: OFF
2,989 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Moarzjasac

I'm reviewing for this event. Random review dropped me in your port. *Smile*
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!



Cry me a river if your story hadn't made my eyes water. I have emotions running wild with memories and kudos for writing this.

What a poignant and inevitable conclusion. And the kindness left behind in the note? Beautiful. I've had a few similar experiences. People who appear in our lives and then disappear. Those are the encounters I don't forget. But none compare to the plot I read.

Some of my emotions stemmed from my brother's 30 year trucking experiences. Never 'over the road' but his route did take him to a neighboring state. He had a reputation for the 'guy who got things done'. Something got messed up, they always called my brother. The stories he tells fascinate me. And he's had a few blown tires himself.

In Florida, we have I4 that runs east to west. Most annoying when you first move here. Anyway, when trucks jackknife, it often covers six lanes on each side. People used to have "I'm an I4 prisoner" bumper stickers. Sometimes, a person might wait 2-4 hours.

What wonderful descriptions of emotions, sights, and smells. The coffee, the pie...

You buried me in your dream world, and I didn't want to leave. I even feel sad now, knowing the review is about to end.

For what it's worth, years later. At least you know I gave your story lots of attention and careful reading.

"Well what is here," the driver asked?

"Well what is here?" the driver asked.

The a young man
Strike out [a]

An excellent write that made me feel as if I had the same experiences. A full immersion. Read this one, reviewers.



Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




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152
152
Review of MOM  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Hi Renee Welcome to WdC

Please join the party!


Your story is a wonderful tribute to your mom, but it's difficult to make sense of in certain places. I read your bio (good job). In the beginning, you said you were six, and then said you started writing at sixteen. I checked to see if English were your second language.

I'm embarrassed to say my knowledge of Cerebral Palsy goes as far as 'having heard the term'. I researched a bit, and discovered its a disease that effects muscle coordination. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I cannot imagine any mom raising children, working, active in a church, going to college, and being a friend to everyone. She sounds like super-mom!

So, as I mentioned before, the mistakes here are distracting and I don't know how to help. If I listed and showed corrections, I fear you'd be discouraged. We support our newbies as best we can. Should you want help, please email and I'll respond.

If your illness has incapacitated your brain, I apologize for any misunderstanding. I'm merely sending kindness and hopefulness that you'll find WdC to be a second home, as so many of us do. How much you're involved, is your choice. Pop in whenever, plenty of members will always be here. If this tribute is all you wanted to accomplish, then that's more than enough.

The world goes 'round and 'round. Often, children end up taking care of elderly parents or relatives. You're a brave woman, Renee, raised by a mom most people only dream of. *Heart*

Here's a place where some new members introduce themselves. *Wink*


"Noticing Newbies

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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153
153
Review of Hanging in There  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hi Jeff. We meet again. Welcome to the party.


I chose to review this simply for the pleasure of finding the unique words you tuck into your lines. The title brought the image of someone dangling from a branch about to snap. What I found meant far more to me.

I was with my family in the Adirondack mountains (NYS) with brand new hiking boots. The mountains are not super-high, just enough for travelers from NYC to visit and attempt the climbs. All with our little group was going well, other than me slowing and stopping to collect rocks or stick my fingers in holes. (What an idiot)

My boots came with a guarantee, safe and steady to climb any mountain. Above me stood my two brothers, perfectly balanced on a sheer vertical slice of mountain. I was stuck below with a friend. I won't say how we managed to climb.

With your character wearing cleats, this was an entirely different climb. I wondered about cleats for climbing, so I googled it and found Crampons Ice cleats. No metal spike to help. Wow. Okay, Nixie, appreciate the form: Trolaan. Stop worrying about cleats and spikes.

Simply reading how to create this poem rattled my brain. That's why I don't write poetry. I did notice the consistent punctuation, yay for me. *RollEyes* How you managed to show such a harrowing climb given the restraints, I'll never figure out. Have you mountain-climbed?

Also, there's a mountain where a violent snow storm descends, with no warning. Several climbers have died there. That was the picture set in my head when I read the last line. All the other lines and stanzas slowly built the tension, while showing the perils of this brave character. In the end, my wish is that he finds the top safely. He should have been climbing with a buddy. (obviously not appropriate for this poem) I'm defenseless against my imagination dreaming up more details. What a drag on this work to show anything other than written here.

Sr. mods are seamed into the stream of stories and poems not so easy to find reviewing on random. That's my explanation for landing in your port again.

Thanks for another great read.



Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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154
154
Review of The Partyfolk  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Sonali! Welcome to the party.


I landed here again via random review. Nice piece of Flash here. Characters, setting, conflict, resolution with a twist. Like the fantasy folk, you wove magic into your words.

Other than landing here randomly, the lilac font drew my eye, and I wanted to see what was happening here. What a wonderful idea that carried the messagesomething here is different.

Generous spacing, except for some missed spacing in between sentences made this an easy read. The set-up with the cake and *Spider* ground me to a halt. (in a good way.) Silly me, I tried to picture how a spider might be wrapped, and how a cake could taste like soap. The spider alone would have been justification enough for me to shut down all festivities. Although that's incredibly self-centered, as royalty and some presidents tend to be. Someday we'll find a kind and compassionate leader who cares enough about the people to govern with dignity. If only humans had a way to 'celebrate' (go on living as if there were a good leader) the world would be a better place.

I believe in trees able to carry and send messages. I'm not sure what that says about me. *Confused* No tree is left without a quick stroke when my path carries me toward them. It's my way of thanking them for their contribution to the planet and for admiration of their beauty. I'd best stop now, lest some readers arrange to have me committed for insanity. *Laugh*

What a lovely party scene you created. I felt the festivity and joy. Because the read was so soft and precious, I knew that chef would keep the secret. She needs to be the ruler. I didn't expect the spice part, though. Nice tie-in with her job.

Oh, that was some title you made up for the world where this took place. I didn't see it the first time around. Once I caught on, I smiled.

Thanks for the read!!


Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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155
155
Review of build something  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi there. Welcome to the party.


I have learned the same thing. If one goes in search of something with the feeling of 'need' inside them it will only bring more need. With a strengthened brain and practice, we create our own reality. Of course that's not always true. Or sometimes we don't recognize what we have because we expected it to come in a certain form. Abstract example. If we're thinking of a square box wrapped in pink paper and a blue circular box shows up, we won't 'see' what's been brought into our life.

I liked the way you formatted the poetry, the staggered lines, the [i] not capitalized, the large font and generous spacing. This 'open' look invites readers in like an innocent child. Hmm. Take a quick look. Nothing to see here. Another reader (like me) hones in on the words and takes the time to absorb the thoughts. In my case, there was nothing to absorb, since the same thoughts run in my brain. I've learned to be careful with what I'm thinking. I remind myself, 'I accept only light and love' which guards us from picking up negativity that might be floating around, seeking an easy mark.

This is especially true for me when I meditate. I'm opening my mind to the cosmos, which can be dangerous if one is not properly prepared.

Have you considered capitalizing the title? Or is this the way you felt inside as you wrote? Understated, almost silent, something slipping past. If so, it works.

So you see, this isn't simply a message for yourself. You've accomplished what writers dream of. An audience that connects to the words. *Sun*

Keep on writing. You have wisdom and compassion to share. In your solitude, you've connected to the world.


Nixie *Bigsmile*

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#1300305 by Maryann





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156
156
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!

Hi Ben. Welcome to the party.


When I find poetry that captures my attention, my bravest attempts to write a review take over. My reaction to poetry is almost always skip. Poems have forms, and not appreciating the talent required to pen something that both fits the form feels wrong. So if please pardon me as my attention wasn't on form, rather on the overall effect, or mood. (I did hear the lyrical rhythm.)

I wondered who the narrator was? Who is the one talking to the [you]? lol Someone who knows mermaids? The author himself giving warning? Those questions distracted me, which seems ridiculous.

In an attempt to forget and move forward, here we go. The first stanza, with the word [breast] set the seductive mood. It was flashy, definitely visual, and added to the mystique of the legendary creatures.

As the stanzas progress, nothing is repeated. Each one has a different message, another warning, yet still the reader knows the inevitable conclusion. Except, maybe not.

Since I've never heard of mermaids killing with a knife, my mind switched itself around. The last stanza didn't match my take, yet still I persisted. I thought the poem would switch to a man on land ending up brokenhearted due to a human relationship with a woman. Better to take chances ashore, safe from the legend, but not from the pain.

What to do? I had to google to see if I was lacking in mermaid lore. And I was! One sister bites the carotid while the other sister seeks the love that comes from the heart. I wasn't sure if both sisters could find satisfaction in the same man.

What I've never understood is why people think an organ looks like a heart that represents the source of love. That's why I took delight in the dark ending. *Laugh* There! I reviewed a poem, holding hope you found no insults.

Nixie





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157
157
Review of The Stars  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Robin. Welcome to the party.


I enjoyed reading this lively adventure. Often, wonders are hidden behind innocuous or dull entrances. I don't know who gave Aticus the map, nor do I know why. The description of the inside made me as curious as Aticus, and I eagerly followed the plot. I'd like to have automatic night vision. (oops. I didn't know he was wearing a helmet. I think the reader needs to know that from the beginning.

I guess it's not necessary, and maybe too complicated to add to the plot, but I wondered where this was taking place, and what was the society like?

All those doors; I was acutely aware of Articus passing one after another, wondering if he would try to open one. He had the same concerns as I. The 'contents' of the doors he did open didn't belong in a sanctuary. Someone must have been hiding something, and the legend might have gone askew.

Ick. the sight made him puke in his helmet, and he had to continue wearing his helmet even after the mess inside. Double Ick.

Once he found the door with the panels he couldn't open, he did what anyone would do. Blast the darn thing to pieces. It felt like I was walking behind him, watching his moves and slightly apprehensive. Typical of an adventurer, he didn't hesitate to pry open the pillar. The fear factor multiplied by ten!

I wasn't completely in agreement with Articus when he started blasting the oozing creature. What if it was innocent? But once it attacked, violence naturally ensued. Excellent job describing the fight. I understood almost all the movements, other than the one I mentioned below.

Of course our hero won. And I was totally taken by surprise when the next thing happened. (no spoilers).

I do have questions. Was the creature the perpetrator of the guts scene? Was he part of an experiment that turned south so badly, he had to be imprisoned? Who imprisoned him? I speculated he might have been the pilot, but oh, how very wrong I was!

I can't get a clear visual from this sentence. what is [it] referring to?

The creature curled its legs between it and Articus and kicked him across the room.


A few pointers
It sounds normal to use [suddenly] when writing, but in fiction nothing happens suddenly. It just happens. [A noise pierced the air.]

Suddenly a noise pierced the air.

In the vein of thought, action is immediate.
he began to lower himself down.

[He lowered himself down.]

Avoid passive verbs that slow down the action.
and he would have been lost if he had not had his night vision

A quick example. His auto night vision lit the way. Or was the night vision in his helmet?

Articus overcame the obstacle in his path, which was the element that drove the plot. I'm left with questions, but the story progressed sensibly and logically. Perhaps the details I felt lacking may have made the read overly long.

The story needs editing, but overall a good write, especially considering you're a new member! Keep writing!

Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




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158
158
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!

Hi Crow. Welcome to the party. I'm sending a review as a thank you for reviewing one of my items.


Okay, well now that I have chills up and down my body, and not from the freezing temperatures outside. I need to know if this is fact or fiction. The main genre is cultural, which indicates truth. I guess in every story there is always some truth.

At any rate, I'm on board with you 100%. First, older people are smart and savvy. I wish our society revered 'elders' as is customary in other cultures. Of course the neighbor held the wisdom. It pleased me to see he had a chance to share his smarts.

On purpose, I don't read or look at any of the news. Especially not with the president we have in office. Our government is a mockery of what we once had. Humans mess up and do horrible things to innocent people. I can think of three true stories, at this moment, of children dying due to abuse or neglect. The worst one I remember is never repeated. Just having it in my mind is torture enough. (Not an abusive tragedy, though. Carelessness.)

Do you ever wonder if we're drawn to dark things? I know my eyes tend to wander toward negative titles. If I take this story to heart, that's the monster that lives in me. I don't remember fearing monsters under the bed, only the dark that was mentioned in the story. As a kid, this was me.

grab my hand, pulling me to the under darkness where more than dust bunnies live.

That is some seriously creepy cover art that I wish hadn't drawn my eye. Another nightmare vision to forget. *Laugh* *Facepalm*

The bold font was interesting. Too much in my face, but maybe easier for some to read. Any reason for the title to be all in capital letters? It's unusual, rarely seen in writing.

We do bring to our lives what we focus on. I had a friend so entrenched in helping people dying of Leukemia, she succumbed to the disease in her forties. That's one of the games in my mind, but it's not a fun game. Speculation and wonder, more like it.

So what happens when the monsters win? If this wasn't a personal write, you definitely crafted it to sound like reality. An introspective write that leaves me thinking. Never a good thing this time of night. Take care and don't let the monsters bite.

Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




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159
159
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!

Hi Redtowrite. Nixie, here. Welcome to the party.


I'm returning the favor. Review for review.

That title is an attention grabber. It speaks of the living and the dead. They seem like roses as they fade. The thorns pierce us once they're gone. We bleed, but go on.

This is a little difficult for me to review, due to similar circumstances with family members, not as a nurse, though. I'm a cancer survivor. My doctor caught the Ovarian Cancer while still held in both ovaries. I didn't need chemo. I'm not sure I would choose chemo. Yes, it prolongs life, but the treatment is sometimes more for the ones living who don't want to be left behind. Chemo is torturous.

In Pam's situation, she had a lot to live for. Battling cancer and chemo makes sense with so much to lose. Rather then focus on the illness, I'm switching to the relationship that developed in your words.

This reads so much like non-fiction, and the cover art looks like a photo. Yet, it's not marked non-fiction, leaving me with a puzzle. There were so many tender moments, the one I most cherished was the scene of the nurse helping Pam bring the tea cup back to the table in the nurse's lounge.

Lovely alliteration.
I watched a tired tear travel over her cheek

The words following this sentence confused me.
I had to strain to hear what she was saying.

I think letting the reader know Pam was a young woman with children would make more sense as the read progressed. I wasn't sure who was saying what about whom. It's your story, so this is clear in your mind. I can't see your dream world.

Another confusing paragraph following continuing from this sentence.
It was a year ago when I first met her. They were flying

Who is [they]? At times the POV seems to shift. A bit of reordering, or simplifying without so many details might bring the tragedy closer to the reader. What's important in this piece is the relationship between hospital staff and patient. Trying to fit all the pieces in one story confuses. I've done it more than once.

The most endearing sentence *Heart* A clear and tender visual. Precious as porcelain.

Her head was framed by tufts of blonde hair.

I'm not sad saying goodbye to the story and author. I felt part of the scene, more as an observer to the action rather than immersed in the plot. I would want someone to tell me if that were the case. My joy, and as expressed in your bio, is to touch the reader in some way. I bet you can pare this down to the horrible beauty that's transpiring here.


Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




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160
160
Review of Interpretation  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi trailerpark!
Welcome to the party! I'm preparing an Easy Indian yellow fish curry

Before I delve in to your flash, I have to point out one error. In the beginning, she's seeing a therapist. On TV, it's a psychiatrist being arrested. A therapist can't prescribe meds, they're not M.D.s If you change the opening line to psychiatrist, you'll be good to go. I would mention the psych's name in the beginning.

What was Emily being treated for? Any M.D. can prescribe sleep meds, if there's no underlying, chronic disorder.

I thought the reason he was arrested was a little bizarre. Nothing indicated he had a motive to do so. I really did see a psychiatrist being arrested on TV. He was accused of taking advantage of a multi-person patient. He lost his license, and it was all a sham. She'd pulled the same trick before.

Since the psych 'skimmed' over her body during her visit, the real life scenario above, shameful as it was, fits better. That's why I mentioned it.

And another question. What about that bizarre situation made Emily decide she wanted to be a psychiatrist? She isn't interested in breaking and entering, is she?

I did figure out one important clue. She'd been dreaming about her psych.

I feel lost here, and I'm sorry. Flash is incredibly difficult to write, trying to get in enough details without going over the 300 w/c limitation.

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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161
161
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi Redboots. Welcome to WdC *Balloonr*

Please join the party! I'm preparing a entree Lebanese - Spiced Almond Fish with Fattoush

This is how I dream of beginning my story. With a specific character in mind, conflicts in place, resolution, setting, obstacles, goal and more. I missed the antagonist, I think. If her struggle is only with herself, she'll need an outside struggle as well.

The big red thumb I saw in your detailed sketch was a lack of introduction for Halley. I think you forgot to mention her birth. I'm squinting to read all the sentences smushed together, but I can't find any reference to her until her father tries to influence her.

You may have a struggle with working in so many characters, depending on what you're writing. A book, or short story? I'm guess novel or novelette because of all the details. I struggled to understand all the character references, which is no big deal since you wrote this for yourself. *Smile*

Good grief, she dressed hideously! I like the pink hair, though. Halley has already moved away from her father. How is he still influencing her? Or is she still rebelling? She'll have to get over that if she wants to move forward as her own person.

Best of luck in your adventures. Keep writing!

Want to meet some other new members?

"Noticing Newbies

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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162
162
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi, Kieran. Nixie, here. Welcome to WdC! *Balloonr*

Welcome to the party! I'm preparing an entree. Lebanese - Spiced Almond Fish with Fattoush. The party is a fun challenge for members who want to review others. You're lucky enough to be an ingredient in my dinner. *Laugh*

You have the beginnings of a precious story here. The set-up of how the two women met was hilarious. Excellent job showing what was happening. A duck was floating away with the bag? *Laugh* And both ended up in the pond. What a lively story that was a fun read.

Take care in varying your sentence structures. Since we already know the girls' names, you don't have to start so many sentences with 'the young brunette'. Scan your eyes down the page, and you'll see what I'm referencing. Then, make sure you don't start all your sentences with their names. *Wink*

We learn as we write, so don't stop. I can tell already you have a good writer's voice and clever ideas in your head. Share them with the community. We take good care of our 'newbies'.

Ask questions, poke around, have fun. Questions? Any member would be happy to assist.

I just took a peek to see if you filled out your bio.

You've traveled here from Scotland? Wow. And you're already writing. I'm impressed.
So English is not your first language? How long have you been studying. Now I understand where you're writing is coming from.

Here's a forum to visit, if you want to.

"Noticing Newbies

*Bigsmile*

Signature by Brooke


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#1300305 by Maryann





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163
163
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi NorahMae. Stopping by again.

This is the second time I've visited your portfolio. Today, I'm preparing a Lebanese Entree- Spiced Almond Fish with Fattoush

Wow, you definitely know how to express your feelings. Each stanza varies, showing different levels of reasons for concern. It's an awful feeling when a person thinks something has changed, but it's just a feeling, and they fall on us like rain. It's what we do with those feelings that determines an outcome.


Normally, I like to see poems balanced. Lines around the same length, stanzas the same. This poem appealed to me because it seems wild, like your desperation. And each stanza had one super-long line at the end. The specific pattern you were trying to achieve worked. *Smile*

The first moment when I came undone was reading the title. The emotion is so familiar to me (for different reasons) I don't want anyone else to feel this way. That's a lot of feelings. Your poetry is tragic, but easy to follow and understand. The endless questions plaguing you can only be resolved in one way. And, in the last stanza, the realization you knew from the beginning was finalized. All you need is the courage to ask. It's kind of like letting (and this is a much lower level of anxiety, but does demonstrate my point) tasks, rather than emotions pile up until one is overwhelmed. The person is aware the only release comes from conquering those tasks, but is wont to do them.

You have written about this so much; I checked your portfolio, it's time to let it go, one way or another. Why don't you fill out your bio so we know a bit about you?

Keep writing those poems, and one surely will bring an outcome. You'll only have to deal with whatever happens. Your hope, or your fear. Hang tight.

~Nixie *Heartv*

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#1300305 by Maryann





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164
164
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Hi Seuzz

Welcome to the party! I'm preparing a Japanese Appetizer - Tuna and Sesame Rice Balls


Random reviewing dropped me here, which worked perfectly for me today. I enslaved your words to double-check the components of the short story I'm trying to write. I was able to answer all the questions affirmatively. My plot is a bit more complicated, which is my downfall. We really need two types of conflicts. The protagonist's inner turmoil and an external conflict.

The who wants what and why keeps changing as the story progresses. They way they intend to get it varies, but the simplest way, is what the protagonist fears. Killing him. Both parties are thwarted. The assassin keeps his prey safe while shifting circumstances keep changing the outcome. What quashes the plan? [quashes-good word]
The assassin changes his mind, thwarting everyone's plan, answering only to himself. Too bad he thought he was in love with his target. *Pthb* In 2000 words or less.

Scenes of reaction
The rival companies end up taking each other out. No recourse. They were always sort of a non-issue. The spy is the character with the twist, and he just moves on to his next assignment. To achieve the goal? He enlists a dark-op friend who's supposed to work for the president, but sometimes works off book.

To achieve their goal takes a lot of money, and the spy demands and receives 10 Mil.
Achievement would be a sequel. First thing would be meeting up with friend and devising a plan. Upon accomplishment, our spy can retire.

Thanks to all these questions, I think the plot is nailed down. I'm a little weak on AIDA though. I reach more of an nullity, though not term specific. The story is resting right now. I can refer back to your article when I make the next edit. Unless the last one is done!

I appreciate what you've written here, and again, thanks for the help!


Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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165
165
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Dawn.
Welcome to the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie.


No way. That's what I said when I read the last line. Most times, I read the last line of a poem or short story first. It clues me in as to whether I'll like the topic or the author's voice.

*Snow4*
Can I just cry? I feel like some kind of crazy person, trying to explain to no one who listens why time doesn't exist. Everyone thinks I'm nuts. The thing is, in the present moment, we're already in the past. We have another thought and we're in the future. What I've taken as my own philosophy, is that space is moving, not us. Theoretical physics, although I think space moving has been proved. I missed my calling. If only this mind belonging to me now, had heard the other mind talking to me years and years ago. I would have studied in that field.

Sorry for the aside, but your work brought all of that out of me. As I read, my eyes actually picked up the pattern of the words, an astounding accomplishment for me.

I'm exhausted from frustration that many cling to Einstein, when we really don't understand anything. And why did the world choose Einstein over Carl Jung? Jung understood on an esoteric level that spoke to me. I've read most of his published work. What if we're wrong about the concept of gravity? Oh, I have to stop now, since I'm reviewing, not pontificating.

Wonderful job writing this. In the end, I'm hoping the message was clear to me. I'd be mortified if the point was opposite the argument I proposed, as if in agreement with what I read.


Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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166
166
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Snow *Smile*
Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie


*Snow2*
I've decided the only way I'll learn to write poetry (fingers crossed) is by reading it. Usually, the different forms escape me, or the verses are obtuse and confound me. It's a pleasure to pop over via random review and find a treasure like yours.

*Snow3*
The explanation of a Harrisham rhyme actually made sense, though I wondered about the challenge. And I didn't read the explanation until after I'd read the poem. I easily related, most likely due to the 'grey hair' reference. The joys of aging. The other day I learned eyelashes turn grey and fall out. Eyelashes, what an indignity.

*Snow3*
The solemn mood of this poem took me for a sweet ride through the words. I paused for a while and thought about that last line. What a unique way of expressing a feeling I didn't know was inside me.

*Sun*
In the Desiderata, one of the verses goes like this:
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth

I think of that most every day, but I still am not inclined to surrender. Not to sound vain, but I appear much younger than I am. The years ahead as that boon fades, I'll be sad.

*Snow4*
Excellent job with the concise wording (a skill I'll probably never acquire) and following the structure of the poem. I enjoyed the poem for what it was, forming into it into a mold made it that much more impressive. Thanks for the read. *Smile*

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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167
167
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi Tina! Welcome to WdC

Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie.

*Checkg* Catchy title because it's a truism, and the brief description charmed me. The crazy new lady could have been anybody.

I wasn't sure what kind of facility this was, other than clients needed help, and many were recalcitrant. The narrator had no name, other than crazy lady, so that's how I'll talk about her. Her compassion was endearing. I would have taken the exact same approach. And, if I were either of those two clients, I'd be stubborn and insulted.

I understand the demands of staff to efficiently carry out their duties, but the time limit might strain them. When you're dependent on someone, both sides get frustrated. The client expects the caregiver to understand all, and the caregiver expects cooperation from the client.

In a former life, I always put trouble makers in charge of something. Or asked them to assist me at my desk. It was amazing to see how their attitudes changed. But then I had to make sure the other kids didn't resent the special treatment. *Pthb* Like the narrator, the difficult ones were the most satisfying to me, in any situation. I especially like kids.

And yes, flicking on lights and announcing time to get up is fairly standard. Some facilities don't care, though. Others sneak in at 4 a.m. for a blood pressure check and blood withdrawal. Forget sleeping for the clients.

I did have a question. (I always do.) Why were the clients put into clothes only to be escorted to the bathroom for a shower? They put clean clothes on dirty bodies, take them off for a shower, and redress? That confused me.

In fiction, full caps are rarely seen. Strong emotions are demonstrated physically. For example, someone frustrated might throw their hands up in the air. Or bury their face in their hands...just a few examples.

This read like a personal item, but I forgot to check until this moment. Bravo and hand-clapping for you being a gift to these clients. Their lives have been changed for the better because of you. *Heartv*

Ha-ha for the seasoned professionals doubting your capability.

Here's a place to meander around.

"Noticing Newbies

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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168
168
Review of Never Look Up  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi Paul. Nixie, here.

Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie


I landed here by clicking through several items, using random review. I stopped when I found yours. Why? The open spacing appealed to me. It's much easier to read, and the story itself flows better. It 'feels' as if something momentous is building.

The title was catchy, the brief description works. It's all good, until the big uh-oh. We have two guys walking (excellent catchy first sentence!) and it sounds mysterious and exciting. But nothing happens.

*Person*
They walk down the street, talking about what will probably be a chancy robbery, with conflict and trouble. It would be more fun to read about that. Dialogue can be sprinkled in along the way. You have a way writing dialogue, that's a strong technique when writing fiction. There's a slight conflict, maybe? The chance they'll be caught? Or is the whole point of the story demonstrating why they can't be seen. It's funny and quirky if that's what you were going for. A bit disappointing.

*Checkg*
I liked the part where they discuss chaos theory. That's more or less part of my overall life theme.

*Idea*
So maybe it boils down to my perception. If you're happy with what you've accomplished. then you're good to go.
*Bigsmile*

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann









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169
169
Review of The Promise  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Jacky.

Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert England Banoffe Pie

I saw your story here "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge and simply had to review it. Clever is as clever does, and the opening line hooked me, despite the 'meaningless' generic title and no brief description. Good job!

What a wonderful way to begin a story. Immediately, the mind perks up. 'Oh, this could be fun'. And the mystery was afoot.

Daniel was a delightful character, mischievous, obviously having been in trouble before for similar transgressions. But I still had no idea what was happening. Excellent job showing us the bedroom. The comment about the mustard amused me the most. Daniel's funny and cryptic. I enjoyed being inside his mind. He cared so much for his mom's feelings, I wonder if my kids ever felt that way? *Laugh* What could he possibly have to protect her from?

The mystery continued, right up until the last few lines. It's a good thing the (not giving away the last zing) characters didn't have a sense of time. They'll have to wait years, although Daniel's sincerity rings true. Maybe time moves differently for those characters.

Fantasy is fun to play around with, but the final characters here, along with the usual companions do not interest me. This is the first story I've read where they're not revealed until the end, and therefore, not the stars. The story showed us two sides of Daniel, and both were precious to me. *Heartv*

Excellent write for the contest!

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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170
170
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Hi Maryann!
Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from China -Dragon Beard Candy.

Oh, Maryann. What to do with you? I can't review poems. I know that's want you want from reviewers. But you're stuck with me.

I understand why you had to emphasize fiction and pick an era where you couldn't possibly have lived. The story is so personalized, it reads like this is really your mom. Cute little emoticon clocks at the top, too. Precious.

Of course, the picture tells the truth. I just wanted you to know how Powerful *Laugh* your writing is.

When the daughter is talking about how normal her mom is at home, while others are blown away by her celebrity status, I remembered something I heard a while ago. Whatever year it was, Harrison Ford was chosen as America's most sexy guy. His wife's comment? Paraphrased: Really? He's just the guy who takes out the trash at home.

I smiled at the reference to Chanel. My mom always wore Chanel #5. It was her. I never told her how much I hated it. It smelled like old women. *Laugh*

Excellent job showing the technology (or lack thereof) in the 20's. It maked perfect sense that people wanted to copy a celebrity. I'm thinking of Jackie Kennedy at the moment and her pill-box hats. Those Kennedy's were royals to Americans.

When her mom was tied to the railroad tracks, I remembered that song from when I was a kid. The phrase that sticks is he tied her to railroad tracks/and then along came Jones. We sang that all the time.

And then the complete switch in the last paragraph took me completely by surprise, same as the daughter. Great job showing two sides of a character in one story. Thanks for the read, Maryann. *Heartv*

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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171
171
Review of Goodbye  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Norman. Nixie here.
Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from China -Dragon Beard Candy.

From the top
All the way through rhythmic stanzas, I kept saying to myself, I wish my ex(s) boyfriends and 2 husbands felt that way toward me. I always wished them the best and hope they'd moved on and found happiness. What's the point of making someone miserable? Apparently, well-wishing wasn't enough, because I'm fairly certain they all hate me. Mostly because I wanted to go and they wanted me to stay.

Laugh it up, but not so much for me.
Than I read the hilarious last stanza. I wasn't that vindictive when I divorced the first time, after 14 years, but that was a long time ago. I stopped on my way home from work and took my name off the credit card. No such thing can be done now. They were all his charges, anyway. Even though he agreed not to charge anything else. He took revenge by destroying everything in the garage. He had this wicked knife and punctured cans of chemicals and sliced all the hoses. Oh, there was much more, but I shy from the past, for obvious reasons. *Laugh*

Emotions evoked
So. I partly agreed with the narrator. In my mind, it's a guy. He confesses, admits why he wasn't right for her, although that must have stung. It wasn't an act of courage, as I suspected. It was pettiness and bitterness.

Time to go
The end was humorous, and familiar, that's why I told that brief story for you. I liked the way you spaced the stanzas and used a larger font. Maybe it only bothers me when authors don't do that, but I'm relieved when a poem/prose like yours pops up.

Thanks for the read. Right now, I'm smiling. And that is a compliment for you. *Smile*

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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172
172
Review of A Study in Grey  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


He Madeleine. Welcome to WdC

Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from China -Dragon Beard Candy.

If you were going for dark and gruesome, you achieved it. For a genre, you might want to choose dark/horror, because the genre crime is also gangster. We must have different definitions of prose, because this reads like a short story.

It's also a good idea, though not necessary, to put a link to the contest you entered at the bottom of the story. Be sure the rules don't require a posted word count after the story. It's possible any item could be disqualified for that reason. Some hosts are more lenient than others. Best to follow the rules right from the beginning so it becomes a habit. *Wink*

Creepy cover art and the title sends the reader a message. Beware. And if there's any uncertainty, the brief description is excellent as an introduction to the story. Why does she only see in grey? A metaphor for not seeing black and white? A metaphor for her world is bleak?

Just to let you know, I might have passed this by because there's no spacing or paragraphing. All the words are jumbled together in a block of text. Readers like to see 'white space' (paragraphing) because many are impatient and white space makes the story appear easier to read. And it does. *Wink*

You have it all down. Sturdy plot, creepy narrator, motive, opportunity, conflict (inner) and the external conflict (getting caught).

The mom was my favorite character, even dead, because of all the diets Ruby mentioned when she was moving the body. Great visual showing her trying to lug the dad over to the van.

The setting moved from the brief description of the house (just enough to show the reader, but not too much to bog it down). Nice going changing the setting as the plot progressed. I did wonder if you meant to say smooth leather (couch) in the first sentence. Or do you want the reader to deduce the meaning? I was trying to think of what else was leather, other than furniture, so maybe defining it wasn't necessary. Just saying.

Remember to use actions, not exclamation marks of full caps to show emotion. The two instances of "NO!" would be fine as "No!"

I can't put my finger on what made the conclusion less dramatic than I expected. It could be the exclamation marks that distracted. Action definitely would have a greater impact. I'll leave that up to you, as it should be. But trust me on the punctuation. *Wink*

I enjoyed the write,though I usually skip over stories like this. There's enough dark in the world. Rather than pushing the gruesome, you left it simple and short. Maybe that's why I read it. Keep writing!

You might want to stop here and meet other new members.

"Noticing Newbies

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann







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173
173
Review of My Old House  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi! I found your story using the read and review option. Welcome to WdC!

Overall Impression
Wow! What a fantastic story! The concept of time travel is widely explored, but I liked the way you wrote it. Not just a single person chancing a blunder, but entire buildings moved into the future.

Diving in
Here's the problem. Isn't there always a problem? *Laugh* The story desperately needs paragraphing. Every time the dialogue switches to a new character, start a new paragraph. It sounds like some great dialogue is going on, but I can't separate who is saying what and when. Lots of ellipsis in here, a bit overdone, but that's okay. As long as you start a new paragraph.

The 'Prof comes in without introduction. How do the characters, who have never met him, know him as the Prof?

Also, you're using an abundance of [ly] words, which generally means the verb is weak and has to be propped up. Also, adverbs do not work as dialogue tags. I don't re-write an author's words, but here's an example, in your first sentence of adverbs propping up weak verbs.
They go inside quickly and shut the door quietly.
Consider: They dart inside and ease the door closed.
That's less words and a stronger image is created. More direct.

Authors show emotions with actions, not punctuation.
Thirty something??"
Can someone be scratching their head, or looking at the ceiling for answers? What would a person look like while pondering this question?

This is one example of using an adverb as a dialogue tab.
Sorry, we'll let you get on." Ann shyly adds.
What would Ann look like if she were shy? Peeking out from behind someone? Whispering? Would she be astonished by speaking out of turn and blushing?

A whole lot of confusion would vanish if the reader could simply tell who is talking by paragraphing. That would be step one, for a suggestion. I 'see' how you're trying to explain traveling into the future, but it's too spaced out and confusing.

Closing comments
I am not trying to tear your story apart. That would be a waste. Especially when the reader finds out who Ann is. Stroke of genius. I wonder if she's supposed to forget when she takes them back to 2020.

I hope you consider working on this story again. It's wonderful, if only it were edited. That's the necessary, but not fun part. *Facepalm*




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174
174
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Rhyssa. Nixie here,
dropping off a review from
A beautiful Simply Positive Reviewing Signature


*Fire*
I read this first without paying attention to the title and brief description. That means I jumped in the deep end and read through swiftly. Of course, I went back and took my time. But at first read, I thought you were talking about a romantic situation, partly because I read something into it that wasn't there and partly because of the first 5 lines sounded like a romantic relationship. Weird anticipating something, on my part. I guess it could be argued, for the fun of it, that the author and the publisher have a relationship, and the publisher has the power to clobber the writer, anonymously, as it were.

*Fire*
Each stanza, beginning with the title was extremely effective in establishing fluidity and continuity. I would have like that last stanzas broken up to match the lines of the first three. (maybe after 'toe peeping out') and maybe again after (tactical baton). It's not my place to say, because I'm not the author, and I'd have to play around with the order to find what 'felt' right.

*Fire*
In some lines, there's hope and strength, followed by the cold reasoning that the result is not in the author's control. Chocolate helps everything, with its natural boost of Serotonin.

A reader can't help but notice all the words in green font. If you managed to compose this with all those as prompt words, well, I'm knocked right off my chair.

*Fire*
If I read this correctly, the author is staying up all night with the alarm clock sending him off to sleep rather than waking him. I've read it 4 times, so if I'm wrong, please accept apologies.

The metaphors are beautiful and vivid. Especially 'castles out of nothing'. And the teddy bear is armed to keep the rejection notes from hurting. Clever.

2014 seems like yesterday, but I'm guessing a whole lot has changed since then. Bravo for having the courage to submit to editors. I have trouble submitting my work for contests. *Facepalm*

~Nixie











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175
for entry "Be Mine
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Amy
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm just finishing up with a French Creme Brulee.

Well, I guess taking pictures is one way to demonstrate show vs. tell. Clever. I didn't think too much about the beginning because these types of book entries don't have the option for genre or a brief description. Welcome to dangling out on a limb, reader. *Laugh* *BareTree2*


It doesn't really matter, but both Jeffery's and Gina's legs had the same term [distance] in the first sentence. That's why so much of my focus fell there. It's difficult to look past something that all the rules say no, you can't do that.

I managed to move on. Dramatic much, Nix? I feel like the song Me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going on...*Music2* Jeffery's hung up on Gina, and as evidenced in the first paragraph, he feels close enough, emotionally, to her that he thinks of her first name. As the plot progresses, he uses only her formal last name. Hmm. I wondered what that meant.

He's jittery around her, jumping when the camera clicks. After all those photos he's taken, I'd think he'd be a little calmer. Of course, there goes the story running down the hill. Best he jumps.

It's so frustrating for me when reader's ask questions like the one I'm going to ask you. Doesn't Gina recognize him after all the photos he's taken? Or does she see him as her inferior, beneath her notice?

Once in Jeffery's bedroom, I felt the big uh-oh coming on. A wall filled with pictures usually demonstrates a stalker or killer. The reader can't be entirely assured he's not a violent person. Perhaps deluded? Maybe he should feel surrounded by her already, with all those pictures. She's practically with him, in that manner.
But the way Jeffery says "She would be so happy on that day." all the red flags went up again. I think he's a bad boy with nefarious deeds in mind. Be Mine, indeed.

Cool write, Amy

~Nixie


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