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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Review Requests: OFF
2,989 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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226
226
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Blue Jay! I'm reviewing your work for
"I Write in 2020" 



Ah, the fabulous 24 syllable contest, which challenges the reviewer.
I liked the title and the cover art. Nicely done!

This is simply too sad because it's so true. Going to war, especially since WW2 is noted as bravery and dedication to country.

Peace is too quiet and subtle, though it's not sneaking around. No one is listening to the soft song, and so it goes unnoticed. Adding the word [rarely] worked because there are exceptions to the rule. Good job!

The punctuation guides the reader so we appreciate the author's fine work to complete this difficult task.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
227
227
Review of The Proposal  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Norman.
Nixie here, dropping off a review from "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 


First impression
At first glance, all I saw was perfection. Maybe the title was a little weak, but the brief description sounded so funny, I was hooked. Excellent job creating an effective hook.

Reading on
Second glance, I saw the length of the poem and puzzled over why so many stanzas were required. The idea of something unique sounded like an adventure. The presentation was aesthetically pleasing. The bold font brought bravado and confidence to the words. The font size itself pleased me. I didn't have to squint.

Diving in
Now I was ready to throw myself into the deep end. The first stanza was the set up, which trailed to the second, to the third sentence and last with an easy flow and compelling temptation to read more. The lack of punctuation also added to the pleasant rhythm.

The plot thickens
I admired the character for his strength and integrity. He wrote out the proposal long hand! I'm not sure that's possible for me, which is scary. The simple rhymes continued, leading the reader further and further to see how the scenario played out.

Then the huge mistake, and surely that meant the end of everything. My heart went out to the man. The description of what happened to the intended fiancee was easily pictured in my mind. I'll admit to laughing at her plight.

But she's a woman of fortitude and shows some pluck. I think the couple will have a wonderful and balanced marriage.

Turn me around
The twist toward the end was totally unexpected. It struck me as odd that the guy didn't bring a real ring. Maybe he was super smart and correctly worried the valuable ring might meet with disaster.

Personal connection.
When my son went down on one knee in a restaurant to propose, his intended kept saying 'what are you doing on the floor? stand up. you look ridiculous.' *Laugh*

Lasting impression
Top off the poem with (I won't mention the spoiler) and the I knew I was right. This couple belonged together for however long forever lasts.

~Nixie

Make every day simply positive!

Beautiful Woman Simply Positive Signature.


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228
228
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi, Trisho. Nixie here, bringing you a review through random review option. You have the honor of being one of the ingredients in the activity above. *Laugh*

What a powerful piece you've penned. You must have been an author before joining WdC because your work is impressive.

The title caught my eye, and most definitely, the image. In the title, you might want to de-capitalize the [To] What a funny way to express myself. It sounds like the idiotic phrase, 'time to 'deplane'. *Laugh*

Back to the emotional, difficult part that I'm avoiding.

The personal take and the gentle care of the child was touching. I almost had to stop reading this because it rings too true. And there are too many things I don't want to bring to mind again. It's frightening and, for me, it doesn't help. Okay, well, sometimes. But often after thinking about what happened to people like us the darkness rushes back in, and the battle ensues all over again. You express my feelings in this sentence.

Stop procrastinating, finish your memoir. I know that you are afraid to relive the trauma.

*Notebl* You don't need the word [that] in your sentence.

If you saw your little girl sitting in a dark corner, I saw mine pressed against the far wall of a dark cave. It takes strength and courage to confront what's happened to a person and try to rebuild the image.

Absolute excellence in writing to yourself with compassion. I've fallen out of practice, and returned to trying to guilt myself to do the right thing. Because that works so well. *RollEyes* You've reminded me of the attitude necessary to keep the doors shut. I like to think of cleaning out closets in my mind and then sweeping all the debris out. I've developed an army of coping skills.

Some of the spacing between sentences was off. Maybe you composed this using another writing platform, and in the copying process pieces fell out of place. It's not a big deal, but it's a shame not to have this work be perfect.

The word choices added impact to my impression of your work. This isn't something you dashed off without thought. (except I see no editing dates) If this came off the top of your head, you are going places with your abilities.

And that's where I'm ending this review because the ghosts are hovering. I will keep them out of my mind, and listen to your last line. "You got this." (Do you want a period after [this]?)

Parting comment. You can look here for information and perhaps make some new friends.
"Noticing Newbies" 

Leaving you in peace,
~Nixie


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229
229
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi, Kieran. Nixie here, dropping off a review for the item listed above. (You click the image and it will take you to the activity.)

From the top, I would capitalize all the first letters in the title. The brief description was cute and sounded compelling. It was clear from the beginning what would happen, but I went along for the ride.

Not to be negative, or discouraging, I won't make this review all about edits. If you read through this again, maybe even out loud, you'll see the errors with your own eyes. *Wink*

Here's one glaring example that can be easily corrected.
Scarlette but still [licked] to have fun.

**

The first sentence, your chance to grab a reader is a run-on and quite confusing. More spaces are required between the words because it's almost impossible to read. Most of the sentences are not written in proper form. I like phrases rather than full sentences sprinkled into a story, but not quite so many as I found here.

What was the vent in the middle of a wall? A heating duct? How could any person fit through that?

So, despite the struggle the plot, setting, and characters were not badly written. I've seen this scenario before, on TV. I probably would have introduced a firefighter to pull her out. *Laugh*

Excellent job for the conclusion. Scarlette had plans for that $50, but she changed her mind after the rescue. *Thumbsup*

~Nixie *Smile*


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230
230
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Ben. I'm reviewing this on behalf of the activity above.

I hesitated to review this because it's of a specific form that is unknown to me. In fact, all forms of poetry, outside the poem and the prose, are unknown to me. If you'll forgive me for not appreciating the form, I'd like to share a few thoughts with you as to content.

First off, Well-defined and creative title draws in the reader. Even if a person doesn't understand the sonnet form, I'll bet lots of people hone in on Twitter.

Needless to say, this piece grasped me and a connection was forged. I'm not on any social media platforms, due to what I've read about others. But the emphasis I'm going for is the reminder to look beyond the hate and sheer blankness of another's mind.

Being torn apart by words cannot be rendered whole again. If we pay attention to the haste and the roar, it's inevitable the negativity will worm its way into our subconscious. And if most people are focusing on the inane and salacious, the negativity compounds as one talks to another and so on.

Ben has found a solution. It involves slowing down, which is inconceivable to many in our culture. Why fall for the quick and easy when there is knowledge and compassion that matches up with a person? Pick between the lines, rake aside the leaves, brush off the dirt. Is there a nugget there you relate to?

Thanks for the read. Written in 2014, it still rings true in 2020. That's a sad statement on our culture. We have a president who tweets? Can American society decline to an even lower level?

I'm appreciative of the positive spin on this topic. I leave here with a smile on my face. *Smile*

~Nix out.


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231
231
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Oh, my. Is that brief description really true? It sounded unforgiving. I had questions. Angus is the king of horror. Why such an innocent title? The entire piece read dark and disturbing. The situation, purposely left vague, pulled my mind in too many directions.

I thought (as you intended) that it was Jim's time to die. But that didn't match up with the title of brief description. I'm an idiot. *Laugh*

What frightened me were the sentences with 'red voice' in them. I wondered if someone were bleeding from the mouth. Absolutely nothing made sense as the plot kept going. He was dead. He was tortured. Someone awful was with him in the room. Why were they shouting at him?

Great job connecting me to your character. All I wanted to know was if he would be okay. And, thinking of your King of Horror persona, it didn't seem as if the story would end well.

The twist got me!

To my credit, I never once yelled or shouted during the births of my three children. A fact I'm proud of, but, really, it's TMI. No choice but to say it, since I like to let authors know if I connected to their work on a personal level.

Coming across anything in the horror genre will always push me away. Somehow, I make my way through yours.

Excellent mixture of horror and light, totally unexpected.

~Nix out. *Smile*


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232
232
Review of War Of Depression  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi there. Nixie here.

I'm so sorry you have to fight this war, as expressed in the title. It is a battle within that sometimes nearly breaks. That's when it's time to get help.

This was a personal write and the words poured out of you in a stream of consciousness. Writing can be cathartic and when I reached the end of this work, your determination to overcome mitigated my concern. You're a strong person with a strong mind.

Comparing one's self to another doesn't help or lead to consolation. We all have differing degrees of coping.

What I want to say is, without dismissing what's happening to you, is that many people have these feelings. I'm happy you found a healthy outlet here at our WdC home.

I rarely make suggestions for a personal write, but this time ...if you have the energy to come back, adding some space between sentences would make a cleaner read. Right now, all the words are bunched together and that takes away some of the impact.

If you feel a break in your thoughts, maybe that's a good place to leave a few spaces between lines.

Your dark reflections were clearly expressed. And the bravado at the end was triumphant. Once again, I'll stick this comment in here. Sometimes we need outside professional help to overcome this type of mind set. Strength of mind may not be enough. Depression is an illness. Take it seriously.

If I sound a little preachy, it's because I know how it feels to battle with the mind. I could not have overcome my depression without help.

In my experiences, WdC is a safe place to express your feelings. *Smile* Keep writing.

~Nixie


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233
Review of The Interview  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Dave, Nixie here. You're the last ingredient in my appetizer menu for the activity above.

No, no way. That was the reaction I had at the end. No way should that be happening. Why did I think it was such a daring read? Still pondering that one.

Okay, so mediocre title, and a brief description that could be updated. However, since I often read stories beginning at the conclusion, I had all the info I needed to travel along with your adventure.

Excellent character development, particularly Jasper and his stogie. He definitely came across as you intended. A gnarly old guy with years of experience excited for a new juicy tidbit. He did make me think more of a newspaper reporter than director.

Excellent words choices enhanced the read. *Thumbsup*

Little tidbits along the way added some punch to the story itself. Some of the words were (intentionally?) lyrical and I spotted a sentence or two with alliteration, one of my favorite ways to write. Here's one example.

A sly smirk slowly spread..

Sometimes alliteration sounds like water skipping over a stone to me. High five for that combination.

One problem.Jasper had a smirk, and in the next sentence, Jason had a smirk. oops. Best not to use the same word in close proximity, but it could be argued that both men were snarky characters with similar personalities.

A clean break was indicated with some asterisks with no danger of disrupting the plot. Readers know there's a part 2 for this story, but I wonder how many guessed the twist? I didn't.

Great write!

~Nix out.







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234
Review of A Jump in Time  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Sophy. Nixie here. You will be pleased to learn that you are part of the appetizer for the activity above.

Hook
It may seem like a simple title, but it caught my attention. The brief description locked me in and I settled down for a good read.

I'm incredulous that you wrote such an awesome story with all those requirements for the contest. Did I read this was your first piece when you joined? Seems you were a writer before you ever landed here.

It looks like you only edited this once, and yet all I see is perfection. None of the prompts felt forced, which was amazing. My biggest concern was the flashlight, but you worked that one in too.

The parrot was hysterically funny, but also knowledgeable, as the foreboding intensified. The comments made me laugh, but Keith messed up my coolness while reviewing. I wanted to step in and smack him upside the head and tell him to pay attention. But then the parrot jumped on the bar top and sent me off into funny land once again.

This wasn't an uncomplicated plot, or an easy write. Let me take that back. For an author such as yourself, this may have been a breeze. It's hard to imagine a first write being a winner. But reviewers only have to read this story to understand your gift. Thanks for the entertainment.

~Nix out.





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235
235
Review of The Big Race  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey, Leger. Nixie here. Dropping by with a review for the activity above. You'll be happy to know you're on my appetizer menu. *Laugh*

Your descriptions of the characters had me laughing as I pictured them in my mind. Excellent descriptors. My favorite was the crack about 'chicken legs'. Oh, and also the guy who added lint from his pocket to the ante.

Why there were only three in this race puzzled me, but it worked like a charm for "The Writer's Cramp" . I'm learning, as I'm reviewing, a simple plot and only a few characters is a good recipe for writing limiting contests.

I would probably be the guy (woman) with the shot-out knees, but never would I show my pain. What a boring story that would be. It reminds me of an ice-skating experiencing. I fell while performing a jump and caught myself with one arm. The pain exploded, but since I'm not one to make a scene, I finished the lesson without a peep. I had broken my arm.

It's fun to read stories that make me laugh. And I enjoy stories that stir up memories of my own. I'd forgotten all about that falling mishap.

Oh, why does there have to be a suggestion?
The first and second line both use the combination of [he stood]. No big deal, especially when writing a story for a fast turnaround.

Thanks for the read. Hope you didn't mind being part of the appetizer.

~Nix out.



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Review of June Newsletter  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi BBW. Nixie, here, dropping off a review via random review.

I'm thrilled this Newsletter of yours popped up. I've seen your MB around, but never knew what it meant. Even though you were working under less than nominal circumstances, you pulled this off successfully. The NL was informative, friendly and inviting. I can't say this is a genre that would be of interest to me, though. It must take a specific personality to relate on this level, much like my preferred genre is sci-fi.

You included examples and an outside link to aid understanding.*Checkg* I use dictionaries, a thesaurus, wiki and just a general google search to track down information. Good idea to mention that here. I'd never given much thought to how accurate wiki was.

What I liked most were your comments under the Friends section. I had a Twiga when I first joined. Without her, my novelette would never have been completed. And, of all the wonderful things my Twiga helped me with, that novelette won three quills. My shining accomplishment. Sadly, she's no longer a member. She was a person who always understood what I was trying to communicate, even when I wasn't sure myself.

Now I have precious friends who belong to the same group as I do. Without them, well, WdC would not be the same. I have to thank you for giving me this opportunity to 'say my piece' as it were. I may never be an anthro fan, but special friends are a gift.

Not a bad NL considering. *Wink* They are not easy to write.



~Nixie


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237
237
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Hi Rojodi. Nixie here. Stopping by with a review via random review.

Right off the bat, you've got this story going. I found the concept most interesting, as I like to play with alternate universes and missing items. *Wink*

I couldn't help but notice this is hasn't been edited since 2018, which is sad. But I have stories marked private I intend to continue, but it never happens. Maybe this is all you set out to do and you're continuing with your work.

The 'removing her clothing' threw me for a loop, taken out of context, perhaps? Why does Campion and his associates require that? If this outline is revision #3 is this the time to add in some more details?

The mention of a character who uses his empathy gift to change minds had me confused. I thought you were referring to Empaths. But I googled empath, and found it was primarily used in sci-fi. Wonderful! I learned something new today.

I scanned all the notes until I reached the ending. Even without knowing the full story I felt vindicated and happy. The acronym NSFW sounded fascinating. I wonder what it stands for?

All in all, this is most likely a story I would enjoy, if you ever pick it up again.

~Nixie *Smile*





~Nixie


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238
238
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi there! Nixie here, dropping off a review using the random review option.

Am I allowed to just say wow! That sums it all up. *Thumbsup*

At first, I was puzzled by the unusual words and had no idea where the poem was going. Reading the brief description, I expected to read a poem about autumn. Very clever on your part. Had I looked closely at the cover art, I would have had a better idea. No matter, it's a pleasure to be surprised like this.

The words you chose precisely fit what you're trying to express here. I kept reading and reading, always compelled to continue. In my mind, I could see what 'you were seeing'. If that makes sense.

What really got to me was the conclusion. It nearly brought tears to my eyes. So often, I feel alone and don't know where to turn. I have people in my life, but, well the feeling is inexplicable. Something in your words touched me. Also inexplicable.

Most eye-catching line
Stone Oak sepulcher

I don't know how you dreamed up that name but it's exceptional, and once again, fits the theme to a T. Excellent write!


~Nixie


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Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Max, every time I stumble over your portfolio (random review was the vehicle this time) excellence in all aspects of writing jump from the page.
You have an impressive and subtle way to work facts into your story, with rich detail.

All the scenes were easily imagined. And dang that awful company. Good for Jeff, paying attention to his moral compass.

The characters were no exception. I liked reading about Corbett the best. Your writing voice is wonderful, and Jeff's thoughts were clever and humorous. This chapter kept my attention from beginning to end. I'm not sure Jeff's new position will be safe, however. What a tantalizing conclusion to this chapter. Jeff's a good person, but he's desperate. That's a bad combination. The man has no choice but to take up the offer.

Have you written any more chapters? You could post the link at the bottom so readers can keep on going without returning to your portfolio to look. Just saying.

Along with Corbett's description, which gave me the shivers, she's evil in and out. I picked this sentence out as I was reading.

Uh Oh. This sounded ominous.
"Have you liked working here, Mr. Clement?"

Lapse of attention
He glanced back Hightower

*Down*

I appreciate it, but I don't need a pllace right now.

Thanks for the read, and please let me know if there are more chapters. Right now, I'm on a mission to complete the appetizer at "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Write on, you masterful word smith. You know this is a five star story, right?*Wink*

~Nix out.


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240
240
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Melisscious. Nixie here.

What a harrowing story. My anxiety level mounted with every word as I tried to make sense of what happened after the crash. Learning about what you endured, and all alone by yourself, had my heart thumping. But what was revealed in the end? Exactly how and where the car landed added a whole new level of tension. I can't imagine being alone in the dark, with no awareness or sense of what happened.

Point of interest > I never thought about what was actually in air bags.

I have one suggestion. Let the story begin when the action begins. As the autobiography unfolds, your reader will learn everything they need to know. Or maybe write 'introduction' at the top where you begin. This is your story, tell it your way, whatever works best for you. For me, it was a hard transition from trying to discern how those facts would fit into the work, and then having to dive into the action.

One difficulty when writing first POV is learning how not to start most sentences with "I". It's not easy, at least not for me. Secondly, full caps are not something people see in written works. It's possible to show how scared you were, rather than putting that word in caps. I don't think you need that sentence at all. Your fear is tangible.

I'm still asking myself how the beginning will come into play. It sounds unjust, but wise. Please keep writing and sharing your autobiography. Many questions hang, and that's a good thing. If you write another 'chapter' be sure to link it at the bottom so the reader can easily transition from one part to the next. (Use a bitem, or item link) If you haven't learned yet, email me and I can show you. *Smile*



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241
241
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Amolika. Nixie here.

The title of this story caught my eye, so good job there. In the brief description, author's write a clip to give the reader a clue as to the content. (We know your name from your work.) *Wink*

What a powerful write. I don't know your character's name, but her journey held my attention from beginning to end. Excellent job showing her vanity, which I sided with. The tone told me the story was moving towards disaster, but I liked reading about her beautiful hair and how it was like her mother's. I'd probably feel the same way.

But through your character's actions, a lesson is learned. And it's a great one. Our power, our strength, our belief in ourselves comes from within. Whatever is external is only that. Appearances.

People tend to judge from the outside, the cover of the book, as it were. And sometimes, that's what people internalize.

You've created a strong character and a compelling plot. It was easy to sympathize with the girl's woes. Especially for a girl entering high school with such negativity attached to her. I liked the tension that slowly built as she waited for test results. I know too much about that!

But your girl's a heroine and found her way to what really matters in life. I was only sad the circumstances were so tragic. I bet her hair grows back in now, too.

My favorite line:
each day tasted like a new level of anxiety.

Thanks for sharing your work with the community. We're all like family here, and I hope you'll also find WdC to be your second home. *Bigsmile* Keep writing!


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Review of Words do hurt  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi, Miss Rena. Nixie here.

What a powerful piece you've written. I can feel the pain behind the words. I've heard people say awful things about me, or I've accepted treatment less than I deserved from another person. I wonder why humans inflict so much pain on each other? It takes more energy to hate or be mean rather than spreading positivity.

A few thoughts. Make sure to capitalize 'I' in sentences.
Hearing them replay as i fall asleep

Oops, lapse of attention *Wink*
Sticks and stones break our bones but words [cant] ever hurt me?
[can't]

Consider sorting this out for an easier read by creating stanzas. Your words will stand out more and each will be experienced fully.

All the rhymes worked well. Nothing felt forced. Although painful to read, the flow was smooth. Toward the end, I felt tension building, or the emotions ready to spill over, as if all the lines before were shooting toward a crescendo. Which they did!

There's one place I have to disagree. You do not want those words in your head. They don't belong to you. Lock his thoughts in a box and launch it into space. Keep those words imprisoned somewhere. Whatever visualization works for you. Don't let him take your power away.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us today. *Smile*



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243
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Review of in the dark  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
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Hi Shawn,

From what I can understand from this 'short story', you're writing your heart out to help you overcome a great sadness. I think you had a girls's best interest in mind. It's normal for people to want to help someone who is sad. Or are you saying you're drawn to a person who lights up your dark life?

Everyone experiences something like this in their lifetime. One may want another so desperately, they are blinded and cannot see what's really happening. Eventually, one learns they cannot make another person feel anything. We have power over our reactions, but that's it.

Interesting, I was just speaking with another member about how people interact.

A great idea to help the reader understand would be to clean this up a bit. I'm guessing you put thoughts in your head to words on 'paper', which is fine. But you're offering your work for public consumption. We should always write the best we can. And I believe you're capable.

A few tips. Use punctuation, put spaces between words, try to avoid repetition. Can you put a paragraph or two in? Right now, the reader is looking at a block of text.

Is this really a short story? I'm sorry if I read this as a personal outcry if you meant it to be fiction. Either way, the same suggestions apply. If it's not a short story, you can change the category to 'personal' 'non-fiction' or what feels right to you.

Please keep writing, either personal entries, poems, short stories, whatever you want. The more you write, the better your work becomes. It's one way writer's learn. It also helps to review others' work. *Wink*

I'm sorry for such sorrow, but it's good to release your feelings by writing. Just around the corner a bright light is shining.

Image #1890361 over display limit. -?-




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244
244
Review of Thief  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Myles! Random review dropped me in your port again.

The title and brief description work for the hook, although I liked the brief description better than the title.

I enjoy stories that begin with explosive dialogue. It sets the mood immediately, and maybe the reader's heart skipped a bit in anticipation. Both characters' names appeared in the beginning, and the relationship between them was established. *Checkg*

Kate sounded so patient while Mick ranted. Until she finally had the chance to get a word in! Mick sure liked that screwdriver. He had his name engraved on it.

Which made the twist that much more surprising. The dialogue flowed easily and naturally. I had to laugh at Kate, who knew what was going on from the beginning.

I thank you for the larger font and generous spacing. Most times, squinting is involved. Great write for flash fiction! Concise and fun to read. My plots are usually convoluted. I need to work on thinning them down. That's what these type of contests teach. You gave me a good example to learn from. *Bigsmile*


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
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#1300305 by Maryann


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245
245
Review of Thief  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Myles! Random review dropped me in your port again.

The title and brief description work for the hook, although I liked the brief description better than the title.

I enjoy stories that begin with explosive dialogue. It sets the mood immediately, and maybe the reader's heart skipped a bit in anticipation. Both characters' names appeared in the beginning, and the relationship between them was established. *Checkg*

Kate sounded so patient while Mick ranted. Until she finally had the chance to get a word in! Mick sure liked that screwdriver. He had his name engraved on it.

Which made the twist that much more surprising. The dialogue flowed easily and naturally. I had to laugh at Kate, who knew what was going on from the beginning.

I thank you for the larger font and generous spacing. Most times, squinting is involved. Great write for flash fiction! Concise and fun to read. My plots are usually convoluted. I need to work on thinning them down. That's what these type of contests teach. You gave me a good example to learn from. *Bigsmile*


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by Maryann


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
246
246
Review of Kelli  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Arakun. Nixie here with an anniversary review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



All your stories are worthy of a read and review, but horror scares me. *Laugh* I'm happy to have found a story that made me happy.

Maybe because I'm a mom and have three grandchildren, stories with kids have a special place in my heart. I liked Kelli and her dramatic entrance. The mom asked all the right questions.

Favorite sentence
She said the word "boy" as if she were saying "cockroach".

Punctuation slipped your mind. Since there's no direct dialogue, quotation marks are not used. The placement of the period would have been a lot easier if it were dialogue. The period after the ['] looks weird, because all punctuation has to be inside the quotation marks.

She said the word 'boy' as if she were saying 'cockroach'. *Confused*
Or...you could use italics.

All your characters were vivid in my mind, and I could see the scene playing out.

Great write from 2007 *Shock2*

~Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann



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247
247
Review of Hopeless Romance  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi charmed. Nixie here, with an anniversary review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



These type of challenges can be so challenging. *Laugh* All an author can do is write and move on. So, considering the circumstances, you wrote an excellent story, complete with characters, conflict, setting and resolution.

The story opened quickly with two characters parting, which gave me a clue as to the conclusion.

He also thought Cammie’s dream just a frivolous quest,
With the word [also] in this sentence, I wondered who else thought the quest was frivolous. (excellent word choice.)

Mark got on bended knee.
and then a few sentences later
Mark jumped out of his seat

Mark was definitely ready to be married, but I felt (even though it wasn't specifically expressed) Cammie's presence hidden in the plot.

But I did guess the conclusion. Not the twist, though. Nicely done!

~Nixie

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248
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there! Nixie here dropping off an anniversary review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I wasn't positive I could read this entire story. I kept thinking, go back now, stop reading. Your plot grabbed me from the first because I have an affinity with trees. Often, I think how wise they must be, standing still for hundreds of years, absorbing emotions and actions. You did a wonderful job showing my feelings. And the characters'.

The story was sad from the beginning because it began in the past. The brief description also alerted the reader. I like your character and the way she expresses herself. From watching medical shows *RollEyes* I felt her pain from the skin grafting. I wondered if she really was the damaged girl she saw, or if that was only her perception. Probably the scarring was the truth.

In the end, the reader learned she'd been scarred in a place that won't heal. No wonder that woman can't move on. I'd like to encourage her, but her despair was all too real.

The first paragraph read a bit rough, due to all the passive verbs.

dreams and ideas would [flow] like streams of cool water. I could fill notebooks with magical words, [flowing] effortlessly into poems and stories.

Hmm. same words too close together.

Treasures don't last forever. Even trees. *Sad*

Beautiful images of her sitting on the quilt breathed life into the sad story. That is my take-away. I'll remember that tree before the fire, and I'll remember the girl, and I'll try to forget the woman and the conclusion. (a tiny bit predictable.)

Nice write!


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249
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Charr. Nixie here to drop off an early anniversary review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
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Dang, Charr. You know how to write, that's for sure. I held my breath from beginning to end. (Mostly because I read the last paragraph first.)

Excellent, explosive opening scene. I could absolutely hear this couple yelling at each other. (The cover art tells the story all on it's own)

The questions posed are valid, even in reality. Sometimes, though both people are miserable they stay together because it's easier, or because they can't afford to live apart. As long as kids aren't involved, divorce can be less messy. I don't think this couple was married.

You're accomplished at writing in first POV, and if I remember correctly, you're the master of all POV's. I've read one of your blog entries written in third. Impressive.

Here comes the ending, and I'm not prepared, even though I read it first. You penned a unique story, with a compelling plot. Well defined characters with show vs. tell taking front and center.

Thanks for the read. *Smile*

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Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi D.B. Nixie here, dropping by to leave an anniversary review for you. *Smile*

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
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First impressions. The title was compelling and unique. The brief description informed the reader as to the plot, but there was no way to determine if the trip was memorable due to tragedy or happiness. I was hooked.

As I began to read, the font seemed so small and the spacing too tight. White space is a popular term because 'supposedly' readers (not necessarily members) are rushed. If the writing looks too impacted, they may pass it by. More space between the words themselves would also benefit this piece. When parenthesis were used, there was absolutely no space at all between words, making the read a challenge. Still, I was curious.

Quite a bit of detail was required to explain the intricacies of the experience. Too many passive verbs dragged the plot down. The vacation was detailed, but everything was important. No extra words.

You allowed the reader to 'visit' your family. *Smile*

A second read-through of this work, if you're so inclined, would substantially improve it.


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