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Review Requests: OFF
3,224 Public Reviews Given
3,263 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "February 10, 2020
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghood

I am reviewing for "February 10, 2020 for this activity. "I Write in 2020

The first line gave me pause, as I pondered the image of the moon. Perhaps a moon not obscured by clouds?

Emotional reaction
My mind wanders in murky corridors, always finding the phantoms and nightmares. Your 24 syllable poem was a balm to my fevered brain.

The words you chose were unusual, and in their own way, followed a lyrical pattern. I rejoiced in the hope of 'wild prayers'. (My favorite phrase, flowing into the last two lines.)

What a turnaround for the expected adjective before prayers. Usually, at least for me, prayers are meditations of calm wanderings.

The concept of wildness freed me, somehow, emotionally. It sounds corny, but I felt a lift in my heart. I thought, breathtaking and beautiful.

Nicely done!

~Nixie




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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227
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Intuey! Nixie here with thanks for your support of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This review is the second and last item for package #4 at "Winter Fun Raffle and Auction

*Vignette2*
From the top
What an innovative title! The tragic brief description; who will ever forget Katrina?

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
Emotion heaped upon emotions!
I had to stop reading halfway through as the family attempted to climb to safety. I'm not sure where the ugly words goosebumps came from, but I waited until they settled down and read on.

Okay, reading on.

Action and more action as the tempo of the plot increased, same as the water. Excellent job showing the water coming in, more and more with every moment. I remember being furious when I learned about the construction of the levee. Was that to save money? Those poor people. *Sad*

Smart mom, to enlist help from the kids for distraction. *Heart*

In an innocent scenario, I asked my kids to go to the next aisle and find cereal with less than 12 grams of sugar. That kept them busy and gave me a break. As adults, they all remember.

*Vignette2*
Hot spots
Strange, the thoughts that go through your head in an emergency,
Oh, so very true. I wonder what I would think. What would I take with me? This couple lost everything.

*Vignette2*
suggestions/Thoughts
spreads and even a couple of old [stuff] animals. > stuffed

word repetition
As if Howard and Rita read [each other's] minds, they looked at[ each other.]

Same problem now within one sentence.

Within [each other's] eyes, they also saw the love and support for [each other.]

More repetition
Howard looked toward the [couple] huddled together and asked about the elderly [couple] which lived next door to the [couple,]

again
The couple just shook their heads


*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up
The only comfort was having each other, and in the end that's all that matters. To rebuild, to move on, to overcome, nothing is impossible through the miracle of love. (I wish I sincerely believed that. Part of me does, but I've never known love.)

Thanks again for your generosity. Members like you make WdC go 'round.







Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann


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228
228
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! intuey GoT Survivor! Yay! You have the winning bid on package #4 at "Winter Fun Raffle and Auction which included a 3 month upgraded membership - sent, and here is one review from the two offered.


Overall Impression
Way to make me laugh, woman.

The title had me rolling my eyes. If there was any doubt about what it meant, the brief description described all. Maybe less of a clue to keep the readers guessing.

The visuals were so vividly described, I could easily form an image in my head of where the action was taking place.

Characters
Although we don't have descriptions of either character, the story lost nothing. Personality led the plot.

Special Moments
Excellent job finding different ways for the wife to approach the door without repetition. *Checkg*

I don't want to copy/paste the whole sentence, but the opposite meaning was ingenious. My mind has gone into....

Is it crazy that I found myself enjoying the husband's plight? I'd give anything to have seen him swim. Okay, that's a bit vindictive.

Oops
I understand that it's unlikely you'll go back and edit this. It's way more fun to move forward, and it makes more sense. However, since it's my responsibility to help and to explain what happened to the half star:

A few spots here and there with verb tense changes and misplaced commas. Why do we have to use commas anyway? *Laugh*

Closing comments
Typical husband, right? When the wife saw the plumber in a white halo of light, I had to read it twice before [angel] clicked. Clever.

Thanks for supporting our auction, and for the comedy of your story.
*Wink*

New identity for SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
229
229
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Vincent. Welcome to the party.

I'm reviewing for this activity.


Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


As far as the fantasy genre, all the elements were here, a common theme in fantasy. Other than some rough parts, the story flowed. A dwarf with a mission, a secret place, an ancient map—all ingredients for this genre. You'll need an extreme twist to separate this fantasy plot from everything else written in this genre.

I like the way you've shown part of the world. It's an area where any vice is accepted, unless it interferes. Such a puzzle to be resolved as the plot progresses piques the interest. The reader will be looking for more. *Idea*

The diet clued in the reader. The 'made-up' words created a strong sense of other-worldliness. One of my favorites [“bark of deadwood”.] The one problem, no one is speaking, so quotation marks wouldn't be used. In your story, it's fine just to write bark of deadwood with nothing to denote it as separate. The reader is in your story world, and expects odd words to pop up.

Weather impacts the story. A conflict was presented, in the form of the Yeti.

Sharp and defining words, I wonder what 'sausage in the High Gardens' indicates? And no one chased the vendor away from the place of peace? I had to laugh at the way this was presented. Calm, and then commerce. Hum. Establishment continued. The reader will look forward to see how the different aspects align.

And here, more diversity. Among the dwarfs, two distinct classes that were considered high society. Alchemists were bums, which hardly seemed fair to me. *Laugh*

Impression so far? A lax society.

*** Thoughts, suggestions.

Numbers are spelled, not written. (3) three

Notice all the sentences using the passive verb (was). Show activity.

Exclamation marks should be few or eliminated. After a while, the punctuation has no meaning.

Everyone else was referred to as a "bum".
If you want to show later that bum has a special meaning that will be of importance later in the story, remember all punctuation belongs inside the quotation marks. Use single quotation marks. *Right* Everyone else was referred to as a 'bum.'


Avoid using the same word in close proximity. *WinK*
It was thought maybe they thought too highly of themselves...

Reword? This sounds like meat chunks are woven into scraps of lint
as well as people who collect meat chunks to scraps of lint woven into carpet

Farther is distance. Further is everything else, most commonly time.
squinting to see [further] > farther in the pitch blackness

Avoid the passive verb was.
It was faded and the color was a sort of dark bourbon color from age

Find a new word for [finally] (the word loses meaning)
“Finally!” he exclaimed.

“Finally,” he breathed in the frosty cave air,

Finally, he put down his writing instrument.


The dwarf can't both close the door at the same time as he's withdrawing the parchment. (unless he's closing it without using his hands.)
closed the door behind him while withdrawing the parchment

Close proximity ~ same sentence
reached for a book of ancient rune [translations] and began to [translate] the text.

Same here
He [reached] for a parchment, scribbled a note on it, and [reached] for the cat.


Where did he stop? What does [point] mean in this sentence

The Dwarf, who's name it seems, was Breedebecke, stopped on [point] and scratched his head.


***
If this looks overwhelming, it's not. Even I'm tired after spending an hour writing this review. *Laugh* The required edits are easy to correct.

At the conclusion, twist. *Delight* A cat as a courier. Yes, the story diverged from others. Keep writing!

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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Review of The Book Worm  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Angus! Welcome to the party.

I'm reviewing for this activity.


Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Very *Cool* story with a more or less expected twist, but not a twist upon a twist.

Like Chad, I never go anywhere without a book. Especially now when they're downloaded in my phone or Kindle. And as far as a book consuming? I was waiting for my name to be called for a medical diagnostic test when I realized everyone before me was gone and new people were coming in. I was engrossed, my name went unheard by me.

And, dang this is an awesome story that provokes thoughts; I truly miss the joys of hunting in a library for the right book, or hanging out at Barnes and Noble, perusing the aisles. Yup, me and Chad. Bookworms.

Chad read the first few sentences to see if he was interested, I begin in the middle. If I liked the author's style half-way in, I knew the book was for me. And I miss the smell of new books. Is that funny or weird?

Ahem. The review, anytime now, Nixie. *Laugh* My reaction really says it all. But if you insist . .

I like stories better when they drop me in to the deep end. Ice cold water. Instant reaction. The lead-in is something I've noticed other writers doing, so maybe it's a new technique? I didn't need an intro to make me fall in love with Chad.

*Headbang*
Remember, nothing happens suddenly in fiction? It's always immediate. The word [suddenly] is in two different places.

Oh, the ending. I vacillated between happiness for Chad's dream come true, and saddened that his parents lost him. We'll never know if that dream of Chad's was worth the personal sacrifice. I'll imagine him with a gleaming smile as he ghosts every page.

Thanks for the fun write!


Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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231
Review of High Anxiety  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi BlueJay. I am reviewing for this activity. "I Write in 2020

I just saw you yesterday, perched outside my terrace. *Laugh* It's unusual to see a real Blue Jay, so that appearance of the bird delighted me, much like your story!

First off, I would choose a genre, just in case someone outside of this activity reviews the story. *Wink*

All I had to do was read the title, and my heart boomed triple-time. *Heart*

Oops
Missing quotation marks.
"Eddie! Stop trying to scare me. We're fine.

I get so frustrated when I make this mistake.
Look, I can see [you're] house down there."
[your]

I don't want to see my house from up here. I want to see it from the inside. *Rolling* So telling of both character and scene.

No doubt from the beginning this story was about a roller coaster ride. I was hoping for a twist. But Sheila's last comment more than made up for a twist.

Excellent entry for the contest. *Checkg*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




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Review of Not Doing Okay  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Spencer. Welcome to the party.

I'm reviewing your work for this activity. I arrived in your port via random reviewing.


Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


How goofy is it that I wanted the guy to be right in his thoughts, and unfairly imprisoned. Hope springs eternal, they say, whatever that means.

I thought it strange to see strange twice in one sentence. I thought about pointing that out, but as I read more, the opening sentence made sense for someone with a malfunctioning brain.

His thoughts were weird from the beginning, but that's what unreliable narrators do. Try to make the reader believe in them. And, I could follow up to a certain point, before I realized his thoughts were repetitive.

You've written this once, with no editing? Or do you have the same system as me? I keep my work on private until I can't see straight. The exception is if it's a contest entry, and I'm hoping for reviews.

I wondered where this plot was taking me as it delved deeper and deeper. I knew he had to be incarcerated, due to the brief description, so I'm glad you didn't belabor the extent of his illness. Are you sure that's even a diagnosis? I've had some experience in that area. A psychopath sums it up. Except, this guy likes extensive labels and illnesses psychiatrists diagnose.

Most patients like the narrator live in a state-facilities on a Thorazine drip, doing the Thorazine dance, as it's sometimes crudely described.

Okay, so since I read his letter, does the narrator want to know if I found it interesting? I'm sure that what he's hoping for. He's never getting out of there. He's so far gone, his mother's murder is an abstract concept.

I think we're all born with the tendencies that show up at some point in our lives. At least, I'm still deciding if I like that concept. People born with unbalanced chemicals. How else can it be explained if a person has low levels of Serotonin? Chronic, life long, not situational.

good grief, I've been thinking and writing for an hour. Time to wrap this up. Is enjoyed the right word to explain my reaction. I appreciated something different to read. Keep writing!


Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
233
233
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Dagtar. Welcome to the party.

I'm reviewing for this activity.


Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


The story is correctly placed in the 'horror' genre. Reader beware.

*Checkg*
You have the beginnings of a great story here! Interesting title. I laughed when I read the brief description. Sort of a tongue-in-cheek sentence. If it's exaggeration, who's exaggerating?

I have to ask a question first.
Was The Woman in the Machine a fake demonstration, to entice Frank? If she's for real, would she really be laughing with Lithia at the end? Wouldn't she have sympathy. Why didn't she escape? I think something important in this story got passed over by me, despite more than a few reads. Is she the one exaggerating?

The first sentence is a run on and breaking it down would help the reader enter your story world.

Remember to start a new paragraph every time a new character appears and speaks. Otherwise, it all gets lumped together.

Resist using punctuation or adverbs to show your character. For instance, in one part, Frank is pacing nervously. To me, pacing implies nervousness or agitation. Pace is a strong verb. Why dilute it needlessly with an adverb?

"Hell, what did you think Frank?!
Multiple punctuation isn't used in writing fiction. Show your character's behaviour.

I want this review to be full of positivity and encouragement. But there are so many errors in here, I honestly don't know what to do. If I point out all of them, the review will look a mess, as if there's nothing good here to read. And that's simply not true!

I think the plot is fabulous.

If you're interested in your story, please come back and take a second or third look with an eye searching for mistakes. Do you know anyone who can help you proofread. Writers always need a second pair of eyes. Sometimes it helps to read out loud. Expansion would also bring the story to life. Is there more of a plot to be revealed? Or do you want your readers to speculate? Speculating, I'm guessing.

Keep writing, keep editing. Oh, did I mention Keep Writing? *Laugh*

Take care, and thanks for the opportunity to read and review your story.

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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234
234
Review of Residual Effect  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Et Invisibilium Welcome to WdC! I'm reviewing for this activity.

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Sci-fi genre? I'm all in. The title sounded like some kind of experiment (or should I say procedure?) gone wrong, which often happens in stories like this.

The catchy first line snagged my interest. 'talking to the air' made me think he had an AI in the house. But apparently it was a two-way conversation, like a telephone call. The people he spoke to couldn't even see him? What did I miss? Where's the futuristic element for communication?

So, simply (haha) transferring a brain to a silicone body can make a person violent? I can't make sense of that in my head. If he had no prior tendencies, then why?

The dialogue between the counselor and Mr. Emerson was funny, but also sad. How could his wife act so calmly after he unwittingly harmed her and messed up the bedroom? All she had to say was that maybe he appeared taller?

I wanted so much more from this story. More details, more information, something that made sense to me. I took the voyage through the plot. I kept reading, which means I did find points of interest to keep me engaged. That's great! *Checkg*

In the end, I left feeling dissatisfied and disappointed. Maybe this wasn't the right fit for me, the relationship between story and reader. (author and reader)

The story was never edited, which means there's still room for improvement. If this is all you wanted to accomplish, then let the story go and move forward. *Wink*


Would you like to meet more new members?
"Noticing Newbies

Nixie

A lovely animated image using a GC from my Secret Santa


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
235
235
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hi eshaw08 Welcome to WdC! I'm reviewing for this activity.

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!



Is this the beginning of a story, or perhaps a chapter for a book? Little was expressed here, other than telling the reader what was happening and adding character names. *Confused*

Was this 'story' read out loud, or least given more than a gush of thoughts, never edited? The mistakes were (hopefully) lapses of attention, because they were so numerous.

Best not to begin with the first sentence you wrote. Simply dive into the story, plunging the reader into the deep end and making them eager to read on.

Much of this can be accomplished with dialogue, more than the few snippets here. When writing dialogue, use a new paragraph every time a different is speaking.

Watch out for repetitiveness.

Here's a few quick examples to help

Second sentence. High Falls need to be capitalized because it's the name of the farm. Also, the reader wants to know what [beautiful] means.
Lindsey lived on high falls, the most beautiful farm in Georgia.
Lindsay lived on High Falls,

Full capital words are not seen in fiction writing.
They had chickens, goats, pigs, and a WHOLE lot of animals.

All punctuation belongs inside the quotation marks.

...it would be good for everyone".
...t would be good for everyone."

But her father was a little disappointed beaches ehe
What does this sentence mean? Aside from the typos, why would the father be surprised by what his daughter said?

The reader would like to know more about Lindsey, with more details than
things got old really fast.

My suggestion would be to re-read this, read and review other members' work so you an learn a bit more about creative writing. What we have here is a telling story with undeveloped characters and no visual description of anyone, or of any scene. Writing fiction is much more than typing out thoughts. Although this method can work to get the basics of the story while the plot is fresh in your mind. The point would be to come back and flesh out the story.

Whatever you write on the website, unless set to 'private' members will read and review. We all need to put our best writing out there. If there's a reason for the multitude of errors, I couldn't find it in your bio. (I thought maybe you were a young writer, just starting out.)

Best wishes for your continuing writing career. It's a joyful process, but sometimes incredibly frustrating. Reading, reviewing, writing, all part of the same process. I hope you stay with us as your writing skills expand.

Here's a forum to visit where some new members introduce themselves.


"Noticing Newbies

Nixie

A lovely animated image using a GC from my Secret Santa


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Moarzjasac

I'm reviewing for this event. Random review dropped me in your port. *Smile*
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!



Cry me a river if your story hadn't made my eyes water. I have emotions running wild with memories and kudos for writing this.

What a poignant and inevitable conclusion. And the kindness left behind in the note? Beautiful. I've had a few similar experiences. People who appear in our lives and then disappear. Those are the encounters I don't forget. But none compare to the plot I read.

Some of my emotions stemmed from my brother's 30 year trucking experiences. Never 'over the road' but his route did take him to a neighboring state. He had a reputation for the 'guy who got things done'. Something got messed up, they always called my brother. The stories he tells fascinate me. And he's had a few blown tires himself.

In Florida, we have I4 that runs east to west. Most annoying when you first move here. Anyway, when trucks jackknife, it often covers six lanes on each side. People used to have "I'm an I4 prisoner" bumper stickers. Sometimes, a person might wait 2-4 hours.

What wonderful descriptions of emotions, sights, and smells. The coffee, the pie...

You buried me in your dream world, and I didn't want to leave. I even feel sad now, knowing the review is about to end.

For what it's worth, years later. At least you know I gave your story lots of attention and careful reading.

"Well what is here," the driver asked?

"Well what is here?" the driver asked.

The a young man
Strike out [a]

An excellent write that made me feel as if I had the same experiences. A full immersion. Read this one, reviewers.



Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




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Review of MOM  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Hi Renee Welcome to WdC

Please join the party!


Your story is a wonderful tribute to your mom, but it's difficult to make sense of in certain places. I read your bio (good job). In the beginning, you said you were six, and then said you started writing at sixteen. I checked to see if English were your second language.

I'm embarrassed to say my knowledge of Cerebral Palsy goes as far as 'having heard the term'. I researched a bit, and discovered its a disease that effects muscle coordination. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I cannot imagine any mom raising children, working, active in a church, going to college, and being a friend to everyone. She sounds like super-mom!

So, as I mentioned before, the mistakes here are distracting and I don't know how to help. If I listed and showed corrections, I fear you'd be discouraged. We support our newbies as best we can. Should you want help, please email and I'll respond.

If your illness has incapacitated your brain, I apologize for any misunderstanding. I'm merely sending kindness and hopefulness that you'll find WdC to be a second home, as so many of us do. How much you're involved, is your choice. Pop in whenever, plenty of members will always be here. If this tribute is all you wanted to accomplish, then that's more than enough.

The world goes 'round and 'round. Often, children end up taking care of elderly parents or relatives. You're a brave woman, Renee, raised by a mom most people only dream of. *Heart*

Here's a place where some new members introduce themselves. *Wink*


"Noticing Newbies

Nixie

A lovely animated image using a GC from my Secret Santa


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
238
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Review of Hanging in There  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!

Hi Jeff. We meet again. Welcome to the party.


I chose to review this simply for the pleasure of finding the unique words you tuck into your lines. The title brought the image of someone dangling from a branch about to snap. What I found meant far more to me.

I was with my family in the Adirondack mountains (NYS) with brand new hiking boots. The mountains are not super-high, just enough for travelers from NYC to visit and attempt the climbs. All with our little group was going well, other than me slowing and stopping to collect rocks or stick my fingers in holes. (What an idiot)

My boots came with a guarantee, safe and steady to climb any mountain. Above me stood my two brothers, perfectly balanced on a sheer vertical slice of mountain. I was stuck below with a friend. I won't say how we managed to climb.

With your character wearing cleats, this was an entirely different climb. I wondered about cleats for climbing, so I googled it and found Crampons Ice cleats. No metal spike to help. Wow. Okay, Nixie, appreciate the form: Trolaan. Stop worrying about cleats and spikes.

Simply reading how to create this poem rattled my brain. That's why I don't write poetry. I did notice the consistent punctuation, yay for me. *RollEyes* How you managed to show such a harrowing climb given the restraints, I'll never figure out. Have you mountain-climbed?

Also, there's a mountain where a violent snow storm descends, with no warning. Several climbers have died there. That was the picture set in my head when I read the last line. All the other lines and stanzas slowly built the tension, while showing the perils of this brave character. In the end, my wish is that he finds the top safely. He should have been climbing with a buddy. (obviously not appropriate for this poem) I'm defenseless against my imagination dreaming up more details. What a drag on this work to show anything other than written here.

Sr. mods are seamed into the stream of stories and poems not so easy to find reviewing on random. That's my explanation for landing in your port again.

Thanks for another great read.



Nixie

GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
239
239
Review of The Partyfolk  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!

Hi Sonali! Welcome to the party.


I landed here again via random review. Nice piece of Flash here. Characters, setting, conflict, resolution with a twist. Like the fantasy folk, you wove magic into your words.

Other than landing here randomly, the lilac font drew my eye, and I wanted to see what was happening here. What a wonderful idea that carried the message—something here is different.

Generous spacing, except for some missed spacing in between sentences made this an easy read. The set-up with the cake and *Spider* ground me to a halt. (in a good way.) Silly me, I tried to picture how a spider might be wrapped, and how a cake could taste like soap. The spider alone would have been justification enough for me to shut down all festivities. Although that's incredibly self-centered, as royalty and some presidents tend to be. Someday we'll find a kind and compassionate leader who cares enough about the people to govern with dignity. If only humans had a way to 'celebrate' (go on living as if there were a good leader) the world would be a better place.

I believe in trees able to carry and send messages. I'm not sure what that says about me. *Confused* No tree is left without a quick stroke when my path carries me toward them. It's my way of thanking them for their contribution to the planet and for admiration of their beauty. I'd best stop now, lest some readers arrange to have me committed for insanity. *Laugh*

What a lovely party scene you created. I felt the festivity and joy. Because the read was so soft and precious, I knew that chef would keep the secret. She needs to be the ruler. I didn't expect the spice part, though. Nice tie-in with her job.

Oh, that was some title you made up for the world where this took place. I didn't see it the first time around. Once I caught on, I smiled.

Thanks for the read!!


Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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240
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Review of build something  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi there. Welcome to the party.


I have learned the same thing. If one goes in search of something with the feeling of 'need' inside them it will only bring more need. With a strengthened brain and practice, we create our own reality. Of course that's not always true. Or sometimes we don't recognize what we have because we expected it to come in a certain form. Abstract example. If we're thinking of a square box wrapped in pink paper and a blue circular box shows up, we won't 'see' what's been brought into our life.

I liked the way you formatted the poetry, the staggered lines, the [i] not capitalized, the large font and generous spacing. This 'open' look invites readers in like an innocent child. Hmm. Take a quick look. Nothing to see here. Another reader (like me) hones in on the words and takes the time to absorb the thoughts. In my case, there was nothing to absorb, since the same thoughts run in my brain. I've learned to be careful with what I'm thinking. I remind myself, 'I accept only light and love' which guards us from picking up negativity that might be floating around, seeking an easy mark.

This is especially true for me when I meditate. I'm opening my mind to the cosmos, which can be dangerous if one is not properly prepared.

Have you considered capitalizing the title? Or is this the way you felt inside as you wrote? Understated, almost silent, something slipping past. If so, it works.

So you see, this isn't simply a message for yourself. You've accomplished what writers dream of. An audience that connects to the words. *Sun*

Keep on writing. You have wisdom and compassion to share. In your solitude, you've connected to the world.


Nixie *Bigsmile*

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#1300305 by Maryann





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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Ben. Welcome to the party.


When I find poetry that captures my attention, my bravest attempts to write a review take over. My reaction to poetry is almost always skip. Poems have forms, and not appreciating the talent required to pen something that both fits the form feels wrong. So if please pardon me as my attention wasn't on form, rather on the overall effect, or mood. (I did hear the lyrical rhythm.)

I wondered who the narrator was? Who is the one talking to the [you]? lol Someone who knows mermaids? The author himself giving warning? Those questions distracted me, which seems ridiculous.

In an attempt to forget and move forward, here we go. The first stanza, with the word [breast] set the seductive mood. It was flashy, definitely visual, and added to the mystique of the legendary creatures.

As the stanzas progress, nothing is repeated. Each one has a different message, another warning, yet still the reader knows the inevitable conclusion. Except, maybe not.

Since I've never heard of mermaids killing with a knife, my mind switched itself around. The last stanza didn't match my take, yet still I persisted. I thought the poem would switch to a man on land ending up brokenhearted due to a human relationship with a woman. Better to take chances ashore, safe from the legend, but not from the pain.

What to do? I had to google to see if I was lacking in mermaid lore. And I was! One sister bites the carotid while the other sister seeks the love that comes from the heart. I wasn't sure if both sisters could find satisfaction in the same man.

What I've never understood is why people think an organ looks like a heart that represents the source of love. That's why I took delight in the dark ending. *Laugh* There! I reviewed a poem, holding hope you found no insults.

Nixie





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242
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Review of The Stars  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Robin. Welcome to the party.


I enjoyed reading this lively adventure. Often, wonders are hidden behind innocuous or dull entrances. I don't know who gave Aticus the map, nor do I know why. The description of the inside made me as curious as Aticus, and I eagerly followed the plot. I'd like to have automatic night vision. (oops. I didn't know he was wearing a helmet. I think the reader needs to know that from the beginning.

I guess it's not necessary, and maybe too complicated to add to the plot, but I wondered where this was taking place, and what was the society like?

All those doors; I was acutely aware of Articus passing one after another, wondering if he would try to open one. He had the same concerns as I. The 'contents' of the doors he did open didn't belong in a sanctuary. Someone must have been hiding something, and the legend might have gone askew.

Ick. the sight made him puke in his helmet, and he had to continue wearing his helmet even after the mess inside. Double Ick.

Once he found the door with the panels he couldn't open, he did what anyone would do. Blast the darn thing to pieces. It felt like I was walking behind him, watching his moves and slightly apprehensive. Typical of an adventurer, he didn't hesitate to pry open the pillar. The fear factor multiplied by ten!

I wasn't completely in agreement with Articus when he started blasting the oozing creature. What if it was innocent? But once it attacked, violence naturally ensued. Excellent job describing the fight. I understood almost all the movements, other than the one I mentioned below.

Of course our hero won. And I was totally taken by surprise when the next thing happened. (no spoilers).

I do have questions. Was the creature the perpetrator of the guts scene? Was he part of an experiment that turned south so badly, he had to be imprisoned? Who imprisoned him? I speculated he might have been the pilot, but oh, how very wrong I was!

I can't get a clear visual from this sentence. what is [it] referring to?

The creature curled its legs between it and Articus and kicked him across the room.


A few pointers
It sounds normal to use [suddenly] when writing, but in fiction nothing happens suddenly. It just happens. [A noise pierced the air.]

Suddenly a noise pierced the air.

In the vein of thought, action is immediate.
he began to lower himself down.

[He lowered himself down.]

Avoid passive verbs that slow down the action.
and he would have been lost if he had not had his night vision

A quick example. His auto night vision lit the way. Or was the night vision in his helmet?

Articus overcame the obstacle in his path, which was the element that drove the plot. I'm left with questions, but the story progressed sensibly and logically. Perhaps the details I felt lacking may have made the read overly long.

The story needs editing, but overall a good write, especially considering you're a new member! Keep writing!

Nixie

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243
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Redtowrite. Nixie, here. Welcome to the party.


I'm returning the favor. Review for review.

That title is an attention grabber. It speaks of the living and the dead. They seem like roses as they fade. The thorns pierce us once they're gone. We bleed, but go on.

This is a little difficult for me to review, due to similar circumstances with family members, not as a nurse, though. I'm a cancer survivor. My doctor caught the Ovarian Cancer while still held in both ovaries. I didn't need chemo. I'm not sure I would choose chemo. Yes, it prolongs life, but the treatment is sometimes more for the ones living who don't want to be left behind. Chemo is torturous.

In Pam's situation, she had a lot to live for. Battling cancer and chemo makes sense with so much to lose. Rather then focus on the illness, I'm switching to the relationship that developed in your words.

This reads so much like non-fiction, and the cover art looks like a photo. Yet, it's not marked non-fiction, leaving me with a puzzle. There were so many tender moments, the one I most cherished was the scene of the nurse helping Pam bring the tea cup back to the table in the nurse's lounge.

Lovely alliteration.
I watched a tired tear travel over her cheek

The words following this sentence confused me.
I had to strain to hear what she was saying.

I think letting the reader know Pam was a young woman with children would make more sense as the read progressed. I wasn't sure who was saying what about whom. It's your story, so this is clear in your mind. I can't see your dream world.

Another confusing paragraph following continuing from this sentence.
It was a year ago when I first met her. They were flying

Who is [they]? At times the POV seems to shift. A bit of reordering, or simplifying without so many details might bring the tragedy closer to the reader. What's important in this piece is the relationship between hospital staff and patient. Trying to fit all the pieces in one story confuses. I've done it more than once.

The most endearing sentence *Heart* A clear and tender visual. Precious as porcelain.

Her head was framed by tufts of blonde hair.

I'm not sad saying goodbye to the story and author. I felt part of the scene, more as an observer to the action rather than immersed in the plot. I would want someone to tell me if that were the case. My joy, and as expressed in your bio, is to touch the reader in some way. I bet you can pare this down to the horrible beauty that's transpiring here.


Nixie

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244
244
Review of Interpretation  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi trailerpark!
Welcome to the party! I'm preparing an Easy Indian yellow fish curry

Before I delve in to your flash, I have to point out one error. In the beginning, she's seeing a therapist. On TV, it's a psychiatrist being arrested. A therapist can't prescribe meds, they're not M.D.s If you change the opening line to psychiatrist, you'll be good to go. I would mention the psych's name in the beginning.

What was Emily being treated for? Any M.D. can prescribe sleep meds, if there's no underlying, chronic disorder.

I thought the reason he was arrested was a little bizarre. Nothing indicated he had a motive to do so. I really did see a psychiatrist being arrested on TV. He was accused of taking advantage of a multi-person patient. He lost his license, and it was all a sham. She'd pulled the same trick before.

Since the psych 'skimmed' over her body during her visit, the real life scenario above, shameful as it was, fits better. That's why I mentioned it.

And another question. What about that bizarre situation made Emily decide she wanted to be a psychiatrist? She isn't interested in breaking and entering, is she?

I did figure out one important clue. She'd been dreaming about her psych.

I feel lost here, and I'm sorry. Flash is incredibly difficult to write, trying to get in enough details without going over the 300 w/c limitation.

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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245
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi, Kieran. Nixie, here. Welcome to WdC! *Balloonr*

Welcome to the party! I'm preparing an entree. Lebanese - Spiced Almond Fish with Fattoush. The party is a fun challenge for members who want to review others. You're lucky enough to be an ingredient in my dinner. *Laugh*

You have the beginnings of a precious story here. The set-up of how the two women met was hilarious. Excellent job showing what was happening. A duck was floating away with the bag? *Laugh* And both ended up in the pond. What a lively story that was a fun read.

Take care in varying your sentence structures. Since we already know the girls' names, you don't have to start so many sentences with 'the young brunette'. Scan your eyes down the page, and you'll see what I'm referencing. Then, make sure you don't start all your sentences with their names. *Wink*

We learn as we write, so don't stop. I can tell already you have a good writer's voice and clever ideas in your head. Share them with the community. We take good care of our 'newbies'.

Ask questions, poke around, have fun. Questions? Any member would be happy to assist.

I just took a peek to see if you filled out your bio.

You've traveled here from Scotland? Wow. And you're already writing. I'm impressed.
So English is not your first language? How long have you been studying. Now I understand where you're writing is coming from.

Here's a forum to visit, if you want to.

"Noticing Newbies

*Bigsmile*

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#1300305 by Maryann





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246
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi NorahMae. Stopping by again.

This is the second time I've visited your portfolio. Today, I'm preparing a Lebanese Entree- Spiced Almond Fish with Fattoush

Wow, you definitely know how to express your feelings. Each stanza varies, showing different levels of reasons for concern. It's an awful feeling when a person thinks something has changed, but it's just a feeling, and they fall on us like rain. It's what we do with those feelings that determines an outcome.


Normally, I like to see poems balanced. Lines around the same length, stanzas the same. This poem appealed to me because it seems wild, like your desperation. And each stanza had one super-long line at the end. The specific pattern you were trying to achieve worked. *Smile*

The first moment when I came undone was reading the title. The emotion is so familiar to me (for different reasons) I don't want anyone else to feel this way. That's a lot of feelings. Your poetry is tragic, but easy to follow and understand. The endless questions plaguing you can only be resolved in one way. And, in the last stanza, the realization you knew from the beginning was finalized. All you need is the courage to ask. It's kind of like letting (and this is a much lower level of anxiety, but does demonstrate my point) tasks, rather than emotions pile up until one is overwhelmed. The person is aware the only release comes from conquering those tasks, but is wont to do them.

You have written about this so much; I checked your portfolio, it's time to let it go, one way or another. Why don't you fill out your bio so we know a bit about you?

Keep writing those poems, and one surely will bring an outcome. You'll only have to deal with whatever happens. Your hope, or your fear. Hang tight.

~Nixie *Heartv*

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#1300305 by Maryann





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247
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Hi Seuzz

Welcome to the party! I'm preparing a Japanese Appetizer - Tuna and Sesame Rice Balls


Random reviewing dropped me here, which worked perfectly for me today. I enslaved your words to double-check the components of the short story I'm trying to write. I was able to answer all the questions affirmatively. My plot is a bit more complicated, which is my downfall. We really need two types of conflicts. The protagonist's inner turmoil and an external conflict.

The who wants what and why keeps changing as the story progresses. They way they intend to get it varies, but the simplest way, is what the protagonist fears. Killing him. Both parties are thwarted. The assassin keeps his prey safe while shifting circumstances keep changing the outcome. What quashes the plan? [quashes-good word]
The assassin changes his mind, thwarting everyone's plan, answering only to himself. Too bad he thought he was in love with his target. *Pthb* In 2000 words or less.

Scenes of reaction
The rival companies end up taking each other out. No recourse. They were always sort of a non-issue. The spy is the character with the twist, and he just moves on to his next assignment. To achieve the goal? He enlists a dark-op friend who's supposed to work for the president, but sometimes works off book.

To achieve their goal takes a lot of money, and the spy demands and receives 10 Mil.
Achievement would be a sequel. First thing would be meeting up with friend and devising a plan. Upon accomplishment, our spy can retire.

Thanks to all these questions, I think the plot is nailed down. I'm a little weak on AIDA though. I reach more of an nullity, though not term specific. The story is resting right now. I can refer back to your article when I make the next edit. Unless the last one is done!

I appreciate what you've written here, and again, thanks for the help!


Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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248
248
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Dawn.
Welcome to the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie.


No way. That's what I said when I read the last line. Most times, I read the last line of a poem or short story first. It clues me in as to whether I'll like the topic or the author's voice.

*Snow4*
Can I just cry? I feel like some kind of crazy person, trying to explain to no one who listens why time doesn't exist. Everyone thinks I'm nuts. The thing is, in the present moment, we're already in the past. We have another thought and we're in the future. What I've taken as my own philosophy, is that space is moving, not us. Theoretical physics, although I think space moving has been proved. I missed my calling. If only this mind belonging to me now, had heard the other mind talking to me years and years ago. I would have studied in that field.

Sorry for the aside, but your work brought all of that out of me. As I read, my eyes actually picked up the pattern of the words, an astounding accomplishment for me.

I'm exhausted from frustration that many cling to Einstein, when we really don't understand anything. And why did the world choose Einstein over Carl Jung? Jung understood on an esoteric level that spoke to me. I've read most of his published work. What if we're wrong about the concept of gravity? Oh, I have to stop now, since I'm reviewing, not pontificating.

Wonderful job writing this. In the end, I'm hoping the message was clear to me. I'd be mortified if the point was opposite the argument I proposed, as if in agreement with what I read.


Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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249
249
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Snow *Smile*
Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie


*Snow2*
I've decided the only way I'll learn to write poetry (fingers crossed) is by reading it. Usually, the different forms escape me, or the verses are obtuse and confound me. It's a pleasure to pop over via random review and find a treasure like yours.

*Snow3*
The explanation of a Harrisham rhyme actually made sense, though I wondered about the challenge. And I didn't read the explanation until after I'd read the poem. I easily related, most likely due to the 'grey hair' reference. The joys of aging. The other day I learned eyelashes turn grey and fall out. Eyelashes, what an indignity.

*Snow3*
The solemn mood of this poem took me for a sweet ride through the words. I paused for a while and thought about that last line. What a unique way of expressing a feeling I didn't know was inside me.

*Sun*
In the Desiderata, one of the verses goes like this:
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth

I think of that most every day, but I still am not inclined to surrender. Not to sound vain, but I appear much younger than I am. The years ahead as that boon fades, I'll be sad.

*Snow4*
Excellent job with the concise wording (a skill I'll probably never acquire) and following the structure of the poem. I enjoyed the poem for what it was, forming into it into a mold made it that much more impressive. Thanks for the read. *Smile*

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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250
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Review of Never Look Up  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi Paul. Nixie, here.

Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie


I landed here by clicking through several items, using random review. I stopped when I found yours. Why? The open spacing appealed to me. It's much easier to read, and the story itself flows better. It 'feels' as if something momentous is building.

The title was catchy, the brief description works. It's all good, until the big uh-oh. We have two guys walking (excellent catchy first sentence!) and it sounds mysterious and exciting. But nothing happens.

*Person*
They walk down the street, talking about what will probably be a chancy robbery, with conflict and trouble. It would be more fun to read about that. Dialogue can be sprinkled in along the way. You have a way writing dialogue, that's a strong technique when writing fiction. There's a slight conflict, maybe? The chance they'll be caught? Or is the whole point of the story demonstrating why they can't be seen. It's funny and quirky if that's what you were going for. A bit disappointing.

*Checkg*
I liked the part where they discuss chaos theory. That's more or less part of my overall life theme.

*Idea*
So maybe it boils down to my perception. If you're happy with what you've accomplished. then you're good to go.
*Bigsmile*

Nixie

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