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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nmarshall/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
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1,125 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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226
226
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

cackling flames
crackling

This is a well told story! Your characters are believable and the dialogue is realistic. It flowed nicely...until the end. I read it a couple of times yet still didn't quite get it. Perhaps it is just me but look at it again and see what you think.

I do hope they found what they were searching for in the end. I realize the story wasn't dependant on that detail but I thought of it all the same.

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola
227
227
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

What an inspiring story! It's amazing what love, and a new baby, can achieve.

Being a fiction writer, at first I was thinking, "This isn't consistent with the prompt." Then I realized that non-fiction "characters" are very relevent.

I thank you for sharing your story. It made me smile and left a good feeling in my heart.

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola
228
228
Review of Disease  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

piercing *your essence.
*our

Wow, I didn't see that coming! I read this twice because I was confused a bit the first read through. After the discovery at the end, I reread and it made so much more sense.

The writing comes across in a rush and a sense of urgency. It fits well once all is revealed.

Good work!

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola
229
229
Review of My Only Twin  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

First, leave a space between paragraphs. It makes reading much easier.

I like this. Kana and Linear are interesting characters with an interesting past. You could run with this story once the word count restrictions are lifted. There is much to tell here. Not only the sisters but there is a slight glimpse of Ray and Sam.

Dialogue is great and the hint of the story behind this particular scene kept me interested. Nice work!

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola

230
230
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I really enjoyed this piece! I love fantasy as a rule.

I felt you did the genre well. Language is believable as are your characters.

I really liked the back and forth to the present action and the past action that brought the brothers to this moment. It kept me in the story and kept me informed as to the brothers' relationship.

I also liked how his words, and his father's words, came back to haunt Aelrik in his final moments. Well done!

In one paragraph, you didn't use the right punctuation marks for indentation. My only notice of any mistake.

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola

231
231
Review of Decline  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I feel you have a good premise for your story. There is something going on here that has profoundly affected your character.

However, I also felt that I wanted more detail. I wanted to know more about your character's feelings. More description surrounding the circumstances. This would help your readers identify with you character and have sympathy for him/her.

I think there is so much more to this story. If you're so inclined after the contest, revisit it and play with it. There are some great bones here.

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola
232
232
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hi!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

You have the beginnings of a good story. Readers can easily identify with the loss of a loved one and will feel sympathy for your characters.

However, the words come across as a report. You tell your readers what is happening rather than showing them. Description and action verbs draw readers into a story.

Also, you need to leave a space between paragraphs. This will make it easier for your readers to follow your story.

It just needs some work. Rewrites are a part of a writer's life.*Smile*

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola
233
233
Review of Home Sweet Home  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I always look forward to reading your work, Bill. I love the way you write! You do your craft proud.

“My whole life, Poppa, I’ve always tried to fight for what I loved. I love you.”
I've fussed at other entrants for not elaborating more on the past decision that affects the character's present. In this one simple line, you managed to do that satisfactorily.

Your work flows well, your description is vivid, your dialog is spot on.

I find nothing out of kilter here. Well done!

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola




234
234
Review of Overcome  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This story is powerful and emotional. So many women face the very things you wrote about. I was glad to see a positive outcome.

I liked both your characters. Your dialog was natural and believable. Well done.

Some of your longer paragraphs could be divided up, I think. When I saw them on the page they were a bit overwhelming. See what you think.

Her hand jerked back across the table as he attempted to touch her hand.
You don't need to use the word "hand" twice in one sentence. It's repetitive.

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola

235
235
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

An all-too-common, sad tale. You brought Danny to life by sharing his past and the action he decides to take with the priest. Readers will relate to feelings of hopelessness and the need to stop abuse from happening.

Your characterization and description are very good. Dialog is easy and believable.

You write well. Good work!

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola

236
236
Review of Strays  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Tahnks for entering!

I very much like this story! It is well told and the complicated relationships of not only Jared and his brother, but now the new relationship with his orphaned niece are strong.

Great plot and dialog. I liked and felt for both Jared and Cass.

You doubled up on the contest theme of past affecting present. Jared is dealing with his past and Cass with her own recent past, both of which will affect them.

Well written. I enjoyed reading!

Thanks again for entering and best of luck!

~Nikola
237
237
Review of Zena's Interview  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Big Bad Wolf!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

The idea of this contest is to get a total picture of a character through an interview. Not necessarily what they look like but the gist of the character behind the physical description.

I feel you did this to a degree. You dwell a lot on Zena's sexual preferences and her abuse as a youngster. Yes, I agree it shaped her character as she is in the present. I wish that you had dwelt more on the workings of her career and life on this planet that is unfamiliar to your readers. I was able to envision vague pictures of those things but would liked to have had a clearer picture.

Bring your readers into her world more. This will engage them into your character and make them curious about her and her life in what is a strange place to them (your readers). As a writer, I believe you would also discover more about her than you realized. Characters tend to be forthcoming with details if you let them run wild a bit.

The writing itself is very good. I found nothing out of place there. The interviewer didn't ask a lot of leading questions but prompted Zena to elaborate quite often.

I think that Zena is probably a very interesting individual. She probably has an endless supply of stories to tel. Let her tell them and your readers will want more!*Smile*

Thanks again for entering!
~Nikola
238
238
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This entry begins with a promise of a tale of someone being saved and yet nothing is mentioned again. I'd think that the interview would cover mostly that incident.

I found this a bit unbelievable. A legitimate interview wouldn't cover what Pamela looks like or what her friend looks like either. While it would cover perhaps her hobbies and dreams out of school.

Also be careful, especially with a contest entry, about spelling and punctuation.

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
239
239
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

A very engaging tale! You kept my attention to the end.

The dialog was believable. The interviewer did a great job of asking questions in order to let the subject tell her story.

Deirdre told her story in detail and kept the suspense building nicely.

Nice job!

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
240
240
Review of The Futurist  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is a fun entry! I've never heard of futurists before and have learned something new.

The dialogue is believable. Gunther's skepticism shines through in the interview even though he made his fortune based on Keller's advice. Keller is informative and steadfast in the face of the skeptic.

Well done!

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
241
241
Review of What a Character  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This entry rang true! I used to volunteer with our local police depatment. I had the opportunity to ride with officers and some of the people that went to jail said a lot of the same things as Rolland.

This was nice, fast paced and flowed well. As I said believable.

Nice entry!

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
242
242
Review of Who Am I Really?  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I really enjoyed this piece! It flowed well. The personality of Kate shined wonderfully. I was intrigued by the direction of questioning and the story presented itself nicely.

My one comment is that you leave a space each time you switch between the person talking. It will make this so much easier to read.

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
243
243
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed this item. You really gave your readers a chance to get to know the elderly woman. She is very believable. Love her feisty attitude!

The flow of the interview moved well. Very nice job!

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
244
244
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is a fun entry idea! It makes me wonder if he is crazy or the rest of us are just misinformed.*Laugh* I would have liked to see more of an in-depth interview. You could have gone crazy with Rodger's idea.

Watch your plurals. Some words here should be plural and aren't and vice-versa.

Fun entry!

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
245
245
Review of The Enemy  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is very powerful! You captured the dilemma that our soldiers face everyday once they are back on our shores. It's heartbreaking.

I like that the reader gets to see into the psyches of both the interviewer and interviewee. Both have powerful motivations for their actions. Their exchange is believable.

This is well written. Nice job!

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
246
246
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

An interesting interview. I like the idea of a publisher interviewing characters in a book before making the decision to publish. That might actually be a good tool for writers to use in order to see if their characters are interesting or not.

You do need to watch for spelling errors and punctuation errors. There are quite a few.

Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
247
247
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi!

I am reviewing your entry as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is a very interesting and thought-provoking entry. All we see on the news are the overall stories of the high seas pirates but never that some may well be children.

I like how the interviewer builds the trust of Chapatti. It makes the piece more believable than if the boy easily answered the questions.

Two things: Watch punctuation and you've spelled Chapatti's named differently in a few places.

Other than that, nice job! Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
248
248
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I have to admit, I had a hard time following this story. The thoughts/sentences run together and made it difficult for me to follow.
I do see bits and pieces of it that are good bones for a story. I want to be able to understand the main character's thoughts and ilness.
Give some thought to working on this to make it easier for your readers.

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed the prompt!

~Nikola
249
249
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

Having lost my own father to leukemia, this piece tugged at my heartstrings.

Some things to work on:
Punctuation, especially apostrophes dealing with possessive nouns.
Leave a space between paragraphs. It's easier on your readers' eyes.
When dealing with dialogue, separate it from the rest of the story. Start a new paragraph with each person speaking. When you run it all into the paragraph, it confuses your readers.

With a little work, I think this could be a nice story.

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed the prompt!

~Nikola
250
250
Review of Independence Day  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is a good, solid story! Your imagery brought the scene to life. The dialogue rings true. How many times I've heard women say some of those very things!

I love this: There were no stars tonight; just the man-made kind bursting in unison, their brilliant colors and deafening detonations punctuating the death of my marriage like some cheesy B-movie soundtrack.

I saw nothing out of kilter. Nice job!

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
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