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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nmarshall/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
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1,125 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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251
251
Review of Independence Day  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is a good, solid story! Your imagery brought the scene to life. The dialogue rings true. How many times I've heard women say some of those very things!

I love this: There were no stars tonight; just the man-made kind bursting in unison, their brilliant colors and deafening detonations punctuating the death of my marriage like some cheesy B-movie soundtrack.

I saw nothing out of kilter. Nice job!

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
252
252
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

While a nice piece, I would love to read more. You have some good imagery and the bones of a good story. Expand on this. Show your readers the story of Sandersonville. What is the town like? Describe the fireworks show and the people who are involved. Give your readers characters to care about.

Work with this and I think you'll have a good, solid story.

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
253
253
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

I'm reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I like a story with a happy ending! I thought this was a good take on the prompt.

I'd love to see more imagery here. You do describe Alex well through Kenya's eyes.
You could do more with this story. Let your readers know Alex's story. How did he come to be where he is? Why is he so desperate that he thinks kidnapping is the answer? (He owes money, but how did it get so bad?) I think you could really run with this story and make it really great. Think about it.

Thanks again for entering. Hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
254
254
Review of Homage  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,

I'm reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is an excellant piece! I finished it wanting to hug Murphy!

Your word choice moved the story along nicely and brought it to life. Your imagery is great. Murphy is very believable as are the other characters. I have nothing but good things to say. I found nothing out of kilter.
Well written. Nice job!

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
255
255
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I'm reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

What a fun, feel-good story! I'm a small town gal myself and this brings back memories. I also was reminded of time spent on my grandparent's farm in eastern Colorado.
This was entertaining (I laughed out loud at some of the things Blake came up with!), believable and flowed very nicely.
I found not a thing out of kilter. Well done!

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
256
256
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

I'm reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

What a sweet story! I love the idea of the "fire flowers." And I love discovering what they were as the story unfolded.
My only wish is more details. I would love to read even more about the days with Grammy. I would like to know more about Amy's illness.
This flowed well. The memories kept things moving along nicely. A little more work and I believe this piece will be even more wonderful!

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
257
257
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is a nice story about the price one is willing to pay for love. You bring across Andean's sense of urgency very well. I could feel it.
Even so, I felt the story was rushed a bit. I know you had a word limit to work with but I would have loved to hear more of their history.
I believe that, with some work, this could be a really wonderful piece! Great job!

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
258
258
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is a powerful story! So many of our soldiers come home suffering in ways such as this. You captured his state of mind so vividly.
I once worked at a convenience store on the midnight shift. I had a guy come in some nights who was a Vietnam veteran. He had trouble sleeping and had PTSD. You very well could have described him in this piece.

I found nothing out of kilter here. Very well written!

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
259
259
Review of The Perfect Date  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

I'm reviewing this story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

What a fun piece! I don't know if you are a teen or not, but this captures all the aspects of a teen girl getting ready for a date and her thoughts throughout.

This piece would shine with more details. Bring in what she hears, tastes and smells, etc. This will keep your readers engaged and feeling what your character feels.
Also check your spelling. I noticed a few words spelled incorrectly.

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
260
260
Review of Old Glory  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,

I am reviewing this story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is an amazing story! Well told and strong in imagery. I was drawn in from the beginning and held entranced to the end.
The flashback is very vivid. I was in tears as I thought about what our troops are dealing with overseas as well as those who are now back home.

I saw nothing out of kilter. Excellant work!

Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Nikola
261
261
Review of Phoenix  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This was an interesting story with a nice, feel-good ending. I enjoyed reading about your character's struggle and how she overcame it.

Your story has good bones but you need to work with it a bit more. Some sentences were not clear in their meaning and confused me. Work a little more with dialog too. Some of it was very good/believable, some was very stiff.

I believe with a little tender loving care, this piece will really shine.

Thank you again for entering! I hope you enjoyed it.

~Nikola
262
262
Review of Broken Benches  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! The imagery and emotion in this piece are very strong. Bravo!

I moved from my hometown about 10 years ago and the changes I see whenever I go back are staggering. I barely recognize it now! I tell you this because your poem reminds me of the feelings I experience every time I go back.

To me, poetry should evoke images and emotions. This poem does just that and does it well. Thank you for sharing!

~Nikola

** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **
263
263
Review of Catch Of The Day  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there!

I owe you a review from way back and thought I'd drop by your port.

Good opening papragraph. Anyone who's ever been fishing can relate.

all he had to show for his effort was a numb ass and a handfull of mosquito bites
Love this line!

and he was almost ready just to cut the line when it went slack
This reads kinda off. Perhaps "to just cut the line?"

he was reeled it in
"Was" isn't needed here.

Clarence didn't know what was happening , he considered that it might be some kind of dementia that comes on with old age. He also thought about the look on old Harry's face when he told him about this the next time they faced each other at the chess table.
Place a period where the comma is and begin a new sentence.
The last sentence sounds like past tense. Word it so the reader knows he is think about Harry's face in the future when he tells. him.

The last two paragraphs are excellant!

For a very short story, you covered all the bases. You gave us imagery and a plot that flows well with a few minor exceptions.
Thank you for sharing!

~Nikola
** Image ID #1520592 Unavailable **
264
264
Review of Broken from war  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there!

I owe you a review from way back and thought I'd drop by your port.

All I can say is. "Wow!" I realize that this is part of a chapter and a work in progress but you've done a great job.
You have a very descriptive way of writing and that draws your readers in and keeps them.
While we see the characters in a way, the focus is on Luther's story. And a disturbing story it is! It flows well and leaves nothing to the imagination which works perfectly here.

There are a few spelling errors but being a work in progress, I'm not worried about those at the moment.

You have a wonderful writing style, very realistic and believable. Keep it up!

~Nikola

An elegant quill for my reviews.
265
265
Review of Carved in a tree  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!
I owe you a review from way back and thought I'd visit your port.

First Impression:
From the beginning, the read knows this will be a sweet love story.


Comments:
master piece
One word: masterpiece.

whispered love notes in her ears.
I like this!

"William, Oh William, she cried.
Place quotation marks after the second William.

it seems only yesterday.
The rest of the paragraph is in past tense while "seemes" is present tense. Use "seemed."

When the shadows of dusk fell around her. She walked back to her lonely, empty apartment.
This should be one sentence.

She worked in a pencil factory office. Keeping books.
This should be one sentence.

Their twentieth anniversary arrived. She is not the young girl he married twenty years ago. Time has not been good to her. She walks to the park. The pain in her heart remains. She knows it will never go away. She found the bench. It is still the same bench from times past. She sits and stares. Her eyes are focused on the carving, her mind is on the day the carving was put there.
This entire paragraph reads very choppy. You might want to rework it.

"Do you come here often?" He asked

"No, only once each year, on this date.." She answered.

"That seems odd, why only once a year?" He inquired.

The "he" and "she" shouldn't be capitalized.

her and Williams tree.
William's is possessive here.

Watch you tenses. Sometimes they cross from past to present when they shouldn't.





Character Development:
Your readers get a nice insight into Joann. We know the pain and
suffering she's gone through over time.


Dialogue/Monologue:
Believable. Just pay attention to punctuation and capitalizations.


Plot Structure:
Flows nicely.


What Worked:
The entire storyline flows well. The ending, while I saw it coming,
made for a great read.


What Didn't Work:
Just a few choppy areas.


Overall Impact:
Nice story!

Closing Remarks:
Thanks for sharing your work!
~Nikola

An elegant quill for my reviews.
266
266
Review of The Accused  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there!
I owe you a review from way back and thought I'd stop by your port.

First Impression:
The word "punishment" in the second sentence grabs your reader's interest. Very nice!



Comments:
She felt in defiant mood
Perhaps *a defiant mood?

had argued even but then when he had
I understand what you're saying but it reads a bit off.

Tears filled her eyes and blurred her vision She reached
You need a period between "vision" and "She."

whispered to him. “we are free.”
Place a comma rather than a period after "him."




Character Development:
While there isn't a deep development of character, it isn't really needed in this piece.


Dialogue/Monologue:
Believable.

Plot Structure:
Nice. This story winds around until the ending...in a pleasant manner.


What Worked:
I liked the suspense of knowing how the story would end.


What Didn't Work:
Just the few errors mentioned above.



Closing Remarks:
Thanks for sharing your work!
~Nikola

An elegant quill for my reviews.
267
267
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This review is given by a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is a well written and engaging story.

Your characters are believable. I felt for Charlie while despising the Professor. You obviously know a lot of facts yourself or did a good amount of research.

The story flowed well.

The only flaw I found was "sir name." It is spelled "surname."

I enjoyed this piece. Thanks again for entering!

~Nikola
268
268
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice!

This poem painted a word picture, a vivid one at that! I could easily see the man. It also gave me enough so that I wondered about what brought him to this place in life.

I felt this flowed nicely. Your words choices bring this to life. I saw nothing out of kilter and have nothing but priase for this piece.

Thank you for sharing!
~Nikola
269
269
Rated: E | (5.0)
What fun, Spidey! I scored 12 of 12. Of course I was born in 1963 so I have watched it for all these years.*Laugh*

Good quiz, lots of fun, and well written. Everything was clear, no confusion at all in any question. I love the fact that there was a graphic at the top, it was a pleasant, and nostalgic, surprise.

Thanks for the fun!

~Nikola

** Image ID #1188732 Unavailable **
270
270
Review of For My Soldier  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Emotional Impact:Strong. You have voiced what so many of those close to our soldiers are feeling


Imagery:More than visual imagery, this piece has emotional imagery. I can feel the frustration and lonliness.



Flow:I felt it flowed well.


Closing comments:An excellant poem. Keep up the great work!

~Nikola

** Image ID #1188732 Unavailable **
271
271
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there! This review is given by a judge for "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor .

You've captured the celebratory spirit that comes with such a milestone. I like the visual of members coming together to sing and dance in honor of WDC's birthday.

Nice work! I hope you enjoyed the contest.

~Nikola
272
272
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there! This review is given by a judge for "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor .

What a fun, festive poem! It has a feel of inclusion and an overall capture of what this site is about.

I love the line: A literary passion connects you and me.

Very nice! I hope you enjoyed creating for the contest.

~Nikola
273
273
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there! This reveiw is given by a judge for {;item:1468426}.

This is a nice, celebratory piece. A fun tribute to the site. I like your word choice.

My favorite lines:

In celebration, I offer this bit of wordplay


My literary version of a warm embrace


Nice work! I hope you enjoyed the contest.

~Nikola

274
274
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there! This review is given by a judge for "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor .

What a great poem! You included the celebration of our site's birthday along with the community aspect and, of course, our writing. Your word choice is very nice and your words flowed so smoothly into one another. I honestly cannot choose just one or two lines or stanzas that grabbed my attention. As I said, nice word choices.

Great work! I hope you enjoyed the contest.

~Nikola
275
275
Review of Little Jamey  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!*Smile*



First Impression: I was pulled into the story immediately. Good work!



Comments:

Donna's long graceful limbs seemed to flow across a balance beam like satin sheets blowing in the breeze on a clothesline on a warm Spring day.

Nice!



Character Development: Very real, very believable. I feel so much for your lead character.


Dialogue/Monologue: I love the opening monologue. You engage the reader from the first sentence and gives them time to empathize.


Plot Structure: Good flow, not holes.


What Worked: Emotion, emotion, emotion! I was crying by the end.


What Didn't Work: Nothing to comment about here.


Overall Impact: Powerful!


Closing Remarks: You have a wonderful writing voice. Thanks for sharing it!*Smile*

~Nikola
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