Look out! Choco's Nuts Mwahaha's (purplesunday) Reviews

Look out! Choco's Nuts Mwahaha

Review Requests: OFF

2,157 Public Reviews Given

2,176 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.

I'm good at...

I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.

Favorite Genres

Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.

Least Favorite Genres

Steampunk, sci-fi, fantasy.

Favorite Item Types

Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories. Mysteries. Thrillers.

Least Favorite Item Types

Chapters from the middle of books.

1

Credit this reviewer

#4779486

Review of The Game

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Sumojo

,

This review was written on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" It is also part of "I Write in 2024"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

Oh, wow. This has hooked me good and proper! I am intrigued by these two characters and the game they are playing. The ring is a key part of the story, too, and I want to know what that is about. I wondered whether there had been many players of this game, and that whoever is sitting in the semi-darkness waiting for an opponent is the most recent winner. Which makes me wonder how many times the man with the gravelly voice has won previously. This chapter definitely worked to getting my mind buzzing with questions and ideas.

As you wrote this for the Chapter One Contest, I asked myself whether you have included all of the necessary elements of a first chapter: Have you introduced a plot with a great hook? Yes! Is there an idea of what the story will be? Yes. Have you introduced at least one interesting character? Again, that's a big yes. It really has everything one could ask for in a first chapter.

I hadn't looked at this contest yet this month, but you have inspired me to take a look at the prompt. I'm not sure I could write anything as intriguing as this, though.

Suggestions:

This is a tough because I can't think of any areas for improvement. I guess the only thing I would say is chapters are normally longer than 332 words. So, perhaps you could include a little more of the characters' backgrounds, maybe introduce something of why they find themselves in that dark room playing cards for their lives.

Parting comments:

I enjoyed reading this chapter. I don't know if you're planning on ever writing this as a novel? But, if you do, I would love to read it. Thanks for sharing this, and good luck in the contest!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4778131

Review of Activities entries

for entry "National Punctuation Day"

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Sticky Draconic Vampire saysHH

,

This review was written as part of "I Write in 2024"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

I read this Express It In Eight prompt yesterday, but I couldn't get my head around writing something clever for it. You have done exactly that, though. You have used a lot of different punctuation marks (I would add quotation marks to your list, though).

The last two lines made me laugh out loud! I love your comment about the grammar nazis not agreeing with punctuation not being necessary in poetry. I have been subjected to those very people countless times. I think I've finally accepted that in free verse, it is either all or nothing. I still try to be creative with my use of punctuation, though.

I love the randomness of the first verse. That made me chuckle, too. When the sailor suddenly appears and says, "Oh! I got a big one!" it took a moment for me to realise you said a sailor because you just mentioned a fish. I wondered why it was a sailor at first, but I get it now.

Suggestions:

I would add a in front of fish and plant because it doesn't read naturally as it is. I had to re-read that line a few times to make it flow. I think it also confused me because of the period on the previous line. It felt like it should be a comma. It breaks up the flow a little to have periods in such a short poem. (Although I know you wanted to use them or the prompt. But you have one at the end of the poem.) Anyway, these are minor points. On the whole, I love this poem.

Parting comments:

I really enjoyed reading this. It made me laugh, and it's very clever. You have packed a lot of different punctuation marks into a short poem. Nicely done.

Choconut

Purple Choconut sig. made by Minja, gifted by Leah.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4775598

Review of The birthday virus speaks

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Sticky Draconic Vampire saysHH

,

This review was written for Week 37 of "I Write in 2024"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

This is a light dialogue only story that made me smile as I read it. When I got to the part where the birthday virus said that cupcakes and pies would stop it from talking for a while, I laughed out loud. I think it's safe to say cupcakes and pies would shut me up for a while, too.

When the virus gores into the numerical factors of the number twenty-four, I went a little cross-eyed at first. But, actually, I like that direction to take. It is different from anything else I've read, and it's not something I would have ever thought of. But, then you start to talk about the power of eight in that number, which leads you to spiders. At this point, I was creeped out. But, thankfully, you didn't describe them in too much detail.

I really liked the way this story took me to a place I never expected. When you got to the end, and you mentioned the painting of a swamp, I thought it was a random thing to mention. But, I'm guessing, maybe you've painted this yourself, which is why you thought of it. Whatever. the reason, I liked it.

Suggestions:

I did get a little confused about who was speaking when you (not the virus) mentioned eating the cupcakes and pies. As the virus had just said it would eat them, it confused me that you then said you would eat them. Similarly, with the swamp painting discussion, I found it a little hard to follow again. I had to go back and work out who was saying what. Also, just a minor thing. As this is a dialogue only contest, you don't need to use speech marks.

Parting comments:

This is a fun, enjoyable story. I love where your imagination takes you. It is creative and interesting to read. Nice work!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4775272

Review of Sharif

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Beholden

,

This review was written on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" It is part of "Birthday Port Rally Challenge - Closed"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

This story is really interesting. I love the intrigue as to who Auberon and his men really are and what they are doing on this particular road. I thought they were a group of bandits because you describe them as a 'band of ruffians.' I really like this description.

Now, I have to admit to not having read or seen 'Lawrence Of Arabia' since I was about five, so I could be way off track here. But, I think, maybe, that is who Auberon really is. I know Omar Sharif played him, so it makes sense that this could be about him. That would explain why the man, Husan, refers to him as the "king of kings" at the end.

I really like your descriptions of the desert landscape and the 'simmering' heat. The "baked earth" is a fab description. I could almost feel the way the earth would scorch my bare feet. The heat rising off the ground and the "parched desert" add further to this feeling. You really do an excellent job of making your reader feel as though they are in the story by making the landscape a character of its own. That's clever.

Suggestions:

Only one (picky) thing: "The larger objects were dead camels, sprawled in weird attitudes amongst the corpses." I'm sure this is my lack of knowledge, but the camels lying in "sprawled attitudes" didn't really make sense to me.

Parting comments:

Do you know what I loved the most about this? The way it reminded me of my dad. He loved this kind of film, and I could imagine cuddling up to him as a child and watching the story unfold. So, thank you. That's a wonderful memory.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4774224

Review of Thunderstorms In Spring

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi 🕸️intuey's Spider Web

,

This review was written on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" It is part of "Birthday Port Rally Challenge - Closed" .

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

This is a really powerful poem. I love the way you use sounds to put your reader in the middle of all the noise and crashing thunder. I could almost feel the force of the tremors this storm was creating. (It was helped by the fact that we just had a huge thunderstorm outside.) But you don't just describe the roar of the thunder, you also include sirens sounding and car horns blaring. All of this turmoil is taking place, I think, reflecting the inner thoughts of someone who has lost their way.

I love the way you show the calm of the land after this violent storm. And then, the "golden orb" shines brightly, and you hold onto it, knowing it will pull you out of the darkness. When a mockingbird sounds in the last verse, I thought it was brilliant. A sign of peace and new beginnings.

I love the imagery you use in this poem. The way you work through a dark place, and are pulled out of it by listening to God is very positive. The rainbow that you see in this verse is the perfect symbol of hope.

Suggestions:

The only place I wasn't sure about was the motorcycle's revving engine. I'm sure it is entirely on me, but I couldn't figure out what it represents.

Parting comments:

This poem is very clever. I love the imagery you have used throughout, of the exterior hurricane as it arrives and wreaks devastation on the land, compared to the interior hurricane of losing faith and coming back to it to find peace. Great work!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773812

Review of My Tabby Tiger

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi H❀pe

,

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked

What a charming poem! I was drawn to this poem because of the cute picture you have used as the cover. Your kitty looks like such a cutie. (Albeit, a killer. But a cute one.) Is his name 'Tiger'?

I like the abcb, defe, etc. rhyme scheme in the poem. It makes it read fluidly and smoothly. The rhythm is really good for the most part.

The story this poem tells is my favourite part of it. I love how cute your kitty is, whilst at the same time, you are telling us how he is a natural born killer, catching butterflies and mice. Even rabbits. (Although, I did wonder if the bunny was only in his dreams, and not in reality.) My friend lives on the edge of some woods, and one of her cats was prolific in the hunting world. He often brought mice and other small animals into her house. I guess the temptation was too great for him, living where he did!

Suggestions

I guess the third verse is the one where the rhythm doesn't work quite as well. While I think the words are funny, they just feel a little off. I think it is "butterflies." The stresses of the word aren't quite right. But that is me being picky.

Parting Comments

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is a great tribute to your kitty, who, I have to say, is absolutely beautiful. Great work.

Happy account anniversary!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773811

Review of The Ghost Of Me

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Spookifish 👻

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember, these are purely my own opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked

Wow. How have I never read this poem before? It is so haunting. As I first read it, I was wondering who the woman on the riverbank was. I thought it would be the ghost of someone who had died (which, arguably, it is). I should have taken note of the title of the poem because the woman was the ghost of you. That's deep. What a fab idea. It's clever, unique and creative.

I love your description of the water that is "black as coal" and "almost as still as ice." It's very evocative of that cold, dreary morning when the ghost of yourself sits waiting to take over you. My God, I've seen that ghost of myself a time or two, and it's always quite jarring. You describe it so beautifully, Jenny.

This poem kind of makes me shiver. This part, in particular: "And from her lips a whisper came / A truth I could not hear." I wonder what your ghost was trying to tell you. The fact that you couldn't hear it is interesting. Perhaps, a nod to the fact that we are generally pretty rubbish at heeding warnings from those who know better. Or, maybe, that's just me.

You have written this poem in common measure, and from what I can tell, you have stuck to this form perfectly. The rhymes are all wonderful, and the overall rhythm of the poem is great. The same for the pacing. It's spot on.

Suggestions

It's hard to find any way of improving this poem. I think it's fab as it is. I guess the only place I wasn't completely sure about was the end. When you said the ghost of you was waiting to take your place, I was surprised because I'd thought the ghost of you was who you had been, not who you would become. It's not a big deal because it works either way, or both ways.

Parting Comments

This is a great poem. I really love the imagery you have used. It is an intriguing poem that has left me with some questions I know will stay with me for a while. Great work.

Thanks for sharing, and happy account anniversary month!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773807

Review of Charlie Chaplin Chews Chocolate Chutney

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi ♥OctOGRE tHiNg♥

,

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

This review is in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

. Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked

I was looking through your port for something I haven't reviewed before, and this title jumped out at me. How could I possibly ignore it? I had to take a look. This is possibly my favourite title I've ever seen. The thought of chocolate chutney ... well. If that were a thing, I'd buy it by the palette!

I love the inclusive contest you have here. Alliteration is something I love. My brain has a habit of automatically trying to make things rhyme or begin with the same letters. That said, I struggle with trying to write it. I'm definitely going to try to think of something for this challenge, though. I had a good laugh reading through some of your previous entries.

I just have to say a word about the merit badges you offer as prizes. They are all super cool. You really are offering great incentives for us to write something catchy and humorous.

Suggestions

I guess I just have a question, rather than a suggestion. I know we can only be entered once into the merit badge drawing. You state that. But, can we post more than one entry? You know, if we are super-inspired? (Not that I see it happening for me, but, it's just a question).

Parting Comments

This is a fab activity with an amazing name. I really love that, and think it's a great draw to anyone looking in your port.

Happy anniversary month, tHiNg!

Choconut

9

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773804

Review of Transformation!

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Bodhisattwa Parekh

,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

What a delightful little poem. I really like this. It may be only a few lines, but they say so much about you and what is important to you. I wonder whether you still paint with brushes, just for relaxation, maybe?

I love how you compare the art of painting with the art of creating stories. Words verses pictures. I love it. I've always considered myself as completely lacking in creativity. But, then, someone said to me that that's not true because I create with words. And that is just what you are saying in this poem. I love it.

I really love that notion that words are art. This little poem has such a feel-good feeling.

Suggestions: Just a minor point. You begin two consecutive sentences with the word "But." I would simply take out the second one, so leave the lines as, "But, not through my brush / Through my pens." I think that works better.

Parting comments: I really like this little poem. I think you have painted a beautiful picture of writing as an art form. I am interested to know whether you still paint, though.

Thanks for sharing this poem.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773802

Review of Awake At Night

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi yojina

,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" . It is part of "a very Wodehouse challenge"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

I really like the contemplative nature of this poem. It's a great representation of the kinds of thoughts that run through our minds when we're lying in bed, wide awake, unable to sleep. Everything becomes bigger than it is during daylight hours. We worry about everything, wonder what is the point of everything. I like that you end by wondering about that everlasting slumber. I could relate to the poem a lot.

The beginning of this poem is great, where you describe time slowing down and your mind starting to "twist with unease." It's such a good description.

Suggestions: A couple of things. The second line has a period that shouldn't be there: "Time dragging its feet, slowly. As my mind twists with unease." By having this period, it makes two sentence fragments that don't make sense on their own. If you take it out, it makes perfect sense. The third line is the same. I would take out that period, also. The other thing is here: "Every night sleep avoids me in the dark." Evades is, I think, the word you were looking for.

Parting comments: This is a well-written poem with some thoughts and feelings that, I'm sure, everyone will have experienced at some point. Nice work.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773235

Review of Where, oh where?

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Joy Marsh

,

I am reviewing your flash fiction, "Where, oh where? " , on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" . The review is part of "a very Wodehouse challenge"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

You have a natural writing style that draws your reader into the story world and makes us want to know what happens to your characters. Now, I have to admit, I don't know the song 'Last Kiss' at all, but having read your story, I had to find it on YouTube, and then get the lyrics. Your story is a great response to that song.

Your character of the old man is what I love the most about this. You write him with compassion and attention to detail. For example, this sentence is wonderful: "Climbing up the steps of their creaking, old staircase, he clutches the arm rail a little tighter than he would've a few years back." It shows how the man is elderly, but the way the staircase is creaking at the same time really reflects the man's age.

The wife in this story seems very understanding. I'm not sure I could be quite so kind if my husband were obsessing over a lost love and writing her hundreds of letters. Okay, so she is deceased, so there's no danger of a physical affair, but this man's love seems to be bordering on obsession.

Suggestions: I did get a little confused when you introduced the current wife. After spending a couple of paragraphs detailing the life and death of his first love, you then switched into, "Sweetheart, Daryl and Julia are coming for dinner." You didn't give any dialogue tags to say who this woman was who was speaking, and I thought maybe his first love hadn't died, after all. It is explained a little later, but this brought me out of the story momentarily.

Parting comments: This is a really well-written story with lots of heart at its core. You did a great job with writing the old man's character, and it is clear you put a lot of thought into it. Great work!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773225

Review of Castle's Chessboard

for entry "WDC Birthday Blog"

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi KingsSideCastle

,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" . It is written for Week 35 of "I Write in 2024"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

It is always fun to read the thoughts of other members on this writing site. The interesting thing for me is that, no matter how many people's accounts I read, the thing that stands out to them is the wonderful, welcoming community of writers we have. And your thoughts echo this. You say you have grown and developed as a writer, in part, thanks to this website and its many users. I couldn't agree more. I never stop learning about writing, thanks to the people who give their time to this site.

I couldn't believe you've been here for seventeen years. That's such a long time! I imagine you've seen a number of different people come and go, and I guess you've been there at the start of some of the site's big traditions, like The Quill Awards. It is interesting that you first signed up to read interactive stories. It sounds like, maybe, there were more of those in the early days of the site. Or, maybe, I just don't look for them all that much now.

I would love to know if you have ever run a contest or activity on here. Purely because I love to get feedback on the things that work for different people. I must look in your port to check that out.

Suggestions: I guess the only thing I'm left wondering is how much change you have seen since you joined seventeen years ago. I guess a lot has changed, in part, because of the massive strides the internet has taken since then. But it would be good to get your thoughts on how much WDC has changed.

Parting comments: I enjoyed reading this blog entry. It was great to get to know you a little better, and to get your thoughts on Writing.com. Thanks for sharing this.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4770653

Review of The cracked lamp

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Sumojo

,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" . It is written for week 34 of "I Write in 2024" .

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

Wow. This shot story really hit home for me. You have portrayed a woman who has been abused by her husband. He has left her lying in a heap. But, deep within, she has a strength he could never have dreamed of, and she decides to leave. I wonder what the backstory to this is. Is this the first time he has hit her? She does seem quite shocked by it, as though it might have been the first time. But, at the same time, it doesn't matter how much you're expecting it, the assault still comes as a surprise. So I'm not sure. It doesn't happen all that often that women successfully leave their partners the first time they experience violence.

I love the metaphor of the broken lamp. It has been broken in this attack, but it still works. It still has a light in it that glows and will not be broken. Just as this woman has.And the fact that she will fix the lamp and glue it back together is fab. She will keep this reminder that, although she is broken right now, she will heal and her scars will fade. She has made the positive decision to reclaim her life, and I love that.

You don't show us the partner in this story. You only show us his actions through the woman's eyes. He is not there at the point in which this story takes place. That is such a strong message that he is unimportant. We don't need to get to know him. He doesn't matter.

Suggestions:

I am guessing you wrote this for a contest with a strict word limit. As such, you have contained a lot in this little vignette. However, it would be nice to see more of this woman's journey of recovery. Maybe, give a little background as well. But, as I said, I'm guessing you had a word restriction.

Parting comments:

This is a powerful piece of writing. I don't know whether you have any personal experience of domestic abuse, but this definitely sounded as though you know what you're talking about.

Thank you for sharing this.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4769540

Review of Pocket Size Stories

for entry "Hopeless"

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Anarchist Angel 🏴

,

Thank you for entering your poem, "Hopeless"

, into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Look out! Choco's Nuts Mwahaha, one of the contest judges for the July round.

This review was written on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

This is a powerful poem. The theme of depression, of feeling stuck and burned out from relationships that have not worked out, is really strong. I could relate to every line that you have written. Your voice is clear, and it makes the narration all-the-more poignant.

I like your use of end-of-line rhymes. The scheme is aabb, ccdd, etc. You have successfully employed this rhyme, and it gives the poem a great pace. It keeps the narration moving, rather than letting your readers dwell too long on each section. The couplets are a good way to achieve this.

I love your description of, "A heart stuffed with foolishness." That resonates a lot with me. Who hasn't felt that about themselves at some point?

Suggestions:

The main places I would try to rework are all areas to make the rhythm a little smoother. I appreciate there is no set meter, but it would still be good if the lines felt more even. You could make a big difference by taking out a few words here and there. "Good, bad, right, wrong, love burned down to dust / Losing my soul in a maze of ashen mistrust." If you took out the words I have suggested here, it would read more smoothly. It would also bring out the alliteration of "maze" and"mistrust." Similarly, "I venture out,ward to look for something alive." If you changed this as per my suggestion, it would make this section smoother as well.

Parting comments:

If this is written from personal experience (which it certainly reads as though it is), I just want to say that your mind appears to be anything but weak. A weak mind wouldn't be able to express so eloquently the depths of depression. I think this poem is a great reflection of the inner turmoil of feeling hopeless. You know your own patterns of behaviour, but feel powerless to change them. But you aren't powerless, though. Just writing about them is power, in itself.

Thank you for sharing this poem. Great work!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4769538

Review of Pizza Sauce On My Keyboard

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi HDC

,

Thank you for entering your poem, "Pizza Sauce On My Keyboard "

, into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Look out! Choco's Nuts Mwahaha, one of the contest judges for the July round.

This review was written on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

Well. I can honestly say I've never read a poem like this before. It is all about dropping pizza sauce on your keyboard and getting a sticky e. That made me chuckle because it sounded like it could have been from personal experience. I had a similar problem, only mine was with hot chocolate.

I like your use of rhyme in this poem. In the first verse, it is abcbdb, and in the second verse, all of the lines have an end-of-line rhyme. This gives the poem a great pace. So, although the lines are of varying lengths, the poem is a smooth read.

Your humour made me laugh. The, "Copyright infringement on Star Trek for sure" made me chuckle. Then, the way the e key gets stuck and keeps typing, "eeeeeeeeeeeeee" made me laugh. I also love how you tell the story of how you didn't buy any accident cover for your computer, so you were in trouble when you dripped the pizza sauce. I wonder if you changed your philosophy on buying "peace of mind" after this?

Suggestions:

This is a minor niggle, but I want to mention it. Your use of three commas after "Oops" confused me. Through the rest of the poem, you have been consistent in your use of punctuation, but three commas don't make sense. Unless your comma key is sticking too.

Parting comments:

This is an enjoyable poem. I like your humour, and, as I mentioned above, I could relate to this via my hot chocolate moment.

Thank you for sharing your poem.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4769537

Review of Our Way Back Home

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi MJones

,

Thank you for entering your poem, "Our Way Back Home"

, into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Look out! Choco's Nuts Mwahaha, one of the contest judges for the July round.

This review was written on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

This is a powerful poem I've read it over and over, trying to let all of the words really sink in. At first glance, it may look like a simple, short poem, but when you read it, it achieves an awful lot.

This poem works on two levels, for me. Firstly, on a personal level. If we live our own lives according to these core values of love, compassion, gratitude and courage, then they enrich our souls and improve our lives. Then, on the other level, by living with these values embedded in us, we affect the outer world, those who meet us and have dealings with us. And if everyone can do this, the world would be a much better place. At least, that is what I have taken from this. (As I mentioned above, this is a poem that you need to read more than once to fully appreciate.)

I love that you refer to these four life choices as beacons because that is just what they are. They make the world a lighter place, and that is so very much needed right now. Too many people seem to want to argue with and hate anyone who is at all different from themselves. Compassion and understanding seem to have disappeared from our streets. (I live in the UK, and I'm thinking very much of the riots taking place over here at the moment.) I really admire the way you have suggested we all need to remember these values to get back to ourselves, back to the places we came from. I really like that.

Suggestions:

If I had written this, I might have played with the form a little more. So, for example:

"Love
dreams
of dispersing the angry clouds of hatred"

It's just a small change, but it would emphasise the words "love" and "dreams" so that they are both of importance, and you wouldn't need to capitalise the word "love" then. I would make this change in all of the first four verses.

Parting comments:

I really like this poem. I hope a lot of people read it because it is a message we could all use right now. Thank you for sharing.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4769535

Review of The Curse of Darkness

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi ElaraFox101

,

Thank you for entering your poem, "The Curse of Darkness"

, into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Look out! Choco's Nuts Mwahaha, one of the contest judges for the July round.

This review was written on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

This poem is a good description of the fog and darkness that can cloud our minds and our vision. You discuss the outside forces, using metaphors of dreary trees and smeary windows, which I really like. The "angry wisps of moths spawn" is an interesting description, and I can honestly say I've not come across it before.

This poem is like a slow awakening of yourself. As the verses move along, you seem to really acknowledge that the darkness is actually inside you, not outside, and that with that knowledge, you can change your world by shaking off the darkness.

I like your use of an abab, cdcd, etc. rhyme scheme. (Although, it took me a couple of reads before I actually noticed it was there.) This is my favourite line: "Hope is a fire." This image of hope burning brightly, of hope as being key to overcoming darkness, really works for me. Love it.

Suggestions:

I had a problem with the point of view in this poem. You seem to be both addressing a third party, and also addressing yourself. This changes constantly throughout the poem, and it meant I kept being thrown off course because I just didn't know who you had intended the narrator to be. This is an example of what I mean: "Your senses are jumbled in a mess, / Oh, sun, won't you become mine?" This switch from 2nd Person point of view to 1st Person is quite jarring.

Parting comments:

This is a great poem, and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4767526

Review of Grunge Controls Fire

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Sumojo

,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" It is written for Week 31 of "I Write in 2024" .

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

Can I say everything? Because that is the truth. As I first read this, I found myself making notes of just about everything because I wanted to remember all the parts I laughed at. But there were too many of them. I couldn't possibly mention them all. I'll start with the language. As soon as Grunge said, "Tree hot." I was picturing the whole scene. I was in the head of a caveman, and it was wonderful! Very funny. I love the way all three of them speak, but Grunge is the most caveman-like. He's fab.

Your reference to Ag having drunk some magic water made me laugh out loud. I would like to think cavemen had their own kind of moonshine to keep them entertained. I like the way Ag says he won't go near the drink again. Who hasn't been there before?

Zog intrigued me. He seems to be slightly revered by the other two characters. The way they take the fire to him, and when he thinks it is a good thing, they do, too. Although, he does go on to say that Grunge s his hero because he found the fire and captured it to take it to Zog. And Grunge is the person who names it Fire. Maybe, Grunge's position will be elevated after this.

Suggestions:

In the first half of this, Grunge refers to the sun as the "burning ball" in the sky. It is primitive, so they don't have a name for it. However, later in the story, Zog does refer to it as the sun, and he also mentions the moon. I would have thought if one of them had a name for it, they all would. Also, Grunge mentions a, "spear of light that made Egga dead." I like that image. I'm just not sure these people would have had concept of/name for the word dead. But these are minor points, and they don't detract from how much I enjoyed this story.

Parting comments:

This was a most enjoyable read. I am still smiling, just thinking about some of your descriptions. Brilliant!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4766103

Review of I Write In 2019 and 2024 to....

for entry "Life's Pursuit "

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson

,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" . It is written for Week 30 of "I Write in 2024" .

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked:

I like the simplicity of this poem. It reads as someone who is just thinking out loud. It sounds as though it comes from a place of wisdom. It sounds as though it is someone imparting advice on another. Going off on a bit of a tangent, it made me think of the song, '(Everybody's Free To Wear) Sunscreen' by Baz Luhrman. It has that same feeling of encouragement, and it is really nice to read.

I love the message of your poem. The idea that we are all born to be the best versions of ourselves that we can. It is good to stretch and grow. The only way to achieve growth is to push ourselves, to partake in adventures and pursuits that push us outside of our comfort zones. In doing this, we will encourage those who come after us to do the same. Full circle. I like that.

Your prompt for this poem was the word 'pursuits,' and you have taken that and made it your own. I really like the positivity you've given the prompt by focussing on the act of pursuing as well as the pursuits themselves.

Suggestions:

I wasn't sure about the semicolon in the line, "To stretch; to grow." It didn't seem to fit. Also, this is the only piece of punctuation you have used. I appreciate this is free verse poetry, but there are still (fairly loose) rules. One is that either use punctuation as it is used in prose, or don't use it at all. I would take out the punctuation because that makes it one long sentence, one long thought. That is how it sounds already, and this would really strengthen that.

Parting comments:

This is a most enjoyable poem. It is powerful and positive and a joy to read. Thank you for sharing.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4765618

Review of Writing.Com 101

for entry "Merit Badges and Achievements"

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi ,

This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us!

Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I Liked

This really is everything we could want to know about merit badges. The information is clear and informative, as well as interesting. For fairly new members of the website who read this page, I imagine this will really get their juices flowing.

Let's face it: Merit Badges rule. There's not a person on this site who doesn't love to receive one of them in their inbox. I like how you explain everything, from what a merit badge is, to their virtual and physical manifestations, and also how we create them. And that really is fun. The thrill when we receive an email with a proposed design for our very own badges. It is so exciting. I like that you give a link to the form for creating a merit badge. That's very useful.

Giving out merit badges is as much fun as receiving them. You give clear instructions of how to do this, including how to view the member's checklist for badges they already have. And you also have a (relatively) new section on Achievement badges. The buzz around this site when they first went live was huge. So I like that you tell us how to find them.

Suggestions for Improvement

The only thing I might change is the section about getting bulk orders when you live in theUK. I only say this because BREXIT has messed everything up in terms of international shipping. I remember a year or so ago I ordered a bunch of badges together, and you couldn't send them because of the new rules. So I would maybe note that on this page. Unless things have changed. If they have, please let me know, and I will put in another bulk order.

Parting Comments

This is an informative document that provides lots of tips about merit badges. A very handy guide.

Thank you for sharing your work. I enjoyed reading this.

Choconut

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4765612

Review of Fly On A Wall Short Stories

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Itchybarn

,

This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us!

Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I Liked

These conversations have been a great tonic for me on this grey, dreary summer's morning. They are all funny, and actually, really good examples of the kinds of things a fly on the wall might hear. I like that concept. These are merely snippets of conversations, as understood by a fly.

I like that you carry two of the conversations through to second conversations. The one with the guy and the tree made me laugh out loud when he asked his neighbour to help him lift the tree off of his car. That was very funny.

I like the aliens' conversation. "We call that one Human KW-810576" is my favourite line of the whole piece. Although, Charlotte and her gummy bears was really funny, too. I think I would have been on Charlotte's side. Gummy bears are way better than cheese.

Suggestions for Improvement

Just one thing. Generally, when using speech tags, it is better to stick to "said" because it is clear and uncomplicated. By using words like "he thought" and "he wondered" it isn't clear whether the speaker is actually speaking, or just thinking (which is what these words imply).

Parting Comments

This is a very funny, enjoyable selection of conversations. I really like your sense of humour, as well as your creativity.

Thank you for sharing your work. I enjoyed reading this.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4765408

Review of Promoting Your Portfolio URL

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi The ScaryMaster

,

This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us!

Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I Liked

I love that you have taken the time to help Writing.com members to promote their work. The six tips you have are all really good ideas, and they have got me thinking about what I could do. My close family and friends are aware of the website, and of how much I love it, but I've never given them a link to my portfolio. Isn't that crazy? I don't know why I've never thought of it.

Okay, I'll be honest here. I didn't know how to link my portfolio's URL. I've been a member for nine years, and I didn't know how to do that. I guess I've always printed whatever I want my loved ones to read. But knowing the URL is super helpful. I will start adding to my emails from my home gmail account.

I also like the idea of including my URL on business cards. I could 'get myself out there' so much more than I currently do.

Suggestions for Improvement

Only a tiny niggle. You begin this letter by saying, "Another one ..." I am guessing this letter is part of a series of tips letters, and that is why you say it. But for people who read this on its own, this isn't another question you are answering. Just "a question."

Parting Comments

This is a helpful, informative letter. It has some great ideas for getting yourself noticed, along with advertising this fabulous website.

Thank you for sharing your work. I enjoyed reading this.

Choconut

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4765163

Review of White Case Memorial

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi iKïyå§ama

,

This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us!

Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I Liked

I clicked on your portfolio, looking for something to review, and my eyes landed on this forum. I have looked at it, and participated in it, previously, and I know it is a valuable service for all members of Writing.com.

The first thing that stands out is the visual appeal. I love the sketch of an angel with books and a quill. It is perfect for a memorial for members of this site. The simple blue writing is effective in creating the slightly sombre tone. And those animated birds flapping their wings are just great.

I like that you introduce the forum by stating how it originated, and by whom. I've not encountered Stomper before. I wonder if they are still with us. The instructions you give are minimal, and that is all we need. By scrolling down, we can see memorials to many of the members who are no longer with us. And they are really moving. The forum itself serves as a place where we can all remember our friends. I love how many people post memories and love for their online friends. This is, for many, the first place to come when we learn about a loss. It helps to have somewhere to remember them.

Suggestions for Improvement

I wonder if it would work for you to have a dropnote in the introduction, stating what we need to do when we learn that someone has died? The documents we need to get, and who to send them to? Just a thought.

Parting Comments

This is such an important part of Writing.com. I think people who aren't members of this website might not understand the strength of some of our friendships. It affects us when we lose people we care about. So, thank you. Thank you for memorialising the fellow writers we have loved and lost.

Choconut

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4765157

Review of Hospice: It Saved Our Lives

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Sophyween

,

This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us!

Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I Liked

It's super hard to review personal items like this one, and normally, I don't think I would. But, when I saw the title, I took a look, and once I started to read, I couldn't stop. And then, when I reached the end, I couldn't move on without sending you something. So here are my thoughts.

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. I appreciate you lost your father over twenty years ago, but the pain never goes away, does it? It is always there, accompanying you in your everyday life. I lost my father in 2007, and I still miss him and think of him every day. He, too, died at home after a couple of years fighting cancer. But, onto this item. Your writing is beautiful. As well as the nurses and hospice care your father received being loving and caring; so are your words. You write with warmth and love, and you remind us that, even in the toughest of times, we can find moments of love and moments of care. It is such an important message, but it's often hard to hold onto when we are in the midst of the illness.

I wonder whether hospice care is still the same today as it was when your father passed away? I know, in the UK, one of the biggest issues is money. That sounds awful when we are discussing the end of someone's life, but the care that was free when my father received it might not be so for everyone today. And that is so wrong. So I wonder how the care in the US is today. (My husband is American, and we are constantly contemplating moving to the US.)

I hope the loss of your father is more bearable today. I know it's a cliche, but time really does help to ease the pain. I hope that is the case for you.

Suggestions for Improvement

How can I possibly tell you this piece piece isn't right? I would never want to change something so personal. I guess, the only think I can add is that I would love to know more about the care you and your family received after your father died. Was there any kind of aftercare service for you, like grief counselling, or something?

Parting Comments

This is a powerful, moving piece of writing. It was interesting to read about your experiences with your father's hospice care because I could relate a lot of it to my own father's care. Thank you for sharing this personal essay. I appreciate you.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4765145

Review of Shakespeare --How Well Do You Remember?

Review by Look out! Choco...

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Joy-the Harpy Witch

,

This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us!

Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I Liked

Let me start by saying that I was one of those weird kids at school who loved to read Shakespeare. So much so that when I went to university, I chose a whole term of Shakespeare study. Going to see some of his plays in Stratford Upon Avon was such a treat for me. So when I was poking around your portfolio and I found this quiz, I was excited to take it. And I got all of the questions right!

This was so much fun to have a go at. I wasn't sure about Dr Pinch, I admit. I have never read 'A Comedy of Errors,' and I only saw it one time when my school put on a production. So I wasn't entirely sure about that one. But it was good to get the choices because I could rule the others out.

I notice as I'm writing this review that there is one question that is different from the ones I answered. That's odd. I didn't know we could do that with quizzes on here. I like the idea of having rotating questions.

Suggestions for Improvement

I see that there are entries on the overall scoreboard where people have got 8 out of 8, but there are only five questions in the quiz now. I wonder what happened to the others? It would be good to have a few more questions to sink our teeth into. I would have loved to see a 'Richard III' question as that is my favourite Shakespeare play.

Parting Comments

I have loved revisiting some of the big guy's plays through this quiz. You have made me want to read something of his and watch a good Kenneth Branagh production. What a treat this quiz is.

Thank you for sharing your work. I enjoyed reading this.

Choconut