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1,332 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.
Favorite Genres
Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.
Least Favorite Genres
Steampunk, sci-if.
Favorite Item Types
Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Chapters from the middle of books.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi amy-Here With Silver Bells On

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I am reviewing this as per your request.

The first thing to say is I think this is a really good welcome post as it is. There is little I would offer to change it. However, these are the few suggestions I have:

*Starv* I know you say, "Transitions will include any new programs you are introducing to your community." But, I would maybe give a definition of transitions and what they mean in this context at the beginning.

*Starv* "There will be daily posts you will be encouraged to respond to." I would try to reword this to something like, "I will post discussion topics daily in which you will be asked to participate." As you continue to use the word encourage in the next sentence, I would try to change it like this.

*Starv* "Talking promotes growth and support." This, along with the preceding sentence, is quite short. It kind of stands out with the two sentences next to each other. You could change this up a little by adding, "I firmly believe," to the beginning of this sentence.

*Starv* My last suggestion is for the punctuation in these two sentences: "I don’t like a lot of rules. So, Transition to Success will only have one rule. Comments that ..." The punctuation isn't wrong as it is, but I think it would flow better if you wrote it like this: "I don't like a lot of rules, so Transition to Success will have only one rule: comments ..."

That's it. I really think this sounds like an interesting group. I hope my suggestions are helpful, but I really don't think it needs much change.

Good luck with the group!

Rachel


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2
2
for entry "The Great Oz" 
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Escape Artist

I am reviewing this chapter—'The Great Oz'— as part of the "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . This is your second Hazelnut Praline Review.

Please remember these opinions are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

Plot: Wow. Another fantastic chapter, JJ. You show your readers there is some kind of war about to happen. A war like the world has never seen before, and with an enemy it has never fought before. Sam is the old soldier tasked with heading up the Special Ops crew. It's interesting how General Kohl wants to use Sam (who is middle-aged, out-of-shape, and has a prosthetic leg) and his old crew who are equally old and out of the habit of fighting. There must be something special about them. I wonder what they have done in the past. It occurred to me that in the previous chapter Merci described her encounter with a Special Ops crew. In that meeting, she and her uncle weren't allowed to sail any nearer to a specific island. I wonder if that was the island where the alien-technology space crafts, sea vessels, and other vehicles were being crafted. With the emphasis being on the alien technology. Is that connected to Merci's visions? Or am I barking up the wrong tree completely? So many questions!

Characterization: Your introduction to General Kohl is wonderful. In particular, this part: "his presence preceded by a shiver of energy that radiated through your nervous system like a sudden tap on the shoulder." It tells us how charismatic and important this man is. Sam appears to be both irritated by and in awe of the general. He cannot say no to his mission. The general's slight hesitation and small worry lines give way just how big and dangerous the mission is. There's never any question whether Sam will accept, even though he doesn't understand why the general chose him. Here is another great description that shows the tension between these two men. It's speaking of the general's tumbler: "Sam refilled it, then set the bottle down like a Tombstone barkeep waiting for a two-dollar gold piece." I adore that! Just, love it!

I really like the diary entry Sam wrote after the incident in Bosnia in which his bomb didn't go off at the right time, resulting in innocent children being killed. It shows how affected Sam is by his past. It helps the reader to understand why he drinks so much and is so grumpy. It also explains how he lost his leg, which is a great nugget of information. This line, which comes from the diary entry, is chilling: "In the business of death, conscience is a killer." It's a wonderful insight into the minds of Sam and his team.

Grammatical Errors: Just a few. I've put them in a dropnote.
Grammar Suggestions ▼

Flow of the Chapter/ Story: As always, you move logically and seamlessly through the chapter. Beginning with Sam awaiting General Kohl (following on nicely from the last chapter about Sam), then we meet the Great Oz: General Kohl. He drops his bombshell, creating more intrigue and mystery, and we see Sam trying to figure out what it's all about whilst preparing to go into battle. I love the confusion. I love the teases you throw us, like this description of the enemy: "The devil is coming, Sam, and he's bringing his most loyal and dangerous minions. Seeing the face of our new evil, and knowing where he comes from is going to put a stain on your khakis." That is fabulous! There's no way your readers will not want to read on after this. (Actually, that is probably true right from the first chapter. This line, though, is just brilliant!)

Setting: It's no secret that I love your descriptions. Every time I read something of yours, I feel pulled into the world of your writing. Everything is so vivid. It's a delight to read. This description, from the beginning, is an example of what I mean: "Sam gazed out at the glittering oasis of lights six miles away, a place shrouded in secrecy and made famous by conspiracy theorists." That "glittering oasis" is perfect. Seriously.

Content of the Chapter: The content is perfect. It's the right length and you move the plot forward at a good pace. The only thing I have a query with is the chapter title. I understand why you named it "The Great Oz" because it is our introduction to General Kohl, and I think he will be important in the novel. He is also behind the events which are about to take place. So, yes. I guess it makes sense. But, to me, this chapter is more about the team. It's about work Sam has done with the new technologies, and it's about ghosts from the past and how they haunt us today. I know you have already used "Dead Soldiers" as a title, so maybe "Ghosts" wouldn't work. I'm not sure. I just didn't feel like Kohl was the focus of this chapter.

Final Thoughts: I really enjoyed this chapter, JJ. You never fail to deliver. As always, I'm blown away by your talent. Your descriptive writing is among the best I've read. It's beautiful. I love it.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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3
3
for entry "Simene" 
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Escape Artist

I am reviewing this chapter—'Simene'— as part of the "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . It is the first review from your Hazelnut Praline package.

Please remember these opinions are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

Plot: For this chapter, we return to Merci, who is now joined by her friend Simene. We get to learn more about Merci's past and the "episodes" she has had which are similar to seizures but during them she has flashbacks to memories and cryptic clues. I really enjoyed reading this chapter, JJ. I'm so intrigued by the supernatural aspect of this novel. Also, the mystery of what Merci has been through in the past. We learn that she has no relatives; they have all died. I'm longing to know what happened to them. Nice suspense created with that. You have made the reader feel as though Merci is in some kind of danger which keeps us on the edge of our seats.

Characterization: Simene is introduced in this chapter, and I love him! You asked me whether you give too much character backstory for him and whether it slows the pace of the narrative. The answer to both those questions is: no. You've got it just right. I love your physical description of him. This line, in particular, is fab: "His shock of charcoal hair always looked as if he had just stuck a bobby pin in a light socket." The whole physical description of him is amazing. You paint a vivid picture. I also really like the way he is excited and intrigued and not frightened by the demons in Merci's head or the weird stuff going on around her. He's brilliant. It's nice to know where he comes from, as well.

You give us more backstory for Merci, also. Her past is fascinating. From the time she spent at Waterwood (what actually is that place?) to her time with her father, uncle, and mother. I think they are all separate. Merci alludes to the horrors she has seen in her past, and it leaves us wondering what happened to her. So, again, not too much backstory.

Grammatical Errors: Just a few points ...
Grammar Suggestions ▼

Flow of the Chapter/ Story: This is something you were concerned about. Again, I don't think you need to worry. It flows beautifully and logically. It begins with Merci recovering from her 'episode.' Then we meet Simene and learn about his friendship with Merci, and we see they are people who will complement each other well. You have the pacing right. Leading up to the diary entries, then the levitating penny, and a feeling that Simene will use his geeky inventions to detect the entity that is invading Merci's life.

Content of the Chapter: I really like how you slowly reveal key points. The penny near the end is fantastic! I totally did not expect that. It's quite spooky, too, isn't it? It leaves me wondering what on earth is going on. With regards to the length, it is a long chapter. However, I don't think it's too long. Honestly, I think I started to lose a little attention around the point of the diary entry. Only a little. But, Merci's revelations and Simene's knowledge of the boats she drew, quickly brought me back into the story. So, if you were to split the chapter, I would suggest you do it after the diary entries. But, I genuinely don't think it's necessary.

Some Favourite Lines: Just a few of my favourite parts ...
*StarB* "A nook full of leather bound journals ensconced into her beds headboard beckoned." (Although there should be an apostrophe before the s in beds.)
*StarB* "He soon understood that books would be his only escape from a cloistered, poverty-stricken world, and he devoured them at every opportunity, especially technical manuals."
*StarB* "Its flat surface hung perpendicular, the copper plated visage of Abe Lincoln rotating slowly like a gear on a shaft."

These are just a few of the lines I love. I could write a lot more!


Final Thoughts: I'm still enjoying this novel. You keep the reader hooked the whole time. Your writing is absolutely beautiful, and your descriptions really pull the reader into Merci's home and life. Great work, JJ!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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4
4
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Emily

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" .

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Oh, I love this story! You have made me feel for a pumpkin in a way I never thought I would! This story is a really enjoyable read, and it had me chuckling and feeling love towards Harold the whole way through.

Plot: The personification of a pumpkin being bought and carved for Halloween. At first, we see Harold in the field, longing to be chosen by a human. Despite the warnings he has been given about Human people. The way he melts into the little girl's soft caress is really touching. I think that was the point where I fell in love with him. Following him through the pain of having his innards scraped out and his skin being carved, then seeing the warmth of the candle burning inside him, is so lovely. All the time, he loves the little girl and, as long as she is happy, he is happy.

Characters: Harold is a great character. His feelings are human and his love, genuine. I felt so sad when he became ignored and discarded once Halloween was over. You do a fantastic job of showing his loneliness and emotional hurt. It's easy to forget he is a pumpkin! I have to mention the little girl, also. She is written beautifully. She seems so innocent and excited about Harold. The fact that she wears a butterfly costume adds to this. The moment where Harold sees his reflection in her costume, and he realises they both have gaps in their teeth, is fab.

What I liked: Harold. He is such a great character, and you've written him in a clever way that makes him relatable and likeable. I love this description of the Halloween Trick Or Treaters: "Vampires and ghosts, superheroes and puppies waddled through the streets as if in a parade." It creates a great visual. Also, this part is brilliant: "Harold’s stem practically spun from joy! She loved him! She really, really loved him!" Aww, Harold was happy with his fate as a pumpkin because his girl loved him. That's so cute.

There is nothing I would change about this story. I absolutely love it. I see it is a contest entry, and I wish you the best of luck. Not that you will need it. It's a fantastic story. Love it!


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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5
5
Review of Chapter 2  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily

I am reviewing this chapter as part of the "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . This is your first Chocolate Fudge review from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium" .

Please remember these opinions are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

Plot: I looked forward to reading this second chapter of your novel as the first one really hooked my attention. The plot in this chapter continues at a great pace, with a wonderful mix of curiosity and mystery. In this chapter, we see Jon being taken to a Reintegration Room so he can get his bearings after his centuries-long sleep. I love how the company who preserved him do this. It's a great idea. I wondered if Val would be waiting inside for him. But, no. She isn't. The letter he receives from Val was written forty years ago, which leaves us wondering what has happened in between. Did she fall victim to the plague that Mar mentioned?

Characterization: Jon is a likeable character. His confusion is well written, and his longing to see his wife is quite emotional. As the reader, we get the feeling he won't meet his wife again. At least, not in the way he hopes. But, this makes his yearning for her even more touching. I think it's interesting how the women who tend to him are identical, and their names indicate they are at least part robot.

Grammatical Errors: I have put my suggestions in a dropnote.
Grammar Suggestions ▼

Flow of the Chapter/ Story: The chapter proceeds logically and the new world is revealed to Jon little by little, which also means it is revealed to the reader little by little. It keeps us on our toes, and that really appeals to me.

Setting: I am intrigued by the "sooty brown nothing" that surrounds the city. This was alluded to in the first chapter as well, and I have a feeling it is going to be an important part of the story. I love the purple streets! That's brilliant.

Final Thoughts: This is an exciting novel, and I can't wait to read more of it. I am enjoying reading about Jon's experiences, and I love your imagination. Great work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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6
6
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Merry Moon 🌟

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . This is your second Marzipan Fancy review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This is a lovely, little story about the importance of family. I enjoyed reading this.

Plot: A young couple in Ireland in 1542 discover they are expecting a baby. It is a scene, more than a story. We see the woman carrying the secret of the child, ready to tell her husband after they eat. He, also, has a surprise. He has been carving a statue of a mother and baby bird. This is a great ending. I didn't see it coming. I love the way it feels like some greater force was at work when he chose to carve this statue of motherhood. If I'm honest, I didn't understand the importance of Ireland in 1542. It didn't seem to play a big part in the story other than the brief description mentioning it.

Characters: These two characters are a sweet, young couple who, I think, are probably newlyweds. What I love the most is how you show the promise and hope for the future that they share through this news of the unborn baby. The love they share shines through, and that is a joy to read.

Grammar: I have quite a few grammar suggestions, so I'll put them in a dropnote that you can ignore if you so wish.
Grammar Suggestions ▼

What I liked: The love and the feeling of safety and hope and new life. The characters are great. They are both likeable and I feel I want things to work out well for them. So, great job of getting me to care about your characters. They are nicely written.

Suggestions: My main suggestion is to try to get away from starting most of your sentences with, "He did, she did, etc." These sentences put you in storytelling mode, which reminds the reader that you are a narrator and we are not part of the story. By using the five sentences to describe more of the things your characters see and smell and hear, and using these descriptions to tell the story, will be a much more immersive experience for the reader.

I enjoyed this story. It would be cool to read more about these characters and the problems they might face living in such a time as 1542 Ireland. I really like the characters, and it would be great to see how they grow into being parents. As it is, though, I really like it. It's a feel-good read. Nice work.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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7
7
Review of Dog Tags  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Merry Moon 🌟

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is the first of your Marzipan Fancy reviews.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. This poem is so emotive. For just twenty-four syllables, you create a great deal of emotion from your reader. It's really well written.

Voice/Tone: The tone is reflective. I love how you use the dog tags to symbolise the sacrifice made by those who go to war. It's something that we all know what it looks like and what it means. The "spec of blood" is a great contrast, both visually (red on silver) and metaphorically. (Although, it should be speck.) The last line is perfect: "strategic or folly." It highlights the question so many have about how much of war is actually worth the sacrifice, and how much just for politician's egos. Ultimately, though, this poem honours those who have given the highest sacrifice.

Mechanics: Your only brief was to write a poem of exactly twenty-four syllables. This means every single word has to count, to make it work. And you have nailed it.

My Favourite Part: I really like your opening line describing a family heirloom. I can imagine how important this dog tag would be. It's all that is left of the person who died, and therefore, it becomes super important. I can relate to that. Not with a dog tag, but with other items.

Suggestions: If I'm super picky, the only place I would maybe change is to say, "Stark reminder of war," rather than "Harsh reminder ..." But, that's just how I would say it. Not necessarily how you would.

I see you won the contest with this poem, and I'm not at all surprised. It is fantastic. So clever and beautifully written, and it really does evoke a lot of emotion. It's fantastic!

Keep writing!

Choconut


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8
8
Review of Chapter 1  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily

I am reviewing this chapter as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is your Strawberry Surprise review.

Please remember these opinions are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

Plot: This is an exciting, original plot. As I read through this chapter, I loved the little surprises you unveiled as the story progressed. For example, Jon's body not being his own body. I love how you show this by him not recognising his hand. I didn't read your brief description before I read the chapter, which meant I was shocked when we discovered that it is set in the year 2353. There are so many possibilities for this novel.

Characterization: Jon is disorientated when he awakes from his coma. His main concern is his wife, Valerie. I can't wait to see what has happened to her. The doctor gave Jon a bit of a tease by saying he would see his wife "in due course." I wonder whose body she now inhabits. The nurse and doctor are vague with Jon about what's happened. Maybe it's just because they know how much of a shock his awakening must be. But, I'm not sure I entirely trust them. They seem pretty eager to get rid of him, even though they previously said he will be disorientated for days.

Grammatical Errors: "Jon opened his mouth and licked his unbearably dry lips looking up at the man in the doctor’s coat." There should be a comma after lips because at the moment it reads as though his lips are looking at the man.
Also, "It didn’t seem like anything was real and he brought his hand up slowly to look at it." There should be a comma after real. However, I would probably change this sentence to show Jon pulling back the sheet and noticing his hand, or something like that. It would pull the reader into the story more fully. My other grammatical suggestion is that when you show Jon's internal thoughts, they should be just that: Jon's thoughts. Therefore, he wouldn't think, "Were there flying cars?" He would think "Are there flying cars?" There are a couple of places where you need to check this.

Dialogues: The dialogue between Jon and the nurse and the doctor is brilliant. You never give too much away, initially calling what has happened to Jon "a procedure." This leaves your readers hanging to read the next words and discover what that procedure is. That's a nice way to write.

Setting: The year 2353. No flying cars, but lots of colours. Outside the hospital window, buildings are brightly coloured, as are the streets. Jon's clothes are vibrant colours that were last seen in the 1970s. I notice, however, the hospital room is white and sterile and in sharp contrast to the outside world. One suggestion I have relates to the room itself. Jon says, "With his eyes shut, he could only perceive the room through its sounds and smells. Sterile. Cold." This place is a great opportunity for you to grab your reader and place them in the hospital room. So, rather than says he could perceive the smells and sounds. Describe them. What can he smell? Formaldehyde? The nurse's perfume? Disinfectant? What can he hear? Voices? Metal trolleys rolling along the floor? Those kinds of details would really make this world stand out.

Final Thoughts: I really enjoyed reading this chapter. It's hooked me into your story, and I intend to review more chapters for your other Chocolate Emporium package. I can't wait to see what happens to Jon from here. Nice work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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9
9
Review of The Passage  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Jace

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is your second Whisky Liqueur review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I am reviewing this as a short story, as that is how it's described. However, I suspect every word of it is true. The emotion is tangible, and the love shines through. It gives the whole story of this road trip a touch of magic. It really is a delight to read.

Plot: This is a rite of passage story about a young boy who goes on a road trip with his family. But, more than that, it is about love and family and learning things about yourself that will set you in good stead for the rest of your life. The trip itself sounds amazing. I've seen road trip movies and listened to my hubby (who is American) speak of days-long road trips, and I would love to have the chance to do that. We keep promising ourselves we will do Route 66 one day. We'll see. Anyway, my point is, I'm British, which means a day of driving, and you can get from one end of the country to the other! So, this story really intrigues me. The descriptions of the Blue Ridge Mountains and Appalachian Trail and all the historic sights sounds so exciting. It's the kind of experience I would have loved as a child (and, also, as an adult).

Characters: The young boy who is (almost) eight years old is likeable and has such a thirst for learning. I love the relationship he has with his father. When they went for a coffee and a shared donut, I actually had a lump in my throat. I could imagine how special that must have been, and how special it still is to this day.

Grammar: Only one part I would change: "Dad was gone a lot, up before we rose for school." I tripped over this when I first read it. I would change the comma to a colon. At the moment, it is a comma splice.

What I liked: The relationship between the boy and his father. It's endearing and beautiful to witness. In terms of specific lines, this is a fantastic description: "We never wanted it to end with darkness having the final say." That's so evocative of childhood and makes me feel a little nostalgic. I also love the humour here. Speaking of the middle seat in the car, you say: " It was not a choice seat as anyone sitting there was well within range of Mom's backhand." That made me smile. As did, " And baths. Boo!" Very funny!

I loved this story. It's got so much heart. The whole road trip sounds magical, and I'm a little envious, I have to admit. It's beautifully written and the descriptions are rich and compelling. A really great read!


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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10
10
Review of Back to School  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jingle Dragon's on HOLIDAY!

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is the second of your Orange Creme reviews.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I love this poem! As I first read through, it made me smile. Big time. It took me back to my own summer holidays from school. We used to get six weeks' holiday, and the days seemed endless and lazy and filled with sunshine. Even though, the return to school always rolled around too quickly. So, this poem really resonated with me.

Voice/Tone: The tone is fairly light, even though the narrator longs to have more holidays from school. I'm guessing the voice is pretty much your own. It sounds like it's written from experience. And, what I love the most about it, is I know most people will have also experienced it.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, which I love. It works really well in this poem. I love your line breaks, particularly in the first verse.

My Favourite Part: "sleeping in / doing nothing / hanging with friends / playing games all day." These lines sum up perfectly what it is like to be a carefree child in the summer holidays from school. They are the essence of summer holidays if you like. I also love the lines that read, "Getting up early and driving to school / when morning is still night." Unfortunately, that doesn't really ever end.

I really like this poem. It paints a vivid picture of childhood and how great lazy, hazy days of summer are when you are at school. It took me on a trip down nostalgia lane, and I enjoyed that. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut


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11
11
Review of The Boxing Match  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jade Amber Jewel

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. It is the last of your Hazelnut Praline reviews.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This story is really clever. On the surface, it is about a girl (you) who is taking part in a boxing match with a really tough opponent. Then, it appears to be an internal daydream. But, what it is actually about is the struggle the girl (you) has with anxiety when it comes to auditions. This visualisation helps you to conquer your anxiety. I suspect it's based on your own experiences.

Plot: A girl boxer, fighting a tough opponent. She has her parents calming her down by loving her. I really like the dialogue of your father. He sounds like such a huge source of support. Your mother, also. This line brought a lump to my throat: "'I'm proud of you. No matter what happens, you'll always be my star.'" That's beautiful. It makes me miss my dad. As I mentioned above, the story appears to be about a boxing match. I guess it is, really. It's about a fight between yourself and your audition anxiety. I love the metaphor. It's really nicely carried throughout.

Characters: Jade Amber Jewel is the star of this story. She (you) comes across as being strong and brave. You feel the anxiety (and I know how crippling that can be!), but you don't let it stop you from doing what you love. Your parents are clearly key to your courage. Their love and support helps to give you the confidence to do the things you love.

Grammar: I have a few comments in relation to grammar. I've put them in a dropnote so you can ignore them if you want.

Grammar Suggestion ▼

What I liked: I love, love, love the end! "'You do not mess with Jade Amber, 'nuff said. Ha.'" This is a great mindset to have. It's a really positive message to send to others who have any kind of anxiety issues. It shows how you don't have to let it rule your life. It also shows how the support of your loved ones makes all the difference in the world.

I love this short story, Jade. It's a great read. I love the message, I love your strength, and I love your writing. Great work! ('Nuff said.)


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of Family Tree  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jade Amber Jewel

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is the first of your Hazelnut Praline reviews.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a great poem about family and how important it is. It also makes you think about where you came from; not just our parents, but their parents, too. I never knew three of my grandparents, and the older I get, the more I would like to have known them. Like you, though, I'm glad they married. Otherwise, the result would have been "too sad."

Voice/Tone: The voice in this poem is clear, and I believe your own. I love the end, where you write: "This is / Jade Amber Jewel, the Writer / signing out." That really made me smile. Although your tone is serious, moments like this ending also show a little humour in the narrative. You are respectful of those who came before you, and I really like that.

Mechanics: There is no set structure here. However, the rhymes that you use give the poem a really good pace. It has a great rhythm that is pleasant to read.

My Favourite Part: I love this line: "and my mouth full of drought." When I first read that, it made me smile. Then, when I thought about it, I realised how clever a simile it is. It's a fab description. I also really like this part: "Just the three of us, you see, / Mother, Father and me." This made me think of my family. It was just my Mum, Dad, and me for a long time. We were a great little unit, and reading this makes me feel quite nostalgic. I love how you acknowledge that a time will come when you leave home and your parents return to being just the two of them.

Suggestions: The only lines I'm not really sure about are these: "I could keep going on and on and out, / but I feel the need to walk-about." They work, in terms of rhyme and rhythm, but I'm not sure how they relate to the rest of the poem. It feels like you included them because they rhyme, and not because they enhance the poem. The first line, in particular.

I really enjoyed this poem. You have clearly inherited your father's talent for writing poetry, and it was a pleasure to read. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of Stars And Stripes  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Angus The Red Nosed Gargoyle

I am reviewing this on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . It is the second of your Hazelnut Praline reviews from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I don't think I've ever read your poetry before. I have to say I'm impressed. As I first read this poem, I love the blue and red. It looks appealing, and that's why I chose to read it. The words and fab, too. Your love for your country is a pleasure to read. It's nice to read positive things, with all the bad happening at the moment. This poem is a wonderful tribute to your country.

Voice/Tone: The tone is celebratory and joyful. The theme of vibrant colours runs the whole way through, and it makes the poem really come alive. When I read it, I feel like you had a smile on your face and a glint in your eye when you wrote it. It makes me smile, as well, even though I am one of those British your forefathers fought off *Laugh*. I love how this poem reflects on the meaning of the Stars and Stripes, and what was sacrificed in order to be free. But, in the end, I love the joyfulness.

Mechanics: I don't think this poem is any specific form, but there is a rhyme scheme abcb defe, etc. This rhyme scheme gives the poem a wonderful rhythm and a great pace. It runs smoothly with no bumpy parts, making it even more of a joy to read.

My Favourite Part: I love the whole poem! I could quote each verse and give my reasons why they are my favourite. But, the verse that begins, "Hamburgers, hot dogs / Laughter and smiles," is probably my favourite. This verse represents what 4th July is all about. "Politics forgotten / At least for a while." I love that. Everything else is put aside in order to have this day of unity. I have to mention the last verse, as well. In that verse, you paint the picture of the flag flying, then write: "It’s our day to celebrate / This land of the free." That's a great way to end; a wonderful image to leave with your readers.

I really like this poem. It's filled with colour and happiness (and hamburgers and hot dogs!). It creates such a warm feeling in me. I've never been in the U.S. for 4th July, but David has some great tales of celebrating when he was younger. One day, I would love to experience it. But, back to this poem. I love it. Great job!

Keep writing!

Choconut


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review of No Internet  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jingle Dragon's on HOLIDAY!

I am reviewing this on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . It is your Strawberry Surprise review from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Oh, I can relate to this poem so much! I love it. The humour, the accuracy of your descriptions, it all comes together to make a funny, brilliant poem. The thought of having no internet is one that spreads fear through my body now. Our internet provider went down a few months ago, and it didn't start working again for four days. At the start, I thought it would be nice to just read and watch TV, go for a walk. No! By the end of the first day, my hubby and I had fallen out and we both sulked the rest of the time it was out. I felt like an addict who was jonesing.

Voice/Tone: The tone is one of someone who is irked due to a lack of internet. I love how you list all the things you tried to do instead, but none of them came close to having internet. These lines made me laugh out loud: "For 96 hours, I was bored out of my wits- / I even considered learning how to knit." I love it! So funny. The voice is definitely snarky, but still, your humour shines through.

Mechanics: I don't think this poem is any specific form, but there is a rhyme scheme of aabb ccdd, etc. The rhyme helps give the poem a great pace. It zips along with wonderful rhythm, and it's a pleasure to read.

My Favourite Part: I love how you rhyme media with encyclopedia. That is inspired! Also, these lines in the last verse are hilarious: "My sister started crying when her videos disappeared, / and we all missed when Pitch Perfect 3 premiered." The picture you paint is of an unhappy family wanting to kill each other because none of them has the internet. It's a funny picture, but it's so relatable.

I loved this poem, Dragon. It's funny, it has a great pace, and it comes across as being real. It reminds me so much of our four days without internet. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi amy-Here With Silver Bells On

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

I am reviewing this article as per your request.

*Starv* This is a great message: get people buying your book, and your business will grow. I like how you discuss the importance of using books as a marketing tool. I'm not sure if you have spoken about what kind of books work in a previous lesson? But, that might be something to think about. Have you offered any advice on writing a book because, I'm sure, a lot of the people who read this won't have done that? It's a daunting task to undertake, and I'm sure they would appreciate any insight you may have for this.

*Starv* While I like your message in the second paragraph, it would be good if you could back it up with evidence. Like, where did you get the figures from? Which bookstores did an average of $50,000 in sales between February and June this year? And, according to whom? Also, who is saying that half of those customers could be "clamoring" to buy their product? It just feels a little vague. Like, anyone could say this, but why should they choose to believe you and take your advice and your lessons? (I appreciate, they probably already are taking your lessons at this point, but I just feel like it could use a few more specifics.)

*StarV* One typo. In the first line: "Does it feel like you're spend most of your time ..." It should either be "you're spending" or "you spend"

This is an interesting article. I love the idea of using books to sell your business to new, as well as older, clients. It sounds wonderful. It would just be good to see some more specific information. As it is, it doesn't really give any specific pointers or things to do.

I hope this helps.

Rachel


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review of Here In the Quiet  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Schnujo Thanks SM and SMs!

I am reviewing this on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . It is your final Chocolate Fudge review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Ahh, this is a lovely poem. I love the sentiment and the message: that love is not about grand gestures, especially when they are about making up for wrongdoings, but it is about the quiet, everyday times. That's so true. At least, in long-term relationships. Just spending time with each is what matters. Connecting. So, my first impression of this poem is, it's a beautiful tribute to love.

Voice/Tone: The narrator is speaking from personal experience. The tone is soft and loving and happy. The words sound as though they are almost whispered in their sensuality. I love how you call your lover, "my love, my heart, my other self." That description is perfect. Reading this actually makes me feel warm and fuzzy about my hubby, and I'm not usually a romantic person.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, written in a series of non-rhyming couplets. The rhythm of the poem works really nicely, and the poem moves along at a great pace. There are no bumpy places. It flows.

My Favourite Part: These lines: "We lie quietly, each listening / to the other one breathe." This is so simple but so beautiful at the same time. You have captured the essence of love. Similarly, these lines are fabulous: "Listening, watching, attentive / to my every movement." The connection that you feel to your lover (or, the narrator to her lover—are they the same?) is huge. It is what makes the relationship work.

This is a beautiful love story told through poetry. It's nice to see this side of you. Personally, I find it really hard to write anything romantic because it feels like laying myself bare. I don't know if you feel that, too? But, it doesn't matter. This is a really great poem. Love it!

Keep writing!

Choconut


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Schnujo Thanks SM and SMs!

I've just finished reading your short story, "The Case of the Glowing Trees" , and I'd like to offer the following comments as your first Chocolate Fudge review.

My first impressions: I really enjoyed this story. Right from the start, I was hooked by the premise of the two ghost hunters and the mysterious glowing trees. As I read through, I was desperate to know why they were glowing and what would happen to the two men trying to find their secrets. I forgot this was written for the Cliffhanger Contest, so when the story ended just as I was about to find out, I believe I may have said, "No!" out loud. It's a fantastic cliffhanger.

Plot: Two ghost hunters are investigating some trees that are glowing white for no apparent reason. The leader, Jim, seems fearless and takes charge with taking samples and testing them. Seth (who is physically the bigger man) is afraid the whole time he is there. It made me chuckle that he had this job of hunting things that terrified him. Although, maybe he wasn't scared when he first started, and it was memories of, "the baby that came out of the bathroom wall and the dog with no head." It is funny how frightened he is, though. I wonder whether the two men have a longer connection that just this job.

What I really liked: The mystery, the intrigue. I loved Seth. I felt so sorry for him because I could imagine I would have been just as frightened as he was. I also loved the cliffhanger, although, I hated it at the same time because it left me hanging. But, it worked really well for the contest. If you ever think of expanding on this and telling us what had Jim's eyes so wide, let me know. My favourite line of the story is this one: "And warmth can mean life and the last thing he wanted was to make a tree angry by copping a feel without asking." I laughed out loud at that!

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: Just a couple of minor points ... "He often thinks their is, but Jim's taunting of him ..." It should be there. Also, "Yet Jim only removed the outer layer, something a normal tree wouldn't weep from--Not to mention ..." It should be a small n. Lastly, this line confused me a little: "'Nothing. He pressed the vial against the tree again and scraped some of the bark into it.'" I don't think this should all be in the speech marks. I think, "Nothing," is the only word spoken here, so you need to move the closing speech mark.

Suggestions: I struggled a little with the present tense narration. It seemed a little awkward if I'm honest. In one place, you actually switch to past tense ("He awaited the smart aleck response ...") and it sounds much more natural. I would change the tense if you ever wanted to revise this story. That is my suggestion.

Final thoughts: I really enjoyed reading this. It's a great suspenseful story with some humour that works really well. I love the character of Seth. His relationship with Jim is nice as well. All in all, a great read.

Keep writing!

Choconut



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review of Private Eye  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Genipher

I've just finished reading your short story, "Private Eye" , and I'd like to offer the following comments as part of your final Orange Creme review.

My first impressions: I was intrigued by your Dick Casey investigations when I first started to look around your port. So, I wanted to review one before I leave. I chose this one because it is the first. And, I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed it. From the first two words ("The dame ...) I knew I would love it. This set the scene really well, and without being told, I knew I was in a hardboiled detective story. I love this kind of story, and you have done a great job with it.

Plot: A broad goes to see private investigator Dick Casey because her sister has gone missing. She was supposed to arrive on a flight to hear the reading of their father's will. But she didn't ... Or did she? Dick comes to the conclusion she killed her so she could inherit all the money. I love seeing Dick's interactions with Babyface Jane (his informant) and Tony the policeman. If anything, I felt it could have been a lot longer. There are lots of avenues he could have taken in trying to figure it out.

What I really liked: Dick Casey. He is a great character. Again, you had me reading the whole piece in a Humphrey Bogart-style accent (which is interesting, I can tell you!). I love the twist; that the woman shot her own sister. I love the excitement when Babyface gets shot.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: Just a few minor typos ... "'My sister, Tina,' she pulled out a hanky and dabbed her baby-blues,' She was supposed ..." It should be a small s when the speech is continued if you have a comma after, "baby-blues." However, I would probably place a period after "Tina" and also after "baby-blues." That would read more smoothly. Also, "'Plane, train, or automobile?' I ask." It should be asked because you have been writing in the past tense up until this point. Lastly, "'She never showed,' I crushed out the butts, 'Let ...'" Again, I would place a period after "showed" and also after "butts."

Suggestions: It would have been great to see Dick confronting the sister in the end and to see some kind of struggle. I imagine she would be carrying the gun she used to shoot Babyface, so it could have been a really exciting climax. My other suggestion is regarding the language used. At first, I loved it, and it really set the scene well. However, there was an awful lot of phrases I didn't understand. Most of them, I could guess their meaning, but not all of them. It meant I was constantly being jolted out of the narrative trying to figure out the meaning. Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely right that you use some of the hardboiled language. It gives an authentic feeling to the story. But, I would say maybe dial it down a little.

Final thoughts: I really enjoyed this story. I love Casey's voice and I love his sarcastic humour. I love the story and the twist. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review of What have I done?  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Chris Breva says thanks SM/SMs

I am reviewing this on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . I found this review on the Read & Review page.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. Just ... wow. This poem is dripping with emotion. By the time I finished reading it, I had tears in my eyes. It's beautifully written.

Voice/Tone: I don't know whether this is personal to you, but it sure sounds like it is. The narrator's voice sounds so unhappy, so full of regret and remorse. Yet, from what I've read, it doesn't sound like there is anything to feel regret or guilt about. It sounds as though you had the toughest decision ever to make, and you made the right one; the one that took away the suffering of your loved one. That's brave. I know because I had to do the same for my Mum. I felt guilty, but I knew it was the right decision. And these kinds of decisions are never made lightly.

Mechanics: The form is simple. Two quatrains with an aabb ccdd rhyme scheme. It gives the poem a wonderful fluidity. It flows and the rhythm is spot on. There is nothing to pull the reader out of the poem.

My Favourite Part: The whole poem! The last two lines, though, are the ones that I find most upsetting: "I simply had to let you go / I could not help feeling I killed you though." We are very good at feeling guilty, and blaming ourselves in these situations is probably very common. From the sound of it, though, I think you did the loving, right thing for your loved one. I also love these two lines from the first stanza: "You would have given your life for me / All I could do was set you free." This is a great way of showing the love you had for each other. It brings home how this was a real relationship.

This is such a beautiful poem. I may have it wrong, and this is not based on your own, personal experience. But, it just feels as though you have lived through this. It feels as though you have poured your heart onto the page in writing this, and the result is an incredibly moving poem.

Keep writing!

Choconut


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Soldier_Mike 🇺🇸

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group" . I found this piece of flash fiction on the Random Read page.

My first thoughts: I really enjoyed this. I love the way you write the voices. They really sound like teenagers, and it is easy to place yourself in the school hallway with them. I could imagine the group of lads standing around, drinking in Tommy's story of his encounter with Julie Hogeboom.

Plot: This is a slice of a scene in a high school. A group of boys have gathered around as one of them tells of his magical moment when he spoke to the super popular Julie. This is so realistic. I love how, in the end, it doesn't matter that Tommy was almost flattened by Julie's boyfriend, and it doesn't matter that he isn't going to the dance with Julie. He spoke to her. That's all that counts. Oh, to be a teenager again!

Characters: If I'm honest, I felt there were a lot of characters, and in such a short piece it got a little confusing. Especially, as most of it is dialogue. It was a little hard to remember who had spoken to Julie. When Stevie appeared and spoke near the end, it really confused me. He just appeared from nowhere, then was gone again. I would maybe keep the group, and maybe show physical reactions from them, but only use dialogue from two or three.

What I liked: I love how true to life this is. I love how you have captured what it's like to be a nerdy teenager who can only ever dream of hanging out with the beautiful and cool kids. This story made me smile. I like that.

Suggestions: As I mentioned above, there were some places where I got a bit confused. For example, at the end, Eddie tells the group what Julie said as she walked away. Then, Tommy says, "'A set up, huh?'" This made me go back and question who had spoken to Julie, as it reads as though it was Eddie.

I really enjoyed this flash fiction. I love your humour and I love how much it made me smile. Great work!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Genipher

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. This is your second Orange Creme review.

My first thoughts: What an enchanting story! Right from the start, you hooked me with the two sisters squabbling. They could be any siblings anywhere. Most people will relate to this. However, as I read on, I discovered they aren't just any children. They are children in the Great Depression.

Plot: This is the story of a family moving to Arkansas during the Great Depression. I love the way you show the journey they have to undertake. You show how little food they have, how they don't even have enough money to get horses to pull the wagon. The father and older brothers have to pull it. Yet, at the same time, family life goes on as normal, with the two sisters squabbling and doing exactly what sisters normally do. I love this juxtaposition. It highlights how difficult the situation is. The theme of angels runs throughout, with Gladys saying that angels are always watching over them a few times. In the end, when they see the angel, it's a really nice touch, and it makes the reader think the family will be okay.

Characters: I love Gladys and Sissy. What I love most is how you write their accents into their speech. It makes them real and gives them flavour. It meant that this English girl read the whole story with an (interesting) Southern accent in my head. I love their Daddy, too. He seems fun and not too serious. I imagine him to be a cool daddy.

Grammar: Just one point: "Mama walked alongside her mate, hollering out the occasional reprimand when the kids got to bickering, while Glady's eldest brother walked behind ..." It should be Gladys's.

What I liked: This line stands out as my favourite: "'Always callin' me a country bumpkin and makin' fun of my hair. I cain't help that it turned out red.'" This made me laugh out loud. I can picture the young girl cursed by the colour of her hair. I love the relationship between all the family, in particular, Gladys and Sissy. Despite the bickering, there is so much love between them, which is highlighted at the end when Gladys pats Sissy's hand.

Suggestions: I found the description of the angel at the end could have been a little fresher. For example, "Elegant, massive wings ..." Massive is a pretty generic term and elegant is used quite a lot for angels. Also, "With wide eyes, Gladys watched the being fly slowly over her family." Being is quite a bland word for an angel. I just feel like you could have described her a lot more creatively because I know you write fantastic descriptions.

I really enjoyed this story. I could picture everything, and I loved the two, little girls. A lovely study of sibling relationships, and an entertaining story with a sweet ending.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Genipher

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. This is the first of your Orange Creme reviews from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium" 

My first thoughts: I found myself instantly hooked on this story. The tale of the strange creatures living in the forest intrigued me. And when your main character, the young Herlee, decides she (or maybe he, I'm not sure) will go alone to find the creature, I had to read until the end. Great hook.

Plot: I'm not sure when this is set, but I don't think that really matters. It's in a fantasy world. The mention of "several viral bombs" having exploded a few years ago adds intrigue to this story. So, this story sees Herlee travel through the forest to the cabin near the cornfield where the creature is believed to live. I held my breath as she stepped into the cabin, then slowly turned around. And the creature? A human. This, I thought, is a great twist! I loved it. I loved how Herlee says, "'It's true, then,' I whispered. 'Your kind does exist!'" Brilliant! As I read on, however, I discovered that this wasn't the big twist. "I reached up self-consciously with one free hand. The snakes that looped over my scalp hissed at my touch." These sentences are fabulous! I love how you casually drop them into the narrative as though they are perfectly normal. It really made me smile.

Characters: Herlee is really appealing and she carries the narrative well. I may have missed it, but I don't think we know for sure whether she is female or male. I think she's female because of the way she feels she has something to prove, and also the way the other tribe members are shocked she will go to find the creature on her own. Either way, I really like the character. Her bravery is a great quality. I also really like the human at the end. He is unafraid of this Medusa character. I can see romance in the cards for these two.

Grammar: Just a couple of points ... "'But if it doesn't cooperate...' the knife glinted under the sun ..." It should be a capital T in the. Also, "'Right away,' I glanced at the sky, noting how the sun stood directly overhead." It should be a period after "Right away."

What I liked: I love your descriptive narrative. In particular, the way you describe the woods and how Herlee comes to a cornfield and a bit of a clearing. There is something about that cornfield description that I love. I could see it clearly. The cabin, also. You do a great job of putting the reader into the story. I also love the double twist at the end. It goes to show we never really know who people are.

I loved this story. I felt I was walking alongside Herlee. Your character is a great narrator. Nice work.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review of A Week of 18  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi The StoryMistress

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

*StarV* I'm going through WDC's birthday celebrations and sending out a few reviews of activities. I wanted to send you a review for this item because I think it's brilliant. Before I get into the content, I love the visuals. The banner you have created is vibrant and eye-catching. It draws people into the activity to take a closer look.

*StarV* This is such a generous activity. I love how simple the idea is: throughout WDC's 18th birthday week, eighteen reviewers will be randomly chosen each day to receive 10,000GPs. It's simple, but it's also a great way of encouraging people to write more reviews. And, at the moment, there is so much more to review. I feel spoiled for choice. I want to review everything. This activity, though, it shows that you and The StoryMaster care about your members. You understand that reviews are at the heart of this community, and to show your recognition in this way is really cool.

*Starv* I was one of the lucky people who received one of the prizes a couple of days ago, and the buzz it gave me was huge. I'm not generally a lucky person when it comes to raffles and prize draws, so this was a lovely surprise. And, it did make me feel as though my efforts are appreciated.

So, this review comes with a thank you, for all you do for your members. This activity is a wonderful gift to us.

Choconut
24
24
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Pat ~ Thank you, SM & SMs

This review is affiliated with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

*StarV* I wanted to send you a review for this as I've just placed a couple more bids, and I realised I'm in love with this auction. Before I even get into the content, the visuals are fantastic. I love the pastel-colour balloons that shimmer at the top of each package. The colour scheme, in general, is very soothing and very appealing to the eye. Your images fit perfectly, too.

*Starv* This auction is clever and unique. Yes, there are the auction packages we can bid on and hope to win, as with any auction. But, you have added into the mix one guess for every bid as to the ice cream flavour of the day. Each day, the winning flavour is drawn by random and whoever guesses that flavour goes into the hat for a merit badge at the end of the auction. So, there's a whole sub-game going on. Personally, I love this game.

*StarV* You have some great packages on offer here. A lot of people have donated, and there is a wonderful mix of different prizes. I'm sure there is something to tempt everyone. Indeed, you have had a lot of bids, and you look set to raise a lot of funds. I love that you reward the package donors by placing their names in the draw for your exclusive WdC Ice Cream Social Merit Madge (which is really pretty, by the way).

*Starv* The groups you have chosen to support through the auction are great causes. They are all focused on supporting and helping the members of WDC. Each group contributes greatly to this website.

What more can I say? I love this activity. I hope you raise a ton of funds for the groups you support. I hope you continue to serve ice cream every September for many years to come!

Choconut
25
25
Review of Ghostly Campfire  
Review by Choconut Baubles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. I am reviewing this as one of my challenges in "The Hunt for the Rhyming Rascal" .

My first thoughts: I love a good ghost story, and this one did not disappoint. I love the suspense of the story, and whether or not something will happen to the group around the campfire.

Plot: A ghost story told around a campfire. But, the question is, is it a true story? I love the concept of Patrick's story. He tells it well, and it's different to other stories I've read. The twist at the end of fabulous! I loved that. We all thought it was Juliana making the Crazy Cat Lady sounds in the woods, but then we see she is stood next to Patrick! Nice twist! I loved the ending!

Grammar: I have a few grammar suggestions, which I'll put in a dropnote. I haven't included all the points I noticed, but I'm happy to give you more details if you want. (I appreciate you wrote this a long time ago, so if irrelevant, please ignore them.)

Grammar Suggestions ▼

What I liked: I loved the originality of this story. I loved the twist at the end. I loved the story itself. I am intrigued by this cat lady, and I'd love to know more about her story. She's an interesting character.

Suggestions: I thought the order of the story was a little odd. You mention the Cat Girl seeing the boys in her house and scratching at their clothing, and then the boys have a look around. Surely, they would have run away at that point. They wouldn't stay for a snoop.

I really enjoyed reading this story. I'm glad I stopped by your port for this challenge. Nice work.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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