I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is the Strawberry Surprise review gifted you from my Chocolate Emporium a little while ago. I apologise it's taken so long for me to complete.
Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.
My first thoughts: This is an interesting story. I love the idea of purple and teal roses—they are my favourite colours, too. As I first read through this story, I found lots to pique my interest. Like, I want to know more about Cassandra's boyfriend. More about her mother, as well. And, of course, I want to know who the flowers are from. I'm not sure whether you're planning to take this in a romantic direction, or a more frightening one.
Plot: Cassandra finds a bunch of flowers on her doorstep. They are her favourite colours, but the note doesn't say who they are from. Maybe, her moody, jealous boyfriend? Maybe, her mother? Or, is it someone completely different? A stalker? A secret admirer? As mentioned above, I'm not really sure where this is going. I appreciate this is only a short introduction, but I came away from it feeling I'm not sure what the hook is meant to be, or if there is a hook. The mystery of the flower-giver, I guess. But, I wonder how far you can go with this storyline.
Characters: It is Daniel who interests me the most. He feels dangerous, like he could maybe hurt Cassandra through his jealousy. Although, she doesn't seem very scared of him. She seems fed up more than anything. The conversation between Cassandra and her mother, I felt, could have made more of an impact. Her mother didn't seem at all interested in her daughter's mystery bunch of flowers. She played it very cool. I did wonder if she knew who they were from, but I can't work out why she would. I wondered why Cassandra's fingers trembled as she dialled her mother's number. It's the only time through the whole piece where she seems unnerved.
Grammar: I have a few suggestions, which I will put in a dropnote as I know they are not your main concern in this story.
Grammar Suggestions ▼
What I liked: The intrigue. Here, you introduce us to three characters who all seem a little untrustworthy. I think they probably all have a secret or two to hide, and I'm interested to know what those are.
Suggestions: Watch your tenses. You constantly shift from the present tense to the past tense, and every time you do it, it brings the reader out of the story. For example, "Purple and teal roses sat awaiting Cassandra, her favorite colors. Smiling from ear to ear, she lets out an embarrassingly loud shriek ..." This also brings to light my other suggestions. Try to use fewer adjectives and adverbs to tell a story. Instead, use stronger verbs and richer descriptions that pull the reader into the story. In this example, the words embarrassingly and loud are redundant. Most shrieks I've ever heard are, by definition, both of these things. There are quite a few instances where I would try to work on this.
So, in answer to your questions ... Yes, I think this could be an interesting longer work, but that is dependent upon where you plan to take it. At the moment, it still needs a hook. Your readers will want to know what they have decided to read. The layers and complications of a longer work of fiction can come afterwards. Right now, what it needs is something to plant backsides on seats and promise them great things are to come.
I hope this is helpful. I enjoyed reading this, and I've tried to be as honest as possible. It's a good short story, but with some work, I think it could be a great longer work.
Most importantly, keep writing!