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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/purplesunday
Review Requests: OFF
1,087 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.
Favorite Genres
Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.
Least Favorite Genres
Steampunk, sci-if.
Favorite Item Types
Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Chapters from the middle of books.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Ghost Club  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Angus

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* This story had me hooked from the start. I was on the edge of my seat as I read through, waiting for the main event. I love how you draw it out right until the very end, and then hit us with the best twist ever! I did not see that coming. I imagined a few other scenarios, involving scary ghosts showing themselves and, maybe, one of the other club members being ghosts. But I didn't guess that Lukas was a ghost. That was a pure genius Angus-twist.

*StarV* I love the suspense you create, with the fire filled with kindling wood, that isn't lit, to the freaky stories each member of the Ghost Club has to share. The room's atmosphere is created really nicely. There's just one door; the big, thick one they walked through to get in there. The room has a candle for its light source, which is creepy, in itself. I love how it felt like some kind of AA meeting, or something. Each person comes forward with their stories of the week. As I listened to each of them, I wondered how truthful they were being, and whether it was some kind of con to get something out of Lukas. My mind was pinging all over the place, trying to to figure it out.

*StarV* I think it's interesting how they can all see Lukas, but none of them seem to know he is a ghost. Or, maybe they do. Maybe, they speak to and listen to ghosts in the way they do living people. I'm not sure. I wonder who Lukas was when he was alive. Had he already been seen by a member of the group? And, why is he at the group meeting? How does he stay for the entire duration?


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Suggestions


Just this typo. " ... it’s dancing yellow flame casting shadows on the walls behind us." There shouldn't be an apostrophe in its.

*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


I really enjoyed this story, Angus. It's creative, entertaining, and creepy. You create a great suspense from the start, and it stays with the reader until the end. And the twist ... fabulous! You always have a great twist at the end, and this is possibly the best I've read. Love it!

Choconut



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Thankful Sonali 11 WDC YEARS!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group. It is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* Wow. That's the first word that comes to my mind. This essay is fantastic. I was completely immersed in it from start to finish. Not only is it well written, and following a logical course through each point you make, but it's also emotional and it really does make the reader pause and reflect. Just ... wow.

*StarV* I love how you begin by discussing the arrival of the 'talent' show in India. It sounds pretty similar to how it is here. The most talented person never wins. I've long-thought the show's producers (and, largely, Simon Cowell) have the winner picked out right from the auditions stage. I never watch these shows any more. I love this one line, which you place on its own for extra significance: "Only talent lost." That's such an astute observation. Three words; heavy with meaning. In the same section, I love this line, which is reflecting on the runner-up and his mother: "Had they paused to reflect, for just one moment, that lone woman applauding the runner-up at the edge of the spotlight might have had a happier story to tell." That's a stark picture, and one I found quite moving.

*StarV* The section where you discuss the forced inclusion of special needs children in mainstream schools is really well written. I felt so sad for the boy who has been placed in the system he is unable to participate in. I also felt for the teacher who was unable to teach her class how she would have liked. As a teacher, all you want to do is impart your knowledge. It must have been so frustrating for her. This reminded me a little of my god-daughter. She is six and suffers from autism, plus a few other issues. When placed in mainstream school, she was constantly getting into trouble and screaming and crying. She hated school. After quite a battle with the authorities, her parents managed to get her into a special school, and now she uses a special sign language to communicate, and she loves going to school. Because her parents paused and reflected, then refused to stop fighting for her.

*StarV* I was shocked when I came to the section about fairness creams. I didn't realise they even existed. That's really sad. If only people could stop to realise how you look could not be less important, in terms of who you are and your worth as a person. To read that children as young as three think themselves ugly because they have dark skin is heartbreaking. And shocking.

*StarV* I love how you end your essay with some positives; some examples of what can be achieved when we do pause to reflect, and land on the side of what is right. The group 'The Ugly Indians' do a fantastic job of improving small areas for the general public of India. It's great that they keep the cleaned-up areas clean afterwards. It goes to show how much it means to everyone. Finally, Mrs. Claudia Shroff. This lady is amazing. She saw things she could do to make a difference to Indians, and she did them. What a legacy she has left behind. I love how this all ties up the quote which the essay is based on: "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." - Mark Twain. It's a great quote, and you have provided some great evidence to show how true this is.


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Parting Comments


I loved reading this article. It's fascinating, and great to see a little of India, from the perspective of someone who actually lives there. I'm giving this 5 *Star* because it absolutely deserves that.


Choconut



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3
3
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Spring Princess Megan Rose

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. It's the final review of your Chocolate Cherries package.

Please remember these views are purely my own and everyone has different opinions.

First Impressions: I had to read and review this poem, after reading about this bear in your last poem. Firstly, he's a real cutie. I love how you named him Prince. It's perfect. I'm so happy you left a photograph of him at the bottom of the poem. It's a lovely touch. In terms of the visuals, I love that the writing colour matches the bear perfectly.

Voice/Tone:Once again, the voice is really personal. This time, you are talking about Prince to others; telling us all about the rock star you love and how sad you are that he has died. It's really moving. You're so good at writing poetry that tugs at the reader's heartstrings.

Mechanics: This is free verse. Again, I'm not sure if it's prose poetry? It seems to be, as it tells a story. You have used enjambment really well again. This makes the poem flow wonderfully. There is a great rhythm and great pace to it.

My Favourite Part: The last verse begins with you saying, "I am not good with tributes and tribunes." That made me smile because it's very modest of you. I have just read two of your poems that are fantastic tributes to Prince. You definitely are good at tributes and tribunes. I love these lines, also: "Prince. I named him Prince. I felt a little sad. / I loved Prince and his music." That's really touching.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my tour around your portfolio. I love the passion with which you write, in particular about Prince. I look forward to coming back to your port in the future.

I have a diary note to send you the Verdant MB on May 3rd.

Keep writing!

Choconut


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4
4
Review of Cat Girl  
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Thomas Browning

I've just finished reading your short story, "Cat Girl, and I'd like to offer the following comments:

My first impressions: This is an interesting story. I note it's based on the fable of 'Aphrodite & the Cat.' I'm not familiar with that story, but I don't think that matters. Your story is unlike any I've read before, and it's a really creative idea for a story. If anything, I would have liked to read more of it. It would have been great to explore the husband and wife / cat's relationship and life.

Plot: A man suddenly (after years of marriage) discovers his wife is actually a cat who (I think) shape shifts into a woman. He accepts this without question and they live together until she uses up her final life and dies. This is heartbreaking for the man, who wants nothing more than to be with his wife again. The part that confused me is where you mentioned him shooting his wife with a bow. You drop this information into the story, but don't explain it at all. It leaves the reader wondering what time period this is set in (up until this point, I thought it was modern day). We also wonder why he shot her with a bow and arrow. It doesn't make sense.

What I really liked: The creative idea. I also like the way the woman first changed into a cat. It surprised me, and also made me chuckle when I imagined the husband's confusion and horror. I love the relationship between these two characters. It's sweet and loving.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: I have a few suggestions, which I've put in this dropnote.

Grammar Suggestions

Suggestions: This sentence is a little bumpy: "Only she did not so much as walk as crawl -- onto the dining room table." Rather than stating what she did not do, try to keep it to what she did do, and give us a description of how she looked in doing it. That would make the story come alive.

Final thoughts: This is an interesting story. I love the concept. If you gave the reader more details of how the woman transformed into a cat — how she moved, what she looked like, how crazy it all seemed to the man — you could really draw your readers in and make them a part of it.

Keep writing!

Choconut


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5
5
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi James A. Osteen Jr.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*Stary* I can't believe I've never encountered your poetry before! I've just spent a while reading through your portfolio, and you write beautiful poetry. It was hard to decide which piece to review, but I decided on this one because I love the story. It's intriguing and endearing and beautifully written. I note that one of your genres is 'Experience,' and it sure shines through that you really knew of this lady.

*Stary* Firstly, I love the name given to this woman. Yellow Mountain Rose creates wonderful imagery. The reader imagines a rare and beautiful lady; in spirit, at least. The fourth verse is my favourite. I could picture so clearly this little, old lady, kneeling on the rocky ground and clearing out the weeds. There's something really warm and loving about that description.

*Stary* I love the story you tell and the mystery within it. I wonder who the stranger who knocked on her door was? Was he a relative nobody knew about; come to take her to live with him? Although, from what you write about her, I can't imagine her just giving in and leaving. It sounds as though she loved her mountain home.

*Stary* I could imagine this a folk/country song. It's very lyrical and has a great rhythm, on the whole. I don't know if you have ever put it to music, but it would definitely work.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Suggestions


I'm not sure why you have put a quotation mark before honey suckle on the second line. I don't think it should be there.

The only place where the rhythm seemed a little off is in these two lines: "and no ones heard a word from / the lady any more." The meter in the first line isn't quite right, making the enjambment into the following line a little bumpy. Also, there should be an apostrophe before the s in ones.

*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


I'm so happy I stumbled into your portfolio today. This is a beautiful poem, and your writing is warm and full of love. It was a real treat to get to read some of your work.

Choconut



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6
6
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi amy-Very Very Busy

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

I am reviewing this item, as per your review request. I hope it is helpful.

*BulletV* Firstly, this provides good advice on organising the chapters and topics within a book. I assume it relates to non-fiction? I really like how you discuss chapter headings and sub-topics within them. Outlining is another important process you discuss. I don't know whether you have another section about outlining? If not, it could be expanded upon here. I know I would find it useful, if I was taking your class.

*BulletV* There are a few typos in this:

"In this module will be ..." You misses out either we or you, after module.

"But, you job of organizing might not be over." It should be your.

"Keep your topics in zinc with each other." It should be sync.

" ... Emptying Your Account”, You have the comma after the quotation marks, and it should be before.

"As you can see my major and sub topics directly to each other." You missed out relate between topics and directly.

*BulletV* A couple of other things to think about. "Don’t confuse your reader by going all over the board with your chapters." I stumbled over that line a couple of times. I get what you're saying. Maybe, something like, "Remember to keep it simple and not confuse your reader by overcomplicating your chapters. Stick to your headings."

Also, "Keep each chapter on your main topic and the sub-topics that directly relate to that major topic." This line also had me stumbling a little. Something like, "Make sure each chapter stays relevant to your main topic and sub-topics," would be more straight forward.

I know I've mentioned a few changes here, but I really do like the content of your article. The information you are giving your class is all really useful. I would think more about outlining. As I said, if you've already done this, then please ignore that comment.

I hope this is helpful.

Rachel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Just One Chance  
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Cloud9 is hoping for Spring!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* I was drawn to this short story by your brief description. I wanted to know all about this boy with a disability, and how he was given a chance. I always love to read about underdogs who fight back and save the day, so this story really appealed to me. As I first read through, I was struck by how beautiful a tale of friendship it is.

*StarV* You show Todd's feelings of being an outcast really well. He is a very likeable and endearing character. I'm not sure exactly what his disability is, as you don't say. But, judging by your descriptions of his limp and twisted spine, I wonder if it is something like cerebral palsy. That's not the important part, though, and I suspect that's why you didn't give your readers a specific illness. What is important in this story is Todd's ability; what he can do. And that is catching a ball. I love how the new kid, Sammy, is the best baseball player in town, and he is the one who became Todd's best friend. I love their friendship. Sammy knows his teammates will roast him, but he still lets Todd play. That's the mark of true friendship.

*StarV* As I was reading, I kept thinking the story must end with Todd saving the day. As I got to the end, and Todd fell flat on his face, I felt so sad for him. It was meant to be his moment, but he had embarrassed himself. However, you fooled me! He had already caught the ball when he fell, and he won his team the game. A great ending. I had a huge smile on my face when I read that.


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Suggestions


This may be just my own personal taste, but I'm not sure about this line: "His twisted foot caused him to walk with a drastic limp." It's that "twisted foot" and "drastic limp" I'm not sure about. They seem a little cliche. I wonder if there's another way you could describe it? Like, "No matter how much physio he undertook, his foot refused to straighten up. The resulting limp provided much humour for the neighbourhood kids."

Also, "Some rolled their eyes mumbling, 'Great.' " You need to place a comma before mumbling because, like this, it reads as though the eyes are mumbling.

*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


This is a heartwarming story of friendship and how good friends can help you to thrive in the face of adversity. It's a beautiful portrayal of friendship, and you have created a wonderful character in Todd. I really enjoyed it.


Choconut



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8
8
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi River

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* I love your title. That's what brought me to this short story. Woods can be such creepy places, with all the darkness and cool temperatures. So, before I even started to read, I anticipated something creepy happening. That's a great way to entice your readers. Conversely, I love how the story begins with the "beautiful sun drenched morning." This, and the description of Hillary and her basket, has a fairytale feeling to it; adding to my curiosity even further. I thought of Little Red Riding Hood.

*StarV* The description of the wild garlic is wonderful. I could almost smell it myself. Also, the description of that creamed wild garlic soup; I could almost taste it.

*StarV* All your descriptions of twigs snapping and Hillary having the feeling she is being watched are great. I love the goosebumps she gets and the way she her body reacts to the potential threat. The suspense you create is wonderful. I had baited breath as I waited to see who or what was watching Hillary. I imagined some kind of creature or phantom. But, instead, you took us on an unexpected route. Hillary was being watched by wild garlic police. I guess they knew she had been pickling it and selling it, and also they could see how much she had collected in her basket. This surprised me, as it was not what I was expecting.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Suggestions


A couple of grammar issues. Firstly, " ... her basket was filling up nicely soon she would have enough." You need a period after nicely. Also, when you are describing the woods at the beginning, you use the words thick and thickly really close together, and it kind of brings the reader out of the narrative for a moment: "She came to the entrance to the thick woods and veered off the path toward the spot where the garlic grew thickly."

In terms of the plot, this feels a little unfinished, to me. I don't know if there was a word limit? It seems to end a little abruptly, and there isn't any kind of resolution. I like the idea of Hillary being under arrest, but I would have liked to know what happened to her. The police appear from the shadows, tell her she is breaking the law, and that's it. If you were to revisit this story, I would work on making a more rounded ending.

*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


I enjoyed reading this story. It's unlike any other I have read on here. I love the surprise twist of who is actually watching Hillary, and I think a little work on the ending (not too much) could make this fantastic.

Choconut



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9
9
Review of Reflection  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Maryann -- 16 yrs at WDC }

*Vine2**Burstp* A *Burstb**Vine1*
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Review Raid

*Vine2**Burstp**Burstb**Vine1*


*StarV* Wow. That's the word that came to mind when I read this poem. It's absolutely beautiful, and so clever. I've only read a couple of these kind of poems before, but this one is by far the best example. Everything about it is perfect. Just ... wow.

*StarV* The presentation, firstly. I love how you have centred the poem inside a mirror, which in turn mirrors the sentiment in the poem. That extra touch really sets it off. Visually, it's really appealing. Then, we move onto the mechanics. I honestly think I would struggle trying to write a palindrome poem. Reading this has inspired me, though. I think I might give it a try. It must be so difficult to get the right words in the right order. I'm in awe. But, inspired, as well.

*Starv* The sentiment is lovely. There is a sense of nostalgia in the way the narrator looks in the mirror and sees and remembers happy times they have had. This is a really positive poem, and it reads as though the narrator has experienced a lot of laughter and happiness in their life. It's so accurate, as well, because we all look in the mirror from time to time and remember days gone by. I know I definitely check out my crows feet a lot, but I like to think of them as laughter lines, and that's what this poem makes me think of.

This poem is perfect, Maryann. It's so clever and precise, whilst being beautiful at the same time. I love it.

Choconut



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Memorial  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌜 HuntersMoon

*Vine2**Burstp* A *Burstb**Vine1*
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
Review Raid

*Vine2**Burstp**Burstb**Vine1*


*StarV* Ken, you know I'm a huge fan of your poetry, right? A massive fan. So, when I saw this poem of yours on the review list, it was a no-brainer: I had to read. And I'm so glad I did. This is not only a really clever poem technically, but it's also incredibly emotional. By the time I reached the end, I had more than one tear in my eyes.

*StarV* Firstly, the mechanics. I'm afraid my knowledge of structured poetry is a little lacking, so I'm not sure whether it's a specific form. But, what I do know is it's a precise poem, with not a single word or syllable there by chance. The only way I can highlight this is by showing what I think is the rhyme scheme: aabbb/ccddb/eeffg/hhiig/jjkk/lmnm. I've probably written that all wrong, but I would love to know if this is a set structure, or something you created. As I said, it reads as though every single syllable is carefully placed.

*StarV* I love your use of enjambment. This way of carrying one line to the next helps the overall flow of the poem. It makes it read so fluidly. It's another clever device.

*Starv* This poem is charged with emotion. I love the image created in the first lines: "A candle yields its final spark / unable to hold back the dark." That lone flame flickering in the still of the night, where so many courageous souls lie buried is wonderful. I also love how you talk about the high cost that war and heroism brings with it. It is necessary, though. Without it, there may not be anyone left behind to remember them. This poem is particularly poignant with everything that's happening in the world right now.

I love this poem. It's truly beautiful. As always, your writing is like liquid chocolate (and I don't say that lightly!). It's a pleasure to read, and I look forward to reading more in the future.

Choconut



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11
11
Review of MATCHBOX UNDIES  
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi SandraLynn

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it's also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* I saw this in your highlighted section and was intrigued by the title. It's a great hook for your readers. I imagined underwear actually made of matchboxes (although, I don't know quite how that would have worked!). As I first read through, the thing that struck me the most was how much love there is contained within your words. It's a really warm and happy account of your grandmothers and, of course, your beloved Barbie doll. It took me back to my childhood and my Barbie doll, who I loved. I got a jeep for her one Christmas, and it was the best present ever!

*StarV* I love how the narrative unfolds. We start out by hearing how much you loved your doll; how she was your companion wherever you went, and a great friend, to boot. Again, I found myself relating. I was an only child, and my dolls and teddy bears were the friends I played with the most. In your story, you speak with a huge fondness of your grandmothers. One was a woman who constantly used her sewing machine to make clothes for your doll. The other; not so much. I love this description of her: "She dressed like a man, lived alone in a cabin, and drove a taxi." She sounds like a really interesting character. The fact that she surprised you one Christmas by gifting you the most intricate, cleverly made clothes for your doll makes her even more fascinating. It must have been such a special gift.

*StarV* Now, we move on to the title: "Matchbox Undies." The package of clothes you received from your paternal grandmother included some underwear for your Barbie. The underwear was safely packed in a matchbox. Unfortunately, nobody realised it was there until it had already been long lost. So, poor Barbie had to continue her fabulous, jet setting lifestyle without any undies. Poor Barbie! Your last line is perfect: "Only she with her unblinking visage could pull this off."


*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


This is a warm, nostalgic look at a time in your life that was clearly very precious to you. You write with love and humour, and it's really lovely to read. Great job.


Choconut



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12
12
Review of Now Silently  
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ben Langhinrichs, 10 years!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* Wow. You do not do things by halves, do you? Firstly, you decide to write a Wrapped Refrain. Then, you throw in the narrator's view point being that of a bench. That's pure genius. I would be terrified if someone asked me to write this, but you have pulled it off exquisitely. It's flawless. Every word, every syllable, every rhyme: perfect.

*StarV* The subject matter for this poem is pretty spot on, in terms of what is hot right now. At least, in the UK it is; with the poisoning of a former Russian spy and his daughter. It's a great history for the bench to have witnessed. I wonder whether it will soon see a lot more activity again. The idea of secrets being contained within the bench really appeals to me. The stolen words it must have heard; never to repeat.

*StarV* This description is fantastic: "The spies were bold and debonair / They sauntered here with carefree air." I love that idea of mystery and sophistication we attach spies. I think James Bond may have something to do with that. But, the spies that visited this bench sound so suave and clever.

*Starv* These lines are my favourite: "Now silently, I contemplate / The summer's haze, the winter's weight." That's so clever. The Cold War carried so much weight and traffic from the spies who sat on this bench. Love it.

*StarV* The personification of the bench is so cleverly done. I believe it really has feelings. What I love most is how in the last verse, when it is contemplating the world as it is today, it thinks, "I wonder if the dangers passed / If mankind as found peace at last." Wouldn't it be nice if we had! There's something about that thought, that innocence, that really struck a chord in me.


*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


I absolutely love this poem. It's beautifully written and a fine example of a Wrapped Refrain. There's not a word or syllable or rhyme out of place. It's so smooth, and it's also a really endearing piece of writing. Great job.

Choconut



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13
13
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Shishad

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


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What I liked


*StarV* This is a really interesting and unique story. I was intrigued by your title and brief description. I wanted to know how Brian was different and what kind of flight he would be taking in the night. I hoped for some kind of magic, and that is exactly what you gave me. You start out by telling your readers that Brian was born on February 29th . That's a great way to establish his difference from other people.

*StarV* I did wonder what it was about Brian being twelve that made this suddenly start happening. Or, did it happen before, and he didn't remember afterwards? Your first description of his floating experience sucks the reader right inside the story: "He felt weightless as he rose up off his bed for the first time." Immediately, I wondered what was happening. Was he dying in his sleep? Was he dreaming? Or was it some kind of magic? As it happens, I think it was the latter. Whilst floating in mid air, he travels through his parents room, and on to his school. When he gets there, he finds it burning, but he is unaffected by the smoke. It's interesting that he urged himself to wake up at this point, and he was able to. Which made me think it was a dream. But then, his mom tells him the school burned down last night. So, I don't know.

*StarV* This is such a cool idea for a story. I would love to see how it develops. Does Brian figure out how to control where he goes and what he sees? Does he learn how to change bad things that happen? There's so much you could do with this story. So many possibilities.


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Suggestions


I thought this ended a little abruptly, if I'm honest. One minute, Brian is telling his mom he floated through town and saw the school burn down in his sleep (which his mom believes without question!), and then it feels like life goes straight back to normal. It's no big deal. He'll just eat his breakfast and carry on. I did find it odd how his mom believed him straight away. She didn't think he was dreaming, which I would have done. There was no resistance to this magical story.

The other thing I want to say is just watch you lack of capital letters after speech. There are a few sentences that you end with periods, then don't capitalise the first letter of the next sentence. For example, "'Come on, now dear, your breakfast is almost ready.' his Mom said ..." Actually, I would use a comma instead of a period here, and then you wouldn't need to capitalise.

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Parting Comments


I really enjoyed reading this story. it's unlike any other I've read on here. I think there is so much potential, should you ever want to expand. I can imagine all kinds of adventures Brian could have. Great job.

Choconut



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14
14
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi River McKenna

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


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What I liked


*StarV* I wanted to review something for your anniversary, and this poem jumped out at me. As I first read through, I felt so sad. Your portrayal of this four-year old child who is so broken, so neglected and abused, is heartbreaking. It is also incredibly realistic. The first line is a fantastic hook into the rest of the poem: "Little body, crushed with burden." Immediately, I could picture this little boy, withdrawn and frightened. My heart twisted for him.

*StarV* The whole poem is beautifully written and so emotive. But, the part that is the most poignant is the way you change the words slightly in this couplet: "Why do they yell at you? / How do you live this way?" This is how you phrase it near the beginning. When we get to the end, though, you change it to: "You do not care why they yell at you, / You know not how to live, any other way." This lack of hope is just so moving.

*StarV* I don't know whether this poem is based on any kind of personal experience, but it sure sounds like it is. The verse that begins with you saying you want, "To cradle him in my arms for eternity, / To teach him about love everlasting," is particularly raw and genuine. You go on to re-state how this little boy hides his pain behind laughter and smiles, and I think that's the part that really brought a lump to my throat. Honestly, I could relate to that little boy. I could see a lot of myself in him. That made the poem especially poignant.

*Starv* I love how you tackle the subject of child abuse head on. You don't go into details of the abuse, instead you do something that is a lot more effective: you show us the lasting effects of the abuse. You show us the child who has been enduring it, and will probably continue to endure it. That is what breaks my heart.

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Parting Comments


I'm so glad I came across this poem. It tackles a difficult subject in a sensitive and caring manner. It's a subject that is close to my heart, and I'm so happy you wrote this. It's hard to read, but it's absolutely beautiful.

Choconut



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15
15
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Andie

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


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What I liked


*StarV* This story is a wonderful depiction of a soldier named Gabe Horton. Firstly, I love your descriptions of him. His unruly, red hair (thanks to his Irish ancestors) is brilliant. He seems like a quiet, thoughtful man, who probably hates being at war more than most. He comes across as someone who loves his family, and I think he would much rather be with them than leading his troop onwards.

*StarV* What I love most about this story is that it could be any war in any time period. You don't tell the reader where it is set (at least, I didn't pick up on it, if you did). I tried to figure out if the radios were a clue to when it was, but I don't have enough knowledge to say. But I like that because it means the soldier's experience is universal. It is applicable and relatable to anyone fighting any war at any time.

*StarV* I love how the radio signal is lost just as some big announcement is about to happen. So the sargent and his soldiers don't know what to do. I really hoped the war would be over, but you didn't tell us. That's so clever because it highlights the uncertainty and fear that military personnel must go through on a daily basis. It's right that we don't know what lies ahead for the soldiers because they don't know.


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Suggestions


I wasn't sure about the paragraph that you repeated; the one that begins: "The man known as Gabriel Horton rearranged his cap ..." When I first came across this the second time, I thought maybe my page had moved without me realising (it happens!), so I scrolled back up to check. It brought me right out of the story, and when I went back to it, I couldn't work out why you had done it. I'm sure there is a reason, but I just couldn't figure it out.

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Parting Comments


This is a great portrait of a man with a huge responsibility. It's so relevant when you look at world events today. It would have been equally relevant in the 1940s. It's interesting, and it put me inside Gabe Horton's boots for a little while, and I felt for him. Nice job.


Choconut



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16
16
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi ~ Pat ~ 10 years with WdC!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it's also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


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What I liked


*StarV* Firstly, your title is perfect. Straight away, it had me feeling warm and a little nostalgic. As I first read through, those feelings stayed with me. I don't have any siblings, but this poem took me back to playing in the fields where I lived, and all the friends I had. By the time I reached the end of the poem, I had a lump in my throat. This poem is really moving. It stirred some old, happy memories within me.

*StarV* I love the fairytale feeling that runs through this poem. The way you show the two sisters riding through their kingdom on their steeds, fighting their foe, is a great way to show their innocence and the ease with which they lived. I can picture two children, running and playing and laughing. It's such a warm picture.

*StarV* Your end-of-line rhymes work wonderfully. They give the poem a great pace and an even rhythm, which helps the reader take in the meaning of your words. It also kind of reminds me of a horse galloping across the land.

*StarV* It feels like you are telling your readers a fairytale about these two children. The way you contract some of the words to make them fit the meter makes it feel even more like a fairytale. That's a great trick to use. Really clever.

*Starv* My favourite lines ... hard to choose. The poem is meant to work as a whole piece, and it really does. But, I think the last two lines are the ones that really touched my heart: "And, now, remembrance kindles joy anew, / and mem'ries touch as gently as the dew." This is so moving. Memories are so precious, and it sounds as though you have the happiest memories of your childhood with your sister. These last lines were the ones that really got me to thinking about some of my own happy memories. It's not often I do that.


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Parting Comments


I'm afraid I have nothing helpful to suggest for this poem. I wouldn't change a thing. It's well-polished and absolutely beautiful. It captures the innocence, happiness, uncomplicated-ness of childhood: the pure happiness. I love it.


Choconut



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17
17
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewer's...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Shannon turns 12 on 4/11/18!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group, and it is also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.

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What I liked


*StarV* I was intrigued by your title and brief description. The picture you have use used is perfect, as well. As I first read through, I couldn't wait to see what would happen at the end. I thought maybe the mad doctor (Micijah Povey—great name, by the way!) would harm one of the two grave robbers. However, that's not where this story went. Instead, something far more sinister. We learn that Dr. Povey is experimenting with resurrecting criminals who have been hanged for their crimes.

*Starv* I love the atmosphere that hangs over this whole story. From the very first line, the scene is set: "Cloaked in darkness, the men worked quickly." It's so creepy, and I was transported to the dark, wet graveyard, watching the grave robbers work. The language you use fits so well with this time period. It also immerses the reader further into the story. When we think of the 1700s, our minds automatically go to a dark, dreary, and dangerous time. Nobel's vocabulary, in particular, serves as a reminder of the time period we are in. This line is wonderful: " ... 'should we venture to embark on such outages as this on a monthly basis I should think we shall never again be in want of figgy pudding with which to caress our gullets.'"

*StarV* The relationship between Nobel and Willoughby is wonderful. The two men, uncle and nephew, are a brilliant team. The fact that Willoughby is unsure about the whole situation, and he has a kind of sixth sense that something terrible will happen adds an extra layer to the anticipation and suspense of the reader. Nobel, however, is more naive (less educated, maybe?) and only sees the money they can make from their job.

*StarV* This story reminds me of Frankenstein, with the gothic-style setting and the crazy doctor bringing a monster back to life. I would love to know what happens after this story finishes. Does Jonathan Abbott come fully back to life? Does he return to his criminal ways? Does he kill the three men in the room? So many questions, but I love it when a story leaves me thinking about it this much when I finish reading. Your last line is fab! "Jonathan Abbott opened his eyes." Such a tease.


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Suggestions


I only have a couple of minor grammar suggestions. "'Stuff and nonsense.' Nobel said ..." It should be a comma after nonsense. Also, "'Now dig." I would adda comma after now, and maybe an exclamation mark at the end.

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Parting Comments


I really enjoyed this story, Shannon. You have captured the darkness and horror so well in this story. It's clever and beautifully written. I lost myself inside the story, and I would love to read more. Great job.

Choconut



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18
18
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi amy-Very Very Busy

I am reviewing this Facebook Live Script in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group, as per your review request.

*Starv* The first thing to say is I think you're really brave to go live on Facebook. I'd love to have the courage to do that, and I know it must be a huge deal for someone with the username "ShyOne."

*StarV* I love how you draw from your previous experience of going live. The things that didn't work so well for you, you are addressing now. Not only that, but you're learning from them and teaching others, so that they may benefit from your advice. That is a great basis for this live feed.

*Starv* The main advice I have is to check the language you're using is completely natural to you. For instance, you use the word that quite a lot. This is one of those filler words that can make speech sound unnatural. I know you say you are practising this script a lot, so I would suggest you really listen to it (maybe even record it) and think about what is natural, as opposed to what you are saying because, technically, it is correct English.

*Starv* There are a couple of minor niggles. "Even when you are discussing content you are deal with on a daily basis ..." It should be dealing. Also, I would change the line that reads, "I was ensuring that I was familiar ..." to "I wanted to ensure I was familiar ..." It's more of an active and engaging voice.

*Starv* This is a really interesting and helpful script. I'm sure you will do a great job of presenting it on Friday, and anyone who watches it—i'm sure—will learn something from you.

Rachel



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19
19
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Sarah

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group, and it's part of "Celebrating Anniversaries


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What I liked


*StarV* Firstly, I love this story! I was drawn to it by your title and brief description. I was intrigued to know how you would portray Death as a character. I have to say, you portray him brilliantly. He comes across as caring and somebody who takes pride in doing a good job. He is kind and patient, and makes the reader feel as though there is nothing to fear in Death. It's a really moving portrait, and I'm really glad I came across it. I love how well this story fits the prompt of the Emily Dickinson quote.

*StarV* There are so many nice touches in this story. For example, near the beginning, after the nurses and doctors have brought Abby back using the defibrillator, you write of the doctor, "He gently laid her hand on the bed, brushed her damp hair back from her forehead, and turned back to the head nurse." That's so tender, and it immediately gives the reader the knowledge that this patient means something to the staff; that she has been in the hospital a little while. It also made me think the character is young.

*StarV* Your description of the hospital is wonderful. With the beeping machines, green lines, curtains around the bed, and staff moving between patients. As I read the story, I was there, lying in the hospital bed, noticing the time on the wall clock, and noticing the other patient dying. I imagined the tubes and pain whenever I tried to move. It's so beautifully written, I couldn't help but be completely immersed in it.

*Starv* I was so glad Abby made it through to the next morning. I hoped Death would spare her and she would recover. So I was really happy when I reached the end. I loved the image of Death exiting the ward with the patient he really was there for: "a tall, pale man dressed in a white doctor’s coat holding the hand of the gentle elderly woman whose heart had finally stopped minutes earlier. " He opens the door for this lady, and she comments that he is a gentleman. Your physical descriptions of Death are also great. His almost translucent skin and dark hair and eyes are perfect.

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Suggestions


I only have a couple of niggles. In the paragraph that begins, "Death moved away from her bedside ..." you use the word patient five times and patiently once. This stands out a little, as they are so close together, and I wonder if there are other ways you could word some of this.

There is one place where you say, "The painkillers meant she slipped in and out of consciousness, with little memory of her lucid moments." However, this is after Abby has just remembered most of what has happened to her. Which makes me think she does have memories.

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Parting Comments


I love this story, Sarah. It's beautifully written, and so warm and imaginative. I love the relationship between Death and Abby. Death really is the star of the show. He is well defined, and so different to how we imagine him. It's actually quite a comforting story. Wouldn't it be nice if this is really what happens? I love it. What more can I say?

Choconut



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20
20
Review of This Old House  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Bob retired

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group, and it's also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* I've had a poke around your portfolio, as it's your account anniversary today, and this poem jumped out at me. It's so moving! I know, it's about a house, which isn't the kind of subject you imagine will be emotional. But it is! It really is. It reminds me of the song 'This Ole House.' That had a similar kind of feeling to it.

*StarV* As I first read through, I wondered whether this is based on a house that you really know, or even, if it was about a house you once lived in. I think, probably, most of us know of places like this. When you look at their tumbledown state, it seems so sad. Years of happiness and laughter are contained within their walls, but all the memories are leaking out of the numerous cracks and holes. The second verse is the one that really highlights this. These lines, in particular; "This old house once shook with laughter / This old house has cried in pain." It makes me think of the house I grew up in, and all the things it witness—happy and sad.

*StarV* I love how this poem flows beautifully, on the whole. The abcb rhyme scheme helps to give a great pace to the narrative. It's almost like a story of this house. Or a song, maybe.

*StarV* I found my feelings shifting as I read through. At the beginning, I felt hope. You were listing the things the house needs, in order to be restored to a happy, family home. But, as the poem moves along, hope dissolves. The last verse, where you say, "This old house won’t get a funeral / This old house will fall one day" is so sad. It seems inevitable the house will collapse forever. I do, however, love the last two lines: "But I’ll recall its happy times / When I come out this way." This is a lovely ending, and I'm glad that the house will always be alive in your memory. Again, I wonder if it is a house you know well.

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Suggestions


There are a couple of places where the rhythm is a little shaky. "Mother Nature’s claimed the house yard / It’s all in her domain." The first line doesn't seem to have the stresses in the right place, which makes the reader stumble and go back over it. Similarly, when I first read this, the last line seemed a little off, in terms of rhythm. Now I've read it a few times, though, and I know how it should sound, it does sound okay.

*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


I really enjoyed reading this poem. I never would have thought I could feel so much emotional attachment to a house I've never seen. But I do. I found this really moving, and a great read.

Choconut



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21
21
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tim Chiu

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group and it's part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* When I saw in your brief description that this poem is about Vegas, I had to read. Vegas is on my bucket list, and it's one I will check off in the next couple of years. As I first read through, I loved your sense of humour. I love how you start out by saying you're worried because you're going to have to rely on your self control to stop you from losing big. I can imagine that would be a huge worry for me, as well. However, as I read on, it seems it was your friend who should have been worried; not you.

*StarV* I assume this is based on a true story? It reads as though it is. These lines are fantastic. They truly hooked me into your holiday story: "But the minute we got there, my friend had to play / A game known as craps, and he had things his way." I can imagine the excitement of stepping into the bubble of Vegas and being unable to resist the craps table. Your description of yourself as being "squeamishly timid" works really well, too. It made me chuckle.

*StarV* "We went to some shows and some so-so buffets, / And marked the beginning of those hot summer days." Vegas is famous for those so-so buffets, so this description created a great picture. I imagine lobster left out on tables at room temperature and piles of steaks and warm salads. I love how you mention the "hot summer days" here, as it places the reader right on the Strip, basking in the sunshine, with shiny, happy people all around.

*Starv* I love the last verse! It's my favourite of the whole poem. The way you say that you didn't lose all your money to the casinos, so you could afford to eat when you got home, really made me smile.

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Suggestions


On the whole, the rhythm and rhyme works really well. There's just one place it seems a little off: "I just stayed alert for signs of real trouble ..." It does fit with the flow of the poem, but the first time I read it, I stumbled over it a little. I think it's the word just. Maybe, something like, "So I stayed alert ..."?

*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


I really enjoyed reading this poem. It's funny, well written, and the rhythm is fantastic. The rhyme scheme of aabb, etc. gives the poem a great pace. Great job.

Choconut



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22
22
Review of Crazy Out Of Love  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Georgina Elise

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group, and also part of "Celebrating Anniversaries.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
What I liked


*StarV* This poem caught my eye with your title and brief description. I have quite a lot of experience in this area, so I was interested to read your words. I found it an emotional read, I have to say. The way you capture the rollercoaster of emotions. The way one moment, things are good and your partner has changed for the better, then you discover (to your cost) that they really haven't changed at all. I could relate to that. You just keep wanting to believe they've changed. But people like that don't.

*StarV* I love free verse poetry, and although this has an abcb rhyme scheme throughout, it still has the feeling of a free verse poem. I like how you centred it on the page as this highlights the varying lengths of each verse. I felt that the unevenness of line lengths mirrored the turmoil of emotions the narrator was experiencing. I'm not sure if you did that on purpose (I think you did) but it works really nicely.

*StarV* The verse that begins, "You told me you were wrong," is the most emotional for me. These lines brought back so many memories: "I let you cradle my body, / Even though it hurts." I also love the ending. The last line is wonderful: "Sometimes to survive in love, you must let go." So true. Once you finally realise this, you really can start to move on.


*Balloonv**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Suggestions


There are only a couple of places I'm not sure about. "But you were raged in blinded youth." I'm not really sure what that means. Perhaps it could be a little clearer. Also, this line, I felt was a little cliche: "Smoke, mirrors, in opaque haze." I'm not sure it really fits in the poem.


*BalloonV**Balloonv**Balloonv*
Parting Comments


I really like this poem. It's written with passion and emotion, and it certainly brought back some memories to me. But, the end is positive and, although it brought back those memories, it reminded me how far I've come. I'm really glad I came across this poem of yours. It's beautifully written. Great job.


Choconut



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23
23
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi iluvhorses

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

I found this piece of prose when I was perusing your portfolio as part of "MHWA Monthly Mental Health Challenge. As soon as I read it, I had to offer this review.

*StarV* Your writing is absolutely beautiful; as is the story. I note one of the genres you've chosen is 'Experience,' so I assume this is based on real events. It certainly reads as though it is. There is a passion and warmth that can only come from things that mean a great deal to us. It's a joy to read.

*StarV* I love how the whole piece is filled with love. The feeling of togetherness and joy that Christmas brings extends to the hospital, where your friend is really ill. But, the illness is made better (for that hour of carol singing, at least) when friends and other patients and staff come together to praise Jesus's birth through song. It's such a heartwarming picture. I really hope your friend is doing better now. She sounds like an incredible lady.

*Starv* I love your last paragraph. This line, in particular, evokes a nostalgic feeling inside me: "As I drove home the streets were quiet in that particularly unique way that they are late in the evening on Christmas Eve." I know exactly the kind of quietude you write about. You continue to write about the twinkling white lights, and it's just a lovely scene. Really peaceful.

I'm so glad I peeked into your port for this challenge. This is a heartwarming story. It's beautifully written. Great job!

Choconut



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24
24
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Victor Liu

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. The review is part of the Mental Health Writers Alliance challenges.

Please remember these views are purely my own and everyone has different opinions.

First Impressions: Firstly, I can relate to this poem massively. Your title intrigued me, and then I read the brief description, and I had to take a peek.

Voice/Tone: I think the tone is one of someone who has first hand experience of depression. The line, "Why do I keep being obsessed?" interests me. I wonder whether you are obsessed with someone who, maybe, doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them. Or, are you referring to the way depression makes us constantly overanalyse everything and everyone? I think it could be the latter. That's a common part of depressive thinking.

I did question the friend who advised that, "Life is harsh." Do they say this in a 'pull yourself together' vein? Or, were they sympathising with you that, yes, life is harsh? Hopefully, the latter.

Mechanics: This is a poem with two verses; both containing four lines, with an aabb rhyme scheme. The rhymes work really well, and they give the poem a a good, natural rhythm. If I were to point out on place the rhythm is a little off, I would say, "Seems there's not sufficient vitality." Sufficient seems to have one too many syllables. However, it doesn't disrupt the flow very much.

My Favourite Part: I love the relative positivity at the end. After writing about the pain of depression, you give the reader hope that things will improve. The last line reads: "Pain will sooth and hate will cease." It sounds like that is spoken with experience. It reminds everyone who is experiencing depression that the really bad times are, generally, transitory.

This is a well-written poem that highlights the pain of depression really clearly. Great job!

Keep writing!

Choconut


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25
25
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi bobturn

*Dragon2**BurstB*Welcome to the Spring Into Fantasy Raid hosted by the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group*BurstB**Dragon2*


*StarG* Firstly, Happy St Patrick's Day! I chose to review this story because I couldn't resist the title. As I first read through, I found myself chuckling at the naivety of Paddy O'Brien.

*Starg* The thing that really made me smile is the accents you include in the dialogue. It's impossible to read it without an Irish voice in your head. I love that. It brings the characters vividly to life. It also makes the narrative even funnier. You did a great job with that.

*StarG* This line, when discussing Paddy's Irish Wolfhound, is fab. It made me laugh out loud: "A singularly glazed expression shed its light in the animal’s eyes. This was not the first such bubbly treasure it had successfully hunted this day." I could just imagine the drunken dog, lapping up the scraps of beer as they fell to the floor.

*StarG* The ending was inevitable. Paddy should have known to never trust a leprechaun. I think he learned his lesson, though. I loved how he really thought he might find his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and get to keep it.

*StarG* My favourite thing, though, has to be Peevish McNob! That has to be one of the best names ever. It's pure genius.

*Starg* Okay, here is the part I'm not sure about. Had Peevish really lost his memory? Also, the dog. It disappeared when Paddy woke up, so had it run away, or was it actually the twin leprechaun? I'm left wondering about that, even though I know it's not really important. But, that's a good thing. It means I invested time and thought into your story.

*StarG* This is a really enjoyable story that had me laughing a lot as I read it. Great job!

Choconut



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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