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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/purplesunday
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1,376 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.
Favorite Genres
Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.
Least Favorite Genres
Steampunk, sci-if.
Favorite Item Types
Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Chapters from the middle of books.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi amy-Looking Forward

I am reviewing this item as per your request. The review is on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

*Starv* The suggestions I have for this piece are mainly grammatical. In terms of content, I think you're spot on with what you have. You are convincing in your argument that creating programmes once can lead to revenue that will provide financial freedom. I have to say, I was convinced and intrigued by your claims. I guess, the only thing I would say about the content is can you describe a little about the programmes you are suggesting your clients create? It may be that you discuss those in the group after reading this, in which case, ignore this suggestion.

*Starv* These are my grammatical suggestions:
"The most obvious thing that financial freedom will do for you is to make ..." I would take out the words I've struck through.
"You could take that vacation that you ..." Again, I'd take out that.
"The best thing that financial freedom gives you is piece of mind." It should be peace.
"We always find that there is more ..." I'd take out that.
"When all you have to do is start another program in order to generate income this stress decreases." I'd place a comma between income and this to make the sentence clearer.
" ... to buy your services and charging what your time ..." I'd place a comma after services.
"You family life can be more pleasant." It should be Your.

*Starv* The only other thing I would change slightly is the sentence that begins, "You can spend more time with your family doing things together when ..." It reads a little awkwardly. If you changed it to something like, "By releasing programmes people can buy over and over, you only need to create them once. This gives you more time to spend with your family." it is a little more descriptive. Something like this, anyway.

Other than these suggestions, I found this a really interesting article. I'm so intrigued to read more of your advice. Nice work.

Rachel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of A Simple Joy  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Queen Kissy

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This is part of "I Write up to 1000 Words.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. For such a short piece, you evoke really powerful feelings. Each word is perfectly chosen, and the still you create is a great snapshot of your childhood memory.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, which I love. It works really well here as it allows you to use just a few words to paint a picture on every line.

Rhythm: The rhythm is spot-on. Because the idea is to paint a picture of a single moment, the short lines work nicely.

My Favourite Part: I love your opening: "Stale, cool air." Those three words instantly put me into the past. The thing I feel from this poem is the fondness with which you remember this. It sounds like a really special time in your life. One question I have ... What is the "sour treat"? Is that the stale air, or some sweets you bought in the foyer? Or something else entirely? You got me wondering about that.

I have no suggestions as I think this poem is perfect as it is. The way you describe the temperatures, with the cool cinema in contrast to the hot Texas summer, puts your reader right there inside the cinema.

I really enjoyed reading this. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Patricia Gilliam

I am reviewing this chapter as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This is the final Turkish Delight review from your first package.

Please remember these opinions are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

Plot: I see from this chapter that I got the name wrong for the little girl in my previous review. Jernard is the girl's father. I did get a little confused in the first part of this chapter because you say it is an introduction by Jernard, but I started to think Bardin was the narrator. This is where I got confused: "'Your family is being charged with treason, Bardin,' he replied slowly, shaking his head when I jumped up from my chair." It reads as though the narrator is Bardin.

The second part of the story, where we learn about some arson attacks and FBI agents tracking guys buying military-grade missile and satellite components, is really intriguing. I wonder how it is connected to the future world? Also, the past. Because that is brought into the very end of the piece when the "bad" guy gives aliases from FBI databases 113 years old. It's all very mysterious. I know it will be explained in your books, but this gives such a teaser to your readers.

Characterization: As I mentioned, I'm not entirely sure who the main character is in the first section. This made it a little difficult for me to explore his character very much. He seems level-headed, intelligent, and willing to stand up for what is right. He is clearly hiding something from his captors, though. I wonder what. Agent Rossetti is interesting. I think the lines between good and bad may be intertwined in this story. Everyone seems to have something to hide.

Grammatical Errors: Just one ... " Looking up, all the balconies and domed roof above us swayed ..." It should either be "all the balconies and domed roofs" or "all the balconies and the domed roofs."

Dialogues: The dialogues are well written and realistic. I believed every conversation I read. My only suggestion would be to maybe make it clearer who is speaking.

Setting: We don't get to see too much of the setting in this chapter. It is more implied than shown by the mention of futuristic gadgets and proceedings. It is enough to pique your readers' interest, though.

My Favourite Part As with the last piece I read, I love the intrigue and the way we don't really know what is happening, but we have to read on to find out. More specifically, this description is fab: "I grabbed my glass to keep it from falling to the floor, watching the liquid dance up to the rim but not spill." I love that line.

Final Thoughts: This is another interesting piece. I enjoyed reading it immensely, and I would love to read more about this futuristic world. Your writing style really appeals to me, and I find it easy to get lost inside your words. Great work!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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4
4
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Patricia Gilliam ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This is the first of your Turkish Delight reviews from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I love your writing style! As I first read through, I got completely caught up in the story. Your descriptions are wonderful, and I could see this alien world really well.

Plot: I think this is the first in a series (or a book) of tales about a planet called Hannaria. I think it's the first, but it's possible I've missed some out (I'll investigate that). We don't know a lot about the world other than it is unsafe to your main character. I assume some kind of war has been taking place. This is an introduction to this land, but more importantly, an introduction to some of the main characters.

Characters: We are introduced to young Jernard as it is her first visit to Hannaria. I wonder why her family have kept away. Also, why so many people seem to have gathered to take a look at the family and study Jernard's eyes. I'm sure we will find out subsequently. I love Jernard. She is naive and shy and cute. Immediately, your reader will want to protect her. Bardin, on the other hand, is funny and cocky. He reminds me a little of the Artful Dodger. I love how they make friends and run along the rooftops together, much to the chagrin of Ashner the bodyguard.

Grammar: Only one tiny thing: "My mom has been sick for awhile ..." - It should be "a while" because it is a noun phrase.

What I liked: Your writing. It's so easy to fall inside and to see the story from the inside out. I loved the relationship between Jernard and Bardin. Ashner is a great character: a loveable bear, I think. Your humour works really well. You have done a great job of drawing us in and making us want to read more. I'm intrigued by Bardin's mother and how she has been ill for a long time. I'm also intrigued by the big deal about Jernard's eyes. There's lots to keep your readers hooked and reading more.

I realised as I was writing this review I could have the name of your main character wrong. You don't actually mention it in this piece. I took the name from your brief description. But it could refer to one of her parents. So, I apologise if I got this wrong.

I loved reading this. It's warm, interesting, and has a hint of humour that really appeals to me. Great work!


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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5
5
Review of Chapter 3  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily

I am reviewing this chapter as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. You had an outstanding Strawberry Surprise review, so I thought I would return to this novel.

Please remember these opinions are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

Plot: Once again, you have got me anticipating what will happen next. This chapter is about Jon's strength of character and love for his wife. When it ends with him trying to escape with the TV rod, it's the perfect hook to keep your reader engaged.

Characterization: We see how determined Jon is to find Val. His love for her trumps everything else, including putting himself in grave danger. I really like the Mar in this chapter. The way she doesn't know how to react when Jon shakes her hand shows a little vulnerability, and I like that.

Grammatical Errors: I appreciate this is still a rough draft, so grammatical errors are not hugely important. So, I will put them in a dropnote ...
Grammar Suggestions

Setting: Once again, you show us this futuristic world that seems filled with potential danger. I like the descriptions of the interior of the building. I can't wait to see if Jon makes it outside. I wonder if he can even breathe in the outside atmosphere.

Content of the Chapter: This chapter is perfect in terms of content. We see a little more of the world. Additionally, I feel we see a little more of Mar-034. All the clone Mars are intriguing. The adventure really begins at the end of this chapter when Jon escapes his room and sets out to find his beloved Val. The only thing I did wonder about was the table with office supplies like staplers, paperclips, and tape on it. It doesn't make sense that they would have them in 300 years' time. I know the tape is essential to the story because Jon uses it to escape, but I just wonder whether these objects would be obsolete. Unless they are there as a trap; to encourage people to try to escape, and to see who are meek and do as they are told. Maybe that's it.

Final Thoughts: I really enjoyed reading this. Once again, you have left me excited to read more and see what happens. You really do have an incredible imagination. Great work!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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6
6
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi runoffscribe

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This is your second Turkish Delight review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I found more chapters about Sugar and the 'Runoffs'. So I had to read this for your second review. Although, I ended up even more worried for Sugar than I was before.

Plot: I wasn't too sure about the first few paragraphs. And that is probably more about me, than your writing. It seemed a lot of information about something I don't understand. So, it took me a little longer to get into this chapter. Once I did, though, I thought it was fantastic. I have to say, I love this line from the beginning: "Donald Trump come mierda sin sal." I had to Google a translation, and when I did, it made me laugh out loud. My feelings exactly. I enjoyed the second part of the story more than the first. I assume the girl who is sick is Sugar. The sense of danger is well written. I want desperately for her to get to safety and somewhere she can be treated.

Characters: I'm not sure who the guy with the bike who rescues Sugar is. He is trading something with the AztAb; the Hispanic refugee community hidden in tunnels. Is this a real community? Is it based on reality? It's intriguing stuff. I have a feeling we will see a lot more of Raimundo as the chapters move along. Maybe Sugar will hide out there when she is recovering?

What I liked: Again, your writing style is the real winner. I think I prefer the parts where you examine characters. But, that's my own personal taste, I guess. There is definitely more physical action in this story. The part where the narrator has Sugar on his bike and he is trying to escape whoever is chasing her is fab! I was on the edge of my seat, and I'm left wondering what will happen to her.

This is another great story. I felt I was riding along next to the couple, seeing the various buildings and infrastructure, and seeing the car that was chasing them. Again, great work! Really exciting.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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7
7
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi amy-Looking Forward

I am reviewing this article as per your request. The review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

*StarV* The first thing to say is I don't think you need to change very much about this. It states clearly your motivations and the things which are important to you. It is a great way to tell your clients a little about your reasons for starting this business, and also your hopes for what it will achieve.

*Starv* In the first paragraph, I would slightly reword the initial statement. After you write that your family is one of the things which motivates you, I would write something like, "They inspire me every day to move our dreams forward ..." It's a little stronger wording.

*Starv* The other place I'm not sure about is the word Engulfing. I'm not sure this is the right choice of word. I would say something like, "These two words are: love and satisfaction."

*Starv* A couple of grammar points: "Therefore two words stay in my mind as I build my business ..." I'd place a comma after Therefore. Also, "My hope is that “Transition To Success” will be filled with members that share ..." It should be "who share."

That's it. I think this is a really neat piece. It tells your clients about your ethics and it reassures them that you will have their best interests at heart. Nice work.

Rachel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi 🌜 Huntersmoon

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This is your second Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: What can I say? This is another fantastic poem. I tend to forget how much I enjoy structured poetry because I'm so bad at writing it, but when I read a poem like this, I remember. The rhymes, the rhythm, the tetrameter ... it all comes together and makes for a slick, enjoyable read.

Voice/Tone: The tone is slightly wistful. You are reflecting over your life so far and how you wouldn't change a thing about it; not even the bad points. New Year is a good time to look back on the past, but also to look forward to the future. And that is just what you do in this poem. The line, "to always embrace what is new." stands out as important. It shows a certain fearlessness, and it's a great attitude to have.

Mechanics: The tetrameter works well here, as does the aabb rhyme scheme. Combined, they give the poem a wonderful rhythm. It keeps moving the way, I guess, life does. You have adhered to the form perfectly.

My Favourite Part: "The “new” in New Year is a trope." What a brilliant turn of phrase. I think my favourite verse is the penultimate one. "Had I the foresight at the start / to warn 'not for the faint of heart,'” You still would have done everything the same way. That is the way to live your life! And, so true. Life really isn't for the "faint of heart," but that's what makes it so exciting.

Suggestions: This is a tiny suggestion, and it may well be purely my own preference: "I feel time’s just a single breath." I would change just to but. Also, I would add a comma after, "as time moves on." Without one, I had to re-read those two lines to understand it.

This poem is so well-written. I love the reflective feeling, and I also love your attitude toward the future. It's nice to see a little more of the serious side of you, even if it is only a little bit. Nice work, Ken!

Keep writing!

Choconut


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9
9
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi 🌜 Huntersmoon

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This is the first of your reviews which LJ-Catching Moonbeams gifted you a while ago. I'm (finally) starting to catch up.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I feel like I could just put a pageful of rolling emojis and that would sum up how I feel. This is so funny! I just sang it to my hubby, and he loves it, too.

Voice/Tone: The tone is light and funny. But, what makes it so funny, is that it's true. Which is really not funny, if you see what I mean. It's great, though. I laughed out loud.

Mechanics: You have done really well to fit this to the tune of 'Sing A Song of Sixpence.' It works nicely throughout. The only place I felt the rhythm slipped a little is in the middle two lines of the third verse. "Separating," doesn't fit on the first read through. The stresses aren't quite right in it. However, it fits perfectly for the message of the poem, so I wouldn't change it. Also, "and nodded 'yes'" doesn't quite feel right for the rhythm of the song. But, again, I don't see how you could change it and keep it as strong in terms of the message. So, whilst I'm mentioning these points, I would probably not change them.

My Favourite Part: The last two lines are genius! You've hit the nail right slap on the middle of the head! That's a scary thought, though, isn't it? Pence as President. But, it's totally what he's waiting for. Also, "playing Putin’s puppet, / the fake Trump charity." Again, I laughed hard at this.

You are so good at writing political satire. You manage to capture the events and the feelings of a nation (okay, not the whole nation, unfortunately) and write them in a way that is comedy genius. This poem, written to fit with the song, is excellent. I'm going to be singing it all day now.

Keep writing!

Choconut


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Lanyx

*Starv* This review is part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group's Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Starv*


Please remember these are purely my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

*Starv* I chose this story to review because I was intrigued by the description. It doesn't give much away, but it sounded like there could be an adventure ahead.

*Starv* I was surprised to find the two girls had only met on the train. Jennifer is the interesting character. She is being sent to a convent to repent for her crimes — of robbery, hustling, and smoking. An odd mix of crimes. Smoking? It made me wonder what kind of society this is. It seems to be 21st-century living, though. So, I wasn't sure about that.

*Starv* The girls have distinct personalities from the start. Jennifer is bad. I assume she steals the hundred Lobe in cash? Helen, on the other hand, is a girl who wants to go to the convent and stay as long as possible. That's why she chooses it over a trip to the beach with Jennifer.

*Starv* I have a few grammatical suggestions ...
"Jennifer con'ed her travel companion." Maybe it's me, but I don't understand what you're saying here.
"Once Jennifer approved of her companions work, she slipped away down the train." There should be an apostrophe before the s in companions to show ownership.
"In the morning, with bandages around her ankle, Sister Anna approaches her bed." This sentence reads as though Sister Anna has bandages on her ankle, but she doesn't; Helen does. I would change it to something like, "Lying in bed, Helen's ankle ached under the weight of all the bandages. Sister Anna approached the bed and smiled."

*Starv* In general, it would be good if you try to show us the story rather than telling us. By this, I mean to describe the action from inside the story. For example, "'I haven’t seen the sea,' Helen added to the conversation in a timid voice. " Rather than saying she had a timid voice, show us her shyness. Say, "Helen said, dipping her eyes as she spoke." Maybe, show us her cheeks colouring. Using the five senses is the best way to draw the reader in so that they are inside the story watching it unfold.

I enjoyed this story. I think there are things you could work on to make it a really great story.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of LIGHT  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Monochrome

*Starv* This review is part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group's Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Starv*


Please remember these are purely my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

*Starv* I really enjoyed this story. I found myself intrigued by the initial description of the recurring nightmare. I thought the story would be all about the dream. Then, your main character went to college and we got to see inside his head. There are some wonderful descriptions of his lack of confidence and shyness.

*Starv* When the boy comes along who your character likes, I thought the story would be a romance, and the main focus would be the two of them getting together. I believed this until the end when you sent my head into a tailspin.

*Starv* I finished reading this story with a head full of questions. What is real? Does your character really meet this guy at college? Or is everything part of the nightmare? Is the end actually the character's memories of what really happened when he was hit by a bike? I love stories that leave me with this many questions. I know I'm going to be thinking about it for the rest of the day.

*Starv* My only suggestion is to watch your use of passive voice. So, words like was, is, were, are, am, etc. These words indicate telling rather than showing. So, the whole of your first paragraph could be changed to make it stronger. For example, your first sentences: "It was a very bright light. I couldn’t see anything." You could change it to something like, "The light burned my eyes, making it impossible to see my surroundings." By using the burning description, it puts the reader more in the heart of the story. By using all five senses in your narrative, it is a lot more immersive for the reader.

This is a great story. Thoroughly enjoyable, and my head is buzzing with what actually could have happened. Great work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Parker

*Starv* This review is part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group's Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Starv*


Please remember these are purely my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

*Starv* I enjoyed reading this story. I loved the suspense, and I thought you did a great job of building it up. Right from the start, we know that your main character is working at the very top of a sixty-three storey building, in a loft space. This is isolating in itself, especially as he is the only one working there. So, instantly, I knew there would be some danger ahead.

*Starv* I love the title on the main body of the text. It made me smile, especially when I came to the end of the story. It's perfect.

*Starv* The scratching at the loft hatch, and the way he finds himself locked in the loft space, also add to the suspense. I couldn't wait to find out what creature was trying to get to Benjamin. In the end, I think it is some kind of demented raven cross human. If I'm honest, I would have liked some more details of the creature. Like, maybe describe its feathers, what its claws looked like (were they craggy, rough, polished?). For all the build-up, I felt the creature fell a little flat.

*Starv* I also wanted to know why the boss was doing this to Benjamin. Was he conducting some kind of evil experiment? Or did he turn into the creature? Or was it all in Benjamin's mind? It would have been nice to have a little hint about this. You don't have to give everything away, just a teaser.

*Starv* In general, I felt the end was a little rushed. As I mentioned, you do such a great job of building suspense and getting the reader on the edge of their seats, but then the big reveal is over quickly and without much description. I do, however, love that Benjamin jumps from the window.

This is an enjoyable story. It kept me hooked from start to finish. My main suggestion is to focus on the ending a little more because it could be explosive.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Eye of the Storm  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌜 Huntersmoon

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. It is my review for "I Write up to 1000 Words.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This poem is rich with imagery. I love how you compare your life to a carnival ride, to a storm travelling through a town. It's really clever. I've read it through a few times now, and each time, I see something I didn't notice before. It feels like you have said a lot in relatively few words.

Voice/Tone: The first part of the poem—the start of the storm—is loud and fast-paced and bright. When I read this verse, I was transported to a fairground with people laughing and shouting and speaking excitedly all around me. That's how life is when you're young. It's also like the start of a storm. In the middle section, you are in the eye of the storm where all is calm. Life settles into a calmer rhythm, with certain moments standing out and striking you as important. Then, in the end, you move on towards the end, indicated by one word: [Stops]. The storm has come full circle.

Mechanics: This is free verse, which you know I love. You always bring great imagery to your writing, and this is no exception. In this instance, the free verse has enabled you to be super creative with the format of the poem.

My Favourite Part: There are many parts of this poem I could highlight. In the first verse, I love the description of the "eddies of people." It's such a clever description. In the second verse, these lines stand out, for me: "jewels that shine with the brilliance / of the tears behind the Carney's eyes." That's actually a haunting image. My favourite part, though, comes in the last verse: " trapped forever in the amber / of my memory." That's fabulous! Moments fossilised in time. They become mere memories, lost in the minds of those experienced lived them. It creates a wonderful image. I can see a piece of amber with pictures frozen inside of memories I have. I love it.

This is a fantastic poem, Ken. I really enjoyed reading it. I love the creativity you have used with this, and the imagery is just wonderful. Really great work.

Keep writing!

Choconut




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi amy-Looking Forward

I am reviewing this article as per your request. The review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

*Starv* Firstly, I found this really interesting. Well-written, informative, and personal. My suggestions are only tiny changes as I really think this is excellent as it is.

*Starv* In answer to your question about its repetitiveness with your previous article, I don't think it is. In this piece, you give just enough information to ensure your clients know where you're coming from without sharing too much. And, the subject matter of your last piece was more centred around your mother. This is different. It comes across as being much more positive. (On a personal note, I just want to say I know how tough emotional abuse is. I think it can be harder to overcome than physical abuse sometimes. So, well done you; for leaving.)

*Starv* After the end of the first sentence, I would change the next sentence ever so slightly by adding, "It isn't always easy to do, and it took a lot of practice, but I have built a chest ..." and then continue the sentence as you wrote it.

*Starv* "I lived through three years of extreme emotional abuse by a man who said he loved me and whom I was engaged to." It should be, " ... to whom I was engaged."

*Starv* I would change this slightly, also: " ... self-esteem substantially eroded, I started over." I would say, "I chose to start over," because it is stronger and sounds more like you were in control and making the decisions. Which, you were, but this just shows it more.

*Starv* The third paragraph, I would change up a little. I'd write something like, "Writing has always been my passion, so I knew it had to be an integral part of my financial career. I had little support from my family, but I no longer needed it. This is my career, and it is exactly as I choose for it to be." This is just a rough example. I'm trying to say, don't focus on the "negative messages." Rather, focus on how you turned them around.

*Starv* " ... namely that my writing wasn’t good enough or that it was not a lucrative career ..." Should it be "couldn't be" instead? I'm not sure about this one.

*Starv* Where you say you lived in poverty and deprivation, it would be good to tell your clients how long this lasted. Just as a point of interest.

*Starv* "I discovered that my coaching business ..." I would put a however at the start of this sentence as it is in contrast to the previous sentence.

*Starv* When you mention your boyfriend and your hopes for the future with him, it might be nice to say how long you've been with him. I appreciate you may not wish to, but it's just a thought.

Amy, I found this article really interesting. It's so nice to see you open up and share some of yourself. I love the trunk analogy you use in this piece. It's a great idea. I'm sure your clients will really like this article. It will instil confidence in them, for sure.


Rachel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi amy-Looking Forward

I am reviewing this article, as per your request. The review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

*Starv* Firstly, I have a question. Is this article intended to be a summary of 2018? Is it to recap all the obstacles you overcame, and how you have benefited from the changes you made? I think it is. If that's the case, I would maybe try to use a little more positive speech. I mean, there is a lot of positivity, but if you maybe condensed the paragraph about your mother to just the bare bones, and instead, mentioned the changes you made to overcome your difficulties. I'm sure there are people who would love to know how you did that. Because it's a huge achievement. I think what I'm saying is rather than having a paragraph about how difficult your relationship is, say you struggled your whole life, but this last year you understood that your mother is never going to change. You have no control over that. The only thing you have control over is how you respond to her. And say how this has helped you to have confidence. (I don't know if I'm way off the mark here, but this is what struck me the most.)

*StarV* My second point is fairly similar to the above. At the end of the third paragraph, you say, "I have a group that I truly believe will work, instead of always wondering what I am doing wrong." Then, the next paragraph because with you saying, "When I looked back on my group, I was wondering what I was doing wrong ..." The use of this language (the words "doing wrong") makes it sound negative. Even though, when you read on, it's positive. But the use of negative language makes the whole article sound a little negative.

*Starv* I love how you talk about your boyfriend and how his support has meant the world to you. This insight into you is really nice. I also like the fact that you discuss your mother and the fact that your relationship is strained. It makes the piece feel honest and real. So, I'm not saying to take it out completely. Just watch out for the negative words.

*Starv* I love the end. That statement: "I need to pursue them because I am worthy.' is powerful. It shows your strength and instils confidence in you.

These are just my thoughts. Please don't think I'm saying you need to change everything. Take what you want from my review, and disregard the rest. These are only my opinions. In the end, it's your group, and you know best. I do hope this is helpful, though.

Rachel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Nobah  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Lovina

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. This is part of your Seasons Tickets prize.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I love this story! The whole way through, the narrator's voice was really engaging and interesting, and I couldn't wait to discover if and how the characters survived. Your description of the ancient city ruins in the first paragraph is a fantastic hook into the story.

Plot: A creature lives in a land where their enemy hunts them in the dark, meaning they must always return home before the setting of the sun. Which your character does. Until one day when he is lost in daydreams of the ancient city. When he gets trapped by the Feln (the enemy), he somehow escapes on a beam of light. He is transported to Earth and becomes known as the Yeti. What a great ending! I love how you make this the story of how the Yeti came to live on Earth. Brilliant! In some ways, this story reminded me of the last one of yours that I read. The souls and monstrous enemies who wanted to eat your characters.

Characters: My favourite thing about this is how the Yeti speaks directly to his readers. It makes it more personal and creates a much stronger tie between him and us. I really felt for your character when he waved goodbye to his father. It was quite an emotional scene. I also think it's great to see how dazzled he is by the beauty of the suns shining on the city ruins. In this story, your descriptions of the monsters, the Feln, are fab. Their claws, fangs, and ginormous size make for some horrendous creatures.

Grammar: I have a few suggestions which I will put in a dropnote.
Grammar Suggestions

What I liked: So much! From the beautiful sunsets to the personal voice of the narrator. This story is really engaging. I love this sentence: "I sat for hours staring at the ruined buildings, the fallen stones, rebuilding it all in my mind." That's great. Also, this part, where we realise something bad is going to happen, is brilliant: "Until that last time." Set alone, on its own line, this sentence works so well to create suspense. The yellow eyes of the Feln are a great way to show how evil and dangerous they are. I actually gasped when I read that bit. Additionally, the hissing sound they make when surrounding your character is really creepy.

Suggestions: I had a little problem with this sentence: "I scrambled to my feet, now, in front, of me was another of the large creatures." This needs simplifying for clarity. I would change it to something like, "I scrambled to my feet and stood tall. Immediately in front of me, another creature loomed even taller." Just a suggestion.

I really enjoyed this story. It is clever and well written, and I love your character of the Yeti. I had a lot of sympathy for him. Nice work!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of A Time To Die  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lovina

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. This is part of your Seasons Tickets prize.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This is an interesting concept for a story. I like how you build the suspense and keep the reader on the edge of their seats. We know that danger is on its way to the prisoners, but we don't know how close they are and who, if any, among them will escape.

Plot: This is a dark tale of a world following a meteor shower that has left people at the mercy of some Monsters. Ten prisoners are huddled in a cell. The Monsters pick them off, one by one, and eat them alive. I love your description of your main character watching them eat her father. Very grisly and brilliant for this horror genre. In this story, the question is ... Who will escape?

Characters: Okay. I'm going to admit I'm a little confused here. Linda. Is she the main character's best friend? Or is she the main character and the main character is her soul? I thought they were separate characters until the end when Linda says, "'t…they c…can’t h…hurt my s…soul.'" Then, I thought about your brief description, where you say, "They may kill her but they could not have her soul." and I wondered if they are the same person? Maybe I'm reading too much into this. I'm not sure.

Grammar: I have a few suggestions which I'll put in a dropnote.
Grammar Suggestions

What I liked: I love the part where the main character hopes the infection kills her because "otherwise she would find out first hand what it felt like to be food." That made me smile. I also love the friendship of these ladies. But, again, I wonder whether they are one. The main character isn't named, so maybe she is Linda. I find this intriguing. I also love the suspense as we wait to witness the Monsters for ourselves.

Suggestions: I appreciate sometimes it is better to leave descriptions to the reader's imagination, and I think that's what you were trying to do with the Monsters. By not telling us what they are like, we get to imagine them in our minds as we choose. However, I felt a bit underwhelmed by them because there are almost no descriptions. We know they like to feed on humans and they have claws. That's it. It would be great to have a few little descriptions, so we have an idea of the kind of monsters they are. There is one place where you write, "Before she could protest there was the unmistakable sound of the Monsters ..." An unmistakable sound, but we don't know what that is. This would be a great place to describe them because, like this, the sound is far from unmistakable.

One other point. The paragraph that begins, "'NO!' her friend wailed as the man grabbed her arm." is really confusing. I've read it about ten times now, and I'm still not sure who is speaking and what happens. It seems to be more than one person acting, in which case it should be separated into more paragraphs. I'm afraid I just can't understand it.

This is an enjoyable story. I love the premise and I love the way most of the people escape. I think, with a few more descriptions, and checking for inconsistencies in tense and POV, it could be great!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Barney the Banana  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi J.L. O'Dell

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group.

This is your final Coconut Snowball review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Well! Once again, you have taken me on a different path altogether than the one I expected. This is part-story, part-joke, and wholly entertaining.

Plot: This is the story of a banana who wants to get into shape at the gym, but he is unable to find any exercises that suit his slightly awkward shape. It's so funny. I chuckled the whole way through, as you introduced all the different fruits.

Characters: Poor Barney! All he wants to do is get into shape, but his difficult body thwarts his every effort. I feel for the trainer, as well, who is unable to find anything for Barney to do. Just out of interest, I'd love to know what kind of fruit the trainer is. Just so I can get the full picture *Laugh*.

Grammar: In general, you write quite a lot with a passive voice. So, a lot of was and were—state of being—words. For example, "He was feeling a little out of form and thought he needed some color." I appreciate this isn't a big deal because of the kind of story it is, but here, you could put the reader in Barney's head more by saying something like, "His body sagged around the edges, and dimples dotted his skin." Using more of the five senses to describe what the reader is seeing, rather than using state of being words, pulls the reader inside the story more.

What I liked: When observing the apple who is "firm and buffed" Barney thinks, "What a good seed." That made me laugh out loud. Of course, I have to mention the punchline at the end. That is so funny!

Suggestions: I see that this was written for a contest. It would be great to know which one, and what the prompts were (if there were any).

This story is so different from the last one I read of yours. It shows you have great versatility as a writer. I really enjoyed it. Great work.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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19
19
Review of Jackie's Birthday  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi J.L. O'Dell

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group.

This is the second of your Coconut Snowball reviews.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I loved this story the first time I read it for the "Second Time Around Contest. Once again, you have really moved me with your writing. When I first saw the title, I expected the focus of the story to be on a happy, people-packed party. Maybe, even a party where a bunch of kids make a lot of mess. But I couldn't have been more wrong, and I'm so happy about that.

Plot: This is a story of friendship and loss and remembering those who are no longer with us. I love the whole premise of the story, with the two best friends born on the same day and year, both blonde, inseparable. Only, cancer did separate them; permanently. So, Jackie's family has moved to a new town so Jackie can start again and make new friends. At the same time, on her sixteenth birthday, Jackie won't forget Taylor. I love the ending, where they release the balloons for Taylor. It's a really symbolic act that helps people who are grieving. When my Dad first died, Mum and I released balloons on his birthday every year. I think that's, in part, why this story appealed to me so much. I could really see this taking place.

There is something I'm not entirely sure about with the plot. You begin by describing Jackie as being popular and you say, "Everyone liked the new girl." But, right after this, you say, "... everyone at her school thought she was also just a little strange." You say she didn't feel like fitting in with anyone. These two aspects of her character contradict each other. Additionally, she doesn't invite anyone to her birthday party, which suggests she has no friends. It's just a little inconsistency.

Characters: I feel for Jackie. To experience bereavement at such a young age, and of someone she is so close to, must be difficult. I love how she knows her own mind, though. She doesn't care whether she is popular or not because she knows there are more important things to life than being popular.

Grammar: "'I know Mom.'" There should be a comma before Mom. Also, "Jackie’s mother thought maybe there was something that they could do together like maybe going to a movie in town." I would take out the second maybe.

What I liked: The balloons when they are released at the end. I love how Jackie thinks they can symbolise the sixteen candles on Taylor's birthday cake.

Suggestions: Just one point ... Where Jackie doesn't want to make a speech. You show her saying, "'No speeches, Dad.'" Then, we see her loving her birthday cake, and then you write about how she doesn't want to give a speech. It seems a little muddled, to me. I would move the part where she loves her cake to after the paragraph where you describe how difficult the birthday is for Jackie and the reasons why she doesn't want to give a speech.

This is a great story. I really enjoyed reading it, and I like how it went in a completely different direction to the one I expected. It's written with warmth, and I really felt for Jackie. Nice work.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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20
20
Review of Growing with Love  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with PDG Rockin' Reviewers'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi J.L. O'Dell

I am reviewing this on behalf of "PDG Rockin' Reviewers' Group

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This poem is a beautiful tribute to your children and your relationship with them. It is clearly written straight from the heart, and it's a joy to read. Your love for your children is palpable, and the result is a really touching poem.

Voice/Tone: The voice is your own. It's personal and intimate, and it feels like I was reading your words spoken directly to your children. It felt like I was witnessing that love.

Mechanics: This poem is not any specific form. However, you start out with a six-line verse that has a rhyming couplet at the beginning. The rhyme then reverts to abcb throughout. There is one place the rhyme doesn't quite work, and that is where you rhyme heart with light. The rhyme gives the poem a lovely flow, in general. There are a few places, though, where I would suggest slight changes ... "Because I am their father." I would contract "I am" to I'm. It makes the syllabic count work better. Also, the use of the word sweet twice in close succession (the last line of the fourth verse and first line of the fifth verse) stands out a little. Could you use a different word in the last verse? Moving on to the end of the poem, the word true in the last line makes the line a little uneven. I don't think you would lose anything by taking it out.

My Favourite Part: I love the poem as a whole. The way it makes me feel is the special part of this poem. Your ability to evoke emotion in your readers is wonderful. It left me with a lump in my throat at the end, as I'm sure it must your children. More specifically, I love your opening couplet. The image of a boy and girl walking, hand in hand, leaving footprints in the sand (and on your heart) is a powerful one. Also, the verse where you describe your many roles as a father is really moving. It made me think of my own Dad, and how he was a jack of all trades. There was nothing he couldn't fix or, at least, have a go at, and this really reminds me of him.

I love this poem, but I think you may have already guessed that. The suggestions I made are all technical issues. In terms of emotion, I wouldn't change a thing about the poem. It is written from the heart, and that is more powerful than all the technical prowess in the world. It's a great poem. Really great.


Keep writing!

Choconut


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21
21
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi sindbad

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

This is the second of your Chocolate Fudge reviews.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I found this really interesting. As a woman who was born in southwestern England and has lived there ever since I know very little about the Hindu religion and values. This piece, though, has given me some really intriguing insights. You have categorised this as a short story, but it is actually based on your personal experience, I think. Which is fascinating.

Plot: These are your thoughts on what it means to be a Hindu and to pray. It is also about who you are and things you have learned about yourself. The first thing that surprised me (in a good way) is how your mother is different from most Hindu women, and she takes care of her family before she goes to pray. Plus, she doesn't always get to pray every day. I love that she puts her family first. I think this actually heightens her spirituality, and I think it makes the time she spends in the temple all the more powerful.

Characters: Your father has clearly made a huge impression on you. He is a farmer first and foremost, and I love how he prays to the earth and becomes at one with nature and the environment. That is who he is, and it's interesting how you would describe yourself as a farmer above all else, even though you aren't necessarily working with him at the moment. A farmer connects with the earth without any of the egotism or selfishness other professions possess.

The relationship between your mother and father is beautiful. They seem devoted to each other. I think it's interesting how, despite his dislike for fasting, your father fasts every Saturday because it is what your mother wants.

Grammar: Just a couple of points ... "But this internal wisdom and emotion are not fully imaginary; Many times ..." It should be a period, not a semicolon here. Also, "I am not sure whether its related with story ..." It should be it's.

What I liked: The beginning is wonderful. Your descriptions of what prayer is like for you are so vivid and so peaceful. It feels like prayer is really calming and gives you a degree of serenity. This line, which is discussing your Saturday evening meal, is my favourite of the whole piece: "Perhaps romance is the best spice that makes the food tasty and life healthy." I also love this part where your mother explains why she goes to the temple to pray after caring for her family: " I pray to God only when I can immerse myself in the devotion without any worry or hurry." That's beautiful.


I'm really glad your Secret Santa gifted you this review package. I haven't read any of your work before, but I found it both moving and interesting. This piece, in particular, was very educational. Great work!


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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22
22
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi sindbad

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

This is the first review from your Chocolate Fudge gift from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium. It is a gift from your Secret Santa.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Oh! I have tears streaming down my cheeks as I write this. You have written so movingly about this wonderful dog who showed you the meaning of true love and happiness but also broke your heart. I know you have categorised this as a short story, but I think it is actually based on your own experience.

Plot: An adopted dog wins the hearts of all she meets. Pepcee sounds like such a beautiful labradog. Such a typical labradog, also. I have one called Alfie, and I could totally relate to this description of Pepcee: "our bundle of joy, delight, exasperation, frustration." Alfie is all of those things every day. And he is always ravenous, also, and loves everybody he meets.

Characters: Pepcee is beautifully written. She comes across as loving and cute and funny, with a helping of mischievous, to boot. You really tugged at my heartstrings as you described the terrible day you lost her and the red eyes the whole family had for her. Losing our dear animals always cracks our hearts a little, and I don't think they're every put completely back together.

Grammar: Only one point ... "The first. to wake-up ..." The period after first is a typo here, I think.

What I liked: I love the heart and emotion with which you wrote this. It's so easy to relate to this story. It feels raw, and I imagine it was painful to write. But, the result is a wonderful piece of writing. I also love how Pepcee was instantly at home in your house, and how she went straight to your daughter's room. This line makes me feel warm and happy: "Awaiting her Didi to return from school to welcome her so effusively." Anyone with a dog knows how that welcome would look.

This is a great account of a wonderful dog, who clearly brought you a lot of happiness. I love how you take this from your time with her: "Life can be nice if we learn to live in the moment and enjoy each moment." What a great lesson to learn!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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23
23
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi amy-Looking Forward

I am reviewing this article on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group, as per your request.

*Starv* The first thing to say is this sounds like a really interesting group. I like the idea of helping your members transition to success.

*Starv* One thing I think could use a little more explanation is on what the group will actually cover. I know you are looking to help people translate their dreams into successes, but I'm not sure what kind of dreams that includes. I also felt you were a little vague about how you will help people. Yes, with daily features, but what will they include? You don't have to go into a lot of detail, but I just feel I would want to know a little more about what I would be getting.

*Starv* I really like how you discuss your previous groups and where you went wrong with them. It's good to know that everyone faces low points, and the key is to learn from them. However, I wouldn't dwell too much on them as it could give a bit of a negative feeling to the post. You're clearly a determined, tenacious person, and it would be much more positive to focus on that. To show your potential members you have a plan, and that you have every confidence of it being successful.

*Starv* While on the subject of your determination, it would be great to get to know you a little better. I appreciate this is a business venture, but, still, to get to know who you are and what is important to you would give your members someone real to relate to.

*Starv* A few more specific points:
"I was already in Facebook groups, but the leader’s of these groups were actually attracting buyers for their products in their groups." Firstly, leader's shouldn't have an apostrophe in it. Secondly, I'm not sure but is the right word. I'm not sure the second half of the sentence should be in contrast to the first.
"After I had a few members I could, then start ..." There shouldn't be a comma after could.
"It was like a little light bulb appeared over my head, like in cartoons." I would take out, "like in cartoons." I don't think you need to elaborate in this way.

*Starv* " ... and decided that a few daily features would have me posting daily with some simple things that would spark the interest of my members." You mention the daily features a couple of times, but I don't really understand what that means. It may be because I don't know much about setting up a business. But, I feel like I would want to know what the daily features are. What kind of content do you intend to keep coming through each day?

*Starv* My last suggestion is that you end the article with something like, "I look forward to getting to know you." Keep "That's me as a leader," but add that. It will feel more inviting for those who read it. It will make you more relatable, and that counts for a lot.

I hope you find my suggestions helpful. I know I've written a lot, but I also want to say I think this group sounds really interesting. You have done a great job with laying out your business and what your intentions are. I think, with a few little tweaks, it could be dazzling.

Good luck!

Choconut



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24
24
Review of Syl  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

This is your final Orange Creme review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: For my last review, I wanted to read something a little different. I'm so glad I chose this story. It's a lovely, heartwarming tale of magic and childhood. I loved every part of this story, but mostly I loved how the statue held this magical connection between Sandy and her Grandma. It feels like you either have to be very young, or very old, to believe in magic.

Plot: This is a fantastical tale of a little girl who is looking for someone to play with and finds a magical, talking and walking statue of a cherub. Through the statue, she enters a world of magic where all the flowers in the gardens are alive and colourful. I could see the beautiful gardens so well. You describe them really nicely.

Characters: I really like Sandy. She's a great way to show your readers a little magic. She is just the right age to believe Syl is speaking and moving. Her older sister, Karen, is also brilliantly written. She is a typical older sister; always thinking she knows better and always embarrassed by her younger sibling. Their relationship is nicely written.

What I liked: Sylvester Snorkelbeam! I laughed out loud when I read that. I also laughed when Karen said this: "Old people are always grouchy for some reason. She has Arthur-itis or something that makes her hands and knees hurt." I loved the end, where Sandy looks back at the park to see her grandma dancing with the statue, all aches and pains from "Arthur Whats-his-name" gone. The yellow dress! That's a nice touch. I love this line: "The frilly yellow dress made me look like Big Bird's little sister." Her Sunday church dress. Ahh, I remember what it was like to wear those. As I mentioned in the beginning, my favourite part was how you linked Sandy and her grandma through Sylvester Snorrkelbeam.

This is another great story. It left me feeling warm, and with a smile on my face. The ending image of the old woan dancing with the statue is wonderful. I absolutely love it.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut



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25
25
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi ~Minja~

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

This is your final Orange Creme review, so I thought I would review something a little lighter this time. I chose "The Monthly Reading Challenge because it's a forum I've looked at many times, and almost signed up to. I'm thinking I might just take that brave step in January.

*Starv* The layout and presentation of this forum are really appealing. I love the way you have separated the different sections into introduction, rules, awards, highlighted book, and donations. This makes the page easily navigable. I also love the picture of the books as the logo.

*Starv* The rules are clearly stated, and the prizes really generous. The target of reading three books a month is doable for most people (although, I think it depends on the books). I like that you still reward people who don't meet the target but provide evidence of the books they have managed to read.

*Starv* I think it's a good idea to get people to share reviews for the books they have read. Firstly, you know they are being honest about their reads, but also it provides information on those books for other people. It promotes sharing the love of books, and that really appeals to me. There are many ways to share your book review, including by photo or video, and that's really cool.

*Starv* Lastly, it looks like you have really good participation, and that is the sign of a forum or group that is well looked after and fun for the participants.

This forum is a great place for writers to share their love of the written word. I'm ploughing my way through 'Dombey & Son' by Dickens at the moment, but if I manage to finish it by January, I will sign up.

Choconut


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