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1,796 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.
Favorite Genres
Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.
Least Favorite Genres
Steampunk, sci-fi, fantasy.
Favorite Item Types
Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories. Mysteries. Thrillers.
Least Favorite Item Types
Chapters from the middle of books.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Last Date  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi John used to be Trinoir,

I am happy to be revisiting your story, "The Last Date, on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E].

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: As you know, I really enjoyed your original story. There were just a few things I felt needed looking at. Well, this revised version is even better! The story fits together more coherently, and you really tugged on every one of my heartstrings. The ending in the hospital is just amazing.

Plot: A car driver picks up an elderly lady on a cold, wintry night. She is wearing only her nightdress, and she carries a quilt. The story of the quilt is such a clever idea. It represents this lady's family. Every member has a square of material dedicated to them. Their death dates are included on their squares. This woman is the only family member left. I love the idea of this chance meeting, especially when we consider how much it changed the driver's life. It changed the old lady's life, too, for a short while. The couple bond almost instantly, and that is lovely to read. The driver knows they must help the lady, and she is happy sharing her life story with this stranger. Although, as she has Alzheimer's disease, I guess it could be true that everyone was a stranger to her. Not those on the quilt, though. The lady is really living in the past with her lost loved ones. It's so well written.

Characters: The bond that grows between the two is beautiful. I love how the driver refuses to leave the hospital until they have seen the woman. The old lady is such an interesting character. It is impossible to not be affected by her story. I liked how you mentioned getting an interpreter for the driver in the hospital this time round. So we know straight away that there is some kind of language barrier there. The receptionist's behaviour is much better explained, also. She came off as a little rude in your previous version. But, not in this one. It all makes sense, and her behaviour is fine.

Grammar: There are still a few issues here. Firstly, you have symbols throughout at the starts of sentences, and sometimes at the end. I'm not sure if you were using them to separate paragraphs or sentences, but it looks like you've forgotten to take them out. Also, I have a few things I think need changing:

*Starv* " ...limp down the side of the street around dusk It was snowing ..." - You have taken out the comma, which is good. But you need to add the period after dusk.
*Starv* "I caught more glimpses of the quilt and her expressions." - I've noted the amendments needed here in bold font.
*Starv* " ... and into a small Admissions room with compute and a telephone." - It should be computer.
*Starv* " ...I paid more attention and made sure the cup landed correctly and the in line for the dispenser." - I would cut "and the."

What I liked: So much! The story is heartfelt. Your two main characters are both memorable, and I love the way a lady with Alzheimer's and a person who is deaf form such a unique bond. I love how Sophia trusts the driver so easily. The quilt, I think I said before, I wish I could sew because I love this idea. A family tree in a quilt. I love how the lady feels the people through their individual squares. There is a place where the narrator thinks, " I felt she was unaware I was with her; as if she was with the people within the quilt." That's great! It is like this quilt is her own, unique photo album of memories. There is also a place at the end of the story that really made me well up: "Feeling isolated is something no one should experience." I think this is what bonds your two characters so well. They are both adrift from other people in some way. And isolation is, all too often, the result of that. Finally, I adored the part at the end where you mentioned Sophia's memories had taken her home. That's such a lovely thought. It reminded me of my own Mum when she passed away. I know she felt she was returning to my Dad. I'm pretty sure she actually saw him in her last moments because she smiled right before she died. So, yeah. I really connected to this story. Oh, I almost forgot. While I mentioned the typo in the part about the coffee machine, the actual idea of that, I thought was brilliant. Who can't relate to having done that before? I felt it made the story all-the-more relatable.

I would have given this a 5 *Star* rating if not for the typos. The story itself, the characters, the emotions ... All of those got a great, big five. It was just the tiny errors that meant I couldn't say it is completely perfect. I think you have done some great work revising this. I really enjoyed it.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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2
2
Review of The Prophet  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi LightinMind

I am reviewing your short story as one of the judges for October's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Oh, my word. This story is so creative and clever. Right from the start, I fell in love with Danny, and I wanted him to be able to communicate the words God spoke to him. I loved the WDC connection, also. That made me smile when I read it. It's all connected so smoothly.

Plot: A man who has trouble with words, both speaking and writing, hears God's voice giving him a message he needs to communicate with the rest of the world, no matter the ultimate price he will pay.Through a writing group, Danny becomes confident enough to write down the message and spread it through every English speaking church in the world. But, this comes with a high price: the death of his beloved wife. It's so sad. But, it isn't only sad. It is positive because this message he received from God has led to him being able to communicate, which is something he could never do before. This plot is unique. I love where you've taken the prompt.

Characters: Danny is brilliant. He is such a likeable character. I like how he is large in physical build, yet is also vulnerable, and I really wanted his life to turn out okay. I wanted Laura to go back to him, and I was so happy when she did. Your ending, however ... wow. It is a touch of genius. It broke my heart, but, on reflection, I think it was inevitable. I have a question about LightTheFire: Was he the Pastor? Or am I reading too much into it? Just one thought on the characters. I wondered why Laura was with Danny in the first place. It seems to me she left him because he wasn't able to express himself. But, that wasn't something new. He must have been like that when they met. Then, when they get back together, it seems to be all about his being able to express himself. It makes me wonder why they were ever together before.

Grammar: I have a number of grammar suggestions, and I've put them in a dropnote ...
Grammar/Punctuation

What I liked: Danny. He shines through as a determined, gifted man. And the Pastor is a fab character. The plot is not one I expected to read this morning. And, that ending. I think I actually stopped breathing for, like, a second when I read it. Absoultely fantastic!

I really enjoyed reading your story. The half a point that I dropped is purely because of the grammar issues. The plot and characters get a five from me.


Choconut

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3
3
Review of Min  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sumojo

I am reviewing your short story as one of the judges for October's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This story did not go where I was expecting it to go. When you started the story with the girl hiding in the plum tree because she didn't want to wash the dishes, I thought it would be a cute, funny story. But it wasn't. Instead, it is a serious look at the appalling treatment of workers in Chinese sweatshops. As I read, I kept thinking, but, surely, this is exaggerated for dramatic effect. But, actually, after reading to the end, I don't think it is exaggerated. I think this is probably a pretty accurate depiction of some factories in certain countries. It left me feeling a little guilty about the iPhone sitting next to my computer.

Plot: Lu Qing Min (Min for short) wants to escape her home village where she is the only daughter in a family of boys. She hates having to do all the housework. So, as soon as she is sixteen, she moves to the city and gets a job in an iPhone factory. Here, the conditions are terrible. I loved how you ended the story with the Australian girl finding the photo of Min, along with her note telling of the awful conditions, on her new phone. I wasn't expecting that, and it was a lovely touch.

Characters: We don't really go too much into Min's psyche. Everything is told from her point of view, and this is consistent throughout. Her voice is clear, and her descriptions of the factory are excellent.

Grammar: My main suggestion is to watch your comma usage. I would take out a few of the ones you have in here. For example, "The air is different here, it’s hot, thick, choking." You have joined two independent clauses together. I would either change the comma after "here" to a semicolon, or change it to a period.

What I liked: I love the metaphor of the train spitting Min out into the fast-moving river of the city. You describe the buildings as though they are sentient beings who could swoop down and swallow Min up. It creates a feeling of the city being alive and dangerous. It's absolutely brilliant.

I enjoyed your story. I was so glad Min managed to make her feelings known by learning English so she could communicate. I loved the ending. Great work.


Choconut

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4
4
Review of Arnold's Dilemma  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi graybabe

I am reviewing your short story as one of the judges for October's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: My first thought is I wonder why Arnold stays with Greta. What does he get out of the marriage? She is mean. She swans off to get her hair done, costing who knows how much? And she berates Arnold's writing and tells him he spends too much on entering contests. I know I need to get some context. Like, if he enters ten contests a day, then, yes, I get where she's coming from. But, my first thoughts were all how much I dislike Greta.

Plot: If I'm honest, the plot is a little weak. Not a lot happens during the story. Arnold enters a writing contest for $25. He doesn't know how to tell his wife. She hates it when he spends money on writing contests, even though he appears to be the main breadwinner, and she is quite happy to get an expensive haircut. The conflict in this story comes from Arnold not wanting to confess to his wife that he spent the $25. Personally, as he says Greta doesn't usually check their bank account, I wouldn't have told her. And I definitely wouldn't have worried about it like Arnold did.

Characters: I didn't entirely feel Arnold's dilemma. If you could show us more of his emotions, it might be easier to empathise with him. For example, show his shaking hands, his pummelling heart, the nausea inside. Things like those that really pull your readers into the story. You did a great job of showing Greta as a nasty character. I felt a bit scared of her reaction when she found out. I hoped she would be nice, seeing as she had just got a haircut, but she came across as very controlling.

Grammar: In general, you start a number of sentences with the word "but." I would try to cut some of these. It knocked me out of the story a little. I also have a few specific suggestions that I've put in a dropnote.
Grammar Suggestions

What I liked: I really liked how nasty Greta was. You did a really great job with showing us her nastiness. So much, that I found myself holding my breath to see how she would react when she found out about Arnold's contest entry. Although, I suspect she already knew all along.

Suggestions: The ending fell a little flat. I was expecting a a big showdown between Greta and Arnold. Either that, or I thought Greta might surprise Arnold by being nice. Instead, it kind of fizzled out. I also have a question: Why was Arnold worried about telling Greta what kind of sandwich he had made?

This story shows that secrets between husband and wife are not necessarily better when they are told. Some of them, at least. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest!


Choconut

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5
5
Review of Imagine  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Fyn- getting caught up

I am reviewing your short story as one of the judges for October's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Your opening paragraph hooked me immediately. Three ceiling-high, muddy-blue creatures made me sit up and take notice. As I first read through, I was eager to see whether Benson would save the human race or not, and if so, how? I really like the way Benson has to post something on FaceBook in a bid to reach everyone. This is ironic as FaceBook is the cause of a lot of the problems the human race has when it comes to kindness, or a lack thereof.

Plot: Benson awakes to find three aliens in his room. They tell him he must post something on FaceBook that makes the human race understand that all lives matter. Kindness matters. If he fails to convince people of this fact in twenty-four hours, the entire human race will be wiped out. That's quite a burden to place on someone.

Characters: Benson and the three blue aliens. I think Benson does a great job of getting the message across and, thereby, saving the human race. The scene at the end where he crawls back into bed and cries is brilliant. Such a weight he had to bare, it's not surprising he cries. The aliens, I'm not entirely sure why they are visiting Benson. Why do these three aliens get the opportunity to wipe out the human race?

Grammar/Typos: Just a few points.
*Bulletv* "You must convince the apparently, great unwashed masses ..." - I would place a comma before "apparently" because I think that word should be separated. I had to read the sentence a few times before I understood it.
*Bulletv* "Not just Blacks, Not just Asians." - The comma here should be a period.
*Bulletv* "The would of splintering glass ..." - I think this should be "sound."

What I liked: The social commentary in this story. I love how FaceBook is key to saving the human race through preaching kindness. Initially, Benson's first post receives a whole bunch of negative comments, just as it would in real life. But, when he continues to preach his message, people finally take notice. Social media is the perfect way to achieve this. The story is also timely in its emphasis on kindness. I love the message that everyone is important, that everyone matters. You have achieved in this story exactly what your main character was trying to achieve in his life.

Suggestions: I didn't really understand why the three aliens had this power over the human race. Why could they wipe out everyone on earth if people didn't understand that all lives matter? Because that act of wiping them out is saying no one matters. As Benson points out, it is no better than the humans who don't value others. Also, how do the aliens have that much power, when they say they are not as advanced as humans?

I really like your unique idea for this story. It is perfect in the social media climate we have today. Very enjoyable.


Choconut

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi PureSciFiPlus

I am reviewing your short story as one of the judges for October's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I like the idea of having someone who is unable to speak, but uses only sign language. That's a great communications barrier for this prompt. As I read this story, I was glad that everything turned out okay for James and Alice in the end.

Plot: James is unable to speak, and so he communicates via sign language and text messages. At twelve, he believes he is old enough to be left on his own without a babysitter. However, while his parents are out, he takes a note from his neighbour about his sister, and appears not to read it. So, while his sister needs to be prepped for a kidney transplant, he makes a sandwich and spills a little mayo while climbing the stairs. He slips on this mayo and falls down the stairs, spraining every limb he owns. I did wonder how plausible it is that he could have slipped so badly on a "little bit of mayo." I also wondered how he was able to scoot along the floor to his cell and throw balls at the table and the window, when he was so badly injured.

Characters: James wants to be treated more like an adult. Which is a common thing for all children of this age, I think. I love how difficult he finds communication, but how determined he is to be "normal." However, he really messes up. I didn't understand why his parents saw this event as proof he is able to be left alone. He failed to alert his parents to his sister's new kidney, and he fell down the stairs, spraining every limb on his body. That's not really so successful. I did like the way he managed to dial 911 and alert them to his being in trouble. That was grown up, and I understood why his parents were proud of this.

Grammar: I have a few suggestions which I have put in a dropnote.
Grammar/Typos

What I liked: I really liked James' determination and the way he got help for himself. The ending was happy. Although James was hurt badly, his sister got the kidney and he was easily fixable. It is a nice family story.

Suggestions: I didn't think you needed the detail about Alice getting her new kidney. This was thrown in at the end, when I had thought Alice had had an accident, too. It didn't make sense that she would be at her neighbour's house if she was so ill, waiting for a kidney. I can't imagine her parents would leave her with someone else. And, why did Patrick not ring Matt or Claire to tell them a kidney had been found for Alice? He wouldn't have left a note about it, surely? The other thing I had a query over was how believable it was that James — a twelve year old left on his own for the first time ever — would see the best way to spend his time was to sit down and have a two hour nap.

I enjoyed reading this story. I felt there were a few things that needed tightening up to make a bit more plausible, but it is still a very enjoyable story.


Choconut

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Silent Wave  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi debmiller1

I am reviewing your short story as one of the judges for October's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This is an interesting story. I liked reading about the challenge of making the deaf lady understand there is a tsunami approaching. This lady was so lucky that Jim chose to stay and help her. His attempts at miming the tsunami and pouring water over his head are brilliant.

Plot: This is the story of an impending tsunami in Hawaii. Sirens are blaring, signalling the danger that is on its way, but an elderly Asian lady cannot hear them because she is deaf. So, a kind pastry-by stops to rescue her. First, though, he must convince her he is a good guy and trying to help her. I did find it a bit strange that this lady would be sat on her front porch, watching everyone clamouring to escape up into the mountains, and not realise that something bad was happening. She would have realised things were not normal, surely? She may even have felt the sirens vibrating. I guess I just found it a little hard to believe she wouldn't have known a disaster was looming.

Characters: Jim is a great character. I love how kind and caring he is. The fact he refuses to leave this lady, who he didn't know at all, shows what a great guy he is. It takes him a while to figure out she was deaf. Again, I just think she would have been able to indicate that someway. I assume she has been deaf for a time, maybe for life, so, surely, she would know how to convey this to people she meets.

Grammar: I would change this: "Cars inched from a side street into his lane. Their frightened faces broke his heart." - This reads as though the cars have frightened faces, not the people. Also, "That was okay; Jim thought while pulling into an available space." - The semicolon should be a comma.

What I liked: Some of your descriptions are fab. I loved the image of the roads filled with traffic trying to escape as, "clogged traffic arteries." That is a perfect description. The fear and panic you show when Jim and the lady are in the pickup, racing to the multi-storey car park with water coming through the floorboards, is fantastic. I could feel the panic. At the end, when they are safe, the siren's fall silent, leaving Jim feeling "hollow inside" and this is a wonderful image. That anti-climax when all your adrenalin has left you. Brilliant.

Suggestions: My main suggestion is have the lady be able to show Jim she is deaf in some way. I just think she would be used to having to do that.

I enjoyed reading your story. It shows clearly the difficulty in communication between Jim and the old lady. You create a great relationship between the two of them, and I was really rooting for them to make it in the end. And, I loved the ending.


Choconut

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Roari ∞ Escape Day is Open! ,

I am reviewing this chapter as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. It is your second "Rach's Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these opinions are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

Plot: I chose to read this chapter because the description of the book sounded really interesting. After reading this chapter, I'm not entirely sure who the man is who is following Sam. He certainly sounds creepy, with his long, black trench coat and dark glasses. From what I can figure, he is Sam's own shadow. Or, at least, the person who lurks in her subconscious. I am intrigued to find out who he is.

Characterisation: I would have liked a little more insight into Sam's character. You tell us she likes books and she was almost married to Jeff. However, all this information is told to us. It would have been nice to show us more of Sam's emotions. I know she was frightened at first, but straight afterwards, she felt curious about the man's identity, and no longer scared. But, it would have been nice to have a bit of a clue to why she would feel this way. Because without that clue, it's hard to believe. Similarly, when you told us about Jeff, it was very much you telling us about him, not Sam. That's not to say I didn't like Sam and I wasn't intrigued by the man who is following her. Because I do, and I am. It would just have been nice to have a bit more of an emotional feel for Sam.

Grammatical Errors: I have a few suggestions which I have put in a dropnote:
Grammar/Spelling/Typos/Suggestions

Flow of the Chapter/ Story: I like how the chapter flows. It is a great opening to a story that holds a lot of potential. I am intrigued by the character who stalks Sam. I like how you begin at the bookstore, which seems as though it may have significance in the book, then show us a little of Sam's life. In between, we meet the man in the trench coat. I think the flow of the chapter is perfect.

Dialogues: My only suggestion here is to watch your dialogue tags and to keep speech from one character's thoughts/actions in one paragraph.

Setting: There's not a lot of setting described in this chapter. I assume this will come in the following chapters. The dark alley is very well described, however. Very creepy indeed!

Final Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this chapter. I like the concept, and I wonder where you have taken it in later chapters. Who is the mysterious man who has been following Sam forever? It's a great mystery.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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9
9
Review of Blue Light  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Roari ∞ Escape Day is Open! ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. It is the first of your (overdue) "Rach's Chocolate Emporium reviews.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This poem is fabulous! I love the descriptions of the 'blue light hour.' I've never thought of it like that before, but your description is so evocative of that time of night. I could almost feel the cool night air folding in around me. Fantastic!

Voice/Tone: The tone is filled with wonder. It is like a homage to nature. Not only do you show us the 'blue light hours' but you also show us the creatures who live in your surroundings. I could imagine myself walking through the field where I take my dog, listening to owls hooting in the trees. It's an incredibly soothing and relaxing poem. It's like a warm, comforting blanket.

Mechanics: You have stuck to the form you describe at the top of the poem really nicely. What I would be interested to know is if there is any set syllabic form or meter. I say this because it isn't completely smooth all the way through. The first verse: perfect. The first time I read the second and third, I was thrown out of the rhythm a little. I had to re-read them a couple of times to get the rhythm working in my head. In particular, the first two lines of the last verse. The meter seems off which makes them a little bumpy. It didn't really make me love the poem any less, though.

My Favourite Part: My favourite verse is the middle one. I love the way you take us into the world of animals saying goodnight to one another and going about there nightly routines. This is my favourite line: "Owls ask 'who?' of all the wondrous things" I cannot tell you how much that made me smile. It's a great aural description. So clever.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I feel nice and relaxed now to face the rest of the day *Smile*

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Rising Stars Blog  
for entry "Robert Frost (Task 3)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi LorenIsOneOfMyNames ,

I am mentoring you this week in "Rising Stars Summer Camp. If you have any questions or concerns, please, don't hesitate to drop me a line.

This review is of part of 'Celebrating Authors.' I have read your item, "Robert Frost (Task 3), and I would like to offer the following comments. (Please note, these are purely my own opinions. Feel free to take anything that is helpful and disregard the rest.) This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

This essay is really interesting. I have to confess, I don't really know very much of Frost's work, but after reading your essay, I feel like I know a lot more about his character. I find it fascinating to learn about the people behind great works; about what drove them to success.

One thing that stuck out as I read this was how important farming seemed to be to Frost. It may not have been a big passion necessarily, but he always seemed to return to it as a means of earning a living. I would love to know if the theme of farming runs through his poetry. Was he trepidatious about modern farming methods? Did he worry about what would become of the land? Was this what you meant when you described him being nostalgic? Or was it something else?

I really like the way you begin this essay by telling us about your own introduction to Robert Frost. It's cool that you remember the poem that you first read. When you can remember the first poem or essay you read of a person, you know they will hold a special place in your heart.

I would love to know a bit more about Amy Lowell. You say that it was following her review of his work that Frost became more widely known. But, who was she? Why was her review so influential? I also have a question of 'Mountain Interval.' Is this a collection of his poems? I wasn't sure from reading this what it was, although, it was clearly important.

I have a couple of grammar/punctuation/clarity suggestions. "He was called back to the states soon after ..." This should be a capital S because it is the name of a country. Also, I got a little confused by the paragraph beginning, "From there, he bought a farm in New Hampshire in 1915 ..." I think you then continue to say that, after publishing 'Mountain Interval' he taught at Amherst College from 1916 to 1938. But, it's not clear. It seems to be worded in a strange order.

The only thing I would love to know in addition to this essay is how Frost spent his later years. Did he live to a ripe, old age? Or die early? Did he receive much success in his lifetime? Just a couple more details.

I really enjoyed reading this essay, though. You have put a lot of thought into it, and it is clear you have a great appreciation of the man. Great work, and really good writing.

Choconut ~ 7 Years Young!
(Rachel)

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11
11
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi amy-Has a great future ahead ,

I am reviewing this item as per your request. The review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

This is a really interesting letter. I love how personal it is and how approachable you sound. I am not entirely sure what your business is that will be sending it, but I'm guessing it's some kind of life coaching. And, this is very positive and encouraging.

I like the way you move through the various stages of changing one's life. Firstly, you ask the important questions which will determine how serious your clients are about changing. Once that is established, you give the benefit of your own experience.

The advice you dispense is all fantastic. I think you cover it all: good positive mental attitude, a healthy, balanced diet, a good night's sleep, meditation. If we master all of these things, it will be easier to achieve our goals. I love your advice of finishing whatever we start in the day, giving us a clean slate to begin with the following day. That is such good advice, and I had never thought of it before.

I have a few typos/grammar suggestions:
*Bulletv* " ...adopt an 'nothing is impossible' type of attitude." - It should be "a."
*Bulletv* "I am not saying that you won’t fail at times, we all do, but if you have a positive, go ahead and try, attitude, when you fall the landing won’t seem so hard." - This whole sentence is worded a little awkwardly. I would change it to something like, "I am not saying you won't fail at times because everyone does. But, with a positive attitude, the landing won't seem as hard."
*Bulletv* "I do feel that a large breakfast does way me down." - I'd change this to, "because I find a large breakfast weighs me down."
*Bulletv* "Just like a good night’s is the most important item in any lady’s makeup case ..." - I think you missed out "sleep" between "night's" and "is."
*Bulletv* " ...a good night’s sleep is probably the most important part of starting your day off on the positive side." - I might change this to something like, "with a positive mindset."

I don't know how much detail you want to go into with this letter, but I would ask the question of what we do if we can't make ourselves feel positively. What if we do all the things you suggest, and we still can't make our brains work? I don't know whether you want to go into this, or if you plan to discuss it at a later date?

I really hope you have found this review helpful, Amy. I love your message, and I wish you every success with this business.

Rachel

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12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rhymer Reisen ,

I am mentoring you this week in "Rising Stars Summer Camp. If you have any questions or concerns, please, don't hesitate to drop me a line.

This review is of part of 'Celebrating Authors.' I have read your item, "Hemingway’s Wars, and I would like to offer the following comments. (Please note, these are purely my own opinions. Feel free to take anything that is helpful and disregard the rest.) This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

This is a really well written essay. It's absolutely fascinating, and while being informative, it also has a lot of heart at its core.

I have to confess to not having read any Hemingway novels. While he is my husband's favourite author, the only fiction I have read of the man is a short story about a safari. Reading your essay has made me determined to read something Hemingway, though.

I love how you discuss the themes in Hemingway's work, and you make that the focus of this essay. It makes him so relatable, so human. I think it's really interesting that he was on the frontline during five wars. Okay, so he was a journalist in most of them. But, that's still the frontline. He must have seen things most people could never imagine. It's no wonder he suffered from disillusionment and depression. I think a lot of artists, writers, etc. use their art to help them to cope. The fact that Hemingway wrote about his fears and his war experiences makes a lot of sense. Also, the nightlight Hemingway often slept with ... wow. That's such an interesting detail.

It is sad that Hemingway took his own life in the end. How old was he when he did that? I love the quote you cite at the beginning. It made me feel a little sad. It's very poignant. I did wonder why you chose that particular quote, though. Did Hemingway's wife die before he did?

I have one place where I would change your wording slightly: " ...stories ladened by themes of death ..." - It should be "laden."

Finally, I love how you tie in Hemingways novel by saying, " ...in July of 1961, the bell tolled for Ernest Hemingway as he took his own life." Clever. That made me smile (your words, not the fact that he died).

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your essay. Ernest Hemingway was an interesting man, and I think he wrote some interesting books. I would love to know which is your favourite. Great writing and a fantastic essay.

Choconut ~ 7 Years Young!
(Rachel)

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13
13
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Marvelous Friend ,

I am mentoring you this week in "Rising Stars Summer Camp. If you have any questions or concerns, please, don't hesitate to drop me a line.

This review is of part of 'Celebrating Authors.' I have read your item, "Remembering Charles Dickens, and I would like to offer the following comments. (Please note, these are purely my own opinions. Feel free to take anything that is helpful and disregard the rest.) This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

I was interested to read your essay about Charles Dickens. I am a fan of his work, but my knowledge of the man himself was fairly limited. For instance, I don't believe I've ever heard his full name before. I was intrigued by that.

Dickens's personal life sounds as though it was fairly rocky. He had a ton of children, didn't he? I would be interested to know if they are all with his wife. I ask this because of the one named Kate Perugini. Was that her married name? Or was she not born to his wife? I was also intrigued to read that Dickens and his wife divorced because it must have been frowned upon in those days. The fact that he had an affair, however, isn't at all surprising.

I like the way you discuss, firstly, his private life, then move onto his writing, his career in the US, and the tributes paid after his death, including the legacy he left behind. In particular, I wanted to know more about his US career. You mention his petition, along with twenty-five other authors, to introduce copyright laws. This is fascinating. However, you didn't say how successful this petition was, or even what it actually stated. I would love to have learned a bit more about this.

There are a couple of places where I have specific typo suggestions: "Charles John Huffam Dickens Was his full name." - This should be a small W. Also, " ...people were pirating his works in the states." - It should be a capital S.

There are a couple of areas I would have liked you to explore a little further. For example, how famous was Dickens during his lifetime? I know a lot of famous authors didn't achieve a lot of success while they were alive. You mention his reading tours in the US. Did those tours generate a lot of fans? Did he carry them out over here, as well? The other thing I would love to know is, are you a fan of Dickens? Have you read a lot of his books? What is your favourite? I would like to know your own, personal perspective. My favourite is Dombey & Son.

This essay is really interesting. I love learning more about the authors in this challenge. You have written with clarity and great organisation. It's a really great item.

Choconut ~ 7 Years Young!
(Rachel)

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14
14
Review of Robert Frost  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Vaishali ,

I am mentoring you this week in "Rising Stars Summer Camp. If you have any questions or concerns, please, don't hesitate to drop me a line.

This review is of part of 'Celebrating Authors.' I have read your item, "Robert Frost, and I would like to offer the following comments. (Please note, these are purely my own opinions. Feel free to take anything that is helpful and disregard the rest.)

Firstly, I have a confession: I am not overly familiar with Robert Frost. I don't remember reading any of his poems in school in the UK. I do, however, know the quote you have used at the start, and I know this poem. I like it a lot, so maybe I need to read some more Frost.

I am always interested to learn about the people behind poems and works of fiction. I love to discover who wrote them, whose words they are. So, I was interested to mentor this activity.

I like the way this article is organised. The layout is clear and logical. I like your use of headings for the different aspects you discuss. Your punctuation and grammar is first class. I didn't spot any issues with it, and this made the reading experience all the more engaging and pleasant.

You have clearly done your research into Robert Frost. I was interested to learn that he won four Pulitzer Prizes and was nominated for thirty-one Nobel Prizes. That's one heck of a career! And, the nice thing is, it was all in his own lifetime.

After reading this essay, I definitely feel like I know more about this famous poet. The one area I would love to learn more about is your own relationship with Robert Frost. I know the item's briefing was to write about one of the people listed — and that is exactly what you have done — but, it I would have loved to know more about why you chose him out of all the people. I would love to know if you are a fan of his and what you like about him. What is your favourite Frost poem? I appreciate the word count is limited, but a little paragraph giving your own opinion would work.

This is a interesting and informative article. I enjoyed reading it, and I'm going to look up some of Frost's poems after I finish this review. So, great job. You have piqued my interest in this poet I know little about.

Great work!

Choconut ~ 7 Years Young!
(Rachel)

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15
15
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Kåre Enga back in Montana ,

I am reviewing your essay as one of the judges for April's official contest, "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thank you for entering.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

I love the title of your essay. I think most of us probably feel that we spent the last year playing dead.

Before I continue with the review, I have to ask: You've been to forty countries? Wow. That's incredible.

I like the way you have set out the essay. You begin with a small personal introduction, then proceed to ask questions of different sets of people and items, highlighting the unfairness of the pandemic. I especially like how you don't just question people, but also you rail against xenophobia ad travel restrictions. That's clever. All the issues and problems that became magnified during the pandemic are addressed really well.

I understand the difficulties you mention in the last paragraph. I also understand your frustration at the selfish whining of certain members of society. Also, the inequalities for certain people. You highlight this in this part: "no one welcomed from Black Africa where infections were low while Texans and Iowans went wherever planes could go. O Business Class... these restrictions never applied to you." This sums it all up. As with everything, if your skin is the right colour and you have enough money, the rules for the masses don't necessaerily apply to you.

Your essay ends with a few words about some of the difficulties you have faced during the pandemic, and you end with a little positivity. You are looking forward to being able to travel again. You are looking forward to life returning to some kind of normal. As are all of us.

Thank you for submitting your essay to "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. I enjoyed reading it. Great writing!



Choconut

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16
16
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Graham B. ,

I am reviewing your essay as one of the judges for April's official contest, "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thank you for entering.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

Wow. This is a powerful essay. Not only do you describe a country and its people with incredible clarity, but you also subtly question the US's time in Afghanistan. You show us how difficult the situation is. You show us hope, futility, and a never-ending cycle of invasions of this "unreasonably important" land.

I love the first paragraph You set the scene of you travelling in the tank through the dusty countryside of Afghanistan. "In 2010 I looked out of an armored vehicle at a landscape of stark beauty; of mustard-colored rock broken up by shocking green foliage and indomitable trees, whose stubborn roots pried their way into cracks in the rock." This is a fantastic opening. It really grabs the reader's attention, and it had me completely hooked.

When you continued to describe the people in the tank with you, I found Sergeant Marcus Reid really affected me. This description is really sharp: "His scars ran much deeper than the one which twisted from his left hand to his elbow."

Although you don't overtly introduce a specific question in this essay, it is there via your summation of the state of the country before and after the US invasion. You question whether America really changed Afghanistan, or was it more the other way around? That is such a clever question, and one I'd never really thought about before.

You show us past events that were similar to the US's invasion, other countries who had done the same thing. You showed us how resilient the country is. I think you are saying that there will always be countries wanting to fight. It is like history is on a constant re-run, only each time the details are slightly changed. That's quite a depressing thought.

There is, however, hope. We just have to want it. You describe the Afghan police officer whose daughter is studying maths and science. Progress.

The whole of your last paragraph is fantastic. In particular, this description of the police officer: "A man who, despite the worldwide circumstances that have come crashing down upon his head, dreams of a future where his child grows up to be a healer." That brought a lump to my throat.I hope his daughter gets to fulfil her dream.

Thanks for sharing your essay. It is incredibly emotive and informative, but it also has some beautiful descriptions. Great work!

Choconut

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17
17
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi hullabaloo22 ,

I am reviewing your essay as one of the judges for April's official contest, "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thank you for entering.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

As I first read through your essay, I found myself nodding along with every word. I can relate to just about everything you say in it. It may not help, but you really aren't alone.

I like your description of Brain Fog. It is something I've started to experience over the last year, and I wondered if it was down to medication, or my age, or depression. Even, as you state, the worry of Alzheimer's setting in sets off big-time anxiety. It is actually comforting to know that other people have the exact same thoughts. I could really relate to the "losing your words" part. When I finally met up with friends after not seeing them for months, it was like I'd forgotten how to have a conversation.

As I continued to read your essay, I found the part about extroverts and introverts really interesting. You are right that extroverts found ways around lockdown, via Zoom and other means. I'm sure they kept themselves busier, too. I think it's about turning your situation around, about finding whatever it is that might help. Although, when you have brain fog and your motivation levels are zapped, it's very hard.

I noticed a formatting issue where you returned down a line in the wrong place:
"Having m
issed no more ..."

The last thing I want to mention is your difficulty in reviewing. You said you feel as though you don't have the right to comment on the work of others. Again, I've been there. But, the thing is, your reviews are purely your own opinions, and your opinions are every bit as valid as anyone else's. You can think whatever you want to think. If the recipient doesn't like your review and responds badly, that says more about them than your review. Just delete them and move on. I only focus on this because reviewing is a really good way to get inspiration for writing, and it seems that you are sad that you aren't writing much anymore. Reading the work of others might help to inspire you.

This is an emotive, personal essay that left me feeling for you. I hope you are able to write more and review more and gain some more confidence in your abilities. Thank you for sharing this essay. Nice work.

Choconut

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18
18
Review of Second Thoughts  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Words Whirling 'Round ,

I am reviewing your essay as one of the judges for April's official contest, "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

This is a fantastic essay. It is well thought out, informative and emotive, and everything you say is backed up with common sense and facts.

As a Brit, I found some of the facts you mentioned fascinating. Like, near the start, you say, "The United States was conceived as a group of states bound together for purposes of defense and commerce ..." I had never considered this before. It actually makes me understand a little better how the US is knitted together. I didn't understand how different states could have different laws. But this explanation makes sense. So, thank you for that.

I also love how you explain the Second Amendment by saying, "So, the members of the state militia were often private citizens who owned their own muskets and came together as needed for the common defense." This helps me to understand the original intention of the legislation. I know that the most common argument I hear in defence of owning guns is that it's a constitutional right, and I've always thought how that right was given in totally different circumstances to those we have today. Now, though, I truly understand the original intent. And it is quite different to its modern-day interpretation.

Your essay is persuasive and passionate, and the fact that you write it as someone who has hunted with guns in the past adds more credence to your words. I also thought it interesting that the self-defence argument is debunked completely when you look at how many deaths from handguns were people who were shot in self-defence? As a percentage of all handgun deaths, I'm not sure. But I imagine it is miniscule.

I would be interested to learn how you think the US could achieve the 28th Amendment to rewrite the gun laws. It seems such a simple thing to do, but at the same time it's possibly the toughest challenge anyone would have in the US. Do you think it is even possible? I would like to think it is.

This is a thoroughly engaging essay. You pose some important questions and have some suggestions for solutions to the gun problem that I would hope to see happening sometime soon. This is well-written, informative, and provides excellent food for thought. Great work.



Choconut

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19
19
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ari Lox ,

I am reviewing your essay as one of the judges for April's official contest, "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thank you for entering.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

The first thing to say is I love your presentation. Even before I began to read, I liked the bold headers for each section, and the graph is a great inclusion. I love to have visuals to help me to understand.

The subject of Bitcoins is one I'd never really thought about before. I think the main reason is I don't understand it. I've read articles about it before, but I can't get my head around how something entirely online, so only existing in the ether, can be used for anything other than saying, "Hey, I've got some Bitcoins. Online. You can't see them, but they're there." No. I just don't get it.

Your essay is well laid out. You begin with a short history of the currency, then pose the three questions we must ask ourselves before making an investment (or not). You then answer those questions. Firstly, how Bitcoins may affect our portfolio and living expenses in retirement. Secondly, the value of Bitcoins and how this changes all the time. Finally, the risks and how much of a gambler and risk taker we are. These three things are what we need to consider when contemplating Bitcoins. I guess, from reading your essay, it is like buying shares in a company. Am I on the right track?

I noticed this spelling mistake: "Will fifty-five thousand dolalrs seem wildly overdone ..." - It should be "dollars."

You conclude your essay with the reasons why a Bitcoin investment might work for you. Only in certain circumstances, you say. I love how you refer to the currency as, "the fancy child of the internet age." That's a clever, little description.

I definitely feel like I understand Bitcoins a little better after reading this essay. I'm pretty sure they aren't for me, but, hey, never say never. Great work!

Choconut

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20
20
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Thankful Sonali Wdc POWER RVW! ,

I am reviewing your essay as one of the judges for April's official contest, "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thank you for entering.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

Firstly, I love the way you start this essay with a quote from "Jabberwocky." To take the "jab" part of the title and link it the Covid vaccine is a unique starting point. It's a really clever connection to make. Especially, as you continue to discuss how nonsensical the poem is, and then compare that to the many different versions of information we are given in relation to Covid.

I love how you write from the heart. You have a case to make — that humans have screwed ourselves and the world over — and you make it eloquently and persuasively. It's a very emotive essay. I particularly like the part where you list the things we have been doing during the pandemic, and you say, "watching the news, avoiding the news." You capture the feelings of the entire world in those few words.

I have to pick out your mention of "King Lear" and Isaac Newton. I never knew some say Shakespeare wrote "King Lear" while he was in quarantine. Similarly, I didn't know Newton developed the fundamentals of calculus while in quarantine. I guess these two things actually make sense. When you think about all the musical instruments learned to play during lockdown or all the books written, it all makes sense.

I like your stance. You seem to believe that problems arise when we abuse the earth (which I never before noticed is an anagram of heart). These two sentences really gave me the feels. "We must live. we must understand that life is a gift. We must understand that the fragile nature of this gift is what makes it beautiful." You're right. Live is a gift, and it is very fragile.

I think, in the end, you are saying you think the vaccine is a good thing. But, really, what we could use is, "a jab against our own greed, our own self-centredness, our own sense of entitlement." Wouldn't that be something? In the meantime, though, I'm happy to make do with the Covid jab.

This is a great essay. I really enjoyed reading it.


Choconut

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21
21
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi LightinMind ,

I am reviewing your essay as one of the judges for April's official contest, "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thank you for entering.

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

Firstly, I love the way you have set out your essay. You begin with the paragraph saying, "America's bridges are fallen down" which is a really clever premise. After telling your readers about the problems your country is facing, you then look at the reasons why.

After reading the details under your "What Is Being Proposed And Why?" I admit, I was wondering where the problem lies with these proposals. My disclaimer is I am not American, so I don't know a lot about policies. However, this essay is very informative. I've never before considered the two-party problem, for example. That is, not until this last election. My husband is American, so we were glued to the news for a few months running up to January.

When I came to the section of why Biden's plans will have problems in coming to fruition, I was interested to see what you would write. I have heard of Mitch McConnell's Trojan Horse theory. I'd never really considered it worth worrying about ... until now. Similarly, the higher taxes for corporations, I know my hubby has mentioned this before. But, there is always a lot of resistance to it. With regards to healthcare, I completely agree with your thoughts on that. Big Pharma does not bring good things to the people who need healthcare the most. I feel so lucky to have the NHS in the UK. It may not be perfect, but everyone gets treated with no preferential treatment through them.

It is hard to know the answer to the country's problems. I think you got it right when you mention the partisan politics where one side doesn't support the other. There is way too much partisan politics today, and in order to make a real difference, politicians need to put the country first, the people of the country first; and not themselves and their giant-sized egos. The "Me-First" society you speak of needs to be over.

I think the US does have it in its power to come back from where it is right now. It has overcome bad times in the past. But it does mean politicians will have to become honest and selfless. Can that happen? I don't know.


Choconut

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22
22
Review of Deserted island  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Maryann ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. This review comes to you via my Chocolate Emporium. It is a gift from Lornda.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I love your opening paragraph! Your description of the island paradise is vivid, and I could clearly see the scene. And I really wanted to be there! You really have a great hook at the start of the story. I could have read pages about this wonderful South Pacific island.

Plot: I had no idea this story would end where it did. As I first read, it felt as though something big was going to happen, but I imagined some kind of creature attacking them, or them turning on one another somehow. But I was totally wrong. When the war was announced on the radio, I did a physical double-take at my computer screen. I had to re-read that section. What a fantastic twist! I love how you end this story with uncertainty about what would happen to the four friends. Writing, "The End?" is brilliant. That question mark is a touch of genius.

Grammar: I have a few suggestions which I have put in a dropnote.
Grammar Suggestions

What I liked Your descriptions of the island are lush and sensory and just fabulous. The end is a wonderful surprise. You left me contemplating who would be better: Ken, who could have perished in a nuclear attack, or the four friends stuck on the island by themselves for all eternity.

This is a great read, Maryann. Really immersive. I absolutely loved it.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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23
23
Review of Morning Snow  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi PiriPica ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This is your second Turkish Delight review from my Chocolate Emporium.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I had never heard of this form of poetry before, so I was interested to read your poem and see how it works. After researching the rules and reading this, I have to say, I love the form. I am going to have to try to write one now. I think it will be a challenge, but it's one I want to try.

Voice/Tone: This is like a lament for the unseasonal, cold, and snowy weather you have had in April. I can really relate today because we had a couple of inches of snow in southern England a couple of weeks ago, and we keep getting a sprinkling of it every few days. I have railed against April in this same way, demanding better weather.

Mechanics: This poem fits a Koel perfectly. Each stanza, and the poetry overall, completes a thought or feeling that is how we feel when we see those white flakes falling at this time of year. You have the rhymes spot on, also. Your middle lines are really good. Those, I think, must be the difficult lines.

Rhythm: The last stanza seems to not work quite as well as the rest. I've tried to figure out why it feels a little off, and I think it is in, "warms me through." It feels like it's missing a beat. Which, technically, I don't think it is. But if feels off.

My Favourite Part: I love the cleverness of the poem. This form looks like quite a tricky one to write, and you have done it very well. I love: "April, you have tricked me so." This made me smile. April is good at lulling us into a false sense of security.

Suggestions: I just have one query. "filling me with an urge to go." This line doesn't have any kind of qualifier, and I found myself wondering where you had an urge to go.

This is another fab poem. I really enjoyed reading it. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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24
24
Review of Soup of the Day  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi PiriPica ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. It is the first of your Turkish Delight reviews from my Chocolate Emporium.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I was initially drawn to your brief description for this poem. That crossover between soup and love intrigued me. And, I have to say, I love what you did with it. The soup is really secondary to your feelings for the person who serves you. This poem made me smile as I read about your shy crush on his person and, ultimately, the good soup you eat every day because of it.

Voice/Tone: The tone is light and warm, and the narrative voice makes me route for you in your quest for love.

Mechanics: This is a perfect Shakespearian Sonnet. You have the rhyme scheme and rhythm spot on. This makes the poem skip song at a great pace.

My Favourite Part: I love your rhyming couplet at the end: "I wouldn't have it any other way, / She usually makes good soup each day." That's so sweet. I did wonder, though, why you said she "usually" makes good soup. Does that mean sometimes it isn't good? I also love this line: "Although the hunger's really in my heart." I love this acknowledgment that it's not really the soup you are in love with.

This is a really great example of a Shakespearian Sonnet. It is also a sweet love poem. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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25
25
Review of Moment of Truth  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Elle (she/her)

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. This is your second Mad Hatter's review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. This is powerful stuff. Your title drew me to this poem. However, as I read through the whole poem, the passion with which you write, particularly near the end, makes this title seem a little lacklustre. I can't think of another way to say it. It just feels like it would be better with an impassioned statement or plea. Because this poem is about passion and injustice and subjects that stir up a lot of emotion. Or, even, if you chose just one word that stands out, like, "Unchecked,' for example. Something a bit edgy that will pique your readers' interest.

Voice/Tone: Your voice comes across clearly in this poem. Your words call for people to end their prejudices that are based on things as ridiculous as the colour of one's skin. You ask us to try to understand what it is like to grow up facing this on a daily basis. But, all the time, you are speaking of how the world is changing, and now is the time to act to make things more equal. The whole poem is like a rally cry, a call to arms if need be. Your voice sounds angry, and rightly so. It is compelling, and the passion is very powerful.

Mechanics: I don't think this is a set form, except that it follows the rhythm of Savage Garden's 'Affirmation.' The rhythm is spot on. It all flows nicely. I like the rhyme scheme of aabbcc ddeeff, etc. It gives the poem a fluid feeling. When I read it aloud, it sounded good.

My Favourite Part: These two lines are so, so good: "This is not 'agree to disagree' like what brand of cola you select, / this is that moment where no longer can evil go unchecked." I love that metaphor of something as ordinary as your favourite brand of cola. It reminds us how much this kind of hatred and racism is in our society. It is everywhere, and people who aren't born as privileged as we were have to live with it constantly. When the Black Lives Matter movement first became big last year, I tried to put myself in the shoes of a young, black man who runs from the sight of a police officer even though he has done nothing wrong. I tried to imagine how his experiences would cause him to do that, and I my conclusion was: I could never imagine that because I am a white woman in the UK. But, back to your poem. I love that idea of evil no longer going unchecked. I wish we could get to that place, but I think we have a long road ahead of us. You're right, though, to sit back and do nothing, no matter how small, puts you on the side of those who do wrong by your complicity. Something like writing this poem is a great way to help to raise awareness and to make people examine their own lives.

Suggestions: I only have one minor suggestion. This is entirely up to whether you want to change or not. Each time I read this poem, I stumble over this line: "Some ask the 'why now?' question, some stuck on 'but why me?'" The "stuck on" part doesn't sound right. I think it's because "stuck" doesn't work in this tense. I would maybe change it to, "some stick on 'but why we?'" Or, maybe, "stick with."

This is a great poem. It is filled with passion, and it is emotive. Plus, it's really well written. Your language is perfect for the subject matter, and you maintain a great rhythm and rhyme scheme. What more can I say? I love it.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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