Hi Jellyfish 
I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. This is your last review as part of intuey's raffle.
My first thoughts: I really enjoyed reading this story. I love how you build the sexual tension throughout, and by the end, the reader is rooting for Cleo and Santi to get it on. I'm so happy they did!
Plot: This is the tale of two actors—Cleo and Santi— who are taking part in a play together. They have a sizzling sexual chemistry, and you lay this bare, for the reader to see throughout every line of the story. The only problem is Cleo is pushing forty, but Santi is mid-twenties. I must admit, I wasn't sure why this was a problem, so I was happy when Santi said he didn't care. I love how you throw in the couple of chorus girls who hang around Santi, hoping for any scraps he might throw them. It gives the reader cause for doubt. We wonder whether Santi might sleep with one (or both) of them and blow Cleo off. But he didn't.
Characters: Cleo is a great character. Her insecurities about her age made me think of lots of possible outcomes for this story. The way you had Santi almost die on stage at the beginning (with lots of fake blood over him) made me think maybe Cleo would kill him in a jealous rage. I'm glad you showed Santi to be a good guy, though. Despite the temptations of the girls who sipped "their alcopops out of straws," he wanted to be with Cleo. I like him.
Grammar: I spotted a couple of issues (I appreciate you wrote this a couple of years ago, so it may well be you have already fixed these things). When you write a piece of dialogue and put a speech tag after it, don't capitalise the first letter of that tag. So, for example, "'“Five minute call, Cleo,' He said." It should be he. Don't forget, always use commas either side of names. ("Jesus Cleo, you PLAY my Aunt.") This one is more specific. You missed a comma after the second drink. "I could match him, drink for drink and I always liked those nights."
This part confused me: "I don’t know whether Ashleigh appreciated the innuendo although a look from him suggested that he had understood." I had to read this a few times, and I'm still not entirely sure I understand. Ashleigh is a girl, so if you're saying Ashleigh understood the look, it's a typo to say he. Or, do you mean Santi understood the look? In which case, I would rewrite this line to give more clarity.
What I liked: I love the story. I love your characters. They are beautifully written, and I liked them both very much. I love the ending. It's everything I hoped for. Specifically, I love this description, when Santi first kisses Cleo: "When he pulled away I felt like he had taken all my breath with him." That's lovely. So relatable. There's something innocent and fresh about it, and I found that really appealing.
Suggestions: I have one suggestion. Watch your was words. You have used quite a few of them, and it gives the narrative a passive voice. Try to find stronger, more descriptive verbs. So, for example, this line could be changed: "He was standing closer to me than was necessary - it was almost winter and the beer garden was not full, but I did not step back." Something like, "Outside, Santi stood so close I could feel his body heat. Despite the frost nipping at my nose and ears, my core radiated warmth." Obviously, in your own words, as mine are not the best.
I really enjoyed reading this. It's a great story with characters who stand out. A great read!
Most importantly, keep writing!
Choconut
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| (4.5)
| (4.0)
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Wow. That's the first word that comes to my mind. This essay is fantastic. I was completely immersed in it from start to finish. Not only is it well written, and following a logical course through each point you make, but it's also emotional and it really does make the reader pause and reflect. Just ... wow.
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I can't believe I've never encountered your poetry before! I've just spent a while reading through your portfolio, and you write beautiful poetry. It was hard to decide which piece to review, but I decided on this one because I love the story. It's intriguing and endearing and beautifully written. I note that one of your genres is 'Experience,' and it sure shines through that you really knew of this lady.
I found your short story on the Power list of items to review. Your title intrigued me, and I had to take a look. As I first read through, I found myself laughing the whole way through. You write comedy so well. At the same time, you give your readers two characters who (even though they should be nasty) are really endearing.
"They came into a small room with chairs and a potted man eating plant." You need some punctuation here to make this clearer. When I first read it, I got a potted man who was eating a plant. I would write, "potted, man-eating plant."
. This poem is one I can relate to a lot. I love how your depression is a dark horse, rather than a dog. This is a great way to show how huge and powerful it is. I also find it interesting how you sound almost fond of your dark horse. It's like your friend as well as your foe, and I think most people who have suffered for any amount of time will know how true this is. 
