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1,735 Public Reviews Given
1,736 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
First, this doesn't really feel like it falls into a category of a poem, it is more of an open letter to a dear friend. It is like a short essay on friendship. Aside from the mis categorization this really is a good piece of writing showing the true nature of the friendship.

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427
427
Review of Words of Wisdom  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a short piece that seems to suggest the pathway to a happier life. I wish it were this easy for me. I don't think it is a path I am capable of following. no matter how hard I try, I can see myself falling from the path like a rope bridge and crashing even deeper into the rough places in my life. I guess I just don't trust myself enough.

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428
428
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ouch, This is a story of a chance for love that was missed for lack of action. The poem keeps bringing you back to the line
But I should have called her back.
I haven't experienced a lost chance of love like this but this poem makes me feel the pain of it. I love the word choices.

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429
429
Review of Ely's Highs  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
That is a wicked trip. All hallucination all the time. I would suggest to make it slightly more readable that you put a second return between paragraphs. Wdc doesn't automatically indent paragraphs and they do tend to run together without the extra space. Especially in such a trippy piece you need to make it marginally more readable.

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430
430
Review of Book of Hebrews  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this piece would be strengthened by first quoting the scripture then breaking down the meaning. there is a quotation tool in the bar above the text box next to the pre with the re underlined. to use it type in the text you are quoting then highlight it and click the quotation tool it will put writingML around the quote like this {quote}{/quote} then you can continue on to discuss the meaning of the scripture.

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431
431
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is strong with biblical references, I will give you that. But perhaps you could effect more change if you give specific examples of modern systems that are ignoring scripture. This only provides information to those knowledgable in the bible. To properly rebuke the wrong doing you must lay out the wrongs clearly so that the perpetrators know where they have gone wrong. The can't fix what they don't see as broken.

Basically, you have added god's knowledge, you need to add your observations of modern circumstances. I read the description expecting you to lay out the ways in which the government and society were acting contrary to god's word. I was really looking forward to your observations.

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432
432
Review of Life after Loss  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a lovely poem, it expresses the emotion of grief and loss very well. Might I suggest you check out
GROUP
The Grief Hostel Group   (18+)
Join an active support group in your time of need. We also celebrate victories over trauma
#1984506 by Nixie
It is a very supportive forum to discuss and share your grief. I know it has helped me substantially with loss. It doesn't even have to be a death, there are other types of loss and all are welcome there.

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433
433
Review of Him...  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It is a good start. I like the way you have built the characters and relationship. The structure of the piece leaves me wanting though. It is customary to give each person's dialog a separate paragraph. And on wdc it is a good idea to put two hard returns in between paragraphs to make for more distinction and an easier read.

Now to the proposal-
You are the most supportive and caring person I have ever come across in my life. I know you are not perfect, but so am I.


I think you- mean but neither am I.

and

Sometimes, I think that if I am good enough for you.


should probably be- Sometimes I question if I am good enough for you. Or Sometimes I wonder if I am good enough for you.

Those two wording changes would help the fiance seem less self-absorbed, as you have it written it sounds like he thinks he is perfect and far better than you.

those are the major things I spotted. otherwise this is a good start to the story.

Another suggestion, rather than opening another file to write a part 2 just go back to this file and click on the gear in the upper right hand corner. It will give you the option of editing this piece. Then you can just continue this story in the same document. It will save you portfolio space, you only get 10 items in a free account.

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434
434
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is interesting. I think it would be better formatted as a free verse poem. also might I suggest you use a larger font to display your writing. Not everyone on the site has great vision. you can adjust the font in the little bar of choices above the typing box. Font size is controlled by the SSS box. i recommend at least a size four.

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435
435
Review of My fault  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
No, it just seems like it is all your fault. I feel this way a lot too. I am responsible for almost everything around my house and it seems like I am always failing everyone. If you ever need someone to talk to you can email me by right clicking on my handle and choosing the email option. or by responding to this review.

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436
436
Review of My end  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
THis is a very pessimistic piece. There are a lot of other natural means to come to one's end. I worry about your state of mind that these were your go to choices for a poem. I hope it was just for some kind of prompt and not how you are really feeling.

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437
437
for entry "Chapter two" 
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
this is a really intriguing story. it sounds like a long and involved dream or fantasy world. I love the impossible coincidences that the dead twin is apparently shaping. it reminds me of a fantasy setting I worked on briefly when I was younger. In it an author enters the world of her book and discovers it is just as real as her own.

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438
438
for entry "Chapter One" 
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is some ride to read. Fantasy and magic tied into a dead sister's plot to hook her living twin up with some wealthy weirdo. And she just happens to know a supermodel who wears the same size? So improbably believable. It is total fantasy fulfilment and I love it!!!

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439
439
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
this is an interesting concept. i like where you appear to be going with it. gonna read the rest. can't help myself you have sucked me in. everybody on this site seems to do that! Darn it I am on here and I should be washing dishes! Or showering and working on dialog for my own writings!

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440
440
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
THis is a cute dialog between a tone deaf human and a bird and a bee. I like how it starts with an excerpt from a song. It is an inspired intro. I love nigel and bb. i love how it ends with nature basically telling the main character not to sing. at first I thought it was a cat talking because they think they sing well even though... well they don't.

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441
441
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
in the second to the last line I believe you mean unite not unit. I like the message of the poem. I think this is the way everyone ends up feeling as they enter the second half of their lives. Everything past school seems like a brave new world, especially with all the new technology coming out every year. The whole covid situation is transformative in an even more immediate way.

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442
442
for entry "Character list" 
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
That is a more thorough list of characters than I ever manage to pull together in a prewrite. I always end up having new characters popping up over the course of writing. sometimes even major ones end up asserting themselves. I congratulate you on the work you are getting done.
443
443
Review of Legal Age  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The brothers' names were a bit confusing to me as was the last line but otherwise, I rather liked the story. The birthday girl seems so naive and innocent when it comes to entering the bar. It is kind of cute. the twenty first birthdays are all so different for different people.

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444
444
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
two things in the last paragraph it should be locust, not locus, and colonist should be plural- colonists. otherwise it is a good story I like the idea of illicit colonization. The captain should have waited twenty four hours to check the whole cycle of a planetary day before letting the colonists loose.

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445
445
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
To me this reads like a poem written from a very twisted vocabulary list as an assignment. At least that is how my poems end up this way. I like that it conjures dream imagery. Though that imagery is a bit chaotic and hard to follow. I guess that makes it like a proper dream.
446
446
Review of THE GLORY OF GOD  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
there are a few places where the mechanics of this story go bad, shifting tenses and wrong word choices. Breaking it up into slightly more detailed paragraphs would help too. But as it sits this is not a bad version of the creation story. A little more work and it could be super awesome instead of just pretty good.
447
447
Review of On The Trail  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this poem but the rhyme scheme seems a little erratic. The first two stanzas set up an expectation of a pattern and then it goes wonky in the third. The message of the poem is good and clear I just think that the structure you have used doesn't support it as much as it could.
448
448
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I just painted my livingroom and i really feel every square inch of this poem in a very personal way. I had cats trying to help. I am glad we decided to put in new flooring before I painted because the cats paw painted all over them. They would tap the wall and then runaway because their paws got wet. My floor looks like a herd of dalmations.
449
449
Review of Back To Black  
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very nice argument for responsible government spending in a pleasant poetic package. The arguments and suggestions are clear-cut and seem doable. The problem is you are asking the people responsible for the budgets to cut money from their own pockets. it is really unlikely they will do that. And I think our foreign aid budget is the only thing keeping the rest of the world from calling in our debts.
450
450
Review by Spring in my Sox
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This starts out as a very serious discussion of the perils and pitfalls of love. It lays the pain bare on the page and it seems to be heading to the idea of just becoming a hermit and avoiding all social contact rather than risking your heart on love. Then in the last line it turns the whole poem on its head with two tongue in cheek words. I love it!
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