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Review of SELF ESTEEM  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi! Welcome to WdC! *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

Thank you for sharing your item. *Smile* This review is just my opinion, so take from it what you find helpful and ignore the rest. *Wink*

You say you have "little experience about life." I'm wondering if that means you are young? If so, I'm especially happy to see you here. *Delight* If not, well, me neither, so it's fine. *Laugh* Anyway, I believe you need a comma after "life."

Don't forget to capitalize "I." And it would make a bit more sense if you said, "human actions are born" or humans act out of their self-esteem." BTW, that should be "self-esteem." *Laugh*

I'm not sure I think it's "either good or bad." I think sometimes our self-esteem fluctuates and sometimes even just in the middle, but that's my opinion. *Angelic* However, I definitely agree that a BIG part of how we act is based on our self-esteem, for sure! Great point! And we can often tell something about a person's self-esteem from their actions, though not always. Of course, we all have a bad day or someone is mean to us sometimes, so that can impact our behavior. *Frown*

That should be "each and everyone's self-esteem" because it is their self-esteem, so it should be possessive. And that is "either way," not "either ways," even though it is talking about more than one way that can be gone, ultimately, it is talking about choosing only 1 way, if that helps you remember. *Smile*

You are 100% that we all need to work on our self-esteem, though perhaps to also be sure to guard against becoming too prideful or even egotistical. But I think that's much less common than having low self-esteem.

That last sentence in your first paragraph is super long and could (probably should) be broken down. Wait, I just realized, that first paragraph is 1 giant sentence. *Laugh* We call that a run-on sentence. Try to break it up some. Usually where the thoughts change is a great place. I think this is part of why it ends with "either solid or weak." I think the point got lost in the sentence because you are talking about the importance of working on self-esteem. If you work on your self-esteem, then the result should be a solid ability to fight through when things get rough. *Smile*

I, again, disagree that you have either low or high self-esteem and that you can't have medium self-esteem or it can't change throughout the day or week. But, this is a matter of opinion and doesn't make a difference to my review rating, of course.

I'm SUPER excited to see you filled out all 3 genres for your item! *Party* GREAT WORK! SO MANY people don't do this and they really should! Though I will recommend you change some of the genres you chose. Activities is usually reserved for challenges, social forums, and things like that. Adult means, uh, things that kids shouldn't be reading, if you know what I mean. *Blush* *Laugh* Maybe consider things like Cultural, Educational, possibly Health or Medical (for the mental health side of the idea of self-esteem), definitely Psychology, and self-help would be good as well. Other ones not to choose are Other, Contest (unless you are actually creating a contest for people to enter), or Contest Entry.

There are several reasons to use all 3 genres--1. People search using genres more than any other way to find something to read on here. But this is also why I don't recommend things like Other or Contest Entry. People don't search for that. *Wink* 2. Moderators write Newsletters and they are expected to include 5-20 items in their Newsletter so they have to search for items to include. Obviously, they search based on what the Newsletter is about, so whether it's the Horror or Romance Newsletter, they aren't searching Other or Contest Entry for something to include because that wouldn't give them a very defined set of items to check. 3. We have an activity called "The Quills. People can nominate exceptional items they love. They nominate them for categories like Best Long Poem-Structured or Best Flash Fiction. (Anyone can nominate something...except their own thing, of course, so feel free to nominate stuff written this year through "Quill Nomination Form 2022 .) Once an item has been nominated, the item is then put into the genre categories listed by the author for further opportunities to win a Quill. You could not win Best Short Nonfiction, but then win Best Psychology, for example...or, you could win both. *Delight* However, no matter HOW OBVIOUS it is, the genre categories it gets judged in is ONLY what the author lists. So, if they write something called "The Terror of a Home Invasion" and write all kinds of scary things, but only label it Other, Other, and Other, they won't have any chance except to win in the main category it was nominated it because "Other" isn't a judged genre category.

So, all this is to so I'm very happy you filled out all the genres, but I do recommend maybe considering some different ones. *Wink* When you do reviews, feel free to see what people are listing. (It's in the top left area under the image.) And if you disagree with what they used or they didn't use anything, click Browse by Genre on the left side of the computer screen and it will bring up all the genre options and you can give them some suggestions to help them out. I also recommend explaining why they are so important to list and to list good ones--search results, to maybe be included in a Newsletter, and to get judged in more categories if their item is nominated for "The Quills. But only things from this year can be nominated...unless you are nominating a contest, activity, etc. But of poem, stories, etc., only things this year can be nominated.

Remember that my comments about your item are only my opinion. It's your writing, so do with it as you please. *Smile*

It looks like maybe you aren't a native speaker. If that is the case, I'm even MORE impressed with you and your writing! Stick around, read, review, and participate in activities and your English will really grow! *Delight*

Again, welcome to WdC and thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! Welcome to WdC!

What a wonderful image you have here! *Heart* I would love some more information, though. What type of dog is she? How old is she in people years? What's her name?

The only correction I saw was in the intro. You need a period at the end, not a comma. *Wink*

You've listed Animal and Family as genres, but you also listed other. Always do your best not to list Other or Contest Entry (or Contest or Activity, unless you are creating a contest or activity forum). I think I explained why in a previous review, so I won't do that again, but let me know if you don't remember. I'm happy to explain because it's pretty important. *Wink* You could choose Biographical, especially with more information. You could definitely choose Pets. lol And I think Tribute would work as well. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing and welcome to WdC! *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*
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3
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
WELCOME TO WdC! *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

This review is intended to be helpful. Take what you agree with and toss what you don't. It's all just my own opinion. *Wink*

Okay, well, it's not ALL my own opinion... *Angelic* The intro is rated as Non-E, but that's not accurate. The title is "Where Lost Trinkets Go" and the description is "Uress discovers something strange about his couch." There's nothing non-E about this. *Wink* You can check the rules for how to rate things here *Right* "Content Rating System (CRS) While no one is going to complain that you rated it too high, you won't get as many views as you would if you rated it appropriately. *Wink* The content does seem to be appropriately rated. *Smile*

This is totally just a suggestion. There are a LOT of older members here with older eyes. Consider enlarging your font to 3.5 or maybe 4. I have a touchscreen so it's fine for me. But not everyone here does. *Frown*

"Uress woke up with his head feeling like a blocked drain, stuck with lumps of ancient pudding and bits of chicken legs pounding against his skull." WOW! What an opening like! I love it...and am pretty sure I've felt like that before, though not for the same reason. lol

"In the corner stood a counter, it's top stacked with magazines and pokemon cards. an old man stood behind it, he reminded Uress of a stone beside a road, eroded by eons of water erosion, winds pushing while the earth sunk him deeper down and moss as old as time itself grew beneath." Another great sentence! You really have some talent! I'm super impressed!

The only error I spotted was "Well, strike me in the bowels and call me jitterbugged, If it ain't some luck," "If" shouldn't be capitalized there...or that comma needs to be a period. *Wink*

The only other correction I'd recommend is to change 2 of your genres. Other and Contest Entry aren't searched for much (if at all) by readers here. Plus, Moderators look for items to post in their Newsletters and they don't search for those, either. And we have an awards ceremony here called "The Quills. If an item gets nominated (for example, Best Flash Fiction category), then the item is automatically put in the genre categories that are listed by the author. You would only qualify for the Fantasy genre. While I agree that it's the best option, anything is better than nothing. *Wink* Consider Folklore, Mystery, or Supernatural for your other 2 genres.

You're a very talented writer who obviously put a lot of time into his story! Wonderful work! I do hope to see you around with lots more writing! Good luck and welcome to WdC!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Rolling* I love that sign! We could use some rain here in Los Angeles--and at Florida prices, what a bargain! Do you know if they ship? We're having water restrictions (as well as rolling blackouts and electricity restrictions). A bit of rain would be greatly appreciated. *Laugh*

I'm sure you didn't take this picture for the sole purpose of posting it here and perhaps the canted angle could be considered artistic instead of a boo-boo, but having cut off the bottom of the sign, while not a problem for the humor, is disappointing to a photographer. But luckily for you, this is a writing website, not a photography one, so I won't remove any stars for that. *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing the humor! And welcome to WdC! *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*
5
5
Review of The Door  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welcome to WdC! I hope you are finding it to be a nice and friendly place. *Smile*

I enjoyed your poem...and I usually don't like free-verse...or really poetry at all. *Laugh* Nicely done. *Smile*

I would definitely recommend you try to fill in all 3 genres. I realize it's a bit harder for this poem. Maybe Dark, Gothic, Tragedy, Tribute, or even Home/Garden. *Laugh* There are several reasons to fill out all the genres. 1. Many people search for things to read and/or review via the genre. The more you have filled in, the more folks are going to find your poem. 2. We have newsletters on this site and the people who write the newsletters include examples of writing in their newsletters. Thus, they need to search by genre. *Wink* 3. We have an award ceremony called "The Quills. It's like the Oscars, but much more low budget and low key. *Laugh* But still, it's an honor just to be nominated. *Laugh* Anyway, if this poem were to be nominated, it would be nominated for the poetry category for unstructured, short poems. That's automatic when it's nominated. But then there are genre categories it also automatically goes into if there are enough items of that genre for judging that year. Yours would only have a chance at willing a Quill Award in the mystery genre. If you have all 3 filled out, you get 3 chances instead of just 1 chance to win a genre award. *Bigsmile*

Anyway, to your poem...you do an excellent job of describing the door. My favorite part is the bit about the window looking like oilslicked water. Cool!

Well done! Keep it up! Also, as you browse the site, feel free to nominate things you love for a Quill award using "Quill Nomination Form 2022 . Static items like stories and poems had to have been written this year, but contests, interactives, activities, etc. just need to be active this year. *Smile*

Again, welcome to WdC! It's great to see you here!
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Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Howdy!

I saw your request for a review and thought I'd throw in my 2 cents since it was a short poem. *Angelic* *Bigsmile*

As with any review, take what you find useful and ignore the rest. These are only my own opinions, so do with them what you will. *Wink*

The first thing I notice is a "mistake" I used to make in my poetry. I used to capitalize every line as well, but have since been told that that isn't the style (anymore?). Like with regular sentences, you only capitalize when you come to the end of the sentence. *Confused* *Think* That's what I've been told, so I pass it on to you. Mind you, I'm not a poet, so take all my advice with a box of salt. *Laugh*

BTW, I love the addition of the rose images! *InLove2*

You wrote, "As the rose petals fall into place;" but I sort of want that to be "...fall out of place" because what I'm imaging is that the petals are on the rose when we are alive, but then as we die, they fall to the table or ground or whatever, so they are falling out of place from where they originally were. But maybe you are thinking of death as the place we should all be and thus the rose petals are falling into place as we die?

Nice rhyme scheme. I prefer poem that rhyme, so good job in my mind. *Laugh* But I have to say, I don't get the bit about...

So I may have a chance;
To know it will defend.

What are they defending? I don't get that.

I like that you centered the poem. But I was looking at the shape and thought it would look even cooler if you tried to create a rose petal-type shape with the poem. You can keep the spacing, IMO, but just fill out some of the center lines so the middle of the poem is fatter. Yeah, it would mean reworking a LOT of the poem, but it would look cool, IMO. *Bigsmile* *Angelic* It's easier to make giant suggestions to other people's work. *Rolling* *Rolling* *Rolling*

I have a couple of favorite lines here.

Inside one's soul;
Lay one's dreams;

and

The time says goodbye.

Nice work on those especially. *Smile* They are cool ideas and images to put in my mind. Thanks for that!

Nice work on your poem! Keep at it! BTW, next month is National Poetry Month and I'll be doing a prompt where you pick a poetry style you've never done before and you explain it, then write a poem in that style. *Smile* My contest always pays people for entering, so I encourage you to post an entry to "The Whatever Contest -- Closes Oct. 2 next month. *Bigsmile*

Good luck with your efforts to learn to write more poetry! The fact that you are asking for critiques so you can learn more is huge! Good for you! But remember that these are our opinions, not necessarily fact. Keep at it! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Bird  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fabulous poem! Thank you so much for sharing it! You're very talented and I'm glad to see you are sharing it on here. Thank you for that, for sure.

I think my favorite lines are the 1st and last...

A bird which flew on wisps of thought,

And flew out to creation's edge.

These are fabulous lines that show us the bird in new and interesting ways. Great work! I was actually going to nominate it for "The Quills, but then I saw it wasn't written this year. Alas, for Quills, it has to be written in the current year (except in January when you can nominate for the previous year or the current year). I'm sorry I can't nominate this, but know that I really enjoyed it. *Smile*

My only suggestion isn't about your writing. I'd just suggest you see if you can find a picture of the inspiration postcard for this on the internet. You can even just edit the poem and post a link to it if you are low on port space. Let me know if you need help with editing or posting links here. Actually, I think SM has now made it so you can just paste a link in and it automatically becomes clickable so you don't need the ML code for that, but if I'm wrong, let me know if you need the code.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your talent with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of 88 Keys  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey! Welcome to writing.com! I'm so glad to have you join us all! *Bigsmile*

I was reading entries from Test Your Poetry and found yours. This is a very nice poem about your piano. How sweet. *Smile*

I did notice you included (or accidentally included, I'm guessing), the item number in the first line. *Think*

He is white and black and played with love 2258777

I was trying to figure out where that number came from and thought it must be the phone number given in some song I wasn't familiar with. All I could remember was *Music1*867-5309*Music2* (I think is correct). *Laugh*

Anyway, I like how you personified music and also enjoyed some lines where you were especially poetic such as "I can bend sound..." Nicely done!

If you decide to edit this piece, you will find a gear in the upper right corner of the item. Click that. I generally pick Quick Edit, myself, but do what makes you happy. Thanks for sharing this piece!

Keep it up and welcome to WdC! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Ode To Why  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a fun poem that I'm sure has been recited in many different ways throughout the last couple of years. *Laugh* I'm glad you worked to put voice to the thoughts and words of so many, especially the little kids who don't have much understanding at all about what is going on.

I did find 2 things that appear to be errors...

Tom,”
“My son does make a valid, Mom.”

They are back to back lines. The first is missing the opening quotation marks. The second, I think, is missing the word "point" after "valid."

Otherwise, nice work and thank you for putting it out there for the rest of us! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of 14 (Fourteen)  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is such a great poem! I really enjoyed the line structure and how you broke things up. I also think you did a great job of describing how people feel and what is going on when their adolescence is dying and they are growing every closer to becoming an adult. Great work!

We aren't allowed to tell people if they get nominated for "The Quills, but I think I am allowed to tell you I was going to nominate this poem for a Quill, but then I discovered I can't because it wasn't written this year. *Frown* Well, know that I thought it was good enough to nominate. *Bigsmile* That's something, right? *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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11
for entry "Real Life Information
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Okay, I felt guilty and decided to do 1 little review. *Bigsmile*

Thanks for the trinket, BTW! *Heart*

I agree that it's a good idea to research things. We tend to assume we know all we need to know. And perhaps we know all we NEED to know, but further research can certainly open up possibilities we never imagined.

You use a lot of hyphens in here. "Also, you have to know the people- in 1820’s you had a number of poor people..." I suggest you take a look at endash vs. emdash on Google. I think you want to use emdashes here. WdC actually has a thing for that {emdash} and it shows as this —. Though in regular places, or if you can't remember how to do it, you can just use 2 hyphens together as this --. In fact, if you are on MS Word and use the 2 dashes, it automatically makes them into an emdash (assuming I'm right in that's the one you're supposed to be using) when you hit the space after the 2nd word. So, "...people--in..." would become "...people—in..." as soon as you hit the spacebar after "in." But it leaves them as 2 dashes without the 2nd word and then spacebar. Though MS Word insists they be used without a space between the words, I believe it is grammatically correct to do both "...people—in..." and "...people — in..." BTW, I'm creating those examples by doing this, as you probably can guess... "...people{emdash}in..."

That's a very important point you make about researching the appropriate years you are writing about. I didn't realize even the terms might be different. Very interesting!

"...between a King Cobra, a Western Diamondback Rattlesnake, and a Green Anaconda." I'm pretty sure these aren't capitalized, even though they are the name of the type of snake, but they aren't the actual name of the snake. Just as you wouldn't capitalize "daughter," but would capitalize the name of your daughter. *Smile*

"Russian-built" You've used hyphenated compound words several times and they are all (as far as I can tell) 100% correct. Great job! That's something a lot of people really struggle with so I'm definitely impressed!

"...Private, Seaman, and Aircraftman are the lowest ranks." Are you not in the US? I thought you were, but maybe not. If you're not, then ignore this. lol But if you are, the lowest Air Force rank is "Airman," not "Aircraftman." *Wink* Maybe it was many years ago; I don't know. But I do know that's not the common term now. *Bigsmile*

Another example to consider for the military branches is Captain. An Army Captain is a much lower rank than a Navy Captain. Almost all officers in the Army become a Captain at some point, but a Naval Captain runs the boat (as I understand it) and that's a much harder rank to attain. That's equal to an Army Colonel.

The rating is simply a reflection of the errors, not of the educational aspect of this piece. The educational part is very well done and very important! <e

Great blog/newsletter post! I especially love the encouraging and inspiring ending! Great work! I did make a number of corrections, but it's all easy stuff. In general, you're a skilled writer and even your common mistakes don't take away from your piece. I'm glad I took the time to read this. Thank you for sharing and keep it up!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Father  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I'm doing this review so I can give you better instructions on how to make sure your items qualify for the tickets in "WdC 2022 Birthday Review Raffle. Some of your reviews were private. I'm not sure if you just didn't click that little Make Public box between Make Anonymous and Submit to Good Deeds Get CASH or if you meant to make it private for a reason.

Mine is automatically checked so all my reviews are automatically public. If you want to do this, you can click Set Default next to Make Public and then when the new window opens, make sure Public Review Checkbox Default is set to Default as Checked. Then click Submit Changes, of course. But maybe you unchecked it for a reason. So, I'm going to make this a private review and see if I can change it to public later so I can tell you how...if I can. I'm also going to see how we can edit a review so I can give you instructions on that as well so you can make your shorter ones long enough to qualify. I know we can edit reviews, I just don't remember how.

Anyway, to your actual review!

I love the name and the description of this item. Great work! Also, I'm really glad you used all 3 genres. Perfect! So often that is missed! (Note: It's a quick and easy thing you can comment about on reviews you need to make longer--especially if they didn't because you can include why they should put all 3 genres. *Wink* )

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother! *Hug1**Cry**Hug2* I lost my dad at 14. It's so hard to lose a parent, but especially at that age! *HeartBroken*

‘when you need anything, just write it on a note and I’ll get it for you.’ You need to capitalize "when" but that is such a sweet thing your father did for you. *Candy5* I love it!

"Since then, my father played the role of both parents.
Many of our relatives and friends encouraged my father..." You have an awkward line break there. I'd recommend putting the 2nd sentence back with the 1st one, but you could make them both mini paragraphs if you prefer, I suppose.

My mother also loved my father too much to remarry, even though even we encouraged her to after a while. It's sad, but also so romantic. *InLove2*

"...he taught me how to fall in love with the city through his eyes..." This is fabulous! I love that you didn't just say, "My father taught me how to take pictures." This is a fabulous way to get that idea across with so much more feeling! *Heart*

"He was open minded..." That should be open-minded with a hyphen. *Wink*

I'm so sorry about your dad falling and having failing health so suddenly. I don't know exactly why, but once an older person starts to fall, their health usually declines pretty quickly after a few falls. Perhaps it's simply that their delicate organs can't take the thrashing they receive from a fall, but officially, I don't know.

"...we were due for 3 surgeries.
He got a pacemaker installed..." These should probably be in the same paragraph.

"...but his spirit was untouchable.
Through the 55 days in the hospital..." You seem to have a paragraph break here, but you didn't skip a space. The skipped spaces give our eyes a brief moment of rest and indicate that this is really a new paragraph with new ideas.

"...we finally had ‘the’ talk.
I was given strict instructions..." Again, you seem to have changed paragraphs, but didn't skip a line like you did in the previous paragraph changes. It's good to skip lines between paragraphs. *Wink*

"...I realise now that he stayed strong throughout for me. We knew it was the end, so he had nothing to gain from his high spirits, but he knew that if I saw him crumble, I would fall apart." OMG! This is so heartbreaking, but also shows what a strong person he was! *Heart* Never forget that he raised you and is a part of you and so is his strength! *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

"...I would fall apart.
He was teaching me how to be alone." Again, you don't have a space, but I think this paragraph is too short to stand alone, but also fits okay with the one before, so put the part where he was teaching you to be alone in the paragraph above. Also, that is just so heartrending! I got a pit in my stomach and tears in my eyes from that! *Cry* Your father was an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING MAN!

"3 days later, he was gone.
I performed his last rites..." Again, skip a line. Also, when you start a sentence with a number, it should be spelled out, so this should be "Three days later..."

"I’ve kept his pacemaker safely..." That should be "I've kept his pacemaker safe..." This whole paragraph is just gu twrenching! But also so inspiring! And I didn't know you could donate a pacemaker. I think that's an amazing thing! I can imagine it is what he would want, but also that it must be so hard for you to do. I don't know if it would be possible for you to meet the person it was donated it, but maybe that would help when the time comes. Even if you can't, know that you and your father gave life to another person and another family who couldn't have otherwise afforded it. *Heart*

"...he would have wanted that.
It’s been just over two weeks..." Again, you need a paragraph space.

Thanks. And now you've made me cry. *Right* "But he made me promise that I would live my life, and that his blessings would always be with me, so although my heart is broken, I’m trying to live a little more each day—for all three of us."

The rating is based on errors, not on the heart that was put into this work The emotion was absolutely 5 stars, but there were some technical issues. *Wink*

This was such a beautiful peace! I'm SO GLAD I chose it! *Heart* Also, I think your writing has really improved since we met. Nice work! Thakn you for sharing this part of you. I'm so sorry for what you have been through, but it's good to know there have been such amazing people on this Earth and they have given us their amazing children! *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*
13
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Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much for the trinket! I especially love how you gave us some information not just about them, but about you as well because I'm here on WdC to connect to people, not just to collect trinkets or merit badges...though that might be how it seems sometimes. *Laugh* Anyway, thank you for the lovely trinket! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fun poem. I love that you wrote about trinket collecting and trinket collectors! *Delight* But do you know what I think would make it even better? If you included a trinket with this poem so people could collect it when they read it. Yep, that is my genius idea that I give to you for free. *Rolling* Anyway, thank you for sharing your words with us. Have a great day!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of WDC  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Howdy! I love that you included a seek-a-word. Though I have to say, I couldn't figure out how to circle or highlight or whatever the words. *Think* I'm sure it's just me and I know I've figured it out in the past, but it wouldn't hurt to post instructions for the slower members of the community. *Laugh* Also, since you mention trinkets, I 100% think you should include one here for people to collect! *Bigsmile* You can post it with {trinket:XXXXXXX}. Anyway, thanks again!
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Review of Time  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like your poem. It's short, which for me and my attention span, works perfectly, but it also brings together concepts that I think are very accurate. Nicely done.

I have a suggestion. Are you familiar with trinkets on WdC? You can go to Points, then at the bottom of that popup, Trinkets: Create New. I'm sure there's info in the WdC 101 section as well. But you can create a collectable trinket to reward people for coming here. They do cost 50k to make, but then you can post it here with (Trinket unavailable.) and people who visit this item can collect a trinket while reading about "time as a trinket." *Laugh*

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, check out "Note: I totally didn’t have a chance to do this on ..." as an example. Click on it, click Collect, and you'll have the trinket in your collection (which you can then see if you go to Points, then Trinkets: Collected) and you can read whatever the maker posted for that trinket. *Smile* Try it! *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Why  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a lovely poem! I'm guessing this was a challenge for you since you don't normally write things you can share, as you said in the Newsfeed. I'm not sure what you normally write, but I'm glad you put forth the effort to write this. I can see the sadness, but also the hope in it. Well done. Thank you for the effort!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Test Your Poetry  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey! Thank you so much for sending me this link. What a great contest and I TOTALLY LOVE THE IMAGE!!! *InLove* That is perfect! *Heart*

In general, I love that your contest is quick and easy to read and the format is very clean, unlike my own contest. *Think* *Laugh* *FacePalm* However, there are a couple of suggestions I have for improvement.

1. Consider the name "Test Your Port's Poetry" to give a slightly better description of the contest for when you just post an item link. Poets will be more likely to click to see what it's about. As it is, "Test Your Port" seems a bit like a newbie activity to improve the look of the port.

2. As for the description, I'd add a bit more there as well. The fact that folks don't need to enter newly written stuff is a huge bonus to many people, so that needs to be clear. *Wink* Maybe something like "A monthly poetry contest for previously written poems" or something like that. If you are going to play around, remember that "A" can be left out to save the character and space, just in case you need 2 more blanks. *Wink*

3. For the genres you selected, instead of Other as the last one, I'd go with Writing, myself. Other is the default so while the contest isn't exactly about writing, you are judging people's writing, so it's at least something instead of Other. Plus, in case Writing is an option for a Quills category, you can be in that if this contest ever gets nominated for Best Contest. *Smile*

4. I'd consider putting the font at size 4 because there are so many old people on here. Yes, they can enlarge their screen, but if they don't have a touchscreen, they may not know how. I know I don't...which is why I insisted on a touchscreen. *Laugh*

5. "So, this is a contest where you can put your poems into test." Is this a British way of speaking or because English isn't your native language? In the US, we would say "...put your poems to the test."

6. "All poems should be rated less than 18+" I actually just noticed you don't have a period after this sentence or the one about posting links as bitems or citems. That wasn't even what I was going to say here. lol Anyway, you say to post poems rated LESS THAN 18+, but people are used to the MAXIMUM (no more than) rating being posted so you could get some misunderstanding when people aren't reading carefully. If you want less than 18+, that means you want 13+, I think. So I'd change that to "All poems should be rated no more than 13+." Unless you meant you didn't want them over 18+, then say the same thing except "...no more than 18+."

7. On the prizes, there's a little inconsistency. The 2nd place says the awardicon will be placed on the winning item, but the 1st place doesn't say that. Is it on the item or the port? I assumed the item until you specified the other would be on the item, which made me question that maybe 1st place gets a port ribbon? Also, 3rd place gets a 10k ribbon when 2nd place gets a 10k awardicon. I looked to see if there was really a difference. There doesn't seem to be, IMO, except one is just the ribbon crossed over itself and the other is the ribbon that has the decoration at the top, for lack of a better description. But I think they are both officially ribbons. Also, the one that is just a ribbon crossed over itself can absolutely be awarded for anything, but those are sort of more for support and remembrance things like Breast Cancer Awareness or supporting the military. It's just a tad confusing if you are intending to give those bottom ribbons where it's just a strip crossed over itself or if you meant the ones above and the winner just doesn't get a signature. I think it's okay to leave it with awardicon and ribbon if you want, but it does leave some questions about what they are getting. However, no one is going to not enter because they aren't sure which 10k thing they are getting. *Wink*

8. For the donations, you say a 100k donation gets a 50k awardicon, but on what? Their port? The item of your choice? The item of their choice? It's not a huge deal, but you don't want people thinking they get to pick what gets awarded when they don't. *Wink* And for the MB, I'd slip in the word "community" so they know it's a community MB. They should know, but there are a couple of places I've found where you can get an exclusive one for 20k or 25k on sale from time to time. *Shock2*

I love that you have a link to go to the forum. And the countdown timer is a great touch! I also appreciate that you show how to post bitem and citem links and even give a link to further instructions. That's perfect for newbies!

It's great that you used a couple of colors, but not too many. In general, this looks great! If you want me to rerate it after you've made some changes, I'll be happy to do so and I can increase your rating based on the changes you've made. *Smile*

In general, great work! There are a few suggestions, as I've noted, but there's nothing that ruins the item or causes people to not want to enter. Very well done and congratulations!
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Review of WOW!  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I totally love this item and the tie-in with "Invalid Item It's hilarious! I especially love that you tagged each person and mentioned their situation and your excuse to be at the new handbag factory because of them. *Laugh* That was especially kind of you to offer to buy LightinMind's wife more handbags than you want him to. *InLove2* The other thing I liked in your piece is how you "studied" so many other things besides what you were supposed to. Yep, that's how studying with others usually goes. *Rolling* Thanks for sharing this! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Moving On Blues  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I felt bad telling you probably not a lot of folks were going to check out your poem because of the festivities, so I decided to review it, myself. Bare in mind, I'm not a poet. *Wink*

I like that you get a shiver when he touches you. That can go as both a positive thing and negative, so I like that. Good choice!

I'm not digging the sweet bubbles bit if it's a cold brew. Personally, I don't think of beer bubbles as sweet. Hops bubbles? Or in reference to the bad relationship, bitter bubbles? Just my opinion...

I'm a little confused with the pronouns. Sometimes it's "I" and other times it's "she" (and "he," but that's less confusing since you are a female--I assume you are talking about your partner). But maybe it's intentional and I just don't get it because I'm not a poet. *Confused*

As a Southerner, I fully support the phrase "hot butter blues." *Bigsmile* I also really love the bit about women having an expiration date on their face. Ugh. So true! *Pthb*

Over all, nice poem! I think it could use a couple tweaks here and there, but nice work! Keep it up!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an awesome poem! I love this! *InLove* Such a fun idea! But I definitely disagree with the last line that they are a waste of time. I really enjoyed these and was curious when you said it was a choose-your-own-adventure type of poem. I was like, "How in the world..." AWESOME! Thank you for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an amazing drawing! I'm so very impressed! And I definitely appreciate you sharing it with me. You certainly have a lot of talent! I love that you included the pencils in the image, but I think I might have liked it better with the picture taken straight on. But then, you're obviously the artist, so perhaps that wouldn't have looked so good. I don't know, but I'm certainly wowed by your talent! Great work! Keep it up!
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Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love that you used all 3 genre options. Great work from the beginning!

I noticed your official title and the title at the top of the item are different--Flashlights of the Ocean vs. Flashlights of the World. I write my review as I read, so maybe that's on purpose, but I'm not sure yet. *Wink*

I actually just noticed that you have passed away. I'm very sorry for your family and friends, especially those here on WdC. *Hug1**Cry**Hug2*

Anyway, this is a really interesting and educational piece! Thank you so much for writing it! I thoroughly enjoyed it and feel smarter for having had the chance to read it. *Smile* I especially appreciate you including the pronunciation of the word "Fresnel." *Heart*

I am curious about what the Link Text Here thing is about, but I can't ask so I won't deduct stars for something that may be simply my misunderstanding. *Wink*

Thank you for writing this and may you rest in peace! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Broken Past  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Howdy! I found your story (or the beginning of it) in Read a Newbie. WELCOME! *Hug*

First, good job filling out 2 of the 3 genre slots. Though I'd encourage you to try to find one more to add to it...and not Other, Activity, Contest, or Contest Entry. *Wink* Would Horror/Scary fit? I don't know where you are going with the story, so I can't say for sure, but you do seem to be amping up some drama. *Smile* There's Medical, but I'm not sure this is going to be a medical story so much as it just happens to be set in a hospital. Are there going to be ghosts and such? Paranormal? Occult? It feels like it might be a bit Occult-y with that moon situation. Just options, depending on where the story goes. *Wink*

There are 2 main reasons it's good to fill out all the genres. 1. When people search for things to read by genre, they have 3 chances to find yours. *Wink* 2. We have a thing called "The Quills. It's like our version of the Oscars. When an item gets nominated in a category such as Best Short Story, Best Poem, etc., it automatically qualifies for the genre categories without additional nomination. But if you only have 2 genres listed, you are missing out on possibly winning a Quill award in a genre. *Shock2* *Sob*

I like that you used different font sizes and used space to make things flow well. But be sure to check things when you save them to make sure they look like you want them to. I see something is messed up, but you'd probably have to go into Edit to see what it is. To edit your item, go to the sprocket in the upper right corner of the item and click that. You'll see Quick Edit. That's what I normally use, personally. Another page will pop up and you can make changes. Save them, then the popup will show the new stuff or you can refresh the main/original page to see the new changes. *Smile*

I like where you are going with this so far. You draw the reader in. Nice work. Though I'd like to see some more variety in some of the sentences. In the sentence about the walls, you use the word "wall" 3 times. *Think* Maybe try to say things in a different way. And the sentence about the light in the room, you use "room" twice--not as bad, but maybe instead of the light engulfing the room, it engulfs everything or it engulfs the shadows or something else that isn't specifically "the room." *Wink* Actually, as I'm reading, you do this a lot. Check your sentences for repetitive words. *Bigsmile*

You spelled "waiting" wrong in the 1st sentence in Chapter 1. *Wink*

You switched tenses in "But Sarah can't just stand here, so she moved forward slow and steady." You start in present tense, but then changed to past tense. You've probably done that more, but I do the same thing, so it's hard for me to catch it when other folks do. *Rolling* Darned tenses are so hard to keep up with! *Irritated* *Laugh* You did it again here, "Sarah had to keep going, she can't stop." If you are going with past tense, that would be "...she couldn't stop."

Okay, I'm done and this was definitely creepy! I'm assuming that was what you were going for. *Laugh* Well done! You have some great ideas, but you need to work on a couple parts of the execution. The main things I'd say to focus on are using the same words over and over and then sticking to the same tense. Since you definitely have the creativity, I know the words portion of this, as long as you really pay attention and think about how to say things, that will come to you. You obviously have talent, so just start extending some of it to that. *Heart* As for taming tenses, yeah, good luck. I still do it. It's totally fixable...at least, that's what I tell myself. *Laugh* But I still haven't fully cured the problem, myself, so I wish you luck fixing your own problem with it. *Rolling*

Anyway, great job creeping me out! Thankfully, it's not bedtime. *Laugh* You certainly have some talent! Great work because the mechanics and such can be fixed much easier than a lack of talent. *Think* You have the important part. *Wink* If you decide to fix some of the problems here, feel free to let me know you want me to rereview it and I can give you a better rating when you've made improvements. *Smile* Keep at it! I hope to see you writing lots more!

Again, welcome! *Hug*
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Review of Shaman's Trance  
Review by Schnujo Boojo
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Whoa! This is a really cool poem! I found it under Please Review. *Smile* First, great job using all 3 of your genre slots. A lot of folks don't do that, so well done. *Wink* The fact that you chose Psychology is why I wanted to read this. At first, before clicking, I thought it was going to be a super creepy story about someone being in a trance, but not alone there. *Scared*

Anyway, I'm not a poet, so I can't speak as wisely about this as many others can, but I do appreciate that even though it's not got a regular structure (that I can identify), it still seems poetic. So many folks write "free form" poetry that is really just prose with more line breaks. *Think* *Laugh* So, well done not being one of them! *Bigsmile*

I do totally love your shape here! Though at first I thought the page hadn't loaded since so much of the top was blank. lol Hopefully, you aren't missing out on readers because they don't scroll down to see there is more below. *Wink* You could consider deleting a few lines so that the first lines show up at the bottom...or maybe they do for you and just no me. *Wink* Anyway, back to the shape, I thought it was first like a speaking bubble like in cartoons, but then since it's a shaman, I'm wondering if maybe it's a peace pipe? It could also be a thought bubble. I'm not sure, but I like it. *Bigsmile*

Nicely done! Thank you for sharing! Keep at it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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