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697 Public Reviews Given
700 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
126
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awww...That's the sweetest thing I've read in a long time! And CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 1000TH REVIEW!!! I have no idea how many I've done, but I'm sure it's not 1000! Great work!


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127
127
Review of Day of The Potter  
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a WONDERFUL poem! I love this--the rhythm and feel of it was delightful!

I do have 2 corrections (unless you're not American, than maybe it's a cultural thing).

"Isles full of shelving with prices displayed,"

That should be "aisles." The one you used is like islands. *Wink*

""it's Bonnie and Tim come to play"," The comma ALWAYS goes inside the quotation marks in American English (as does the period). If you're from Europe, this might be correct. I don't know. lol

Otherwise, this is a terrific poem! THANK YOU!

My favorite part is:
Chime rings the door, as Mary looks up,
"it's Bonnie and Tim come to play",
they'll sit as they craft at the table in back,
and visit most all of the day.

It just makes me feel happy to read that stanza. I love it!

I think it's awesome that so many women in your family are into pottery! I'm especially glad you shared the info about your cover pic. That is a really special piece!

Great work! THANK YOU!!!


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128
128
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
WOW! What a beautiful poem!!! I'm so super impressed! How dare I not think you could be at great at poetry as you are at prose! Well done!


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129
129
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is such a wonderful project. Thank you for continuing it!
130
130
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I'm honored that you seem to be coming to me for reviews of everything you write. Just wait until I get that reviewing mentorship I'm after in March or so. lol

"The blinking cursor seemed to mock him, its metronome rhythm causing his eyes to lose focus..." THAT is why I LOVE reading your stuff!!! AWESOME CREATIVITY!

Here is a quote from my Comma Sense class, just so you know that, though it looks ridiculous, it IS true. lol

"Rule #1: Independent Clauses Joined by Coordinating Conjunctions
*Checkb* Use commas to separate independent clauses when they are joined by Coordinating Conjunctions.

"Independent Clauses can stand alone as a separate and complete sentence. When a Coordinating Conjunction joins these independent clauses, a comma is used. It may help you remember the seven Coordinating Conjunctions by recalling that they all have fewer than four letters and that the first letter of each spells out the acronym FANBOYS.
For-And-Nor-But-Or-Yet-So. *Left*These are the seven Coordinating Conjunctions.
The comma should always be placed before the coordinating conjunction.
*Burstv* Only when a Non-Essential Phrase immediately follows the coordinating conjunction do you need to use a comma after the conjunction.

"*Noteb* We hoped that decorating the top of Cindy's cupcake with a dead grasshopper would freak her out, but, to our surprise, she just popped the whole thing in her mouth.
*Burstv* In this sentence, to our surprise is called a Non-Essential Phrase and should be surrounded by commas. That's why there is a comma before and after the coordinating conjunction but. You will learn more about Non-Essential Elements (Rule #5) further below in this Lesson."

I know it looks ridiculous, but you need a comma BEFORE and AFTER the "but" in "He remembered the article he had read at Breitbart about all the Russian hacking but, as he remembered, it had all been denied by them."

"She listened to his ramblings. Doesn't he know the real enemy is squirrels? Humans!, she snorted. When no treats appeared, she flopped back down and returned to her dreams of chasing squirrels." Wonderful--I especially love the part about "When no treats appeared..." Obviously based on a true story! *Laugh*

"Whether aliens or hackers – he kept both possibilities open since he didn’t trust the President - he would not be denied today." Uh, somehow you managed to get 2 different sized dashes. No idea how you did that, but whatever. It should be the longer one, however you managed to do that. lol In Word, you create it by typing 2 hyphens, then they turn into a dash when you go on to the next word. Here, I just type 2 hyphens and I think they stay looking like that, but whatever. It's still a dash that way, not a hyphen. lol Also, there shouldn't be a space before or after the dash. "Whether aliens or hackers--he kept both..."

"Deep in the shadows, the Dust Bunny chuckled..." I did NOT see that coming! GREAT BAD GUY IDEA! *Rolling* I love it!

Well done! I didn't notice much at all that needed to be changed. Great job, as always! *Wink*


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131
131
Review of Dear Me, 2017  
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful Dear Me letter! Yours is way better than mine. It's great that you start back in 2016. I love it. Great work and thanks for the shout out. *Smile*


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132
132
Review of Pyramid Scheme  
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
While I hate doing reviews (THANKS, G.o.T. lol), I DO LOVE reading your work, so this is a treat! You know the drill...take what you find useful, ignore the rest. lol

“Tell me again why we can’t speak in front of humans?” I think this should end with a period. If you said, "Tell me again, why can't we speak in front of humans?" THAT would be a question mark, because she's actually asking a question. But the way you have it, it's not actually a question, but a statement. Or at least that's how I read it.

"“That’s right, that’s right,” clucked Angus, the rooster." I love how you have Angus in here! *Laugh*

""Yes,” said Angelina as her claws shredded the paper." Shredding the paper is a nice touch!

"Obviously, animals are welcome.” Hahahaha

"Barclay dialed the number." Curious how he did that, but whatever. lol

"...something called Zoo – manity." There shouldn't be a space before or after the dash. I assume you were doing it for emphasis. I'd suggest making "zoo" italicized instead. Italics also show emphasis on a word, or part of a word, so I think that will better show what the mule is saying. Also, you shouldn't have a dash here anyway. It should be a hyphen. I feel like you might have first written this in MS Word. Or at least that's the only way I know how to get a dash on here. lol Not sure what I'm talking about? Check a couple of lines down when you have "zoo-manity" written again. You'll notice a different between a dash (the 1st one) and a hyphen (the 2nd one).

"Quick – in six words or less – tell me..." Again, there shouldn't be a space before or after the dash. And here again... “Well, there’s Angus – a big cock, Angelina – a furry pussy, myself – a beautiful ass..."

Great work, AS USUAL! The ending is AWESOME! Also, I'm pleased to say, not TOO adult for me. *Bigsmile* You are SO CREATIVE! I NEVER would have come up with that end! Hahaha I saw the prompt and this is PERFECT! GOOD LUCK in the contest!

Oh, and I really appreciate the info in gray at the bottom! Great touch!


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133
133
Review of Out Of Place  
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Okay, that is one weird piece! lol You are SO CREATIVE! I'm jealous!

I especially love how you have times so we can more easily get an idea of the actual time frame of events. I also like that he says he's going to start writing things down in case someone else reads it. We are the "someone else." Nice work.

I'm glad you told us that this won The Writer's Cramp! I always make a link to the post saying I won and put that in gray at the top of my stuff, but that's me. I like to brag. *Wink*

Anyway, congratulations and, as always, you did an excellent job! *Bigsmile*


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134
134
Review of Winter Haiku 1  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a lovely haiku. I especially like the 1st line. That describes the moon really well, yet I never thought about it as hovering. Nice work! Also, I like that youdidn't use punctuation or capitalization. Great haiku knowledge! I've been told they aren't supposed to have any title and to just use titles like "Haiku 1" since we have to put SOMETHING down for WdC, but I give mine titles so I can tell them apart. lol

Anyway, great work!
135
135
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lovely poem that made me think about things of the past, long forgotten. Nice job.

My only 3 simple suggestions are that the title (both at the very top and at the top of the poem should have both "Little" and "Bums" also capitalized, "Bums" shouldn't have an apostrophe, and the detail about you and your sister's ages (which I love), should have parentheses ( ) instead of brackets [ ]. Otherwise, great work!

I especially love this like, "Mad faced seagulls with fish crazed eyes," and the fact that you used a different font. Wonderful!


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136
136
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! You are VERY talented! I love this poem!

My favorite parts are...

The early morn is best I'm told
to catch what nature hides
and no one seems to care I'm there
as I walk in easy strides.

and

The woods are still so clearly etched
in the pages of my mind.

The image in that last sentence is superb!

My only criticism is that, unless you just have a different kind of deer where you live (or this wasn't meant to be a normal deer), the fawn's spots should be white. (I googled to double check. lol) But since dice are also white, I suppose you can just change that color. *Smile*


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137
137
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I LOVE IT! (And I normally don't care much for poetry.) What an awesome ballad! *Bigsmile* Great work! You're just so amazingly talented!!!


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138
138
Review of The Runaways  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Howdy!

I'm doing a Member to Member review for Rising Stars. I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps! *Smile*

Overall Impression:
I like the idea of this story. I was immediately drawn in! Great job!

Grammar and Mechanics:
You have some amazing run-on sentences...pun intended. *Smile* "She felt the breath burn in her lungs; her blood ran as if acid were in her veins, there was no time to stop today." Since you're not supposed to use 2 semi-colons and you need something after "veins," I'd suggest just making it a period since "There was no time to stop today" is a full sentence. "The road came into sight, a bright blue, her favourite colour, came into view through the trees; she knew it would be ok, Tom was waiting by his car, she wouldn't see her family again." You should end after "...she knew it would be okay." (Also, the correct spelling of that is okay, not ok. *Wink* ) After "Tom was waiting by his car" you can either put another semi-colon (though that's a lot for such a short piece, but technically, it is correct) or a period.

Suggestions:
In the intro, you have "(Blink contest: Runner)." I'm assuming that means that's the prompt for that contest. Just a suggestion, but what I do is type in gray at the top of my piece and even link to the contest. Also, if I win, I go back and say I won and link to the note announcing it. When I do a word count, I don't include those. No one has ever told me I can't do that and I've won quite a few things, so apparently it's okay. *Smile* I picked that idea up from another person's port. I also use that for helpful info for the reader if I feel it's needed.

Favorite Part:
I love the part "...as if acid were in her veins..." VERY creative description! I also love how you draw me in immediately! Great work!

Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing! *Notepad* *Pen*


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139
139
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Howdy!

I'm doing a Member to Member review for Rising Stars. I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps! *Smile*

Overall Impression:
I really like this story and I appreciate how his family didn't ultimately help him fail more by constantly bailing him out for the rest of his life. Also, I love that he was able to lift himself up and do something with himself after squandering his good start. A lot of folks would have just expected their parents to keep bailing them out and refuse to help themselves.

Grammar and Mechanics:
I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation mistakes. (But I'm taking 2 New Horizons classes soon, so I can't promise I won't change my mind later. lol)

Suggestions:
I don't quite get the line spacing here. Some lines are together (without a space between them) and others have a space between them. Usually the space indicates a new paragraph, but it doesn't seem to here. I find it a bit confusing.

Favorite Part:
"TLC Fine Tuning: "It didn't start right, but we'll make it work!"" Great work here. *Smile*

Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing! *Notepad* *Pen*


** Image ID #1940849 Unavailable **


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140
140
Review of Can I keep it?  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Howdy!

I'm doing a Member to Member review for Rising Stars. I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps! *Smile*

Overall Impression:
I love the direction you went with this story! How fun and interesting! You made it sound sad, then scary, then it was funny--Wonderfully well done!

Grammar and Mechanics:
I didn't notice any grammar or mechanical errors. Great work!

Suggestions:
I don't have any suggestions. I think it's great the way it is! lol

Favorite Part:
Obviously, the last line is my favorite part..."Can we keep it?" HAHAHA

Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing! *Notepad* *Pen*


** Image ID #1940849 Unavailable **


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141
141
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Howdy!

I'm doing a Member to Member review for Rising Stars. I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps! *Smile*

Overall Impression:
This is really wonderful. I love that you (and mostly your cousin) were able to dig up these great stories about your family! Thanks for sharing them. You also wrote a great intro or whatever they call that thing at the top to get us interested in reading what you wrote. "The rest is history" really got me. *Smile*

Grammar and Mechanics:
In your 4th paragraph, you wrote, "In 1695, William arrived in Perth, Amboy, New Jersey." Is there supposed to be a comma between Perth and Amboy? There isn't in your intro/tagline thing at the top.

Suggestions:
If you can post any family pictures with this story, that would be great...even if it's just a pic of your cousin who did so much research. *Smile*

Favorite Part:
I love the 3rd to last paragraph where you talk about the old homes that are still standing. Amazing!

Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing! *Notepad* *Pen*


** Image ID #1940849 Unavailable **


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142
142
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! What a powerful poem! No wonder it has a ribbon! I lost my dad at 14, but it wasn't at Christmas time. I'm so sorry!

I love that you used a different font. I forget that's an option here. lol

"I remember his clothes, his face a blur" is, unfortunately, something I can related to. *Frown*

Very well done! Congratulations on your talent! Great job! Keep it up!


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143
143
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You asked me to review your poem. I'm not much of a poet, but I'll give it my best shot. *Smile* Remember, these are only my opinions, so take what's useful and ignore the rest (especially since I'm not good at poetry).

This is just a stylistic choice, but I'd consider shortening the lines so that instead of having internal rhyme, they'd be couplets. I think it just looks more poetic. For example...

Dedicating this poem, isn't as hard as it seems.
It's for a 16 year old girl who lost all her dreams.

Now, for more grammatical issues, I'm pretty sure there shouldn't be a comma after "poem" in the 1st line. Also. that should be "16-year-old." (If you say 16 years old, there aren't dashes.) Also, technically, it should be "sixteen-year-old" but I prefer to write out numbers myself. lol

In the 2nd line, "Why the Lord..." isn't a complete sentence. That is just a continuation of the last sentence. And there shouldn't be a comma after "life."

In line 4, that should be "its feet." "It's" means "it is." The same goes for the next to last line with "...all it's pain" should be "...all its pain."

In line 5, there shouldn't be a comma after "life."

In line 6, I'm not 100% sure either of those commas should be there, but maybe.

In line 7, there shouldn't be a comma after "society." I also don't think you need the last comma.

In line 8, you don't need the comma after "time" or "life." You love commas, huh? lol

Neither comma is needed in line 9 and I don't think you need either in line 10. Also, don't forget your ending period after "range."

There's a Horizons comma class coming up in January, if you are interested. *Smile*

This is a nice poem and I could feel your heart in it, but it still needs some work. Keep at it. I can see great things ahead! Good luck!


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144
144
Review of War Drum  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Howdy!

I'm doing a Member to Member review for Rising Stars. I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps! *Smile*

Overall Impression:
Interesting piece, though I had to read it more than once to feel like I fully got it. I'm sure that's mostly because you were working with such few words. Good job!

Plot:
Injah is a conscripted soldier about to enter yet another battle. I think this might have been a sneak attack.

Characters:
I really appreciate how your character doesn't have a normal name, but it's also not something I struggle to pronounce. Thank you. lol

Dialogue:
N/A

Grammar and Mechanics:
Except that "The fateful call" isn't a complete sentence, I didn't notice anything and that one can be considered an appropriate author's choice, so no worries. *Smile*

Suggestions:
When I write for a contest, I like to use grey to write at the top and say what contest (so folks can click on it if they are interested in entering too), the prompt so they know what I was working with, and if I won, I include that too. Just a suggestion...

Favorite Part:
I really like the intro--"BANG!" And I like how you end with "The fateful call" which circles back around to that first sentence, "BANG!" Great work!

Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing! *Notepad* *Pen*


** Image ID #1940849 Unavailable **


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145
145
Review of Hellspam  
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Howdy!

I'm doing a Member to Member review for Rising Stars. I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps! *Smile*

Overall Impression:
Really creative story idea and especially creative style! I love what you did with this!

Plot:
A girl is e-mailing home about life at college.

Style and Voice:
I can totally hear her voice in this. Wonderful job with the lead character here!

Scene/Setting:
College

Dialogue:
Most of the "dialogue" is in the form of the e-mail and is really well done.

Grammar and Mechanics:
No errors noticed. Great work!

Suggestions:
"...supercool and I'm superpsyched." I'm pretty sure that should be "...super cool and I'm super psyched," but it is an e-mail, so mistakes are more acceptable. Don't feel too pressured to change it. *Smile*

When writing for a contest, personally, to help the reader, I like to put the prompt at the top in grey so folks know what I was working with. I also put the contest in there as a link in case they want to click it and if I win, I put that in there too...just a thought... *Bigsmile*

Favorite Part:
I LOVE that the guy's nickname is Brownie. lol So creative! This whole piece is creative! Excellent work!

Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing! *Notepad* *Pen*


** Image ID #1940849 Unavailable **


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146
146
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I'm reviewing this for Newbies Are the Judge. Thank you SO MUCH for entering!

"Go back to sleep for a bit."
"I'm not a bit sleepy."
It's just a personal thing, but I don't like "a bit" being used practically back to back here.

"...then hopped out of the bed..." Again, it's just a personal choice, but I feel like since he's tired and wishes she'd go back to sleep that he wouldn't "hop" out of bed. That suggests more energy than I saw the last few lines before.

"Jess pulled a small box out from behind his back. "I have not forgotten your birthday."" This is one of my favorite lines. *Bigsmile*

"Can I have now?" Did you mean, "Can I have it now?"

"It was as though an autumn fog devoid of water had sat itself down on top of the city and refused to move." FANTASTIC description!

"And now the stench of death added to the over powering heaviness..." I"m glad to see you acknowledge that people start to stink kind of fast. I get annoyed when people think a day later still there's no smell when in fact, it starts in a few short hours...at least in my experience.

This is just me, but I'd like it if at least part of what took him so long was he was searching for her gift, even if he didn't find it.

What a beautiful story! I especially love stories set in real life and times. Very well done! I'm SO glad you entered this contest and I'm so glad I'm judging! Well done and thank you!


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147
147
Review of Writing  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Then the chemical reaction
when you remember
how it felt."
I really like those lines--especially the part about the chemical reaction. Nice work. *Smile*

"When you don't sit
to pen and paper in hand."
This seems a bit awkward to me because I don't really think you "...sit to pen and paper..."

"You know beyond a
shadow of doubt there's"
I think you should try to find something besides "beyond a shadow of a doubt" because it's so common and this isn't a common poem. *Smile*

"A piece of you that longs
to come out,
to be seen by eyes to light
the vision from your mind"
Great work here!

"You live for the moments
because you think
this is why I was created -
This is my purpose."
You switch from "you" to "I" here. I think to make it smoother/clearer, you should have quotation marks around "This is why I was created - This is my purpose."

Lovely work! Good luck in the contest!


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148
148
Review of The Trinket  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"...she sat with her back against the tree trunk." I love your choice for the word "trunk." Very creative!

"...when I was the one who sent her crying from to begin with." The "from" seems out of place. I feel like you started in one direction, then went in another. *Smile*

This is a really sweet story. I love it! Good luck!


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149
149
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Are you still handing out Darcy MBs for 35,000? I assme so! I'll totally donate! *Bigsmile*

I'm really curious about that book you were reading, "Eligible." How did you finally like it? I hope you did. As for whether Jane Austen would have liked it, I'm with you. I don't know. On the one hand it's flattering when someone takes your art and does something else with it. On the other hand, if you don't like or appreciate it, to you, they've just made an abomination out of something you loved and that's no bueno. Interesting idea to ponder...also, interesting sounding book. lol

Thanks for your description of the other movie as well, "Becoming Jane." You really help me know better about whether I want to watch a movie when you describe them as you do. Nicely done! I appreciate that! *Bigsmile*

You have PUBLISHED book?!? HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!? I'm sure Jane Austen would also be so proud of you and would feel honored that you wanted to put your books next to hers. *Smile*

Yet another great newsletter! Thank you again!


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150
150
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
You got a Quill Award for this newsletter?!? HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!? CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I'm sure your husband sighed a big sigh of relief when you told him you weren't going to drag him to "Love and Friendship." HAHAHA Unless he's just an odd guy. I actually had a boyfriend that we would argue over which movie to see because I liked the action movies and HE liked the romantic comedies. *Rolling* Backwards!

It might be interesting to see the old and new(er) "Pride and Prejudice" movies and compare and contrast in a newsletter. Just an idea. Also, there are 3 mini-series of the book, according to www.IMDB.com--1980, 1995, and 2014. If you can find at least 2 of them, you could compare and contrast them as well. *Smile* Just thoughts...I'm curious to know which is best of all those. Probably one of the mini-series because they could devote more time rather than having to take out story lines and collapse everything for a movie.

Fascinating tidbit about the reverend. You're newsletters are so interesting, but I guess that's why you won Quills, huh? lol Thanks for all the thought you put into them!


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