I couldn't believe that I hadn't reviewed this forum before now. This forum provides a place to request prayer, the support that we need in times of deepest pain and need. It's also a place to share thanksgiving.
Those of us who use this place of comfort and seeking are grateful that it's here.
Ah, I do like this poem. The imagery and message are true and vivid. Hmmm . . . could we all be perfect?
A couple of places caused me to stumble. One was the line It lures you in. This is just my opinion, but I think maybe "in" should be omited. Another place was the word "dilusion." I know that dilution is a word and delusion is, but I can't find dilusion.
This In & Out has a very interesting concept. I wish that the words submitted did indeed follow the alphabet, but some people either can't follow direction, don't know the alphabet, or some glitch caused the problem.
Any way, I enjoyed the idea and some of the words given.
The topic of your article is timely and one of interest to most writers. Yes, at times we should consider being published without being paid in order to advance our writing careers. You are also correct to suggest that we investigate any group or person who wants to publish our work without pay. You have excellent points.
One thing that concerns me about this item
is the problems with grammar, including punctuation. I hope you have someone who can and will give you a complete edit. This article has too much promise to leave at a lower-than-publishable condition.
You might want to take a peek at the public display of this item and see where some paragraphs do not have the double space between them.
I'm glad you wrote this essay. It's thought provoking indeed. I'm not sure what the reference to The Cheers, though. And, shouldn't the title be italicized?
Welcome to Writing.Com. I'm glad to see you posting your work on the site.
Wow, things go on at your workplace than ever did at mine. I don't remember being able to smell anything cooking, unless I taught in a school with home ec. classes. Anyway, this has some well-worded imagery, which is good.
I would just suggest that you look at the poem again and see where needed punctuation would help the reader better understand what you're writing.
Some of the things listed seem a bit odd to find at work. I wonder where you work, what you are supposed to be doing.
This is an interesting idea for a poem. I hope you polish it a bit more to make it even better.
I would find this very engaging if I were left feeling as if I had just looked at a list of words. I found some spots of imagery hidden here and there. I could see how this could be tied together with just a bit of help.
Toward the end of the lists, a few thoughts are coherent and cohesive. I would like to see more of that coherency throughout.
Hi, Welcome to Writing.Com. I'm glad to see you posting your work here.
You have some emotional and true comments in this paragraph. In fact this is almost poetic. I could see you putting this into short lines and creating a poem.
You might want to use spell check: weren't rather than wern't, one's rather than ones.
The incomplete thoughts leave a question in my mind. Those became stumbling blocks to the cohesion of the piece.
Wow, I don't know what else to say except wow. This was one of the best stories I've ever read of yours. The characters are real, as if I could reach out and touch them. The love of the mother breathed as she wanted them with her but wanted them safe. What a paradox of emotion.
You outdid yourself, Bill. The only part that caused me to stumble a bit was this sentence, "The old woman was at the end." The idea seemed incomplete.
You have some marvelous imagery in this poem. You write a painting of words, bringing a vivid mental picture to readers.
The punctuation used needs some work. I firmly believe that punctuation is essential in helping the reader understand what the writers means. However, it helps more if correct. For example, a comma is not needed at the end of the first line, but a semicolon or period is needed at the end of the second line.
The rhyme scheme was flawed. Some the the words were not real rhymes, like snow and grows, stop and cup, undimmed and brim, hearts and apart.
I really like the theme and message of this poem, that we have an angel watching over us. Some angels, though, are rather overworked, I'm afaid. Some of the imagery is very good.
The poem itself is choppy with the punctuation at the end of each and every line, even when not needed. One way to smooth out the poem would be to reword things just a bit. For example, you have I heard an Angel whisper in my dreams.
He set quiet my nightmares and screams.
A slight rewording deletes the period at the end of the first line:
I heard an angel whisper in my dreams
As he quietened my nightmares and screams.
The result is less choppiness. Also angel doesn't need to be capitalized.
Some of the lines seem added just to have a rhyme, like scurrying past the cat.
You have good ideas and images. A little polishing is all that is needed.
Welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you have found a home for your writing.
This poem is so full of pain and heartache and need. The wish to have a different type of sympathy than tears is a common need of people who are suffering from whatever. In fact most don't want or need sympathy but empathy, something much different.
The only suggestion I would have is to use needed punctuation so that ideas and thoughts that need to be together are, and other thoughts don't run together. One example is the first line in the second stanza, which needs a period at the end.
You use words so well. You create a very vivid picture with them.
This poem has power, yet the wording is soft and seductive. I think my favorite lines are the last stanza; the contrast between a warrior and a little girl is striking.
In the third stanza, in the following line, you is the understood subject, but I don't think you mean someone else: Put up my defenses, build up my wall.
In a few places, the punctuation is off. For example in the fourth stanza, a period is needed at the end of the first line to avoid a comma-splice, a type of runon sentence.
Welcome to W.Com. Please read the review before you become upset with the rating. I have suggestions that hopefully will help you improve your work.
The emotion is difinitely strong in this piece. I'm glad to read of your strength under terrible circumstances.
Please check your spelling/typos. In the first line I think you mean and rather than an, for example.
Check your gammar: You were wrong is correct while you was is incorrect. There are more than one instance of this.
I'm not sure what you mean by the following line: You think by touching me in places that i was not suppose to touch me at a young age.
This poem would actually be stronger if you avoided the profanity. In fact, the contest of this poem and the language makes it a much higher rated item than E.
There are some other problem areas, but that is a start.
Please try to revise this. Use the emotion to create a poem that is powerful and well written, please. I know you can do this.
This poem contains lovely imagery. You use words like vivid paints spread upon a canvas, creating a painting.
I like the use of needed punctuation in poetry, because it helps the reader better understand where ideas and thoughts begin and end. However, linking phrases and sentences together with commas causes some confusion. There should be a period at the end of each sentence even if that isn't at the end of the stanza.
Your contest information header is interesting and attention grabbing. Everything is set out in an attractive and organized manner.
I like how you connect your poetry contest with the monthly poetry newsletter that you edit. It not only gives poets a place to practice their writing, but also a way to create more interest in the newsletter.
Hi, welcome to Writing.Com. I'm glad you posted something for us to read and review. I hope you continue to do so.
I don't often write a review longer than the writing I'm reviewing, yet I am here.
Yes, poetry is supposed to be concise and precise, but I think maybe it should contain more than one question. The question is an excellent start, although not original. I think almost everyone has asked it.
Could you take this and develop it into something more? If you do, please let me know so that I can review again and perhaps adjust the rating.
This story is filled with emotion and love. I enjoyed the idea of the love between parents and for their child. It leaves a tear in my heart.
Correct spelling and using the correct form of words are so necessary for good writing. Using spell check would catch many of the problem areas, but not all, since some words sound the same, or nearly the same, but have different meanings. A few examples of words used incorrectly: wisper for whisper, allusion for illusion, though for thought, fathers for father's, set for seat, and others.
Correct sentence structure and punctuation helps keep thoughts from running together. For instance the following sentence is a run-on because a needed comma is missing: He became a little weaker and I was forced to become a little stronger. A comma is required after weaker. There are several such sentences in this story.
Sentences should also be complete thoughts. Fragments such as One day aren't.
Each time a different person speaks, a new paragraph is needed.
Yes, this story could use some revision and polishing, but the foundation of a good story is there. Mechanics can be learned, but being a good story teller can't.
Hello. I'm glad to see you post your work on W.Com. I hope you have been warmly welcomed.
I can understand the emotion in this poetry. So many times others think because we don't agree with them, or they with us, we're automatically wrong. You make a very good point.
The constant repetition of the same thoughts and ideas could improve the poem with a little more extension, some rewording.
What a wonderful poem filled with the imagery of saying goodbye, the poignancy and need for farewells. You use words like paints on a palette to create a work of art.
A few punctuation problems need to be fixed: A comma is needed after the first line; one isn't needed at the end of line six; one is needed at the end of line twenty-five; two are needed at the end of lines one and two in the last stanza.
Do you think you could use another word in place of one goodbye? Farewell or so long?
Ah, I really like this poem, the loving nature of it, the vivid yet soft imagery. I like the picture of the tombstones being hunched over little men scattered about.
Yes, some punctuation problems popped up here and there, but the magic of the word painting hides any faults.
This is an interesting idea and grabbed my attention immediately. However I wasn't sure how the dog was able to add to the journal.
Other than a few sentence structure, punctuation, and one typo, the main problem I encountered is the feeling that this is not complete. I'm left feeling dissatisfied as a result.
You have started something that I hope you will finish.
Welcome to W.Com. If I can ever be of help, please let me know.
You weave a lovely tapestry with words. The reader becomes involved with your imagery, descriptions, and tale.
The two things that caused me to stumble in my reading were problems with sentence structure and with punctuation. I found run-on sentences and sentence fragments where correct sentences would help thoughts from running together and keep the meaning clear. If you would like a complete edit, please let me know.
Now this is my personal opinion (and that of professional editors), but using colors in professional writing detracts from the words themselves.
Using all capital letters in like yelling in writing. You might want to stay away from that.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 5:43pm on Apr 26, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
I couldn't believe that I hadn't reviewed this forum before now. This forum provides a place to request prayer, the support that we need in times of deepest pain and need. It's also a place to share thanksgiving.
Those of us who use this place of comfort and seeking are grateful that it's here.
Ah, I do like this poem. The imagery and message are true and vivid. Hmmm . . . could we all be perfect?
A couple of places caused me to stumble. One was the line 
I'm glad you wrote this essay. It's thought provoking indeed. I'm not sure what the reference to The Cheers, though. And, shouldn't the title be italicized?
Good job, Stormy.