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1,142 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return. Rising star award
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of I Met God  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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Hi,Victoria Anne Emslie ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
The first paragraph sets the scene by introducing the fact that the main character is fulfilling an assignment. Due to the nature of what she has chosen to do with the assignment, I suspected she would learn something profound, so I wanted to read on to learn what life lesson it would be.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed exceptionally well in this story. The only suggestion I have here is maybe when God is speaking, use italics. Not using italics doesn't affect the clarity of those areas, but it would show that only she can hear God in her head as if it is an internal thought implanted by him.

Character Development
Characters are defined well, especially Carla. It is not mentioned, but I get a sense that she is already a believer in God, but doesn't understand how someone who seemingly has lost everything could also believe. She is also a bit fearless because she does not fear coming up to three male homeless strangers. Instead, she seems quite confident when she approaches them. Some people would be cautious, not necessarily because they are homeless, but more so because a woman with three strange men could end up being a scary situation.

She also seems to have an artists mind, which is fitting since she is a photographer. Us artists seem to view things a bit differently, seeing bits of things others neglect to see, like the photo with the light above the men's heads due to the firelight.

The houseless men are interesting. I like how you show their individual stories and show how they have things to be grateful for. Little details like showing us the man's scar help us to see these characters.

Scenery
The scenery is done well when we are learning about the three men. It is easy to imagine the typical scene, which is often in movies, where people are standing around a bin to keep warm.

Plot
I thought it was a good plot. The theme was inspiring and it gives a different perspective on the homeless, which is not often seen in writing.

This story fits the prompt as far as the doing something for the greater good part. Although, I'm not really understanding where the doing something she fears or detests comes into play in this story. It seems as if she is following the path she was already on, but with the extra guidance from God.

Mechanics
“How did you come to believe in god(God)?”

she felt that it gave each photo a sense of the Other than she assumed god would give any situation.- This part of the sentence needs some clarity. I'm not really sure what you mean by "sense of the Other". Also, "God" needs to be capitalized.


Final thoughts
Overall, this was a great story. It was well written and you should be very proud of it.

Thank you for sharing your story! I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Review of Toward Darkness  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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Hi,🌓 HuntersMoon ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
The first paragraph introduces us to poor aging Bob. The details there are great with him looking into the dirty glass to see his reflection. Although, the real hook here is when we learn he has lost his job. It is then that we begin to understand that Bob is homeless due to unemployment.

Dialogue
Dialogue is handled very well. I liked the bit when he is mumbling to himself at the beginning of the story. It shows he's an angry and discontent man. Then toward the end, dialogue carries us through the hilarious conclusion.

Character Development
This man's character is built exceptionally well. Like I mentioned earlier, he seems very angry. Although, we learn why and can't blame him for feeling the way he does. Then when he is given that choice, in a way I wanted him to keep the money, even though it might not be the moral thing to do.

Scenery
The scenery is pretty basic but added to the actions of the story. Personally, I don't feel there is a need for more in order to show this story.

Plot
I thought the plot was hilarious. This is mostly due to the contrast of the situations. The situation with Bob is pretty traumatic, while the angels and dark lord are nonchalant.

It follows the prompt well too. He makes a decision against his morality for his own survival, which is doing something they detest for the greater good. Well, the greater good for his own needs that is.

Mechanics
I didn't see any areas to trip over. It is a well-edited story.

Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read! Although, I should not be surprised you'd throw a bit of humor into the plot.

Thank you for sharing your writing, Ken. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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Hi,Mordee2 ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" .

The hook
The story begins by introducing us to poor Chester, who is pretty much afraid of everything. My first thoughts here was this guy really must live an unhappy life with trying to avoid pretty much everything. Since the prompt expresses that someone must overcome a fear for the purpose of the greater good, I was curious as to how he would overcome these fears.

Dialogue
The dialogue is executed well. You don't use the redundant said and instead use other dialogue tags like "yelled". This helps more in helping the reader see the characters speaking rather than just being told they said something.

Character Development
Chester was really the only developed character in this story. We see him pretty clearly with his panic and internal thoughts. Everyone else is pretty much just fillers for his character to feed off of. For example, people say things but we don't know what they look like or have any personality attached to them. They are just there to tell us there is no other elevator is available, someone might deliver a baby, etc.

Scenery
The scenery was shown well into the actions of the story. We get a clear picture of the building he works in, understanding that people live in the floors above. I thought about some of the highrise apartments which are in the city I live in. Often stores will be on the bottom level, while the apartments are on the upper floors.

Plot
You added all the elements of the prompt. He did have a fear which he had to overcome for the greater good. In many ways the unrealistic quality of all his fears having to be faced at once was comical. It was like one of those bad days where everything seems to happen in slapstick comedy.

The odds of there being that many bees in a building like that, teamed with the snake getting loose, all elevators breaking, and even a woman going into birth is highly unrealistic. Although, you did really well showing how he'd have to overcome all of these fears by becoming the hero of the day.

Mechanics
I found a few errors, which I felt need your attention.

Cried(cried) a pregnant woman
He leapt(leaped) to his feet

Final thoughts
This was a fun read. Thank you for your submission to the contest. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review of Anxiety-Stricken  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Hi,Jade Amber Jewel ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
The information in the first paragraph works as a good hook because it identifies Clyde's struggles. He is so nervous he curled himself in a ball. I was curious of why.

Dialogue
The actual chosen speech of these characters is realistic to the body language and actions of the story. Each character is distinct in their dialogue as well, which shows a lot of dimension in the characters.

In areas where there is dialogue, you tend to lump speech by several people in one paragraph. This causes some confusion as to who is actually speaking sometimes. So, I suggest breaking these paragraphs up. Below is one of those paragraphs broken up, so you can see what I mean.

"Are you guys ready?" Mrs. Rawlings asked.

"Yes," The students replied in a bored tone.

Mrs. Rawlings took a stack of paper as thick as a novel and started handing out a piece of paper out to each student. Derek rubbed his hand on Clyde's shoulder and comforted him by saying "Hey, don't sweat it. You're smart. I'm sure that you'll pass the test and move up."

Sure, I'm smart, but am I smart enough? Clyde worriedly thought.

"Clyde." Mrs. Rawlings interjected his thinking to put down a piece of paper in front of him. "Derek." She placed the same piece of paper that she gave Clyde, in front of Derek, then moved on.

Character Development

I feel character development is the strongest aspect of this story. All characters are well developed, which helps the reader really see them, feeling like they are experiencing what they are. Good job with this!

There is some really good character development here. I really felt his anxiety throughout. Little details like sweaty palms, him dropping his books, and getting overwhelmed in the busy hallways, do well in building his character.

His friend was a sweet kid. I like how he does little comforting things like rubbing his nervous friend's shoulders to give him support.

The teacher seems stern. Her quick speech, clasping of hands, and tone in her dialogue give this impression. In some areas, she appears to be mean. For example, when he is sweating and anxiety stricken, she accuses him of trying to waste her time.

Scenery
There are some great scenery descriptions, which really show how intimidating it would be for someone with anxiety. For one, the busy hallway would be overwhelming for anyone with phobias. Then aspects in the classroom, like the announcement on the chalkboard having exclamation marks.

Plot
Your interpretation of the prompt was unique! I was all into the story thinking it was so realistic with the poor kid's anxiety. Then once I got to the teacher getting arrested I thought you were getting carried away, bordering on way too unrealistic. Once I learned it was a dream, it made complete sense. Very creative.


Mechanics
I notice you use the word "that" a bit redundantly. The only reason I noticed is that I tend to have the same issue. Many times the sentence functions just fine without the world "that". Below is an example of what I mean.

he stayed in that position an hour after the teachers said that everything was now okay and that everyone could go home early. - Notice how you used the word "that" three times here? Two of them are unnecessary.

This is throughout, so I encourage you to evaluate the areas where you use the word "that" and delete those where the sentence reads just fine without it.

But one day at school would put any other day where his anxiety kicked in, to shame.

two kids bumped into him and nearly fell over- I think you are actually meaning Clyde almost fell over due to the kids bumping into him, but the way this sentence is worded it reads like the kids who bumped him almost fell over.

Clyde was soon engulfed by a swarm of students, some were chatting with friends as they walked, others had their heads down, either because they were reading a book or looking at something on their phone. - This is one long run-on sentence. Maybe consider using periods instead of commas to separate the complete sentences.

Final thoughts
It has been a pleasure reading your story, Jade. It is impressive seeing someone so young putting so much effort into her writing. I wish my own children would take interest in writing, but alas, they are math people with little interest in such things. Anywho, I can only imagine what an amazing writer will be since you are working on honing in on your skills at such a young age.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully, my thoughts have been helpful. If at any time you edit this story, let me know and I would be happy to up my rating according to any repairs.

Most importantly, Keep writing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review of The Pianist  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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Hi,Write 2 Publish 2020 ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
Right away we are introduced to Carly, who is so nervous she fears her father will hear her heart beating. This tells us two things. First of all, she is about to tell her father something very import, which she fears doing. Second, it tells us her father is intimidating. I was curious about what caused these dynamics and curious about what she was going to tell her father.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed very well. I get a sense of each of these characters through their chosen speech as if they are unique in personality. Plus, you add plenty of body language, rather than the redundant said. So, we are shown these character's speaking, rather than just being told they said something.

Character Development
Carla is nervous and seems to fear interrupting her father. Maybe this is because she knows he'll get angry and say no. Although, she seems to be a very strong young woman because she stands up to him.

The father appears to have grown into a very unhappy and selfish man. Or, maybe he is just so absorbed into his work, it has become his main priority. Non-the-less, this existence he has created for himself has made him a very unhappy man.

The mother is pretty tame because she does not yell. Instead, she whispers to get his attention and quietly threatens divorce.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery, but I don't really think there is much more needed to show this story. We can easily envision a basic office, although if you wanted to add some scenery here, you could use the office as a means of making the scene more intimidating.

Plot
You did well following the plot. Both the father and the daughter do something they detest or fear for the greater good. The father plays the piano to keep his marriage. The daughter fears her father but still asks him to help her.

Mechanics
I only found one little issue.

You know I don't play any more(anymore)

Final thoughts
This was a great little story. There was plenty of character development and it was well edited.

Thank you for sharing your story with the contest. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

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Hi,Pesky Amanda is a NaNo WINNER! ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
I felt it was an interesting beginning using the television infomercial as an introduction, especially since it plays an important part in the story. Although, the hook here is when the main character looks into the refrigerator and we realize his emotional state contradicts the infomercial.

Dialogue
The words spoken words of the characters are realistic to the natural flow of speech and it is conversational. The conversation in his head with the lady in the commercial was entertaining.

The only suggestion I would have here is to maybe tone down on the word "said". It is a bit too repetitive throughout.

Character Development
The main character is really the one most developed in the story. He's struggling with finding happiness in his monotonous life. After hearing the commercial promoting finding happiness, he can't get the voice out of his head. This is possibly psychological because he needs to make a change in his life.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery. We have an apartment with an empty refrigerator, a couch, and a television. Then we have an office with cubicles. These descriptions are pretty simple, but at the same time, they show a bleak existence, which is probably part of the man's unhappiness.

Plot
The plot is interesting. I was curious as to what he needed for happiness. To be honest, I thought Sandra might have had a crush on him and love would be what he needed. Although, it turns out self-sacrifice for the greater good is what he needed to find happiness.

Mechanics
I found a few issues which I feel need your attention.

Allan went home, at(ate) a frozen dinner,

Choose Happiness!” Said(said) the overly chipper woman

but Allan sat up in his bed in the darkness- You already let the reader know the room was dark. Then you do again here and again later. We only need to be told this once in order for the imagery of the dark room to be shown, otherwise, it gets redundant.

“Oh really. And how to do you figure that, figment?”

Helping his dad in the garden every year.- this is a sentence fragment, maybe consider rephrasing.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your story. It was a fun read. Thank you for sharing it. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review of Visi Stands  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

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Hi,Lovina ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
the fact that she is leary of what lurks in the water suggests something dangerous or at least important might be there. I wanted to read on to see what it was, so it works as a hook.

Dialogue
There isn't any spoken dialogue, but there is thought dailogue. I liked the poetic feel of her internal thoughts. It also helps us know the background of the situation since these thoughts are reflections of the past.

Character Development
Visi has experienced a traumatic experience with a giant sea serpent. She loved her guard and still is saddened by his death. In some ways, this death is the driving force behind her future plans. She's an example of how strength can be acquired through survival. She's also an example of a strong female character.

Scenery
There was some beautiful scenery with the showing of the ocean. You paint an interesting fantasy world, where sea creatures torment the inhabitants of the earth. I thought it was an interesting concept. Although, I feel you could have utilized the 2000 word allowance to show this world more.

Plot
The plot is interesting and follows the prompt. She is standing up to the thing she fears most, this sea serpent, for the purpose of the greater good of humanity. I thought it was a creative use of the prompt.

Mechanics
I didn't find anything that stood out. There were no grammar or spelling errors for me to trip over, at least from my perception.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your story and felt it was very creative. Thank you for sharing your writing and for submitting it to the contest. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
Review of Fran's Father  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

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Hi,PureSciFiPlus ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
The story begins with a child's nightmare of a burnt man in a house. It piqued my curiosity because sometimes nightmares can be acquired from traumatic events. So, I wondered if it was a memory of sorts. So, it works as a hook.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed fairly well. Most of it is conversational. I found it strange that the daughter called her dad Father. The reason being, usually kids will say, Dad, Daddy, Pappa, or some other cultural term of endearment for father. Father is just too formal.

In many areas where you have speaking it seems matter of fact during traumatic events. This is mostly because there is no body language or internal emotions to express the intensity of the situation. So, maybe if you get around to adding to this story, you might want to add those elements to it.


Character Development
Fran is a strong young woman, mentally and physically. This is apparent when she takes charge by breaking the chair and turning over the table. The father seems a bit weaker in some respects. He sort of gives up when beneath the table. Although, when his daughter was in the same situation he seemed strong.

Although it is adrenaline which gives Fran the ability to lift the table off of her father, I find it strange that she would be able to drag his heavy body such a long distance without him showing signs of agony along the way. After all, if he was that hurt, dragging him might cause more damage and pain.

Was the man stealing food from houses the burned man? I was a little confused about that, so maybe a little bit of clarity to let the reader know for sure would help in making this clear.


Scenery
There are some interesting bits of scenery displayed. We have a bomb shelter, which makes me wonder if this takes place in the past or future. Very few homes have bomb shelters these days. Although, the correlation with her envisioning it in her nightmares makes for an intriguing story.

Plot
I thought that the concept in this story was an interesting take on the prompt. Fran is having nightmares, which are actually due to something in her father's past. They also entwine with her own experience of being trapped when a dilapidated home begins to collapse. This sets up the dilemma for her to have to choose to fight through her own fears from her nightmares and instead use the nightmares as a psychic resource to find safety.

I got a little confused with the way you split this story up. When the first part cuts off, I thought we were going to learn how it was the father's fault. Instead, we are taken to the daughter where she is warned not to go across the street and told about a man who is stealing food from homes. Then we are taken to the daughter's experience at four years old. We don't actually get to the events of why she is dreaming about a burned man for a while.

Final thoughts
I thought the concepts here were very creative and they utilized the prompt well. I just feel it needs a bit of tuning up in the showing of the story.

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

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Hi,RobertJ ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
Since I'm American, I know what the symbolism is with the shot heard around the world, so I was pretty sure it would be about the Revolutionary War. Most of us learn about this in school. I was curious if you were going to put a new twist on the old classic stories.

Then the story begins by introducing us to Paul, who is tied up. I thought this was a good start because it introduces the reading audience to drama right away. I was curious why he was tied up.

What I liked

I thought you did well following the prompt. Paul putting his life in danger by choosing to be a spy is a great example of someone doing something for the greater good. In a way, he is lying, which is probably against his morality, but he is doing so for a greater purpose.

My suggestions
I thought the dialogue was executed pretty well. The words spoken matched what was going on during the time and the tone they spoke in matched situations. Although, I do have a little suggestion here. The characters speak like they do now in modern times, but back then they spoke much different using words we do not commonly use now. They also had their own slang. Some of these elements would have added to this story making it feel more realistic.

Also, I found a few errors, which I felt need your attention.

Sun light(Sunlight) beamed through a crack

counter spy- counterspy

business man- businessman

behind the llead(lead) musket ball

one third- one-third

The man walked over and spoke as to him

seventy seven- seventy-seven

battle field- battlefield


Final thoughts
I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing it and submitting it to the contest *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review of Worth Saving  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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Hi,Jay O'Toole ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
The story begins with an introduction to Matt. Although, the actual hook is when we learn Matt has a huge bias against gays. The introduction of him mostly serves to soften his character, once that flaw is shown. I was interested to know whether there would be something which would change his views.

Dialogue
The dialogue was executed well. At first, I thought the bit where he asks him if he's right with God was a little forced. Then I realized it was intentional, possibly to show how doing so could seem judgmental to the other person. Like the main character contemplates, he didn't really get to know the guy first.

Character Development
I thought Matt's character was well developed. Character's with flaws are more dimentional, hense more believable. He's a Godly man, but he has an issue with people who are gay. In a way, due to his childhood experiences, he is sort of trying to prove something to himself, or at least that is the perception I got.

Scenery
The scenery is pretty basic, but there really isn't any more that needs to be shown in order to see the story.

Plot
You followed the prompt well. Matt has an issue with homosexuality, yet he saves a gay man from a fire. There is a little bit of a lesson for both men at the end. Maybe both of them should not be so judgmental right away.

Mechanics
You've turned in a well-edited story, so from my perception, this is error free.

Final thoughts
Thank you for sharing your story to the contest. It was a pleasure reading your story today. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
86
86
Review of The Good Shepherd  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

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Hi,Than Pence ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" 

The hook
The story begins with drama. We learn that the main character is obviously nervous or hurt due to his throat being restricted. Then we learn he has been presented with a choice. These qualities do well in hooking the reader.

Dialogue
The spoken words between quotation marks are expressed well. It is conversational, while avoiding being unrealistically formal.

I did have to struggle a bit trying to figure out who was actually speaking sometimes. This is due to you adding body language or actuals of two or more characters and then dialogue. Below is an example, but the issue is throughout.

Mil’jon smiled coldly. Thomas felt sick. “I knew where you’d be when faced with this choice.”

Character Development
Mil'jon is an interesting villain in the story. He's forcing Thomas to make a choice between power or the person Thomas loves.

I would not call Thomas a moral hero. He absorbs people to gain his powers, which isn't a very kind attribute. Although he is capable of love, which is a positive trait.

I found Jessica to be the most interesting character. I like the way you describe her washing the crystal, it is symbolic of washing Thomas' sins away, or at least that is the way I understood it. She's self-sacrificing because she is letting him know it is alright to choose to not absorb his flock to keep her alive.

Scenery
Scenery is executed well. I could see that Mil'jon and Thomas were outside, but then when he is with Jessica, they are in their home.

Plot
I feel you added all of the elements of the prompt. In order to make a choice for the higher good, he had to let the woman he loved die. It works as a good plot to a story.

Mechanics

I found some errors which I feel need your attention. Your words are in blue and mine are in black

Or killed Jessica. If she’s not dead- You forgot the period after dead.

“Oh,” he said, his smiling(smile) curling

Twenty feet way(away) stood Mil’jon

That revelation (made) Thomas flinch

Final thoughts
Overall, I think you handled the prompt well. I just feel you need some clarity within the dialogue so that we know who is speaking.

Thank you for sharing your writing. It has been a pleasure reading your story. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review of Injun' Country  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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Hi,sdv413 ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" .

The hook

Dialogue
The dialogue is one of my favorite aspects of this story. When doing a historical piece, with respect to the time period, words spoken should match that time period. Each time period and location has their own slang, and often they use words we no longer use in regular speech anymore. I felt you did an excellent job showing their accents from the old West with plenty of accurate slang.

Character Development
I think the older sister is probably one of my favorite characters. She's a strong old lady. This is evident by the fact she's lived on her own for so long.

Old Walkins is a good guy. I love the little details to show his description, like when you compare his aging to his horse Pal.

Scenery
You did well showing the roughness and dangers of the old West. There were plenty of details on his journey there to show what it looked like, which added to the actions of the story. For example, we know the season because the water is easy to cross due to being low.

Plot
I think you handled the prompt well. Back then traveling was dangerous, as you express with the dangers of Indians. Plus, going by the stories the neighbors are telling, his sister has gone a little crazy. There is a danger of being caught by Indians along the way and he doesn't know if his sister will shoot him when he gets there. Although, he chooses to make the trip anyways to get his sister to safety. So, this counts as going against a fear or making a sacrifice for the greater good.

Mechanics
shake his head and snort; but he always did what the old man expected him to- There should be a comma instead of a semicolon in this sentence.

Comanche reservation; but that was twenty-five years ago now, - There should be a comma in this sentence instead of a semicolon.

She had Red; she had chickens, and she had an old cow to milk that she called Mooly. - Another sentence where there should be a comma instead of the semicolon.

I've et 'em all. I sold the cow; and now that old Red up and died Tuesday last, there ain't nothin' to keep me here.- another area where you used a semicolon where a comma should be.

Final thoughts
Overall, I thought this was a great little story. I felt like I was drawn into one of those old Western movies, so you did excellent keeping to the time period throughout. Historical pieces are a challenge, at least for me, so I was impressed by that.

Thank you for sharing your writing. It was a pleasure reading your story. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of let them rot  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Alfred! While browsing the random read and reviews, I came across this verse. I thought it was well written, so figured I'd share my thoughts on it.

My first thoughts were that I could relate. Many say we should stick by family no matter what, although those who say such things sometimes have not experienced the consequences of a toxic family member. Sometimes we do need to cut ties for our own sanity or well being. For me, your poem seemed to express these concepts. It also seems to be a bit of a purging poem, which is evident by the angry tone.

There are some great lines here which show your anger towards them. Equating them to Cancer was especially potent. I like how you resolve to find happiness outside of their chaos. This shows when you express "in cheer I’ll bide/ my time, farewell!". Although, later there is a resemblance of home when you express "peace, so clever/ only hovers". To me this symbolized the peace which could happen if those involved could understand the concept, yet it only hovers because they don't choose it.

Overall great little free verse. Thank you for sharing it. *Heart*
89
89
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across yet another of your poems. This is a lovely verse. I love the symbolism here.

This is obviously a spiritual poem. You seem to be using the passing of night and day as a metaphor for spiritual progression. In the darkness, you listen for the creator's voice, then embrace the light which he/she brings. Or, at least that is what I perceived from your words, especially since I know your spiritual path is an important element in your daily life.

These lines are my favorite:

Where the world bleeds white,
I inhale the fragrance of your passing,

The reason I appreciate these lines is because it represents death as not a bad thing. It is part of the cycle of life, just as the passing of light and dark.

Overall, wonderful verse. Thank you for sharing, Snow. *Heart*
90
90
Review of The Sale  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi, Jacky! While browsing the random read and reviews I came across this flash fiction. I'm thinking it was probably written for a flash fiction contest with a limited word count. I think you did well with the limited word count.

The hook
We know her day has begun stressful. Most days which begin in such a way are typically catastrophic, with little mishaps throughout the day. I was curious as to what her experiences would be.

Dialogue
Dialogue was done well. There wasn't a lot, but what is here is fitting to the characters and story.

Character Development
I really get a sense of this woman's want and need for this hair equipment. It is on sale, so today is probably the only day she can afford it.

Scenery
There isn't really much scenery. The most important aspect of this story takes place in the story. I imagined a typical store. There really wasn't much need for more to show the story.

Plot
The plot was humorous! I liked the conclusion. With such a limited word count you were able to put a story together with a twist and good conclusion. Well done!

Mechanics
I found a few areas which I feel need attention, but they are an easy fix.

She was determined, she was sure the new Roseo hair dryer would solve all her problems. - This is a run-on sentence. Maybe consider putting an "and" between the two or making them two completely different sentences.

her makeup all smudged, especially under her eyes, dried coffee stains- needs an "and" after the "dried coffee stains"

Final thoughts
Overall, great little story here. Thank you for sharing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
91
91
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I came across this little flash fiction. It has been forever since I reviewed you, so figured I would share my thoughts on your writing.

I enjoyed this story. I learned something new, too. I was totally unaware that John F. Kennedy was a Gemini. I looked it up and saw that he had a moon in Virgo and his rising is in Tauras. All three signs are stereotypically analytical. No wonder he was such a thinker. Very interesting!

I loved this imaginative story you spun, showing his last day. There is a lesson entwined into the showing of this story. Sometimes we can get in such a hurry, we neglect to receive important messages in life. In this story, not reading the message, ultimately meant his life.

Overall, great story! Thank you for sharing your imagination! *Heart*
92
92
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi, Dominique! While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across this poem. I've seen the birthday cake prompt to this contest, so I know what you are trying to personify here. I'm not sure if all of the poem matches the personification aspects of the prompt, but I love your poem and the message it sends.


First thoughts
My first thoughts after reading this are that I appreciated how you took the chocolate and vanilla layered cake to new levels. It is a unique twist on the prompt.

Imagery
The imagery is the use of the cake to express how the cake is a mixture of skin tones, dark and white. It is equated to human skin pigment. The cake has two parents, one white and one brown. Then the cake expresses how he/she has loved many ethnic groups.

Emotive qualities
The main emotive quality here is the expression that we are really all the same underneath. Everything else is just a colored coating. It is more a message against racism.

Flow
The poem flows really well. Rhymes are consistent, nothing feels forced, and there were no areas where I felt I tripped over.

Mechanics
I didn't find any areas where I feel need attention. The poem is well edited.

Final thoughts
The poem is written really well. Although, I don't know if others would know it was an actual cake being personified here. It has more of the feel of an individual who is of mixed ethnicity, expressing the lack of importance on focusing on skin pigment. None-the-less, it is an excellent poem and you should be very proud of it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
93
93
Review of Trapped  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I came across this story. It was a chilling read and well written, too. So, I figured I'd stop and share my thoughts on your writing.

The hook
Right away we are introduced to the drama. She's been given notice of her future husband's death. I was curious about what would happen or if there was some mystery surrounding this death. The title and the description allude to this as well, so my interest was piqued to read on.

Dialogue
There is very little dialogue because the woman is mostly alone. Although, there is some internal dialogue which does well in showing the woman's emotional state. Towards the end, the dialogue that is there is done really well. The speech is realistic to the actions which occur and to the character.

Character Development
For such a short write, I felt there was a lot of development of characters. We get to know a lot about the finance through her thoughts and their connection to each other. The woman's character in the story is realistic of someone who has recently faced the loss of someone she loves.

Scenery
The scenery is symbolic to the story. It is Winter and life is fading, much like the death, she has just learned about. The scenery is expertly added into the plot without any unneeded descriptions to bore the reader.

Plot
The plot was chilling! The twist in the middle gives the reader hope, which makes that ending so traumatic. Well done!

Mechanics
I only found one little error, which is an easy fix.

how would will I live?

Final thoughts

This was a well-written story. By looking at the date it was written and last edited, you have apparently edited this quite a bit already. The fine-tuning shows.

Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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94
Review of The Bruiser  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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I'm back again. *Bigsmile*

You have a gift for imagery, when using whitty metaphors to express emotions and physical characteristics. References to earthworms were symbolic throughout to death and when he's crawling on the ground. Later, those same worms become part of the trauma and guilt. There is a lot of other symbolism which is really great, but this one stands out the most in the story.

The hook
Like your other story, this one starts out conversational. Written in first person, we are in their head. The descriptions of the house and the statements about the lights, express something mischievious is going on, which hooks the writer.

Although, after reading it all the way through, to be honest, this would read more cohesively beginning with his sister's gym insident. The gym insident seems more like a flashback, then we are taken back to the head master's house after that. It feels sort of jerky.

Dialogue
The words spoken by these characters are realistic to their aqe and the situations they encounter. The sister's speech is more mature, while the main chairacter thinks and speeks in a less mature way. This is fitting, since the sister is in puberty and the young man is a few years younger.

Character Development
Character's are well defined. The guilt the young man feels, which manifests into daymares is fitting and realistic to someone who is decent. It shows he has decent values. Anywone who has some values would have psycholical issues after such an insident.

Little details, like him not really fully understanding what a "pervert" was really made his character. It shows his naevity about the world. This also makes the ending make sense. Since he was too inocent to fully understand, he didn't realize what happened to him until later.

The sister, on the other hand, seems like an angry young woman. It made me think someone was doing something to her, so I was not surprised when I find out the answer to that question. She is smart and more rational in her actions, showing she has maybe planned it.

Again, we are not given the main character's name. It would help if you threw it in somewhere. Throwing it into the sister's dialogue somewhere would work well without it seeming forced.

Scenery
You use imagery well with showing the scenery. Describing the home like a children's pop-up book and then showing how the shadows danced, gave a creepy feel, which set the scene perfectly here.

One little issue with the setting I found is we do not find out the time period until the middle of the story. It would help show the story better if we knew the year earlier, somewhere close to the beginning of the story.

Plot
The plot is really good! I thought the two twists toward the end were excellent. The school scene when his guilt is getting the best of him is done really well. Then, the surprising conclusion is sad but sums up the sister's behavior and the story perfectly.

Mechanics
I found a few things, which I feel need attention. Your words are in blue and mine are in black.

You seem to repeat the word "then" and "that" quite a bit. In some of these areas, the words are unneeded. In the edit window, under word count, you can see which words are repeated often in your stories. I probably noticed the unneeded use of "that" because it is a common error of my own.

Nor did he slouch. Well preserved, like canned olives. - I love the analogy of canned olives. Although, being a sentence fragment it doesn't flow into the paragraph. maybe consider rewording it so that it is not a fragment.

I looked like an earthworm slithering through the grass- Since this is told in the first person, they wouldn't really know what they looked like, so maybe "I slithered through the grass like an earthworm" or I probably looked like an earthwork slithering through the grass" would work better.

“He should (go) to jail.”

she was going (to) nail her to the wall,

that (is) when he was done with her her butt would be above her shoulders

He was, after all, stone dead.- You repeat the "stone dead" in the next segment, so this line is unneeded.

Final thoughts
This story felt less edited than the last one I reviewed. Although, overall it is a great story. There is a ton of imagery and meaning thrown into it. So, it is definitely worth fine-tuning some more.

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
95
95
Review of Dame Frolicsome  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hi, Dame! While browsing the random read and reviews, I came across this little poem. It was a great little read. Well written!

My first thoughts were that this is someone young. When we are young we crave the challenge. The bad girls or bad guys are seen as a possible conquest. As we get older, after being burned we sometimes change our thinking with this.

The syllable count you have chosen, sort of makes this feel staccato. This works with the content because it resembles that quickened heartbeat or adrenaline rush when in such a relationship or in that stage of newness.

Overall, great poem. Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*
96
96
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Ridinghood! While browsing the random read and reviews this morning, I came across this lovely verse.

The emotions expressed in this poem is one of free love and peace. There were some interesting analogies. I looked up dragonfly children just in case it meant something else, but I'm assuming it means what I first assumed. Dragonflies have wings and they sparkle in the darkness, so I equated it to children having wings to pursue whatever they imagine and shining brightly.

Jazz politicians asleep at the wheel was an interesting analogy as well. It seemed you were referring to the ignorance within politics. Then the last stanza encourages this interpretation as you are equating the President as the blind leading the blind.

The abac rhyme scheme is consistent, helping this poem flow. To be honest, I didn't even know it rhymed until the second read through. So, apparently, there were no areas which felt forced for me to stumble over.

Overall, great poem. Thank you for sharing. *Heart*
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97
Review of Wasted Talent  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi, Angus! I found another one of your stories while browsing the random read and reviews. This was a short but impactful read.

There's a lot of character development thrown in this short write. That is not easy to do with such a small word count. Everyone around is discouraging with his dreams of art, yet he is persistent in trying. As an artist, this art teacher sort of annoyed me. Not everyone's art is the same. It is an individual expression.

At first, I was wondering why we don't get this young man's name. We get a lot of details about his life and those around him, but he is just referred to "he" or "him". Although, once we get to the end we find out who this young man is. Then it made sense why you left his name a secret until the end.

Great story, Angus. I was glued from beginning to end and the surprise conclusion was wonderful. Thanks for sharing your writing. *Bigsmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Jody! While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across this wonderful story. I'm glad I did. It was quite moving and inspirational.


The character development is done so well. I really get a sense of this young man. He's got flaws, which makes him dimensional and real to the reader. He's just a normal college kid. He would rather be out having fun with his friends than working with his grandfather. He's a little selfish, which doesn't make him a bad person, just normal. We all have selfish moments.

The grandfather seems like a good guy. He lost his wife and is looking for meaning. That too makes for a dimensional character. I felt like I wanted to sit and hang out with the guy and learn more of his stories. I loved that little story about mowing and how he equated it to his military years.

The bottle cap souvenier bit was a great addition to this story. It ties everything together and makes that wonderful ending more impactful. In a way, that bottle cap will mark an important learning experience. Not only has he done something for someone who can not do it himself, but since the young man is his age, he's learned a life lesson about self-sacrifice, appreciating the life he has, and appreciating those who made his comfortable life possible.

An overall amazing story, Jody. I am so happy I ran across this story. It was a wonderful read to end my reviewing day with. Thank you for sharing.
99
99
Review of New Beginnings  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi, Elby! I ran across this verse while browsing the random read and reviews. I enjoyed reading it, so figured I would share my thoughts.

I felt this was an inspirational verse. It is as if you are telling the reader that hardships are just part of the cycle and one must choose to find joy to get through it a little easier. After all, like you express, "We can not control nor re-arrange." There is a level of acceptance in order not to allow life's tribulations from stopping us from happiness.

There was one little error that I found. In stanza three you use "it's" when it should be "its". "Its" shows possession, while "it's" actually means "it is".

Besides that easy to fix error, this was well written. Thank you for sharing.
100
100
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Hi, Nova! While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across this little flash fiction.

Bullying is such a horrible thing to have to endure. This seems to be what you were sharing here. It is sad young people have to face such things.


There was some good showing of emotion here. I could see the hurt with the bullying experience, then feel the horrors of the cruelty of the whispers in the classroom.

There are a few errors in the story, which I would like to bring to your attention to help you better your story.

In the first sentence, you use both present and past tense, but the rest of the story is in the present tense. Maybe something like, "Someone shoves me and I wince as my shoulder hits the locker."

You also use repetitively use the lower case "i", which should be capitalized because it is considered a proper noun.

In the last sentence, I'm assuming you are home, especially since school was filled with whispers and beatings, yet this place you are barely noticed. Yet, you do not specify where you actually are. Maybe clarify for the reader that you are home if that is where you are.

There are a few issues in the writing, but overall, you get your point across to the reader.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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