This is a heartwarming story. You may reconsider rereading the story since ther are a few misspells and things that might not make sense. Even though I understood what you were trying to say. Here are some issues I found:
"One sunny afternoon, while Mme." whhat is Mme?
"The coin was truly a rare find, number , and she couldn't wait to add it to her prized collection." Doesnt really make sense to me.
and then after mrs... there is always a new sentence. I am not so sure if that is a mistake or if there is a reason behind it.
I think after these changes the story will run a lot smoother and make better sense.
overall the story was nice and heartwarming.
Very nice poem, something I am unable to do. Mine always come out as vinnettes... I think I spelled that wrong. Anyhow. I liked how it was written, smoothly. I could invision it.
I saw what you were going with it but I would advise to reread it. It is a little difficult to read since it is missing some periods. I believe once those are corrected, the poem should run smoother.
Hello, what an interesting poem. it ran smoothly, with no grammer issues. From what i can see. however, the title and the final line confused me. I understood the unease and the pain but the fact that it said "the meal you made yourself" it feels unbalanced. nothing was never eaten nor made. it just says that a meal that was made, was made by you, the writer? but if that is the case, i would recommend to add something at the top that ties in the ending. right now it just feels a little off.
This poem dipicts a time when the writer was happy and innocent.She wishes to go back to the feeling because, somewhere down the line she lost that feeling. It was well writen and represents true pain of a lost emotion. Its there, she just needs to search for it. It's not easy but it is well worth to find it, in order to find peace within herself.
I understand what you are intending to do. However, I was having a hard time reading it because there are no periods. It is just a long sentence and for this reason words did not make sense to me. But other then that I get the feeling. I hope you able to find peace within your heart and understand your worth. because you are worth it. If that makes sense.
Very nice beginning. It has intrigued me to know more. It kept my interest and would like to more. The writing ran smoothly with no issues that I see. Keep on writing.
the story was short and cute. wanted to see who was this "Them." But we never do which i would say is a good thing cause you can decide what this them, is.
This is an interesting poem. Kind of gave me a feeling of a tribe gone sideways. Here are a few things I've noticed where questionable to me. Please see below.
If they my people when I hurt so would they ( missing "were")
However they can’t be you see because not everyone will stick by your side (Doesn't make sense. Is it missing an apostrphe?)
writen twice ( not sure if in error) Not everyone can love you no matter what
If you have put you trust in Christ than God and his Holy court are your people (doesn't make sense)
I enjoyed the beginning of this story. Its believeable about the kids being friends and I liked how you started to unravel the story. it kept my interest. The only thing that confused me and felt a little abrupt and come out of nowhere, is how the character Chalam was introduced. It was introduced and cut shortly, that it had me wondering what I just read. Other then that, good story. Keep on writing.
interesting concept of a story. I liked how it started and how it runs smoothly. It kept my interest. I actually want to know what is gonna happen next. keep on writing.
Very well writen. It kept my interest. The pain and the courage to stay strong is something that I am very aware. and it can be hard to drop down our sheild. sometimes it needs patients.
This poem remind me of that saying "I want to be loved and hugged. But at the same time, be left the hell alone." overwhelming with sorrow, yet I do ponder if there is hope somewhere. The poem ran smoothly and it kept my interest.
I think Cat's are great. You just need to find the one that is for you. I am sure they are out there. Cat's can be such a great creature. I love them. poem is short an sweet. shows the distaste and curiosty of a cat.
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