![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Sandwiched between two tall lush juniors,...
Consider a comma after 'tall' because 'tall' and 'lush' are coordinate adjectives, meaning they are equal in status.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
When I was thirteen, I let it bother me and I squandered a pretty good year railing at genetics and contemplating padded bras.
Consider a comma before 'and I squandered' because in this case, 'and' is acting as a coordinating conjunction between two stand alone sentences.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
For one thing the main hallway at Wilbur High School is never teaming.
Consider a comma after 'thing' to show the introductory phrase of 'For one thing'.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
but as soon as my eyes slide away my palms start to sweat as I wonder if I should have responded in kind.
Consider a comma after 'away' to show the introductory phrase of 'As soon as my eyes slide away'.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
“Hey Rita.”
Consider a comma before 'Rita' because it is a direct address.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
There are a half a dozen lockers between Rita’s and mine and she doesn’t hear my greeting.
Consider a comma before 'and she doesn't' to show that the conjunction 'and' is joining two independent clauses.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
“Sure Maggie.
Consider a comma before 'Maggie' because it is a direct address.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Rita turns and carefully shuts to door to her locker,...
I think the first instance of the word 'to' should be 'the'.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Now that I know her date is Joe Thorpe. I’m even more surprised that she’s anxious.
Consider combining these two sentences. The first one is a great introductory phrase, so you could just use a comma instead of a period.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
the grating high pitched giggles,...
Consider a comma after 'grating' because 'grating' and 'high-pitched' are equal adjectives. Oh, I also hyphenated 'high-pitched' because the two words make one complete thought.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Students entering the cafeteria singly quickly attach themselves to their respective groups.
I stumbled on the two adverbs back-to-back. Consider: Students entering the cafeteria alone quickly attach...
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Just then the late bell rings and I mime call me then hurry to class. Poor Rita.
Consider placing 'call me' in quote marks to show that it is a specific thought.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Although they are a small group they take up several tables and the windows are their preserve alone.
Consider a comma after 'group' to show the introductory phrase.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
His family isn’t well off but he’s a good athlete...
Consider a comma before 'but' because it is a coordinating conjunction between two independent clauses.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
In a kinder universe the undernourished uber popular girls who have no fat to insulate them and tend to dress scantily would occupy these tables.
Consider a comma after 'universe' to show the introductory phrase.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Some of the girls are slightly overweight and they hide their ample figures beneath big flannel shirts that fall to their thighs.
Consider a comma before 'and' because it is acting as a coordinating conjunction between two independent clauses.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
There were also a handful of predators that picked off a few weakened unlucky creatures.
Consider a comma after 'weakened' because 'weakened' and 'unlucky' are equal adjectives.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Instead of replying Rita rearranges the items on her lunch tray...
Consider a comma after 'replying' to show the introductory phrase.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Occasionally he tosses his head to flick the hair...
Consider a comma after 'Occasionally' because it is a disjunctive adverb.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Once he’s satisfied he twists around and tucks the triangle under the napkin dispenser.
Consider a comma after 'satisfied' to show the introductory phrase.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
Instead I stare at my half eaten sandwich and pray...
Consider a comma after 'Instead' to show the introductory element.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
She smiles but her smile wobbles a bit.
Consider a comma after 'smiles'.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
In fact I am so angry I am very afraid I might start to cry.
Consider a comma after 'In fact' to show the introductory element. Also, the wording 'I am very afraid' seems too formal for her. Consider: 'I'm afraid'.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
be the pity dater not the pity datie.
Consider hyphenating 'pity-dater' to show it is one thought. Also, I think 'datie' should be 'datee' and that it could be hyphenated as well: pity-datee. I'm not completely sure on the 'datee' part, though.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
The lunch bell finally rings but it is too late to save me.
Consider a comma before 'and' because there are two independent clauses.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
He is a no show for tests,...
Consider hyphenating 'no-show'.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
“It's just dinner Mom.”
Consider a comma before 'Mom' because it is a direct address.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
A few unimpressive snowflakes dust his dark hair making a mockery of my fervent wish for a blizzard.
Consider a comma after 'hair' to smooth the flow of the sentence.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
I mean, I know this guy is comfortable in his own skin, but would it kill him to have a little consideration for the rest of us spazzes who aren't quite there yet.
Consider ending this with a question mark.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
His story about the basketball team’s last trip to State is pretty interesting and after a long earnest campaign I wrangle a half-hearted promise from him to read the first chapter of The Good Earth.
Consider a comma before 'and after' as well as after 'campaign'. The first one is because of two independent clauses, and the second is to show the introductory phrase 'after a long, earnest campaign'. I also added one after 'long' to show that 'long' and 'earnest' are equal adjectives.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
I’m a horrible judgmental person and tonight someone else besides me has figured that out.
Consider a comma before 'and' because there are two stand alone sentences.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
We aren’t the ones risking everything for glory by scrambling up to the top of swaying pyramid.
I think you are missing an 'a' before 'swaying'.
![Bullet *Bullet*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bullet.png)
The tea is uncomfortably hot and burns my tongue but I’d rather drink it than answer my mom’s question so I keep drinking until the cup is empty.
Consider a comma before 'but' and 'so'.