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Review of No Greater Love  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is EPIC! It is a home run! It is deeply moving.

I'm impressed with your historic accuracy in this account. You've written as you were an eye witness. And your account simply takes me there.

I'm curious about the form. I noticed you switched to eleven syllables in fifth stanza. And you used nine syllables from time to time. Otherwise, you wrote in excellent iambic pentameter.

I say excellent for this reason: Many people attempt iambic pentameter. They get the syllable count correct, but the meter just doesn' READ correctly. It is quite a skill to do it right...and to do so consistently...and without any awkward formations.

Good job!

Bob
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Review of Grace  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful! Just beautiful!

Your iambic pentameter is SPOT ON in the first three stanzas. Then you switch to eight syllables in the closing couplet. The rhyme scheme is abba, which differes from the Shakespearean abab. It is an interesting sonnet form.

But the message is the big point here! And you spoke the Christian message with grace and truth. You have skillfully built the message from start to finish, with the closing couplet making an effective conclusion.

God bless,

Bob
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Review of Sappy Days  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is GOOD!

It's nice to read a poem with a twist...sort of a surprise ending. Everything leads the reader to believe he has left you broken hearted. How I love a happy ending!

You have a very good writing style, and a gift for description. Keep up the good work!

Bob
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Review of Ambience  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, jaya,

The suggestions made here are only suggestions! Your poem is beautiful, because it is a part of YOU. Feel free to consider my suggestions, or to disregard them. My rating: 5…perfect, no room for improvement; 4…way out in front of the pack; 3…on par with the average writer here. This is a good rating; 2…needs improvement; 1…I’d rethink this one.

WOW! This moves me deeply. I love your direct style and forward motion. I love your rich word pictures. Here are my favorites:

”A sweet singsong cool and refreshing tilted me to your presence.”

And

”Into the labyrinths of my heart”.

I love the certain confidence of the writer’s love. Here’s one suggestion. After the fifth line in the second stanza, I’d use a period instead of a dash.

Good job!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Ron187,

The suggestions made here are only suggestions! Your poem is beautiful, because it is a part of YOU. Feel free to consider my suggestions, or to disregard them. My rating: 5…perfect, no room for improvement; 4…way out in front of the pack; 3…on par with the average writer here. This is a good rating; 2…needs improvement; 1…I’d rethink this one.

This is heavy! It is well thought-out and well written. The pain of the writer is seen in the first line, and intensifies throughout the piece. You are able to invoke deep emotion.

I’d rethink placing a period at the end of each line. It would work just as well to use no punctuation. If you keep the periods, notice that there four lines without them.

Good job!

Bob
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Review of Proudly I Stand  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Eagle,

I APPLAUD you! This is a wonderful message, in a brief and concise poem. You evoke deep emotions...and appropriate. May God bless you for your patriotism and for your investment in America.

I share your deep patriotic heart, and love for our soldiers everywhere. Thank you for this.

Bob
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Review of Carpe Diem  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…suggestions. This is your poem! It is beautiful, for that reason alone. I am extremely grateful to you for submitting to “Inspirations”. My ratings: 5…perfect, with no room for improvement; 4…way out in front of the pack; 3…on par with the average writer here, also a strong rating; 2…room for improvement; 1…I suggest rethinking this one.

Hi Dave,

Wow! This is incredibly beautiful! You have ANILED the 12 syllables per line, and I don’t see a single awkward phrase. Your metaphors and word pictures are warm, sensual and believable. You are SUCH a romantic…you make me wish I were there.

Carpe Diem indeed!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…suggestions. This is your poem! It is beautiful, for that reason alone. I am extremely grateful to you for submitting to “Inspirations”. My ratings: 5…perfect, with no room for improvement; 4…way out in front of the pack; 3…on par with the average writer here, also a strong rating; 2…room for improvement; 1…I suggest rethinking this one.

Hello, Shi salutes windsongcastle,

Beautiful! Simply beautiful. I love this because I also love the changing seasons. I am 65, and I can relate. I am a fool for rhyme and meter, which you do quite well. Your poem is about very serious issues, and yet it has a sparkle of humor, just under the surface.

In the fifth line, I would say, ”like saying goodbye to a (dear) old friend”

In the last line, I would say, ”And leave behind (the) warmth that youth permits.”

To me, these minor changes would make your meter spot-on perfect, without changing the meaning.

Well done!

Bob

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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, tikkunolam,

Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…my suggestions. This is your poem! It is beautiful for that reason alone. I am extremely grateful to you for submitting it to “Inspirations”. My ratings: 5…perfect, with no room for improvement; 4…way out there in front of the pack; 3…on par with the average writer here, also a strong rating; 2…room for improvement; 1…I suggest rethinking this one.
This is very good! You have an unusual ability to express deep and important truths, while keeping a modicum of humor.

I like:
”slipping down the sieve”
“Our leaders are insane”
“They stomp their feet…they do the dance”


Only the third stanza turns, heart and soul, to the central message…there is no levity here! This is most poignant: ”The piece we seek within our days defines our common goals.”

Your poem has very good balance. Here’s a tiny suggestion. In the third stanza, ”with smiles and deceit” could use another word…perhaps “coy deceit, lame deceit, huge deceit”? Just a thought.

Good work!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Khalish,

(Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…my suggestions. This is your poem! It is beautiful, for that reason alone. I am extremely grateful to you for submitting it to “Inspirations”. My ratings: 5…perfect, with no room for improvement; 4…way out in front of the pack; 3…on par with the average writer here, also a strong rating; 2…room for improvement; 1…I suggest rethinking this one.

This is a very good statement. It contains a lot of sound counsel regarding planning for ones future. You show remorse for past attitudes, and you assume total responsibility for your present plight. I like the slightly deadpan metaphor of the ballgame.

You have excellent rhyme scheme and syllable count.

I would rethink one thing in your general style. This is what I call the “inversion.” It is done to achieve the desired rhyme scheme. An example is, ”I don’t know if my next meal I will get.” This would normally be written, “I don’t know if I will get my next meal.” Is the inversion poetic, or is it awkward? Only you can say.

Write on!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my!

How poignant and beautiful...and true.

"We see when autumn leaves give way to frost
That ev'ry journey's taken at a cost.


MeThinks this line almost writes the sum total of philosophy and religion.

Brenda, no only do you achieve poetic perfection, and grace me with emotion. You also reach into my soul with truth that I cannot deny or run from.

This has a nice flavor of our mutual friend, Wordsy! You know?

I can't single out a favorite, but this one will do, in my smorgasboard of choice.

"The roar of innocence is blown apart
To fragments hushed that will not sound again."


With this sonnet, you have used your afternoon well!

God bless,

Bob
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Review of Room to Rent  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I'm trying to find the deep, deep meaning here...and not doing much good. I'm going with your disclaimer, "These are not meant to be particularly serious."

I guess we could go with, "Even a stinking rat deserves love".

or

Some people are so desolate they would love a rat. (prisoners in the penitentiary, etc. etc.)

But I'm just content to enjoy yet another example of Ben Langhinrichs' slightrly sarcastic, irreverent, satirical, and totally delightful humor.

Bob
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Review of More Lysol!  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Ben,

Time for the grim and gruesome? (With a bit of tongue in cheek) I LIKE it! (remind me not to mess with you! *Smile*

I like the absolutely perfect rhyme scheme and syllable count.

Since you are also a "meter man", you already know that stanza four, line one is a tiny exception to 100 percent perfect meter. The word "wonder" would not normally have the emphasis on the second syllable, as it needs to have here...hardly a point even worth mentioning.

I'm loving the baker's dozen!

Bob
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Review of Entry  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Robert,

This is beautiful! I like the western setting. I like your rich word pictures. I like the lines, ”and yearning for days past and days to come. What a wondrous pastime, idling.” This flies in the face of modern times that seem to worship frantic movement and criticize all idleness. It is a good insight that in stillness we find truth and beauty.

“wonderous” should be spelled “wondrous”.

Good job!
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Armadillo,

This is interesting. It caught my attention immediately and held it through the whole poem. I like your mildly cynical commentary on U.S. life and politics. I’m amazed at the “reach” of your poem, and the sheer number of issues you touch.

Good job!

Bob
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Review of Just a Farmer  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ben,

I LOVE it! What a beautiful expression of writer’s block, laced with imagination and humor. (well beautiful, except possibly the last line!) But I was a farmer’s son, so the last line rings true for me. 

How often would most of have to say, ”I thought I had the process pegged.” Also insightful is the line, ”I have the check, but need the cash”

Write on!

Bob

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Review of The Lonely Tower  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
WOW! Totally delightful! The narrative here is extremely interesting. The reader is led along in fascination. The plot unfolds: "I saw no trace
Of house or hostel, shack or shed"
. Then, "Then through the leafy boughs, a peek, A stony tower, old and vast."

And again the traveler went twice around the base and found no opening...but upon further searching, he spotted the tiny opening up above.

When you mentioned the golden hair, I thought of Rapunzel for the first time, and was delighted to see that she was the one!

Again, your rhyme and meter absolutely amaze me. It seems to flow out of you with ease.

My only suggestion...this might make it a bit smoother:

"Which some late mighty hand had hewn
And piled high, with aches and moans,"


could be:

"Which mighty hand had lately hewn
And piled (so) high, with aches and moans," (This line needs the one more syllable to make it perfect from top to bottom.

I LIKE IT!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very poignant and appealing. It brings back the mental image of carving your lover's name on a tree with your own, and perhaps a heart, if you were artistic.

I like the mystical mix, with the tangible. I like the way the lovers' future is cast upon an uncertain fate.

In fact, I can't see anything I DON'T like.

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
I LOVE it! (If you can WRITE a baker's dozen in August, I'll bet I can review the baker's dozen in September) *Smile*

This poem sounds more serious than it is. (Unless, of course, you've been a child entering a new school)

Of course I love the great rhyme scheme and meter. I see only one (MINOR) acception to perfect beat. It is the word "under" in the first stanza. The word "below" would make the meter perfect...but it might not be as good, artistically.

In the third stanza, I'd use "beat" instead of "feet". But that's just me.

I LOVE it! (as mentioned above)
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Review of A Dreamer's Web  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…suggestions. This is YOUR poem, and it is beautiful, because it contains a piece of you. Feel free to take my suggestions, or not. My rating: 5: perfect…no room for improvement; 4: way out there in front of the pack; 3: On a par with the average writer on this site…still a good rating; 2: room for improvement; 1: needs rethinking.

Hi Dave,

This is intensely clever! It is also an intriguing idea I had not seen before…and IT WORKS! Very good word pictures and vivid language.

At first I thought the poem consisted of six random stanzas. Upon reading it more carefully I think I see it differently. It is about a writer. (Perhaps the very writer of the poem) He is described in the first stanza. The next two stanzas describe his dreams. Then he is further described in the fourth stanza, and the next two stanzas continue to describe his dreams, and perhaps his ideas for writing.

The last stanza summarizes all of the above.

The amazing thing to me is that each stanza is well present, with no strain or stretch. For me, there were a couple minor exceptions. I read the first five stanzas in total enjoyment. Then I came to “spouting vulgar sounds.” For me that didn’t totally work, but that may just be me. It is certainly consistent with pirate ruffians. Maybe I just hesitated because it wasn’t as pretty as the rest of it.

In the last line, I think we would expect “lace to bind this web”. Since you need the word “bound”, you might consider “Lace bound to this web”. Just a thought.

Good job!

Bob
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Review of True Friendship  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh yes, An Etheree!

I've tried this lovely form before.

Either I'm in an emotional mood today, or else you have a special gift for making me cry! (I think you have a special gift that touches many people this way.) *Smile*

Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful...in artistic, poetic form, and also in meaning.

God bless,

Bob
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Review of She Is A Rock  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my!

Tears were freely flowing by the end of the second verse. I think the first two verses are masterful...they so involve the reader in your message, that he is enrapt with the rest of it.

The total sincerity of your poem is also clear and deeply moving.

I think I'd like to meet your sister! *Smile*

God bless,

Bob
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Review of For Rent  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…suggestions. This is YOUR poem, and it is beautiful, because it contains a piece of you. Feel free to take my suggestions, or not. My rating: 5: perfect…no room for improvement; 4: way out there in front of the pack; 3: On a par with the average writer on this site…still a good rating; 2: room for improvement; 1: needs rethinking.

Hi, NOVAcatmando,

I LOVE your pen name! And I love this delightful poem! This is one of those poems that speaks deeply, while keeping a direct, almost casual flavor.

I love that you achieved perfect rhyme scheme and meter, without being forced into any awkward phrasing. I love that you opened and closed the poem with the prompt.

Thank you for this!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…suggestions. This is YOUR poem, and it is beautiful, because it contains a piece of you. Feel free to take my suggestions, or not. My rating: 5: perfect…no room for improvement; 4: way out there in front of the pack; 3: On a par with the average writer on this site…still a good rating; 2: room for improvement; 1: needs rethinking.

Hi ShiShad,

I am SO impressed that you spent additional time on this poem, to make it more beautiful. This is a lesson a friend has been teaching me: do some WORK on your poem; make it more than it was at the first writing.

This is a direct and beautiful statement of a clear fact…the love of this couple. I like the way you used the prompt at the end of each stanza, and that you gave each one a slightly different “spin.”

For myself, I would say heavenly “sound” instead of heavenly “ring”. I guess ring makes me thing of ringing ears…not so comfortable. But that’s just me! *Smile*

Good job!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…suggestions. This is YOUR poem, and it is beautiful, because it contains a piece of you. Feel free to take my suggestions, or not. My rating: 5: perfect…no room for improvement; 4: way out there in front of the pack; 3: On a par with the average writer on this site…still a good rating; 2: room for improvement; 1: needs rethinking.

Hi, Jaya,

Incredible! This is a rich feast of sensual delight: first in nature, then in music. Your word pictures and metaphors are vivid, taking me right into the middle of your poem.

I like the fact that you used the prompt in the chorus, and that you gave it minor variations each time. My favorite line:

”Spirals to meet the universal philharmonic.”

Well done!

Bob
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