|Disclaimer: My suggestions are just that…suggestions. This is your poem! It is beautiful, for that reason alone. I am extremely grateful to you for submitting to “Inspirations”. My ratings: 5…perfect, with no room for improvement; 4…way out in front of the pack; 3…on par with the average writer here, also a strong rating; 2…room for improvement; 1…I suggest rethinking this one.
Hello, Shi salutes windsongcastle,
Beautiful! Simply beautiful. I love this because I also love the changing seasons. I am 65, and I can relate. I am a fool for rhyme and meter, which you do quite well. Your poem is about very serious issues, and yet it has a sparkle of humor, just under the surface.
In the fifth line, I would say, ”like saying goodbye to a (dear) old friend”
In the last line, I would say, ”And leave behind (the) warmth that youth permits.”
To me, these minor changes would make your meter spot-on perfect, without changing the meaning.