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Review of In a crowded room  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jaya,

WELL DONE my friend! This poem seems to catch me up and transport me through time and place. It is a touching journey, and an astute commentary on life and people. The lines flow in an easy-reading style…and yet almost enchanting.

The placement on the page and the form of your stanzas is also very appealing to the eye.

Good job!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Dave,

Using few words, you say MUCH! Y0ur words are open, direct, confident and significant…all the more so as I approach July 4th weekend.

Thanks for a very thoughtful reead.

Bob
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178
Review of I wonder  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jessie,

South Africa! My niece lived in the mountainous country down south, but I can't recall the name of the area. She's in Niger now.

Jessie, you ask a profound question in this poem. Who can know the origin of thoughts or their destination. I'm with you. I think they are guarded by someone unseen.

In Proverbs it says, "Stand guard over your heart, for out of it flow the rivers of life". Beautiful!

Keep on writing!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jaya,

I’m glad to see you again! And I’m especially glad to see you here in “Inspirations”. Thank you for submitting your poem.

I like the wonderful spirit of positive goodness. I like the optimism. I like the progression.

My favorite lines:

” Oh traveler to the distant lands!
Come with me to those vistas of beauty
May you carry these happy memories
Of love and joy, and nature’s bounty.”


“those vistas of beauty”…truly beautiful.

Thanks again.

Bob
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180
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Ben,

Great to see you again…and great to see you in “Inspirations” again!

If I am ever in want for a good love poem, you’ll find me knocking on your door! This has all the movement and language of yester year. Yet it is also comfortable in the present.

Your poem is rich in imagery and word pictures. It is filled with sensual delight.

In stanza three, I would say, “And hides beneath”. This would be in keeping with “It beats fast.”

The same is true in the last stanza.”gently laid your loyal head” would balance with “Your earthly comfort.

But these are just my thoughts.

Thanks for a great read!

Bob
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181
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Ken,

Thank you for submitting your poem to “Inspirations”. Clearly, your target audience was not the sophisticated ladies’ garden club.

I think that we can all use a bit of ribald humor.

Favorite lines:

“I guess there is a bright side. I see this as a boon.
I've added to my knowledge...
...and I should recover soon.”

I am reminded of that quaint old saying, “The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”

Write on!
Bob
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Review of The Waltz  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Phantom Writer,

Thank you for submitting your impressive poem to “Inspirations”. Your poem tells me a couple things about you. First you are a romantic. Next, you are a very gifted writer. Your poem demonstrates both…it is a pleasure to read.

Your word pictures and lovely imagery give the poem a very pleasant mood. It doesn’t seem to be gothic, but it is pretty close. It is filled with the sights and sounds of another age.

Thank you for a very enjoyable read.

Bob
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Review of Crayola  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Dave,

You’ve done it again! You’ve written a poem that simply engulfs me. I love this. I love your prancing cadence…one of celebration. I love the way the poem takes me right and left to enjoy all the delights of spring.

And then you drop in a hint of humor:

“A peacock, proudly strutting for his mate,
joins others in their quest to propagate”

And then you drop in an even bolder slice of humor:

“It’s in the sunset at the end of day;
it’s in my bowl of crawfish etouffe’e”

This takes me straight down to New Orleans…only an hour and a half from where I’m sitting and reading.

Thanks for this, Dave!

Bob

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184
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello “Looks Like a Spring Day”,

Thank you for submitting your poem to ”Inspirations”. Part of my boyhood was spent on a farm, and I identify with a lot of this poem’s content.

You have a direct writing style that lets the reader follow along without a lot of effort. Your rich word pictures ad a lot to the enjoyment of the poem.

Favorite lines:

“overgrown with bunched prairie grass
and rampant with thick wild brush.”

“hunter's trucks park and then wander,” This line doesn’t work for me. I don’t expect to see the trucks park and wander. I’d say “hunters park trucks and then wander.

I’m thinking “golden hay” is not really in keeping with all of the other imagery. I might say “the drying hay” or “the dried up hay”. Just a thought.



Good writing!

Bob
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Review of The first light  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jaya,

I’m always happy to see that you have submitted a poem to “Inspirations”.

This Is a totally lovely poem, a true pleasure to read. You are gifted with language, that is clear to see. I especially like:

” The tall grasses, the fields, sway to eastern skies.” This is just one example of how easily your lines ease off the page.

I noticed a couple tiny corrections:

In the fourth line the “s” should be dropped from inspires and clears. This is a tricky instance. I like to simplify it by placing the subject next to the verbs:

“His strokes inspire the spiritual”

Thanks for a great read!

Bob
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186
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Lou

Thank you for submitting your fine poem to “Inspirations”.

This is incredible! I’ve read few poems that move me so.Your language has an unusual richness and ardor. This poem has layer upon layer of delights for me. Your word pictures and metaphors are wonderful. The movement of the poem is sure and certain.

I love the third stanza. It sounds like breakfast is being served inside the house. And then the reader discovers the metaphor of the stanza.

If I had a single suggestion for improvement I would definitely offer it. I don’t!

God bless,

Bob
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Review of IF I HAD KNOWN  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Khalish,

This is a sad poem! You reflect the writer’s stoic acceptance of a fact he would rather not have to confront. You succeed in portraying the hopelessness of his situation. ( I’m hoping this is not your personal story! )

“you won’t love me” doesn’t work for me…maybe “you’d not love me”

“With me, your future bind” seems like an awkward inversion, but I can’t come up with a better way to say it, and keep your rhyme scheme.

Thanks for your faithfulness to “Inspirations”!

God bless,

Bob
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188
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Even though you have several reviews here, I can't resist adding my "5". This is beautiful and deeply meaningful. My wife paints in oils. Me? My art is with the camera, and I have been there, done that!

For me, these words say it and say it so well:

"What camera angle will suffice
to freeze a tiny glimpse of life,
to catch the briefest sense of awe,
to make another person see
proof of my epiphany?"


What a searching question! This is a rich metaphor for life, too. It reminds me that all we have is the moment...seize the day...cherish the moment!

OK, time for my rhythm mania: "(the) proof of my ephiphany?" would make the meter of this stanza rank right up there with Robert Frost's "Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though". Well you get the idea.

Thanks for this one!

Bob
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Review of Come On Home  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm hoping this character reads these lyrics and decides to come on home!! This is very readable as well as reasonable.


Third stanza, last line:

"It never left, just come on home."

I'd replace the "so" with a comma...this seems to me to give better balance.

I think there is a very delicate balance between the writer's wanting the subject to come on home because it's best for him...as opposed to what she herself wants. I don't have any suggestion. The poem has good balance and reason. I only mention this to call it to your attention.

I like this a lot!

Bob

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Review of Enduring Flame  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Ben,

Heat is a metaphor often seen to represent love. You have carried this metaphor throughout your poem very effectively. “burst in flame, ignited, kindled, singed, it sears, glowing embers hot passion, lust sparks, we’ll burn”. These word pictures carry the reader forward and keep him in the flow of the poem.

Good job!

Bob
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Review of Wings of Rhyme  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)

This is GOOD. I LIKE this! First of all I like your delightful positive attitude and up-beat message. Next I like your sing-song rhyme and rhythm. This gives the poem an enjoyable cadence, and makes it enjoyable to read. Then I like the fact that writers AND readers will find themselves in the words of your lovely piece.

” How oft do we savor the words that we see,
Seeking some meaning, some veiled mystery.”


These opening lines immediately set the tone.

A couple of suggestions:

” Either to places of love (and of) light.
Or (saddest) despair as dark as the night.”

But if you really read (them); if you only try,


But that’s just me.

Keep on writing!

Bob
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Review of Rush Of Peace  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jaya,

You have written a poem with a very significant message. It is direct and easy to read. Your rich word picture give the poem warmth and feeling.

I only have one suggestion. The entire poem is contained in one long sentence. For me this was a bit of a stretch. I’d consider breaking it into two sentences. Perhaps in the third stanza I would say, “I ponder life’s fluid enigmas.”

Just a thought.

Good work!

Bob
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193
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Dave,

Yes indeed, this sounds to me like “another somebody done somebody wrong song.” I lived in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma when I first heard this haunting tune. I’ve loved it ever since, and I appreciate your reminding me of it again. You treated me to a nice “romp” down memory lane with your other titles.

You have done a good job of portraying the pain and loneliness of a broken love. For the most part your word pictures did well.

I thought it was a bit too much when you grouped together, “a surging tide, our bubble, and a solar flare” But that’s just me.

This is a good poem expressing strong emotion.

Write on!

Bob
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Review of Together  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Katasha,

Thank you for submitting your poem to “Inspirations”.

This is a very sweet love poem. I can see right away that you are a romantic! You have some very beautiful word pictures: “fog covered mountains; ancient portals; wings of rhyme”.

There is a tiny adjustment that would make this better, I think. Put it all in the second person; like this:

” Within (your) waiting arms.

You’re the one, in (whose) arms I lie.”


Just a thought.

Keep on writing!

Bob
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Review of Ray of Hope  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, brown eyed beauty,

Indeed the reader CAN ”find this too”

I love a simple love poem, and this is what you have given us here. It is direct, concise and enjoyable to read.

Favorite line:

” Sweet words rekindle the serenity of the day”

I wish I had said that!

Check one tiny typo: “i” in the first line needs to be a capital.

Keep on writing!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hot digidies! I LOVE it when that happens, oh thou fellow star gazer!

Dave, this is incredible in its simple beauty and artistry. I’m certainly going to have to try my hand at this form. I can see where your most potent message should be in the second line…because it is repeated to close each stanza. You have done this quite well.

”a dismal frame” doesn’t quite work for me. Maybe, “the dismal game”?

But that’s just me.

I LOVE it!

Bob
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197
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is absolutely filled with pathos and a sense of loss without hope of recovery. I’ve never seen a better representation of the Native American loss. Of course the Native American Indians have indeed found a place and a way to live. But not so for this mother.

With this you reach deep into my heart, and make me remember…remember and care.

I’m sure you considered the one awkward phrase:

” To the life that I must go, is not the one for me,”

I wouldn’t dare change the meaning. Would this do it?

“The life to which I go is not the one for me.”

Just a thought.

Again, thank you my friend.

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! What can I say, my friend? This is epic! I’m wondering if you did a bunch of research, or if you contain all this information in your mind. In either case, I’m impressed!

” I have traveled ancient portals”

These words seem to be emblazoned across my heart!

”love and hate; fear and more; strife and dread”…I guess that pretty much sums it up.

I began trying to make this eternal soldier one person. But he quickly became the spirit of the soldier; the one who stands and fights, so that we can stand and live.

Fifth line from the bottom: “chosin” should be “chosen”.

Thanks for this one!

Bob
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Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, xxyesterday07xx

This is pretty intense. The pain of the writer flows through every line.

My favorite:

” I am an empty vessel
With no wings of rhyme
I am the clock
With no sense of time”


These lines have very effective wore pictures and metaphors. They summarize the message of the whole piece.

I see just a couple of typos:

“Whose” in the second line should be “who” has…or just “who”.

And in the last line I’m thinking you meant to use “deceased” instead of “desist”.

Keep on writing!

Bob
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Review of Lonesome Cry  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem comes to me as a delightful surprise. It is one of the most intensely emotional works I have read in a long time...and so well written and beautiful.

Favorite line:

"the burden of proof of everyone’s insistence"

Your metaphor of the wolf is perfect for this context. Did yoiu know that the wolf pack keeps solid boundaries of attention and performance. And they are FEARLESS!

"The outcome is unsure, this I cannot deny
and so it goes on, this wolf’s lonesome cry"


Well said...so very well said. And I assure you...the outcome for one like yourself will always be victorious!

God bless,

Bob

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